Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s02e15 Episode Script

1
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE DUMP HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
OH.
[GROANS]
CAT BURGLAR!
FISH SNATCHER!
THIEF!
GET YOUR GRIMY PAWS
OFF THAT CARP!
OHH!
YOW!
OHH!
Heathcliff: FOOLISH MAN.
TO THINK YOU CAN CATCH
THIS NIMBLE
I'LL GET YOU,
YOU FURRY BABOON!
AIEEE!
HUH?
HUH?
Heathcliff: GUESS WHO.
Man: HELP! GET HIM
OFF MY HEAD!
STOP SCARING MY CUSTOMERS!
OOH!
AAH!
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT,
BECAUSE IT'S YOUR LAST MEAL!
WHOA!
HA HA HA HA!
OHH!
TIME FOR THIS CAT TO
AAH!
WHERE AM I?
WHOAM I?
AAH!
HMM.
I WONDER IF THOSE GUYS
COULD HELP A CA
IN DISTRESS.
HI, GUYS!
HELLO, DUDE.
TWO CARP WILL GE
YOU IN THE GAME.
[BELCH]
YEAH. I'M
STILL HUNGRY.
I WANT TO WIN
MY DESSERT.
I CAN'
REMEMBER HOW
TO PLAY.
I CAN'T REMEMBER
ANYTHING.
All: ANYTHING?
[TALKING SOFTLY]
A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.
NO. TO THE RIGHT.
GET MORE HOT WATER,
AND MOVE IT!
NOW IT'S TOO HOT.
BOY, IT'S HARD
TO GET GOOD HELP.
MY CLAWS ARE READY
FOR A MANICURE.
YOU DIDN'T MASSAGE
MY TOES YET!
WHERE'S
THE CREAM RINSE?
[PANTING]
ARE YOU GUYS SURE
I'M YOUR BUTLER?
WE'RE SURE.
HEY! I MAY HAVE
LOST MY MEMORY,
BUT I'M NOT STUPID.
I DON'T BUY IT.
PAWS, DO YOUR STUFF.
WHO DO THOSE SLAVE DRIVERS
THINK THEY ARE,
TREATING ME LIKE A--
DDDOG!
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO GE
IN YOUR WAY.
IT'S MY FAULT.
I SHOULD WATCH
WHERE I'M GOING.
HUH?!
HUH?! YOU OK?
SOMETHING'S
FISHY HERE.
SORRY. I FORGOT TO USE
MOUTHWASH AFTER DINNER.
YOU LOOK LIKE
A NICE POOCH.
MAYBE YOU
CAN HELP ME OUT.
I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.
HUH?!
I'LL HELP YOU.
SURE, I'LL
HELP YOU!
A FEW
SWIFT KICKS
WILL HELP JOG
YOUR MEMORY.
OUCH!
OW!
UGH! OW!
THERE YOU GO.
OHH.
HMM. A SHELTER
FOR THE HOMELESS.
THAT'S ME, ALL RIGHT.
HELLO.
POOR KITTY.
ARE YOU LOST?
WE'LL TAKE
GOOD CARE OF YOU.
JUST RELAX AND PLAY
WITH YOUR TOY.
[SNIFF]
MMM! CATNIP.
THERE'S A FAMILIAR SCENT.
MOO!
HOW ABOUT A PIN
OF WHIPPING CREAM?
HANDS OFF
THE MERCHANDISE,
BUSTER.
THAT'S
FOR BREAKFAST.
THIS CAT'S GOING
OFF THE DEEP END.
HELP!
DON'T YOU LIKE
MY GAME?
BAWK! BAWK!
BAWK! BAWK!
THERE'S
SOMETHING ABOU
THAT WHOLE FIASCO
SEEMS WONDERFULLY
FAMILIAR TO ME.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR YOUR DONATION.
THE MONEY WE MAKE
FROM SELLING THE CLOTHES
WILL BUY
DOG AND CAT FOOD.
WE'RE ALWAYS HAPPY
TO HELP NEEDY ANIMALS
IN ANY WAY WE CAN.
WHAT ABOUT NEEDY
PET OWNERS?
