Samantha Who? s02e14 Episode Script

nostalgia-- Seems everyone is stuck reliving their pasts.
I don't get it.
Of course,that might be because I don't have a past, but it seems silly making a big deal out of something that's not a big deal anymore.
me? I live in the now.
It's tommy wylder.
Look.
Excuse me.
Is this seat I can't hear you.
One sec.
Hey,cld you turn down the cheesy music for a sec? Than.
Yeah,much better.
Do you mind? Oh,um,I'm actually waiting for some friends, but,um,you can sit there till they get re,I guess.
Club soda.
hi.
I'm tomm oh,hi.
Samant.
Hi.
You look really familiar.
I'm tommy.
Toy wylder? Oh,god,no.
hey,meter maid, stop writing.
Come on.
I was trying to get a salesgirl fired,and it took forever.
Damn it.
No change.
Thanks,guy.
There should be one of you on every corner.
Um,I'm so sorry about that.
You know what? Let me pay you back.
You don't owe me any money.
Oh,well,that's good,'cause once again, no change.
So you're not putting on? The name,the face-- nothing? No,you see, I- I had is accident,ani have amnesia, so everything just poofed.
Gone.
Yeah,I get that.
Don't remember much of the '80s myself.
I'm a musician.
Well,that's okay.
I'm inetween jobs,too.
Oh,so sorry for blowing you off last night, but I had to stay in and watch a basketball ge My boyfriend, ny daneWas playing.
There's this cheerleader for the team,And she's way too flexible for my liking.
Yeah,she might actually be a threat,because she's met him.
You know, just because we have not met does not mean we do not have something special.
You know,I have shared some of my deepest,darkest tts with that man.
Well,I'm rry about last night,too.
But my boyfriend Chase chapman Need a ride to the airport.
But,hey, saturday it's just,us,right,for Mr.
Cellophane's birthday party? You're bringing the cake,right? you still haven't rsvp'd.
Oh,yeah,you know,as much as I want to come to your dog's birthday, i'm already committed to a cat wedding.
Oh,ght,right.
Make fun of the crazy lady because she's having a party for her dog,right? She'snuts because she's invited all of his little furry friends over.
She's wacko,right? Just because I found litt adorable little hats - Dena.
Sweetie,sweetie.
- That can go on all of their adorable-- sweetie, you're kind of doing all the work for her,okay? But don't worry.
I forgive you, 'cause I actually kind of met a cute guy.
No.
Ooh.
Tell.
Who is he? What does he do? Uh,he's a musician.
Ooh! Honey,honey,st right there.
No.
You already have one loser sleeping on your couch no,he's a real musician,okay? He's playing a show this weekend.
He kind of has an ego,though.
He was so shocked I hadn't heard of him.
What's his name? Uh,tommy wyer.
Shut up! You did not meet tommy wylder.
Yeah.
So? Sam,you're totally making me your maid of honor and letting me move in with you guys.
Oh! Oh,dena,dena,dena,no.
Wait.
You've-- you've actually heard of tommy wylder? Oh,god! Tommy wylder! Okay,not again! Not again! Proudly Presents Season 02 Episode 14 Oh,god,look at him in that jacket.
Oh,my god.
He's gonna be so embarrassed when he remembers he looked like that.
Oh,god.
We all looked like that.
- Oh,I know.
- Oh,my god.
See,when we were 13, we were so in love with tommy wylder.
We bought the,uh, "king of hearts" album,and we cracked up, because you said it sounded like the "king of farts.
" And then you said I was the queen of farts, and we-- we laughed so hard that my mom tried to pull over the car.
I want to meet him.
I think he'll find that story charming.
Hey,samantha,why don't you ask him if he's looking for a new crib? And we could put it on our business cards-- "real estate agents to the stars.
" it already says that on our business cards,mom.
So now it'll be true.
Still,I don't get it.
I don't get how we could worship somebody that we've never met and who shows absolutely no interest in us at all.
What is all this talk again? If you don't want to go to church with us,don't go.
No.
No.
Sam is gonna marry tommy wylder.
And we're gonna sell him a new house.
Oh,guys,I'm only going on my first date with him tonight.
Don't do it,sam.
A musician is married to one woman, and her name is lady rock 'n' roll.
And then he has lots of other women he has sex with.
Howard, shis her mother's daughter.
She has a lu for the rockers.
Probably gonna marry one like I did.
