DuckTales (2017) s02e16 Episode Script

1 [EVIL LAUGHING.]
So bad.
[LOUD POOF.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the pebble in the penny loafer of depravity! I am Darkwing Duck? Ah, so you've heard of me.
Let's get dangerous.
Ow! [GRUNTS.]
Dangerous? Aah! [GRUNTS.]
Dangerous [BOTH GRUNT.]
Oh, my goodness.
Okay! You think a few very painful explosions can stop me? Now, let's see who you really are [GASPS.]
Me?! Whoa, what a twist! What?! I never saw that coming! Wait, haven't you seen this episode? Seventy-five times! But never in a parking lot.
Sadly, beloved TV show Darkwing Duck, starring me, Jim Starling, was canceled before we could end this story.
But there's no end to the savings at Siesta Rick's Sofa Fiesta! [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK.]
[SIGHS.]
Let's get comfortable! Ha-ha! I'll be signing autographs for one and all! - [CROWD GRUMBLING.]
- If one and all want one! - No! - Oh, my gosh, no.
Buncha ingrates.
- You good? - Yep.
Totally cool.
Thanks for being here.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Okay, keep it together! "I am your biggest fan!" No.
"I have modeled my entire life after yours.
" "I wanna keep you in a big jar in my closet!" [LAUGHS.]
Calm down, buddy.
Jim Starling's just a regular guy.
I've been to plenty of these signings, and one day, I'm actually gonna meet him.
Wait.
If you've seen him so many times, how come you've never talked to him? [JIM STARLING.]
Next! - Uhh - [DRAKE GRUNTS.]
This is why.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
Ducktales Whoo-ooh Look, I'm the one and only Darkwing Duck.
I need a real gig.
I'm bigger than sofa store openings.
Eh I don't care that they sell recliners, too! [CLEARING THROAT.]
[GROANS.]
Mr.
Starling, you have meant so much to me.
I I actually have a very important question for you.
Y-Y Great.
Who do I make this out to? Oh! Um, uh, I am the terror that flaps in the night! [CHUCKLES.]
I am the president of your fan club.
I am [JIM STARLING.]
Yeah, yeah.
That'll be 15 bucks.
Stay dangerous.
Waaaiiit! Uh, yes? A fresh-faced new fan! I knew the kids still loved me.
[LAUGHS.]
Who do I make this out to? [GRUNTS.]
Oh, the fainter's back.
He'd really appreciate it if you could sign his poster? [DEWEY.]
"#DarkwingDuck" Whoa! That's weird.
"Darkwing Duck" is trending number one worldwide.
What?! Gimme! It says here they're making a movie of Darkwing Duck! They are? We am?! Darkwing Duck is back, baby! He is?! - [EXCLAIMS.]
- [BOTH GRUNT.]
It's him! Uhh [ALL GRUNT.]
[LAUNCHPAD GRUNTING.]
Launchpad! Stop looking in the rearview mirror.
Yup! Totally profesh.
No problem-ohh - [BRAKES SQUEAL.]
- Hey! Fragile cargo, huh! [CHUCKLES.]
Back on top.
Arriving on set for a big-shot movie in style.
Thanks for the ride, fans.
Wow.
I am going to a real movie studio! Where larger-than-life big-screen legends are born! And you get to ride there with a real-life movie star! [SNIFFING.]
Musky.
Are we sure about this guy? Why wouldn't the studio send a car for him? Or, you know, tell him the movie exists? They couldn't make a movie without him.
Jim Starling is Darkwing Duck! Ya dang right he is, buddy! Heh.
[GASPS.]
I'm his buddy! Uhh Oh, man.
I hope whoever owns the studio isn't mad at Wait, what the ?! Sorry, you need more money for ? The grand finale of my film.
A psychological examination of man's inhumanity to man! Alistair, I haven't seen a movie since 1938.
This studio was built to make cheap Office Safety Videos for my company.
You convinced me a "fun little action movie" would double my profits, but you're already over budget.
If you want one penny more, I have to be consulted on all decisions.
How dare you, sir? An artist's integrity Splendid.
The movie should be in color.
Color's all the rage these days.
Oh! And the villain is going to need a mustache to twirl whenever he does something evil.
Heh You have a movie studio that could fulfill a starry-eyed boy's cinematic dreams.
Why didn't you tell me?! To avoid this exact conversation.
Okay, yeah, no, I can see that.
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
- I am the comeback the audience demands! - [ALL GASP.]
