The Wonder Years s02e15 Episode Script

Some people pass through your life and you never think about them again.
Some you think about, and wonder "whatever happened to them?" Dentist, maybe.
Gossip columnist.
No, divorce lawyer.
Some you wonder if they ever wondered what happened to you.
And then there are those you wish you never had to think about again.
But you do.
Alright! Over here! Form up in two lines.
- What's this all about? - Beats me.
Today people, and all this week we'll be studying Unit Seven of your physical education curriculum handbook.
Unit Seven.
It smacked of romance.
Far away places.
Unit seven.
Square dancing.
Square dancing? What is it? What can it do for you? Is this dorky, or what? Definitely dorky.
I mean, come on! Square dancing? What in case we ever crash-landed in the Ozarks? On the other hand It might have its finer aspects.
Nothin' wrong with a little square dancin'.
Alright! Listen up.
Now that the ladies have joined us We're going to assign partners for the week.
Finlan and Bryce.
Step to the center.
This was critical.
We were being matched for a week.
In seventh-grade terms that translates to about eleven years.
Kasimir and Reeve.
God, I sure hope I don't get a loser.
I know what you mean.
Pfeiffer and - Gambowski.
- Yes! OK.
So Paul had hit the jackpot.
I wasn't worried.
Still plenty of fillies left in this pasture.
Arnold Here we go! Lucky, lucky, lucky and Farquhar.
And suddenly, my life was over.
I'd just been partnered with Margaret Farquhar.
The flagship for seventh-grade weirdness.
Some people march to the beat of a different drummer Margaret had her own percussion section.
- Yes? - Are we going to do-si-do? We'll get to that.
Yes? Why is it called do-si-do? Because that's what it's called.
Arnold! Is that clockwise, or the other way around? Did I ask for questions? I always ask for questions! That was Maragaret.
She could get on the nerves of any teacher.
Including Gandhi.
Arnold! Step to the center, now! Go get 'em, tiger! Alright.
First things first.
The bow, and curtsy.
It was gonna be a long week.
Hey, Arnold! Here it came.
The sharks to the kill.
Looked pretty happy out there with Farquhar.
Yeah.
Thrilled.
"Excuse me, but, why do they call it do-si-do?" Scrub behind your ears, Arnold? Gotta watch out for cooties! OK, I had to nip this in the bud.
I had a reputation at stake here.
Well, maybe I'll be sick this week, and then one of you will have to dance with her.
Keep this boy healthy! Ok, I'd handled that pretty well.
Besides, they were just a bunch of goofy guys.
I could deal with them.
- I hear you're in love.
I hear you really, really, want her.
An hour a day isn't enough, huh? Shut up, Wayne.
- Shut up about what? - Nothing.
Kevin was square dancing in gym today.
Square dancing? What kinda sport is that? Don't they teach wrestling anymore? I don't know, honey.
I'm sure it teaches good eye-foot coordination.
So,who'd you get as a partner, Kev? - Some girl.
- Some girl? Surely you're too modest.
Well? Who was it, Kevin? Margaret Farquhar I didn't get that.
Could you speak up? Margaret Farquhar? Trudy Farquhar's sister? She's a little different, isn't she? Are you kidding? She's a joke! She's a gleep! Sorry, Kevin Hey! I didn't pick her.
And besides, first thing tomorrow - I'm gonna dump her.
- Kevin! That's not very nice.
You wouldn't really do that, would you? - Well - Just because she's different, - doesn't mean you can't be nice to her.
Well, look.
She's just not popular, Ok? Fatal mistake.
I'd opened the door for the most dreaded words in the dictionary of kid-dom.
Kevin, I expect more of you than that.
- All join hands, circle left.
Promenade the hall Promenade now don't be shy, grab your lady and pass on by.
What do mothers know? Let them spend a morning on the slippery slopes of seventh-grade society.
Girls to the center, form a star.
Suddenly, I felt singled out.
Boys to the center same as before.
A marked man.
- Havin' fun? - In your dreams.
Looks like love to me! Are you kidding! She makes me want to "Kevin" "I expect more of you than that.
" Alright, Mom.
Alright! So summing up all the humanity I could muster Now bow to your partners.
