I Love Lucy (1951) s02e15 Episode Script

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) Good morning, Lucy.
Oh, hi, Ethel.
Where are you going so early? Oh, I thought I'd go down and see the doctor.
What's the matter, honey, are you sick? No, I just want to get a checkup.
I need a tonic or something.
I've been feeling real donsey.
Donsey? Yeah.
That's a word my grandmother made up for when you're not really sick, but you just feel lousy.
Oh.
Oh, I-I don't know what's the matter with me.
I've been getting a lot of rest, and then I wake up feeling all dragged out in the morning.
I don't have much energy, and yet I've been putting on a lot of weight.
I just feel blah.
Well, maybe you need some vitamin pills or a liver shot or something.
Yeah.
Listen, don't tell Ricky that I went to see the doctor.
No sense worrying him.
Okay.
Gee, I-I'm going to have to go on a diet.
You know, I could hardly get into my dress this morning.
Hey, Lucy Hmm? Wait a minute.
You don't suppose? I don't suppose what? You don't suppose you're going to have a baby? Oh, of course not.
(laughing) For heaven's sake.
A baby?! Yeah.
Baby.
That's a word my grandmother made up for tiny little people.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard of.
I've been married 11 years, Ethel.
I know it.
Now, get that look off your face.
You were a lot closer when you said I needed liver shots.
Well, we'll wait and see what the doctor says.
Oh, I got to go.
I'll see you later.
Good-bye, mummy.
I'm going to wait right here until you come back.
Go on.
Now, cut that out.
Let's have no more kidding about me having a baby.
The whole thought is utterly ridiculous.
Lucy? What did the doctor say? Lucy? Oh, hi, Ethel.
Hi, Lucy.
What did the doctor say? Ethel we're going to have a baby.
We are?! Oh oh, isn't that wonderful? I I never had a baby before.
I mean, I've never been let in on it so soon.
Let in on it? Why, you knew it even before I did.
This whole thing was practically your idea.
Aw! Gee just think, Ethel.
I'm going to be a mother.
And I'm going to be a I am going to be something, aren't I? Oh, sure, sure.
Y- You and Fred will be the godparents.
Oh, isn't that exciting? Did the doctor say what it's going to be? It's going to be a baby.
No.
I mean, I wonder if it's going to be a boy or a girl.
Oh, I can't wait to find out whether I'm going to be a godmother or a godfather.
Wait till I tell Fred.
He's going to be so excited! Oh, Ethel, Ethel, don't tell Fred.
Why not? Because I haven't told Ricky yet, and he'd feel awful if Fred knew before he did.
Why haven't you told Ricky? Well because I-I want to tell him in a very special way.
All my life, I've dreamed about how I was going to tell my husband when we were going to have a baby.
I've known exactly what I was going to say to him.
I've dreamed about it a million times.
Aw Now it's going to come true.
See, h-he'll be sitting right here, see? And then and then I-I'll come over, and I'll I'll sit on his lap.
And I'll put my arms around his neck, and I'll say Ricky darling our dream has come true.
You and I are going to be blessed with something that means more to us than anything in the whole world.
Well, I shouldn't be here at a time like this.
What? Uh I mean, I'll come back after you've told Ricky.
Oh, he ought to be home for lunch any minute.
He's going to be so thrilled! Oh, Lucy! Oh! (both stomping their feet) (sighing) Hi, honey.
Oh, hello, Ricky.
Uh, I thought you'd never get here.
What are you talking about? I'm ten minutes early.
Oh, yeah.
(chuckles) H- How's everything, darling? Everything's terrible.
Oh, good.
Good? I said everything was terrible.
Huh? Oh, terrible.
Yeah, terrible.
I don't think I'll ever put on another nightclub show as long as I live.
The lights are all wrong.
The costumes are all wrong.
Nobody knows their number.
Nothing good happened today.
Well, it will, dear.
You come over here and sit down.
