Full House s02e16 Episode Script

Look, Michelle, look who Kimmy brought to see you.
Do you wanna pet the baby Sharpei? Uh-huh.
KIMMY: Come and see our new puppies.
Say hi fast before my mom sells them for a bundle.
Hi, doggy.
Let's teach them some tricks.
Okay.
Roll over.
D.
J: Roll over.
Michelle, you make a great pet.
I wonder if she can catch a Frisbee in her mouth.
Come on, Michelle.
Pet the puppies.
Okay, Michelle.
I'm watering my big plant, Scooby-Doo.
You water your little plant, Scrappy-Doo.
[IN SCOOBY-DOO VOICE.]
: I'm thirsty, Michelle.
Water me.
Water me.
Good morning, kids.
Come on, we gotta watch Danny's show.
- What's up? - Well Becky will wink if I have a date with her tonight.
One wink for yes.
Two winks for no.
If she gets something caught in her eye, you could end up engaged.
CHORUS SINGS: Wake up! All right, here we go.
Wake up, San Francisco.
I'm Danny Tanner.
And I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
Is that a wink or a blink? I don't know.
I was staring at her legs.
Anyway, before we bring our first guest out, I have a surprise.
I thought it'd be fun to see our city fresh through the eyes of a typical tourist from the Midwest, Mr.
Anderson.
DANNY: Hi there, Mr.
Anderson.
Ooh.
- What brings you to San Francisco? - Mommy.
Howie, say hi to the Bay Area.
Hi, Bay.
Hi, Howie.
Howie came all the way from Nebraska to visit with his Aunt Becky.
Oh, hold it.
You said, "tourist.
" This is your nephew.
Yes, my nephew the tourist.
Howie, before you give us your impressions on the city wave to Grandma Rose and Grandpa Wilbur.
Howie cute.
Rebecca, this is a shameless display of using our show just to talk to your family.
I'm sorry you had to see that, Mom, Dad, Cousin Ed.
Sorry, Danny.
I just thought it would be a nice gesture.
Hot dog, Joseph.
A double wink.
Chill that champagne, pal.
Howie, you're out of here.
Blow a kiss to San Francisco.
DANNY: Oh, that was sweet.
Come back anytime, Mr.
Anderson.
We'll be back with some real guests, so don't go away.
Ah, Michelle.
Joseph, it looks like our girl Michelle's got her very first crush.
You mean it, Michelle? You really like Howie? Nice boy.
[LAUGHS.]
Wait right there.
Wait right there.
Michelle, do you know who's right outside that door, young lady? I don't know.
Well, then, Joey tell Michelle about the bachelor she chose for her dream date.
Well, he's 2'9" and has blond hair and baby-blue eyes.
He hails from Valentine, Nebraska where his hobbies are playing with his food and hiding his shoes in the toilet.
Michelle, say hello to Howie Anderson.
Howie.
- Howie, say hi to Michelle.
- Hi, Michelle.
Hi, Howie.
I know what you're thinking, Michelle.
He's a lot taller in person.
Monkey.
Thank you.
I'd like you to meet Michelle's very first boyfriend Rebecca's nephew, Howie.
- Hey, kid.
- Hi, Howie.
Hi, girls.
He's cute, Michelle.
Now you have a boyfriend and I have a boyfriend and.
Well, two out of three is not bad.
[LAUGHS.]
Dad, was she really necessary? Jess, can you watch the kids? I wanna catch Joey's set at the Laugh Machine.
Because I love his act, and I get in free.
- Becky and I supposed to go out tonight.
- No, that's okay.
I can bring Howie back here.
I can give my sister a break on her last night in town.
The kids can play, and later you and I can play.
Have mercy.
You hear that, Michelle? It's our first double-date.
Camel.
Elephant.
I see where Michelle picked up that little trick.
Hey, I got it from the kid.
Ask her.
This thing's broken.
There, it's fixed.
Good, because it's yours.
I got it.
The all-time monster classic.
- The Wolf Man.
- All right! All right! All wrong.
You're not gonna watch this movie with us.
Yes, I am.
It's my house too.
This is too scary for you and this conversation is over.
We'll see about that.
Uncle Jesse.
Uncle Jesse.
She is such a tattletale.
I am not.
And I'm telling you said that.
