I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e15 Episode Script

Hello.
Who's this? This is Lucky.
She's my new foster dog.
Well, since I know she's gonna be leaving soon, I'm not gonna bother learning Lucky's name.
I think you just did.
Oh, man, I'm already in.
Oh, hey, Lucky's licking.
Aw, I want some kisses, too.
Maybe she's all kissed out.
Or maybe it's your breath.
But I just brushed.
And I just had a beef stick.
Logan, those are for the dog.
No wonder she's called Lucky, 'cause they were delicious.
Well, I guess the good news is, now your coat's gonna be extra shiny.
Well, Lucky, it was nice meeting you.
Where you going, girl? You can stay here with me.
No, it's cool.
She can come with me if she wants.
- You sure? - Yeah, why not? Hey, who wants another beef stick? I know I do.
Oh, hey, Jazz, you coming to my garage sale Saturday? I would, but I don't need a garage.
It's a joke.
I always tell it when someone has a garage sale.
It also works with yard sales.
You mean doesn't work.
So how'd I do? And keep in mind, it was my first driving lesson.
You did fine.
I mean, a lot of people hit a mailbox their first time out.
Whew, that's a relief.
Though not usually their own mailbox.
Well, it was right in my blind spot.
The whole windshield is your blind spot? Okay, let's keep the blame where it belongs.
On the driving instructor.
Hey, Betty.
Oh, this is my driving instructor, Mr.
Sparks.
Well, hello.
You can call me Roland.
And you can call me Miss Lebow.
Emphasis on the "miss.
" So, what can I get you? Do you have any specials? Everything I got is special.
And suddenly, I'm carsick.
- Are you busy tonight? - You can pick me up at 7:00.
Great.
I hope you don't mind that my car has two steering wheels.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better.
- Ugh! - You okay? You don't look so great.
Yeah, my driving instructor is flirting with Betty.
Wow.
Teaching you to drive and flirting with Betty.
That guy likes to live on the edge.
Okay, I don't know if you've seen The Wizard of Oz before, but this is the part where the flying monkeys come in.
It gets a little scary.
Maybe we should hold paws.
Aw.
Wow, look at you two getting along.
Yeah, we're totally on the same wavelength.
No one will argue that.
Anyway, I wanna take Lucky to the dog park.
Oh, just wait till the movie's over.
But it's another hour until Dorothy gets back to Kansas.
Spoiler alert.
Okay, come on, girl, let's go.
Wanna go for a walk? Walkies, walkies.
Come on, girl, don't you wanna go to the dog park? She's watching Toto.
You're of no interest to her.
Come on, Lucky.
Come on! Let's go.
You know you want to.
You know you want to! Now you're just embarrassing yourself.
Linds, look, I know you've always been the dog person in our family, but I'm sorry, this time, the dog likes me better.
She does not.
It's just because you smell like beef sticks.
It's more than that.
We like the same foods, the same movies.
We have chemistry.
And you can both sit and roll over.
What's your point? Oh, I see what's going on here.
You're jealous that she likes me better.
Okay, please, like I'd ever be jealous of you.
What's that supposed to mean? It means nothing.
Just forget it.
No.
You think you're better than me.
I do not think I'm better than you.
I just think I'm different than you in a better way.
I don't think we should be having this conversation in front of the d-o-g.
She can't understand what you're saying.
I know.
That's why I spelled it.
Okay, fine, fine.
You guys wanna spend time together, no problem.
I don't care.
Hey, Lucky, look, a cat! Meow, meow.
And now, there's a bunch of cats, and they're fighting.
Meow, meow! Maybe we should watch the movie in my room.
You want three dollars for this? Oh, no, no, that's 300.
This is a vintage Wakahoochie Warrior, from the movie Star Exploders.
And it's still in its original box.
Isn't that a little steep for a toy? This is a very rare item.
They only made 30 of these, because every single part is a choking hazard.
Too rich for my blood.
Hi, Garrett.
This is my friend Aubrey.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Didn't realize you'd be bringing children.
Children implies more than one.
And as you can see, there's only one of me.
Sarcastic children.
The items on the table are for sale, so please don't put your sticky fingers all over them.
I probably wash my hands more than you.
And I've heard you have an issue.
Or should I say, issues? She's delightful.
Why don't you just look at the stuff in the free box? Hey, this is the beret I got you for your birthday.
When I gave it to you, you said you loved it.
I said that to avoid this conversation.
Here we are.
