MacGyver (2016) s02e15 Episode Script
Murdoc + Handcuffs
1 - Previously on MacGyver - Mr.
Fletcher? Mr.
Henry Fletcher? He's got a gun, Mac! RILEY: Looks like our boy Henry was quite the hit man.
JACK: Henry's on lockdown.
There's no sign of Murdoc anywhere in the city.
Henry! Such a pleasure to finally meet you.
- [GROANS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
See, I'm starting my own business venture.
A little collective, if you will.
And you are my first recruit.
- JACK: Jaguar! - BOZER: Panther! A wolverine! And not Hugh Jackman the animal.
- A bear! - A tiger! - Tiger-bear.
- Man, what the hell is a tiger-bear? - It's a criss-cross.
Had to kill one with my bare hands once.
- What? RILEY: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mac, we talked about this.
- No props.
- [MACGYVER SIGHS.]
I thought you said he was smart.
MATTY [IMITATES BUZZER.]
: Time's up! - What? - Girls rule.
- Boys don't.
- [WHOOPS.]
MACGYVER: Fridge.
- BOZER: What? - The word was refrigerator.
JACK: Refrigerator? BOZER: Mac, in what parallel dimension do refrigerators have claws? - You milking a cow? - MACGYVER: I was tracing the shape of the evaporator coils on the back of every refrigerator.
Nobody knows what that is, dude.
How are you a genius everywhere else - and so bad at this stuff? - BOZER: We discussed this, Mac.
Keep it simple and nontechnical.
It's charades, not How It's Made.
Yeah, I get lost in the details.
Fellas, let's go now.
- The girls are cleaning our clocks.
- I think you mean cleaned, Jack.
- The ladies have cleaned your clocks.
- We're going to 20, right? 17 to two, Jack.
So you're saying there's a chance? No.
Really, I'm just embarrassed for you at this point.
Embarrassed? Come on now, fellas.
- We're getting our second wind, right? - Right.
Oh, speaking of seconds, who wants a refill? - Me.
- JACK: Yeah, I'll help you.
You got to be drunk to figure out what he's doing.
And what's with that soap opera stopwatch? It's not regulation.
- It's an antique.
- MACGYVER: I like it.
Thank you.
Do you want to take it apart and see how it works? - BOZER: You're much better at that than charades.
- [LAUGHING.]
What's with the Kool-Aid smile? Oh, yeah! [CHUCKLES.]
It is amazing how much you amuse yourself.
But it's awesome how amused you guys are by my amusement.
I know what you're doing, Riley.
- I'm getting everyone refills.
- No, no.
Inviting your mom to charades tonight? It's just like when Susan and Sharon recreated their parents' first date at Martinelli's.
- Okay, try again, but with different words.
- The Parent Trap.
You might not be identical twins with yourself, but I know you invited your mom here tonight to try to rekindle whatever spark there might have been between us.
Who you think you are, Hayley Mills? You mean Lindsay Lohan? I'm not talking about the reboot.
Reboots never work.
That one worked.
The point is, I've seen the movie too many times.
- It's not going to happen.
- Okay.
Between Sarah last year and Dixie last week, - you've had your share of heartbreaks.
- [CHUCKLES.]
So has Mom.
Now that's she's thinking about moving back to L.
A.
, would it really be so bad if you two gave it another shot? - [DOORBELL RINGS.]
- I Saved by the pizza guy.
But think about it, yeah? Hi, does Angus MacGyver live here? Hands in the air.
On your knees.
On your knees.
You move and I'll kill you.
Shake him down, Bozer.
- Jack? - Mom, just stay behind me.
- What's going on? - We'll explain later.
- He's clean.
- Wow.
Murdoc was right.
You really do live here.
You know, it's-it's not very secure.
Where is Murdoc? He's probably just a distraction.
I know my word doesn't mean much, but I promise you, Murdoc is nowhere near us.
I came alone and unarmed.
- So why are you here? - We have something very important to discuss, and trust me, you're going to want to hear what I have to say.
Hey.
All right.
You know, this is all so unnecessary.
I just came here to show you something.
Then show us.
You said you'd explain later.
It's later, sweetie.
What's going on? Mom, I know you have a lot of questions.
I just need you to be patient right now, okay? [PAINED GRUNTING.]
Well, Murdoc sure doesn't look happy.
You'll regret this! Yeah, well, with Murdoc, looks can be deceiving.
Get me out! Now! What's this about? Revenge.
Well, before Murdoc recruited me into his growing collective, I had a pretty good life hiding in plain sight.
MATTY: Murdoc outed you.
Boo-hoo.
You're in the wrong place for sympathy, pal.
You said Murdoc recruited you to a collective.
- So there's more of you? - Yes.
And each one of them has a story just like mine.
JACK: Oh, come on.
You expect us to believe there's an anti-Justice League that got tired of the exposure and just turned on him? - Is that it? - Precisely.
And I'm here to offer you a deal.
In 12 hours, we are willing to hand Murdoc over to you.
All we ask in return is $10 million in cash and Oh, is that all? I'm not done.
The only agents allowed at the exchange are you two.
After the exchange, no one follows us.
We walk away clean.
I'll give you a few minutes to discuss, but the clock is ticking.
As you can imagine, we have other interested parties.
JACK: We don't need a few minutes.
This is a trap, plain and simple.
It might be, but it's also the best lead that we've had on Murdoc in months.
If there's even a remote chance that taking this deal leads him back to federal custody, well, then we have to take it.
BOZER: But what about this collective? Taking this deal means helping every killer Murdoc recruited go free.
And in exchange, we get Murdoc.
JACK: I can't believe you guys are actually considering this.
Huh? We're going to trust a former fifth-grade teacher/ professional killer? Why am I the only one feeling duped here? You're not, Jack.
But Murdoc is the big fish here.
So you're cool with this? Yes.
Well, you're making it hard to uphold that Wookiee life debt.
But if you're in, yeah, I'm in.
Let's do it.
Looks like you got yourself a deal.
But I promise you this If you double-cross us, you will be the very first person I hunt down.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Lovely.
I'll be in touch with the deets.
You mind? Get out of here.
See you tomorrow, gentlemen.
- Now could somebody tell me what's going on? - [DOOR SHUTS.]
We just made a deal with the Devil to catch Satan himself.
That's what's going on.
Think you brought enough stuff? For the doc? Hell no.
This whole thing still feels hinky to me.
You know, back in the day, there's a mutiny, make the guy walk the plank.
I mean, why would Fletcher just hand Murdoc over to us, huh? Want me to tell you why? 'Cause he wants us dead.
That's why.
It's a big old bear trap.
I know, Jack.
That's why you're not the only one who came prepared.
- You brought something, too, huh? - Yeah.
Please, tell me it's a death ray.
[SCOFFS.]
No.
It is a portable gas chromatograph.
So it takes, um, samples from the air and it scans them for explosive particulate matter.
So it's a bomb detector? - Yeah.
- Why didn't you say that? I-I thought I did.
No, you didn't.
[PHONE VIBRATES.]
I'm sorry that your mom got dragged into this.
How's she doing? On a scale from the time I got my belly button pierced to the time she got kidnapped by people who wanted me to hack the NSA? [CHUCKLES.]
Mainly she has a lot of questions I'm not allowed to answer.
But occupational hazard, right? Yeah.
JACK [OVER COMM.]
: Hey, Riley, what do you see at the location Fletcher gave? - [SIGNAL BREAKS UP.]
- What the hell just happened? You kidding me? I think the comms just went out.
I just lost all sat feed and cell signal in the area.
So, Mac and Jack are heading to a meeting with Murdoc, and at least one other psychopath, and we don't even have eyes on them? Cell phones are down, too.
It's got to be the collective.
I guess Fletcher was serious when he said just us.
Riley, I don't care what it takes, you get us eyes back on our boys.
