The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s02e15 Episode Script

1
Damn, he's scary.
-Hey.
-What?
Bats aren't meant for fighting.
I'm heading to the baseball team.
-Oh, right
-Your face is misleading.
You joined the baseball team?
No, I'm just an alternate.
There's a game tomorrow.
Figured you were seduced
by the assistant's love letter
and decided to join them.
Right, that fake love letter.
Don't mention that, man.
For context on the fake love letter,
refer back to season 2, episode 11.
Should we go watch?
I do want to see that girl
who sent him the letter.
We have to make sure Nendo
doesn't cause the team any trouble.
Speaking of the baseball team,
Hiroshi Satou is on it.
He and Nendo are a toxic combination.
I have to protect Satou.
You guys came to watch?
-Three people?
-What?
I'm so glad you came!
Now sign here to join us.
This guy is really intense!
Sorry about that.
I thought you guys wanted to join us.
Feel free to observe and join us later.
-I won't.
-Compared to bland Satou,
this guy is intense.
You don't have enough members?
With Nendo, we barely have nine people.
But we're a solid team.
Like him, Agawa. He's our ace pitcher.
Our lead base stealer, Tashiro.
Third base, Takamiya.
Fukutoku, the catcher.
Kawashita, Satou, and Matsudani are unique
and make a fantastic addition to the team!
So, Satou's just an extra.
If only he were here,
we'd have the perfect team.
-Who is he?
-Don't worry about it.
Feel free to observe.
He'll keep asking us to join. Let's leave.
Good idea. Hey, Saiki, let's go.
-Saiki?
-So that's how it is.
This is great.
They're all
so cliché!
They're pretty much generic characters
from a sports anime.
Does Satou have the power to attract
complete clichés?
Looks like you've got nine members.
It's the principal!
You remember our promise, right?
What? Promise?
Regional prelims start tomorrow.
If you can't win a single game,
the baseball club will disband.
-No way!
-Even this plot is cliché.
-Captain, you never told us!
-I'm sorry.
After you caused such an incident,
you should be grateful
I'm even giving you this chance.
Was our principal always like this?
I look forward to tomorrow's game.
Are you guys all right?
What happened?
We used to have another member.
His name was Abe. He was our star player.
Last year, he got into a fight
with students from another school.
The baseball team had to withdraw
from tournaments for six months.
-What?
-A generic conflict.
I don't believe Abe is the kind of student
who would do such a thing?
Completely cliché and generic.
A plot where Abe comes back
to save the day.
We just need to win one game.
-Captain!
-It's our assistant!
-This is bad! Our first opponent is
-What?
Outei High School,
the team that's expected to win it all!
A generic match-up!
No, this is our chance.
What are you talking about?
We will have to face Outei eventually.
Our goal isn't to win just one game.
-It's to be champions!
-Cliché line!
You're confident for a newbie.
Cliché comeback!
-Outei has a 99,9% chance of victory.
-Cliché!
-So our chances of winning aren't zero!
-Cliché!
-Let's do our best!
-Generic!
Let's start running toward that sunset!
-Yes!
-That's more outdated than cliché.
Men are such idiots.
Don't overdo it, guys!
Even you two?
I'll leave before I get roped into this.
This isn't the generic I want.
-Captain!
-What?
Captain!
He got hit in the head!
Call an ambulance!
The clichés continue.
Generic sound effects.
Sugawara has lots of problems.
He needs time to recover.
-He can't play tomorrow.
-Cliché development.
What can we do?
The baseball team is through.
It's too early to give up.
-What
-Don't you start.
We can't play with just eight members.
We have nine.
Pal, help us out!
Right! We can do that!
What a cliché way to get roped in.
On the day of the game
Let's go. It's time.
Why are you wearing our uniform?
Isn't it obvious? I'm joining the team.
What? You must be kidding! Why you?
I volunteered to fill in.
-Rejoice. Now your team will include me,
-Saiki, you said you will join us.
-Come on!
-Shun Kaido.
He injured his finger last night.
-Seriously?
-Actually, all five fingers.
How?
-How about you join?
-Me?
Cut it out, Kuboyasu!
It's a spiked bat.
-Die!
-Don't do it!
I don't have the right to hold a bat.
How come?
Looks like you need my help after all.
The opposing team is really good.
Our team will lose anyway,
so they can let Kaido play.
No. This won't work.
Okay, I got
BALL, BALLS
BIG BANG!
This definitely won't work.