You were married to somebody before dad? Why does nobody tell me this stuff? No,I mean your father.
He was the lead singer in a band.
Yeah,the shadowmakers.
The what-y hooters? He was good.
You should have seen him on stage.
His sweat would sort of glisten in his chest hair, and he'd lick his lips really slow-- okay,okay,too far.
Too far.
Oh,but then a certain little someone came along, and he dided to lose the leopard skin pants and get a real job.
Because of me? Oh,great.
I killed my father's dream.
You know,leave it to you to make it all about yourself.
What aboutmydream? I thought i'd married a rock star.
I could have died young.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
"king of farts.
" Just say it real fast.
Tell me you do not hear that.
Well,I do now, and I always will.
I'm sorry.
We're sorry to bother you, but we love you so much.
Would you mind? - Sure.
- Please.
I lost my virginity to you.
She means the music.
Right? I lost mine to prince, but one of your songs totally got me through my eating disorder.
Oh,thank you so much.
Oh,my god.
That must be so weird.
Yeah,but free pens.
No,just women o don't know you just freaking out about you all the time? That's why I'm here with you, a nice,pretty gl who isn't afraid to tell me my biggest album is a fart joke.
It's great to not have all the hero worship stuff with you.
Could you excuse me for just one second? Female problems.
Two of them.
Get in there.
Get in there.
Are you kidding me? What are you guys doing here and what are you wearing? I just want to shake tommy's hand and then put that hand inside a plastic bag.
Do you have a rubber band? Okay, please do not dork out on me.
Well Um,tell her.
I mean,I know how to act around a celebrity.
I am dating tony dane.
Okay,seriously, listen to me,okay? - This whole fan thing - no.
It really turns him off, so no cameras,no autographs and no crazy.
- No crazy.
- Crazy.
No crazy,okay? Got it.
I just want to say hello to him and then ask him to sing at my dog's birthday party.
Okay,let's go over the rules again.
Shall we? - Shall we? - I don't know.
Yeah,I just ran into a couple of my fries who wanted to say hi really,really quickly, and then they're gonna leave.
Um,tommy,this is dena.
We met.
Uh,in the-- the coliseum,'88.
Um,you oked right at me when you were singing "fill up my hearhole.
" yeah,good to see you again.
Yeah,and,um,I'm sorry,tommy.
This is also-- - Andrea belladona.
- Okay,lose the porn voice,okay,dear? I'm to dane's girlfriend.
We've probably been at some of the same parties.
I've been working a lot lately.
Are you guys coming to the concert? I have to pick up my boy-- Myousin at the airport, but he can take a cab, and I don't have a boyfriend.
I am totally available.
Yeah, you ow,me and tony and you guys shouldouble sometime.
Yeah,maybe we could rent a beach house, you know, get crazy in the jacuzzi.
I love you! Is this your glass? Okay, we're done now.
Now we're really done.
Stop it.
Stop it okay,that's it.
That's it.
Can you please sing my dog's birthday party? No,stop.
Turn around.
Howard,I'm leaving.
Samantha and I are showing a house at 2:00.
Oh,look at th.
Where did that come from? Itas a gift from sam.
Yeah,the card said, "never too late dream.
" Oh,how sweet.
Yeah, it's a '74 fender strat.
I mean,this thing was-- was magic.
One chord from this,and the girls would forget their names.
Oh,is thaso? Easy,tiger.
That was a long time ago.
What are you doing?What are you doing? I have to go to work.
Stop it,howard.
That's-- that's just-- Okay,I have to-- Okay,I have to go.
Um,just st-- just stop.
Help me,uh Help me findy glasses.
What are you-- oh! Okay,thanks.
Ok.
Tommy wylder sent you flows.
Actually, he brought them over.
He was here? He was in the house? Oh! And he sat in that chair, and his feet were on that floor, and you can still see the spot on the ceiling where he ascended to heaven.
Jealous much? Oh,yeah,I'm so jealous.
By the way,sam,I sti can't find my sunglasses.
Oh,fothe last time,he did not steal your sunglasses.
Look,I just know they were here before he showed up and said, "cool sunglasses,dude.
" you kn,maybe Mr.
Platinum record has a little problem.
That's all I'm saying.
Hey.
No crumbs.
I sleep on that couch.
Dude,you sleep on a couch,and your ex is dating tommy wylder.
I think you got bigger problems than crumbs.