Big old bear trap.
We know what we were getting into.
[MAKES TRAP SOUND.]
Aah! I'm not seeing anybody.
Your little doohickey picking anything up yet? No, but [ECHOING THUD.]
I think they're here.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING.]
Morning, gents.
I trust you two are alone.
As you can see, I am not.
But if you both behave yourselves, you get to go home with a prize.
Oh, MacGyver, how I have dreamed of our reunion.
Though my dream didn't include these.
Cash first.
Uh, how about no? You're not seeing one single dollar till we have Cuckoo-Ka-Choo in custody.
Well, I'm afraid that won't work.
You see, I don't trust you.
How can you not trust us? We're the good guys.
How about a show of good faith and we meet in the middle? Careful, Angus.
I'm quite ticklish.
[LAUGHS.]
Pleasure doing business with you.
Oh, and, Murdoc, if turning you in didn't pay so well, I'd have killed you myself.
Remember that.
Let's go.
You drive, Mac.
I got him.
Do me a favor, Looney Tunes.
Anything for you, Jack.
Ditch the creepy smile or I'll hop back there and slap it off your face.
I'm sensing some anger, Jack.
Still mad at me for killing your friend last Christmas? Oh, how was, uh, Cage's funeral, by the way? I meant to send flowers.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but she's still alive.
Yeah, I guess you'll have to erase that notch off your belt, fruit loop.
Really? That's surprising.
JACK: He just told you you're not nearly as good as you think you are, and by nightfall you'll be back in a ten-by-ten, so what are you smiling about? Just daydreaming.
Do you remember when you were a kid, and you'd be playing in your backyard, and you come across a spider, and you scoop it into your hand, take it inside, and you spend hours alone in your room pulling its legs off, one by one by one, until it can't move anymore.
And-and then just when this creature's reached peak terror, you'd squish it into jelly with your thumb.
Seriously? What? I'm the only one that did that? Does this disturbing trip down memory lane have a point? Of course.
There's always a point, MacGyver.
I am smiling, Jack, because when I catch those people who handed me over to you, I'm going to play with them the same way I did my spiders.
Let me shoot him.
- No.
- Please? I-I know in my heart it's the right thing to do.
You know, you have an inflated sense of your own importance there, Doc.
Mother always said I was special.
Let's go.
[MURDOC LAUGHS.]
Going for a ride in a whirlybird.
- #Fun.
- Zip it.
[DEVICE RAPIDLY BEEPING.]
What is that? Run.
Run! [ALL SCREAMING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Jack.
Jack.
You okay? I'm a little woozy, but I'm still breathing.
I'm fine, too, over here.
Thanks for asking.
Shut up.
Nobody cares.
Okay, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that was not an accident.
We got to get out of here.
JACK: Yeah, well, that thing's trashed.
We're not going anywhere in that.
Your insurance rates are going to absolutely skyrocket.
I thought I told you to [GUNSHOTS.]
Take cover now! [GRUNTS.]
Who is this guy? Friend of yours? We both know I don't have friends.
We got to get out of here now.
Go, go, go! [GRUNTS.]
[JACK SHOUTS.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Wait.
Hey, what's so funny? What are you laughing at? Huh? This was all part of your plan, wasn't it, crime genius, huh? Dangling yourself out there as bait to get us all blown up.
Ha, ha, ha, very funny.
Come on, Jackie boy, you know me better than that.
If I was behind this, you'd both be chained to that helicopter as it burned in midair, right, huh? I don't know.
Face-to-face, screaming in absolute terror as you plummet to a beautiful, fiery death.
What is the matter with you? I'm just spitballing here, but you get the point.
Come on.
If this was a double-cross, the worst one in the history of double-crosses.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fletcher took our money and he circled back to kill this toolbox himself.
And that's a win-win right there.
Wait, look, there's another possibility here.
Fletcher.
He said that there were other interested parties who wanted Murdoc, so maybe he went to someone else before he came to us.
JACK: Yeah, and then that certain someone tracked Fletcher to kill Murdoc himself.
It's a whole lot cheaper that way.
So the real question is, Murdoc, who wants you dead? Pull up a chair, boys, this could take a while.
We ain't pulling up no chair.
We're going to figure this out on the plane on the way back to the Phoenix.
Come on.
Take him.
- [GRUNTS.]
- I got him.
[SIGHS.]
Cell phone towers are still down.
Oh, great, so we're on our own with Murdoc and his soon-to-be-dead, unidentified friend.
Again, not my friend.
Well, whoever he is, he can't be far behind.
We need to figure out who we're dealing with here, Mac.
Pronto.
If we can take a picture of him and somehow get it to Phoenix, then they can run facial recognition.
How the hell we supposed to do that? We can't get close enough to the Terminator without being terminated.
[COUGHS.]
- What? - Set a trap.
Come on, nature photographers use lures to take photos of dangerous animals.
This is no different.
Draw the man out.
Set your camera to record and autosend and then when cell towers are working again, voilà , the video will wing its way across the country to dear Matilda.
Sound about right, Angus? Actually, that's exactly what I had in mind.
Great minds, MacGyver.
Great minds.
Jack, I need your phone.
No way, man.
Smash your own damn cell phone.
Mine got toasted when the helicopter went - snap-crackle-pop.
- Fellas, whatever we're planning on doing, You may want to hurry things along.
Hey, this way.
Who is this guy? [METAL CLANGING.]
People, I've got operatives in the field that I can't see or talk to.
Where are we on restoring my comms and sat feed? Um, the cell company just got two of their towers working again.
[COMPUTER CHIMES.]
Whoa, whoa, hang on.
Mac's phone just synced a large video file to the cloud.
MACGYVER: Okay.
Not sure if you guys are gonna get this before we're dead, but we still have Murdoc.
Someone's trying to kill us.
And if this works, you're about to get a real good look at him.
We need to go right now, buddy.
Let's go.
Okay, got it.
Fast-forward.
Okay, stop.
Take a screen grab and run that through facial rec.
We've got a new player in the game, and I want to know exactly who he is.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Okay, looks like cell phone service is back up.
We need to let the Phoenix know we're still alive.
Why don't you just kill that nice woman - and steal her cell phone? - No.
Fine.
I don't know how you two get anything accomplished.
We're in a public library.
We don't need a phone.
Hey, guys.
Mac, Jack.
It's a big relief to see you.
I'm sending you new exfil coordinates.
A team should be there in four hours.
Okay, good.
We'll lay low.
MURDOC: Matty.
Hi! I just want to say how nice it is seeing you again.
Shut it, Pennywise.
The adults are talking.
Did you guys get my video? BOZER: We did.
But we didn't get any hits on facial rec.
Maybe Murdoc knows him.
Send us the photo.
Oh! [LAUGHING.]
This is gonna be fun.
Matty, I think we're in business.
Our psycho recognizes your psycho.
Okay, who is this guy? Why does he want you dead? This is Nicholas Helman.
Is that name supposed to mean something? Mm-hmm.
Means you might as well start digging three graves because that's the man who trained me.
He taught me everything I know.
You think I'm bad? Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
JACK: Okay, so, what's the deal with this guy hunting you? There's got to be a good reason - he wants you dead so bad.
- It's quite sad, actually.
JACK: Is it? Helman and I were on a job together, taking out a senator's kids with a car bomb.
Standard stuff, really.
Helman was under the car securing the device, when the children came out early.
Now, this was a high-paying gig.
I didn't want to blow the paycheck, so I blew the explosives.
[GUN COCKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Helman was horrifically burned over 75% of his body.
It's a miracle he survived.
I mean, if you saw him, you'd admit the guy has got a face for telethons.
You know, we'd have better luck stopping him if you told us the truth.
The truth is irrelevant, MacGyver.
Helman wants us dead, we're dead.
But I can't say no to that face, Angus.
