Wander Over Yonder (2013) s02e15 Episode Script
My Fair Hatey
1 [raucous laughter.]
At last, after all this time, I, Lord Hater, have my most hated foe in my clutches! The moment of reckoning is at hand.
I have but one question for you.
What do you think this means? "The vile Lord Dominator demands the presence of Lord Hater" [reading quickly.]
"aboard her ship" [reading quickly.]
"at once [gasps.]
Don't be late.
" [gasps.]
That sounds like a date! That's what I said, but Peepers said I was stupid.
Okay, look, I'm the greatest in the galaxy.
Dominator's probably already in love with me, but this has to go even more perfect than usual.
So I thought, Wander knows all about this lovey-dovey junk.
So maybe you could, you know, help me out or whatever.
Excuse me.
I have something in my eye.
They're tears of joy.
Oh, you gotta be all Wander-y about it.
No, no, no! I've got it under control.
So what do you know about her? Well, I know she's already seen my sweet car, [music.]
my awesome band, and of course, my rockin' bod.
Uh-huh.
But what does she like? Um me? I don't understand the question.
The heart of a lady [music.]
Is a mysterious thing That scientists have wrestled with for years Wait.
What's happening? Your approach thus far has lacked A certain gentlemanly tact It's time to reassess your presentation Redirect your conversations with Her I have no idea what you're singing about.
What I mean is - # Ask her a question # - A question? - # Something about herself, a question # - A question? You gotta focus on someone else, a question - A question? - # Something to show her # That you'd really like to get to know her - # Then listen # - Listen?! Hear what she has to say And follow up with some appropriate repartee - # Then listen # - More listening?! Always remember there's a heart inside that scary armor There's no shortage of fellas Who prattle on and on about themselves On and on about themselves Flex their muscles or pump up their chests Well, that's a perfect way to bore a lady to death - # A question # - Again? Something about herself, a question - I did! - # You gotta focus on someone else # If you wanna win her, show some interest in her If you wanna date her try to formulate a question All right, Hater, give it a shot.
- Okay, have you ever noticed how incredibly impressive I am? - No! Who wants to date the galaxy's most charismatic dictator? - You do.
- Try again.
- What's your favorite - Mm-mmm.
One of my many, many outstanding traits - might is my humility.
- No! From the top.
There's no shortage of fellas Who prattle on about themselves On and on about themselves Flex their muscles and pump up their chests Well, that's a perfect way to bore a lady to death Wander, can you hold the singing for just five more minutes? What the Hater's prison! How did oh, it's gonna be one of those days.
[panting.]
Don't worry, buddy.
I'll have us out of here faster than you can say - Who's what now?! - I don't get it.
Dominator keeps destroying planets she could be conquering.
But why? What am I not seeing? Me! Now where's Wander? If you wanna win her, show some interest in her If you wanna date her, try to formulate a question Oh! Always with the singing.
But I'm going to use that to my advantage.
Your idiot and my idiot are teaming up to ask Dominator out, leaving her wide open to attack by my indomitable Watchdog army! You mean that Watchdog army? No matter.
I don't need them.
My plan is foolproof.
I've done extensive research on our good friend Dominator.
You see, her whole fleet's powered by volcanic excavator So I'll apply frostonium to this pyroregulator And completely discombobulate her army's power center Divide by nine, halve the sine Adjust for Y, easy as pie Watch her forces crumble before my strategic eye That's how I'll get her, how I'll get her That's how I'll get her I'll sneak into her engine room and freeze her core, That's how I'll get her, how I'll get her That's how I'll get her, Once I get her Dominator will bother us no more - Did you just sing that? - What? No.
- Don't be ridiculous.
- Well, it's a cute plan.
It's just, uh "Just uh" just uh what? It's nothing, no, it all sounds great And really is quite charming, you're just forgetting Her massive flarpin' army! You clearly put some thought into Your big old plan to get her But how you gonna pull it off With bots up in your retina? Listen, Peeps, her bot army Will punt you across the galaxy With such a massive peeper, Peepers How can't you see you'll never get her - # Yes, I'll get her # - # You'll never get her # Your wits alone won't win this interplanetary war - # You'll never get her # - # Sure, I'll get her # You'll never get her 'cause she's better You go in there and you will be no more Okay.