Class dismissed.
I fulfilled my moral responsibility.
Seeya, Margaret.
And that was that.
- Hi, Kevin! Keep going.
I'm standing in the hall No, don't turn around! Miss Billings sent me out here.
She says I ask too many questions.
Were you in the bathroom? Great.
I'd said three words to her, now we were gonna have to have a whole conversation.
I have to go a lot, too.
When I drink too much water in the morning.
Do you like bats? - Bats? - I have a fruit bat.
Momma! This chick was weird! Do you like the name "Mortimer"? Look, I have to get to class.
- What class? - I gotta go.
- Ok.
Did you - I gotta go, Margaret.
Well, I'd learned one thing.
Bye, Kevin! Never go to the boy's room alone.
Stay in groups.
Heidi wore perfume today the kind I'm allergic to.
But when I sneezed she said "gezhundheit".
She could have just said "bless you", but she gave it to me in German.
- You're an animal, Paul.
- Yeah I'm gonna go get an ice-cream sandwich.
Gotta keep up that strength! Amazing.
Fate had given Paul Heidi Gambowski.
And me Bat-girl.
Heck, it was almost funny, you know - Hi! - Margaret! Not acceptable.
Not in public.
An empty hallway, maybe.
But not a cafeteria.
Do you like chili? You can't sit here! I almost fell down during the grand right-and-lefts today.
Did you notice? The nerve of this kid.
I- I have these seats saved.
I went ice-skating once and I fell down a lot! But I always think you gotta get back on that horse and ride! Jeez, what did I have to do here? Call Western Union? Margaret! "I expect more of you than that.
" Ok, so I wouldn't tell her.
I'd just eat fast, very fast.
No moral law against that, was there? Do you like to ice-skate? Where were you born? Don't chew! Swallow! Then get the heck out of there! Bats don't eat breakfast, either.
Almost home, now.
Do you think "Mortimer" is a good name for a bat? I'll seeya! Bye! - But you didn't even answer my - Bye! There.
I'd made it.
No cooties on me.
Right? Are you and Margaret going steady now? - Hey, Romeo! - Yeah! Romeo and Farquharet! Oh, Romeo! Oh, Romeo! Where Farquhart thou oh, Romeo? I need help.
Paul, do me a favor? Sure! Name it.
Let me dance with Heidi today.
Not on your life! Well, I was on my own.
There was only one way to put the brakes on with Margaret.
Hi! Snub her.
Now take your lady by the hand.
I- I sprained my wrist.
Why hadn't I thought of this before? All join hands.
Circle left.
It was workin'.
Like a charm! Circle left around the ring.
Braid parade, you're going the right way.
Braid parade, you're going the other way.
This was gonna be tricky.
Alright! Let's try again tomorrow! Success! She'd finally gotten the message.
- I'll get it! Did you know that you only live five streets down and three across? Maybe one thing that made Margaret a social Pariah was she didn't know how to take a hint.
Subtle or otherwise.
I brought Mortimer.
He's sleeping do you want to see? No.
Don't encourage her.
Margaret You can't stay.
I have, Homework! And A doctor's appointment.
Do you have a water tap with water? Look, I'm really, really busy.
Really, really, really, busy.
- Kevin? - So - Who's that at the door? Margaret? I could see Mom's radar working overtime.
In about three seconds, she was gonna fall in love.
She can't stay, Mom! Now, I'm sure she can stay for just a little while.
Can't you, Margaret? Well, fine.
Why don't we just adopt her? Maybe she'd like to sit down? That was it.
Margaret was in like Flynn.
This is my bat.
But hold on here! - Bat? - He won't go in your hair, unless there's bugs there.
I would have brought Isabelle, too, but her terrarium's too hard to carry.
- Isabelle? - My tarantula.
Holy cow.
Bats and spiders? Two of Mom's personal favorites I also have a lizard, but he's sick.
Did Margaret know what she was doing? That's too bad.
I hope he feels better! Amazing.
Mrs.
Be-Nice-To-Everyone Had been chased out of her own kitchen.
I- I guess your mother doesn't like bats.
No.
Yeah, neither does mine.
So You wanna sit down? And so, I spent an hour with the most unpopular girl in school.