Okay,about the conct-- So we're getting v.
i.
p.
Seats? Yeah,I wanted to,uh, talk to you guys about the concert and you.
Yeah? Yeah? I just think that maybe, you know,it's too early for the bringing-the-friends- Along thing.
I get it.
I totally get it.
Dena embarrasses you.
Me,too.
Me,too.
That's why I have not introduced her to tony dane yet.
Yeah,you know,it's not Just dena.
Excuse me.
What now? Come on,andrea.
The other night with the crazy fan stuff? Iembarrass you? Me? Please don't make this a thing.
It's too late.
A thing has been made.
Yeah.
Okay,sam,I have to go to that concert with you.
I mean,tommy was ours.
You know,don't you remember, every day after school-- No,I don't remember,okay? I don't remember.
Th-this isn't about the good old days for me,all right? You keep trying to bring me back to being 13 years old, but this is about a guy that I'm datingnow,all right, who just so happens to be a musician.
That's it.
I guess you're right.
I don't know what I was thinking.
- Look,I'm sorry,dena.
I don't mean to sound like I don't care.
- Nope.
Nope.
Andrea,let's go.
- I hope you're happy-- - I said let's go.
Come on.
Okay.
Someone's been trying on my shoes.
Oh,just stop it! I mean,I'm sure I have.
I just don't really remember.
Not because I was on drugs or anything,just because I have sort of a condition.
Oh,these are sort of close.
It's gonna be really loud.
Is there anything better back There? I guess not.
Uh,I think I'm over here.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Thanks.
* I was bleeding * * when I wrote this * * song for you * * something blue * * I was needing * * some affection * * some attention * * Do you want to marry me?* Oh,my god,sam! He totally just looked at me! - He's my boyfriend! - He is not! He's my boyfriend! Tommy,I love you! Aah! * Run together * yeah! That's my boyfriend!That's my boyfriend! Tommy! tommy,I'm right here! would you mind? I think we get it after 20 times.
He used to be with that girl.
Now she's with this guy.
Got it.
Look.
It's a snow globe.
It's a picture of him from their concert in paris in 1986.
Damn,I wish I could have been there.
I can't believe I was not there.
Oh! Oh! I have to sh-show you all the picturesFrom-- from the concert from last night.
I was so close to the stage! No,I don't want to.
I don't like tommy wylder.
I never liked tommy wylder.
I think he's lame.
That's 'cause you're stupid.
What has happened to you? Nothing's happened to me,okay? I just finally know what dena was talking about.
I mean,I loved himsomuch.
Just turn it down.
You know,you don't get it.
I just wish that you could feel what it feels like to have feelings.
Oh,god.
Please don't play that one again.
Please? Thanks.
Guys? What are you doing here? Wh-- I- I left you,like, five messages last night.
I have to tell you about the concert.
Okay,look, I- I stole tommy's towel, and it still has his sweat on it.
Oh,my-- Hey-- hey,what's going on? We're ignoring you.
You don't say it.
You just do it.
Come on.
We have a dog's birthday to plan.
Oh,come on,you guy-- You're not still mad about the concert,are you? Look,you couldn't go.
you were acting totally lame.
We need a theme-- A murder mystery! Like you're really into this party.
At least I'm going to the party.
So am i.
I'm bringing the fire hydrant cake.
Well,maybe,sam, it'd be better if youdidn'tgo.
- What? - Yeah,because you might be seen with us, and we mightembarrassyou.
Dena,please don't make me feel bad about this,all right? I am living out a dream here.
Ourdream.
Now you have tommy wylder all to yourself,you're better than us? Oh,come on.
I am still the same old sam.
I have not changed.
Decaf latte for samantha wylder.
That's me! What? Howard? What are you doing? I found this on the stairs.
I'm going over the books.
We're getting audited next month.
I turn my back for one second, you stop practicing the guitar? Practicing for what? For a gig! I've been putting feelers out.
You know phil remy over at the ramada? He said that if that gal that plays the piano--You know,with the lazy eye and the fog machine? If she gets sick, he's gonna call.
Now here.
Wait a second.
I got you something.
I'm not playing the ramada.
I'm going through the books.
Look.
Look,look,look.
It's just like the one you used to wear! Come on,just for a second.
oh.
Ay,take me right now.
oh!Take me right now.
And we're going to jail.
Now,now.
Tommy wylder.
We're together.
I'm with him.
