The Ghost and Molly McGee (2021) s02e14 Episode Script

1
(laughing maniacally)
-I can't believe you're all mine ♪
-Uh, what?
-You and me for all time ♪
-Ugh!
I'm never, ever, ever
gonna be alone again! ♪
Oh, boy!
-The dream team, you and me ♪
-For all eternity?
-For all eternity! ♪
-(yelps)
BOTH: It's the ghost, it's the ghost ♪
And Molly McGee ♪
I've been cursed, it's the worst! ♪
MOLLY: Now you're stuck with me! ♪
BOTH: We're never gonna be apart ♪
Is there a way to hit restart? ♪
-Nope!
-BOTH: We're the ghost ♪
Ghost and Molly McGee ♪
-That's me!
-Well, that's she.
BOTH: The Ghost and Molly McGee! ♪
(spooky music)
Scratch, you promised to lend a hand.
You know I'd love to, but look,
I got a case of paddle hands.
Nothing I can do. My paddles are tied.
You know, it's funny
that somehow your paddle hands
always seem to come on
right when it's time
to wash the dishes.
Isn't that a coincidence?
-It's just a medical condition.
-(hurried footsteps approaching)
(panting)
(sighs)
Hey. So, um just a quick FYI.
Do not go into the basement
under any circumstances.
Like, at all. Do not do it. Do not. Don't.
Okay, see ya!
That was quite cryptic.
And incredibly alluring.
Mean now, all I'm thinking about
is what's down there.
Hey! Excuse me, Scratch. We can't, okay?
Because Darryl just told us
not to go downstairs,
so we just need to forget the whole thing
and get back to the basement--
I mean, the dishes.
(clears throat)
So, um
What do you want to do today?
No, uh, you know, nothing.
-We could take a walk.
-Yeah.
Check out that, uh, restaurant place
for basement--
Oh, yeah, basement.
It's almost basement time.
I've been really craving
a basement burger with cheese, actually.
-What are we basementing for?
-You know what?
Help me put these basements away--
Hey! Stop thinking
about basements, Scratch!
-I know, right?
-You know, Darryl's always tricking us.
So probably, he thought--
-Reverse psychology!
-So we thought
-that he thought that
-Yes.
we didn't want to go down there
but now, he knows that we
should go, because that's what
-he wanted us to do.
-He wanted us to do. Plain and simple.
The way that I remember,
he was begging us.
-Begging us. To go down there.
-He was begging us.
-Okay, great.
-That's it.
(uneasy music)
-(popping)
-Ahh! It's a trap!
He set us up!
Molly!
You're standing on bubble wrap.
(pops)
-Oh.
-(popping)
BOTH: Bubble wrap!
-(exciting music)
-(Scratch laughs)
(laughs)
(pops)
(Molly giggling)
-(laughing)
-(popping)
-(pops)
-(air hissing)
-SCRATCH: Whoa!
-(laughter)
(happy sigh)
So satisfying.
Classic bubble-wrap rager right there.
(crunching)
Uh, did we miss a bubble?
That's impossible!
This bubble-bursting booty don't break
till it's busted every bubble!
Then what did I step on?
Eight legs. Eight eyes.
-A lot flatter than I remember.
-(eerie music)
Scratch, it's Heidi Hairylegs!
We killed Darryl's pet spider!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
"We"? I didn't step on her.
In fact, I don't even have legs-- Ooh!
You're the one who said
we should come down to the basement.
We're in this together!
Well, I'm already an accomplice.
We do this right!
Step one, get rid of the evidence.
-Ugh!
-It touched me. It touched me.
(both gag)
Tonight, we cover our tracks,
bury the evidence, and never--
And never, ever tell Darryl what happened.
-That's right.
-He loved that spider.
He'd be crushed.
Like Heidi, right?
I'm sorry! I had to!
-(thunder crackling)
-(wind howling)
Okay, be sneaky.
The darkness is our friend.
Okay, I think this is a good spot.
Start digging. I'll keep a lookout.
(shivering)
How's the hole coming, bud?
(grunts)
I think you're gonna need to take a turn.
I feel a bad case
of paddle hands coming on.
Oh, yeah, the paddle hands.
Always real convenient timing
with the paddle hands.
(tense music)
(grunting)
(pants)
There. It's done.
Huh. It really felt like
it was deeper than that.