WAIT. YOU FORGO
SOMETHING.
YOUR RECEIPT, SIR.
HMM?!
HUH?
HEATHCLIFF,
IS THAT YOU?
HMM. HE LOOKS
FAMILIAR,
BUT SO DID
THOSE ALLEY CATS.
LET GO!
YOU'RE OUR CAT!
I'M NOT FALLING
FOR THAT! HUH?
IF HE WANTS TO STAY SO BAD,
WE SHOULD LET HIM.
WE'LL DO
NO SUCH THING.
HEATHCLIFF
WILL RECOGNIZE IGGY.
NOW, LET'S GO GET HIM.
I MISS HEATHCLIFF
SO MUCH.
MAYBE POSTING THESE
REWARD NOTICES WILL HELP.
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYONE
STEALING HEATHCLIFF,
AND I CAN'T IMAGINE HEATHCLIFF
RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME.
WE ALWAYS TOOK
GOOD CARE OF HIM.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, IGGY?
POSTING
REWARD SIGNS
FOR HEATHCLIFF.
HE'S LOST.
LOST? YOU MEAN WE'RE
RID OF HIM AT LAST?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY, MUGSY.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE I
IF YOU LOST SPIKE?
WELL, I, UHI, UH
[CRYING]
HEATHCLIFF,
YOU'RE MY BEST PAL.
I HOPE
YOU COME HOME SOON.
I WONDER WHERE THA
LITTLE WEASEL'S HIDING TODAY.
[CRYING]
SONJA, WHY
ARE YOU CRYING?
[SNIFF SNIFF]
HE'S MISSING.
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM
OR HEARD FROM HIM.
I'M SO WORRIED,
SPIKE.
I THINK I CAN
HELP YOU OUT.
LET'S GO FIND IGGY.
HOORAY!
THE THRILL OF VICTORY!
WHOA! THE AGONY
OF DEFEAT!
I'M A BORN WINNER!
HELP!
OH, NO!
YOW!
DON'T YOU KNOW BETTER
THAN TO HITCHHIKE?
HEY! CHECK IT OUT!
All: AHH!
LET'S GO FIND HIM, BOYS!
ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY
KNOWS THEIR JOB.
THIS IS
A DELICATE OPERATION.
EVERYTHING HAS TO GO OFF
WITH SPLIT-SECOND TIMING,
OR HEATHCLIFF WON'T GE
HIS MEMORY BACK.
REMEMBER, YOU
OWE ME MILK SHAKES
FOR A MONTH.
JUST MAKE SURE
SPIKE DOES HIS JOB.
OK, TEAM, LET'S ROLL!
MMM! FRESH AIR.
NO ONE WILL EVER RECOGNIZE ME
OR TERRORIZE ME
IN THIS DISGUISE.
HEY, HEATHCLIFF! WAIT!
WE HAVE TO TALK TO YOU,
OLD BUDDY!
UH-OH!
YOW! OH, NO!
GOT HIM!
GRR!
HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHOA!
WHOA!
OHH!
[PANTING]
[GASP]
I CAN'T ENJOY ANOTHER DAY
WITHOUT MY HEATHCLIFF.
GOOD-BYE, CRUEL WORLD.
NO, SONJA!
MY BELOVED SONJA!
OHH!
WELCOME BACK,
HEATHCLIFF!
HEATHCLIFF,
I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!
Heathcliff: MEOW.
OH, HEATHCLIFF!
ALL RIGHT,
I ADMIT IT.
I MISSED
THE OLD FURBAG.
[PURRING]
SO YOU SEE, HEATHCLIFF,
WE STAGED THE WHOLE THING.
I JUMPED OFF THE ROOF
SO YOU WOULD GE
YOUR MEMORY BACK.
SONJA, YOU'RE A GEM.
BUT WOULD YOU
EXCUSE ME
FOR ONE MINUTE?
I GOT SOMETHING
I GOT TO DO.
HUH?!
NOW, DON'
GO GETTING
ALL MUSHY ON ME,
HEATHCLIFF.
THERE'S NO NEED
FOR THANKS.
