The Proud Family (2001) s02e15 Episode Script

Look, it's a bird!
No, it's a plane.
(Big Boy) That's right.
Big Boy and my man Fuzzy
coming at you on the Hip-Hop Helicopter.
(all scream)
What's up, y'all?
Break out your swimsuits and your sunblock
because it's going to be
mucho caliente this Saturday
at the Hip-Hop Helicopter
Beach Blanket Bonanza.
(all cheering)
Now, what's going to be
happening, Big Fuzz?
Well, Big Boy,
this year we're going to have
the craziest beach blanket games ever.
-So, kids, be prepared.
-(bell rings)
Uh-oh, now, you know
what that means, Fuzz.
It's time to play
(kids) Kiss or Diss!
Say what?
(kids) Kiss or Diss!
Now, let's see who
our lucky contestant is today.
Envelope, please.
Uh-oh, it's my favorite condiment,
Dijonay Jones.
-(all cheering)
-(Dijonay screams)
Okay, now, are you ready
to play Kiss or Diss?
Yes!
All right. Now, the rules are very simple.
You invite a boy to be your date
for the Beach Blanket Bonanza.
If the lucky guy accepts and kisses you.
Tell 'em what they won, Big Fuzz.
The lucky couple will win
1,000 Wizard dollars
good at any of the Wizard's
many establishments
a DVD player, a game Wizard,
and a brand-new dune buggy,
courtesy of Wizard Motors.
Now, remember my little mustard seed,
if the young man disses you
you get absolutely nothing
but clowned in front of all your friends.
So, now who's the lucky young man?
Sticky Webb!
So, my pint-sized paramour,
are you going to kiss her or diss her?
(screams)
(kids laughing)
Sticky! Sticky!
The Proud Family ♪
What? ♪
You and me will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day and night ♪
Even when you start acting like a fool ♪
You know I'm loving
Every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can always be myself ♪
Around you more than anybody else ♪
And every day
As I'm heading off to school ♪
You know there's no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They'll make you scream ♪
(doorbell rings)
They'll make you want to sing ♪
It's a family thing, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They'll push your buttons ♪
And make you want to hug them ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
(Oscar screams)
(laughing)
(screaming)
What the?
Who did this?
(kid) What's the problem, Proud?
Don't recognize yourself?
Who are you, the Frog Prince?
Why, Proud, can't you read the banner?
Silly me. Of course you can't.
I'm the defending champion
of the Wizard Kelly Baby Derby.
You? (laughs)
You kidding me, right?
I'm the world's fastest baby, Proud.
I hold the record in both
the 100 and 200-meter crawl.
I've won over 80 races
on four different continents.
I once outcrawled a horse.
I'm the baby that can't be beat, buster.
My babies can beat you any time, red nose.
Your babies have one slight problem.
And what problem is that?
They have your genes.
Keep talking and you'll never be
tall enough to wear a pair of jeans!
Now, hold it right there, Proud.
(kid laughing)
That's it! It's on now!
I'm entering my babies in the derby!
Prepare to lose, you bugaboo.
Okay, but let's make it
interesting, Proud.
If your babies lose, you'll stand
on a street corner of my choosing
wearing only a diaper
and sucking on a pacifier
like the big baby you are.
Okay, if my twins win,
you reveal to the world that you can talk.
Hmm, fine. I accept.
It doesn't matter, really,
because this time next week,
you'll be standing
on the corner of Wizard Kelly
and Martin Luther King Boulevards
looking like
(laughs)
(Dijonay sobbing)
(sobbing)
I can't believe Sticky dissed me!
Don't worry, D.
There are other boys besides Sticky.
Oh, no, there aren't.
No one likes me.
I've got to go with Dijonay on this one.
(sobbing)
Hey, Duke, my Hawaiian brother.
Aloha, Z.
Ladies.
Hi, Dijonay.
Excuse me.
Why is hers so big?
Yeah, I can't afford this.
Don't worry about it.
It's on the house, Dijonay.
Sorry about today.
If it were me,
I certainly would have kissed you.
Dijonay, I think Duke likes you.
I don't care. I only want Sticky.