What's all the ruckus in here? They say I can't watch The Wolf Man.
Whoa, The Wolf Man.
This is a great flick.
This guy's got scarier hair than Don King.
I gotta see this movie.
You're too young.
Remember when you watched The Blob? You wouldn't go near Jell-O for a month.
So? I watched The Wizard of Oz and I wasn't afraid of the Wicked Witch of the West.
[SINGS WIZARD OF OZ SONG.]
See, I'm cool.
Maybe she should wait until she's a little older.
Come on.
They can handle it.
The key to watching The Wolf Man is that he's a regular guy that gets a little cranky when the moon comes out.
[LAUGHING.]
I slay myself.
You'll be sorry.
The Wolf Man is gonna scare you bigtime.
If you don't scare me, nothing will.
Sorry.
Jess, I don't think that Stephanie's old enough to watch The Wolf Man.
Oh, come on, it's a fun little monster movie.
What's fun about a guy with a lot of hair who bites people? Come here, I'll show you.
Jess, are you telling me you'd let your kids watch anything they wanted? I'd make sure little Dustin knows the difference - between real and make-believe but-- - Yes, but what if? Dustin? You would name a kid Dustin? - Yeah, you got a better name? - I sure do.
Emily.
No son of ours is gonna be called Emily.
Our daughter's name is Emily.
Our son's name is Prescott.
Prescott? May as well name him Emily.
Our son is gonna be called Dustin.
- Prescott.
- Dustin.
- Prescott.
- Dust-- When did we have a kid? I don't know.
I'm sorry I missed it.
Oh, God, I'm embarrassed.
- Oh, boy.
I'll make you a deal.
- Hmm.
We won't name our kids until we've been dating at least three months.
- Okay, that's a fair deal.
- Deal.
Deal.
[WOLF HOWLING.]
[HOWLS.]
Hey, I'm into it.
D.
J: Hey, look out, lady! The Wolf Man's behind that tree.
Why is that woman in the woods at night anyway? She should be in a restaurant.
Shh.
- Drinks? [IN UNISON.]
: Aah! I told you they'd be scared.
They were scared of you, not the movie.
Shh.
Something's gonna happen.
I can tell because the music's getting scarier.
You girls all know that this is just make-believe, right? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
[ALL SCREAM IN UNISON.]
You women okay? Good.
All right.
Enjoy the movie.
It's a good flick.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
[IN UNISON.]
: Aww.
[IN UNISON.]
: Aww.
[IN UNISON.]
: Aww.
- Connie, look at your son.
- What a cute couple.
JESSE: They haven't left each other's side all day.
We better go.
You don't wanna miss your plane.
You're right.
It might accidentally take off on time.
Come on, Howie.
Wake up.
It's time to go.
Gotta go home.
Howie no go.
Howie yes go.
Howie go back home.
- Me go.
- No, little kemosabe.
No can go to Nebraska.
Take many moons.
Okay.
DANNY: Now say goodbye to Howie.
- Bye, Howie.
Well, she's hugging already.
She's definitely a Tanner.
Let's go, come on.
Come on.
[LAUGHING.]
- All right, let's go.
- All right, bye, everybody.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
I'm sorry, Michelle.
But you have to go back to sleep now.
- There you go.
Good night.
- Night-night.
Howie no bye-bye.
Howie no bye-bye.
Howie no bye-bye.
Howie.
Come on, honey.
You've gotta go to sleep.
It's 2 a.
m.
It's like she lost her best friend.
All she kept saying was, "Howie.
Howie.
" Shh.
Don't say the H word.
Look, she's finally asleep.
- Good night, Michelle.
- Good night, Michelle.
[HORN BEEPING.]
D.
J.
D.
J.
, did that horn wake you up? No, you woke me up, you little nerd bomber.
I know the Wolf Man's not real but if he was, would he be driving an Isuzu? Stephanie, the Wolf Man is just an actor who needs a flea collar.
Scary movies are just for fun.
In that case, I'm having the funnest night of my life.
Ha, ha, ha.
[ANIMAL HOWLING.]
That was the Gibblers' dog.
Look, I'll go make you some warm milk.
That'll help you sleep.
Thanks, D.
J.
Hurry up.
Mr.
Bear, did George Michael have that much hair on his face yesterday? I didn't think so.