I'VE JUST GOT ONE QUESTION
TO ASK, OLD BUDDY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHY MY REAR END
IS SO SORE?
OHH! OOH!
OOH! OW!
[MUNGO HUMMING]
[YAWN]
HEY! MUNGO!
HOW'S BREAKFAST COMING?
UH, I'M SLICING
YOURS RIGHT OFF
THE FLANK, BOSS.
OH. HUH?!
HOLD IT RIGH
THERE, HECTOR.
UHI DON'
HAVE NOTHING.
NOWYOU DON'
HAVE NOTHING.
Wordsworth: HEY, GUYS,
LOOK WHO I'VE GOT.
PUT ANOTHER FISH
INTO THE POT.
ELSIE!
LOOK WHAT THE CA
DRAGGED IN!
YEAH.
OUR FAVORITE
BAG CAT.
BOYS, I DON'T WAN
TO IMPOSE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
COME ON IN AND SHARE
SOME BREAKFAST.
YEAH. WE
ALWAYS GOT ROOM
FOR YOU, ELSIE.
[SLURP SLURP SLURP]
OH!OOH!
LADIES FIRST.
I CAN'T DEPRIVE YOU
OF YOUR LAST SARDINE.
NONSENSE.
THE FISH TRUCK
WILL BE ALONG
MOMENTARILY.
MUNGO, HECTOR!
GO STOP
THE FISH TRUCK.
UH, BOSS,
I HATE
THAT JOB.
ME, TOO.
THANKS, MUNGO.
SEE YOU
AFTER SCHOOL.
HERE IT COMES!
[SLURP SLURP SLURP]
QUICKLY, CHARLES.
I'VE GOT SO MANY
PLANS TO MAKE
FOR THE BIG PARTY.
WORDSWORTH
THIS FAT CA
IS OUR TICKE
INTO HIGH SOCIETY.
NO, RIFFRAFF.
LET THEM GO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"LET THEM GO"?
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
ELSIE?
[SNIFF SNIFF]
Elsie: OH, WE WERE
SO YOUNG THEN--
TOP HAT CAT AND I.
OF COURSE, I WAS FROM
THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS.
[GASP]
FOR A WHILE,
IT WAS ALL CAVIAR AND CREAM.
WE EVEN PLANNED TO ELOPE.
HE WAS GOING TO
GIVE IT ALL UP FOR ME.
[BOTH GASP]
[TOP HAT CAT AND ELSIE
GROANING]
Elsie, voice-over: IT WAS THEN
THAT WE BOTH KNEW--
IT WAS FOOLISH.
AND IT WAS OVER.
[WIND WHISTLING]
AND THE REST IS
BAG CAT HISTORY.
[CRYING]
IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT.
Hector: LET'S GO REARRANGE
HIS WHISKERS!
NO, BOYS.
LEAVE IT BE.
UHBUT WE GO
TO DO SOMETHING.
WE AREGOING TO DO
SOMETHING
JUST AS SOON
AS WORDSWORTH GETS BACK.
FELLAS! I THINK WE'RE
GOING TO EAT HEARTY.
I GOT INVITATIONS
TO THE PARTY.
THAT'S GREAT!
UH"YOUSE
AND YOUR GUESTS
"IS CORDIALLY INVITED
TO A FIRST-CLASS BIRTHDAY PARTY
FOR TOP HAT CAT."
SO WHAT ARE YOU ALL
STANDING AROUND FOR?
WE HAVE WORK TO DO.
OHH!
EEK!
MY BOA!
TRUST ME, ELSIE.
I'LL GIVE YOU
THE LATEST FRONT WAVE.
CONTACT!
OH! OH!
OHH!
[COUGHING]
VOILA!
OH! HAVE YOU THOUGH
OF OPENING A CHAIN,
MONSIEUR RIFFRAFF?
MADAME IS TOO KIND.
1, 2, 3, 4.
WHO IS THE CA
WE ADORE?
1, 2, 3, 4.
IAM THE CA
YOU ADORE.
BY GEORGE, I THINK
SHE'S GOT IT.
Wordsworth:
1, 2, 3, 4.
