Big Nate (2022) s02e15 Episode Script
Speed Bump Brawl
[both panting]
- Come on, Francis! Stay with
me!
- [yelling]
- Whoa! Huh?
[dramatic music]
- It's too far, Nate.
We can't make it!
- You know what we have to do.
- [gasps] You mean--
both:
Slingshot!
Whoa!
Whoo!
- Huh.
[toilet flushes]
- Nate, look!
It's the door to the
Temple of Azrahan.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- I've had it
with these people!
- [grunts]
[both gasp]
- Sorry, Francis,
but you gotta go.
- Get away from that boy.
- We obviously need
to re-evaluate
our "friend of Francis"
screening process.
- Wait!
- [gasping]
[grunts]
- Francis! No!
- Nate!
- What is happening?
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- Dad! What was that all about?
- Son, the Popes are evil,
a discovery I made
after fighting with them
on social media,
where lots of people
liked and agreed with me.
- Dad, the Popes
are good people.
- Would good people wanna
rebuild P.S. 38 speed bump,
the one that
finally decomposed?
- I mean,
what are we doing here?
A school without a speed bump!
- Anybody who is
anti-school speed bump
clearly hates children.
- Okay, that seems
a bit dramatic.
[roaring]
- So the Popes
want a speed bump.
Who cares?
- Tell that to Cousin Amos.
He was just minding
his own business,
walking through a restricted
construction site.
Then he tripped, and
- [yelping]
- He was sealed
inside a speed bump.
- What does that
have to do with me
hanging out with Francis?
- Those Popes
could brainwash you
with their speed bumping ways.
- Martin Wright is a maniac
with terrible judgment.
- And that Nate will
grow up to be worse.
all: No more hanging out
with that boy!
[both gasp]
[school bell rings]
- [groans] Our parents
are being ridiculous.
Banning me and Francis
from hanging out?
[laughing] I mean,
they can't enforce that.
- Yeah, I mean, it's not like
they can follow you
around school.
- Ha!
[feedback squeals]
- Good morning, children.
I'm delighted to
announce that P.S. 38's
student principal of the week
is Chad Applewhite.
This week, he'll learn
the ins and outs of the job,
starting with the
announcements.
Batter up, Chad.
- The word of the week
is bumfuzzle,
meaning to confuse
or to fluster.
As used in a sentence,
when I woke up in a tank
full of rabid jellyfish,
I was bumfuzzled.
- Francis, Nate.
Direct orders from the top
to split you buddy-boos up.
[all gasp]
- Mrs. Godfrey, I--
- Back of the room, Nate, now!
[laughing maniacally]
[somber music]
♪
- This stupid speed bump issue
is way worse than I thought.
- Now, Chad, my boy,
being a principal
is a lot of responsibility.
Everybody's depending on you.
With that burden comes respect.
- Oh, I've never
had respect before.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Nichols, Is this
speed bump going in or not?
- [laughs nervously]
- [yelps]
- Get out here.
I know you heard me.
- First lesson, Chad.
Avoid conflict at all costs.
Second lesson,
always have an escape plan.
- [yells]
- [laughs]
- Oh.
[shady music]
- Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
Jaguar calling Lobster.
My dad is out of earshot.
Are you clear?
- All clear, Jaguar.
- Ugh. I wish you were here.
I have this monster zit
on my back,
and I want you to log it
in our book of bacne.
- Yeah, that's right.
I'm back!
- Hey, where's Francis?
- You know, zits are
the speed bumps of the body.
Goodbye, Nate.
- Hey!
[yells, grunts]
- [yelling]
All right, I gotta talk
to Principal Nichols.
[birds cawing]
- We need that speed bump.
- You all should be worried
about the shifting
tectonic plates
beneath the school.
- Principal Nichols,
it's time to settle
this debate once and for--yah!
Chad? What are you doing here?
- I'm avoiding conflict.
- Chad, we've gotta find
Nichols
and solve this
speed bump brawl,
or I'll never see
Francis again.
- Well, I promised to keep his
hiding space a secret, but--
well, Gram Applewhite says,
"If you don't
"write your promises
in yak blood,
then they aren't
legally binding."
[laughs]
Okay, Nate. Follow me.
[both yell, grunt]
- [eating noisily]
[screams]
- Whoa, sweet setup.
[grunts]
- Keep your voice down.
[door creaks open, slams shut]
[water trickling]
- Shake once, shake twice,
and flush, and zip.
- [grunting]
- Oh, sugarplum,
better get in here.