Okay, you definitely sang that last part.
Well, so did you.
I was only following your lead.
Wait.
"Follow my lead.
" That's it! I may not stand a chance against Dominator's bots, but you could fight them to a standstill While you install the frostonium and freeze her army.
No, this is crazy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are you a man, or are you a Zbornak? All right, I'm in.
That's how we'll get her, that's how we'll get her - # Once we'll get her # - # Dominator will bother us no more # BOTH: Great, but no singing.
Again! Uh, look at this muscle.
Pretty cool, right? Date me.
Again.
Who's your favorite electrical skeleton man? Again.
[screams.]
This is so hard! I mean, what does she even like? What is she into? What are her favorite things to do? Hater.
[frustrated yell.]
If I only knew that, then I could think of a stupid question to ask her.
Hater, that was a question about someone other than yourself! You actually care about somebody else! I do? I do! I think you've got it Just can't wait to tell her I think she's tops - # You got it # - # She's a lunatic and needs to be stopped # I got it, hope she likes me I believe in you, Hater Let's all go meet Dominator Dominator thinks she's got us trapped in her clutches Till she meets the Lady Haymaker and the Duchess - # I'll cut the lights # - # A left, a right # - # Hack the PC # - # And one of these # And so long, Dominator, get out of our galaxy Here we go Don't forget to speak from the heart Here we go We'll tear her robot army apart Here we go I can't believe they think he's gonna date her Let's all go meet Dominator Let's all go meet Dominator Let's all go meet Dominator now! Now, now! WANDER: Here we go.
[alarm blaring.]
This is a bad idea.
I'll send flowers instead.
Or maybe a series of awkward text messages.
[clears throat.]
Dominator, it is I, the Duke of Destruction, the Monarch of Mayhem, Lord Hater! Uh ahem.
I received your summons, and in response, I have but one thing to say.
I've given all I can [slow tempo music plays.]
Tried to show you the best of me But I can't break through To you Ooh ooh So I try again And I offer the rest of me There's a heart inside these bones It beats alone So alone So I'll do what I've not done Ask the questions that I've asked Of no one How are you? [up-tempo music plays.]
And how's your day goin' so far? What'd you have for breakfast? Was it satisfying? Do you like leisurely strolls in the park? 'Cause I do Cat person or dog person? I know it's tough deciding Think of the pair we could be If you just dared to open up your evil heart Tell me about yourself, don't leave anything out I can't bear to be apart How are you Seems like a pretty good start Yeah! I think she's diggin' it.
This is going super well.
This is going super well.
A little too super well.
There's not a bot in sight.
The ship's core is just inside.
Easy as one, two, three.
Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine? [both screaming.]
Your favorite color, what you did for the summer Do you have an opinion on snow, pro or con? Mustard or mayo, tell me what do you say, oh I'd seriously like to know Yes, he'd seriously like to know How are you Fantasy sequence, boys! Oh, I had a dream A dream we were running Running the galaxy side by side It was a beautiful dream It was a beautiful night, I had a dream A dream that you loved me And I held your hand in mine Then concluded at that moment After much deliberation I say it without hesitation I shout it out loud You're the greatest! Baby, you're the greatest Oh, you're the greatest In the galaxy Saxophone! [sax solo.]
Can't you see I've changed You're the greatest Just wanna get to know ya You're the greatest So here I am at last Here he is at last Just one question left to ask Uh, yeah, so, I was wondering if maybe Tuesday, if you aren't busy or anything you might wanna hang out, or get a cup of coffee or espresso or something, or whatever works for you.
Yeahhhh!! What the grop is going on here? [footsteps.]
You.
But there and also throne.
I was in the shower.
That's just my suit.
I-I received your summons to appear, and that's Oh, dang.
Was that today? One sec.
[gulps.]
- Okay, go ahead.
Surrender.
- Wait, what? I think you mean surrender your heart to my studly skull muffin.
What? Ew! No.
Hater's the only villain who hasn't bowed down before me.
I called you here to admit that I am the greatest in the galaxy.
Oh, there's a whole part of the song about that.
Two, three You're the greatest So you don't want to date me? [raucous laughter.]
[laughing.]
Oh that is You think I [laughing.]
That is too good.
I mean, it's sad for you, but [laughs.]
[sighs.]
