Bizaardvark (2016) s02e16 Episode Script

1 Hey, guys! Bizaardvark here with our good friend, Amelia.
Hey, y'all! And today we're gonna be showing you guys how to make slime.
Woo.
Here's what you're gonna need: white glue, shavin' cream, your choice of food colorin' and the magic ingredient, eye solution.
- First is glue, - Yes.
so let's pour some glue in here.
Just put in a bunch.
- ALL: Ahhhhhhh! - Frankie! So now we have glue as our base, let's add the color now.
- I've got blue.
- What'd you get? Red? - Red.
- I'm gonna make a nice pastel.
Okay, let's mix this.
This is nice.
This is really fun.
- Now we have shaving cream.
- Wait one second.
You're not Uh! Uh! Uh! Moving so fast! Wow, it it looks really pretty.
It smells good, too.
- I know, it smells really good.
- Oh, it does.
You ready to put in the solution? - All right, yeah.
- This is what makes it the slime.
Okay.
(GASP) Oh, my gosh, I can see it already working.
Aw, man! It's getting all rubbery! (GASP) Ta-da! Here is our finished slime! - Ahhhh! - Ohhhh! - See if we can? - Here, ready? ALL: Slime jump rope! - (LAUGHING) - (BUZZER) It doesn't work! - ALL: Slime slingshot! - (BUZZER) - It doesn't work! - (ALL LAUGHING) You look like a Santa Claus dyed his beard purple.
(BELL) (GASP) We should put all of them together.
- Ahh! - Ooh, it's a galaxy! (SCREAMING) BOTH: You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! - Let's go make some videos - Hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
Ahhhh All right, folks, looks like it's time to play "What's Wrong with Paige?" That was one of three sighs.
Either she hated her lunch, something happened to sea otters, or something's up with Reese.
- Number three, Bob.
- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Wait, what? What's going on with Reese? I thought you were having fun with him? Every time you saw him you showed that weird emotion.
- Joy? - Yeah, joy.
Well, not anymore.
I mean, he used to be fun, but now he's so predictable and boring.
Hey, look.
Here he comes.
I guarantee he'll start off with a bad joke, then he'll talk about soup, and then he'll say goodbye with a horrible catch phrase.
- Oh, hey Paige.
- Hey, Reese.
What's up? The sky.
Wow.
Man, I wish there was soup today.
Wow! Nope.
No soup.
Bummer! Well, Reese ya later! - Did he just? - Yep.
As if his name was a verb.
I think it's time to end things with Reese.
Ooh, let me do it.
Scale of one to 10, how much do you want him to cry? Frankie! I have to do this myself.
I'm gonna end it today.
I'm proud of you, kid.
Hey, Paige.
Good news! There is soup today! Reese ya later! BOTH: Wow! By the way, I am excited about the soup.
Hey-hey! Who's excited to meet a dinosaur? Bernie, the class is called "Intro to Dinosaurs," but you know you're not actually gonna meet one, right? They're extinct.
Not all of 'em.
Say hello to Tyrannosaurus Flex.
You signed up for this class just to do that joke, didn't you? Yeah.
Plus I hear it's an easy "A", which we're gonna need, since we're definitely not getting one in Coach Carlson's gym class.
Too slow.
You fail.
Too sweaty! Fail.
I hate your sneakers! You fail.
Yeah.
He's goin' through some stuff.
Who cares? I'm pumped for this class.
It's gonna be a wild, dinosaur-fueled adventure.
(SLOW AND DULL VOICE) Welcome to "Intro to Dinosaurs.
" My name is Mr.
Trifone, and I'd like to start today's class by talking about the Triassic Period.
- What's going on? - (YAWNS) His voice is like a lullaby.
Can't stay awake.
Thought I was gonna meet a dinosaur.
The climate during the Triassic Period was dry and warm.
Except on the days when it wasn't.
Those days were less dry, and less warm.
- Where am I? - You're in class.
We slept through the whole thing.
Amelia, get in the hot tub.
- (SLAP) - What? Uhhh Sorry.
I was dreaming you and I were in a well, you heard what I said.
What are we gonna do? This class was gonna be our easy "A.
" How do we stay awake with Professor Snoozeface? Is that really his name? I mean, it might be.
None of us were awake! You three are late for gym.
You fail! So? Did you do it? Is it over? Did he cry? I talked to Reese at the end of the day, and I told him what's what.
So, how was your lunch today? The turkey was a little bland.
But nice.
You didn't even bring it up? Nice, but bland, how much clearer could I have been? - Sister, I hear ya.
- (SIGH) You did great.
Although next time, you might wanna try using the words "I want to break up with you.
" I can't.
What if he thinks I'm mean? What if I scar him forever? What if I'm portrayed as the villain in the movie of Reese's life? Good! More roles for women.
- (SIGH) - Hey, what can I do to help? I don't know.
I just hate that I'm not brave enough to break up with him.
And that's how you climb a skyscraper using only two plungers! Dare completed! Why didn't I think of this before? Dirk is super brave.
Maybe he can help me.
Cool.