So here it is, the big truth.
Fresh out of high school, I wanted nothing more than to join the United States Army.
- They wouldn't have me.
- Oh, imagine that.
Something about spectacularly failing a psych exam.
- Oh, I'm shocked.
- Right? So, hopped the first flight out of the good old U.
S.
of A.
Joined the first army that would have me.
You joined a foreign military? I'm pretty sure that's treason.
See, I had a burgeoning interest in shooting people.
My new friends were willing to indulge me.
See, what the U.
S.
saw as a problem, my new friends saw as a gift.
So they sent me to train with Helman.
Why don't you fast-forward to the part where he wants to put your dumb ass in the ground.
I can think of two possible reasons.
One: I stiffed the guy on a bill at a diner in Lisbon.
Still owe him $13.
57.
Or two: I, uh, murdered his wife right in front of him.
Probably the second one, huh? - Safe bet.
- Mm-hmm.
So what happened? Well, after Helman had trained me and the country we'd sworn allegiance to ceased to exist, so we went to work for some very, very bad people.
Until one day, Helman met this woman and he fell in love and decided he wanted to quit the biz.
See, this isn't exactly the kind of job you just turn in your two weeks' notice.
So they sent you in to kill him.
Sure enough.
Remember when I said Helman was better than me? Let me guess you tried to kill him, missed, killed her instead, and he's been chasing you ever since.
[LAUGHS.]
: Ten points for Gryffindor, Angus! Whoo-hoo! Yeah, see, that's why I've never stayed in the same place for long I always figured Helman would catch up and make good on his promise to end me.
Looks like today's the day! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
All right.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Officer, but I think I know who stole that woman's van.
This is Officer Martinez.
I need to report a possible 207.
Hey, guys, I got an incoming switchboard patch from a caller who claims to be Nicholas Helman.
Put it on speaker.
Okay.
This is Director Matilda Webber.
To whom am I speaking? By now, I think you know exactly to whom you're speaking.
You're in charge? That's right.
Oh, good.
I have an offer.
Your two agents have no idea what they're stepping into the middle of.
So here's my proposal: you give me Dennis, and I'll let them live.
Dennis? Well, you might know him as Murdoc.
But it doesn't matter what is on his tombstone, because there will be a tombstone real soon.
The only question is, will there be three? MURDOC: Ooh.
I spy with my little eye something red.
No takers? Hmm.
Ooh, how about 20 questions? Ooh, the alphabet game.
Daddies, are we there yet? Shut up.
I suppose a pee-pee break's - out of the question.
- Shut up! Hey.
Just ignore him.
You were saying? About what? - Diane.
- What about her? You never finished.
Oh.
Yeah, well I-I don't know, dude, that was, like, a hundred miles ago, you know? Well, just talk about something.
Act like he's not there.
Okay.
To be honest, I do think about her and what could've been, but to be really honest, I think about, what if we tried again and I screwed it up? I always screw it up.
- You're talking about Riley? - Yes.
And I finally have Riley back in my life again - I don't want to lose her.
- Home Home on the range Where the deer - Can I shoot him? - No.
I-I know I don't have that many bullets left, but I guarantee he'll stop singing before I use 'em all.
He's trying to get a rise out of you.
I could pistol-whip him, huh? How about a pistol-whip, huh? A discourag How about a good pistol-whip?! Shut up! [PANTING.]
: See? That's better.
See? Everything's gonna be fine.
Actually, things just got a whole lot worse.
What? AMBER Alert.
That's us.
Helman must've called it in.
MURDOC: Ooh-hoo, the old man's still got it.
We're not gonna make it to exfil.
We need some help.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
Get out.
What now? You want me to catch a pigeon? Actually, I can fix this.
What? I actually tried raising pigeons once.
- Shut up.
- What? It was when I was a boy.
JACK: If you want to talk just to hear yourself speak, Twisted Sister, go right ahead Doesn't mean I have to listen.
Columba livia domestica.
Hey, did you know that the domestic pigeon, unlike our dear darling Jack Dalton, is actually considered a highly intelligent creature? That's absolutely true.
No, no, no, I-I trained them to fly up to great altitudes, and then they'd swoop down into their cages.
[LAUGHING.]
: And once they mastered that, I started tying these little M-80 firecrackers to their legs and [IMITATES QUIET EXPLOSION.]
What's the matter with you? You like things that go boom.
I thought you'd like that story.
- Hey, Mac.
- Almost.
No, no, no, man, forget the phone.
Let me just kill him right here.
I'll make it quick.
- Oh, I'm done.
- Take a second Whoo! [GIGGLES.]
: Never gets old, - watching you, Angus.
- [LINE RINGS.]
It's so damned impressive.
- Mac, please tell me this is you.
- Hey, Matty.
We are on Route 65, mile 13, and we hit a bit of a snag.
Helman just called in an AMBER Alert on our vehicle.
We're gonna try and find another one, but we're in the middle of nowhere Can exfil come to us? - Yeah.
Sit tight.
I'll have a chopper there in - Guys, I got a cop car on satellite coming in hot.
Based on his roof markings, this cop's way out of his jurisdiction.
Of course he is.
The driver's the opposite of law enforcement, my dear Riley.
Helman has a penchant for stealing emergency vehicles.
This just keeps getting worse and worse.
Let me tell you something: we ain't outrunning no cop car in that pregnant roller skate.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING.]
Maybe we don't have to.
Come on.
Don't push.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[TURNS OFF ENGINE.]
[RADIO STATIC.]
Helman? [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING.]
You know, I love watching you work, MacGyver, but this is completely unnecessary.
I mean, you two are protecting me, supposedly.
It'd make no sense for me to run away.
Well, even if it did, now you can't.
Do we even know where this tin can is going? According to the manifest on those crates there, you're bound for the Port of Los Angeles.
So without getting into a literal junior high math problem, about 18 hours.
Yeah, as long as Helman doesn't factor into the equation.
Hey.
Don't be stupid.
Oh, I think you've got that part covered, Jack.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING.]
MURDOC: Oh, Angus, how goes the search for dear old Daddy? Making any headway? [SIGHS.]
Actually, yeah.
Yeah.
I found him living off the grid in the Montana backwoods.
It's not easy, since we barely know each other anymore, - but we're making an effort to patch things up.
- Mm-hmm, yeah, well, I see what you're doing there I like it.
- What? - No, no, no, no, I'm making up a story, then you're making up a story, oh! Didn't work for you either, pal.
I see right through you.
Come on, MacGyver.
For once, can we please just take the truth for a little walkie-walk? Okay, you first.
Why did you agree to kill your former mentor? Oh, wait.
Is it possible that I'm not the only one with daddy issues? [CHUCKLES.]
Touché.
I have an abundance of daddy issues.
They're just a different flavor from yours, MacGyver.
See, my father never abandoned me.
He stayed.
And well, I'll spare you all the gory details, but trust me when I say sometimes it's better to be abandoned.
For everyone.
But not in the case of Helman.
Am I right? You took it personally when he ditched you.
I suppose when Helman retired, I did take it a bit personally.
MacGyver, the man was an artist of death, someone that I greatly admired, and then he goes and he throws it all away for love? Like something I never could understand.
What do you think, MacGyver, do you know why your dad left? I used to think I did.
I told him I blamed him for my mom's death right before he left.
But you know what? I was a kid, I was hurting.
He had grown so distant after she'd passed, I just I guess I wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of him.
You ever consider murdering him? I don't want to get all Freudian on you, but there is absolutely nothing as cathartic as killing your own father.
Trust me.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR TRILLS.]
Sorry to keep you waiting.
It's been a hectic day.
Where's Riley? I want to see my daughter.
Well, that will have to wait till later.
- Riley is busy working.
- I don't mean to be rude, but why do you have me in this room? For your own safety.