Let me put this in a way you idiots will understand.
[sultry music plays.]
I'm not the damsel in distress I'm not your girlfriend or the frightened princess I'm not a little bird who needs your help to fly Nope, I'm a bad guy All these former villains that you see Each of them with shaking knees Have knelt before me So I'm not your teammate or your partner in crime What am I, boys? ALL: She's the bad guy.
Oh, it's magic To watch a planet Shrivel up and die Oh, it's thrillin' To be a villain I destroy their homes And then I watch them cry [giggling.]
[distorted voice.]
# 'Cause I'm the bad guy # Oh, my grop.
She's not trying to conquer the galaxy so she can rule it.
She wants to destroy it.
Man, that's evil.
[shrieking.]
Oh, ain't it fantastic I see something, I blast it And let me tell you why I've always had a weakness For barrenness and bleakness I crush all your hopes And then I watch you cry See, I find this business rather fun I don't want your assistance or your adulation I'll vaporize your galaxy And bid you bye-bye Why? Come on, guess BOTH: 'Cause you're the bad guy? Or, well, girl.
[evil laughter.]
[deep humming.]
Hey, Dominator, freeze.
Oh, yeah! That's how I'll get her once I get her - # Dominator will # - No time for a reprise.
This whole place is gonna freeze over.
We've gotta save Wander, and to a lesser extent, Hater.
[alarm blaring.]
DOMINATOR: Oh, seriously? Be right back.
Ooh, why don't you take this time to work on your death rattles? I like a "No, no, no, no, no, no!" But a "Why?!" is not without its charms.
[yelling.]
Come on, Hater.
We gotta get outta here.
When I say "evac," you say "uate.
" Evac, evac.
What's the point? She thinks I'm a joke.
She might as well destroy me.
[playing gentle tune.]
My fair Hatey, pick your chin up Things are bound to get better Yeah, the gal of your dreams Turned out deadly, it seems And it's probably best you didn't wind up Together My fair Hatey, don't you give up It ain't a total disaster Hey, we gave it a go Put on a heck of a show And did a lot of fun stuff We'll get to laugh about after Seems like you're becoming Becoming someone A little less full of hate Sure, Dominator's got an unstoppable army And a maniacal determination To destroy our whole galaxy - # But you know what I think is great # - Please be quiet.
I'm talkin' about buddies Sure seems like we're becoming friends - # Buddies # - We are not buddies.
And buddies stay buddies till the very end - Stop it! - # I know you'll try to deny it # I do deny it 'cause we're not.
Chase me 'round the galaxy and try to hide I swear, if you say buddy one more time.
We're buddies Looks like we're becoming friends We're buddies [shrieking.]
And buddies stay buddies until the very end Get back here! DOMINATOR: Oh, grop.
- Buddy! - Buddy! Oh, I thought I'd never see you again - Uh, buddies? - Buddy! This ship is gonna blow any second now.
But he keeps saying we're friends! And he keeps trying to deny it Listen, buddies or no buddies, I'm not ready to die yet, so let's go! [alarm blaring.]
No, no, no, no, no, no! [cheering.]
Take that, Dominator.
We did it, buddies.
BOTH: We're not your buddies! Oh, man, this is so cool! Thanks, losers.
[laughing.]
Now she's got lava and ice powers?! That's it.
Game over.
We lose, Dominator rules.
No she doesn't, sir.
If she destroys the entire galaxy, there'll be nothing left to rule.
And you're forgetting the most important thing.
What's that? You're the greatest Lord Hater, you're the greatest That's right.
I am the greatest.
In the galaxy I'm back, whoo Lord Hater, number one superstar Yeah! Nailed it! And you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna save this galaxy So we can conquer it later.
[sighs.]
Syl, I really made a mess of things.
- Good.
- How is that good? Realizing that is the first step - to making things right.
- Aw, Syl.
You're the greatest No, buddy, you're the greatest And together, we're gonna save this galaxy - # I'm the greatest # - # He's the greatest # They're the greatest He's the greatest You're the greatest I'm the greatest in the galaxy Enough with the singing already.
Obviously, I'm the greatest! It's ice.
Show's over.
[snap.]
You're the greatest [whirring.]
You're the greatest You're the greatest Oh, yeah, you're the greatest You're the greatest in the galaxy Argh, stupid catchy tune!
