American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e15 Episode Script

1
Yo, welcome to
the Jake invitational,
where y'all get to challenge
the reigning skate champ
of the 5 boroughs: Me!
Quick shout out to
last week's challenger,
Rick malamute.
The rickster's just been
upgraded to stable at
county general, people.
And remember, a doo-rag
is not a substitute
for a helmet. Ok.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
Ha ha ha. Brilliant.
I score you
a perfect 10
Huh. Looks like
we got a challenger.
With the lady's
permission.
Whoo-hoo!
Awesome!
Uh, you squashed her lunch.
Did I?
You'll find
the salad tossed
The orange peeled
And the personal pizza
cut in fourths.
Ha! Nice try--
Nigel thrall,
Fillmore middle school's
newest exchange student.
Spiffing? Yo, maybe
they talk like that
where you're from,
trix, let's show our friend
how we flow in the n-y-c.
Yeah, baby Jake,
let's do this.
Little lost kitten
just in from Great Britain ♪
From the rhymes
I'm spittin' ♪
Yeah, Jake!
Oh, is this
what they call
freestyle rap?
Oh, yes, may I
contribute a verse?
Ok. Oh, dear.
Let's see
Checkity check it,
for goodness sake ♪
Your hair's
like a weed,
it needs a good rake ♪
Yo, the dollar's worth
less than the pound
in the u.K. ♪
Try not to cry when
I'm pounding you, 'k? ♪
You do reach my knees
on the b-ball court ♪
Why's a kid named long
got to be so short? ♪
[Cheering]
Be honest.
How'd I do?
Uh
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
People,
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
It's destiny,
who wants some tea? ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not braggin' ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
American dragon ♪
I've been out-skated,
out-rapped, out-classed.
Stick a fork in me.
I'm done.
[Pffffft]
Yeow! Oh!
Figure of speech.
Uh, my bad.
Yo, we nominating
school officers today.
So far, it looks
like the usual gang
of jocks and jerks.
Who cares
about elections?
Oh, boy, don't tell me
you still trippin'
off this morning.
So what if Nigel
beat you at all the stuff
you're into.
Just beat him
at something he's into.
Well, from what I saw
at the snack bar
a minute ago,
Nigel likes bagels.
So bust out a giant bagel
the size of a tractor tire.
You start munching,
like, gngngngngn,
and he'll be looking
at it, all salivating.
[Clears throat]
"May I have a bite,
old chap?"
And you'll be, like,
"no way, dude."
But he can't 'cause
you had it made special!
[Groans]
Boo-yah!
Jakie, get over
yourself, ok?
We got bigger fish
to fry,
like the future
of our school.
For the last time,
trix,
nobody cares about
these dumb elect--
But I'd be honored
to serve as your president.
That is, if you'll have me.
I'm suddenly feeling
politically active.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
I'm Jake long, and I'm
running for president.
Does this mean we're
tabling the bagel idea?
I'm telling you, fu,
I don't have time
to clean out the shop.
I've gotta meet Trixie
and spud to plan my campaign.
Besides, since when
does gramps even care
how this place looks?
Since boomgarden's
opened across
the street.
Gramps says if we want
to stay in business,
the shop needs
a facelift.
All right.
Chupacaberbile?
[Sniffing]
Oh, yes!
This stuff expired
during the Chang
dynasty.
Ooh, lose it.
Oh, that's a keeper.
The galiavera
or helmet of truth.
Well, aside from
protecting your noggin
the helmet lets you
hear people's
truest thoughts.
Used to belong to
an ogre named maximinus.
Old maxi used it
to anticipate
his opponent's moves,
pretty soon
he was picking fights
outside the arena.
Sacked about half
the Roman empire
till the dragon council
confiscated his helmet.
We've had it ever since.
So this thing reads minds?
Kid, I wouldn't
do that--
What's up, fellas?
Nice helmet.
We're out campaigning,
he's playing dress up
with the dog.
Heard what?
Yo, I heard that.
What you didn't say.
Let me try spud.
[Thinking]
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale again,
exhale again.
Eyes starting
to dry out.
Blinking.
Time to blink.
That's right. Jake's
gonna be the next
president of Fillmore.
All he's gotta do
is win a little
popularity contest
against
the most popular
guy in school.
What?
What did I say? I
didn't say anything.
Such competition
is unwise, young dragon.
He who thinks only
of defeating his enemy
defeats himself.
Oh, yeah? What about
your enemy?
Hiya, friends.
Chick boomgarden
from boomgarden electronics.
Are you tired
of slow repairs?
I'll fix your TV
just as soon as
I feel like it. Ha!
At boomgarden's, we fix
your gadgets the same day.
And while you wait,
enjoy fresh bass
from our fish market,
indoor lawn bowling,
and shetland pony rides
for the little squirts.
By the time you're finished,
we're finished.
So come on to boomgarden's.
All: We fix it fast!
[Shouting in Chinese]
Hyah!
So I'm thinking,
you need a platform, jakie.
Platform?
Yeah, ideas on how
to improve the school.