- [screams]
No, please!
- There he is.
- Wait, Principal Nichols!
Principal Nichols! Please!
[yells]
- [stammering]
[yelps]
[screams]
- Nichols, we need an answer!
- Justice for Cousin Amos!
- Now, now,
everybody stay calm.
[dramatic music]
Oh!
[siren wailing]
- Promise me, my boy.
[clears throat]
Promise you'll take care
of our school.
- I won't let you down, Dad!
- I'm not your father.
You know what? Never mind.
Make me proud.
- Okay, Dad.
[thud]
- Ah!
[tires squeal]
[loud crash]
- This is your fault!
- Shame on you!
- Our friendship
is doomed, isn't it?
- No way! I have a plan.
Meet me at the woods' edge
at noon tomorrow.
- Simmer down, pustules.
[children laughing, talking]
[air horn blares]
- [yelps]
- Now, I'm sure you've all
heard the rumors
of Principal Nichols
going on medical leave.
It's true.
He'll be out for a week.
Therefore, our own student
principal, Chad Applewhite,
will take the helm
until further notice.
- Huh?
[all cheering]
- Um, Mrs. Godfrey,
wouldn't it be
a better idea
for an adult to do it,
like--oh, I don't know--you?
- Chad, you have all the
charisma of a stick of butter,
and people like butter.
Besides,
none of the teachers wanted
more responsibility
for less pay.
Nice try, Bundt cake.
- Amazing. Chad's in charge.
- I can already taste the lack
of adult supervision.
[all cheering]
[both panting]
[both laughing]
- Oh, we're free, Francis!
We're free!
Some dumb speed bump
can't ruin our friendship.
- Yeah, who needs parents?
[laughs]
So what do we do now?
- Whatever we want.
[upbeat music]
both:
We're men, we're men ♪
We're men living
in the woods ♪
Bet nobody thought we could ♪
But we're doing it ♪
[yelp]
Best friends, best friends ♪
Best friends
taking on the world ♪
Our dreams will all unfurl ♪
'Cause we're doing it ♪
Yeah, we're doing it ♪
- We'll forage around,
collecting wood ♪
- Do you think
these berries taste good? ♪
- All that matters
is sticking together ♪
- When your families
have gone mad ♪
- We'll drink the water
from the river ♪
- Oh, I've got pain--
is that my liver?
- I just realized
we should boil the water ♪
- This gunky texture
churns my guts ♪
- [grunts]
[toilet flushes]
- We can't chop wood
without an ax ♪
- Were those
berries poison? ♪
- Dude, relax ♪
- Nate, I'm serious ♪
My mouth feels
fuzzy and hot ♪
Also, what's that rash
on your back? ♪
- Now we're really
freaking out ♪
- What was that?
I heard a howl!
- Where do we sleep while
getting pelted with rain? ♪
- It burns my skin.
I don't wanna do this anymore!
both: We're men, we're men ♪
[chainsaw rumbling]
We're men living
in the woods ♪
We really thought
it'd be good ♪
But we're doing it ♪
Yeah, we're doing it ♪
[sobbing]
- I wanna go home!
- It's so wet out here.
- We may have made
a huge mistake.
- We did. We definitely did.
Look!
[both scream]
- Howdy, boys.
No need to fear me.
[laughs]
Unless you fear the truth.
[bird calling]
- The truth?
- They call me Harsh Carl
for my blunt way of speaking.
What others call rude,
I call freedom.
[eagle screeches]
- Whoa, whoa, wait.
So you live off the grid too?
- Sí, amigo.
I was drummed out of the
Rackleff scientific community.
Those fools refused
to believe the results
of my nutrition research.
- I like science and nutrition.
What did you discover?
- That everyone should eat
an all-starch diet, obviously.
I mean, I survive
exclusively on potatoes.
Here, have a French fry.
And here, use this
starch oil on your rash.
- [yells]
It burns! It burns!
- Which means it's working.
So what brings you
to these parts, huh?
- Our parents got
in a stupid fight
and wouldn't let us hang out
anymore, so we ran away.
- Smart.
You should always burn your
bridges over any disagreement.
It's called boundaries.
- At first, we thought that--
- I'm already bored
with your story.
- Well, I'm inspired by yours.
Uh, maybe we could
live out here with you
and build our own society.
Think of it--
we can make our own utopia,
free of anger and conflict,
and full of potatoes.
- Huzzah, I've made friends!
Finally.
both:
Huzzah!
- [vocalizing]
[yelps]
- Oh, Chad!