It really did, didn't it?
Oh, well. Big enough for a spider.
-(grunts)
-(shovel clangs)
Guess one of us
should probably say something.
(clears throat)
We are gathered here
on this extremely creepy night
to say goodbye to Heidi Hairylegs.
She was a loving companion
to Darryl McGee--
(through gritted teeth)
Assuming spiders are capable of love,
which I have my doubts.
-Hit the gas.
-Yeah, yeah, okay.
(clears throat)
Heidi, I'm not going to miss you,
but I will never forget you.
Or the horrifying crunch you made
when I stepped on you.
-The end, by Molly McGee.
-Good job.
Now all we gotta do is bury the memory
deep down in our souls
and carry the burden
of what we did for the rest of our lives.
How hard could that be?
(thunder crackling)
-(uneasy music)
-Scratch, are you asleep?
No. You?
No. Every time I close my eyes,
I see hers.
All eight of them.
(both shudder)
SCRATCH: Mmm.
-Hey, Molly!
-The eyes! So many eyes!
Darryl.
(nervous chuckle)
Sweet forgiving
little brother Darryl.
What What brings you here to this
our lovely kitchen?
(nervous chuckle)
Have you seen Heidi?
I was keeping her in the basement,
but now she's missing.
You didn't go into the basement, did you?
Spider? Basement?
(stretching in high-pitched voice)
What?
(whispers)
Uh, take it down a couple octaves.
(continues stretching in lower voice)
(awkward laugh)
(in normal voice)
What my friend, my very good friend,
is trying to say is that
we can't believe Heidi would go missing
because she's such
such a people's spider.
A spider of the people.
Yeah, and she really turned me around
to spiders as pets, and she's
she's around here somewhere
and definitely still alive.
No reason to think that she wouldn't be,
not at all!
(whispers)
You can stop talking now, bud.
I can't. I really can't.
Did you guys do some kind of curse
that makes you extra weird?
-(awkward laugh)
-Yes, that is exactly what happened.
-How did you figure it out?
-You know Molly
You know me.
I just love messing with curses, so
(Scratch sighs)
(whispers)
You almost gave us away!
(whispers)
Me?
You basically confessed
with your motor-mouthing!
(scoffs)
Day one and we're already
turning on each other.
(sighs)
You're right. You're right, Scratch.
I'm sorry. We can't let this change us.
Darryl's got no proof.
No body, no crime.
As long as you and I keep it together,
-we'll get away with it.
-Right.
We just can't let the paranoia
get the better of us.
(sneaky music)
(upbeat music)
You're having terrible delusions ♪
You're feeling
Footsteps on your thighs ♪
(gasps, yelps)
Get it off!
-You're seeing optical illusions ♪
-(yelps)
And you don't think
You can finish your fries ♪
That's a first.
-(whimpers)
-Your heart's racing ♪
You're pacing the floor ♪
-(screams)
-Feels like you're cracking up ♪
Every time you take a sip
Of your drink, you go ♪
(yelps)
Arachnid in my cup!
DARRYL: What'd you say?
Darryl! Hi! I I didn't see you there.
I actually said I'm, uh
rappin' about a pup.
You see, I'm writing
a hip-hop song about a fancy dog.
Anyways, it's not that big of a deal.
I gotta run. I'll see you later. Bye.
You're seeing spiders, spiders ♪
Crawling in your brain ♪
You're seeing spiders, spiders ♪
Coming out the drain ♪
You're tied up in knots ♪
And you're skipping your lunch ♪
-You can't un-hear that crunch ♪
-(crunching)
-(gags)
-Spiders, spiders ♪
It won't let me go!
-You're seeing spiders, spiders ♪
-MOLLY: No, no, no, no!
You're caught in its web
But you're sure that it's dead ♪
Wait, could it be a spi spi spi
-BOTH: Spider ghost!
-You're seeing spiders ♪
Okay, here's the plan. Dig Heidi up,
and bury her far, far away from the house.
That way, her ghost can't find us.
Yeah. Maybe a a a Viking funeral.
Put her in the river. Send her out to sea.
(gasps)
Or we could flush her.
I like that too.
A lot of good ideas on the table.
Okay, we can scheme while we dig.
Now, where's that grave?
Wait, you're the one
who started digging it.
-Don't you remember?