At last, after all this time, I, Lord Hater, have my most hated foe in my clutches! The moment of reckoning is at hand.
I have but one question for you.
What do you think this means? "The vile Lord Dominator demands the presence of Lord Hater" [reading quickly.]
"aboard her ship" [reading quickly.]
"at once [gasps.]
Don't be late.
" [gasps.]
That sounds like a date! That's what I said, but Peepers said I was stupid.
Okay, look, I'm the greatest in the galaxy.
Dominator's probably already in love with me, but this has to go even more perfect than usual.
So I thought, Wander knows all about this lovey-dovey junk.
So maybe you could, you know, help me out or whatever.
Excuse me.
I have something in my eye.
They're tears of joy.
Oh, you gotta be all Wander-y about it.
No, no, no! I've got it under control.
So what do you know about her? Well, I know she's already seen my sweet car, [music.]
my awesome band, and of course, my rockin' bod.
Uh-huh.
But what does she like? Um me? I don't understand the question.
The heart of a lady [music.]
Is a mysterious thing That scientists have wrestled with for years Wait.
What's happening? Your approach thus far has lacked A certain gentlemanly tact It's time to reassess your presentation Redirect your conversations with Her I have no idea what you're singing about.
What I mean is - # Ask her a question # - A question? - # Something about herself, a question # - A question? You gotta focus on someone else, a question - A question? - # Something to show her # That you'd really like to get to know her - # Then listen # - Listen?! Hear what she has to say And follow up with some appropriate repartee - # Then listen # - More listening?! Always remember there's a heart inside that scary armor There's no shortage of fellas Who prattle on and on about themselves On and on about themselves Flex their muscles or pump up their chests Well, that's a perfect way to bore a lady to death - # A question # - Again? Something about herself, a question - I did! - # You gotta focus on someone else # If you wanna win her, show some interest in her If you wanna date her try to formulate a question All right, Hater, give it a shot.
- Okay, have you ever noticed how incredibly impressive I am? - No! Who wants to date the galaxy's most charismatic dictator? - You do.
- Try again.
- What's your favorite - Mm-mmm.
One of my many, many outstanding traits - might is my humility.
- No! From the top.
There's no shortage of fellas Who prattle on about themselves On and on about themselves Flex their muscles and pump up their chests Well, that's a perfect way to bore a lady to death Wander, can you hold the singing for just five more minutes? What the Hater's prison! How did oh, it's gonna be one of those days.
[panting.]
Don't worry, buddy.
I'll have us out of here faster than you can say - Who's what now?! - I don't get it.
Dominator keeps destroying planets she could be conquering.
But why? What am I not seeing? Me! Now where's Wander? If you wanna win her, show some interest in her If you wanna date her, try to formulate a question Oh! Always with the singing.
But I'm going to use that to my advantage.
Your idiot and my idiot are teaming up to ask Dominator out, leaving her wide open to attack by my indomitable Watchdog army! You mean that Watchdog army? No matter.
I don't need them.
My plan is foolproof.
I've done extensive research on our good friend Dominator.
You see, her whole fleet's powered by volcanic excavator So I'll apply frostonium to this pyroregulator And completely discombobulate her army's power center Divide by nine, halve the sine Adjust for Y, easy as pie Watch her forces crumble before my strategic eye That's how I'll get her, how I'll get her That's how I'll get her I'll sneak into her engine room and freeze her core, That's how I'll get her, how I'll get her That's how I'll get her, Once I get her Dominator will bother us no more - Did you just sing that? - What? No.
- Don't be ridiculous.
- Well, it's a cute plan.
It's just, uh "Just uh" just uh what? It's nothing, no, it all sounds great And really is quite charming, you're just forgetting Her massive flarpin' army! You clearly put some thought into Your big old plan to get her But how you gonna pull it off With bots up in your retina? Listen, Peeps, her bot army Will punt you across the galaxy With such a massive peeper, Peepers How can't you see you'll never get her - # Yes, I'll get her # - # You'll never get her # Your wits alone won't win this interplanetary war - # You'll never get her # - # Sure, I'll get her # You'll never get her 'cause she's better You go in there and you will be no more Okay.
Okay, you definitely sang that last part.
Well, so did you.