We just love what you've done
with the place.
- Oh, well, thanks.
The chair is finally
molding to my buttprint.
[horse whinnies]
- Huh?
[both laughing]
- You, sir, are a riot.
- Oh, we wanted to share some
plans for a new giraffe farm
to put in place of the football
field, which we will finance--
should the new speed bump
go in, of course.
- Um
[suspenseful music]
Okay.
- Did you hear that, honey?
both:
Okay!
- I just gotta say how
proud I am to see you
taking on this principal role.
You've come a long way
since those sleepovers
with Nate back in the day.
- Sorry again for destroying
your bathroom that one time.
- Water under the bridge.
And also in the walls
and subflooring.
Anyhoo,
speaking of speed bumps,
I know you'll do the right
thing and get rid of it.
- Okay.
- Okay? Okay.
Well, thattaboy, Chad.
- Wow.
Everyone is so happy
when I say okay.
Maybe if I just let everyone
do what they want,
it will all work out.
[all yelling]
- [laughs, grunts]
- [laughing]
[explosion]
- Approve our simultaneous
vacation time.
[upbeat music]
[all laughing]
[airplane engine roars]
- We have to do something!
- Okay.
[all yelling]
[dog barking]
- [yelling]
- Here you go, buddy.
Buen trabajo.
- I'm so excited to do
a musical with costumes
brought straight from Broadway.
You da best, Chad.
- I'm that kid who
ripped the water fountain
out of the wall for no reason.
Heh. Thanks, Chad.
- Chad Applewhite, thank you
for promising to remove
that awful speed bump.
It really puts a delay
in my commute.
- It's no problemo.
That speed bump is
deader than a dinosaur.
- That's interesting
because you promised us
it would be rebuilt.
- And by dinosaur,
I meant like a crocodile
that is still very much alive,
but still prehistoric.
- So which is it, Chad?
- Oh!
Who's Chad?
[yelps]
[yelps]
- Whoa, look at that.
[laughs]
- So cool.
- It's our own
Temple of Azrahan.
- All right!
- Ahh. This is the life.
- Why didn't we do this sooner?
- Hey, tell me something.
What was that big fight
about, anyway?
You know, the one in Rackleff,
with those wacko
potato deniers.
- Oh, yeah.
Francis's parents
were in a blind rage
about rebuilding the school's
only speed bump.
I mean,
that's pretty stupid, right?
- Blind rage?
They were worried about
keeping kids safe.
Have you seen the way
your dad drives?
- Okay, you know what?
That was one fire hydrant,
and it came out of nowhere.
- Well, if there had been
a speed bump,
then maybe that fire hydrant
would still be with us.
- Are you serious right now?
Did I not tell you
about my Uncle Amos
or cousin or something?
- Yeah, your cousin Amos
sounds like an imbecile.
If your dad would
just admit he's wrong,
then we wouldn't even
be in this predicament.
- Except that he's right!
- Boys, take some sage advice
from old Harsh Carl.
The best solution
is just to burn your bridges
and walk away.
That's what I do,
so my truth is never wrong.
It's why I sleep like a baby--
that and my all-starch diet,
which may explain my chest
pains and chronic fatigue.
[snoring]
Starch.
- You know what?
Harsh Carl is right.
You won't listen to the truth,
so why should I try?
I'm going home.
- I'm going home,
too, without you.
both:
Hmph!
[tense music]
Okay, I have to head back
the same way,
but I will do so
at a much faster pace.
all:
Speed bump or bust!
Speed bump or bust!
all:
Justice for Cousin Amos!
- We're focused on
the wrong thing!
all:
Can it, Janet!
- [yelling]
[loud crash]
[monkeys chattering]
- [whimpering]
What would
Principal Nichols do?
Oh!
[intriguing music]
[gasps]
[chuckles]
Oh, Mrs. Shipulski,
please ask the parents
and students to come see me.
I will take their requests
one at a time.
[dramatic musical sting]
- Hey, Dad!
both:
Dad, you were right.
I should have listened to you.
- Dad?
- Uh, hello?
[tense music]
both:
Where is everybody?
- Chad, speed bumps
entombed my cousin
and nearly killed
our principal.
Who's next, the president
of the United States?
- [chuckles]
Couldn't agree more.
- [screams]
[loud crash]
Next.
- What are you guys
gonna ask for?
- A tour bus to take my
one-woman show,
"Dee Dee: Double the Danger,"
on the road.
- Are you guys noticing that
people go into Chad's office
but never come out?
