The Cosby Show s02e14 Episode Script

ELVIN! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ICING MY CAKE.
- YOUR CAKE? - YEAH.
HE MADE IT HIMSELF FROM SCRATCH.
YOU'RE THE GUY WHO SAID, "IT'S A MAN'S JOB TO CLUB THE ANTELOPE AND A WOMAN'S JOB TO COOK IT"?! THAT WAS THE OLD ELVIN.
SINCE WE'VE GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER ELVIN'S DECIDED HIS ATTITUDES ABOUT WOMEN NEED IMPROVEMENT.
OH.
I THOUGHT ONE WAY OF BECOMING MORE SENSITIVE AND UNDERSTANDING AS A MAN WOULD BE TO EXPERIENCE WHAT IT'S LIKE DOING WOMAN'S WORK.
OH.
" WOMAN'S WORK," HUH? I SAID SOMETHING WRONG? THIS IS NOT "WOMAN'S WORK.
" MY DAD COOKS.
MANY MEN COOK.
I'M SORRY.
ELVIN JUST STARTED IMPROVING HIS ATTITUDES.
WE CAN'T EXPECT HIM TO CHANGE OVERNIGHT.
SANDRA.
YEAH, RUDY.
PROMISE YOU WON'T GET MAD? WHAT DID YOU DO? I SPILLED NAIL POLISH WE'LL CLEAN IT UP.
IN YOUR SUITCASE.
YOU KNOW WHAT? - YOUR CAKE LOOKS GOOD.
- THANKS.
IT'S CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHIP.
HEY.
HEY, DAD.
- ELVIN.
- HI, DR.
HUXTABLE.
WHAT'S ALL THIS? HE'S DOING "WOMAN'S WORK," DAD.
I DROVE SANDRA HOME FROM PRINCETON THIS MORNING AND WHEN I GOT HERE I DECIDED TO STAY AND BAKE A CAKE.
I'M DOING THIS SO I'LL BE MORE UNDERSTANDING AND SENSITIVE AS A MAN.
WHY BAKE A CAKE? SO MRS.
HUXTABLE WILL LIKE ME.
MRS.
HUXTABLE LIKES YOU.
NO, SHE DOESN'T.
SHE ALWAYS GETS MAD AT ME.
IT'S YOUR ATTITUDE, SON.
I'M TRYING TO CHANGE BUT BETWEEN YOU AND ME, IT'S NOT ALL MY FAULT.
OH? YOU KNOW WOMEN.
THEY'RE EMOTIONAL.
EVERY LITTLE THING SETS THEM OFF.
THEN THEY START TALKING WITHOUT THINKING.
THIS IS FOR MRS.
HUXTABLE? YES.
THIS BETTER BE GOOD CAKE.
WE'LL FIND OUT AT DINNER.
WHAT KIND IS IT? CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHIP.
AHA! MY SUGGESTION IS, ELVIN THAT BEFORE YOU TRY THIS OUT ON MRS.
HUXTABLE AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY YOU SHOULD HAVE SOMEONE SAMPLE THIS.
WOULD YOU? WELL, I YOU KNOW, I JUST DO YOU WANT ME TO? YES, SIR.
PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT.
I JUST HAPPEN TO LIKE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHIP CAKE I'M GLAD.
AND I'M AN AUTHORITY ON THIS.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
OH ELVIN WE'LL HAVE TO CUT IT AGAIN, I GUESS.
HERE IT IS.
HERE IT IS.
WE GOT A BREAKTHROUGH.
I MADE IT EXTRA DENSE.
IT SEEMS TO HAVE SOME SORT OF HUMANNESS TO IT.
IT DOESN'T WANT TO GIVE IT UP.
YEAH.
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
WE GOT IT NOW.
RATHER HEAVY.
NOW FOR THE COUP DE GRACE.
THAT'S JUST FROSTING.
I THINK NOT.
PRETTY GOOD, HUH? HOW WAS IT? YOU DON'T WANT MRS.
HUXTABLE TO EAT THAT.
WHAT NOW? I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE TOO FAR INLAND.
I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
OH, ELVIN.
OH, ELVIN.
CLIFF! HEY! CLIFF, COME HERE.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? SOMEBODY AT WORK HAD THIS CATALOG TODAY.
I'M THUMBING THROUGH THIS THING AT LUNCH TIME AND I FOUND THIS.
ELLIS WILSON.
YES.
MY GREAT-UNCLE.
ELLIS WILSON IS IN THIS BOOK.
THIS PAINTING USED TO HANG IN MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE.
WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I SPENT HOURS LOOKING AT IT.