Do you know where the word "tarantula" comes from? Well, they have this disease in Europe that if you got it, it made you jerk around like you were dancing.
And they thought it came from spiders She was weird, alright.
The funny thing is, she was also interesting.
In a weird way.
So, they named the spider after the dance.
Tarantella tarantula! Margaret? Can I ask you something? Why do you have three pigtails? Because, you never know when you're gonna need an extra rubber band.
I never met anyone like her.
Not that I liked her, you understand.
Still So, you're Dad was in the Army? We travel a lot.
Do you know anyone who's been to twelve schools in eight years? That's a lot of schools.
Bats are good travelers.
Dogs you have to leave behind.
Kevin? Will you're friend be staying for dinner? Now, that was a picture.
Margaret, Mortimer, Mom, and Dad And Wayne! Margaret! You gotta go! - Now? - Yes, now! Can I have another drink of water? Here! Here's a glass, there's a hose up the street - around the corner.
- Kevin! Sorry, Mom, it was ditch her or die.
Well, maybe you can come over to - my house sometime.
- Sure! If you come tonight you could meet Isabelle - I-I'll be there! - Is that a promise? - Mom? - Yeah, OK! I promise! - Really? You promise?! I promise! What'd I miss, here? Nothing! Nope.
Nothin'.
Nothin' at all.
Except for one, meaningless, little promise.
That night I went to Margaret's house.
But only because I promised.
Ok, maybe it was more than that.
Heck, she did have a tarantula in there.
And it was dark No one would ever see me Unless of course, someone happened to pass by.
Someone I knew Someone who knew Margaret.
Someone like Yohoo, Kevin! Look, everybody! It's Kevin Arnold! Hit the floods! "There he is, we see him!" "Attention, neighborhood! Attention, neighborhood!" "Kevin Arnold is at Margaret Farquhar's house!" "I repeat" "Kevin Arnold is at Margaret Farquhar's house!" - Coming! Hello? All in all I guess I lost my nerve.
- Hey, how'd you get those scratches on your arm? I don't know.
Looks like you ran into a pricker bush.
Paul! Where do you come up with this stuff? How do you know I didn't get into a fight with a cat, or something? Well you see these scratches are lighter and a cat's are, you know.
Paul look, I just have to be by myself for awhile.
Ok? Sure.
But I still say you fell on a pricker bush.
I'd made my decision.
This couldn't go on.
It was time to deal with it once and for all.
Margaret? Hi, Kevin! Were you at my house last night? My bell rang.
Did you ring my bell? That's right pour on the old guilt, why don't ya? My mother made popcorn.
Margaret, I-I can't talk to you anymore.
What? And then I had an idea.
A great idea.
Well, you know I like you, and I think you're really nice.
But, so we can talk to each other.
But not at school.
Or at my house.
Or, in front of anybody.
But, ya know, we could still be friends! You know, just no one would have to know about it.
We'd be, secret friends.
- OK? Zowie! Talk about a solution.
Secret friends? Well, yeah! Kinda.
Funny thing is I actually believed she'd jump at the opportunity.
You don't want to talk to me? She wasn't jumping.
Why don't you want to talk to me? Well, I didn't say I don't wanna talk to you You don't want me to talk to you? See, now she was twisting it all around How can you be friends if you don't want to talk to somebody? - Hey, hey, hey! What's goin' on here? I don't understand this! What's so awful about talking! Hey, Arnold looks like honeymoon time! Hey, Arnold? You pop the question yet? Very funny.
Hey, Farky? Why do they call these things pigtails? It was horrible.
I wanted to tell them to knock it off, leave her alone.
And Margaret, I wanted to scream at her.
Why did she have to be so weird? Why couldn't she just be normal? I wanted to say something But I didn't.
I couldn't.
It was Margaret who did the talking.
I thought you were different.
And so, that last day of square-dancing I danced alone.
Maybe if I'd been a little braver, I could have been her friend, but The truth is in seventh-grade, who you are is what other seventh-grader's say you are.
The funny thing is it's hard to remember the names of the kids you spent so much time trying to impress.
But you don't forget someone like Margaret Farquhar.
Professor of biology.
Mother of six.
Friend to bats.