[electronic chirp]
- [screams]
[all gasp]
- I'm okay!
- Go. Go!
- [yells]
- Chad, what are you doing?
- Avoiding conflict.
I'm the principal.
- You can't just send people
down some random trap door.
- Yes, I can. Look.
[electronic chirp]
- [yelps]
- What?
[electronic chirp]
Oh, boy.
[all yelling]
- Hey, kids. Come over here.
This is our side of the cellar.
- Your side is clearly bigger.
- Because more people
agree with me.
- This is not
going to end well.
[rumbling, cracking]
- It's happening!
I told you to pay attention
to the tectonic plates.
Doomsday is upon us!
all:
Can it, Jan--
[screaming]
[suspenseful music]
- Huh? Ugh.
- Ugh.
both:
What are you doing here? Hmph!
- Look, I don't know
where my parents are,
and this is starting
to feel like
that "Time Disruptors" comic
where the whole town
gets abducted.
- Stop trying
to make me like you
with your super-specific
comic book references.
But yeah, my dad's missing too.
- As much as I hate it,
we should stick together--
uh, for safety.
- [splutters]
I mean, obviously.
But that does not mean
we're friends.
- How long were we gone for?
[monkey screeches]
- Hello, children!
Friendly reminder
that our pep rally begins
in the auditorium at 3:30.
Don't miss out
on your free yogurt pop.
- I have so many questions.
- Good afternoon,
my dutiful students.
Who's excited
for our pep rally?
- Woo!
- It should surprise no one
that Patricia
is our student of the month.
- Okay, I've seen enough.
Hey, Chad. Where is everybody?
- Sometimes the principal
has to make hard choices
to avoid having
to make hard choices.
[rumbling, cracking]
[both screaming]
[both grunt]
- This can't be
how my life ends!
Chad, what have you done? Gah!
[dramatic music]
- Nate, the floor is lava!
- Okay, yeah.
Thanks, Captain Obvious.
- No, the floor is lava!
[clock ticking]
[bell dings]
- [gasps]
- Francis,
you beautiful genius!
God, stop being so
irresistibly likable.
You ready?
- Always.
Well, I--not always,
but in this case, yes.
- Nate, over here!
Quick, grab my hand!
- Get away from my boy!
Francis, come to Papa!
- You get away from my boy!
[both grunting]
- Oh, no! Nate!
- Great--our parents
couldn't stop fighting,
and now we're gonna die.
Nate, I wanna apologize
for what I said in the woods.
I cared more about being right
than about our friendship,
and I'm sorry.
- That's--that's very big
of you, Francis.
I accept your apology.
- [clears throat]
- Okay, fine.
Yeah, I'm sorry too.
And we can't let something
so trivial break us up again.
It has to be
for something big, like--
like me stealing your identity
or something.
- [gasps] Nate, are you
thinking what I'm thinking?
both:
Slingshot!
♪
[both sigh]
[all scream]
- Okay, everybody.
Get through!
[metal groaning]
[all screaming]
- Chad, you're the principal!
Everybody is depending on you!
- Being a principal means
people depend on you.
Here, use my student body
student bodies.
- Oh, saving yourself first?
Typical.
- I was just grabbing hold
of it, you--
- Would you just get over
yourselves and climb?
♪
- Ugh.
- Patricia!
[somber music]
♪
I'll carry on
your legacy, Patricia.
[dramatic music]
♪
- The kids are right.
This is silly.
Friends?
- We will silently carry this
grudge until the day we die.
- It's good to be back.
If I knew I'd get
such a warm welcome,
I'd get put in a
full-body cast more often.
Anyway, I'm proud to announce
our new, agile speed bump.
It's a remote-operated
speed bump
that will rise and lower
depending on each parent's
preference.
And after such
a promising display
of loyalty to his duties,
I've promoted Chad
from kid principal
to agile speed bump operator.
[horn honks]
[car alarms blaring]
- Eh, I guess people
will always
be upset about something.
May as well have fun with it.
Hey, Chad,
let me see that remote.
[tires squeal]
[crash]
- [laughs]
both:
We're men, we're men ♪
We're men living
in the woods ♪
Bet nobody
thought we could ♪
But we're doing it ♪
Best friends, best friends ♪
Best friends
taking on the world ♪
Our dreams will all unfurl ♪
'Cause we're doing it ♪
Yeah, we're doing it ♪
- We'll forage around
collecting wood ♪
- Do you think
these berries taste good? ♪
- All that matters
is sticking together ♪
- When your families
have gone mad ♪
- We'll drink the water
from the river ♪
- Come on, Francis! Stay with
me!