SHUN KAIDO, UNRECOVERABLE!
Listen up!
Our opponent is Outei High School.
Our chances are slim.
-Let's do this!
-I'm glad Kuboyasu filled in.
I sense a storm coming.
Go home.
Outei High School is here.
Wait, they're all alternates!
-What?
-A generic development.
Satou's power to attract normalcy
extended even to the other team.
-Fine, then, let's do this.
-Here comes a cliché line.
With our strength, we can
-beat these guys.
-We'll act like their alternates are tough
so they won't bring in
their first-stringers.
Lame strategy.
What? No way!
-Well, Nendo might be right.
-We should make them play!
-It's over if we lose.
-Right?
Not a cliché? What's going on?
That's smart of you.
-I see.
-Right?
With Nendo and Kuboyasu on the team,
they deviated from clichés.
They're so abnormal that they're immune
to Satou's influence.
Good. I was worried
that this game would be clichés
from start to finish.
Those shows are only interesting
when the characters have backstories.
This boring cast wouldn't
make for a good show at all.
Play ball!
Will this work out, though?
Oh, wait.
These guys don't have a chance of winning
because we've already deviated
from the script of clichés.
The pitcher, Agawa,
is impressive enough
that Outei came to recruit him.
Normally, he wouldn't lose
to Outei's alternates,
-but because we've deviated from clichés,
-I can't go on.
-he's off his game.
-Let's go home.
Wow, he's weak.
At this rate, they'll definitely lose.
This isn't cliché.
A strong team sends in its alternates,
aiming for a close match and barely win,
-but still lose.
-What? Hold on.
The principal's threat,
the captain's accident
If this goes on, this game
The clichéd story.
The opponent sends in alternates,
who are quickly beat,
replaced,
and the opponent makes a comeback.
In a moment of desperation,
the former star player returns,
With two outs and bases loaded,
the captain returns
for a miracle comeback!
Wouldn't they have won?
No.
What?
A home run by their third batter!
Let's look back
where we deviated from the script.
Is it because Nendo joined?
No, the appearance of an alternate
is still cliché.
Is it because I joined
after the captain's injury?
No, the accident and filling in for them
are both clichés.
I'm the protagonist,
making it more generic.
But having injured five fingers
so that there
-will be another substitute?
-Hey guys!
That's not a cliché at all.
Is this my fault?
These are all guesses.
It has nothing to do with me.
Let's check in on the captain.
You can't leave!
Let me go! I'm the captain!
-It'll take two hours from here!
-I have to go!
Which would mean he gets here
during the ninth inning.
Wait, that means he should be here too.
-Agawa, what are you doing?
-That's him!
You can do better than this.
Damn! If it weren't for that incident!
The former ace
who was held responsible for a fight.
If we're going by clichés,
I knew he would show up.
-We can't let our summer end like this!
-Yes! If he shows himself,
-we'll be back to clichés.
-Another home run!
I guess this is it.
-Don't give up!
-Saiki, where are you going?
If I don't return things back to clichés,
it's all over.
Again?
Foul ball!
Our team is done for.
If only Abe were here
Wait. No way!
-Abe!
-I'll pitch.
-You're bleeding!
-I'm borrowing this body
to return things to clichés again.
-Abe, you came back!
-Abe!
We've been waiting.
Pitching change!
All right.
This is quite the cliché now.
I wanted to wait,
-but it can't be helped.
-Am I out already?
I've taken care of one problem now.
This is fine.
My goal isn't to win,
it's to play along with the clichés.
They're just alternates.
They won't hit any of my pitches.
Strike!
-The new pitcher is good!
-That's about high-school level.
-Time out!
-What?
What's with you, Abe?
When did you learn how to pitch like that?
Abe, your curve balls were impressive,
but you haven't thrown a single one yet.
-Oh, he was one of those.
-What's up with you?
And your form isn't flashy
like it used to be.
I didn't think of that.
-It's weird.
-Did he figure it out?
So, you were doing some secret training!
What?
Good, we're back to clichés.
But I have to be careful from here on.
TASHIRO, LEAD-OFF BATTER
Time for a comeback!
Right to the pitcher!
And one out
-What?
-Safe!
-What was that?
-I was hoping to make it to second base.
Nice cliché.
Chance of a high fastball
A hit!
-It's our turn now!
-Another hit!
No outs, bases loaded!
Good. Loaded with clichés.
PK Academy, number four,
-Nendo!