What happened at MacGyver's house was very serious and should not be taken lightly.
And that much was very clear.
I recognize that this is a lot to take in, and I'm sure that you have questions.
She warned me not to ask them.
Well, I believe that at this point, it's more dangerous to leave you with questions than to cue you in on exactly what goes on here.
Come.
Take a walk with me.
After your incident last year, I ran a background check on you, just to be safe.
Which means that I can trust you with the information I'm about to share.
I don't know if I should be concerned or flattered.
It's okay to be a little bit of both.
To the outside world, the Phoenix Foundation is just a think tank.
But behind these walls, we are a U.
S.
intelligence agency tasked with taking down enemies of the state, stopping acts of terrorism, and saving lives all around the world wherever they are imperiled.
So this is where my daughter works.
Yes, sometimes.
And sometimes she's out in the field.
The field? Riley is a covert operative, part of an elite team.
So my daughter's a spy with the U.
S.
government who puts her life at risk all over the world, and I have Jack Dalton to thank for this? You have every right to be upset.
And all the reason to be proud.
The only thing I couldn't make was a spoon.
So you want to You want to drink some beans? That's disgusting.
No, I'm-I'm all beaned out.
Oh, if he doesn't want the beans, can I have them, MacGyver? What? They look like delicious beans.
Knock yourself out.
You realize you just gave him a weapon, don't you? What's he gonna do with a can of beans? Just keep an eye on him.
I let him get in my head earlier.
Yeah, well, that's what that fool does.
That's why you just got to ignore him, like I do.
Yeah, I know.
But it did get me thinking.
What if my dad doesn't really want to be found? Come on, man.
If that was the case, he wouldn't be breaking into your house, leaving you cryptic messages.
I don't know, but add that to the growing list of things that I don't know about my dad.
Including his connection to Matty.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm still a little foggy on that one.
Point is, I don't know why I'm wasting so much time and energy on someone who didn't care enough to stick around - in the first place.
- Right, right.
You know, I-I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but that's the way family works sometimes, man.
It can take a man years to realize he's made a mistake.
Is this about you now? Well, I thought you were done.
What [STAMMERS.]
It's Diane.
She's-she's skipping around in my head a little bit.
Hey, maybe that's a good thing.
Eh.
You two looked like you were having fun at the party.
Well, you know, before the assassin/schoolteacher showed up, I mean.
Yeah, that's partially why I left her the first time.
As much as I try to keep business out of personal, sooner or later that job comes a-knocking.
And I hate to break it to you, pal, but guys in our line of work, we don't get the fairy tale ending.
Doesn't mean you can't try.
Yeah.
[TRAIN BRAKES SQUEALING.]
Do you mind? The beans.
Wait a second.
We're 30 miles from the next stop.
Why are we slowing down? JACK: Because he found us, that's why.
[WHISTLE BLOWING.]
Well, we can't stay here.
Let's go.
- Can I have my can of beans? - Your b - Thank you.
- Fetch.
Whoa! [ALL GRUNTING.]
Well, so much for getting off that train before he spotted us.
More good news We can't get in.
Well, I can shoot it off there, but I think I better save some ammo for the Terminator.
No-no-no, I-I can get through this.
It's low-grade steel.
I just need a piece of, uh, heavy-duty, high-carbon steel All yours, MacGyver.
Don't do this.
Get 'em off him.
If there was a contest for all-time worst ideas, - this wins the blue ribbon.
- We don't have a choice.
Ditch that creepy smile.
[GRUNTS.]
Got it! Murdoc! Go! Where is he? I-I don't know.
You don't know? There's not one, but two psychopathic killers on the loose.
I got about six bullets left.
You just had to let him go.
Yeah, you were right.
About what? All-time worst idea ever.
Thank you.
- What's the plan there, homeslice? - I'm working on it.
Yeah, well, kick the neurons into hyperdrive, will you? I got about six bullets left.
- I heard you the first time.
- Yeah, the only reason I'm telling you is so you don't blame me when I can't save your skinny ass.
Well, if you can't save me, it's 'cause I'm dead, so there'll be no blaming, I can assure you.
Well, you're right.
That's a good point.
Yeah, that makes me feel a whole lot better.
- Not me.
- Oh, come on.
You know I'm not gonna let anything You know, just forget it.
Yeah, forget it.
That's a good idea.
You just had to let him go.
Stop.
I'm trying to focus.
Had to let him go.
[GRUNTS.]
I-I can work with this.
Yeah? Wh-What's the plan? Oh, yeah.
Uh, I'm gonna make a drop net trap.
It's the same one that's used on wild animals, but, uh, we're gonna lure Helman underneath it.
With what? - With live bait.
- Nice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the role of "live bait" will be played by your very own Jack Dalton.
Am I right? Just long enough for me to incapacitate him.
Yeah, okay, fine.
Hey, you want to hear something funny? Right now? Of all the reasons I want to live through this, you know the one thing that keeps popping in my little nugget? The Cowboys win the Super Bowl? You'd think so, right? Yeah, b-but no.
It's Diane.
I'm kind of ready to see where that might go, you know what I mean? That's romantic.
But maybe we should, uh, worry about surviving the two world's deadliest killers first, huh? All right, look.
I got this locked down.
I'm gonna set the trap.
You go find Helman and bring him this way.
Yeah, okay.
Good luck.
Save it for later.
Right.
[SCREAMS.]
[HELMAN GRUNTING.]
[PANTING.]
Well, well, well, MacGyver.
JACK: Hey! Drop it! I said drop it! Don't you move.
I just saved MacGyver's life, Jack.
You really think I want to take it now? You don't expect me to believe that, do you? No, Jack, he-he's telling the truth.
He's the only reason I'm alive.
What do you want? Huh? We both know you don't have a heart.
Even if you did, you wouldn't do anything out of the goodness of it.
Well, now that you mention it.
[GROANS.]
There is something that I would like in exchange for my bravery and heroism.
Something only you can give me.
I'm not in a wheelchair.
I I'm just trying to help.
Yeah, well, calm down.
Hey, everyone.
- BOZER: Hey, what's up? - RILEY: Welcome home, Mac.
MATTY: Hey, welcome home.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Nicholas Helman is dead, and Murdoc is back in custody.
Ooh.
Right to business.
I like it.
Well, it might not have been pretty, but at least it's a win.
Good job.
Does this mean we get a raise? No.
Diane, I heard Matty brought you to the Phoenix.
And-and you got to see what it is we actually do.
I did.
And-and I'm sure you're pretty pissed, but I just - I'm not complaining, but what was that for? - [LAUGHS.]
Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out the Phoenix of it all.
And believe me, we will return to this topic of you putting my daughter in harm's way.
But for now, I want to thank you for believing in Riley.
And for giving her a second chance.
Oh, you're welcome.
Even if it is a dangerous one.
- Well, to dangerous second chances.
- [LAUGHS.]
And not so dangerous.
So it looks like I'm back in the knife wound, bullet hole, shrapnel club.
I know, man.
- Through and through.
- Yeah.
Just enough to get you out of the way.
I still can't believe Murdoc saved your life.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah.
Well, as it turns out, there was something he wanted a lot more than seeing me dead.
Dad! I've been looking everywhere for you, buddy.
Want to see what I drew? Only more than anything.
Oh, wow, that's wonderful.
I have more.
Maybe you can show 'em to me later.
Are we going home? Do you still have that birthday present that I sent you? Perfect.
Do me a favor.
Can you put 'em on? Now play your favorite song.
Turn up the volume really loud and close your eyes.
And keep 'em closed real tight until I tell you to open 'em.
Okay? The best day of my life Everything is looking up, everybody up now This is gonna be the best day of my life My li-i-i-i-i-ife.
Hey, pal, Daddy has to make a quick stop before we get where we're going.
Do me a favor.
Put your headphones back on.
Hello, Henry.