- [yelling]
- Whoa! Huh?
[dramatic music]
- It's too far, Nate.
We can't make it!
- You know what we have to do.
- [gasps] You mean--
both:
Slingshot!
Whoa!
Whoo!
- Huh.
[toilet flushes]
- Nate, look!
It's the door to the
Temple of Azrahan.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- I've had it
with these people!
- [grunts]
[both gasp]
- Sorry, Francis,
but you gotta go.
- Get away from that boy.
- We obviously need
to re-evaluate
our "friend of Francis"
screening process.
- Wait!
- [gasping]
[grunts]
- Francis! No!
- Nate!
- What is happening?
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- Dad! What was that all about?
- Son, the Popes are evil,
a discovery I made
after fighting with them
on social media,
where lots of people
liked and agreed with me.
- Dad, the Popes
are good people.
- Would good people wanna
rebuild P.S. 38 speed bump,
the one that
finally decomposed?
- I mean,
what are we doing here?
A school without a speed bump!
- Anybody who is
anti-school speed bump
clearly hates children.
- Okay, that seems
a bit dramatic.
[roaring]
- So the Popes
want a speed bump.
Who cares?
- Tell that to Cousin Amos.
He was just minding
his own business,
walking through a restricted
construction site.
Then he tripped, and
- [yelping]
- He was sealed
inside a speed bump.
- What does that
have to do with me
hanging out with Francis?
- Those Popes
could brainwash you
with their speed bumping ways.
- Martin Wright is a maniac
with terrible judgment.
- And that Nate will
grow up to be worse.
all: No more hanging out
with that boy!
[both gasp]
[school bell rings]
- [groans] Our parents
are being ridiculous.
Banning me and Francis
from hanging out?
[laughing] I mean,
they can't enforce that.
- Yeah, I mean, it's not like
they can follow you
around school.
- Ha!
[feedback squeals]
- Good morning, children.
I'm delighted to
announce that P.S. 38's
student principal of the week
is Chad Applewhite.
This week, he'll learn
the ins and outs of the job,
starting with the
announcements.
Batter up, Chad.
- The word of the week
is bumfuzzle,
meaning to confuse
or to fluster.
As used in a sentence,
when I woke up in a tank
full of rabid jellyfish,
I was bumfuzzled.
- Francis, Nate.
Direct orders from the top
to split you buddy-boos up.
[all gasp]
- Mrs. Godfrey, I--
- Back of the room, Nate, now!
[laughing maniacally]
[somber music]
♪
- This stupid speed bump issue
is way worse than I thought.
- Now, Chad, my boy,
being a principal
is a lot of responsibility.
Everybody's depending on you.
With that burden comes respect.
- Oh, I've never
had respect before.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Nichols, Is this
speed bump going in or not?
- [laughs nervously]
- [yelps]
- Get out here.
I know you heard me.
- First lesson, Chad.
Avoid conflict at all costs.
Second lesson,
always have an escape plan.
- [yells]
- [laughs]
- Oh.
[shady music]
- Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
Jaguar calling Lobster.
My dad is out of earshot.
Are you clear?
- All clear, Jaguar.
- Ugh. I wish you were here.
I have this monster zit
on my back,
and I want you to log it
in our book of bacne.
- Yeah, that's right.
I'm back!
- Hey, where's Francis?
- You know, zits are
the speed bumps of the body.
Goodbye, Nate.
- Hey!
[yells, grunts]
- [yelling]
All right, I gotta talk
to Principal Nichols.
[birds cawing]
- We need that speed bump.
- You all should be worried
about the shifting
tectonic plates
beneath the school.
- Principal Nichols,
it's time to settle
this debate once and for--yah!
Chad? What are you doing here?
- I'm avoiding conflict.
- Chad, we've gotta find
Nichols
and solve this
speed bump brawl,
or I'll never see
Francis again.
- Well, I promised to keep his
hiding space a secret, but--
well, Gram Applewhite says,
"If you don't
"write your promises
in yak blood,
then they aren't
legally binding."
[laughs]
Okay, Nate. Follow me.
[both yell, grunt]
- [eating noisily]
[screams]
- Whoa, sweet setup.
[grunts]
- Keep your voice down.
[door creaks open, slams shut]
[water trickling]
- Shake once, shake twice,
and flush, and zip.
- [grunting]
- Oh, sugarplum,
better get in here.
- [screams]
No, please!
- There he is.