Help me get my Sticky back,
Penny, please?
Back? You never had him, Dijonay.
Come on, LaCienega.
You now that's
Well, right.
Oh, I've got an idea.
The way to get Sticky back
is to make him jealous.
Jealous? How am I going to do that?
Pretend you like Duke and ask him
to the Beach Blanket Bonanza.
Come on, Penny.
You know I can't cheat on my man.
Look, Dijonay, if you want him back,
Duke's your only hope.
Now, go ask him.
Trust me. He likes you.
Go on.
Proud, you don't really think
Sticky's going to be jealous.
Of course not.
(Penny) But I do know
that Duke likes Dijonay.
And I figure
after a couple days of pretending
Dijonay will grow to like him
and stop embarrassing herself
around Sticky.
That's brilliant!
(all laugh)
Oscar, thanks for leaving us
at the supermarket.
What are you doing to my treadmill?
I'm making a state-of-the-art
training wheel for the twins.
Oscar, my babies are not hamsters.
No, they're future crawling championes.
I'm entering BeBe and CeCe
in the Wizard's Crawl For It All
Baby Derby, y'all.
The first prize is
a year's supply of diapers.
Maybe you ought to enter
that contest, Oscar.
You got baby brains.
(both laugh)
(Oscar) Maybe I'll enter you.
You could use the diapers. (laughs)
(laughs)
(twins laugh)
Come on, BeBe and CeCe.
Just watch Daddy.
See there? Look at that.
It's easy, ain't it?
No, no, no. Bad baby. Turn the switch!
No, no, no. Turn it off!
(yelling)
Mama!
Oscar, what are you doing?
For your information,
I'm training BeBe and CeCe
for the Wizard Kelly Baby Derby.
(Oscar) Hey, who's baby is that?
Oh, that's my nephew, Javier.
I got stuck babysitting.
You know, I was wondering
actually hoping
can I dump him
I mean, uh, leave him here
with you and the twins?
The twins can't play now.
They're in training.
They've got to focus.
(gasps)
Felix, turn it off!
It's not on.
It's not on?
Well how is he going so fast?
(announcer) And the winner
is Javier Proud, y'all.
(school bell rings)
Hey, Dijonay, what's up?
Excuse me. Do I know you?
I'm Sticky. Sticky Webb.
The man you stalk.
I used to know a Sticky once upon a time
but he dissed me.
Look, Dijonay,
I'm sorry about dissing you, okay?
But I just couldn't kiss you,
and you know I wanted that dune buggy.
Anyway, here.
I hope we can still be friends.
Well, not friends. Maybe acquaintances.
Not that, either.
Okay, well, here, girl.
Just take the candy.
Candy. How ordinary.
Hey, D. You ready for some surfing?
Surfing?
So, what's up with you and Duke?
None ya.
But if you must know, he's my new man.
Here, Duke, I got some candy for you.
(both laugh)
Sure do, Sure do ♪
Do, do ♪
She used to be
She used to be my girl ♪
She used to be my girl ♪
She used to be my girl ♪
She used to be my girl ♪
She used to be my girl ♪
She used to be my girl ♪
Uh, Sticky, what are you doing there?
I was trying to get
my woman Dijonay back.
Your woman? You're kidding, right?
Ever since she's been
hanging with volcano boy,
I can't seem to get my mind off of her.
Wait. Hold up.
You talking about Dijonay Jones?
Blond hair, Hershey Kiss head?
Watch it!
That's my woman you talking about.
S-Sorry, I didn't realize
you cared, Sticky.
Yeah, I thought you hated her.
Zoe, there's a thin line
between love and hate.
But I lost love on a two-way street.
Now, I'm sitting on the dock of the bay
crying tears of a clown.
Sticky, you need to stop
in the name of love.
You got to help me get my Dijonay back.
Sticky, I can't really get involved.
Penny, please, please?
I'll do anything.
I ain't too proud to beg.
All right, all right.
If you want to get her back
you have to make her jealous.
Man, do you think that'll work?
It worked on you.
Good point. Good point.
Now, all I need is a girl.
A cute but desperate one.
Any suggestions?