I am a huge fan, Alistair Borswan! I mean, I've never actually seen your work, but you're British, so I'm sure that it's very classy, and yeah Uh, yes.
And you are? [LAUGHING.]
British and funny? Whoa! This feels like the beginning of a great creative partnership! Aw, cool! A big-budget reboot of a thing I loved as a kid! Those are always great! Is Darkwing's motorcycle in it? Is he still a noble hero who gets back up and fights for right, no matter what evil throws at him? You're keeping the theme song, right? Would you like to see the trailer? Ooh! Aah! [GIGGLING.]
[THUNDER CRACKING.]
[NARRATOR.]
Within every man, there is a war.
- Not of action, but of ideas.
- [DEWEY.]
Ugh! - [NARRATOR.]
There is no right or wrong.
- [MAN SCREAMING.]
No heroes or villains.
Only darkness.
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
- There is one man who can fight the darkness.
[LAUNCHPAD.]
Yeah! Here we go, baby! [THUNDER CRASHES.]
- [NARRATOR.]
With more darkness.
- [LAUNCHPAD.]
What's this, now? - [SCREAMING.]
- It's the Dark-wing! Run! You can't just flap around in the night! You'll terrify people! It's too dangerous! [Narrator.]
Darkwing: First Darkness.
This film not suitable for children.
That is not Darkwing Duck! DW'd never hurt innocent people or set the city on fire.
Not on purpose.
But are we all not both the heroes and the villains of our own story? What? I don't What?! Well, I kinda like it! Grim, gritty.
Shows off my dark, smoldering side.
Ooh! Ahh! - I kinda hated it.
- What?! I didn't understand what was happening or what the bad guy was doing or even who the bad guy was.
I knew he needed a moustache! It needs aliens! Oh! Or ninjas! Or the streetwise sidekick who skateboards everywhere and talks in catchphrases, like ya Dewey! This is your main audience.
If this fiasco is gonna make money, it has to appeal to the most childish child I know.
Dewey's in charge.
- What?! No! - Yes! Let's talk musical numbers! How many is not enough? Don't listen to these yahoos.
We're making art! When do we start? Uh, we're almost finished, actually.
Ah.
So we're shooting the Darkwing scenes last.
No.
Of course! I'll be be put in with CGI! [CHUCKLES.]
[SIGHS.]
You are not playing Darkwing Duck.
He is.
[COOL GUITAR RIFF PLAYING.]
- Huh? - You?! Mr.
Starling! Uh, we met at the signing.
You fell on me, remember? It was a huge honor.
Uh, do you have any words of wisdom for the man stepping into your cape? [BOTH EXCLAIMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[BONES CRACKING.]
That is not the Darkwing Duck I know and love! Yeah! It's not me! I wish there was some way we could show them - how great the old - Original.
uh, original Darkwing is.
Hey, maybe there is.
Are you with me, sidekick? Okay.
What's the plan? I break onto the set, you find this new hack actor's trailer, lock him up.
I replace him in the finale, they see I'm obviously better, I'm back on top! Any questions? - Seven.
- Pick the most important one.
"Breaking in," "locking up.
" Doesn't that sound not heroic? When the chips are down and everyone's against him, what does Darkwing Duck do? Get back up and fight for right.
And I'm Darkwing Duck, right? Of course! I'll have to disguise myself to get past the guard.
Luckily, I can disappear into any role.
I am the courier who delivers the [SPUTTERING, COUGHING.]
Whoo! [COUGHS.]
[GRUNTS.]
What production you delivering to? [COUGHING.]
Darkwing Duck.
[COUGHS.]
Huh? Never heard of it.
What?! Remake of the popular TV show.
A superhero for the ages? [GUARD.]
Oh! Like Gizmoduck.
[JIM STARLING.]
No! Not like Gizmoduck! [GRUMBLING.]
Like Gizmod - Darkwing Duck! - [GROANS.]
[JIM STARLING.]
"Let's get dangerous.
" Badaba! None of this rings a bell, seriously? Uh, we got a situation.
Requesting backup.
[GRUNTS.]
[GUARD RADIO CHATTER.]
[GRUNTS.]
[STRUGGLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Mmm Aah! Unh! Perfect.
Now, I wait for that phony actor, lock the door, and us, the good guys, win.
Totally heroic.
Mm.
[GRUNTING.]
It's already locked.
The plan is falling apart.
Help! I'm trapped in a prison of guilt! [GRUNTING.]