See? I fixed lunch in here.
It's cozier and comfyer.
Oh, gee, honey, that looks wonderful.
Yeah, well, just relax, dear.
I'm all right, honey.
I'm just hungry.
Sit back, dear.
Sit back.
Yes, dear.
Ricky Ricky, darling What is it, honey? Give me that.
Now, swallow.
There.
(loud crunching) Ricky, do you have to eat now? Well, honey, it's lunchtime.
You fixed me a beautiful lunch.
Well, stop for a minute.
Now, swallow that.
My stomach is going to think I lost my teeth.
All right, honey.
Now, what is it? Ricky darling (phone ringing) Honey, the phone is ringing.
I know it.
Well, honey, one of us has to get up and answer it.
No! Lucy Let it ring.
Oh, honey, come on.
It might be important, honey.
Oh Come on, sweetheart.
(ringing continues) Hello? Oh, hello, Marco.
What?! What do you mean, they can't have the costumes there till tonight? Now, look, you tell that guy that he has to have those costumes there by 2:00 this afternoon or I'm going to sue him.
That's what I said- I'm going to sue him.
And-and look, will you have the orchestra there on time for a change? I don't care how you do it.
Just get 'em there, eh? Thanks.
Good-bye.
Oh, what a business.
Sometimes I think I'll go back to Cuba and work in a sugar plantation.
Just the two of us.
Just the two of us? Yeah.
I don't mind to get you all involved in my affairs, honey, but you should be happy you're a woman.
Oh, I am, I am.
Oh, you-you think that you know how tough my job is, but believe me, if you traded places with me, you'd be surprised.
Believe me, if I traded places with you, you'd be surprised.
Uh, honey, what is this all about, huh? What's the matter? Nothing, dear.
I just love you, that's all.
Uh-oh.
How much are you overdrawn? I am not overdrawn.
I want to tell you something.
Lucy, what did you buy? Nothing! Ricky darling (doorbell buzzes) Oh, I'll get it.
Who was that? Nobody.
Now, how can nobody ring the doorbell? Well, I think it was probably Nobody's necktie is caught in the door.
I'll get it.
Nah, uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
I'll get it.
Whose father got It's Ricky.
Hi, Ricky.
Hi, Rick.
Now, what's going on here? Why'd you slam the door in their face? Well, I ETHEL: Oh, that's all right.
I- I don't think you should be disturbed while you're eating your lunch.
No, Ricky, go ahead and have your lunch.
We can come back.
We can come back later.
Oh, come on, will you?! Come in.
Why everybody acting so silly? Now, come on and sit down.
I want to talk to you.
Come on.
Come on, will you? Sit down, Fred.
All right.
Fred, I want to tell you something.
You don't know how smart you are that you got out of show business.
Oh? You should have been at the club today.
Everything went wrong.
First of all, you know that costume shop and not only that, but the guy in the spotlight has the nerve to tell me that I told him not to light me during my number but to go around looking for interesting faces in the audience.
(chuckling): Oh, no.
Yeah, well, do you folks really have to go? Oh, yes, we really do.
Yeah, I guess.
We'll see you later, Ricky.
Come on, Fred.
Yeah, okay.
(clears throat) Good-bye.
Hey, Fred, how about the fights? Everything's all right.
I've taken care of it, Rick.
I told Honey, he was still talking.
Honey Honey, I-I want to talk to you.
Lucy, what do you sit on when I'm not home? (giggling) Ricky darling (phone rings) Darn that thing! Lucy, you're sure acting strange.
What's the matter, honey? Come on, let me answer the phone.
Maybe it's important.
Oh Hello? Yeah, yeah.
What?! What do you mean? Of course the club has an automatic dishwashing machine.
We just put it in.
What?! I got to pay for standby dishwashers? Aw, now, wait a minute.
No-no-no, d-don't do anything, would you? I'll be right down.
Just hold everything.
I'll be right down.