TOMORROW IT'S BEING SOLD AT AUCTION, AND I WANT IT.
IT SAYS HERE THE PRICE IS $7,000 TO $9,000, DEAR.
YES, THAT'S THE ESTIMATED PRICE, BUT I REALLY WANT IT.
REALLY? IT'S AN AUCTION.
IT COULD GO FOR HIGHER.
WELL, DEAR, I'M WITH YOU.
I'LL BUY IT MYSELF.
IT'S BEEN OUT OF THE FAMILY FOR 30 YEARS.
I WANT TO GET IT BACK.
SOLD.
GREAT! I WANT TO SEE IT HANGING OVER THIS FIREPLACE.
GET IT AT THE AUCTION, I'LL HANG IT.
HI, MRS.
HUXTABLE.
HELLO, ELVIN.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.
YEAH, ELVIN DROVE SANDRA HOME FROM PRINCETON.
WHAT'S WITH THE APRON? I'M LEARNING TO COOK.
YOU? YES.
I BAKED YOU A CAKE BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED IT ON THE FLOOR.
OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
THAT'S TRUE.
MAYBE I COULD COOK DINNER FOR YOU SOMETIME.
NO, THAT ISN'T A GOOD IDEA.
I THINK IT'S A LOVELY IDEA.
I DON'T THINK THAT YOU THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YOU CAN COOK DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT AFTER THE AUCTION.
AUCTION? YES, AN ART AUCTION, AND WE'RE BUYING THIS.
THAT'S AN ELLIS WILSON.
YOU KNOW IT? SURE.
I'M AN ART MAJOR.
HE'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES.
WELL, THAT'S MRS.
HUXTABLE'S GREAT-UNCLE.
YOU'RE KIDDING! THAT PAINTING WAS MY GRANDMOTHER'S.
WHY IS IT AT AN AUCTION? MY GRANDMOTHER WAS OLD, SICKLY, HAD A LOT OF MEDICAL BILLS-- TOO PROUD TO ASK FOR HELP-- SO SHE SOLD IT WITHOUT TELLING ANYBODY.
DR.
HUXTABLE, IT'S WONDERFUL YOU'RE BUYING THIS PAINTING FOR YOUR WIFE.
I'M BUYING THE PAINTING.
DID DR.
HUXTABLE SAY IT WAS OKAY? IT'S ALL RIGHT, ELVIN.
I UNDERSTAND YOUR THINKING.
IT'S OKAY IF DR.
HUXTABLE BUYS THIS PAINTING BECAUSE HE WORKS AND HE'S A MAN, RIGHT? RIGHT.
WELL, I WORK AND I CAN BUY THIS PAINTING NOT BECAUSE HE SAYS SO BUT BECAUSE IT IS SO.
OKAY? OKAY.
OKAY.
MAY I STILL COOK DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT? NO.
ELVIN, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
I DON'T MEAN TO DO THESE THINGS.
THEY JUST COME OUT.
I UNDERSTAND, SON.
IT'S SORT OF LIKE TALKING AND NOT THINKING FIRST.
YEAH.
I GET THAT FROM MY MOM.
YOU WANT TO COOK TOMORROW.
YES, I DO.
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO COOK ANYTHING? JUST CHOCOLATE NO, YOU DON'T.
IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE YOU KNOW HOW TO DO? WELL SALAD.
STAY WITH THE SALAD, BOY.
NOW, I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING SPECIAL.
WE'RE GOING INTO THE KITCHEN.
OKAY.
JUST PAY ATTENTION TO ME.
YOU WANT TO IMPRESS MRS.
HUXTABLE.
VERY MUCH.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, MY BOY YOU ARE GOING TO LEARN FROM ME.
YOU'RE GOING TO FIX DR.
HUXTABLE'S SECRET SPAGHETTI SAUCE.
IS IT HARD? NO, INDEED.
IT COMES OUT OF A JAR.
OH, IT DOES.
DR.
HUXTABLE'S SECRET SPAGHETTI SAUCE IS ACTUALLY "MRS.
FARBER'S HOT AND SPICY BARBECUE SAUCE.
" BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY COOKING.
IT IS COOKING.
ALTHOUGH YOU GET THE JAR IT'S WHAT YOU ADD TO THE SAUCE THAT MAKES IT WORK.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING? FIRST, MAKE YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A COOK.
POTS ABOUT THIS SIZE.
PUT WATER IN THEM.
PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE COOKING WHEN THEY SEE STEAM.
OKAY.
NOW, YOU'LL PUT ALL KINDS OF LEAVES AND SPICES AND HERBS AND TREE STEMS IN ALL OF THESE POTS.