- Wait, Principal Nichols!
Principal Nichols! Please!
[yells]
- [stammering]
[yelps]
[screams]
- Nichols, we need an answer!
- Justice for Cousin Amos!
- Now, now,
everybody stay calm.
[dramatic music]
Oh!
[siren wailing]
- Promise me, my boy.
[clears throat]
Promise you'll take care
of our school.
- I won't let you down, Dad!
- I'm not your father.
You know what? Never mind.
Make me proud.
- Okay, Dad.
[thud]
- Ah!
[tires squeal]
[loud crash]
- This is your fault!
- Shame on you!
- Our friendship
is doomed, isn't it?
- No way! I have a plan.
Meet me at the woods' edge
at noon tomorrow.
- Simmer down, pustules.
[children laughing, talking]
[air horn blares]
- [yelps]
- Now, I'm sure you've all
heard the rumors
of Principal Nichols
going on medical leave.
It's true.
He'll be out for a week.
Therefore, our own student
principal, Chad Applewhite,
will take the helm
until further notice.
- Huh?
[all cheering]
- Um, Mrs. Godfrey,
wouldn't it be
a better idea
for an adult to do it,
like--oh, I don't know--you?
- Chad, you have all the
charisma of a stick of butter,
and people like butter.
Besides,
none of the teachers wanted
more responsibility
for less pay.
Nice try, Bundt cake.
- Amazing. Chad's in charge.
- I can already taste the lack
of adult supervision.
[all cheering]
[both panting]
[both laughing]
- Oh, we're free, Francis!
We're free!
Some dumb speed bump
can't ruin our friendship.
- Yeah, who needs parents?
[laughs]
So what do we do now?
- Whatever we want.
[upbeat music]
both:
We're men, we're men ♪
We're men living
in the woods ♪
Bet nobody thought we could ♪
But we're doing it ♪
[yelp]
Best friends, best friends ♪
Best friends
taking on the world ♪
Our dreams will all unfurl ♪
'Cause we're doing it ♪
Yeah, we're doing it ♪
- We'll forage around,
collecting wood ♪
- Do you think
these berries taste good? ♪
- All that matters
is sticking together ♪
- When your families
have gone mad ♪
- We'll drink the water
from the river ♪
- Oh, I've got pain--
is that my liver?
- I just realized
we should boil the water ♪
- This gunky texture
churns my guts ♪
- [grunts]
[toilet flushes]
- We can't chop wood
without an ax ♪
- Were those
berries poison? ♪
- Dude, relax ♪
- Nate, I'm serious ♪
My mouth feels
fuzzy and hot ♪
Also, what's that rash
on your back? ♪
- Now we're really
freaking out ♪
- What was that?
I heard a howl!
- Where do we sleep while
getting pelted with rain? ♪
- It burns my skin.
I don't wanna do this anymore!
both: We're men, we're men ♪
[chainsaw rumbling]
We're men living
in the woods ♪
We really thought
it'd be good ♪
But we're doing it ♪
Yeah, we're doing it ♪
[sobbing]
- I wanna go home!
- It's so wet out here.
- We may have made
a huge mistake.
- We did. We definitely did.
Look!
[both scream]
- Howdy, boys.
No need to fear me.
[laughs]
Unless you fear the truth.
[bird calling]
- The truth?
- They call me Harsh Carl
for my blunt way of speaking.
What others call rude,
I call freedom.
[eagle screeches]
- Whoa, whoa, wait.
So you live off the grid too?
- Sí, amigo.
I was drummed out of the
Rackleff scientific community.
Those fools refused
to believe the results
of my nutrition research.
- I like science and nutrition.
What did you discover?
- That everyone should eat
an all-starch diet, obviously.
I mean, I survive
exclusively on potatoes.
Here, have a French fry.
And here, use this
starch oil on your rash.
- [yells]
It burns! It burns!
- Which means it's working.
So what brings you
to these parts, huh?
- Our parents got
in a stupid fight
and wouldn't let us hang out
anymore, so we ran away.
- Smart.
You should always burn your
bridges over any disagreement.
It's called boundaries.
- At first, we thought that--
- I'm already bored
with your story.
- Well, I'm inspired by yours.
Uh, maybe we could
live out here with you
and build our own society.
Think of it--
we can make our own utopia,
free of anger and conflict,
and full of potatoes.
- Huzzah, I've made friends!
Finally.
both:
Huzzah!
- [vocalizing]
[yelps]
- Oh, Chad!
We just love what you've done
with the place.
- Oh, well, thanks.