-That was ages ago!
The criminal life has changed me!
(grunting)
(dramatic music)
(thumps)
(whimpers)
(grunting)
Ah, I found it! I found it!
Heidi!
-Heidi, where are you?
-(box thuds)
Um, what are you guys doing to the yard?
We are building, uh, uh, a pool.
Can you put in a slide?
Oh, Molly! Slide! Can we, please?
(through gritted teeth)
I'll think about it.
Not just one of them straight ones,
a big spiral one.
Water park level!
(chuckles)
Totally agree.
Anyway, have you seen Heidi?
-SCRATCH: He's onto us!
-MOLLY: No, he's not. We can fix this!
SCRATCH: We can't take the chance.
Hit him with the shovel!
MOLLY: Scratch, no!
Just make something up.
Yeah, um, so, Darryl
uh, the reason
you can't find Heidi is because
she's on vacation!
Heidi? My spider?
Is on vacation?
Yes! Having that many legs is exhausting.
So she booked a trip to
Centipede World!
MOLLY: The perfect getaway
for the budget-minded spider.
Scenic, welcoming, and reasonably priced.
-Too far, Molly.
-Yeah.
Well, Heidi would have
fewer legs in Centipede World
than just about anyone else.
-But aww, there you are.
-(uneasy music)
(screams)
The ghost of Heidi has come for us!
Forgive us for what we did.
-What "you" did!
-What "we" did!
What are you two babbling about?
We squished Heidi Hairylegs.
We're so sorry, Darryl!
We were in the basement
even though you told us not to!
Her idea! I just followed!
Cursed to be with her
wherever she goes, whatever she does.
Honestly, I'm just as much of a victim
as dear sweet Heidi.
-(tragic music)
-Okay, fine! I stepped on Heidi!
It was an accident,
but now her vengeful phantasm
is haunting us!
She's she's come to take us
to that big spiderweb in the sky!
Um, she's not a ghost.
She just looks like this when she molts.
(sobs)
Say molt now?
She shed her old exoskeleton.
Until the new one hardens up,
she's all pale and spongy.
(chittering) Molting is a natural
and refreshing part of my life cycle.
Wait, so then what did we step on?
-Probably her discarded husk.
-(wind blows)
Yup, that's a husk all right.
(gags)
Ugh, I hate spiders so much.
(gags)
Molting is a very personal process.
I wanted to give her some privacy.
That's why I put her in the basement
in a bubble wrap nest.
Which someone messed up.
So we didn't kill your pet?
(laughs)
Oh, wow.
We really spun out of control there, huh?
(laughs)
Oh, the shenanigans we get into.
You two are weird.
Come on, Heidi.
Let's go get you some tasty crickets.
Well, glad that's over.
Guess we don't need this anymore.
-(grunts)
-(bird squeaks)
(thuds)
(tweeting)
I'll get the shoebox.
SCRATCH AND MOLLY:
The Ghost and Molly McGee ♪
(upbeat music)
Ordinary, ordinary guy ♪
I drive a soccer carpool ♪
Ordinary guy ♪
CROWD: Boo!
Oh!
(grunting, screams)
(dramatic intro music)
Kenny Star, the down-home country crooner
has been exposed
as a rhinestone-studded sellout.
Even his loyal eagle, Stripes,
has had enough and flown the coop!
CALVIN (on phone):
Strenny fans are devastated!
My heart. My fragile heart.
(bat clacks)
(crowd booing)
CALVIN: And now
the pampered prince has gone missing!
Well, to that I say
have you checked your local ivory tower?
(snickers)
Whoo! Catch a falling Kenny Star, right?
Oh, come on, Scratch.
Don't kick a country star
when they're down.
-Eh.
-And he is down.
Like, subterranean down.
I keep telling you, sir.
We can't break 1,000-dollar bill.
-(Kenny groans)
-Huh?
Uh, y'all take triple diamond cards?
(gasps)
You're Kenny Star!
Wait, what? No.
The name's Man. Norm L. Man.
Just a regular fellow
with absolutely nothing to hi--
Yeah, it's me.
-Kenny Star is in Brighton!
-Shh!
I'm hidin' out!
I couldn't take the paparazzi
hounding me day and night,
calling me a sellout, a fraud.
(sniffles)
A has-been.
(sniffles)
(sobbing)
Molly! Make it stop!