GARLIC-- ANYTHING THAT GIVES OFF AN AROMA.
YOU HAVE THE LID ON.
THIS IS BUBBLING AND STEAMING, TREES BREWING.
LIFT THIS-- THEY COME OUT.
MEANWHILE, OVER TO THE SIDE ( PUT PUT PUT PUT ) "MRS.
FARBER'S HOT AND SPICY.
" YOU UNDERSTAND? DON'T LET ANYBODY SEE YOUR TRICKS.
YOU'RE THE CHEF.
YOU'LL SEE THEM PEEKING THROUGH DOORS AND YOU STAND, AND YOU JUST-- YOU HAVE NOTHING IN HERE WHAH! AND DO LIKE THAT.
AND KEEP YOUR ARM BENT LIKE THIS.
AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE GO DOWN HERE AND COME BACK UP AGAIN.
NEVER LOOK LIKE YOU CAN'T FIND SOMETHING.
THEY'LL SAY, "HE'S LOST SOMETHING.
" AND YOU GOT STEAM COMING OUT AND DO A LOT OF THIS.
YOU GOT IT? MRS.
FARBER'S HOT AND SPICY -BARBECUE SAUCE.
-BARBECUE SAUCE.
WITH THE LITTLE HERBS AND BUSHES.
OKAY, I'LL TRY.
BUT, DR.
HUXTABLE, I'M STILL WORRIED.
EVEN IF I MAKE A GREAT SAUCE I STILL MIGHT SAY SOMETHING STUPID TO MRS.
HUXTABLE.
WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING DUMB-- LIKE YOU USUALLY DO GET UP FROM THE TABLE, SON AND YOU COME BACK HERE, YOU UNDERSTAND? GO OUT THIS DOOR, AND KEEP GOING! HEY, DAD.
READY FOR THE AUCTION? YEAH.
HOW DO I LOOK? GOOD.
YEAH, BUT DO I LOOK GOOD? YEAH, YOU LOOK GOOD.
COCKROACH SAID THESE AUCTIONS ARE REALLY FANCY.
EVERYONE DRIVES UP IN LIMOUSINES WEARING TUXEDOS AND MINK COATS AND EATING CAVIAR.
WHEN DID COCKROACH GO TO AN AUCTION? HE DIDN'T.
HE SAW ONE IN A MOVIE.
OH YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HE SAID? HE SAID EVERY WOMAN THERE WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLE.
WELL, JUST SO THESE UNBELIEVABLE WOMEN WILL NOT SEE YOU GETTING OUT OF THE CROWDED STATION WAGON WE'LL LET YOU OFF TWO BLOCKS AWAY FROM THE PLACE AND YOU CAN GO INTO THE CAVIAR STORE AND PICK UP A SIX-PACK.
( DOORBELL ) THANKS, DAD.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
- HEY, ELVIN.
- HEY, THEO.
HI, DR.
HUXTABLE.
ELVIN.
ALL SET FOR DINNER.
WHAT'S THAT? ELVIN IS COOKING DINNER TONIGHT AFTER THE AUCTION.
WE'RE HAVING SPAGHETTI WITH ELVIN'S SECRET SAUCE.
SOUNDS SERIOUS.
IT IS.
IT BETTER BE GOOD.
OKAY NOW.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE? ALL RIGHT.
THE LEAVES.
WITH THE STEMS ON.
THAT'S RIGHT.
GARLIC? GARLIC.
THE ITALIAN PARSLEY? GOT THAT.
WHERE'S "MRS.
FARBER'S"? UNDERNEATH THE BOXES OF SPAGHETTI.
COOKIN'.
COOKIN'.
WELL, I'M READY.
HI, MRS.
HUXTABLE.
HELLO, ELVIN.
YOU LOOK LOVELY.
THANK YOU.
I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY ELVIN GOOD LUCK AT THE AUCTION.
YOU'RE NOT JUST BUYING A PAINTING YOU'RE RETRIEVING A SYMBOL OF YOUR HERITAGE.
MOST PEOPLE TAKE THEIR PASTS FOR GRANTED BUT I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT IF WE ONLY LOOK FORWARD WITHOUT LOOKING BACKWARDS WE'RE REALLY LOOKING NOWHERE.
ELVIN, THAT'S LOVELY.
AND I WANT TO SAY ELVIN, ELVIN, ELVIN THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT'S ALL I WANT TO SAY.
WOW, MOM! THIS IS COOL! YEAH, THIS IS NICE.
ALL RIGHT, NOW LOOK.