Fear not, helpless Oh, hey, it's you.
I I heard your cries, and I freed you from my trailer? What what what are you doing in my trailer? Definitely not locking you in here to sabotage your movie buddy? Ahh [EXCLAIMS.]
- [EXCLAIMS.]
- [CRASHES INTO TOILET.]
Aw, man.
I'm sorry.
You will be, villain! [BOTH EXCLAIMING.]
I've just gotta fix the movie to make Darkwing look like a hero! Oh, so what, you're gonna hold me hostage? Yeah.
Real heroic.
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! [LAUNCHPAD GRUNTS.]
Wait, don't touch that! Whoa! A vintage Darkwing Duck Grim Avenger Grape Shampoo bottle?! [GRUNTING.]
- [HEAVY GRUNT.]
- Oh! My Darkwing Adventures comics! It's a complete run! Huh? [GASPS.]
Is that ? [BOTH.]
A hyper-rare Battle-Hat Darkwing Duck Action Figure! I thought these were banned because they posed a blinding hazard for kids! May I? Ah, a keen eye.
I insist.
Ow! Cool! [JIM STARLING SCREAMING.]
Gentlemen, thank you for coming to today's presentation.
What is this? Oh, you're in the "Splash Zone.
" Sir, you cannot expect me to hand over the finale of my grim, complex masterpiece to this child.
Filmmaking is a team effort! You've got to be open to new ideas.
The time: dusk.
Neon! Drama! Those big lightning tower things! An epic showdown between Darkwing Duck and the villainous villain Megavolt! - Question.
- Who has a moustache.
Question rescinded.
Your pyro-pandemonium is passé, Hot Couture! Au contraire, Darkwing.
I'm setting the fashion world on fire! [WHOOSHING SOUNDS.]
Oh, no! Aah! Work through the pain.
You got this.
Oops.
My bad.
Hey, I had that same lunchbox as a kid.
Not like this one.
Now, shocking as it may sound, I was not the coolest kid growing up.
What? No.
I know, right? But one day, I saw this show about this hero.
He was unstoppable.
No matter how many times he was beat up or blown up or electrocuted [LAUNCHPAD.]
No matter how many planes he crashed or or how much property damage he caused [DRAKE.]
He always got back up and fought for what's right.
[LAUNCHPAD.]
So you got that lunchbox, everyone saw how cool you are, and they stopped beating you up! [DRAKE.]
Oh, no.
They they beat me up much harder.
But I kept getting up.
Look, I know this movie's not perfect.
But I really want to make it better.
Then, maybe I can be on the lunchbox that inspires some other kid like me.
And a cut of the toy sales would be nice.
You are a true fan.
We can save this movie! We gotta tell Mr.
Starling.
Yeah, I I don't know.
He kind of wants to make me not alive anymore.
Get your cape.
We're gonna save Darkwing Duck.
[PANTING.]
[GASPS.]
How hard can it be to find an idiot in a purple cape? Follow me, Darkwing Dance Crew.
To stardom! [DANCERS.]
One, two, three, and four.
Up and down and left and right.
Left and right and up and down.
Up and down and left and right.
It's so easy, it's so right.
Up and down and left and right.
- Up and down and left and right.
- [YELPS.]
- Left and right and up and down.
- [GRUNTS.]
Up and down and left and right.
Dewey, the actor playing Darkwing is a big fan, so Jim can give him pointers and help make him more heroic, and together, we're going to convince Borswan to fix the movie.
Have you seen Jim? He might be on my set! They're letting me do whatever I want, and it's crazy and huge, and I don't even know if it's any good.
Follow me! [BOTH.]
Making movies is fun! [STRUGGLING.]
Mr.
Starling! There you are.
- Mm! - I am so sorry about everything.
You helped me through a really rough time.
Your heart is in my lunchbox.
Come work on the movie with me.
Together, we can inspire a new generation and make the best Darkwing Duck ever! Yes.
I will.
[GRUNTING.]
Ow! Oh! Why? We! Fix movie.
Together.
Why? Stupid.
Movie star.
Face.
Get.
In! - [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
- [PANTING.]
Showtime! [EVIL LAUGHING.]
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
What?! No, no, no, no, no, no! Easy, Matthew.
Don't want that baby out of tune for the big musical number.
What did you do to my psychological masterpiece? I added chainsaw jugglers.
You're welcome.
[SAWING.]
- I don't know about this.
