Farscape s02e15 Episode Script

Crichton: Are you with me there, Mama Bear? D.
K.
: Oh, yeah, Farscape.
I'm reading you loud and clear.
Crichton: Authorizing flight computer to initiate acceleration sequencing now.
Roger, Farscape.
You are go for insertion procedure.
Farscape One, hold a moment.
Hold? Canaveral, what?! Meteorology reports some kind of electromagnetic wave.
Repeat, some kind of wave.
John, do you read me? (garbled reply) Son, you have to abort! Abort, now! Jack: I only know what the doctor told me.
What the hell? I think he's going to come out of it on his own.
All right.
I'll call you if there are any changes.
Good-bye.
(sighs) John? That's my name.
Don't wear it out.
Nurse, call a doctor.
Hey, how you feeling? Ah, hot.
Dizzy.
Kind of feel like I've been hit by a house.
You're going to be okay, son.
You gave us all quite a scare.
I told 'em you were a survivor.
Yeah, I am that.
It's good to have you back, son.
What are you doing?! Son! -I'm not your son! Get him off of me! You're a fake! Get your hands off me! Get your hands off of me! (gasps loudly) Let go! Don't touch me! Aeryn! Aeryn! Right, we'll need full restraints.
And can you get me a clean I.
V.
, please? Jeez, get 'em off! Get 'em off me! Get the It's not real.
It's not real.
My name is John Crichton, an astronaut.
A radiation wave hit and I got shot through a wormhole.
Now I'm lost in some distant part of the universe on a ship, a living ship, full of strange alien life-forms.
Help me.
Listen, please.
Is there anybody out there who can hear me? I'm being hunted by an insane military commander.
I'm doing everything I can.
I'm just looking for a way home.
Aeryn, honey, could you get me out of these straps? What happened? The last thing I remember, I was on a Commerce Planet.
Mr.
Crichton, my name is Dr.
Bettina Fairchild, not Aeryn.
Bettina Cool name.
Still disoriented? You have no brain damage, as far as we can tell.
You do have a fever.
Probably a low-grade infection, but some antibiotics should clear that up.
Might clear your head as well.
(whispering): Hey, are they listening to us? Is that why you can't talk? Violent and now paranoid.
Perhaps another CAT scan would be indicated.
Sorry.
I, uh, fuzzed out there for a minute.
What day is it today? Today's Monday.
Monday.
-It's been a week since you crashed.
I crashed? I don't remember crashing.
But I did have this, this terrible nightmare.
I was on a ship full of aliens.
Is that why you went after your father and bruised two of his ribs? Yeah.
He looked like he was human, but he had alien goo on the inside that was pretty freaky, huh? But now you know better.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm all clear.
Look, I'm not going to hurt anybody.
You can let me out of these straps.
You called me Aeryn.
Old girlfriend.
You look a lot like her.
Except you have prettier hair.
Mmm.
Is my Dad around? Out in the lounge, I think.
I'd like to say I'm sorry.
Probably best you do that yourself.
Thank you.
Do you good to move the muscles.
Thank you, Mr.
Crichton.
Announcement: Will the owner of a green van parked outside admissions please move it immediately? You will be towed.
(whistles) Won't get fooled again.
Hey, you mind? Sorry.
I thought it was co-ed.
Co-ed? What planet are you from? Not this one.
Hey, yo, yo, dude, are you done with that paper? Yeah, sure.
Here you go.
Thank you.
-No problem.
"Gator victim number six.
" Last week it was five.
They're getting the details right.
Hey.
Hey, how you doing? Well, I'm better.
I'm much, much better.
Look, I am sorry about earlier.
You don't need to apologize, son.
You've been through a lot.
I lost it myself when your mother died.
Mom -Papa Bear! Whoa, ho, D.
K.
! Hey, hey, hey, you made it this time.
Glad you're up and about, man.
Sick of getting reamed on my own.
Oh, getting reamed, are we? IASA's got a blown mission.
They're tossing around words like "pilot error".
There was no pilot error.
It was Meteorology's screw up.
They didn't give enough warning about that electromagnetic wave.
He was told to abort a dozen times.
He did abort.
Yeah, not soon enough.