I want you to know that I came for you first.
Fletcher? Mr.
Henry Fletcher? He's got a gun, Mac! RILEY: Looks like our boy Henry was quite the hit man.
JACK: Henry's on lockdown.
There's no sign of Murdoc anywhere in the city.
Henry! Such a pleasure to finally meet you.
- [GROANS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
See, I'm starting my own business venture.
A little collective, if you will.
And you are my first recruit.
- JACK: Jaguar! - BOZER: Panther! A wolverine! And not Hugh Jackman the animal.
- A bear! - A tiger! - Tiger-bear.
- Man, what the hell is a tiger-bear? - It's a criss-cross.
Had to kill one with my bare hands once.
- What? RILEY: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mac, we talked about this.
- No props.
- [MACGYVER SIGHS.]
I thought you said he was smart.
MATTY [IMITATES BUZZER.]
: Time's up! - What? - Girls rule.
- Boys don't.
- [WHOOPS.]
MACGYVER: Fridge.
- BOZER: What? - The word was refrigerator.
JACK: Refrigerator? BOZER: Mac, in what parallel dimension do refrigerators have claws? - You milking a cow? - MACGYVER: I was tracing the shape of the evaporator coils on the back of every refrigerator.
Nobody knows what that is, dude.
How are you a genius everywhere else - and so bad at this stuff? - BOZER: We discussed this, Mac.
Keep it simple and nontechnical.
It's charades, not How It's Made.
Yeah, I get lost in the details.
Fellas, let's go now.
- The girls are cleaning our clocks.
- I think you mean cleaned, Jack.
- The ladies have cleaned your clocks.
- We're going to 20, right? 17 to two, Jack.
So you're saying there's a chance? No.
Really, I'm just embarrassed for you at this point.
Embarrassed? Come on now, fellas.
- We're getting our second wind, right? - Right.
Oh, speaking of seconds, who wants a refill? - Me.
- JACK: Yeah, I'll help you.
You got to be drunk to figure out what he's doing.
And what's with that soap opera stopwatch? It's not regulation.
- It's an antique.
- MACGYVER: I like it.
Thank you.
Do you want to take it apart and see how it works? - BOZER: You're much better at that than charades.
- [LAUGHING.]
What's with the Kool-Aid smile? Oh, yeah! [CHUCKLES.]
It is amazing how much you amuse yourself.
But it's awesome how amused you guys are by my amusement.
I know what you're doing, Riley.
- I'm getting everyone refills.
- No, no.
Inviting your mom to charades tonight? It's just like when Susan and Sharon recreated their parents' first date at Martinelli's.
- Okay, try again, but with different words.
- The Parent Trap.
You might not be identical twins with yourself, but I know you invited your mom here tonight to try to rekindle whatever spark there might have been between us.
Who you think you are, Hayley Mills? You mean Lindsay Lohan? I'm not talking about the reboot.
Reboots never work.
That one worked.
The point is, I've seen the movie too many times.
- It's not going to happen.
- Okay.
Between Sarah last year and Dixie last week, - you've had your share of heartbreaks.
- [CHUCKLES.]
So has Mom.
Now that's she's thinking about moving back to L.
A.
, would it really be so bad if you two gave it another shot? - [DOORBELL RINGS.]
- I Saved by the pizza guy.
But think about it, yeah? Hi, does Angus MacGyver live here? Hands in the air.
On your knees.
On your knees.
You move and I'll kill you.
Shake him down, Bozer.
- Jack? - Mom, just stay behind me.
- What's going on? - We'll explain later.
- He's clean.
- Wow.
Murdoc was right.
You really do live here.
You know, it's-it's not very secure.
Where is Murdoc? He's probably just a distraction.
I know my word doesn't mean much, but I promise you, Murdoc is nowhere near us.
I came alone and unarmed.
- So why are you here? - We have something very important to discuss, and trust me, you're going to want to hear what I have to say.
Hey.
All right.
You know, this is all so unnecessary.
I just came here to show you something.
Then show us.
You said you'd explain later.
It's later, sweetie.
What's going on? Mom, I know you have a lot of questions.
I just need you to be patient right now, okay? [PAINED GRUNTING.]
Well, Murdoc sure doesn't look happy.
You'll regret this! Yeah, well, with Murdoc, looks can be deceiving.
Get me out! Now! What's this about? Revenge.
Well, before Murdoc recruited me into his growing collective, I had a pretty good life hiding in plain sight.
MATTY: Murdoc outed you.
Boo-hoo.
You're in the wrong place for sympathy, pal.
You said Murdoc recruited you to a collective.
- So there's more of you? - Yes.
And each one of them has a story just like mine.
JACK: Oh, come on.
You expect us to believe there's an anti-Justice League that got tired of the exposure and just turned on him? - Is that it? - Precisely.
And I'm here to offer you a deal.
In 12 hours, we are willing to hand Murdoc over to you.
All we ask in return is $10 million in cash and Oh, is that all? I'm not done.
The only agents allowed at the exchange are you two.
After the exchange, no one follows us.
We walk away clean.
I'll give you a few minutes to discuss, but the clock is ticking.
As you can imagine, we have other interested parties.
JACK: We don't need a few minutes.
This is a trap, plain and simple.
It might be, but it's also the best lead that we've had on Murdoc in months.
If there's even a remote chance that taking this deal leads him back to federal custody, well, then we have to take it.
BOZER: But what about this collective? Taking this deal means helping every killer Murdoc recruited go free.
And in exchange, we get Murdoc.
JACK: I can't believe you guys are actually considering this.
Huh? We're going to trust a former fifth-grade teacher/ professional killer? Why am I the only one feeling duped here? You're not, Jack.
But Murdoc is the big fish here.
So you're cool with this? Yes.
Well, you're making it hard to uphold that Wookiee life debt.
But if you're in, yeah, I'm in.
Let's do it.
Looks like you got yourself a deal.
But I promise you this If you double-cross us, you will be the very first person I hunt down.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Lovely.
I'll be in touch with the deets.
You mind? Get out of here.
See you tomorrow, gentlemen.
- Now could somebody tell me what's going on? - [DOOR SHUTS.]
We just made a deal with the Devil to catch Satan himself.
That's what's going on.
Think you brought enough stuff? For the doc? Hell no.
This whole thing still feels hinky to me.
You know, back in the day, there's a mutiny, make the guy walk the plank.
I mean, why would Fletcher just hand Murdoc over to us, huh? Want me to tell you why? 'Cause he wants us dead.
That's why.
It's a big old bear trap.
I know, Jack.
That's why you're not the only one who came prepared.
- You brought something, too, huh? - Yeah.
Please, tell me it's a death ray.
[SCOFFS.]
No.
It is a portable gas chromatograph.
So it takes, um, samples from the air and it scans them for explosive particulate matter.
So it's a bomb detector? - Yeah.
- Why didn't you say that? I-I thought I did.
No, you didn't.
[PHONE VIBRATES.]
I'm sorry that your mom got dragged into this.
How's she doing? On a scale from the time I got my belly button pierced to the time she got kidnapped by people who wanted me to hack the NSA? [CHUCKLES.]
Mainly she has a lot of questions I'm not allowed to answer.
But occupational hazard, right? Yeah.
JACK [OVER COMM.]
: Hey, Riley, what do you see at the location Fletcher gave? - [SIGNAL BREAKS UP.]
- What the hell just happened? You kidding me? I think the comms just went out.
I just lost all sat feed and cell signal in the area.
So, Mac and Jack are heading to a meeting with Murdoc, and at least one other psychopath, and we don't even have eyes on them? Cell phones are down, too.
It's got to be the collective.
I guess Fletcher was serious when he said just us.
Riley, I don't care what it takes, you get us eyes back on our boys.
Big old bear trap.
We know what we were getting into.
[MAKES TRAP SOUND.]