Because, it it sounds like this thing could've gotten real emotional, and you know, feelings? Gross.
Dirk? Could you teach me how to be brave enough to break up with Reese? Reese? You mean that boring guy who's so boring that he makes the word "boring" boring? Yep, that's m'guy.
Paige, it would be an honor to help you with your problem.
We'll do it the Dirk way! All right, Dare Me Bro, I'm ready for whatever crazy physical training you've got - Hello, Paige.
- (PEACEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) There will be no physical training.
To get to the root of your problem, we must take a journey of the mind.
Here we grow.
Spiritually.
Hey, guys! I'm Fraige.
I'm Pankie.
BOTH: And we're Bizaardfart! (FART NOISE) And that is how not to introduce a video.
Today, we're gonna teach you how not to do a lot of things.
In a segment we like to call "How Not To.
" How not to make ice.
- You just - It goes everywhere but (GASP) - (SINGING) Chilling - Solid form - BOTH: Oooooh - (BUZZER) How not to toast a bagel.
Bagel? You are one heck of a guy.
Cheers.
(BUZZER) How not to build a house of cards.
(BUZZER) Go fish.
This is how not to put on a sweater.
Got some nice pantaloons.
See, it's a nice little hood here.
Oh, no Oh no! - And that's how not to put on a sweater! - (BUZZER) How not to solve a math problem.
- All right, so, okay - Um, carry the one - Okay, okay, subtract that.
- So here's our answer.
We did it.
- (BELL) - Please subscribe.
It's down below.
I drew an arrow.
Right there.
It's not that hard.
Subscribe! Ahhhh! Dirk, what is all this stuff? Please call me Zenmaster Brah.
And welcome to my "dojah.
" Oh.
Thank "yah.
" (LAUGHS) What does that mean? Today, we will get to the root of your fears and conquer them.
It will take us many hours.
Please, stand right there.
Uhh okay.
Just stand? Right here? Am I doing it right? Do you want me to sit? I'm really good at sitting.
- And, we're done.
- What? You said many hours.
Your excessive questions provided me with information I needed to give you my Dare-ignosis.
So just, "dare" plus "diagnosis"? Pretty much.
Paige, you overthink things, creating questions that have no answers.
And in the absence of answers, you feel fear.
You're right.
I totally do that.
I I remember the first time my mom took me on a roller coaster.
The whole way up I couldn't stop thinking about everything that could go wrong.
I got so scared, I made them stop the ride.
Haven't been on a roller coaster since.
Wow.
That was a long story.
Okay.
So we got this.
So how's this gonna help me break up with Reese? Fear not.
I have the answer.
You must learn to do, not think.
(LOUD GONG) Aah! That was so much louder than I thought it was gonna be! What? Listen up, men! Our grade is on the line.
Mr.
Trifone has the most relaxing voice in the world.
But today we are prepared.
And we will stay awake! Hello, class.
Today, we'll be covering the long and exciting history of the triceratops.
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough.
Tell Amelia she loves me.
Bernie, no! Use your weapons! Fun fact about the triceratops (BANGS ON DESK) I'm up! (YAWNS) (HORN HONKS) Not today, Dr.
Snoozerman.
There are so many kinds of dinosaurs.
The stegosaurus.
The brontosaurus.
Huh! The the-saurus.
(CHUCKLES) I'm kidding, of course.
A little dinosaur humor.
I'm fading! Call for back up! Send in the bratty kids! (CLATTERING NOISES) Guys! We did it, we're gonna ace this cla (BERNIE SNORING) No, I dreamt the whole thing! What happened to our stay-awake plan? You fell asleep right after I asked what was in the box? Sorry, Mr.
Trifone.
You're probably really mad at us, huh? No.
This isn't your fault.
This has happened to me before.
I've been fired from every school I've ever taught at.
If I could change one thing about myself Sorry, you were sad? I mean saying? All I've ever wanted was to help people.
Maybe with this voice, it's just not possible.
Aw that was so boring and sad.
We need to help this sad man keep his job.
What's that, wife Amelia? You wanna get in the hot tub? What do you mean the heater's not working? Did you call the guy? Call the guy! Welcome! To the emotional gauntlet! Horse Face Guy, you had one job! (GONG) Paige, your objective is to take this ball with Reese's face on it, and dump him in the trash.
On the gauntlet, you will face obstacles that represent your fears about breaking up with Reese.
Dirk are you sure I'm ready for this? I have faith in you.
Don't think just do.
Let the gauntlet begin.
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) I'm Reese's mom.
You're all my son has.
Please don't break up with him.
I I I don't wanna hurt your son.
I guess we can stay together? (AIR HORN, PENALTY BEEPS) Don't think! You're in your head too much! Okay! Sorry, Reese's mom! (GRUFF VOICE) I'm Future Reese.
You broke up with me 20 years ago and I still haven't recovered.
No, I I don't wanna ruin your life.
DIRK: My life wouldn't be ruined if you were in it.
Aww.
You mean that? Of course, baby.
You're my everything.