-I'll hammer this out!
-Hit it!
-All right!
It's you.
I'll hammer this out!
This is an important moment.
Will this turn out okay?
-I got this!
-Although athleticism
-is his redeeming quality,
-I'll take care of this! Yeah!
-he should easily hit a home run
-I'll hammer this out!
Oh, right.
I'll use the captain's bat.
Cliché.
He's playing by the script pretty nicely.
That's my bat, though.
Never mind.
Bring it on!
That idiot. Deviating from the script.
Besides, the first inning is too soon
for that cliché!
-He declared a home run!
-That is cliché, but
That's my bat, though.
I've used that bat for other things,
so it's pretty beat up.
Don't reuse a spiked bat!
It just might break.
That's not good.
-Nendo, don't swing!
-I've got this!
-What?
-The bat broke!
What? Where's the ball?
-Home run.
-Seriously?
Wow, he did it!
A home run. Is this still cliché?
Feels like it's too much.
-And then
-A hit!
Fukutoku gets another hit
and brings in a run to take the lead.
They even score more runs
in the second and third innings.
Outei struggles against Abe,
the ace pitcher.
The score is 13-4
in the bottom of the fourth inning.
Outei High School finally makes a move,
-sending in its first-string team.
-Finally, the real team!
They've finally come.
This is where the real fight begins.
Going by clichés,
this is where Outei counterattacks.
They'll make their comeback
in this inning or the next.
The pitcher becomes too exhausted to go on
and entrusts the rest
to the new ace, Agawa.
Perfect.
From here on, they get hits like crazy.
A hit! He can't react fast enough!
Their revenge begins.
-Out!
-Cut it out.
-Idiot. Now's not our time to shine.
-That shortstop is incredible!
Don't interfere.
-Another hit!
-That's a big one!
-Out!
-You're the shortstop!
This team can't win
unless we abide by clichés.
Out!
Three outs! Inning over.
I need to make it in time.
Captain, why are you here?
It's you. What's the score?
Oh, the game is over.
I wasn't needed here.
We got ten runs in the fifth.
It was a forfeit.
Despite breaking clichés,
we would've won regardless with Nendo.
Welcome. How many?
Ten of us.
I'm starving.
-The generic plot continues?
-Kawashita needs the toilet.
Satou, you order for us.
Wow, let's see.
Okay, then galbi and beef tongue!
And the skirt steak.
Generic! Good job, Satou.
It's here!
-Looks amazing.
-Keep it coming!
-Hey you!
-Here it comes.
Not all at once! The grill will cool!
-Cliché number one.
-Cook the tongue meat first!
-Matsudani, what's wrong?
-Kusuo, it will burn.
Agawa, you're not eating?
I don't eat anything after 7:00 pm.
Cliché number two.
It's great that you're conscientious,
but you should eat something.
As long as you're careful not
to eat too much fat,
meat is healthy.
It contains plenty of protein and creatine
-Cliché number three.
-and other amino acids.
It's healthy. That's too much, though.
-Cliché number four.
-Ten more orders!
-You might have a point
-Mine!
-I steal meat like I steal bases.
-Cliché number five.
Don't let your guard down.
Generic. It doesn't affect anything,
but I'm still
-keeping track.
-Your meat's burnt.
All that's left is
-You said you weren't eating!
-Are those preschoolers? What a racket.
-What?
-What?
Seiryo High School?
-Cliché number six.
-Why are you here
Ten more orders of galbi!
-Twenty orders here!
-What?
-Cliché number seven.
-Hey. Take your charred meat already.
-Don't you lose to them!
-Eat like mad!
Yes! Go!
I have to do it.
Demon Thighs, Thunder Flash!
It's that technique he created
-Cliché number eight.
-Thunder Flash!
-Never heard of that move, though.
-Faster!
-What's that?
-Go!
The double grab
that gave us such trouble last time!
I don't even recognize that guy.
Leave it to me.
Agawa! Don't tell me you're going to
-That's right!
-You're throwing it?
The move that Agawa showed off
during regionals.
Fire Ball!
-It's on fire!
-That's not possible.
What will we do?
Who can catch the pitcher's ball?
-What?
-That's the catcher's job!
He caught it!
-Cyclone!
-You just ate it.
No way!
I'm sorry, but we're all out of meat.
-The results?
-It's 18 dishes
-to 18 dishes.
-It's a tie!
Damn. I was close too.
We'll have to wait
until our next game to settle this.