Aah! I'm not seeing anybody.
Your little doohickey picking anything up yet? No, but [ECHOING THUD.]
I think they're here.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING.]
Morning, gents.
I trust you two are alone.
As you can see, I am not.
But if you both behave yourselves, you get to go home with a prize.
Oh, MacGyver, how I have dreamed of our reunion.
Though my dream didn't include these.
Cash first.
Uh, how about no? You're not seeing one single dollar till we have Cuckoo-Ka-Choo in custody.
Well, I'm afraid that won't work.
You see, I don't trust you.
How can you not trust us? We're the good guys.
How about a show of good faith and we meet in the middle? Careful, Angus.
I'm quite ticklish.
[LAUGHS.]
Pleasure doing business with you.
Oh, and, Murdoc, if turning you in didn't pay so well, I'd have killed you myself.
Remember that.
Let's go.
You drive, Mac.
I got him.
Do me a favor, Looney Tunes.
Anything for you, Jack.
Ditch the creepy smile or I'll hop back there and slap it off your face.
I'm sensing some anger, Jack.
Still mad at me for killing your friend last Christmas? Oh, how was, uh, Cage's funeral, by the way? I meant to send flowers.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but she's still alive.
Yeah, I guess you'll have to erase that notch off your belt, fruit loop.
Really? That's surprising.
JACK: He just told you you're not nearly as good as you think you are, and by nightfall you'll be back in a ten-by-ten, so what are you smiling about? Just daydreaming.
Do you remember when you were a kid, and you'd be playing in your backyard, and you come across a spider, and you scoop it into your hand, take it inside, and you spend hours alone in your room pulling its legs off, one by one by one, until it can't move anymore.
And-and then just when this creature's reached peak terror, you'd squish it into jelly with your thumb.
Seriously? What? I'm the only one that did that? Does this disturbing trip down memory lane have a point? Of course.
There's always a point, MacGyver.
I am smiling, Jack, because when I catch those people who handed me over to you, I'm going to play with them the same way I did my spiders.
Let me shoot him.
- No.
- Please? I-I know in my heart it's the right thing to do.
You know, you have an inflated sense of your own importance there, Doc.
Mother always said I was special.
Let's go.
[MURDOC LAUGHS.]
Going for a ride in a whirlybird.
- #Fun.
- Zip it.
[DEVICE RAPIDLY BEEPING.]
What is that? Run.
Run! [ALL SCREAMING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Jack.
Jack.
You okay? I'm a little woozy, but I'm still breathing.
I'm fine, too, over here.
Thanks for asking.
Shut up.
Nobody cares.
Okay, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that was not an accident.
We got to get out of here.
JACK: Yeah, well, that thing's trashed.
We're not going anywhere in that.
Your insurance rates are going to absolutely skyrocket.
I thought I told you to [GUNSHOTS.]
Take cover now! [GRUNTS.]
Who is this guy? Friend of yours? We both know I don't have friends.
We got to get out of here now.
Go, go, go! [GRUNTS.]
[JACK SHOUTS.]
[CHUCKLING.]
Wait.
Hey, what's so funny? What are you laughing at? Huh? This was all part of your plan, wasn't it, crime genius, huh? Dangling yourself out there as bait to get us all blown up.
Ha, ha, ha, very funny.
Come on, Jackie boy, you know me better than that.
If I was behind this, you'd both be chained to that helicopter as it burned in midair, right, huh? I don't know.
Face-to-face, screaming in absolute terror as you plummet to a beautiful, fiery death.
What is the matter with you? I'm just spitballing here, but you get the point.
Come on.
If this was a double-cross, the worst one in the history of double-crosses.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fletcher took our money and he circled back to kill this toolbox himself.
And that's a win-win right there.
Wait, look, there's another possibility here.
Fletcher.
He said that there were other interested parties who wanted Murdoc, so maybe he went to someone else before he came to us.
JACK: Yeah, and then that certain someone tracked Fletcher to kill Murdoc himself.
It's a whole lot cheaper that way.
So the real question is, Murdoc, who wants you dead? Pull up a chair, boys, this could take a while.
We ain't pulling up no chair.
We're going to figure this out on the plane on the way back to the Phoenix.
Come on.
Take him.
- [GRUNTS.]
- I got him.
[SIGHS.]
Cell phone towers are still down.
Oh, great, so we're on our own with Murdoc and his soon-to-be-dead, unidentified friend.
Again, not my friend.
Well, whoever he is, he can't be far behind.
We need to figure out who we're dealing with here, Mac.
Pronto.
If we can take a picture of him and somehow get it to Phoenix, then they can run facial recognition.
How the hell we supposed to do that? We can't get close enough to the Terminator without being terminated.
[COUGHS.]
- What? - Set a trap.
Come on, nature photographers use lures to take photos of dangerous animals.
This is no different.
Draw the man out.
Set your camera to record and autosend and then when cell towers are working again, voilà , the video will wing its way across the country to dear Matilda.
Sound about right, Angus? Actually, that's exactly what I had in mind.
Great minds, MacGyver.
Great minds.
Jack, I need your phone.
No way, man.
Smash your own damn cell phone.
Mine got toasted when the helicopter went - snap-crackle-pop.
- Fellas, whatever we're planning on doing, You may want to hurry things along.
Hey, this way.
Who is this guy? [METAL CLANGING.]
People, I've got operatives in the field that I can't see or talk to.
Where are we on restoring my comms and sat feed? Um, the cell company just got two of their towers working again.
[COMPUTER CHIMES.]
Whoa, whoa, hang on.
Mac's phone just synced a large video file to the cloud.
MACGYVER: Okay.
Not sure if you guys are gonna get this before we're dead, but we still have Murdoc.
Someone's trying to kill us.
And if this works, you're about to get a real good look at him.
We need to go right now, buddy.
Let's go.
Okay, got it.
Fast-forward.
Okay, stop.
Take a screen grab and run that through facial rec.
We've got a new player in the game, and I want to know exactly who he is.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Okay, looks like cell phone service is back up.
We need to let the Phoenix know we're still alive.
Why don't you just kill that nice woman - and steal her cell phone? - No.
Fine.
I don't know how you two get anything accomplished.
We're in a public library.
We don't need a phone.
Hey, guys.
Mac, Jack.
It's a big relief to see you.
I'm sending you new exfil coordinates.
A team should be there in four hours.
Okay, good.
We'll lay low.
MURDOC: Matty.
Hi! I just want to say how nice it is seeing you again.
Shut it, Pennywise.
The adults are talking.
Did you guys get my video? BOZER: We did.
But we didn't get any hits on facial rec.
Maybe Murdoc knows him.
Send us the photo.
Oh! [LAUGHING.]
This is gonna be fun.
Matty, I think we're in business.
Our psycho recognizes your psycho.
Okay, who is this guy? Why does he want you dead? This is Nicholas Helman.
Is that name supposed to mean something? Mm-hmm.
Means you might as well start digging three graves because that's the man who trained me.
He taught me everything I know.
You think I'm bad? Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet.
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
JACK: Okay, so, what's the deal with this guy hunting you? There's got to be a good reason - he wants you dead so bad.
- It's quite sad, actually.
JACK: Is it? Helman and I were on a job together, taking out a senator's kids with a car bomb.
Standard stuff, really.
Helman was under the car securing the device, when the children came out early.
Now, this was a high-paying gig.
I didn't want to blow the paycheck, so I blew the explosives.
[GUN COCKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Helman was horrifically burned over 75% of his body.
It's a miracle he survived.
I mean, if you saw him, you'd admit the guy has got a face for telethons.
You know, we'd have better luck stopping him if you told us the truth.
The truth is irrelevant, MacGyver.
Helman wants us dead, we're dead.
But I can't say no to that face, Angus.
So here it is, the big truth.
Fresh out of high school, I wanted nothing more than to join the United States Army.