- Thank you! The villain's moustache has to be at least twice as twirly.
[SIGHS.]
- [SIGHS, EXCLAIMS.]
- Listen Ignore all these distractions.
Stick to our script.
Darkwing confronts Megavolt, surrenders, then takes a knee.
[SCOFFS.]
Excuse me! I didn't work this hard to make a comeback just to lose a fight to that joker.
Oh! There you are! Did you find ? Uh, that actor kid? Yeah.
Said I could film the finale.
- He did? - Oh, yeah.
Stubbed his toe really badly and just quit.
Movie stars.
One little boo-boo and they fall apart.
That doesn't sound like him.
And why are you saying things all mean? And action! You can't defeat me! I'm awesome! Surrender, and do it now! I've lost the ability to surrender to a two-bit, ten-watt dim bulb like you! Wait.
Who is that? Why isn't his robot face coming off? [JIM STARLING.]
Feast on this! [GRUNTS.]
[CREW PANICKING.]
Quick! Cut! No cuts! - Jim Starling never cuts! - Huh? [JIM STARLING.]
I'll film this finale if it kills me.
And everyone on this roof! [DRAKE.]
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the overstuffed burrito that spills onto the lap of crime.
I am Darkwing Duck! No, I am! [GRUNTING.]
[WHIMPERING.]
What is that idiot doing? Drawing fire.
Get everyone out! Ugh! [GRUNTING.]
We've gotta stop the flames! I'll keep him distracted.
You turn on the rain machine.
[BOTH.]
Let's.
Get.
Dangerous.
- This is so cool! - [GASPS.]
I know! It feels so right! [BOTH EXHALE.]
[GROWLS.]
Ha-ha! What?! I knocked you out cold.
Like, a lot! I don't want to brag, but I'm incredibly strong and resilient.
Oh, really? - Darkwing! - No! [EVIL LAUGHTER.]
Uh, what? Get back up.
Darkwing! No! [GROANING.]
[PIANO KEYS PLAY.]
[EXCLAIMS.]
Why won't you stay down? [EXCLAIMING.]
[MACHINE WHIRRING.]
Keep getting up [GROWLS.]
[GASPS, GRUNTS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING, EXCLAIMING.]
Uncle Scrooge, stop the bad guy! Which is the bad guy?! If only one had a blasted moustache! [BOTH GRUNTING, EXCLAIMING.]
Oh! [GROANS.]
[STRAINING.]
Aah! Show's over, Dead Meat Duck.
[GRUNTS.]
Stop! You're not a villain.
You're a hero.
Our hero.
No matter how hopeless things got, Darkwing Duck got back up and did what was right.
For Darkwing Duck is bigger than one man.
He is the hope that flaps in the night.
This may be the most eloquent Launchpad has ever been.
He knows a lot about this one thing.
But he is light.
Just.
And the most tenacious part of all good men.
Um, Launchpad? Inspiring the citizenry to rise to a new Promethean Hey, dummy, it's about to blow! You really can't stop him once he gets started.
Well, yeah.
He's your biggest fan.
[LAUNCHPAD.]
one who subjugates his will.
To the will of the common good.
A caring duck of mystery.
A champion of right.
Who is the cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? - I got ya! - No, I got him! about ourselv unh! [BOTH GRUNT.]
[SCREAMS.]
[BOTH GASP.]
[STRUGGLING.]
That was the perfect end! A hero grappling with his dark id.
In a cleansing rain! Here's the footage.
[GASPS.]
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
No! Over the entire fight? It's my masterpiece.
Well, this was a disaster.
I'm shutting this down.
There will never be a Darkwing Duck movie.
Well, there's still no sign of Starling.
The movie's ruined, I lost my big break, my hero tried to kill me, and, oh! I blew him up.
Oh, what am I gonna do now? What Darkwing Duck always does: Get back up.
You know, you could do this for real.
What? Be a superhero? I mean sure, I'm scrappy, I'm brave, I look great in the cape.
Gizmoduck does it.
I am better than Gizmoduck.
It's one thing to play a hero.
And it's another thing to actually be a hero.
Do it for Jim.
I don't know, I This whole thing sounds like it could get Dangerous? You already got one fan.
"Drake Mallard.
" Never heard of ya.
[JIM STARLING.]
It was all a setup.
That hack put my fan in danger to steal the glory and humiliate me.
They want grim and gritty, huh? Happy to play the part.
[EVIL LAUGHTER.]