Dude, if you didn't like it, you could've just said The gloves I got you for Christmas.
Are you kidding me? There's a couple of things from Delia in there, too.
Do you mind keeping an eye on things while I use the bathroom? - Washing your hands again? - Leave me alone.
Is that a Wakahoochie Warrior? A what now? It's from Star Exploders, the first movie I ever saw.
- How much does he want for it? - Oh, three dollars.
Really? Sold.
- Yes, Mom, I sold your cement mixer.
- Gotta go.
No, I haven't sold your jackhammer yet.
I can't demonstrate it anymore.
I'm running out of driveway.
There you are.
Betty, are you okay? And there's something on your face.
I'm smiling.
Oh.
That's what's so disturbing.
Get up.
That's Delia's seat.
There you go.
Can I get you a free smoothie? You're acting so nice.
Did you have a head injury recently? No.
I'm trying to thank you for introducing me to Mr.
Sparks, your driving instructor.
Oh.
So that gross flirting actually led to something.
Great news.
We had a wonderful first date.
He drove us to a lovely restaurant, and I drove us home.
From the passenger seat? Yes! I always wondered what it was like to drive with the wheel on the other side of the car.
Now I can cancel my trip to England.
Well, I'm glad you guys hit it off.
We have so much in common.
I hate kids, he hates kids.
I hate traffic, he hates traffic.
I hate my mother, he hates my mother.
He's met your mother? No.
He was just being nice.
"Top ten places to get neutered.
" Huh.
I thought there was only one place.
Hey, where's your best friend? Oh, you mean the dog that likes me better than you? I can say that knowing you're never jealous of me.
Whatever.
Do you know where she is? No, I haven't seen her since we were playing foosball.
How does a dog play foosball? Not very well.
She had no defensive strategy.
Lucky.
Lucky, are you down here? Oh, there you are.
Hey, what's the matter, girl? Aren't you feeling well? Her dog bowl's full.
Did you refill it? If you're accusing me of eating her kibble, I might've sampled it, but that's all.
I don't think she's eaten.
Uh-oh, her teats are out.
Well, put them back in.
What are teats? It's how dogs nurse their pups.
She's in here because she's nesting.
Logan, she's pregnant.
Pregnant? You mean, we're gonna have puppies? She's gonna have puppies.
All that time we spent together, and she didn't even tell me.
You're not gonna believe this.
Someone stole my Wakahoochie Warrior.
Okay, I'm gonna translate from the nerd.
Uh, someone stole your space doll from you? Relax.
Aubrey bought it.
She did? Then where's my $300? Three hundred? I thought it was three dollars.
What?! No! It's a very rare action figure.
Why would you sell it for three dollars? That's what the price said.
No, it didn't.
There was no decimal point.
Keep it down.
Delia's taking a nap in the break room.
I just hope Aubrey hasn't opened it.
The Wakahoochie's only valuable if it's still MIB.
What's MIB? It stands for mint in box.
It means the box has never been opened.
It's similar to MOC, mint on card, like when the action figure's still in its original cardboard.
Sorry.
MIB and MOC cause ISL.
What's ISL? I stopped listening.
Dr.
Doolittle.
So I guess you can talk to the animals.
Nope.
And it's pronounced Do-la-tell.
So Lucky is a foster, and when I got her, the rescue people didn't tell me she was pregnant.
Her teats are out.
Someone learned a new word today.
Well, it's a good thing you brought Lucky in when you did.
She's going into labor.
What now? But I'm not ready.
Logan, you don't have to do anything.
The doctor's got it under control.
You do have it under control, right? Yes.
I even know what teats are.
I'm gonna take her to the back now.
All right, Lucky, we'll be right out here.
If you need anything, just talk to Dr.
Dolittle.
It's Do-la-tell, and again, I cannot talk to the animals.
Yeah, uh, she'll do the talking, and you just have to listen.
That was much smoother.
I think you corrected the whiplash you caused last time.
Glad I could help.
Just give it a little gas.
Nice and easy.
So I heard some good things about your date with Betty.
She had a lot of fun.
When they go out with me, they usually do.
So when's the second date? Let's see, what's today? Monday, Tuesday, never.
Never? What do you mean? Look, Betty's a nice lady, but when you go out with someone, there's either sparks or there's not.
In my case, there's always sparks.
'Cause Sparks is my last name.
Maybe you should just give it one more time.
I mean, Betty has a lot to offer, like like Give me a minute.
Unless you tell me she just won the lottery, I've made my decision.