Take my textbook,
for instance.
This bad mama jama
weighs more than I do.
So what if we put
all this stuff online?
Save a few trees,
you know, save a few spines.
Student: Oh, my back.
See? Ideas, ok? Ideas.
Oh, I got one.
I say we change
our school fight song.
I always feel funny
singing hail,
the conquering spartans
when our goalie
just scored on himself.
It's time for
a little honesty.
Fillmore's team
is noble ♪
A Valiant
brotherhood ♪
But let's just
get out there ♪
We don't play sports
so good ♪
What's that sound?
Just a basic
2 chord progression.
You like?
You likee?
I mean that!
You gotta be kidding me.
You think
you can get votes by
giving out free stuff?
[Shouting and screaming]
Free stuff?
Awesome!
Come on, voters.
Plenty for everyone.
Man, Nigel
schooled us today.
Don't worry, bro.
He may have won
the battle,
but you'll win
the war.
Hey, is that
a Nigel track suit?
Oh, well
It was free.
Off!
And the shirt.
We're taking this stuff back
right now, little mister.
Jakie, just forget
that boy.
Why you getting
so jeally?
Hello! You got
magical powers.
That's something Nigel thrall
will never have.
Hmm.
Yeah, well, here we are.
Nigel thrall's
campaign headquarters.
He won't mind
if I let myself in.
Huh?
Huh?
Huh?
Uh, Jake, what is--
Stay back.
Dragon up!
Evening, all.
You've been using magic
to buy the election.
I prefer sorcerer,
and unless
it's the dry climate,
you had a nasty case
of scales a minute ago.
Well--
as for buying
the election,
I've done no such thing.
I only use magic to
speed things up a bit.
Sounds like somebody
I know.
So what are you
doing here?
We've got flying horses
at belmont,
singing cats
on Broadway.
New York's
a magical town.
The perfect place
to complete my training.
Training? You mean
you're just
an apprentice?
Also sounds like
somebody I know.
Trix, not helping.
Yo, I don't know
what passes for magic
in fru-fru land,
but here, you gotta do more
than float a few buttons
to impress.
Careful, long. That
sounds like a challenge.
Hmm. No spells
barred election.
May the best magic win.
All right, 2 candidates,
hold still.
And cheese.
Actually,
I welcome the pressure
of public office.
I quite enjoy the hot seat.
Then you'll love this.
Aah! Oh, my buns!
Hot cross buns!
One penny, 2 penny, aah!
Tempest in a jar,
spread the rumor far.
Jake long doesn't bathe.
I--uh, I think
I've gonna vote for long.
Nigel: Jake long
doesn't bathe.
Uhh. Then again,
I heard he--
Doesn't bathe?
I heard that, too.
See that green junk
in his hair?
Fungus.
Eew!
Eew!
Eew!
Now, if the election
was held today,
most of the students
would be confused
but 80% say they'd
rather have root beer
with Nigel.
For the last time,
boy,
you gotta stop
Nigel fixating
and start
legislating.
Just take a stand
on something
you care about.
It's not about that, trix.
To do that,
I gotta think about
what the voters care about.
If I can only find out
what's really going on
in their minds.
Come to loushi's
repair-adise.
While massage therapist
work on your deep tissue
at our relaxation station.
And remember, if I can't beat
boomgarden's advertised price,
I'll throw in this
delightful life's a beach
beverage coozy.
Cut! Sheesh.
Would it kill you
to smile?
You look like
a mug shot.
Jake: Ah, here it is.
So what do you think?
[Thinking] I think
this thing's bad news.
[Thinking]
No matter where you go,
if you try to hide,
the moon will always
find you.
Come on, Jake. You don't
think anyone's gonna notice
that you got a 2,000
year old hunk of metal
on your head?
I mean, how you
gonna hide that?
As you can see, no one's
got more spartan spirit
than Jake long.
I dig you,
Fillmore middle school,
and I wanna hear
what's on your mind.
[Voices expressing boredom]
Oh! Migraine!
So how about
one at a time?
[Thinking]
Whatever. I'm just
a vote to you.
'Cause to me,
you're more than
just a vote.
[Thinking]
What can you do for me?
I bet you're wondering
what I can do for you.
Tell me, what do you
want more than anything?
I guess I'd say
a quality education.
[Thinking]
Cutie patootie's
phone number.
I think
my cutie patootie
campaign manager
can explain
my platform
Over smoothies.
Give her a call,
say sevenish?
[Thinking]
I'm definitely voting
for this guy.
[Thinking]
Ugh. I hate trigonometry.
[Thinking]
Lasagna rollups again?
Ugh. I'm gonna hurl.
What does coach sackerson
know about Shakespeare?
Elect Jake long,
and I'll ban trigonometry
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
And make sure
the only thing this man teaches
is zone defense!
Hee hee! Yay!
[Chanting]
Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!
What's this thing?
Hey, hey, put me down.
It seems you're
the man of the hour.
What's your secret?
Let's just say
my listening tour
well, enjoy your popularity
while it lasts,
'cause it won't.