WHO IS THE CA
WE ADORE?
THIS NECKLACE
IS PURE CLASS.
[HONK HONK]
YOUR COACH AWAITS
WITHOUT, MADAME.
[DING DONG]
YOUR INVITATION, SIR.
Riffraff:
YOU KIDS GO AHEAD.
I'M GOING TO CASE
THE JOINT.
[PLAYING WALTZ]
[ALL SPEAKING
IN ADMIRATION]
SHE'S
THE CAT'S
MEOW! WOW!
TO THE BIRTHDAY CAT.
L'CHAIM.
DARLING, YOU NEVER
LOOKED BETTER.
EXCUSE ME, LADIES.
ISN'T SHE A BI
OLD FOR HIM?
HE'S HAD
HIS WHISKERS
LIFTED 3 TIMES.
HA HA HA HA!
I THINK I'LL MAKE
A MOVE FOR THA
STRONG, SILENT TYPE.
[HACKING]
A LITTLE GRAY DAY
HOMOGENIZED?
LOVELY WEATHER
WE'RE HAVING.
[SLURP]
UH, YES.
OH, MY.
IT'S LOVELY
WEATHER.
[THINKING]
NOW, WHERE HAVE I HEARD
THAT VOICE BEFORE?
[THINKING]
DOES HE REMEMBER?
DARLING, YOU'RE
SO STRONG,
SO SILENT.
I'M HUNGRY.
I'VE HAD
MORE FUN WATCHING
LEROY SLEEP.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
THEY'RE TOO UPTIGHT.
HMM.
HEY, JACK,
DO YOU KNOW
LOVE LITTERS
IN THE SAND?
[PLAYING WITH JAZZY RHYTHM]
[LAUGHTER]
UHFILL 'ER UP.
Riffraff:
PSST! MUNGO.
GIVE.
COMING AT YOU, BOSS.
[CRASH]
YOU COULDN'T JUS
HAND IT TO ME?
[LAUGHTER]
YOUR FRIENDS
CERTAINLY KNOW HOW
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
THEY REMIND ME
OF A YOUNG COUPLE
I ONCE KNEW.
THEY WERE
VERY MUCH IN LOVE,
AND HE NEVER
FORGOT HER.
SHE NEVER FORGO
EITHER.
Top Hat:
WE CHASED A DOG.
IT WAS
A SQUIRREL.
I STOLE YOU
A DIAMOND.
IT WAS A PEARL.
AH, YES.
I REMEMBER IT NOW.
Top Hat: WE DINED
ON SQUID.
Elsie: NO.
IT WAS CARP.
WE HOPPED A TRAIN.
WE HOPPED A BARGE.
AH, YES.
I REMEMBER IT NOW.
THE DAY YOU LEFT--
I LEFT AT NIGHT.
IT SEEMED SO WRONG.
BUT IT WAS RIGHT.
Both: AH, YES.
I REMEMBER IT NOW.
TOP HAT!
ELSIE!
EEW! WHAT HIT US?!
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
I'LL NEVER
FORGET YOU, MUNGO!
UHTHERE WILL ALWAYS
BE A PLACE FOR YOU
AT THE JUNKYARD!
BYE, DARLING!
Crowd: GOOD-BYE!
GOOD-BYE! TA-TA! SO LONG!
UHMORE CAVIAR, BOSS?
YOU KNOW, IT FEELS GOOD
TO DO GOOD DEEDS.
YEAH. I WONDER WHA
THE TWO LOVEBIRDS
ARE DOING RIGHT NOW.
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
WOAH, FRED, HEATHCLIFF EATS
EVERYTHING.
I BET YOU'D LIKE THAT TOO.
OOH!
JIMMY, YOU JUST FED HIM TOO MUCH
PEOPLE FOOD,
AND HIS TUMMY'S UPSET. WHEN I
EAT TOO MUCH OF THE WRONG THING
EVEN I DON'T FEEL GOOD. PLAY I
SAFE AND STICK TO PET FOOD
FOR YOUR PET. NOW IF I COULD
JUST FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
FOX FAMILY CHANNEL
AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION