The O.C. (2003) s02e15 Episode Script

Ryan? Buddy, come on.
Look, I know you're bummed that|Lindsay left, but you can't live like this.
Hey.
Do you remember when Summer|was leaving for Italy with Zach you refused to let me stay|bedridden and depressed? No, I didn't.
I gave you your space,|said do what you have to do.
True, but right now|what I have to do is help you.
So, what can I do? Level with me.
|Ask, and it shall be yours.
Fine.
You, leaving right now.
Okay, anything but that.
Hey, what about Captain Oats? Seen the way you look at him.
Say the|word and your pool house is his manger.
- Seth-|- Speaking of which, are you getting sick of the pool house? We can switch rooms.
|You can have mine.
We thought you'd like the privacy.
I like the privacy.
I would|like some right now.
What about a nice private booth|at our favorite diner, huh? Cup of coffee, short stack,|a little syrup, side of bacon - Seth|- extra crispy like the man likes it.
- Maybe those nice little sausage patties.
|- Seth, shut up! Please.
This thing with Lindsay is different.
- Different how?|- Different, as in not fixed by pancakes.
And don't ask me how|I feel about waffles.
Got it.
- I don't mean to take this out on you.
|- No, it's fine.
That's what I'm here for.
I've just had a lot of people|in my life who just left.
I thought those days were gone,|but I guess they aren't.
Okay.
All right, well, I'm just gonna leave.
Not leave, but you know|what I'm saying.
I can get you something to go.
|It's stupid.
Okay.
- Hey, honey.
|- Hey.
Oh, right, coffee.
Thanks.
- Oh, hey, I thought you were-|- No, no, no.
It's my fault.
Let me- Everything's gonna be fine.
If we act like nothing happened,|then it'll be as if- Nothing happened.
Where's your ring? Two carats, platinum setting, lives|on your left hand, second finger.
I can't find it.
- You never take that ring off.
|- That's not true.
Sometimes when I'm washing the dishes|or gardening I leave it by the sink.
I bet it fell in.
|I bet it's stuck in the drain.
I'll call the plumber tomorrow.
I'm sure it's not lost.
- Hey.
|- Hi.
- Wait a sec.
|- But I've been waiting.
I know.
I'm afraid we have|a man down though.
This thing with Lindsay has|just really kicked Ryan's ass.
It's a good thing we're like the Marines.
- How are we like the Marines?|- We leave no man behind.
Lindsay may have turned|her back on Ryan, but we won't.
You have got to cheer him up.
|Semper fi.
- "Semper fi.
" That's so cute.
|- Yeah.
Wait.
That has to wait.
|Plans and action.
I'm gonna ask Marissa to the mall.
|Maybe you guys can come.
- The mall? That would cheer him up.
|- Well All right, fine, I will ask him|to the mall.
You know what? Now that you and I are back together|and Lindsay's out of the picture maybe Marissa and Ryan|might get it together.
Are you crazy? They were,|like, the worst couple ever.
And besides, Marissa's happy now.
Okay, and by "happy" you mean-|You mean "gay.
" That's funny.
Our clothes are all pink.
Pink is the new black.
I read it in W.
Well, I mean, separating your whites?|Who knew? Everyone who's ever had|to do their own laundry.
Look, I'm sorry.
We'll get new stuff.
With what? You found|an after-school job? I'm working on it.
Well, lucky for you,|I look really good in pink.
Maybe today we could do|something fun.
It's the weekend.
Maybe we could go to the beach.
|Or the pier.
That sounds great.
And I would|love to, but I have to work.
Maybe tonight I can pick up some|takeout, and we can go sit by the water? - Okay, sounds good.
|- Okay, good.
If a big fat guy with|an "I heart NASCAR" tattoo shows up don't answer the door, because he's|our landlord, and we're late on rent.
Bye.
Sanford.
Glad to see you've finally|found your calling.
- Where's Kiki?|- Kirsten's at the office with your wife.
They're working on the magazine.
I must tell you I'm really disturbed|by Lindsay's departure.
