The Proud Family (2001) s02e14 Episode Script

(snoring)
Hey, I got the food!
What’s with the evil eyes?
Dijonay, we sent you out
for food two days ago.
Oh, my bad.
I got a little sidetracked.
How do you like
my new outfit?
Tasteless.
Give me my food!
What’s wrong now?
I brought you your food.
Yeah, but it’s half-eaten.
And it’s cold.
If I knew you were going to complain,
I wouldn’t have saved you half.
Dijonay, I ought to just
(cheering)
Ooh, look, girls.
The tickets are
going on sale.
Hey, and we’re second in line,
and we are going
to the Third Story concert.
(all)
Yay!
(dings)
Sorry, girls, we’re sold out.
What do you mean, sold out?
There are no more seats. Reached capacity.
Full, packed, chockablock.
In other words,
you ain’t getting in, my young friends.
You’d gone online, you wouldn’t
have had to stand in line.
(chuckles)
Dang, that’s messed up.
We sat out here for nothing.
I mean, y’all did.
Shh.
Psst, psst.
You girls want ticket?
-How did you get tickets?
-Online.
But I guess you
wouldn’t know about that.
Look, since we like you,
we’ll give them to you at face value.
-How much is that?
-$40.
$40?! The tickets are
only ten bucks.
That’s not face value.
It is if you value your face.
(all)
We’re going to go see Third Story.
Yay!
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(door bell rings)
-They’ll make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family. ♪
Yeowch!
Uh-oh.
Something smells delicious.
It must be a tater tot,
fish sticks night.
Not for the best husband
in the whole wide world.
My prince, I made
all your favorites.
New potatoes, calamari
fritters,
peach cobbler and Cajun turkey.
White meat?!
Yep, just like you like it,
wrapped in hickory-smoked bacon.
Did you say, "Cajun turkey
wrapped in bacon?"
(cackles)
Whoo, sit down, Papi!
Your taste buds are about
to do the shake a leg.
(speaking Spanish) If only my body didn't
have to sit next to a ding-a-ling.
(cackles)
Uh-uh, Suga Mama.
That’s for Oscar.
Well, can’t I at least
have a fritter?
Maybe at your house.
This is not Wizard Kelly’s
All-You-Can-Eat Buffet, y’all.
Well, if that’s how you’re
going to be about it.
Come on, Papi.
I can’t believe it.
You cooked my favorite food
and got rid of Suga Mama
all in the same night.
-(sighs)
-Now, what do you want?
Can’t a wife do something special
for her husband once in a while?
No, it’s against
the Wives Union rule.
See? It’s just because of that attitude
that we need to go to
Dr. Phil Good’s Couples Retreat.
Dr. Feelgood?!
He’s a quack.
Come on, baby, we already
have three kids in the house.
It’s too late for us.
Dr. Phil Good is a great psychologist
who can help in making
our relationship stronger.
Besides, Oscar, this is about us
and not losing what we have.
I couldn’t lose you if I tried.
And believe me, I’ve tried.
How much more committed
could we be, Trudy?
Trudy, I told you it wouldn’t work.
The boy’s hardheaded.
What are you doing back here?
Shut up, boy. It was all a setup.
You didn’t really believe you were
Trudy’s prince, did you? Frog, maybe.
You’re going, Oscar,
and that’s that.
You have to work
on our marriage
like you work on your job.
You don’t expect much,
do you, Trudy?
Hey, family.
I got my Third Story concert tickets
for Saturday night.
Saturday night? Oh, baby,
your father and I have
a very important marriage retreat
we have to attend on Saturday night.
We need you
to watch the twins.
Why can’t Suga Mama do it?
Papi and I are going, too.
But you’re not even married.
Well, we’re thinking about it.
(speaking Spanish)
I'm just thinking about the hereafter.
(cackles)
Sorry, Penny. Looks like,
you’re going to have to do it this time.
Being in this family makes me sick.
Excuse me, young lady?
What did you just say?
Um, I said that
She said you’re making her sick.
And quite frankly,
I’m getting ill myself.
This is Third Story, Trudy.
Not Second Story.
Not First Story. It’s Third Story.
No way the girl can miss that, Trudy.
And there’s no way you’ll miss the ground
if I push you from the third story.
Come on, Trudy. You are being selfish.
We have to think about our children.
Can we really have a happy marriage,
without happy children?
You’re going, Oscar, and that’s that.
Happy children!
Nobody gonna tell me what to do.
I got my two feet firm on the ground
Whoa, what are you
wearing, Dijonay?
I’m wearing
a security guard uniform,
so I can get backstage.
Hey.
Backstage?! I want to get onstage
with Third Story.
Penny, why are you
so quiet?
I’m not going.
My parents are going to
some dumb marriage retreat,
and I have to
watch Bebe and Cece.
That’s so not fair.
My parents are going, too,
but thank goodness
I’m an only child. And cute.
I’m just glad my parents don’t go
to corny stuff like that.
(woman)
Hey, Dijonay!
Don’t make any plans
for Saturday night.
Me and your daddy going
to a couples’ retreat.
Hey!
(school bell rings)
Hey!
We’re about to go to the mall.
You guys coming?
-No.
-No.
Come on. Cheer up.
Watching your brothers and sisters
is a noble thing to do.
And you should be honored to
watch them for your parents.
Well, why don’t you
watch them for us?
Get real! I can’t help it if your
parents’ marriage is on the rocks.
Let’s go, Zoey.
We have places to go and things to buy.
So long, losers.
On the rocks?
I don’t know what she’s talking about.
Her parents are going, too.
Well, Dijonay, since we’re both on
baby lock-down,
we might as well
do the time together.
Why don’t we baby-sit
at my house?
Okay. We can listen to
our Third Story CD and watch videos.
We’ll make it
like a party.
(Nubia)
Yo, Proud!
Word on the yard is that you and
blondie, here, can’t go to the concert.
Yeah, we want our money
back for the tickets.
Money back?
(scoffs)
The Gross sisters
don’t give refunds.
But y’all look desperate,
so we’ll make an exception.
We’ll give you a refund,
minus depreciation.
Depreciation?
Yeah, fool. It’s like a new car.
Once you drive it off the lot,
the value decreases.
Now, according to the
Concert Blue Book,
value for a $30 concert ticket
after 24 hours is, uh
Oh, wait a minute.
We paid you $40.
Don’t be correcting me
when I’m doing you a favor, Proud.
(indistinct whispering)
Okay, after administrative fee,
your refund amounts to
-$5.
-$5?
Did I st-stutter?
You punks can take it
or leave it.
I’ll leave it.
I can pin it on my wall,
as a sign of what almost was.
I’ll take it. Depreciated money
is appreciated money, OK?
(register ringing)
(cackles)
Nice doing business with you.
Yo, Changs!
I got that last concert ticket
right here. $50, yeah!
Yay!
-Third Story, Third Story!
-(yelling)
(smashing)
Dang, Dijonay! Can’t you control
your brothers and sisters?
No, can you?
(Chanting)
Thingie, Thingie, Thingie!
Thingie’s not on right now.
You know, we have the Thingie
tape at home, Penny.
-I’ll go get it.
-Fine, take them with you.
No, it’ll be faster if I go by myself.
I’ll be back
before you can say "duck."
Ow!
I told you to duck.
(laughing)
(screaming)
Thingie, Thingie
I told you. Dijonay’s coming back
in a few minutes.
Dang, where is she?
-Oh, she’s not coming back.
-What do you mean?
Dijonay paid us to be bad,
so she could get the Thingie tape.
We don’t even like Thingie.
Where did she go?
(cheering)
Third Story, Third Story
Hey, guys!
Dijonay!?
What are you doing here?
Well, Penny thought it didn’t make sense
for both of us to miss the concert,
so she said I could come.
Oh, dang, I love her.
(cheering)
-(kids yelling)
-Ooh, ooh!
I’m telling my mama!
Ooh, I can’t believe Dijonay left me
with Bebe’s kids all by myself.
-(crying)
-What’s wrong, Cayenne?
I’m not Cayenne!
Well, whatever spice you are,
what’s wrong?
Cinnamon and Nutmeg
left me.
They said I was too little
and I couldn’t go.
Go where?
I don’t know!
-They took their skateboards and left.
-(gasps)
(shrieks)
Where did they go?
Skateboarding, fool.
Cinnamon! Nutmeg!
Y’all will get in trouble if y’all don’t
get your narrow behinds back here!
Nuh-uh. You about to get in trouble.
(crashing)
You supposed to be watching us.
Will you please chill, Hot Sauce?
The name is Tabasco, a’ight?
You better recognize.
OK, you guys, stay here until I get back.
Uh, Basil, you’re in charge.
It’s Bah-sil, you American twit.
Yo, yo, yo, B-izzle’s in charge.
Y’all know what that means.
It’s peanut butter jelly time ♪
Peanut butter jelly time,
peanut butter jelly time ♪
Now, where he at,
where he at, where he at? ♪
Now, there he go, there he go
there he go, there he go ♪
Peanut butter jelly,
peanut butter ♪
Jelly peanut butter ♪
Jelly peanut butter jelly ♪
Peanut butter jelly ♪
Peanut butter jelly
With a baseball bat ♪
No! Stop it!