I was only following your lead.
Wait.
"Follow my lead.
" That's it! I may not stand a chance against Dominator's bots, but you could fight them to a standstill While you install the frostonium and freeze her army.
No, this is crazy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are you a man, or are you a Zbornak? All right, I'm in.
That's how we'll get her, that's how we'll get her - # Once we'll get her # - # Dominator will bother us no more # BOTH: Great, but no singing.
Again! Uh, look at this muscle.
Pretty cool, right? Date me.
Again.
Who's your favorite electrical skeleton man? Again.
[screams.]
This is so hard! I mean, what does she even like? What is she into? What are her favorite things to do? Hater.
[frustrated yell.]
If I only knew that, then I could think of a stupid question to ask her.
Hater, that was a question about someone other than yourself! You actually care about somebody else! I do? I do! I think you've got it Just can't wait to tell her I think she's tops - # You got it # - # She's a lunatic and needs to be stopped # I got it, hope she likes me I believe in you, Hater Let's all go meet Dominator Dominator thinks she's got us trapped in her clutches Till she meets the Lady Haymaker and the Duchess - # I'll cut the lights # - # A left, a right # - # Hack the PC # - # And one of these # And so long, Dominator, get out of our galaxy Here we go Don't forget to speak from the heart Here we go We'll tear her robot army apart Here we go I can't believe they think he's gonna date her Let's all go meet Dominator Let's all go meet Dominator Let's all go meet Dominator now! Now, now! WANDER: Here we go.
[alarm blaring.]
This is a bad idea.
I'll send flowers instead.
Or maybe a series of awkward text messages.
[clears throat.]
Dominator, it is I, the Duke of Destruction, the Monarch of Mayhem, Lord Hater! Uh ahem.
I received your summons, and in response, I have but one thing to say.
I've given all I can [slow tempo music plays.]
Tried to show you the best of me But I can't break through To you Ooh ooh So I try again And I offer the rest of me There's a heart inside these bones It beats alone So alone So I'll do what I've not done Ask the questions that I've asked Of no one How are you? [up-tempo music plays.]
And how's your day goin' so far? What'd you have for breakfast? Was it satisfying? Do you like leisurely strolls in the park? 'Cause I do Cat person or dog person? I know it's tough deciding Think of the pair we could be If you just dared to open up your evil heart Tell me about yourself, don't leave anything out I can't bear to be apart How are you Seems like a pretty good start Yeah! I think she's diggin' it.
This is going super well.
This is going super well.
A little too super well.
There's not a bot in sight.
The ship's core is just inside.
Easy as one, two, three.
Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine? [both screaming.]
Your favorite color, what you did for the summer Do you have an opinion on snow, pro or con? Mustard or mayo, tell me what do you say, oh I'd seriously like to know Yes, he'd seriously like to know How are you Fantasy sequence, boys! Oh, I had a dream A dream we were running Running the galaxy side by side It was a beautiful dream It was a beautiful night, I had a dream A dream that you loved me And I held your hand in mine Then concluded at that moment After much deliberation I say it without hesitation I shout it out loud You're the greatest! Baby, you're the greatest Oh, you're the greatest In the galaxy Saxophone! [sax solo.]
Can't you see I've changed You're the greatest Just wanna get to know ya You're the greatest So here I am at last Here he is at last Just one question left to ask Uh, yeah, so, I was wondering if maybe Tuesday, if you aren't busy or anything you might wanna hang out, or get a cup of coffee or espresso or something, or whatever works for you.
Yeahhhh!! What the grop is going on here? [footsteps.]
You.
But there and also throne.
I was in the shower.
That's just my suit.
I-I received your summons to appear, and that's Oh, dang.
Was that today? One sec.
[gulps.]
- Okay, go ahead.
Surrender.
- Wait, what? I think you mean surrender your heart to my studly skull muffin.
What? Ew! No.
Hater's the only villain who hasn't bowed down before me.
I called you here to admit that I am the greatest in the galaxy.
Oh, there's a whole part of the song about that.
Two, three You're the greatest So you don't want to date me? [raucous laughter.]
[laughing.]
Oh that is You think I [laughing.]
That is too good.
I mean, it's sad for you, but [laughs.]
[sighs.]
Let me put this in a way you idiots will understand.