Don't even think about it, lonely boy.
-Zoe?
-Nah, I don't want no scrubs.
Don't you know a girl
who'll be your play date?
Someone who is your buddy
and would do you a favor?
Yeah, one. You.
(Penny) Ow! Let go!
-(Penny smacking)
-(Sticky) Ow!
Remember Sticky, no touching.
Come on, Penny.
We have to at least act like a couple.
We are a couple.
A couple of friends.
I'm Doris Day, you're Rock Hudson.
Uh, Penny,
who's Rock Hudson and Doris Day?
Suga Mama, what are you doing here?
Hey, I'm a 'tween, too.
(speaking Spanish) Yeah, between life and death.
(laughing)
(Dijonay) Aloha.
Hey!
Yo, Sticky, thanks for the candy.
Chocolate is my favorite, brother.
No problem, my brother.
Enjoy.
So, Sticky, are you dateless?
(laughing)
Actually, I'm happy and hooked up.
I'm here with my girl, Penny.
-Oh, yes, we
-Penny!
Penny is your girl?
Yeah, Penny is my girl.
Not so loud!
Well, I guess you guys make a cute couple.
Sticky and Icky.
Icky?
Yeah, it rhymes with "not so picky."
Oh, you really are tripping.
We'll see who's tripping
when me and my man
win the Beach Blanket Games.
Mahalo!
That means, "bye-bye", loser.
Well, we'll see who's the loser
because me and my man
are taking first place.
Yeah, that's right.
That's the way to tell her off, Penny.
So, who's your man?
Ooh, remember, no touching.
All right, dudes and uh, dudettes,
I'm your host, Big Boy!
And it's time
for the Beach Blanket Games to begin.
(cheering)
Fuzzy, why don't you go ahead
and tell them what the first event is.
It was going to be a pie eating contest
but we kind of took care of that.
And the second event was going to be
a hot dog eating contest
but we kind of took care of that, too.
So, I guess we're down
to the three-legged race.
-(cheering)
-Beach Blanketeers, take your places.
Ooh, being tied to you, Papi,
I've already won.
(speaking Spanish) And I've already lost.
(laughing)
Get set
Go!
(horn sounding)
(chuckling)
(speaking Spanish) I knew that leg
would come in handy one day!
(laughing)
-(blowing a raspberry)
-Prepare to eat our sand, Dijonay!
(wheels squealing)
(both coughing)
Olei, ram 'em.
(gasping)
Watch out!
-(screams)
-(thudding)
Hey!
(cheering)
-(Penny) Hey!
-(both) We won. We won.
All right, now, the next game up
is my personal favorite.
Bobbing for pizza?
Yeah, you do have a point there, Fuzzy.
Well, the-the next game
is my second favorite.
The tug-of-war.
(Big Boy) The first team to pull
its opponent over the line wins.
Now, get a grip and let it rip.
(breaking wind)
Oh, Fuzzy.
My bad. All them pies, dog.
(Big Boy) Get set go!
(cheering)
Oh, no, Papi!
How you doing back there?
Trying to figure out
how I can get from back here!
(laughing)
Pull, my sisters, pull.
(straining)
Something is wrong!
Why can't we beat the Chang triplets?
There's more of us!
Pull harder!
Duke daddy
do you want a ham or turkey sandwich?
Ham. And you know what?
Give me some of those chips, too.
(straining)
Sticky, do something!
(straining)
Hold on, I got an idea.
(straining)
(both screaming)
It's time for the Wizard Kelly's
crawl-for-it-all derby, y'all.
First prize, a year's supply
of Wizard Kelly's high-capacity diapers.
They hold up to 26 pounds.
But we suggest
you change them before that.
Okay, Javier,
just follow-o the candy-o
to me-o, Okay-o?
You get ready to lose, Red Nose!
(Wizard) Little babies,
on your mark, get set, go, y'all.
Baby number three, Javier Proud
is off to an amazing lead.
He ain't going to lose, y'all.
It looks like we're going to have
a new champion, y'all.
(giggling)
What the?
(Wizard) Uh-oh, wait a minute.