Must you tell me? Isn't there|anyone else you can tell? I lost my daughter.
I'm sorry, Cal.
If you wanna talk, I'll listen.
Hate to admit it, but I really screwed up.
Hand me the pliers.
Why can't I edit my own magazine? You've never edited a magazine.
Yeah, but why this guy? He launched|a magazine called The Ugly American.
I've heard of that.
It's an independent travel magazine.
|It won a bunch of awards.
Fine, but our magazine is|about beautiful Americans.
She works here.
She's like the big boss.
Julie, promise me that|you will make the best of it.
Julie Cooper.
Or is it Nichol now? I'm sorry, Mrs.
Cooper-Nichol|is behind closed doors.
Well, tell her Lance|stopped by looking for her.
She knows me.
A little blast from the past.
Julie? - Did you hear a word that I just said?|- Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
I couldn't have said it|better myself.
That girl really got to me.
I worry about her all the time.
How she is, what she's doing.
I was watching a peanut butter|commercial on television.
I was blubbering like a baby.
Well, there's nothing like|a good cry to release the tension.
- Is the wrench over there?|- What are you doing, anyway? I'm looking for Kirsten's wedding ring.
Oh, Father, I'm glad to see you|finally found your calling.
- Exactly what I said.
|- Nothing like a crack about a plumber.
Plumber, crack.
That's funny.
Ryan buddy? You in the latrine, soldier? Hey, Summer.
I thought you were this|guy with an "I heart NASCAR" tattoo.
Okay, not asking why.
What is that earthy, musky smell?|Potpourri? No, that's skunked beer.
Hey, it must be awesome|to get away from your mom, huh? Be out of Caleb's mansion? Totally.
I don't miss it at all.
So I'm sure that you have, like, these|really cool, edgy plans with Alex today.
But I have to go to the mall|for the clothing drive.
- Battered women's shelter.
|- The mall? Sounds great.
Let me just grab my purse.
Bus 5675, Fort Irwin, now boarding.
I hope you brought a lot of snacks.
It's a long ride to Chicago.
- I forgot you were an expert.
|- Oh, dude, running away? - That's very Seth Cohen.
|- No, I'm not I mean, I am, but I'm coming back.
I just thought I'd show up for|the weekend, you know, surprise her.
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
I think|Lindsay's had enough surprises.
You should really try|and give it some time.
How? How am I supposed to do that? Well, for starters,|you can keep yourself distracted.
Marissa and Summer are heading to the|mall to pick up some clothes for charity.
Think about what's at the mall.
There's|a movie theater.
There's an arcade.
There's a CPK featuring exotic toppings from around|the world on a seasoned, herbed crust.
And I'll tell you this much.
|If by tomorrow morning you still wanna go to Chicago,|I promise you I will drive you|to the bus stop myself and I will generate a fantastic|cover story for the parents.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
|- Good.
It's settled.
Bus 5675 to Fort Irwin, now boarding.
I'm saving Private Ryan.
- Home, sweet home.
|- Sweet, sweet shopping.
Twenty-four hours, buddy.
|You' re gonna feel like a new man.
- How's our trooper?|- Oh, our work's not done yet.
Hey.
The Tower of Pisa,|that's in Italy, right? Ryan and Marissa alone?|It's awkward.
Let's go.
So the stuff for|the battered women's shelter is in those boxes and on this rack.
- Thanks.
|- As if those poor women's lives weren't hard enough.
Someone should get a restraining order|against that coat.
Oh, we close early today,|so don't take too long.
Okay.
Looks like somebody missed|the sensitivity training seminar.
You guys, this is gonna be|so much fun, though.
It's like we have|a backstage pass to the mall.
"Backstage pass to the mall.
"|Summer, come here.
That's so cute.
I'll take pants.
You take sweaters.
- Sounds perfect.
|- Great.
You think we should put your photo|on the cover every month? Maybe sometimes we could show|Newport.
A house, the beach.
What's the incentive to buy|the magazine? If people wanna see the beach, they can go there.