I've got some magic
that will blow
your doors off.
Oh, yeah?
Like wh--
Nigel?
I'm telling you,
Nigel's sweating me.
48 hours till e-day,
big speeches tomorrow.
I got this thing in the bag.
Uh, Jake,
is your gramps
still redecorating?
Huh?
Gramp's shop!
Gramps and I were gone
a half hour tops.
When we came back,
the place looked like
a twister hit it.
Chick boomgarden
will pay for this!
[Speaking Chinese]
Man, I've seen this kind
of destruction before.
Oof. But never
from a human.
Something tells me
chick didn't do this.
Nigel: I've got some magic
that will blow
your doors off.
But I think
I know who did.
Well, I knew
you were bold,
but I didn't know
how bold.
I don't try
to outclass you, long,
but you make it so easy.
I mean trashing
my grandpa's shop.
What are you on about?
I had no idea
you had a grandfather,
don't lie to me.
You said you'd blow
my doors off, remember?
[Clears throat] And now,
without further delay,
here are your candidates
for student body president!
Nigel thrall and
Jake long.
[Coughing]
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
your candidates!
Where's Jake?
He said something about
making that dufusy Nigel
pay for his
dufus-itiness.
You know, the usual.
Aw, man, you serious?
Ok, we gotta stall.
Hey, hey, hey, Fillmore!
What's up, people?
[Silence]
Ok, so let's talk issues,
starting with
these cinder blocks
they're calling textbooks.
Yeah. Do we really need
2,000 pages on marine biology?
There's only 3 things
to know about fish:
And if you gotta treat
a jellyfish sting
with natural acids,
the helmet of truth
will expose you
once and for all.
Now, did you wreck
my grandpa's shop?
[Thinking]
I honestly did not.
But if you didn't,
then who--
[crashes]
[Roars]
Maximinus.
I think the ogre
likes your helmet.
Get inside.
I'll take care of him.
Dragon up!
And dragon down.
Nice try, long.
Now it's my turn.
Fetch a pen and paper.
No shame
in taking notes.
Steak and kidney pie,
make this ogre fly.
Steak uh
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Yo, I'm taking notes.
Is wipeout
one word or two?
Aah!
Aah!
Gramps, we got problems.
And what's up
with our school dances?
No disrespect,
principal rotwood,
but you should not be
picking the music. Uh-uh.
But it is impossible
to get my suave on
to roll out the barrel.
Maximinus has a strong
psychic connection
with that helmet.
You awakened him,
alerting him
to its location.
Ok, now
it's making sense.
I tried the helmet
at your shop, so
he went there first.
He must have
trashed the place
looking for it.
When I used it
here at school,
look, kid, me and gramps
will never get there in time.
If you wanna make it
past third period,
you gotta join forces
with that sorcerer
and double-team
the big fella.
And whatever
you do--
Don't let maximinus
get the helmet!
[Thinking]
Can he hear me?
Oh, man, he can hear me.
I gotta knock
that helmet off.
[Thinking]
Maybe this branch.
[Nigel thinking]
If I can just remember
that shrinking spell.
Why is he still fighting?
He's got his helmet.
They're sticklers
for the whole fight
to the death thing.
He's taking us
to the roof.
We know
you're gonna beat us ♪
We think
that's pretty clear ♪
But please
don't run the score up ♪
Our families are here ♪
[Grunting]
Let's think, long.
How can we--
Why whisper? Trust me,
ugly's picking up
every single thought.
Wait, that's it.
The fire alarm.
Hmm?
Nigel, the alarm.
Can you move it?
Uh, I think so.
Go ahead.
Alert school.
Bell, book, and candle.
Pull down the handle.
Ha! Students
won't save you.
Bell, book, and candle.
Pull down the handle.
[Alarm rings]
Get ready for
a Sonic boom
of teen angst.
Huh?
[Everyone talking]
So many voices.
I can't take it!
I think I got
a little carried away
with our competition.
If you win,
I'll support you.
Likewise, mate.
For a job as my
vice president,
are you, long?
Now, that's just sad.
What? In your dreams.
I'm in it to win it.
Fine.
Fine.
Aha! The election results
have been tallied
and[speaking German].
For the first time
in Fillmore history,
it appears we have a tie.
Beginning this month,
your classroom presidents
will be
Trixie Carter
and Arthur spudinski.
2 write-in candidates.
Whoa!
Huh? What?
[Crowd cheers]
Trixie and spud?
But how?
I guess they won
because they had
real ideas.
All Nigel and I
ever did
was tear
each other down.
Ah, yes.
I, too, have learned
that grudges
are a waste of time.
I've decided to end
my childish feud with
boomgarden's electronics
Starting tomorrow.
Fact: He has serious
anger management issues.
[Shouting in Chinese]
Fact: He is a menace
on the road.
[Shouting in Chinese]
Fact: In this footage recorded
by a concerned citizen,
he can clearly
be seen talking to a dog.
Loushi: Would you trust this man
with your appliances?
Paid for by friends
of chick boomgarden.