He blacked out.
And he still managed to land the module.
He trashed the sucker.
The Farscape project's circling the drain.
Okay, what do you want me to do? Pull it together.
First thing you need's a clean bill of health.
Dr.
Fairchild says you're okay physically.
She's not going to kick you loose without a full psych report.
Doc Betty said that? That's right.
You gotta get shrunk.
She wants you to see a Dr.
Kaminsky.
Crichton: "Dr.
Jean Kaminsky.
" (sighs) Man, hot in here.
Hello.
Yeah, hey, I'd like to order a pizza.
Um, medium.
Deluxe.
Man, these guys are good.
Thank you, Charles.
(phone beeps) Sorry to keep you.
Zhaan.
Zan? Adjective or name? It's a name.
Then I'm afraid you're mistaken.
I'm Dr.
Kaminsky.
Uh-huh.
And you are a psychiatrist? Mm-hmm.
I don't think so.
On Earth, psychiatrists don't come in blue.
Do you have a problem with people of color? I have a contextual problem.
You're an alien.
Yes, that's true, but I do have a green card.
Interesting.
Are you or are you not blue? Would it matter to you if I was? Do you always answer a question with a question? Does that bother you? Stop it.
Facts.
You're a Delvian.
A plant.
Tenth level Pa'u.
We shared Unity once.
"Shared unity.
" Interesting euphemism.
No, Mr.
Crichton, you and I have never had sex.
I'm sure I'd remember if we had.
Put your hands on my face.
Humor me.
Just here.
Damn.
What were you expecting? Expecting? Nothing.
Hoping for an ally.
You feel you don't have any allies? Not in this joint, no.
My enemies haven't revealed themselves yet.
And who are they? The Ancients? Nah, they picked my brain already.
Maldis? Uh-uh, not his style.
Not gothic enough.
Delvians.
Mmm.
Yeah, Occam's razor.
Tahleen and her wacky bunch.
Come out, come out, wherever you are, and see the young man who fell from the star! Kim, cancel my 3:00 appointment.
In fact, cancel the rest of my day.
Hey, what'd you tell her? Oh, trauma, stress, crash.
You know, made me imagine things.
Everything she wanted to hear but hey, I'm all better now.
So you got a clean psych report.
Great.
(screeching) Yeah, go figure that.
She let me loose.
I would have locked me up in a padded cell.
(driver yells) Ooh, ladies.
(chuckles) You know that guy? Gary Ragel.
Newest hotshot to come out of IASA astronaut training.
Watch your back.
He's got ambition.
Gary Ragel has tentacles.
-Yeah.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, it's a straight boy! What? He looks normal to you? It's a lifestyle choice.
Anyways, his looks are the least of his problems.
He's a jerk.
Hey, D.
K.
, how you doin', huh? Ooh! Missed it there.
How you goin'? You almost ran us down, Ragle.
Yeah, not even close, my friend.
How you doin'? My name's Gary Ragle.
I know you.
You are John Crichton.
I've heard you're one hell of a flyer.
Let's go get a beer.
We don't have time for a beer.
Oooh, no time for beer! Beer? Keys.
(clicks tongue) My friend, one thing you have to learn.
There is always time for beer.
I got a theory, though.
You wanna hear it? (laughs) Yo.
(imitates gunshot) This is an experiment.
Somebody's messing with my mind.
Trying to see which way I'll move next.
Sort of like a rat in a maze kind of thing, huh? That's right.
I am some alien's personal science project.
I so know how you feel.
You know, life's a bitch.
Let's get another drink.
Hey! I got a plan, though.
'Cause they're testing for reactions to the freak show? Uh-huh.
I'm not going to react.
Let 'em deal with that.
(laughs) Yeah! Voice: Yeah! (Playing quiet jazz) Yow! Hey, buy a girl a drink? Oh, my God! The off-duty doctor! Join us! Gary Ragel meet Dr.
Bettina Fairchild.
Ooh.
Hi.
-Hi.
(chuckles) Excuse me, you two know each other? No.
-Never met.
How about another, yeah? What? Another drink! More drink! Come on, huh?! Three more drinks! You know.
Yeah, I got it.