That would just be wrong.
- Hi, Carter.
I'm Kirsten.
|- Hi.
- This is Julie.
|- A pleasure to meet you both.
Julie Cooper-Nichol, CEO of the Newport|Group and founder of Newport Living.
What Julie meant to say was that|she is also pleased to meet you.
Look, I don't know you,|and I'm not going to lie to you.
- This magazine is about us.
|- It's really more about her.
And people who aspire|to be like us.
We don't need some outsider coming in,|telling us what to do.
No offense.
None taken.
I don't wanna be here|any more than you want me here.
- You don't?|- Why, what's wrong with here? I don't think the world needs|more proclamations about - how Mukluks are the new Uggs.
|- Our bar's not that low.
He's right about Mukluks.
Look, this can be painless.
I know that you resent the publisher|foisting me on your magazine.
I resent being foisted.
May this be the first of many things|we have in common.
We'll sit down a couple of times|a week, you do what you want and I'll go with my paycheck.
Now who wants a cocktail? - Sorry about the ring, Sanford.
|- Starr? Come, come.
Never picked you|for a rum man.
Thank you.
Thank you for your help as much as I resisted it.
Your support|has been alarmingly genuine.
Well, what you're doing is|a nice thing for Kiki.
Guess I figured making|one daughter happy might take the edge off|hurting the other one.
- Oh, I don't know if that's possible.
|- How would you know Mr.
Self-Righteous-I-Never-|Hurt-People-I-Only-Help-Them? I hurt Kirsten.
What did you do? An old relationship|came back into my life.
- You had an affair.
|- No.
But this woman, Rebecca, was|very important to me once and having her around took|a real toll on me and my marriage.
So I'm trying to make it up to Kirsten.
Hence my foray into plumbing.
That ring means a lot to her.
Well, it took me a long time to|save up enough money to buy it.
If memory serves, you proposed using|a prize from a Cracker Jack box.
It wasn't from a Cracker Jack box.
I won that ring from|the Cliff House Arcade in San Francisco.
And my beautiful daughter|walked around for years with a hunk of plastic on her finger.
Marissa? Hey, it's Marissa.
Leave a message.
Hey.
House isn't broken into, so I'm assuming|you haven't been abducted, but I guess I'm gonna jump|in the shower.
Call me.
Stop.
Wait, it's acrylic.
|I'm gonna break out.
"Break out.
" You're so cute.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
So how are you? With Lindsay and everything? Honestly, I'm not so good.
|How about you? - Thrilled to get out of the house.
|- Yeah? You back to your mom's? No, Alex's.
I mean, our place, I guess.
- Guys, I think we're stuck in here.
|- That clueless sales skank.
- She probably did it on purpose.
|- Well, let's just call someone.
- Help!|- On the phone.
Yeah, except there is no phone.
I have- There's no cell service.
|Wait, I have an idea.
Oh, good idea.
Here you go, buddy.
|Go to town.
Now, why would you assume|I know how to pick a lock? I didn't.
I just thought you'd|wanna give it a try.
Sort of my specialty.
Come on.
- You getting it?|- Talk to me, baby.
Talk to me.
- It's going?|- Oh, yeah.
I'm hearing something, all right.
|Okay, good news, guys.
I almost got it.
But then what happened was|I broke it.
God.
This is like the episode|of The Valley where Jake goes to the bank, and him|and April get locked in the vault.
- How'd they get out?|- They had to wait till the morning.
- That's how April got pregnant.
|- Sweetie.
There's gotta be a way out of here.
- You guys.
|- What's up? What about over there? Hey, Ryan, what did I tell you?|Isn't this great? It's like Goonies meets Die Hard,|by way of Mission: Impossible with, I think a hint of National Treasure thrown in.
Hey, about before,|when I told you to shut up? Yeah, I know, I'm doing it again.
No, no.
Thanks, man, for getting me|out here.
In here.
- Yeah, not giving up.
|- Yeah.
Oh, Ryan, I think I found|a quicker way out.