I'm actually with him,with him.
So lunch was fun,huh? Do you wanna do something else? I kinda have to be in the studio.
Oh.
You're writing a song,huh? Is it about me? I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
I'm sure it's really hard to rhyme things with "samantha.
" Maybe "pantha"? I don't know.
I - I just wanted to say I'm a big fan, and,uh,I play some guitar myself.
Back off,frank! Okay,he is not public property,so chill.
Fans,huh? I mean,whatisthat? Speaking of which,did you call me,like, ten times today and hang up? No,I don't-- No,I don't think so.
You know what?Maybe my phone dialed from inside my purse, because that happens to people, for reals.
- U wanna come up for a sec? - no.
We could watch your music videos-- what? Sam,I think it's time for me to step off.
"step off"? It's been fun,but you--You're starting to get a little freaky on me.
It's michelle,isn't it? who? From your song, "paris lover.
" You sing about that girl michelle.
It just seemed like it must've been really intense.
I mean,the lyrics are really sweet and everything,but she kind of seems like a wacko.
Right.
So I'm gonna take a really confusing way home.
Don't try and follow me,okay? Good-bye.
T- tomm y,I-- No,come on! Don't do that! I'm not usually like this! I'm not-- I love you! I love you! Don't Go.
Come on.
Let's move you inside quietly Like a "pantha.
" I love him.
Here you go,sweetie.
I brought you peanut butter and pickle on an english muffin.
It's-- it's one of your favorites.
Is it really? Because you usually say that when you're just trying to clean out the fridge.
This one's real.
Eat it.
God,what happened to me? I was fine,un-until I-I saw tommy up on that stage, and then all of a sudden, I was just like Oh,my god! Uhh! - Samantha - So It's designed that way.
You're there in the dark, everything falls away, and it's just the two of you.
And the passion No one has ever understood you the way he does.
Oh,god,no,I know! And your heart starts to beat a little faster, and you get flushed And you imagine that the two of you belong together.
And then your father starts doing this little thing with his hips,and you-- no! No! Too far.
Too far.
Oh,boy.
I've seen that look before.
Another victim of rock 'n' roll,huh? Musicians stink.
You should be thanking me for saving you from that life.
Well,thank you.
Why? Because I Killed your dream? It's okay.
Mom told me that you gave up everything because she got pregnant with me.
What? You told her that? Well,I'm not gonna lie to her,howard.
You know how I feel about that.
Sammy,you had nothing to do with how my life turned out.
Okay?imade my choice.
In fact,you were my excuse.
Howard,just tell her you quit because you wanted to be a responsible father.
No,I quit because I didn't want to be a musician anymore.
That's not true! Stop that.
You loved playing in that band.
No,youloved that I was playing in that band.
Admit it-- If-- if I was the waiter when you walked into the club that night instead of the guy up on the stage,would you have given me a second look? Yes No.
But-- but look,l-look, look,look.
Look,howard You haven't picked up a guitar in over 30 years.
You'll leave your fingernail clippings in the sink.
I'm still here.
Wait a minute.
So now you're saying I just went into debt over a guilt guitar for absolutely nothing? You wanna take it back? Yeah,i wanna take it back.
No,not for nothing.
Oh.
For a few days,I got to Look at your father with that guitar,and it was 35 years ago all over again.
Regina, every time I look at you,it's 35 years ago again.
Okay,if music can stir passions ofallkinds, then chances are, it can also soothe them.
dad? Do you think you've got one more gig left in you? All right,let's here it for the shadowmakers! Shadowmakers? Dena,I am so sorry.
Look,I know I don't rember that tommy was our thing, but just because I don't remember stuff doesn't mean that it didn't happen and that it didn't matter to somebody else.
So I really need you to keep reminding me when it did,okay? Okay.
Remember that time we called all the hotels to see where he-- I don't remember.
Remember that time there was only one album-- no,I still have amnesia,though.
Is there cake? Yes,yes,yes,yes.
They're gonna blow the roof off the ramada.
what are you doing with her?! You are terrible at this.
No,it's okay.
She broke up with tommy, and-- and she apologized for being an ass.
- I mean,reallyan ass.
You weresuchan ass.
- I know.
All right,fine,great.
Now let's go.
I'm at a dog party.
So I get it now-- nostalgia.
With nostalgia,idohave a past-- the same one as theirs.
And as long as I have that, I can never be alone.