BEFORE ANYBODY DOES ANYTHING, YOU JUST REMEMBER-- DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! YOU GOT IT.
WHERE'S YOUR PICTURE, MOM? THERE IT IS.
OH, LOOK! I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS SINCE I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD.
THAT'S THE PAINTING.
RUDY, YOUR GREAT-GREAT-UNCLE PAINTED THIS.
I LIKE IT.
SOMEDAY YOU CAN SHOW IT TO YOUR CHILDREN.
I WON'T LET THEM TOUCH IT.
MAY I LOOK AROUND? THERE ARE SOME THINGS I WANT TO CHECK OUT.
I HOPE THEY'RE UNBELIEVABLE.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
DAD, CAN WE LOOK AROUND, TOO? YES, PLEASE.
KEEP AN EYE ON RUDY.
I ALWAYS HAVE TO WATCH HER.
COME ON.
I'LL HELP YOU.
THIS IS A GOOD SIGN.
WHAT? WE'RE THE ONLY ONES LOOKING AT THE PICTURE.
FINE BY ME.
MAYBE THERE WAS A CROWD OF PEOPLE BEFORE WE GOT HERE.
NO, I THINK ELVIN'S ABSOLUTELY CORRECT THIS TIME.
I THINK WE SHOULD ALL MINGLE AROUND AND FIND OUT IF ANYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT THIS PAINTING.
YOU MEAN SPY? YEAH.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
WE'LL ALL GO OUT AND MINGLE.
WE'LL MEET BACK HERE AT 1600 HOURS.
ALL RIGHT? AND THE CODE WORDS WILL BE "THE WET DOG SIGHS IN THE DRY FIRE.
" ALL RIGHT, DAD.
WE'LL MEET BACK HERE AT 1600 HOURS.
HI.
HI.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT? NICE.
YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DO YOU? TO BE HONEST IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING MY LITTLE SISTER WOULD DO.
BUT THAT'S WHY IT'S GOOD.
IT'S SIMPLE AND INNOCENT.
YOU MUST KNOW A LOT ABOUT ART.
MY DAD'S A CURATOR AT A MUSEUM.
I'M DARLENE.
I'M THEO.
THERE ARE A COUPLE OF OTHER PAINTINGS AROUND HERE I DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT.
MAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME? SURE.
HEY, THEO.
HI, THEO.
WHO'S SHE? THIS IS DARLENE.
DARLENE, THESE ARE MY SISTERS.
HI.
HI.
SHE'S TEACHING ME ART.
OOH, ISN'T THAT NICE? ART.
YOU LIKE HER? THERE'S A PAINTING WE SHOULD CHECK OUT.
LET'S GO.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THE PLEASURE WAS ALL OURS.
HELLO.
HOW YOU DOING? FINE.
ELLIS WILSON.
OH, YES.
DEFINITELY.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
WHAT A NICE PAINTING.
BY A VERY IMPORTANT ARTIST.
YES.
BUT SEVEN TO NINE THOUSAND-- THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
NOT REALLY.
ACTUALLY, A STEAL.
IT IS? YEAH.
JUST LOOK AT IT.
THIS PAINTING SHOWS WILSON'S MASTERY OF LIGHT.
THE GAUNT FORMS THE SIMPLICITY OF COMPOSITION GIVE THIS PARTICULAR PIECE RHYTHM AND MOTION.
I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS A NICE PAINTING.
OH, NO, MY FRIEND.
IT'S A LOT MORE THAN THAT.
THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT WORK BY A MAJOR ARTIST.
THANK YOU.
PHILIP, THIS WOULD LOOK MARVELOUS OVER THE COUCH.
YES, DEAR.
YOU KNOW YOU CAN NEVER TELL WHAT THESE THINGS WILL GO FOR.
THAT'S TRUE.
I WAS HERE A FEW MONTHS AGO WHEN A PAINTING THAT WAS ESTIMATED AT $10,000 WENT FOR $98,000.
THAT'S WHAT I CALL AUCTION FEVER.
RIGHT.
THAT COULD HAPPEN TONIGHT.
GOOD.
THIS ROOM IS HOT.
YES, IT JUST MIGHT BE.
DARLING? $18,500.
$19,000.
THE BID'S UP FRONT HERE ON THE LEFT AT $19,000.
SOLD NOW FOR $19,000.
OUR NEXT PAINTING IS LOT #22-- A LANDSCAPE BY EDWARD DOUFNER.
THAT WOULD LOOK NICE IN MY WAITING ROOM.
IT REALLY WOULD.
WHAT'S THE ESTIMATE ON THIS? THE ESTIMATE'S $700.