Unfortunately, it involves|broken bones and broken glass.
Well, I think this is the last of it.
Yes.
So you and Seth seem happy.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know, I just-|I really want it to be different this time.
For better or for worse.
|I really feel connected to him.
I mean, do you feel that way|with Alex? Well, truthfully, I think the only person|I've ever really felt that way with is Yeah.
I mean, is it weird being here|with him and me and Cohen? No, it's fine.
Good.
Because I know you're into chicks|now and everything.
But do you ever think about getting|back together with him? I mean, Lindsay's gone now, and- Yeah, Lindsay's gone,|and he's heartbroken.
Do you miss him? Every day.
- Hey.
|- Hey, guys.
Where's? Hey, Ryan.
So why is no one else here? The store's closed.
- Let's find an exit and get out of here.
|- Good idea.
Wait, wait, we're not going anywhere.
Yeah, because we're trapped.
So let's- Yes, trapped in a department store,|which is my ultimate fantasy.
- Okay, and what if we get caught?|- We'll be stealth.
Come on, what could be cooler? Go to|sleep in a mall and wake up in a mall? Come on, it's like being|awake but still dreaming.
The mall doesn't open until|10 a.
m.
We'll be out before.
We could get McMuffins.
Yeah, I suppose we could all use|a night to forget our troubles.
By "all," I mean "Ryan.
" - That's true.
|- So it's settled then.
Okay.
What happens in the mall|stays in the mall.
Cool.
Sorry to wake you at 8:00 at night.
Can you tell my dad I'm sleeping|at Marissa's? Sorry I missed your call.
I just brought|some laundry over to my mom's place.
I was thinking|I might just spend the night.
Yeah, so anyway, call my cell.
Dad, Ryan and I are trapped in the mall,|and we're gonna spend the night here.
I know the credit card is|just for emergencies but I may have to shell out|for a few supplies.
A little something|I like to call the truth.
So, what do we do now? I have an idea.
- You're gonna kill us with a chain saw?|- No.
High score gets the bed in the|showroom.
Low score takes the tent.
We're playing sports? - All right.
|- Come on.
- Get that over there.
|- Hey, Summer, stop it.
- Go, go!|- Seth, quit cheating.
What? Hey, that's not fair.
|Come on! Offsides! What? That wasn't offsides.
- Summer.
Block him.
|- Yes! Yeah! Seth.
Come on, come on, get up.
|Get up.
Up, up, up.
Don't be a baby.
Get it, girl! Get it! Get it! No, let me get that.
Oh, my God.
Hey, it's the new body shimmer.
|Shimmery.
You guys, enough with the sports.
|Let's eat.
- I think I'll go to the bar.
|- Great.
I'll have a Pinot Grigio.
No, thank you.
- What the hell are you doing here?|- That's no way to greet your first love.
- You weren't my first love, just my first.
|- A girl never forgets.
Maybe she had so much Southern|Comfort she never remembered.
Maybe we should try a reenactment.
I know you, so cut to the chase.
You wouldn't be here if you|didn't want something.
- I have something for you.
|- Yeah? Last time you gave me something,|I drank cranberry juice for a week.
- What did I ever do to you?|- Oh, I've been watching you rise, baby.
Married to the richest man in town,|living in the biggest house.
- You want money.
|- Take a look.
Tell me how much it's worth to you.
- I have two daughters now.
|- I know.
And aren't they worth protecting? Guys, I'm-|I'm suddenly not feeling so well.
- Food poisoning or something.
|- We haven't eaten.
Cohen! Cohen! I was foraging.
Here.
What is it? Chicken-flavored soy malt.
- It's kosher.
|- It's only 3600 calories.
- Hey, Summer?|- What? Could you maybe go grab another|papier-mâché log for the faux fire? That way we can make fake s'mores.
Yeah, sure.
I want to.
Dude, don't do it.
|Don't do it.
Oh, okay, let's do it.
Hey, I can't- Cohen? What are you doing? Hey, I got a pizza for You.