Pitcher of beer? -Sure, buddy.
Dig your style, Ringo.
John, we haven't got much time.
Twins.
Pity your mother.
Now you listen to me.
He he's not real.
Oh, right.
You are.
So, what's your name? Who do you play in this fun house? You know my name.
Scorpius.
Scorpy.
You don't fit the pattern.
You got no Halloween costume, got no assumed name.
You're not playing a role.
That suggests something to me.
That suggests that you are the man behind the party! In fact, I'm the only one that can help you.
So, what are you looking for this time? You looking for wormholes again, huh?! In fact, I have to leave now, John.
Nah, you aren't going anywhere! (gasping) Okay, let's talk.
You're no Zhaan, you're not a psychiatrist, but you're as close as we'll get to either one.
I'm flattered somewhat.
Look, somebody is gaslighting me.
It's probably Scorpius.
It's got gotta be Scorpius.
Been having hot flashes of the bastard ever since he stuck me in the Aurora Chair.
What am I supposed to think? Uh, what is this? Uh I never left Earth? Uh-uh, the whole Moya thing is-is an illusion? It's-it's a dream? What does that get him? The thing is, he didn't start out too badly.
You know? Th-they didn't make the mistakes that the last guys made.
Even Aeryn.
Even Aeryn, I could have bought.
Probably not, but I-I-I could have bought it.
Aeryn.
You may have caught a glimpse of Dr.
Fairchild.
She treated you after your crash.
Yeah, and my feverish imagination turns her into a Peacekeeper chick.
So, what's the game? I wish I could help you, Mr.
Crichton.
It's strange.
I miss Moya.
A ship full of aliens becomes so normal.
There is, of course, another interpretation for your confusion.
Yeah.
I'm still on Moya.
I'm gibbering.
I'm drooling, and everybody's wondering what finally made me snap.
That is one possibility.
Maybe.
Son? Got some news.
Oh yeah, what is it? lASA has brought in a new project administrator.
A Douglas Logan.
You can't afford to piss this guy off, John.
He's a tough bastard.
So what? Listen, tough guy or not, right now, your future's in his hands.
Thin face, pale skin, bad set of choppers, likes leather? I've only talked to him on the phone.
I don't know.
Nasty piece of work, though.
Nasty? Excellent.
Let's talk to him.
Crichton: Come on! Whoa.
Nice digs, man.
(whirring) Hey! Come in.
You're late.
Guido! You're here! Ho, hey, fellas meet the new boss.
Not the same as the old boss.
Mr.
Logan, please excuse my son.
He's Shut up! So, you're the reckless son of a bitch who refused to abort, fainted and wrecked a multizillion-dollar module.
That's me.
Ah astronauts.
Cockier than God, all of them.
Give me one reason I shouldn't fire your ass and shut down the whole Farscape project.
D.
K.
: Sir, the project could bring great benefits to this organization.
John's experiment will pave the way for deep space exploration, sir.
Cork it already! Crichton: D.
Logan! Quit with the cards.
Now, listen up.
IASA can't afford another failure.
We get your sorry project right on the second attempt.
Quit it with the cards! People will forget about the first.
Second attempt? Yes.
The one I just authorized.
Now, either you can fly it, or Gary Ragel can.
I hate to reward failure but it's better P.
R.
if you fly it.
Public loves "come from behind" wins.
John, the module could be ready within two weeks.
You can do it again, son.
Prove your theory is correct.
(chuckles) So, that's the play? Ha.
The play.
The play, the play is the thing.
I reenact my initial mission.
I show you how I create the giant blue twister that sucks me down to Oz.
(screeching) Forget about it.
Don't know how I did it.
Crichton Hey, Scorp! Are you out of your mind?! You think if I knew how I did it, I would help you?! Get lost! Who the hell are you talking to? Oh, um not you.
You're not real.
-What?! Mr.
D.
Logan.
Wh where are you going? What the hell was that about? Are you trying to sink the Farscape project? D.
K.
: The guy gives us a second chance and you throw it back in his face.
Hi girls.
The guy?! The guy, the guy, t-the guy's a two-foot green slug on-on a golf cart! What does a man's disability have to do with anything? Rygel: Crichton? Crichton! Son, apologize to him, please.