The chair is finally
molding to my buttprint.
[horse whinnies]
- Huh?
[both laughing]
- You, sir, are a riot.
- Oh, we wanted to share some
plans for a new giraffe farm
to put in place of the football
field, which we will finance--
should the new speed bump
go in, of course.
- Um
[suspenseful music]
Okay.
- Did you hear that, honey?
both:
Okay!
- I just gotta say how
proud I am to see you
taking on this principal role.
You've come a long way
since those sleepovers
with Nate back in the day.
- Sorry again for destroying
your bathroom that one time.
- Water under the bridge.
And also in the walls
and subflooring.
Anyhoo,
speaking of speed bumps,
I know you'll do the right
thing and get rid of it.
- Okay.
- Okay? Okay.
Well, thattaboy, Chad.
- Wow.
Everyone is so happy
when I say okay.
Maybe if I just let everyone
do what they want,
it will all work out.
[all yelling]
- [laughs, grunts]
- [laughing]
[explosion]
- Approve our simultaneous
vacation time.
[upbeat music]
[all laughing]
[airplane engine roars]
- We have to do something!
- Okay.
[all yelling]
[dog barking]
- [yelling]
- Here you go, buddy.
Buen trabajo.
- I'm so excited to do
a musical with costumes
brought straight from Broadway.
You da best, Chad.
- I'm that kid who
ripped the water fountain
out of the wall for no reason.
Heh. Thanks, Chad.
- Chad Applewhite, thank you
for promising to remove
that awful speed bump.
It really puts a delay
in my commute.
- It's no problemo.
That speed bump is
deader than a dinosaur.
- That's interesting
because you promised us
it would be rebuilt.
- And by dinosaur,
I meant like a crocodile
that is still very much alive,
but still prehistoric.
- So which is it, Chad?
- Oh!
Who's Chad?
[yelps]
[yelps]
- Whoa, look at that.
[laughs]
- So cool.
- It's our own
Temple of Azrahan.
- All right!
- Ahh. This is the life.
- Why didn't we do this sooner?
- Hey, tell me something.
What was that big fight
about, anyway?
You know, the one in Rackleff,
with those wacko
potato deniers.
- Oh, yeah.
Francis's parents
were in a blind rage
about rebuilding the school's
only speed bump.
I mean,
that's pretty stupid, right?
- Blind rage?
They were worried about
keeping kids safe.
Have you seen the way
your dad drives?
- Okay, you know what?
That was one fire hydrant,
and it came out of nowhere.
- Well, if there had been
a speed bump,
then maybe that fire hydrant
would still be with us.
- Are you serious right now?
Did I not tell you
about my Uncle Amos
or cousin or something?
- Yeah, your cousin Amos
sounds like an imbecile.
If your dad would
just admit he's wrong,
then we wouldn't even
be in this predicament.
- Except that he's right!
- Boys, take some sage advice
from old Harsh Carl.
The best solution
is just to burn your bridges
and walk away.
That's what I do,
so my truth is never wrong.
It's why I sleep like a baby--
that and my all-starch diet,
which may explain my chest
pains and chronic fatigue.
[snoring]
Starch.
- You know what?
Harsh Carl is right.
You won't listen to the truth,
so why should I try?
I'm going home.
- I'm going home,
too, without you.
both:
Hmph!
[tense music]
Okay, I have to head back
the same way,
but I will do so
at a much faster pace.
all:
Speed bump or bust!
Speed bump or bust!
all:
Justice for Cousin Amos!
- We're focused on
the wrong thing!
all:
Can it, Janet!
- [yelling]
[loud crash]
[monkeys chattering]
- [whimpering]
What would
Principal Nichols do?
Oh!
[intriguing music]
[gasps]
[chuckles]
Oh, Mrs. Shipulski,
please ask the parents
and students to come see me.
I will take their requests
one at a time.
[dramatic musical sting]
- Hey, Dad!
both:
Dad, you were right.
I should have listened to you.
- Dad?
- Uh, hello?
[tense music]
both:
Where is everybody?
- Chad, speed bumps
entombed my cousin
and nearly killed
our principal.
Who's next, the president
of the United States?
- [chuckles]
Couldn't agree more.
- [screams]
[loud crash]
Next.
- What are you guys
gonna ask for?
- A tour bus to take my
one-woman show,
"Dee Dee: Double the Danger,"
on the road.
- Are you guys noticing that
people go into Chad's office
but never come out?
[electronic chirp]
- [screams]
[all gasp]
- I'm okay!