Good-bye.
But Ricky, can't you stay a few more minutes? Honey, I'm sorry, honey, but this is union trouble I got to take care of.
Standby dishwashers they want, yet.
Thanks for the lunch, honey.
Yeah, but, Ricky, Ricky, I want to talk to you about something.
Well, look, sweetheart, whatever it is, use your own judgment.
Now, if if you think it's a good idea, go ahead with it.
(door closes) I just saw Ricky leaving.
That didn't take long.
What did he say? Nothing.
I haven't told him yet.
You haven't? Why not? Because I kept being interrupted by telephones, sandwiches, and certain busybodies.
Well, thanks.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
Oh, that's all right.
You're bound to be a little cranky in your condition.
I am not cranky! Of course not.
Well, I'm not! That's right.
Come on.
I'll help you with the dishes.
(dishes clattering) Fred, what is all that? Well, I want to get the little fella started off right.
Oh, Fred, for heaven's sake.
Here, Lucy.
For my godson.
Oh gee, thanks, Fred.
Oh, she doesn't want all that junk.
Junk? Do you realize that that's an honest-to-goodness Yankee ball cap? Huh! Junk And wait till you see the name on this.
That's the name of the best ballplayer the Yankees ever had.
Oh.
"Spaulding.
" No, honey, turn it around.
Oh! "Joe DiMaggio!" You betcha.
Old Joltin' Joe himself.
Ah, gee, Fred.
I bet these things meant a lot to you.
You shouldn't be giving them to us.
Aw, why not? There's nothing too good for little Freddie.
Aw (chuckling) You mean, there's nothing too good for little Ethel.
That baby's name is going to be Fred.
How can they call little Ethel "Fred"? Oh, now wait a minute.
Just a minute.
We're getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren't we? The baby won't be here for quite a while, you know.
(chuckling): That's right.
Yeah, I guess you're right there.
There's plenty of time to name him Fred.
Yeah.
(chuckles) Ah, I bet Ricky was thrilled, huh, Lucy? She didn't get a chance to tell him.
You didn't? No.
I'm going down to the club and tell him.
Oh, Lucy, that won't be the way you've always planned it.
Well, I can't help it.
Ricky's got to know.
And if I don't tell Ricky soon, I might as well wait and let the baby tell him.
(orchestra tuning up) All right, all right.
All right, fellas.
Let's, uh, let's try "Granada," huh? You got it in there? What's the number of that? And listen, I want to check this mic, too- be sure the balance is right.
Okay, Tony? Granada Tierra sonada por mi Mi cantar se vuelve gitano cuando es para ti Mi cantar Hecho de fantasia Mi cantar Flor de melancolia Que yo te vengo a Dar (dramatic chords playing) (piano arpeggio) Granada, tierra ensangrentada En carra ventura Mujer que conserva el embrujo de los ojos moros Te sueno rebelde y gitana cubierta de flores Y beso to boca de grana, tu goza manzana Que me habla de amores Granada, manola cantadas en coplas preciosas No tengo otra cosa que darte que un ramo de rosas De rosas de suave fragrancias Que le diera mar a la virgen morena Granada Tu tierra Esta llena de lindas mujeres De sangre Del sol! Uh, that was fine, fellas, but, uh, let's bite those trumpet figures at the end a little more, huh? Okay.
Let's see what else we got here.
Hi, Lucy.
Hi.
Hi, Lucy.
Hello.
Oh, hiya, honey! What are you doing down here? Well, honey, I-I didn't have a chance to talk to you at home, and I-I have something I wanted to say to you.
Oh, sure, honey.
What is it? Uh, Ricky darling MAN: Hey, Rick! What? You want the white spot on this number or the blue one? The white one.
Okay, Rick.
Yes, honey? Ricky darling Hey, Ricky.
What? Can we squeeze another table in here for six? No.
For the owner's nephew.
Yes.