Crichton, I wasn't finished with you.
Oh honey, I'm sorry.
Let's kiss and make up.
Oh! Are you deranged?! Well, yes, of course I am.
Let me show you how I crash-landed -How dare you! the Farscape module.
-I'll have your hide! There's an elipso-magnetic flow! So we had to abort! Abort now! Go! -Hey! Hey! No, Crichton! Go! -Help! Oh, no! Crichton! (screaming) (loud thud) (sighs) (sighs) What? It ain't real.
They made you up out of my memories.
It's just annoying that you're acting exactly the way I thought you would.
You look at you, look at you.
You're crapping yourself because you think you're going to lose your job and Dad, you're just pissed off 'cause I ain't playing the game your way.
It is annoying.
Go away.
Go home, home, go home.
Shoo.
(contemporary jazz playing) Hey, hey.
Woman: Hey.
Hey.
Hi! ¿Como esta, hombre? John, I want you to meet a good friend of mine.
This is Jessica.
Crichton: Oh my God.
Everybody's finally here.
You're an astronaut, too? Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, I like astronauts.
You're an astronaut groupie? Yeah.
That so works for me.
You want to go for a drive? No, John.
We must speak.
Does anybody see the freak in the next booth? D'Argo: Uh nope.
No.
-No.
Then, let's go for a drive.
D'Argo: Yeah! (laughing and yelling) We're on fire! Yeah! Come on, John.
You're driving like a chicken! Aye, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi! I got a new theory on life.
You wanna hear it? Oh yeah, man.
Lay it on me.
Lay it on me.
Life sucks, nothing matters, screw it all, let's party! I am so there! -Me, too! Enjoy it while it lasts, Johnny boy.
You betcha, especially when nothing's real.
(hooting and laughing) This is no time to be having fun, John.
Get lost.
(growls) You've got to focus.
Fight this delusion.
What, like I believe anything that you'd say? Get over it.
John John, listen to me.
It's time to bail, Scorpy.
(yelling) (screaming, glass shattering) Good morning.
The truck won, I'm afraid.
And how are our friends? Gary and Jessica? Mm, yeah.
They're fine.
Hey.
-Hmm? As a doctor, don't you think a crash like that would have killed us? Well, we were very, very lucky.
Oh, yeah.
Now.
Hmm? You have a visitor.
Ooh.
Who? Dad? D.
K.
? Someone new.
A Sheyang? Captain Bialar Crais? Bring him on.
Thank God you're okay.
I came as soon as I could.
Don't.
This is a pretty good trick, considering you're dead, Mom.
I had to come.
Oh, sweetheart.
Uh You're not real.
You're sweating.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
There.
(whispering): I'll make everything all right.
There, my Johnny.
There, there there.
That's it, yes.
You've changed.
People change to survive.
But did you have to lose so much? You were so innocent.
So full of wonder.
It's all gone.
You've become callous.
You've killed.
You can't know that.
It's true, isn't it? That's what bothers you.
That's why you can't sleep nights.
I sleep fine.
Where are you going? Away from something that isn't my mother.
Are you going to leave without saying good-bye? All right, let's do this.
Let's talk.
What about? About what's going on.
Well, I'm on my break, my man.
Why don't you give me a break, my man.
Well, that's all I've got for you, man.
I don't know you and I don't care for your problems.
Great.
You're not the guy.
You're not the guy I need to talk to.
Hey, Col.
Col Get this man a drink.
Coming up.
John? Help me.
You're not real.
I need you.
I'm afraid.
You're you're not real.
They pulled you out of my mind.
You died five years ago! John I'm scared.
I just want out of this.
Stay with me this time.
Be with me when I go.
No, please Please, ple Please.
No, no.
Oh, god.
This is cruel.
This is cruel.
Please don't.
I need you with me.
Please don't.
Don't do this to me! (screaming): Don't do this to me! (sobbing) You got a problem, pal? Oh, well.
If it isn't the good Captain.
Would I be patrolling a beat if I'd made captain? Hell, I'm still bucking to transfer to plainclothes.
And give up the uniform.
Bad choice.
