Disenchantment (2018) s02e16 Episode Script

1 [opening theme music playing.]
Hey [suspenseful music playing.]
[Bean.]
Dad? He's gone under! Somebody help! I can see you up there.
Is that you, Turbish? I'll do it.
Farewell, Turbish, you coward! I'll save you, sire.
[yelps.]
[muffled clang.]
Sire? Sire? Bean, are you alive? Move your leg if you're alive.
[grunts.]
Ow.
- [squawking.]
- Ah! A bird's pecking at me.
[grunting.]
I'm chiseling as fast as I can.
That decade in the Butterscotch mine is finally paying off.
What? - [Elfo.]
Luci, give me a hand.
- This'll do.
[grunts.]
[exclaiming.]
La-da-di, la-da-da [grunts.]
[grunting.]
It's stuck.
She ain't getting out of there anytime soon.
- [floor rattles.]
- Uh-oh.
[all screaming.]
Oh, wait a minute.
Why am I falling? I've got wings.
[grunts.]
Let go, you battle toads! You're too heavy.
No! Either we all survive, or none of us do.
- That's the deal.
- That's not the deal.
- We made a deal.
- No, we did not.
I'm sure we did.
I signed a prenup secretly.
That says what? We break up? I don't know.
I can't read.
Um, Luci - Shut up, Elfo.
- Shut up, Elfo.
[all screaming.]
- [exclaims.]
- [gasps.]
[coughing.]
Careful, boys.
This is the spot where my dad disappeared.
Don't worry.
We're well beyond the crab zone.
[gasps.]
Well, my wish just came true.
What's your wish, Bean? [exclaims.]
Very funny, guys.
Quit playing around.
- [intense music playing.]
- [muffled screaming.]
[screeching.]
[gasping heavily.]
[inhales deeply.]
[somber music playing.]
[gasps, coughs.]
What is this place? Ugh! I hope somewhere with towels.
It's just like that play castle Dad forced the servants to build and populate with their own children, so I could learn to boss people around.
Yeah.
Dad? Luci? [gasps.]
Elfo! Oh, no! What have they done to you my poor, sweet, brave, beautiful Elfo? [Elfo quietly.]
Go on.
But keep it quiet.
- [gasps.]
- [shatters.]
Oh, my What did I just say? Elfo, what the hell happened? [shushes.]
God, you're so bad [loudly.]
at following instructions! [quietly.]
I'm hiding from the enemy.
There's a free pedestal.
Get on it and make like a statue.
I'm not doing that.
And you look ridiculous.
Come on.
And lose the chafing dish.
[groans.]
You were nicer when you thought I was dead.
So, what happened? What pulled you under water? I can't remember.
I passed out.
You know, from being so brave.
All right, let's go find Zøg and Luci 'cause this needs a buffer.
[grunts.]
Dad? Luci? Dad? - Luci? - [Luci.]
Luci? - Luci! - Luci! [yelling.]
Luci! [grunts.]
- Luci! - Don't worry, Luci.
You still have your best feature your giant schnozzola.
I should kick your ass for that.
- Have you seen Luci? - You are Luci.
No, my body, dimwit.
It's the lower part that does the bad things the upper part thinks of.
Eh, there you are.
- Jab.
Cross.
- [groaning.]
- Jab! Hook! - Ow! Missed me.
- Cross! - [groans.]
Now kick him in the grapes.
They're not that small.
All right, kick him in the plums.
That's better.
Thank you.
Ow! [groaning.]
Oh, my grapes.
Okay, that's enough.
I let it go on for too long.
- [grunts.]
- Ow! There was a moment where I missed you - [Luci.]
Mmm.
- and now we're back.
[suspenseful music playing.]
So, what grabbed you guys? They were these disgusting little sea slugs with teeth as sharp as nails, nails as sharp as claws and claws as sharp as teeth.
Barely got away with my life.
What about my dad? Where'd they take him? Ah.
Somehow we got separated when I ran away and didn't look back.
We have to find him.
[scoffs.]
Really? What has Zøg done for me lately? The guy still thinks I'm a cat.
Excuse me, but I'm a demonic agent of chaos and destruction who just happens to like belly rubs.
Bean, last time I checked, you like your belly rubbed.
- Yea or nay? - Yea.
[scoffs.]
Okay, I'm doing this one time.
[exclaiming in pleasure.]
- Don't make me sorry.
- That feels good, man.
- Okay, too far.
You went too far.
- [chuckling.]
- Bean, I owe you.
- Okay.
Let's go get my dad.
God Everything in this place is so cute and clammy.
Whoa! I think we're in an elf castle.
Why build a castle at the bottom of the sea? Yeah, we don't even like taking baths.