-All right!
-A generic end.
Your bill comes out to 139,600 yen.
-No way!
-And a generic punchline.
It's finally over. Back to my meal.
What is this black substance?
The meat you were grilling.
We ate the rest.
That was delicious!
Another generic punchline.
Thanks for the meal!
I always took this for granted.
Like water or air.
It's been around forever.
But all things must come to an end.
I didn't realize
-until I had lost something valuable.
-KochiKame is over?
On September 17, 2016,
in 2016 volume 42 of Weekly Shonen Jump,
a shocking event occurred.
Written by Osamu Akimoto,
Kochira Katsushika-ku Kameari
Kōen-mae Hashutsujo
released its final chapter.
That shocking news
spread throughout Japan,
surprising both men and women,
the young and the elderly.
I can't believe this.
-There's no way.
-What?
-I guess Mom just heard too.
-That can't be true!
-I always took it for granted.
-What's going on here?
Ku, your father has something to tell you.
But all things come to an end.
My company is going out of business.
I'm unemployed.
-Okay.
-Why aren't you surprised?
Anyway, did you hear? KochiKame is over.
That's more important?
There's still 80 years left
on the mortgage.
Even if you were employed,
that wouldn't solve that issue.
Well, I figured you and Kusuke could help.
Why did we need such a big house, anyway?
You know, don't you?
Kusuke gave us this house.
It's yours.
But I couldn't just accept it for free,
so I bought it.
I should have just taken it.
Good grief. You brought this on yourself.
Why did we end up needing a new house?
It was because you messed up
at your last school, Kusuo.
Didn't you transfer three times?
Kusuke! You're home!
I couldn't believe the news.
-To think that KochiKame is over.
-Forget it!
I'm kidding. So, your company went under?
-Don't worry.
-So nonchalant.
-Any job openings?
-I started searching yesterday,
-but the economy's bad right now.
-I'm great at licking shoes!
-There aren't any good jobs.
-I'm sure.
How horrible. I know that any shoe
you lick is sparkling clean.
-Right!
-Come on.
If there aren't any job openings for me,
I'll make one myself.
What?
THE NEXT DAY
I lick shoes! Any takers?
Our father is, well, unique.
For sure.
-You two!
-Hey, Dad.
But is it sanitary to lick shoes?
I just pretend to lick them, obviously.
Excuse me.
Wow, what a wonderful shoe!
It'll be clean very soon.
-That's the man who raised us.
-Don't talk.
Well, that's about it.
You were definitely licking that shoe.
I'm sure you can't tell as an amateur.
It looks like I was licking it,
but my tongue didn't touch it at all.
They're fake licks.
While pretending to lick them,
I block his line of vision
and use a hidden rag
to actually clean his shoe.
This is the one skill I've developed
in 15 years in the workforce.
What a waste of 15 years.
I can make a living off of this!
Excuse me, can you do both feet?
-Both feet
-Yes?
-Mr. Shiragami!
-Mr. Saiki?
-Who's that?
-A manga artist.
That artist used to be
one of Dad's clients.
-I see. Goodbye.
-Excuse me
-I have something to discuss with him.
-What?
The shoe licking business got its break.
The shoe licker became a huge hit.
This was because Kusuke had hired
an artist to draw a manga entitled,
The Shoe-Licking King, Namekichi.
The plot revolved around a man
who licked shoes to support his family
and became a huge hit.
The Shoe-Licking King, Namekichi
became a drama series and an anime.
Kuniharu's shop became a success.
I'm glad business is booming,
but my jaw
Dad, use this.
What is this?
The shoe licker. It licks shoes for you.
Put your foot in its mouth,
and it'll clean your shoe with its tongue.
This will fly off the shelves!
The shoe licker did fly off the shelves.
Foreign celebrities came to buy them
as souvenirs,
and department stores and hotels
began to install them.
Every house had a house licker.
This turn of events
feels awfully familiar.
Business is booming,
and I can't stop smiling!
Those eyebrows feel
awfully familiar as well.
Hey, Dad.
You haven't been licking shoes yourself
much lately.
What are you talking about?
I have enough money to live comfortably
for the rest of my days.
A manager at my former company
came by yesterday,
saying that the company was fine now
and offered me a job.
-But I turned him away.
-I will if you lick my shoes.
After all, I have the shoe licker now!
What do you mean?
The shoe licker is copyrighted
by my company,
so none of the profits go to you.
What?
Also, I donated all the profits
to another company.