Didn't we have sex? No, I'm a virgin.
At least, I think I am.
Why don't you stay for a slice.
|Are you hungry? Starving.
- You really don't remember me?|- No.
I have amnesia.
|I don't remember anything.
- Oh, my God.
|- Remember that? It's cool.
A little porn|on a Saturday night.
- My lips are sealed.
|- What are you doing here? Looking for Marissa.
|She left a message she was here.
Well, she's not.
I guess I'm not the only one|she lies to, huh? I know my daughter.
I only let her go with you|because I knew it was a matter of time|before she came back.
As much as Marissa likes to complain,|she had a very nice life, thanks to me.
One she'll miss|once the novelty wears off which, I'm guessing, is about now.
Marissa- Marissa's not happy.
Marissa and happy parted ways|about her 16th birthday but have you met her new friends,|"sullen" and "vindictive"? No, the only ones she's|brought over to the house are "scared" and "overwhelmed.
" Alex- And I'm not saying this to be mean,|because you actually seem like a nice enough girl|and I like your pants but you are this week's yard guy Marissa's latest drama, a weapon|of torture to inflict against me.
- You don't know that.
|- Yeah, honey, I do.
Marissa's only been in love once and he looked a whole lot|different in a wife-beater.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
- What'd you find?|- Gift basket.
Crackers, Brie, raspberry preserves.
Nice.
Oh, candy counter.
Macaroons.
Licorice bits.
- Why are you mad?|- Why were you in my purse? - Why were you getting cards from Zach?|- When I talked to him I told him to send me a postcard.
- You talked to him?|- Yes.
Am I gonna ditch him at the airport|then not take his calls? Look, Cohen, he's my friend.
|He's your friend too.
Yeah, and friends let|friends read postcards.
- So why can't I see it?|- Can't you trust me - that it doesn't say anything?|- I know it says something hot.
I saw what he wrote.
|"Do you remember how hot it was? " - The rest was covered by a stamp.
|- Hey, we brought macaroons.
Spray cheese.
Who's hungry? That big yellow one there.
Relax.
Relax, you're talking to a master here.
It's all in the wrist.
Blast, another key chain.
I really wanted to win this for Kirsten,|to prove to her - Prove to her what?|- That she's the love of my life.
That I cherish her above all.
You don't need a crappy piece|of plastic to do that.
Just tell her.
You really want that ring, don't you? More than anything.
- I'll get more quarters.
|- More quarters.
We're really roughing it, huh? Yeah.
All alone in the wilderness.
We should find Seth and Summer,|watch a movie.
We do have, like, 500 TV screens|all to ourselves.
Yeah, that sounds good, but- Right, probably want their privacy.
Well, what happens at the mall|stays at the mall.
- I should|- Yeah.
Hey.
Oh, yeah, I didn't end up|going to my mom's.
Well, I ran into Summer.
I think I'm just gonna hang|at her place.
I'll see you in the morning? Okay, bye.
- Alex?|- Yeah.
It's not that she's the jealous type.
Right, I mean,|why would she be jealous? Exactly.
She'd just be bummed|to be missing- All this.
- Tired?|- Exhausted.
Go for it.
I'll camp here, keep|an eye out for bears and mall cops.
- No, you take it.
|- You're not really the roughing-it type.
It's big enough for two.
|It says it sleeps four.
- I'm not mad at you anymore.
|- Well, I'm mad at you.
Fine.
Then I am mad at you.
I don't get it.
Why can't you tell me|what happened that was so hot? What? Don't- Don't shush me.
Listen.
Company.
What? - And that means "due south.
" Just go.
|- Get- I can't believe Seth and|Summer are back together.
- Now we don't have to hear about it.
|- Yeah, I'm sure we'll still hear about it.
They're probably fighting right now.
Remember last year when she went|to his house for Thanksgiving? - Yeah, and Anna was over there.
|- She was so pissed.
Yeah, I wish we could've|been there to see it.
Yeah.
Too bad we were busy|driving stolen cars around Chino.