$700? I THINK I SHOULD TRY AND GET IT.
THINK I SHOULD? YES.
WE'LL START THE BIDDING AT $500.
WHO WILL SAY $500 FOR US? WHO WILL SAY $600? $600 ON THE LEFT.
LADY'S BID AT $600.
$600 AGAINST YOU, SIR.
HOW ABOUT SEVEN? $700 NOW.
$800 I HAVE.
THE LADY'S BID AT $800.
WILL YOU SAY NINE? $900 IN FRONT.
NOW $1,000.
$1,000 I HAVE OVER HERE HEY! STOP IT.
THAT'S MY DADDY'S PICTURE! I HAVE $1,000 AND A YOUNG LADY WHO LOVES HER DADDY.
HOW ABOUT $1,100, SIR? ELEVEN! AUCTIONEER: THAT'S THE WAY.
I HAVE $1,100.
SAY TWELVE.
$1,200 OVER HERE NOW.
$1,300.
$1,400.
$1,500.
$1,600.
$1,700.
$1,800.
$1,900.
$2,000.
I HAVE $2,000 OVER HERE, THEN.
TWENTY-ONE? SOLD FOR $2,000.
LADY'S BID ON THE LEFT.
A $700 PAINTING THAT WENT FOR $2,000.
YOURS IS GOING FOR $40 MILLION.
I DON'T CARE, CLIFF.
I WANT IT.
DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO ME.
I HOPE IT LOOKS GOOD IN JAIL.
OUR NEXT NUMBER IS LOT #23-- A WORK BY ELLIS WILSON.
DEAR, HE HASN'T ASKED FOR THE BID YET.
I'D LIKE TO START THE BIDDING AT $5,000.
I HAVE A BID AT $5,000.
THANK YOU.
WHO WILL SAY $6,000? $6,000 ON MY LEFT.
NOW IT'S $6,000.
SAY SEVEN? $7,000 I HAVE.
NOW EIGHT.
$8,000 OVER HERE.
YOU ALREADY HAVE A PAINTING FOR YOUR COUCH, DARLING.
THE LADY'S BID AT $8,000.
WHO WILL SAY NINE? NOW AT $8,000 ON MY LEFT.
WHO WILL SAY $8,500? $8,500 AT THE BACK.
$8,500.
WHO WILL SAY NINE? $9,000.
THE BID'S UP FRONT.
$9,500.
ON MY LEFT NOW AT $9,500.
NOW $10,000.
$10,000 AT THE BACK.
$10,000 AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM.
NOW TEN-FIVE.
TEN-FIVE ON MY LEFT.
$10,500.
ELEVEN? ELEVEN.
$11,000 IN FRONT.
$11,000 NOW AGAINST YOU, SIR.
AT $11,000.
WILL YOU SAY $11,500? IT'S $11,000 HERE, THEN-- THE LADY IN FRONT.
SOLD FOR $11,000.
ALL RIGHT! THEO: ALL RIGHT! WELCOME HOME, UNCLE ELLIS.
AND THIS IS THE PADDLE THAT BROUGHT YOU HOME AND IT'S STILL SMOKING.
( RING ) HUXTABLE RESIDENCE.
YES, HE IS.
MAY I ASK WHO'S CALLING? OH! THEO, IT'S DARLENE-- YOUR ART TEACHER.
OOOH! I'LL TAKE THIS ONE UPSTAIRS.
HE'S GOING TO TAKE IT UPSTAIRS.
WHOA! WHOA! ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE IT DOWN HERE.
OOOH! ( DEEP VOICE ) HELLO? OOOH! YEAH.
I HAD A GREAT TIME, TOO.
WHOO! WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT? ( DEEPER ) WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT? THEO, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE IT UPSTAIRS.
DARLENE, I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS UPSTAIRS.
HOLD ON, PLEASE.
NO.
YOU GUYS STAY HERE.
OOOH! ELVIN! I'M IMPRESSED.
THANKS, MRS.
HUXTABLE.
SMELLS DELICIOUS IN HERE.
MRS.
HUXTABLE, WOULD YOU LIKE A TASTE? I'D LOVE A TASTE.
HMM.
ELVIN, THIS IS GOOD.
I KNOW.
CLIFF, THIS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS YOUR SECRET SAUCE.
I GAVE HIM A FEW POINTERS ON IT.
YOU TWO COULD COLLABORATE AND MARKET THIS.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
I COULD GO FOR THAT.
OF COURSE, AS AN ATTORNEY I SUGGEST YOU GET MRS.
FARBER'S PERMISSION.