Javier Proud has gone astray
and our defending champion
the red-nosed baby
has taken the lead, y'all.
No!
Oscar, what are you doing?
Trying to cheer our son, Javier, to a win.
Our son?
Felix, do something.
He's not listening to me.
(speaking Spanish)
-What did you say to him?
-What do you think?
I told him I was going
to take him out for some ice cream.
Now, that's brilliant, Felix.
Lying to that baby like that.
It's all over for you, Rudolph!
(Wizard) Folks, this is an upset
of epic proportions.
The long shot, Javier Proud,
has come from the back
of the pack and is retaking
the lead from the red-nosed baby, y'all.
(squeaking)
(babbling)
-(squeaking)
-(cheering)
(Wizard) Oh, no!
Javier Proud has stopped
one inch from the finish line
and the red-nosed baby
is right on his way to victory, y'all.
No! He threw that toy.
He cheated! He cheated!
No, it looks like
you cheated, Oscar Proud.
You tried to pull the woolly
hair over the Wizard's eyes.
Security, remove him from my sight.
(cheering)
(groaning)
All right, everyone,
now this is our final competition.
Tandem surfing.
Now, the winner takes all the prizes,
so let's get it on.
Oh, baby!
How you doing, Papi?
Are you seasick?
(speaking Spanish) Yes. Seeing you makes me sick.
(laughing)
Just hold on tight, Penny.
With this techno-board, we can only win.
You know how to surf, Sticky?
If you can skateboard, you can surf.
I never heard that before.
(Dijonay giggling)
Duke daddy, would you like peach cobbler
or sweet potato pie?
Oh, cobbler.
And put some ice cream on it, too.
Oh, hang on, D. Surf's up.
Oh, this is a big one, Papi.
If I don't make it,
tell my family that I love them.
(speaking Spanish) If you don't make it
thousands of fish will eat well tonight.
(laughing)
Papi, how'd you get down there?
(speaking Spanish) I jumped overboard. It didn't work.
(laughing)
(beeping)
(screaming)
(groaning)
Help! Help me!
(Sticky) Somebody help me!
Sticky!
Duke, do something.
You got to help Sticky.
(Dijonay) We're coming, Sticky!
Hang on, baby, we're coming!
(Sticky) Help me!
-Okay, brother?
-Thanks, bro.
(Big Boy) And we have a winner.
(cheering)
Let's give a big round of applause
to the runner-ups, ladies and gentlemen.
Representing Willy T. Reals Middle School
Dijonay Jones and the Duke.
(cheering)
Now, you got to really give it up
for our grand prize winners
representing the old school,
Suga Mama and Ai Papi!
(cheering)
I just want to say
I-I couldn't have done it
without my partner, Papi.
(speaking Spanish) However, I could've done
without my partner.
(laughing)
Congratulations, D.
Thank you.
Dijonay, you know I wasn't
trying to take Sticky from you.
I know, Penny.
Sticky told me all about it.
You were just caught between two friends.
So, we're cool again?
Like the other side of the pillow.
(laughing)
So, which one are you going to go with?
Sticky or Duke?
Neither. Duke dumped me.
He said he couldn't go out
with a brother's girl.
He and Sticky bonded after he saved him.
And now, since Duke is out of the picture
Sticky isn't jealous anymore.
So, I'm back to me, myself and I.
(laughing)
-Oh, well.
-(both laughing)
Well, I hope you learned your lesson, D.
Yup, never want a boy
who doesn't want you.
Oh, look. Excuse me.
There goes my man.
Sticky!
Dijonay!
Come on, Penny, you can't blame me.
You went out with him. You know.
Sticky! Sticky!
(screaming)
Hey, Mama, surf's up.
So, how'd it go, baby? Have a good time?
Oh, Mama, you should have been there.
It was a ball.
And Suga Mama and Papi
won the Beach Blanket Games.
Where's Daddy?
Yeah, where's Oscar?
I want to show him my trophy.
(man) Hey, baby!
(laughing)
What you looking at?
You ain't never seen a fine brother
in diapers before?
Must have never been
to a Funkadelic concert before.
Go home! Ain't nothing to see here.
(theme music playing)