Well Yeah, that's my brother Trey.
Though we were almost killed it was- Kind of fun.
Yeah.
We need to go right now.
You're gonna spend the next six months|devoted to Julie Cooper's vanity project? What happened to The Ugly American?|That was the hottest travel magazine.
Yeah, well, it's a long story.
Actually, it's a short story|about a long bender.
I was in the middle of a divorce|at the time.
I'm sorry.
Why is it whenever I say I'm divorced,|people act like somebody's just died? You ever been married? - I am married.
|- You're not wearing a ring.
I lost it.
I mean, I took it off,|and I can't find it.
That's a strong statement,|taking off your wedding ring.
I was potting geraniums.
The night I realized my wife|didn't love me anymore I found her ring by the kitchen sink.
She said she'd been scrubbing|a casserole dish.
Those casseroles can be a bitch.
So could my ex.
I don't think we've said two words|about the magazine since Julie Cooper-Nichol left the building.
I don't think we've accomplished|our goals for the day.
Well, I thought your goal was|getting paid for doing nothing.
Let's just say I'm finding Newport Living|a lot more interesting than I thought it would be.
- She is so into you.
|- You think? I know.
April told me herself.
We got them.
It's called playing you hot and cold,|and it's totally working.
April is a genius.
If they gave you points for pulling guys,|she'd win, like, every year.
That was awesome.
Dude, it's Cole Trickle time, Atwood.
|Floor it, man.
Hey, anyone hungry? I'm sure Summer would like Italian.
Oh, God, give it up, Cohen.
I will stop with the teasing|when you confess.
Okay, then I'll stop punching you|when you shut up.
- I'm thinking cheeseburgers.
|- And chili fries? Perfect.
Come on.
Hello.
Enjoy the show? I'll write you a check|for $50,000 right now.
Fifty G's? You spend that|much to keep your pool clean.
I was thinking more like 500,000.
Are you crazy? I could make more than that|selling that tape on the Internet.
- I can't get that money.
|- I think you can.
Without my husband knowing?|What am I to tell him? The truth.
Your mom was sick,|your sister pregnant, and your tips from waitressing weren't|gonna pay rent that month.
Or make something up.
- Well, why can't I?|- Because it's not a big deal.
- Well, if it's not a big deal-|- Enough.
- What does it matter, Cohen?|- It matters to me.
- We'll be inside.
|- You guys coming? We need to stay here so|I don't strangle him in public.
We'll save room in the booth.
How is it that Ryan and Marissa|are now the functional couple? Oh, my God.
Okay, we cannot be more|annoying than Ryan and Marissa.
- We're monsters.
|- I like monsters.
But not us.
Do we not work as a couple anymore? - Are we all setup and no payoff?|- All Preparation, no H? Okay, pinkie swear.
If I tell you what's on the postcard,|we stop bickering.
About the postcard.
Okay, pinkie swear.
Okay.
Look here, right under the stamp.
What's so hot? It's the weather.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, right there.
|- Yeah.
Yeah, and if you look down here the sign-off, well no "I love you,"|not even an "I miss you," but- - "Say hi to Seth.
" It's from Zach.
|- Yeah.
Yeah.
Come here.
Well, I definitely think|we work as a couple.
Sorry, I didn't think|I was gonna be so late.
I didn't find your ring.
You were looking for my ring? Me and your father.
|We made a day of it.
He was upset about Lindsay,|and I was upset about I was just upset.
Well, we'll find our groove.
And my ring.
In the meantime we're gonna have to do the dishes|in the bathroom sink because I I lost the bolt.
You know, that keeps|the pipe and the thing together.
But just know this.
I love you.
And I'm so sorry I did anything|to make you doubt it.
You know, it's funny.
|Or not funny, really but we've been apart|longer than we were together.
It has been a while.
Yeah, a lot's happened.
I guess you could say we're|kind of like strangers.
Yeah? So who are you? Whoever you want me to be.
Look at that, my little Summer.
Seems like the Fantastic Four|is becoming fantastic again.