- They wouldn't have me.
- Oh, imagine that.
Something about spectacularly failing a psych exam.
- Oh, I'm shocked.
- Right? So, hopped the first flight out of the good old U.
S.
of A.
Joined the first army that would have me.
You joined a foreign military? I'm pretty sure that's treason.
See, I had a burgeoning interest in shooting people.
My new friends were willing to indulge me.
See, what the U.
S.
saw as a problem, my new friends saw as a gift.
So they sent me to train with Helman.
Why don't you fast-forward to the part where he wants to put your dumb ass in the ground.
I can think of two possible reasons.
One: I stiffed the guy on a bill at a diner in Lisbon.
Still owe him $13.
57.
Or two: I, uh, murdered his wife right in front of him.
Probably the second one, huh? - Safe bet.
- Mm-hmm.
So what happened? Well, after Helman had trained me and the country we'd sworn allegiance to ceased to exist, so we went to work for some very, very bad people.
Until one day, Helman met this woman and he fell in love and decided he wanted to quit the biz.
See, this isn't exactly the kind of job you just turn in your two weeks' notice.
So they sent you in to kill him.
Sure enough.
Remember when I said Helman was better than me? Let me guess you tried to kill him, missed, killed her instead, and he's been chasing you ever since.
[LAUGHS.]
: Ten points for Gryffindor, Angus! Whoo-hoo! Yeah, see, that's why I've never stayed in the same place for long I always figured Helman would catch up and make good on his promise to end me.
Looks like today's the day! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
All right.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Officer, but I think I know who stole that woman's van.
This is Officer Martinez.
I need to report a possible 207.
Hey, guys, I got an incoming switchboard patch from a caller who claims to be Nicholas Helman.
Put it on speaker.
Okay.
This is Director Matilda Webber.
To whom am I speaking? By now, I think you know exactly to whom you're speaking.
You're in charge? That's right.
Oh, good.
I have an offer.
Your two agents have no idea what they're stepping into the middle of.
So here's my proposal: you give me Dennis, and I'll let them live.
Dennis? Well, you might know him as Murdoc.
But it doesn't matter what is on his tombstone, because there will be a tombstone real soon.
The only question is, will there be three? MURDOC: Ooh.
I spy with my little eye something red.
No takers? Hmm.
Ooh, how about 20 questions? Ooh, the alphabet game.
Daddies, are we there yet? Shut up.
I suppose a pee-pee break's - out of the question.
- Shut up! Hey.
Just ignore him.
You were saying? About what? - Diane.
- What about her? You never finished.
Oh.
Yeah, well I-I don't know, dude, that was, like, a hundred miles ago, you know? Well, just talk about something.
Act like he's not there.
Okay.
To be honest, I do think about her and what could've been, but to be really honest, I think about, what if we tried again and I screwed it up? I always screw it up.
- You're talking about Riley? - Yes.
And I finally have Riley back in my life again - I don't want to lose her.
- Home Home on the range Where the deer - Can I shoot him? - No.
I-I know I don't have that many bullets left, but I guarantee he'll stop singing before I use 'em all.
He's trying to get a rise out of you.
I could pistol-whip him, huh? How about a pistol-whip, huh? A discourag How about a good pistol-whip?! Shut up! [PANTING.]
: See? That's better.
See? Everything's gonna be fine.
Actually, things just got a whole lot worse.
What? AMBER Alert.
That's us.
Helman must've called it in.
MURDOC: Ooh-hoo, the old man's still got it.
We're not gonna make it to exfil.
We need some help.
[TIRES SQUEAL.]
Get out.
What now? You want me to catch a pigeon? Actually, I can fix this.
What? I actually tried raising pigeons once.
- Shut up.
- What? It was when I was a boy.
JACK: If you want to talk just to hear yourself speak, Twisted Sister, go right ahead Doesn't mean I have to listen.
Columba livia domestica.
Hey, did you know that the domestic pigeon, unlike our dear darling Jack Dalton, is actually considered a highly intelligent creature? That's absolutely true.
No, no, no, I-I trained them to fly up to great altitudes, and then they'd swoop down into their cages.
[LAUGHING.]
: And once they mastered that, I started tying these little M-80 firecrackers to their legs and [IMITATES QUIET EXPLOSION.]
What's the matter with you? You like things that go boom.
I thought you'd like that story.
- Hey, Mac.
- Almost.
No, no, no, man, forget the phone.
Let me just kill him right here.
I'll make it quick.
- Oh, I'm done.
- Take a second Whoo! [GIGGLES.]
: Never gets old, - watching you, Angus.
- [LINE RINGS.]
It's so damned impressive.
- Mac, please tell me this is you.
- Hey, Matty.
We are on Route 65, mile 13, and we hit a bit of a snag.
Helman just called in an AMBER Alert on our vehicle.
We're gonna try and find another one, but we're in the middle of nowhere Can exfil come to us? - Yeah.
Sit tight.
I'll have a chopper there in - Guys, I got a cop car on satellite coming in hot.
Based on his roof markings, this cop's way out of his jurisdiction.
Of course he is.
The driver's the opposite of law enforcement, my dear Riley.
Helman has a penchant for stealing emergency vehicles.
This just keeps getting worse and worse.
Let me tell you something: we ain't outrunning no cop car in that pregnant roller skate.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING.]
Maybe we don't have to.
Come on.
Don't push.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[TURNS OFF ENGINE.]
[RADIO STATIC.]
Helman? [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING.]
You know, I love watching you work, MacGyver, but this is completely unnecessary.
I mean, you two are protecting me, supposedly.
It'd make no sense for me to run away.
Well, even if it did, now you can't.
Do we even know where this tin can is going? According to the manifest on those crates there, you're bound for the Port of Los Angeles.
So without getting into a literal junior high math problem, about 18 hours.
Yeah, as long as Helman doesn't factor into the equation.
Hey.
Don't be stupid.
Oh, I think you've got that part covered, Jack.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING.]
MURDOC: Oh, Angus, how goes the search for dear old Daddy? Making any headway? [SIGHS.]
Actually, yeah.
Yeah.
I found him living off the grid in the Montana backwoods.
It's not easy, since we barely know each other anymore, - but we're making an effort to patch things up.
- Mm-hmm, yeah, well, I see what you're doing there I like it.
- What? - No, no, no, no, I'm making up a story, then you're making up a story, oh! Didn't work for you either, pal.
I see right through you.
Come on, MacGyver.
For once, can we please just take the truth for a little walkie-walk? Okay, you first.
Why did you agree to kill your former mentor? Oh, wait.
Is it possible that I'm not the only one with daddy issues? [CHUCKLES.]
Touché.
I have an abundance of daddy issues.
They're just a different flavor from yours, MacGyver.
See, my father never abandoned me.
He stayed.
And well, I'll spare you all the gory details, but trust me when I say sometimes it's better to be abandoned.
For everyone.
But not in the case of Helman.
Am I right? You took it personally when he ditched you.
I suppose when Helman retired, I did take it a bit personally.
MacGyver, the man was an artist of death, someone that I greatly admired, and then he goes and he throws it all away for love? Like something I never could understand.
What do you think, MacGyver, do you know why your dad left? I used to think I did.
I told him I blamed him for my mom's death right before he left.
But you know what? I was a kid, I was hurting.
He had grown so distant after she'd passed, I just I guess I wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of him.
You ever consider murdering him? I don't want to get all Freudian on you, but there is absolutely nothing as cathartic as killing your own father.
Trust me.
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR TRILLS.]
Sorry to keep you waiting.
It's been a hectic day.
Where's Riley? I want to see my daughter.
Well, that will have to wait till later.
- Riley is busy working.
- I don't mean to be rude, but why do you have me in this room? For your own safety.
What happened at MacGyver's house was very serious and should not be taken lightly.