Say, you're that John Crichton guy, aren't you? That astronaut.
I don't know.
A few too many, huh? I don't know who I am anymore.
You better come back to the station with me and sleep it off.
Just leave me alone.
Please, just I'm gonna get you off the streets, mister.
Leave me alone.
Don't! Leave me alone! Leave me! Me! Me! Me! (door opening) Oh my.
Look at this.
Ah, Mr.
Crichton.
Delighted to see you again.
We were just discussing your future.
Oh, I don't have a future.
Not in this reality.
Son, you're in no shape for this.
Clearly feverish.
Zhann: John, be careful.
You're risking a full cognitive dislocation.
Oh, I'm about as cognitively dislocated as it gets, but I am clear on one thing.
Scorpy can, ah, either let me loose or watch me go berserk.
More berserk, I'd say.
You seem obsessed with this Scorpius person.
Can you tell us why? Can't be healthy for you.
Crichton: You're not real.
Or you're in on the plot.
Either way, it doesn't really matter what I do.
I'm disappointed in you.
You're holding us up, John.
Can we please get on with our meeting now? Is anyone else hungry? I'm starving.
Shall we send out for some lunch? Oh, anything but Thai food.
Pizza? No, I'm sick of pizza.
How about deli? Corned beef on white for me.
Stop! Have you any idea how much trouble you're in? Yeah.
Do you? I like your style, hombre.
But this is no laughing matter.
Assault on a police officer.
Theft of police property.
Illegal possession of a firearm.
Five counts of attempted murder.
That comes to $29.
40.
Cash, check or credit card? (metal clanking) Toto.
This thing is going completely off the rails.
Or maybe I have.
Not yet, you haven't.
But there's a danger you will.
(mocking laugh) You're here.
Did you bring the keys? It's not me that's doing this, John.
It's a Scarran.
He captured you on the Commerce Planet.
I don't know any Scarrans.
What would a Scarran want with me? Well, now that the Scarrans know I'm after you, they want to know why.
This is their standard method of interrogation.
Induced delusions to break down all mental defenses.
The Scarrans aren't trying to fool you, John.
They're trying to break you.
This is a deliberate attempt to drive you into insanity and it's working.
Your mind is about to crack, and I cannot allow that.
I was here first.
No, you weren't.
True.
The Ancients were here first, implanting the wormhole knowledge I seek.
But when my Aurora Chair failed to unlock that information, I had to implement a second strategy.
(screaming) You put something in my head.
A very sophisticated neurochip.
It contains well, it contains me.
Or a mental clone of my personality.
That explains the visions I've been having.
Precisely.
I was supposed to have remained hidden, but now and then your subconscious would become aware of me.
That's why I couldn't kill you on the Royal Planet? Of course.
A simple fail-safe.
But my main function is to access the wormhole knowledge you have in your brain, no matter how long that takes.
(high-pitched giggle) You're Harvey.
Or is it Clarence? Guardian Angel? Invisible rabbit? Harvey Harvey.
Does the Scarran know you're here? I only manifest myself when the Scarran's attention is elsewhere, as it is now.
I must disappear when he returns.
Ignore the false Scorpius he's created.
And do not confide in anyone else you may encounter.
How do I know you're telling the truth? You're sweating, John.
You've been unusually hot all this time because because your real body is reflexively responding to heat.
The heat a Scarran produces.
And when your body temperature lessens slightly, the Scarran is elsewhere, preparing another onslaught.
It must not succeed.
How do I stop it? Focus.
Concentrate on what is real.
Your true memories of Earth, of Moya.
Your family, friends.
Even your enemies.
Do not allow yourself to be pushed over the edge.
But remember this.
The Scarran has not disarmed you.
Your weapon is of no consequence to a Scarran.
Their skins are extremely tough.
Pistol fire will not kill a Scarran before he kills you.
So, your best chance is not to shoot but But to what? The temperature's rising.
I must go.
To what? Harvey! But to what?! (snarling) You look like you're ready to have some fun.
We certainly are.
(chuckling) What are you doing? Nothing you won't like.
Nothing you haven't already fantasized about.
Zhaan: Admit it.