Hey, dumbasses, wasn't always underwater.
It was attached to Dreamland Castle.
[screaming in distance.]
Oh, no.
Dad! They're killing him.
Oh, good.
We're too late.
Shall we just save ourselves then? [sighs grimly.]
Inka-binka, tinka-binka.
Damn it.
[all gasp.]
[screaming.]
Dad, no! Back off, you slime bags, or I'll stomp your guts out.
Bean, what the hell are you doing? Aren't they tryin' to kill you? - You screamed.
- Of course I screamed.
With glee! Look! These hideous freaks are sittin' on a veritable gold mine of jewels and gold! [squeals.]
Can you believe it? We're rich! What do you mean, "We're rich"? Isn't it their stuff? What she means is what's more important is that we're rich on the inside.
[giggles.]
I can't believe you're that greedy, Elfo.
[giggles.]
What you laughing at? Oh, the rubies are tickling my nipples.
Can we go now? This one's looking at me funny.
[screeches.]
Hello.
Welcome to the home of the sea Trøgs.
I am King Dripo.
Yeah, uh, great.
Anyway, where did you get all this gold and treasure and baubles and loot? What is this gold and money you speak of? All the sparklies here, we find in the ships that sink from the surface.
It's a gift from the water.
[in unison.]
Thanks, water! - And this castle? - Is our home.
We moved in ages ago.
Zero percent down.
Well, why did you bring us here? We thought he was a delicious walrus to eat.
But then we realized his face was the same as the gold-face man from the coins.
You're a celebrity down here.
[in unison.]
Coin man, coin man.
Clumpy dumpy coin man! [laughing.]
So we invite you as guest of honor at our special brunch this afternoon.
Oh, um, that's really nice of you, but we can't stay, we have so much Time on our hands.
Of course, we can stay.
It'd be rude of us not to take advantage of their gullibility.
- Gullibility? - Gullibility? I'm so sorry.
My Dad didn't mean to offend you.
Well, that's quite all right.
We don't have thoughts.
It's mostly mucus.
Yeah.
[laughing.]
Hey, Dripo, uh, since we're hanging out, eh, how about you show me around your castle? Uh, your vaults, the place where you keep your wheelbarrows? Okay, but watch your step.
We've got a terrible emerald problem.
Bean, Elfo, you know what to do.
Okay, so you're just gonna blindly follow my dad's orders? Bean, I'm well aware of the moral implications of what I'm doing.
But I'll have plenty of time to worry about that when I'm rolling in tickle rubies.
[clinking.]
[sighs.]
Mmm.
[whispers.]
Dad, you gotta quit stealing.
You're embarrassing me and Dreamland and humanity.
Me? What about Elfo? He ain't even human.
Ow, my raisins.
Humph.
There's no talking to him.
Elfo's gone Elfo.
[chuckles.]
I'm a noun and a verb.
What's that? Sea salt, ginger, a hint of lemon juice over lightly seared my cousin Roger.
You might want to eat around the venom sac.
Enjoy! Uh, pass the cousin Roger and coleslaw, please.
Oh [grunts.]
Am I seeing things or did my food just wink at me? [whispers.]
Shh! I'm still alive.
Smuggle me out your large intestine.
[yelps.]
Thank you.
[chomps.]
You know, this place reminds me of that old story.
- You remember, Beanie? - What? No.
Ah! You know about how we stole Dreamland from the elves.
It was my favorite bedtime story.
- What the hell? - Elfo, please.
- What the hell? - You cuddly fascist! Hey, I always just figured it was a fairy tale, you know? Each daddy king tells his future kiddy king.
Though I did wonder why I was sworn to secrecy and threatened with death if I ever told any of my friends.
What? I thought we were the heroes.
Turns out we're the bad guys.
After dessert, this means war.
Uh, it was a long time ago.
No hard feelings, huh, Elfo? I'm gonna stab your eyeballs out with this mini fork.
To Elfo that's a regular fork.
I respect your death threat.
Now hand me that silver gravy boat, and let's beat it! This is crazy.
My whole plan to rule is about kindness and acceptance and being regarded as that queen who's also cool.
Yeah, baby.
Dad, we have to atone for what our ancestors did.
That means, no taking things that don't belong to us.
Ah, damn it! Why'd I have to have a daughter who can think? Let's just get out of here, huh? Oh, you must stay! The mating ritual is about to begin.
Ha-ha.
Yeah.
No, sorry.
Mmm.
We ain't so keen on seein' a bunch of slugs going at it sluggy style.
- That's disgusting.
- No, it is not disgusting.
I hope? These people were here before us.
They shared cousin Robbie with us.
- Uh, it's Roger.
- Right.