Another company?
A publishing company.
I beg you! Please let me work here again!
You've gotten bad at licking shoes.
All is well that ends well.
Which part of this ended well?
April 15.
Just a normal day for most people.
But for one individual,
it was an important day.
Hey, Mera.
It's your birthday, right?
This is for you.
Wow, really?
Thank you!
How did you know it was today?
Well
Today is Mera's birthday.
Did you give her something?
No, I didn't. I don't know her that well.
-Right.
-Did you say something about me?
Well, Mera, is it your birthday?
It certainly is!
Happy birthday, then.
-You'll celebrate it with me?
-Well
I'm so happy! To think that Takeda
will help me celebrate.
Do you have anything for me?
Thank you so much!
What a shakedown.
Good grief. I know that
Mera's family isn't well off,
so they have to pinch pennies,
but how much does she want?
Takeda and Matushita.
Seven more from this class,
and more than half from that class.
She's going through all the classes.
I mean, it's not like she did anything
for my birthday!
But actually, that reminds me.
Think back to your birthday.
Oh!
I have a memory of that too.
Last year on August 16, my birthday,
she stopped by my house
in the middle of summer,
to give me a birthday present.
Today is your birthday, right?
This isn't much,
but here, an acorn.
I wished good luck into it,
so you can keep it.
It really wasn't much.
-That acorn.
-So, you too.
Mera planted her seeds all last year
so she could reap them all today.
To think that just an acorn each
would lead to so much profit.
The rest in Class Three, like Chiyo
and Hairo, are my friends anyway,
so I've hit a goldmine.
Chisato! Happy birthday! This is for you!
Wow, what is it?
You really tore through that wrapping.
Macaroons! Thanks, Chiyo! I love these.
Oh, no, those are soap bars.
They smell great.
Oh, okay.
Yes, thanks a lot.
Don't be obviously disappointed.
Oh, don't you like them?
No, I do!
We don't have a shower,
but I'll try to use them.
Come on, Mera.
Don't complain about
your friend's present.
These things happen.
-Next is
-Mera!
Happy birthday! It's today, right?
It is! And so?
Great.
You gave me an acorn before,
so I brought you a present.
It's not much,
but I know your family
is having a tough time,
so you have to be strong.
To help you with that
I sense food!
I brought you dumbbells! Train with these.
-Damn it.
-Still too transparent.
You don't like them?
No, of course, I do!
I don't know why it would be fun
to lift heavy objects for no money,
but thanks!
I almost didn't hold back.
You didn't hold back.
The only ones left in this class are
Mera, happy birthday.
I brought you a little something today,
but I don't know if you'll like it.
I figured you'd want
something food-related.
This is
I know you like eating, so,
Mera, do you like crabs?
Yes! This is it!
I do! Sometimes,
I wake up wishing I were a crab.
I love them!
I'm glad. Here's a spoon
to scoop crab meat with.
And crab scissors too.
-Utensils?
-What?
-I'm sorry. You don't like them?
-No, it's not that.
It's just that I don't know
if I'll ever have a chance to eat crab.
And if I did,
I would just eat the shell anyway.
Give us a break!
Quit complaining
about the presents you're getting!
Chisato, that's really rude.
I'm taking this back!
-That attitude is awful.
-Hey, wait.
-Me too.
-My bread crust!
-Same here.
-My bean sprouts!
You got worked up over those?
Let's go.
You deserved that.
You manipulated people
into giving you presents.
Sorry, but I can't sympathize.
I'm an idiot.
I did a terrible thing.
But I thought at least for today,
I'd treat my siblings and parents
to a full meal
so we wouldn't think about money.
I guess
I don't deserve such a celebration.
Mera is too much.
What is that?
A cheese fondue pot.
You were going to give her that?
I don't really use it anymore, so
What a fall!
Hey. Are you all right?
That hurt.
What? I'm fine.
The acorn that Mera gave me is broken!
Did it break my fall?
Wow! It's actually useful?
-Actually, I'll give you this!
-Me too!
-What?
-Happy birthday!
Thanks, everyone!
Well,
I guess I'll get her something too.
NEXT TIME
Saiki! He's not here.
He's usually here, though. Where is he?
Oh, you want next week's synopsis?
Imu Rifuta, a present from my brother,
ghosts, 100 Yen Man, and secret base.
Stay tuned.
-What?
-Nice work, Teruhashi.
Subtitle translation by Takuya Sawaoka