-(blows nose)
-You know I'm allergic
to emotional vulnerability.
Gonna black out!
Uh, there, there, Mr. Star. It'll be okay.
"Okay"? Nothing is okay, okay?
I lost everything. My agent, my fans
(sniffles)
my eagle.
They say I've lost touch
with the real world,
sold out to a life of luxury.
Might as well hang up
your platinum spurs, Kenny.
Your career's over.
Ooh! Kenny Star's tears?
Do you know how much this stuff sells for
once a celebrity's career
joins the ghost world?
-Get him to sign it for me!
-What? No!
I mean no, you're Kenny Star.
You can't just give up!
You just need to reconnect
to your country roots!
Right? And what better place to do that
-than humble old Brighton?
-(mouse squeaks)
You know what, precocious little girl?
That ain't a half-bad idea!
Now point me in the direction
of your swankiest penthouse suite!
(racoons chittering)
Your room will be ready in a jiff.
Just gotta take care of a little
infestation problem first.
(nervous chuckle)
-DIANNE: Down! Stay down!
-(chittering continues)
You know, you can just stay at my house.
Whoa! The guest bathroom
at my third villa in Zurich
is bigger than this.
Well, this is the kind of roughing it
ordinary folks do.
But we're classy. Have a mint.
-Ooh.
-(grunts)
A real country star
sleeping under our roof.
This is a sign, fate whispering, "Sharon,
it's not too late to pursue
that music career."
Uh what?
-Good morning, Mr. Star. Coaster?
-Hmm?
Ooh, silly me. That's not a coaster.
SHARON: It's my old demo.
How'd that get here? Crazy!
You know what'd be fun?
What if we listen to it
and then we got to--
Uh, that'll stop the condensation
just fine, ma'am.
-Uh, excuse me, garçon?
-Uh, my name's Pete.
Or Dad.
(soft chuckle)
Actually, just call me Pete.
-(sizzling)
-Otherwise, it could get weird.
-(yelps)
-I'll take my usual
egg-white frittata with black truffles
and a green tea frappe
with a splash of soy,
a dusting of matcha and--
Hup! You aren't gonna win
your fans' hearts
with personal chefs or fancy orders.
MOLLY: It's oatmeal for you, buddy!
Okay, I'll just stick with coffee.
KENNY: Hey! Where's my mug?
This Kenny Star merch
is flying off the digital shelves!
I mean, the chest hair, the mug,
the cashmere undies Sold, baby!
Some mysterious superfan
keeps outbidding everyone!
We are gonna make so much money!
This sure seems like an odd place
to work on our tans.
"Tans"? We're here
for good, honest farmwork!
Remember your song, "Backbreaking Basics"?
(chuckles)
Of course!
The royalties from that number
bought my bungalow in Barcelona.
Okay, you gotta stop talking
about Barcelona.
That song was all about
connecting with the land.
So roll up your sleeves,
and get those hands dirty!
If this is what I gotta do
to revive my career
(Kenny grunts)
Oh!
(grunts)
Uh look at you!
Connecting with the land.
Right?
(awkward chuckle)
(country music)
I got the sun on my back ♪
Country air in my lungs ♪
I don't need nothin' but a hammer ♪
-And some ice for my thumb ♪
-(sucks teeth)
I'm smilin' for the first time ♪
Since I don't know when ♪
'Cause I'm feelin' like
My old self again ♪
(whispers)
That's a male.
(grunts)
I'm workin' the land
I'm fishin' the lake ♪
I still remember how to drive ♪
-I just forgot how to brake ♪
-Wait, what?
Sure, I miss the view
From my veranda in Spain ♪
But I'm feelin' like my old self again ♪
Eyes on the road!
-No more caviar food fights ♪
-(chicks chirping)
-Those days are gone ♪
-(chuckles)
No more topiary sculptures
Of myself on the lawn ♪
I'm gettin' back to my roots ♪
-He's gettin' poop on his boots ♪
-(horse neighs)
And I'm feelin' like my old self again ♪
-Feelin' like my old self again ♪
-(horse neighing)
Phew! Here you go, Sam.
Picked these turnips myself!
Ooh-whee!
Why, I have enough here
to feed the entire diner.
-Turnips for everyone!
-(customers cheering)
Pam! You and the missus
getting away this weekend?
Larry! Hear you got
a new litter of skunks!
Hey! Look at you!
A real man of the people again.
Hey, I am, aren't I?
Who knew a humble root vegetable
would help me find my roots again?
You had it in you this whole time.
You just had to dig deep. Literally!
(chuckles)
Well, here you are.
My special turnip omelets.
With turnip on top.
Oh, great.
(whispers)
No one really likes turnips, do they?
Uh
Hey! Didn't I have a fork?
How much can we get for this?
Now he didn't lick it,
but he did breathe on it, and I--
-Uh
-What?
I think I figured out
who bought all that Kenny merch.
(tires screech)
-We know you're in there, Kenny!
-(camera shutter clicks)
I mean, if you didn't want us to find you
in Britton? Brighton?
Where are we? Ah, who cares.
You shouldn't have left
your return address
-on all that merchandise you sold me!
-(groans)
Molly can't ever find out about this.
We're in this together, right, Scratch?
-Scratch?
-(camera shutter clicks)
(angry grunt)
Darryl! And most likely Scratch!
Uh, moi?
I've been here the whole time, okay?
No, no, no, no, no!
-(tragic music)
-The paparazzi! They found me!
I can't face 'em again!
-I've gotta get out of town.
-Or
you could show them
who Kenny Star really is.
Molly, you're right!
Yes, I am. And Mom, you're gonna help.
Nothing! I thought
Kenny might have dropped this
'cause maybe
he wanted to listen to it later.
And-- Wait, what? I can help?
-(crowd murmuring)
-(Molly clears throat)
(mic feedback)
Oh.
(nervous chuckle)
Thank you for being here.
Even if some of you only came to witness
the tragic downfall of a country icon.
CALVIN:
Bring out the diamond-studded sellout!
-(camera shutters clicking)
-But that is not what you're gonna get!
Give it up
for everyone's favorite ordinary guy
Kenny Star!
-(insects chirping)
-(man coughs)
Many of you accused me
of losing touch with my roots.
And you were right.
But much like a turnip,
my roots run deep.
Somewhere in between
The limousines and my ski chalets ♪
I got myself all turned around ♪
I lost my way ♪
But I finally felt like me again ♪
These last couple days ♪
Right here ♪
It's clear that ♪
-Small Town, America ♪
-(cow moos)
-Is where I belong ♪
-(sheep bleats)
-Small Town, America ♪
-(laughter)
Where the love is so strong ♪
All the lights in L.A. ♪
Make it hard to see stars ♪
Lucky this small town is ours ♪
(birds chirping)
Out here, the sun rises slow ♪
Over the barns on the hill ♪
And there's always a turnip pie ♪
Coolin' on some windowsill ♪
Strangers lend a hand ♪
To clean your chili dog spill ♪
And that's why you and I ♪
Live out here in ♪
-Small Town, America ♪
-(crowd cheering)
Where I'll remain ♪
No, I don't wanna go
To Monaco or Tokyo again ♪
I wanna sit out back singing ♪
While the kids go swinging ♪
And we all come running ♪
Once we hear that dinner bell ringing ♪
(triangle clinking)
In Small Town, America ♪
(clinking continues)
-Small Town, America ♪
-(crowd cheering)
Dude, can you agree Kenny's crushing it?
How could he afford all this?
Oh, I used all the money
you two made off selling his stuff.
What? All our hard work!
That's an invasion
of our invasive privacy!
-This small town is ours ♪
-(fireworks crackling)
-(cheers and applause)
-Yes!
Kenny Star is shining bright again!
Ignore the haters, Kenny!
I never doubted you!
Thank you, thank you.
I'm humbled.
-(lights clunk)
-(Stripes screeching)
-Stripes, you came back!
-(squawks)
-(cheers and applause)
-Strenny reunited?
My heart! My happy heart!
Thanks for helping me
reconnect to my roots
and my music.
Couldn't have done it without you, Molly!
-(Stripes screeching)
-Hyah!
MOLLY: There goes an ordinary guy.
Flying out of town
on the back of a giant eagle.
That's not ordinary, Molly!
-Is it not?
-No.
I think I've spent too much time with him.
-Yeah.
-But that song, huh? What a bop.
SCRATCH AND MOLLY:
The Ghost and Molly McGee ♪
(closing theme music)