We need to respect their culture, so we're going to sit here and enjoy this nasty mating ritual.
And maybe after that, they can come see our mating ritual.
We've got a freaky secret society I think you might actually really be into.
Oh, no.
We could never go above water.
The sun dries us out instantly.
Oh, like this wrinkly cadaver? That's my third wife, Rashi.
But, yes.
Let the spawning begin.
[sea Trøgs vocalizing.]
Do it! Noice.
Here, take this sacred pearl of [speaking indistinctly.]
[exclaims and laughs.]
[scoffs.]
Humans.
They swipe our candy, our castle, and now our jewels.
And then when they're done with us, they chuck us in the ocean.
That's the human way.
- Dad, no! - Oh, let him have it, Bean.
Pearls don't go with your whole tomboy femme thing anyway.
No! Give it back! [sarcastically.]
Oh, great.
Look what you did.
A diplomatic incident.
[suspenseful music playing.]
No! [sighs grimly.]
Damn it.
Yes! No! Come on.
What the hell? [groans.]
Ho! Striker? What are you doing down here? Speak up.
Are you in there? Tell Turbish I hate him.
- Ho, ho! - [eerie music playing.]
Hey, it's Princess What's-Her-Name of Dreamland! Sven? The Viking from Who Cares? - Hey, girlie.
- Forget it.
You look hot tonight.
Uh-huh.
What happened to you guys? A lot since you dropped us through that trapdoor.
[chuckles nervously.]
Right.
Oopsie.
Sorry.
Of course.
And I don't hold a grudge.
Mostly just larvae.
Ew! Ugh! Listen, Sven, can you tell me exactly how this happened in the least gross way possible? That's going to be hard.
I got a lot of worms in my throat.
[choking.]
But anyway, we got invited to the swing and mating ritual.
Mating ritual? Oh, no! I gotta go.
Do you want me to put you out of your misery? No, it's okay.
I like being a dad.
[coughs.]
[Bean screaming.]
[panting.]
Hi, everyone.
Guys, no time to explain.
Just cover your holes and let's roll.
We can't leave now, Bean.
Don't you want to watch the mating ritual and give back all the stuff we stole they so nicely said they won't kill us for stealing? We're respecting their culture, Bean.
- Respecting their culture.
- Respecting their culture.
[groaning.]
[gasps.]
Come on, Bean.
All the cool kids are doing it.
[groans.]
Join us.
I don't need to blink anymore.
Join us.
- [all.]
Join us.
- Oh [all.]
Join us.
Oh, God.
[Luci.]
It's not a cult, it's a religion.
- [sea Trøg.]
Join us.
- [Luci.]
Read our pamphlets.
Stop whimpering, Derek.
I see something.
I'm not whimpering, I have scurvy.
[muffled.]
What the [grunting.]
- You'll like it, Bean.
- Things are much better this way.
I used to be all like, "Do it, do it, do it.
" But now I'm like, "Or don't.
" Yeah, I had this hang-up about my bum-bum, but now I'm all, "Whatever, smack that thing all you want.
" Who needs treasure when you got worms in your ass? See, dear? It's not so bad.
And we're progressive.
Even females can have slime babies.
What about the people in the basement? You turned them into blob-hatching zombies.
You saw Carcass Cavern? I mean, Human Host Hatchery? I mean, Sleepy-time Nursery? Oh, come on, Bean.
It's really not that bad.
It'll be over in a second.
Look, I'll put another one in.
See? Here it goes.
[chuckles.]
Oh, it tickles.
It tickles so much.
Ah ah ah! [screaming.]
[breathing heavily.]
See? [chuckles nervously, screams.]
It's easy.
Do you want another one? Um, I like the worms, but I don't like the way they make me feel.
Turn her head.
[grunts.]
[exclaiming in horror.]
- Is rescue, or leave.
- [yelps.]
- Is, you baby blue goddess.
- Hop on! Signal.
[exclaims.]
Elfo! [sea Trøgs growling.]
[inhales deeply.]
[yelping.]
[gasps.]
[screeching.]
[sizzling.]
Argh! Gross.
Uh, guys, I'm a bloodthirsty pirate now, so I don't care about nothing.
But, uh, where's Bean? [Bean.]
Help.
Help! Shut up, Nadia.
Help me! Anyone! Oh, God! Actually, Satan! Please! Daddy [gurgling.]
Mommy! I'm sorry.
I love you [gurgling.]
[muffled.]
Open.
Oh, don't worry.
Bean always makes it.
Yeah, always.
[uplifting music playing.]
[bell chimes.]
Damn it.
[grunts.]
I gotta go.
[uplifting music continues.]
[groans softly.]
[sighs.]
[closing theme music playing.]