[sultry music plays.]
I'm not the damsel in distress I'm not your girlfriend or the frightened princess I'm not a little bird who needs your help to fly Nope, I'm a bad guy All these former villains that you see Each of them with shaking knees Have knelt before me So I'm not your teammate or your partner in crime What am I, boys? ALL: She's the bad guy.
Oh, it's magic To watch a planet Shrivel up and die Oh, it's thrillin' To be a villain I destroy their homes And then I watch them cry [giggling.]
[distorted voice.]
# 'Cause I'm the bad guy # Oh, my grop.
She's not trying to conquer the galaxy so she can rule it.
She wants to destroy it.
Man, that's evil.
[shrieking.]
Oh, ain't it fantastic I see something, I blast it And let me tell you why I've always had a weakness For barrenness and bleakness I crush all your hopes And then I watch you cry See, I find this business rather fun I don't want your assistance or your adulation I'll vaporize your galaxy And bid you bye-bye Why? Come on, guess BOTH: 'Cause you're the bad guy? Or, well, girl.
[evil laughter.]
[deep humming.]
Hey, Dominator, freeze.
Oh, yeah! That's how I'll get her once I get her - # Dominator will # - No time for a reprise.
This whole place is gonna freeze over.
We've gotta save Wander, and to a lesser extent, Hater.
[alarm blaring.]
DOMINATOR: Oh, seriously? Be right back.
Ooh, why don't you take this time to work on your death rattles? I like a "No, no, no, no, no, no!" But a "Why?!" is not without its charms.
[yelling.]
Come on, Hater.
We gotta get outta here.
When I say "evac," you say "uate.
" Evac, evac.
What's the point? She thinks I'm a joke.
She might as well destroy me.
[playing gentle tune.]
My fair Hatey, pick your chin up Things are bound to get better Yeah, the gal of your dreams Turned out deadly, it seems And it's probably best you didn't wind up Together My fair Hatey, don't you give up It ain't a total disaster Hey, we gave it a go Put on a heck of a show And did a lot of fun stuff We'll get to laugh about after Seems like you're becoming Becoming someone A little less full of hate Sure, Dominator's got an unstoppable army And a maniacal determination To destroy our whole galaxy - # But you know what I think is great # - Please be quiet.
I'm talkin' about buddies Sure seems like we're becoming friends - # Buddies # - We are not buddies.
And buddies stay buddies till the very end - Stop it! - # I know you'll try to deny it # I do deny it 'cause we're not.
Chase me 'round the galaxy and try to hide I swear, if you say buddy one more time.
We're buddies Looks like we're becoming friends We're buddies [shrieking.]
And buddies stay buddies until the very end Get back here! DOMINATOR: Oh, grop.
- Buddy! - Buddy! Oh, I thought I'd never see you again - Uh, buddies? - Buddy! This ship is gonna blow any second now.
But he keeps saying we're friends! And he keeps trying to deny it Listen, buddies or no buddies, I'm not ready to die yet, so let's go! [alarm blaring.]
No, no, no, no, no, no! [cheering.]
Take that, Dominator.
We did it, buddies.
BOTH: We're not your buddies! Oh, man, this is so cool! Thanks, losers.
[laughing.]
Now she's got lava and ice powers?! That's it.
Game over.
We lose, Dominator rules.
No she doesn't, sir.
If she destroys the entire galaxy, there'll be nothing left to rule.
And you're forgetting the most important thing.
What's that? You're the greatest Lord Hater, you're the greatest That's right.
I am the greatest.
In the galaxy I'm back, whoo Lord Hater, number one superstar Yeah! Nailed it! And you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna save this galaxy So we can conquer it later.
[sighs.]
Syl, I really made a mess of things.
- Good.
- How is that good? Realizing that is the first step - to making things right.
- Aw, Syl.
You're the greatest No, buddy, you're the greatest And together, we're gonna save this galaxy - # I'm the greatest # - # He's the greatest # They're the greatest He's the greatest You're the greatest I'm the greatest in the galaxy Enough with the singing already.
Obviously, I'm the greatest! It's ice.
Show's over.
[snap.]
You're the greatest [whirring.]
You're the greatest You're the greatest Oh, yeah, you're the greatest You're the greatest in the galaxy Argh, stupid catchy tune!