Uh, you might as well take five, fellas, huh? MAN 2: Say, Ricky, are we doing this number tonight? Yeah.
We're doing that tonight, yeah.
Don't make it any longer than five, eh? We got a lot of work to do.
What's the matter, honey? Honey, I came all the way down here to tell you something very important, and you won't even give me a chance to talk to you.
Of course I will, honey.
I sure will.
What is it, honey? Hey, Rick! Yeah? What? What? Now, wait a minute! Wait a minute, everybody! Now, stand still! Don't make a move.
Now, I don't want any noise around here.
Now, please.
My wife came down here to tell me something very important.
That's the only thing that counts right now.
I don't even want to hear a pin drop.
Please be quiet.
All right, honey.
What is it? Do you have the right time? What?! What time is it? Oh, now, honey, you didn't come down here to ask me that, did you? Yes, I Have you got the time? Oh, now, honey, now tell me, honey, what was it you want to tell me, eh? What is it? (sobbing): Nothing Oh, honey, Lucy! Honey, sweetheart.
Honey, please, now what is it? What's the matter? Nothing! Leave me alone.
I'll be all right.
Honey? Now, you go and try to figure out a woman.
Come on, fellas.
We got a lot of work to do.
Let's go.
Hey, you just gave us five.
All right, I'm taking it back.
Let's go, eh? Come on.
(mambo music playing) Oh, the lady in red Is fresh as a daisy when the town is in bed Dancing and dining and shining with originality She's very proper She's nothing more than a pal Oh, me and oh, my You never stop her She'd be a dangerous gal If she ever met the right guy Oh, the lady in red The fellas are crazy for the lady in red She's a bit gawdy, but, lawdy What a personality Say Have you ever met a girl who's the toast of the town? A work of art without a question You better write her number down, you fool.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
And now for the For you, Ricky.
Oh, thank you.
Excuse me.
Pardon me, please.
Oh, isn't this wonderful? Listen to this.
"Dear Mr.
Ricardo, "My husband and I are going to have a blessed event.
"I just found out about it today, "and I haven't told him yet.
"I heard you sing a number called "'We're Having a Baby, My Baby and Me.
' "If you will sing it for us now, it will be my way of breaking the news to him.
" Isn't that wonderful? Of course I'll do it for you.
Sure.
Eh, Ma? Oh, wait a minute.
I got a wonderful idea.
Why don't we bring the couple up here, and I'll sing it right to them, eh? Come on, let's bring them up on the floor.
Come on, folks.
(orchestra playing "Rock-A-Bye, Baby") Come on.
We just want to wish you luck.
Who is it? Rock-a-bye, baby On the treetop No? When the wind blows The cradle will rock No? When the bough breaks The cradle will fall And down will come baby Cradle and all Rock-a-bye, baby On the Hiya, honey.
On the treetop When the wind blows The cradle will fall When the bough breaks The cradle will fall An (orchestra continues playing) Honey, honey Honey, no.
(laughing): Yes.
Really? Yes.
Why didn't you tell me? Well, you didn't give me a chance.
Are you kidding? No.
I tri It's me! I'm going to be a father! How about that? (applause) I want you to meet my mother.
I mean, my wife, my wife.
(people shouting "do 'The Baby Song'") What? Do the baby song! Do the baby song! We're having a baby My baby and me You'll read it in Winchell That we're adding a limb To our family tree While pushing that carriage How proud I will be There's nothing like marriage Ask your father and mother And they'll agree He'll have toys Baby clothes He'll know he's come to the right house By and by When he grows Maybe he'll live in the White House Really? And why not? Our future looks brighter But definitely We're having a baby I bet he's going to look just like you.
Oh, I hope not.
We're having a baby I'll bet she'll speak with an accent like you.
She? Yeah.
We're having a baby My baby And me.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing) ANNOUNCER: The part of the electrician was played by Dick Reeves and the maitre d' by William Hamel.
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org I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.