Classy.
Well, have you told her you're not interested? That's not really my style.
I said I was going out of town, then I'll just never call again.
It's called doing a fade-out.
Well, that's not very nice.
It's the price you pay when you're rollin' with Roland.
Sorry.
Thought I saw a squirrel.
Aubrey.
There's my favorite kiddo.
Yesterday, you called me sticky fingers.
I meant, uh, sticky, which rhymes with licky, which is sorta similar to likey.
What do you want? Do you have the, uh, Wokahoka Warlord guy? You mean the Wakahoochie Warrior? Yes.
Thank goodness it's still MIB.
Don't ask him what that means, because he'll tell you.
I need that back.
It has great sentimental value.
If it has sentimental value, why were you selling it? Did I say sentimental? I meant sell-imental.
Sure you did.
How about I give you six dollars for it? That way, you double your money.
Pretty sweet deal, huh? That is a nice offer.
But according to the internet, the sell-imental value is $300.
I'm not paying you $300.
Fine.
I bet my other dolls would like a new friend.
Let me just take it out of the box.
No, no, it has to be MIB.
Jazz, help me here.
Aubrey, there must be some way to work this out that's fair.
Something other than money.
You mean, like a trade? Yes.
A trade.
Hey, how would you like to have your own jackhammer? Actually, there is something I've always wanted.
A butler.
You know, you can break up a lot of stuff with a jackhammer.
Sounds like the girl wants a butler.
Whose side are you on? Well, let's see.
You both play with dolls.
But one of you has a butler.
I thought little girls were supposed to be made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
You want your toy back? You're gonna have to play ball butler.
Okay, what is taking so long? If this was a cartoon, the puppies would be out by now, and singing in harmony.
You can't go through life saying, "If this was a cartoon.
" It's gotten me this far.
It takes a while to have puppies.
You know so much more about dogs than I do.
I didn't even know she was pregnant.
I didn't know either.
But you figured it out.
You're a much better dog parent than I am.
No wonder you'd never be jealous of me.
Logan, I was jealous of you.
You are so great with Lucky.
Dogs are amazing judges of character.
The fact that she likes you so much says a lot.
Now you're just being nice.
Keep going.
Congratulations.
The puppies are delivered in perfect health, and Lucky's doing great.
She told me so herself.
Really? Yes, and it's pronounced Dolittle.
There's my girl.
May I show you to the VIP section? Actually, I need to talk to you.
Delia wants to talk.
Keep it down! Um, let's sit.
It's about Mr.
Sparks, who I'm guessing by now you're not even that excited about.
Are you kidding? I'm crazy about that man.
We're going out again when he gets back from that driving instructor convention in Fiji.
The thing is, Mr.
Sparks isn't really out of town.
What? Why would he lie to me? He doesn't want a second date, and he doesn't have the guts to tell you, so he's just gonna disappear.
It's called a fade-out.
Oh.
If it makes you feel any better, when he told me, I slammed on the brakes and made him bang his head on the steering wheel.
Did it leave a knot or a bruise? Both.
You're a sweet kid.
My dads raised me right.
Are you gonna be okay? Yes.
I'm a big girl.
I can handle it.
I'm so glad you're taking this well.
Please.
Betty doesn't believe in holding grudges.
I'm over it already.
Fade out on me? I will fade out on you.
And by fade out, I mean I will put my foot in your I can't roll up my window.
My bad.
I guess the window lock is on.
When I get through with you, you won't be able to out your I hope your horn's in good shape, 'cause she's just getting warmed up.
They're so adorable.
This one is the oldest.
He was born first.
No, wait.
This one's the oldest.
I think.
New parents; we were up all night.
That's Toto, Lucky Junior, and Lucky Junior Junior.
I let Logan name them.
Junior Junior? That sounds weird.
Says Garrett III.
Hey, let's celebrate.
Who wants a beef stick? - Oh, I'll take one.
- Me, too.
- Sounds good.
- Those are dog treats.
- I'll pass.
- Me, too.
Sounds bad.
Your loss.
The only thing better than a basket full of puppies is oh, come on, there's nothing better.
You rang? I was just testing the bell.
Now I want something.
Could you fluff my pillow? I just did that 15 minutes ago.
She said fluff, not punch.
Fluff fluff.
Will there be anything else? Yes.
I'd like to see some modern dance.
I don't know how to modern dance.
And that's why I'd like to see it.
Good help is so hard to find these days.
Dad!