What are you doing?
Turn that off! That’s too loud.
Stop, please?!
No, sit down. Sit down!
Peanut butter jelly ♪
-Peanut butter jelly ♪
-Uh-huh.
-Peanut butter jelly ♪
-Where he at, where he at? ♪
Peanut butter jelly
with a baseball bat ♪
Peanut butter jelly ♪
The key to our next exercise
is the same key
to a successful marriage.
Separate bedrooms?
(laughing)
Oh, you’re Mr. Funny Bottoms.
That’s why you’re here.
Spending more time joking
than trusting.
This here is what I like to call
"The Chair of Trust."
Suspended above you
are 250 pound anvils.
This is an exercise in trust.
When I release the anvils,
you, the men,
have to trust
that you’re underappreciated,
overworked and misunderstood wives
will stop the anvils
from crashing down
upon your thick heads
thereby crushing your pea brains
and reducing you
to a state of vegetation.
-Are we ready?
-(all) No!
(all yelling)
Hey, what’s wrong
with this door?
It’s bolted, you buffoon.
-Now sit.
-You can’t do this.
I said sit down.
Yeah, I tell you what,
I’m going to sit down this time
but ain’t nobody going
to be telling me what to do.
Huh?
(all screaming)
Quiet, you girlie men.
Now, ladies, it’s all up to you.
Now let me remind you,
no one would blame you
if you let the anvil drop.
I can honestly say all of you women
can do better.
All right, ladies,
do what you got to do.
(buzzes)
(all)
No!
Ooh, Papi, Papi!
I’m sorry, Papi.
Say something.
(speaking Spanish) Ugh.
The devil is old and has gray hair too.
Congratulations, guys.
Apparently, your wives love you.
Why?
I don’t know.
Our next exercise
is about truth.
-(horses stampeding)
-(all) No!
-(yelling)
-(grunting)
Again, ladies,
you can do a lot better.
Cinnamon, Nutmeg.
Come on, spice girls, where are you?
Dang, when I catch up
to that Dijonay
There they go right there.
(Penny) Where?
Cinnamon, Nutmeg, get back here.
Bye!
Where did they go?
-Down that big ol’ hill.
-Down the hill?
-Jelly time ♪
-(Penny yelling)
-(Penny yelling)
-(kids laughing)
(kids laughing)
Help!
(Penny screaming)
(girls laughing)
(horn honking)
(tires screeching)
Out of our way! Out of our way!
Whoo-hoo!
(kids laughing)
Watch out!
Move the limo! Move the limo!
I don’t have brakes!
(Penny screaming)
(Penny screaming)
(grunts)
Hey, what’s up, guys?
Ooh, curly fries.
My favorite.
Thanks, Kevontay. Kevontay?!
Then you must be Jay-R,
D’Smoove, J’Son and Gavin!
Oh, do you guys know
you are 3rd Storee?
Do you know you’re sitting
on my burger?
Oh, my bad. Here you go.
Uh, that’s okay, you keep it.
(thudding)
Yo, what’s up
with the little rascals?
(kids shouting)
Get off the car,
you test-tube baby!
You know your parents can’t afford
nothing like this.
Mmm, you can’t afford it either.
I don’t see you
riding in the back.
(stammering) Oh, oh,
you going to clown me, huh?
You riding a Big Wheel, huh?
At least I don’t
have a big ol’ head.
Now who told you
you didn’t have a big head?
You better look in the mirror.
Ooh, but you can’t,
’cause you’re head’s too big.
You need an IMAX mirror to look
at that big head of yours.
Ooh, you ill-mannered.
You, you’re lucky I ain’t
your daddy, uh-huh.
Mmm, I don’t think so.
You too ugly to be my daddy.
Tabasco, Cinnamon. That’s enough.
Now apologize, all of you. Now!
(all)
We’re sorry.
-Sorry, Mr. Limbo
-Driver.
Um, excuse me, miss,
but all those kids belong to you?
Yeah. I-I mean, no.
See, I was supposed to go
to your concert tonight.
I paid $40 for a ticket
but then I found out
I had to baby-sit.
Then I sold your ticket back for $5,
to the Gross sisters.
Then me and my ex-best friend,
were supposed to baby-sit together,
but she ditched me
to get the Thingie tape.
Now I’m stuck with 11 kids,
one dog, and a sad story.
A’ight, a’ight. What do you say
we make this a happy story, a’ight?
Why don’t you roll with us? Cool?
Yeah, we’ve got a stretch limo.
We’ve got room for everybody.
(laughing)
(all)
Yay!
Yeah!
Uh-uh, I don’t think so.
I was paid to carry 3rd Storee,
not Horror Story.
-You better get on the bus.
-(gasping)
Baby face, you’re not paying me enough.
You need to vamonos .
-Jelly time ♪
-(cheering)
Jelly time, jelly time ♪
Settle down. Sit-sit down.
Don’t mess with that.
That’s a power window.
(chanting)
3rd Storee, 3rd Storee
I just want to know how all of you
got in on one ticket?
(all) Told them we were
Siamese triplets.
(laughing)
Isn’t this exciting?
I’m dressed cute, I look cute
and 3rd Storee is cute.
We’re all to the cute, girlfriend.
Wait a minute.
This ain’t right.
We’re having fun,
and our girl Penny isn’t here.
A moment of silence, please.
Here’s to our homegirl,
Penny Proud,
who ain’t here. Hey.
(man) Hey, you. And you and you.
Show me your tickets.
-Is there a problem, sir?
-There certainly is.
These tickets are fake.
(gasps)
Fake? What do you mean, fake?
They’re fake, phony, not real.
In other words,
you won’t be back.
(girls screaming)
I can’t believe the Gross sisters,
sold us fake tickets.
Why can’t you believe that?
Hey, where are
the Chang triplets?
-(man yelling)
-(Changs screaming)
You’ll hear from my Daddy’s lawyer.
Instead of Wizard Auditorium,
this joint is going to be called
Chang Auditorium.
(horn honking "La Cucaracha")
(cheering)
Step aside, groupies.
3rd Storee coming through.
Stay behind the velvet rope.
VIPs. Come on now.
(crowd cheering wildly)
Hey, wait a minute.
Is that Penny?
Well, that certain is
her penny-ante outfit.
And those are my brothers
and sisters.
Hey!
Hold up! Penny!
Hey, back up, Lemon Head.
Hey, I’m with them.
Right, Penny?
Girl, you wouldn’t believe it.
Those tickets were phony.
Oh, you mean like you?
No, I don’t know her.
But she does look like
somebody’s backstabbing friend.
Well, they know me.
They’re my brothers
and sisters.
Hey, Chuckies,
y’all know her?
-No.
-Nope.
Hey, Penny.
You know us, right?
Yeah, I know everybody
but her,
Dijonay Jones.
Yeah!
Back up, Deacon Jones.
Okay, let’s go.
-Got to go, y’all.
-That’s okay.
I know my girl is not going
to leave me out here.
She just trying to scare me.
(announcer)
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is 3rd Storee!
(soft intro playing)
Ooh, that’s my jam.
She’s got to come out and get me.
She knows that’s my song.
I’m just going to get my groove on
until she comes and gets me.
(music continues)
What am I thinking?
She’s not coming to get me.
I wouldn’t come back for me, either,
the way I dogged her out.
Real friends don’t run out on you,
and leave you with their nine
wild brothers and sisters,
and expect for you to get them
into the concert.
I haven’t been
a very good friend.
Why should I be treated
like one?
(Penny) Which is why I told them
I didn’t know you.
Penny, uh, d-did you hear
everything I just said?
Every word.
And I meant all of them.
Except for the last part,
about you not treating me
like a friend.
Well, I shouldn’t.
You know, Dijonay,
you always do this to me.
You always take advantage
of me
and I’m not going to be cool about it
any more.
Either you’re my friend
or you’re not.
I-I’m sorry, Penny.
I was going to do the right thing
but that 3rd Storee ticket
was just calling me and
Anyway, I’ll be back at the house.
Oh, come on, girl.
You know I came out here to get you.
I’ll just never trust you again.
Wait a minute. How can we be friends
if you don’t trust me?
Oh, I trust you.
I trust you to be the person
I can’t trust.
How can you trust me
if you don’t trust me?
Oh! I get it.
You accept me
for who I am.
Yeah.
And you still love me?
Girl, you know I do.
Hey. I knew you were my girl.
Ooh, come on.
They’re singing our song.
(adults)
B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O ♪
And Bingo was his name-o ♪
Well, Oscar, it seems like you men
enjoyed yourselves after all.
Oh, I had a great time.
Especially when Dr. Feelgood
let us hit our wives with pies.
(Oscar laughing)
-(blow landing)
-(Oscar yelps)
That’s what we’re supposed to do
with these things.
Yes, Gordito.
(Sunset laughing)
(cackling)
Well, now Papi had fun,
didn’t you, Papi?
-(game playing on radio)
-Goal!
(laughing)