- Go. Go!
- [yells]
- Chad, what are you doing?
- Avoiding conflict.
I'm the principal.
- You can't just send people
down some random trap door.
- Yes, I can. Look.
[electronic chirp]
- [yelps]
- What?
[electronic chirp]
Oh, boy.
[all yelling]
- Hey, kids. Come over here.
This is our side of the cellar.
- Your side is clearly bigger.
- Because more people
agree with me.
- This is not
going to end well.
[rumbling, cracking]
- It's happening!
I told you to pay attention
to the tectonic plates.
Doomsday is upon us!
all:
Can it, Jan--
[screaming]
[suspenseful music]
- Huh? Ugh.
- Ugh.
both:
What are you doing here? Hmph!
- Look, I don't know
where my parents are,
and this is starting
to feel like
that "Time Disruptors" comic
where the whole town
gets abducted.
- Stop trying
to make me like you
with your super-specific
comic book references.
But yeah, my dad's missing too.
- As much as I hate it,
we should stick together--
uh, for safety.
- [splutters]
I mean, obviously.
But that does not mean
we're friends.
- How long were we gone for?
[monkey screeches]
- Hello, children!
Friendly reminder
that our pep rally begins
in the auditorium at 3:30.
Don't miss out
on your free yogurt pop.
- I have so many questions.
- Good afternoon,
my dutiful students.
Who's excited
for our pep rally?
- Woo!
- It should surprise no one
that Patricia
is our student of the month.
- Okay, I've seen enough.
Hey, Chad. Where is everybody?
- Sometimes the principal
has to make hard choices
to avoid having
to make hard choices.
[rumbling, cracking]
[both screaming]
[both grunt]
- This can't be
how my life ends!
Chad, what have you done? Gah!
[dramatic music]
- Nate, the floor is lava!
- Okay, yeah.
Thanks, Captain Obvious.
- No, the floor is lava!
[clock ticking]
[bell dings]
- [gasps]
- Francis,
you beautiful genius!
God, stop being so
irresistibly likable.
You ready?
- Always.
Well, I--not always,
but in this case, yes.
- Nate, over here!
Quick, grab my hand!
- Get away from my boy!
Francis, come to Papa!
- You get away from my boy!
[both grunting]
- Oh, no! Nate!
- Great--our parents
couldn't stop fighting,
and now we're gonna die.
Nate, I wanna apologize
for what I said in the woods.
I cared more about being right
than about our friendship,
and I'm sorry.
- That's--that's very big
of you, Francis.
I accept your apology.
- [clears throat]
- Okay, fine.
Yeah, I'm sorry too.
And we can't let something
so trivial break us up again.
It has to be
for something big, like--
like me stealing your identity
or something.
- [gasps] Nate, are you
thinking what I'm thinking?
both:
Slingshot!
♪
[both sigh]
[all scream]
- Okay, everybody.
Get through!
[metal groaning]
[all screaming]
- Chad, you're the principal!
Everybody is depending on you!
- Being a principal means
people depend on you.
Here, use my student body
student bodies.
- Oh, saving yourself first?
Typical.
- I was just grabbing hold
of it, you--
- Would you just get over
yourselves and climb?
♪
- Ugh.
- Patricia!
[somber music]
♪
I'll carry on
your legacy, Patricia.
[dramatic music]
♪
- The kids are right.
This is silly.
Friends?
- We will silently carry this
grudge until the day we die.
- It's good to be back.
If I knew I'd get
such a warm welcome,
I'd get put in a
full-body cast more often.
Anyway, I'm proud to announce
our new, agile speed bump.
It's a remote-operated
speed bump
that will rise and lower
depending on each parent's
preference.
And after such
a promising display
of loyalty to his duties,
I've promoted Chad
from kid principal
to agile speed bump operator.
[horn honks]
[car alarms blaring]
- Eh, I guess people
will always
be upset about something.
May as well have fun with it.
Hey, Chad,
let me see that remote.
[tires squeal]
[crash]
- [laughs]
both:
We're men, we're men ♪
We're men living
in the woods ♪
Bet nobody
thought we could ♪
But we're doing it ♪
Best friends, best friends ♪
Best friends
taking on the world ♪
Our dreams will all unfurl ♪
'Cause we're doing it ♪
Yeah, we're doing it ♪
- We'll forage around
collecting wood ♪
- Do you think
these berries taste good? ♪
- All that matters
is sticking together ♪
- When your families
have gone mad ♪
- We'll drink the water
from the river ♪