You've had sexual thoughts about all of us, haven't you? Not me.
Oh, come on.
You're a male.
It's just the way you are wired.
Nothing to be ashamed of, not when females are willing.
Say, what's your pleasure, boss? I'm a doctor.
Just relax.
I can wear a Freudian slip.
I find new places to take your temperature.
I can teach you left handed Latvian rodeo torture.
Rygel: All of you bitches out now.
Crichton is mine.
(lapping repeatedly) This is for calling me Sparky.
And this is for Fluffy.
And this is for Buckwheat, (snickering) whatever that means.
(distant baby crying) D.
K.
: Oh! Leaving so soon?! I wish I could! Look what you made me do, John! I opened my veins! You've made me lose my job! You dumped me for your new pals! Some friend you are! Some friend you are, man! (screams) Oh, come on, Papa Bear! Look at what depths your son has driven us to.
Don't look at me.
You're the one who wanted a child.
I wanted a terrier.
Oh, you couldn't give me what I really wanted.
Oh, so we get this loser! He can't fetch a ball, he can't get my slippers, he can't even land a damn Module in one piece! -Oh, no! My baby! (screaming) (siren wailing) Freeze! You're under arrest.
You have the rights to the remains of a silent attorney! If you cannot afford one, tough noogies! You can make one phone call! I recommend Trixie, Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you?! Well, do you, punk?! No.
Then I can't arrest you! John I really need to just unburden myself on you.
What? Well, lately, I've been thinking about you in a very different way.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm And I was wondering if you would mind participating with me in a little Luxan bonding ritual.
Here's the thing, okay? What we need are some chains Uh, my Qualta Blade just a little squirt of Iutra oil and Oh! Chiana.
(giggling) Chiana.
Yeah.
She wants to watch.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
Such a fascinating library you have.
Such wonderful, informative books.
"Oedipus Complex"? I'm not sure I grasp that concept.
Could you, um explain it to me, Johnny? No.
Oh, please.
You're such a smart boy.
I really I really want to know.
Ohh (dance music plays) (laughs) Hey, John! Get down and boogie! Boogie-oogie-woogie! Hey, man! Get down! Boogie or die! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! (echoing): I don't boogie! Crichton! Crichton, where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Clear the dance floor! Clear the dance floor! Clear the dance floor! I searched half this world for you.
Where am I? Still on the Commerce Planet, but underground in some sort of holographic chamber.
I destroyed the projector.
Who nabbed me? Scorpius.
Sc I killed him.
Scorpius Was, um he was behind this? "Was" being the operative word.
That's interesting.
Why is it interesting, John? It's just it's just that he, uh Tell me.
Later.
Let's, uh let's get out of here.
No.
Tell me now.
No.
No, you get nothing from me.
Frell you then.
Stay.
(dance music playing) Boogie or die! Hey, yo! Kiss my (two pounding beats) friend you are, man! (single pounding beat) thinking about you (two pounding beats) Then I can't arrest you! (two pounding beats) Be with me when I go.
(single pounding beat) Brain wave patterns are increasingly irregular.
The captive is finally weakening.
Increasing stimuli to calvo nine.
(high-pitched whirring) Calvo ten.
(high-pitched whirring) (guttural growling) (whirring intensifies) Dead? (guttural growling) All neural activity ceased at 635 apneth one.
Captive apparently suffered full synaptic overload at stimulus level calvo ten.
Because no baseline data exists with this species, this reaction could not have been anticipated.
Remains of the captive will be held for (beeping) (beeping quickens and intensifies) (yelling) Well done, John.
What happened? I feel like I died.
I had to stop your brain function for a few microts, to divert the Scarran.
No harm done.
I'll go back into your subconscious mind now.
Don't get too comfortable.
I'm gonna get that chip out of my head.
There's no chip in your head, John.
Yeah, there is.
You told me There's a, um (slurring): men men You were saying? M-mental chip mmm Uh, you were saying? What am I saying? I'm As it should be.
I won't trouble you again.
Until I need to.
There's an exit to your left, which will no doubt take you back to the surface of this Commerce Planet.
I leave you to your shipmates, John.
But rest assured, I'll be with you always, keeping you safe.