(AIR HORN, PENALTY BEEPS) Paige! What are you doing? I don't know! DIRK: I'm Reese's broken heart! Not fallin' for it! DIRK: I'm Reese's liver.
The heart was my best friend and now my heart is broken.
That doesn't make medical sense! I deserve to be happy! I'm breaking up with you, Reese! (ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Paige! You completed the gauntlet! By the way, it was me doing all the voices.
I didn't think! I just acted! Now when I see Reese, I'll be able to break up with him for real! I'm glad you feel that way.
Because I invited him here.
What? Hey, Paige! Reese! Hey! Uhh We were just talkin' about you! Yeah, we were.
Well, Dirk said you have something important to tell me.
Uh I do.
Reese? I think we should take our relationship to the next level.
Wanna go to the school dance? Sounds great.
I'll wear my new suit.
It's very plain.
- What happened? - I don't know.
What's wrong with me? Why am I such a scaredy cat? (SIGH) I'm just so tired of being on this emotional roller coaster.
Emotional roller coaster, you say? Yeah, I literally just said that.
Why'd you say it slower? Dirk? Where am I? We're at the end of your journey.
Ohhh Ohh Oh! A roller coaster? And not the emotional kind! The backwards kind! (SCREAMS) That's so much worse! (SCREAMS) Hey, guys! Paige and Frankie here with our friends, Bernie, Amelia, Dirk and Horse Face Guy.
Today, we're gonna be playing "Pass the Dance.
" We'll each take turns doin' our favorite dance move, then the next person has to do all of the dance moves of the people before them.
And add their own.
What if we can't remember the dance moves? I'm asking for a friend.
If you can't remember, you're out.
I I mean, your friend is.
Coo, coo coo, coo coo, coo.
- Paige? Pass the dance.
- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right.
- Oh.
- Oh! (BELL) - Ooh, ho! - Ohhh! (BELL) All righty.
- Yeah.
- (BELL) - What is? - What? Fancy.
(BELL) - Okay.
- Ohhhh! Oh, okay.
All right.
- Oh, wow, that was good.
- Woooo! - No! - (BUZZER) - Noooo! - You're out! (SHOUTING) Paige, I can't do that! (BUZZER) It's getting hard.
It's getting hard.
- Oh! - (SHOUTING) (BUZZER) Whoa! Ohhh! (BELL) - You're out! - (BUZZER) - I didn't know this was a dance move.
- (LAUGHING) - Oh! Snap! - (SHOUTING) How's he gonna do that? - (LAUGHING) - (BELL) - Ooh.
- Ohh! - (BUZZER) - Yeah! - (SHOUTING) - DIRK: That's my boy! BERNIE: I am the champion! - Yeah! - Yes! - (SCREAMS) - Wooooo! I feel like we're screaming for different reasons! Paige, if you could face your biggest fear, you could do anything.
Even break up with Reese.
You have until we reach the top to tell me to stop this ride.
How much higher are we going? Many.
Moons.
Higher.
This coaster is called "The Death Maker.
" "The Death Maker"? It makes death? Hey, how'd you know the slogan? Dirk, I I I I don't think I can do this.
Yes, you can.
You must be this tall to ride the ride.
Spiritually.
You can't just keep saying "spiritually" and think it means something! Dirk, I I I don't need Zenmaster Brah right now.
I need you to be my friend.
I am your friend, Paige.
Do you know why I became Dare Me Bro? Because when I was younger, I was afraid of everything.
I couldn't even leave my room.
And then one day I just dared myself to face my fears.
You were afraid? But But you're so brave.
It's okay to think about how hard something is.
Bravery is doing it anyway.
Paige you can do this.
I dare you to face your fears.
Dare accepted.
Here we go! - (PAIGE SCREAMS) - Whoaaaaaa! Mr.
Trifone, great news.
We borrowed a speaker system from the AV Club to help amplify your voice.
Now your students will never fall asleep again! And you can give us all "A" s! For caring and whatnot! I appreciate that, but I actually quit teaching.
I got a job at a sleep therapy company.
I'll be recording my voice to help people fall asleep.
(HITS FLOOR) You're going to be very successful.
Frankie! I did it! I faced my fears and rode the Death Maker! Great.
I've been asking you to go on the Death Maker for three months, but sure, go on with Zen Master McManbun.
Hey, if you makes you feel any better, I threw up on him a lot.
Yeah, it does.
But now I am finally ready to end things with Reese.
Oh, there he is.
Good luck.
Listen, Reese, there's something I've been meaning to I think we should break up.
I'm sorry, what? I've been wanting to do it for a while now, I just didn't know how.
I was hoping you'd end things with me first.
That's why I've been acting so boring lately.
I'm sorry, what? Come on, I made a bad joke every day.
All I talked about was soup.
I even said, "Reese you later.
" What more do you need? Sorry, I hope we can still be friends? Yeah.
You okay? Was I wrong about Reese? Should I try and get him back? Should I hired a skywriter? I love you.
You're gonna be fine.
I think we just need to do something that'll clear your head.
Why do I keep falling for this? - Whoaaaaa! - (PAIGE SCREAMS)