And that much was very clear.
I recognize that this is a lot to take in, and I'm sure that you have questions.
She warned me not to ask them.
Well, I believe that at this point, it's more dangerous to leave you with questions than to cue you in on exactly what goes on here.
Come.
Take a walk with me.
After your incident last year, I ran a background check on you, just to be safe.
Which means that I can trust you with the information I'm about to share.
I don't know if I should be concerned or flattered.
It's okay to be a little bit of both.
To the outside world, the Phoenix Foundation is just a think tank.
But behind these walls, we are a U.
S.
intelligence agency tasked with taking down enemies of the state, stopping acts of terrorism, and saving lives all around the world wherever they are imperiled.
So this is where my daughter works.
Yes, sometimes.
And sometimes she's out in the field.
The field? Riley is a covert operative, part of an elite team.
So my daughter's a spy with the U.
S.
government who puts her life at risk all over the world, and I have Jack Dalton to thank for this? You have every right to be upset.
And all the reason to be proud.
The only thing I couldn't make was a spoon.
So you want to You want to drink some beans? That's disgusting.
No, I'm-I'm all beaned out.
Oh, if he doesn't want the beans, can I have them, MacGyver? What? They look like delicious beans.
Knock yourself out.
You realize you just gave him a weapon, don't you? What's he gonna do with a can of beans? Just keep an eye on him.
I let him get in my head earlier.
Yeah, well, that's what that fool does.
That's why you just got to ignore him, like I do.
Yeah, I know.
But it did get me thinking.
What if my dad doesn't really want to be found? Come on, man.
If that was the case, he wouldn't be breaking into your house, leaving you cryptic messages.
I don't know, but add that to the growing list of things that I don't know about my dad.
Including his connection to Matty.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm still a little foggy on that one.
Point is, I don't know why I'm wasting so much time and energy on someone who didn't care enough to stick around - in the first place.
- Right, right.
You know, I-I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but that's the way family works sometimes, man.
It can take a man years to realize he's made a mistake.
Is this about you now? Well, I thought you were done.
What [STAMMERS.]
It's Diane.
She's-she's skipping around in my head a little bit.
Hey, maybe that's a good thing.
Eh.
You two looked like you were having fun at the party.
Well, you know, before the assassin/schoolteacher showed up, I mean.
Yeah, that's partially why I left her the first time.
As much as I try to keep business out of personal, sooner or later that job comes a-knocking.
And I hate to break it to you, pal, but guys in our line of work, we don't get the fairy tale ending.
Doesn't mean you can't try.
Yeah.
[TRAIN BRAKES SQUEALING.]
Do you mind? The beans.
Wait a second.
We're 30 miles from the next stop.
Why are we slowing down? JACK: Because he found us, that's why.
[WHISTLE BLOWING.]
Well, we can't stay here.
Let's go.
- Can I have my can of beans? - Your b - Thank you.
- Fetch.
Whoa! [ALL GRUNTING.]
Well, so much for getting off that train before he spotted us.
More good news We can't get in.
Well, I can shoot it off there, but I think I better save some ammo for the Terminator.
No-no-no, I-I can get through this.
It's low-grade steel.
I just need a piece of, uh, heavy-duty, high-carbon steel All yours, MacGyver.
Don't do this.
Get 'em off him.
If there was a contest for all-time worst ideas, - this wins the blue ribbon.
- We don't have a choice.
Ditch that creepy smile.
[GRUNTS.]
Got it! Murdoc! Go! Where is he? I-I don't know.
You don't know? There's not one, but two psychopathic killers on the loose.
I got about six bullets left.
You just had to let him go.
Yeah, you were right.
About what? All-time worst idea ever.
Thank you.
- What's the plan there, homeslice? - I'm working on it.
Yeah, well, kick the neurons into hyperdrive, will you? I got about six bullets left.
- I heard you the first time.
- Yeah, the only reason I'm telling you is so you don't blame me when I can't save your skinny ass.
Well, if you can't save me, it's 'cause I'm dead, so there'll be no blaming, I can assure you.
Well, you're right.
That's a good point.
Yeah, that makes me feel a whole lot better.
- Not me.
- Oh, come on.
You know I'm not gonna let anything You know, just forget it.
Yeah, forget it.
That's a good idea.
You just had to let him go.
Stop.
I'm trying to focus.
Had to let him go.
[GRUNTS.]
I-I can work with this.
Yeah? Wh-What's the plan? Oh, yeah.
Uh, I'm gonna make a drop net trap.
It's the same one that's used on wild animals, but, uh, we're gonna lure Helman underneath it.
With what? - With live bait.
- Nice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the role of "live bait" will be played by your very own Jack Dalton.
Am I right? Just long enough for me to incapacitate him.
Yeah, okay, fine.
Hey, you want to hear something funny? Right now? Of all the reasons I want to live through this, you know the one thing that keeps popping in my little nugget? The Cowboys win the Super Bowl? You'd think so, right? Yeah, b-but no.
It's Diane.
I'm kind of ready to see where that might go, you know what I mean? That's romantic.
But maybe we should, uh, worry about surviving the two world's deadliest killers first, huh? All right, look.
I got this locked down.
I'm gonna set the trap.
You go find Helman and bring him this way.
Yeah, okay.
Good luck.
Save it for later.
Right.
[SCREAMS.]
[HELMAN GRUNTING.]
[PANTING.]
Well, well, well, MacGyver.
JACK: Hey! Drop it! I said drop it! Don't you move.
I just saved MacGyver's life, Jack.
You really think I want to take it now? You don't expect me to believe that, do you? No, Jack, he-he's telling the truth.
He's the only reason I'm alive.
What do you want? Huh? We both know you don't have a heart.
Even if you did, you wouldn't do anything out of the goodness of it.
Well, now that you mention it.
[GROANS.]
There is something that I would like in exchange for my bravery and heroism.
Something only you can give me.
I'm not in a wheelchair.
I I'm just trying to help.
Yeah, well, calm down.
Hey, everyone.
- BOZER: Hey, what's up? - RILEY: Welcome home, Mac.
MATTY: Hey, welcome home.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Nicholas Helman is dead, and Murdoc is back in custody.
Ooh.
Right to business.
I like it.
Well, it might not have been pretty, but at least it's a win.
Good job.
Does this mean we get a raise? No.
Diane, I heard Matty brought you to the Phoenix.
And-and you got to see what it is we actually do.
I did.
And-and I'm sure you're pretty pissed, but I just - I'm not complaining, but what was that for? - [LAUGHS.]
Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out the Phoenix of it all.
And believe me, we will return to this topic of you putting my daughter in harm's way.
But for now, I want to thank you for believing in Riley.
And for giving her a second chance.
Oh, you're welcome.
Even if it is a dangerous one.
- Well, to dangerous second chances.
- [LAUGHS.]
And not so dangerous.
So it looks like I'm back in the knife wound, bullet hole, shrapnel club.
I know, man.
- Through and through.
- Yeah.
Just enough to get you out of the way.
I still can't believe Murdoc saved your life.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah.
Well, as it turns out, there was something he wanted a lot more than seeing me dead.
Dad! I've been looking everywhere for you, buddy.
Want to see what I drew? Only more than anything.
Oh, wow, that's wonderful.
I have more.
Maybe you can show 'em to me later.
Are we going home? Do you still have that birthday present that I sent you? Perfect.
Do me a favor.
Can you put 'em on? Now play your favorite song.
Turn up the volume really loud and close your eyes.
And keep 'em closed real tight until I tell you to open 'em.
Okay? The best day of my life Everything is looking up, everybody up now This is gonna be the best day of my life My li-i-i-i-i-ife.
Hey, pal, Daddy has to make a quick stop before we get where we're going.
Do me a favor.
Put your headphones back on.
Hello, Henry.
I want you to know that I came for you first.