[SCREAMING.]
Hey, hey, hey.
What's going on here? Why are you choking Mr.
Bear? I thought he was the Wolf Man.
You said there was no Wolf Man.
Joey, go get him.
He's driving an Isuzu.
What's going on? The Wolf Man movie scared Stephanie.
Who gave you permission to watch a monster movie? What? I just woke up.
How could I be in trouble? You let Stephanie watch The Wolf Man, now she can't sleep.
Well, D.
J.
and Kimmy were watching, and I didn't.
- You said you weren't gonna be scared.
- And you believed me? Honey I know you wanna do everything your big sister does but sometimes some things have to wait until you're older.
Every time I close my eyes I see that scary Wolf Man.
I admit he's no Rob Lowe.
If you saw him at home with his parents you'd probably think he's pretty funny.
The Wolf Man has parents? - Get out of here.
- Well, sure he does.
Let me show you.
Let's see.
We need a Wolf Man.
Someone with wild, uncontrollable hair.
Oh, gee.
Who let her watch the movie? Okay, I'll be Wolfie.
[GROWLS.]
Good, I'll be the father, Mr.
Wolf.
And I'll be the mother, Virginia Wolf.
Wolfie, what's the matter with you? Look at that posture.
Straighten up.
You'll get a hunchback.
You'll never get into Notre Dame.
Kids nowadays.
Were you out scaring people again, young man? King Kong does it.
Oh, and I suppose if King Kong jumped off the Empire State Building you'd do it too.
Now there's going to be no more howling at the moon no more chasing cars, and you tell little Stephanie you're sorry for scaring her.
I'm sorry, Steph.
I didn't think the movie would frighten you.
It's okay, Wolfie.
I'm not scared anymore.
Right.
Now, you see, Steph, see? Next time you're scared you just take all that scary stuff and turn it into something funny.
That'll come in handy next time I watch a monster movie.
Which will be never.
Come on, Steph.
Let's go to bed.
- I'll go tuck them in.
- I'll take care of them.
You, young man, go right back to bed, and remember brush your fangs and comb your face.
Good morning, Michelle.
Where Howie? Oh, pal, your friend Howie went back home to Nebraska which is a good four-week toddle from here.
Come on.
- You want some breakfast? - I want Howie.
Michelle.
Michelle, you.
Anybody out there? Help.
All right, Michelle.
Now if I give you a ride, will that make you happy? No.
How's she doing? Howie.
Any other questions? We gotta cheer this kid up.
Michelle, we'll play with your rings.
These are great.
- Let's play zoo.
- Want me to read you Dr.
Seuss? Let's sing.
[SINGING.]
Stop.
Where Howie? You know what? I got just the thing that'll work.
Michelle, let's go.
Come with me, Michelle.
I probably didn't need to say that, now did I? Howie.
We may have to move to Nebraska.
This is gonna get old fast.
- You ready? - Yeah.
There you go.
Now, come on, Michelle.
You know what I love more than anything in this whole wide world? That's to see you smile.
Come on, give me one of those famous Michelle smiles, please.
Howie.
Oh, kid.
I know you miss your friend Howie.
But don't forget about your family who loves you like crazy right here.
Remember all the good times we had together? I'm gonna sing that song I wrote for you, okay? - Okay.
- Okay, let me sing it for you, all right? All right.
Michelle's at home The cats are purring She doesn't know what worry is She's safe and warm And she's not sorry She doesn't know what sorry is Michelle smiling Michelle smiling Michelle smiling The news is on And Michelle's laughing Can't make sense of what The pictures show She knows no fear She keeps on laughing If we could only know What Michelle knows Michelle smiling Michelle smiling Michelle smiling Oh, there you go.
That's a girl.
Where Howie? Jess, where are you? I'm coming.
I'm coming.
- How's Michelle doing? - The poor kid's got a broken heart.
I have a tape here that might help.
Let's watch the tape.
Watch this, Michelle.
Howie! Hi, Michelle.
Hi, Howie.
How are you? I'm fine.
- I miss you.
- Me too.
Now, that's the smile I was singing about, kid.
Rebecca, you might be onto something here.
- Fisher-Price video dating.
- We made it last night at the airport.
I just thought these two would make great video pals.
This is weird.
I mean, I know Michelle's only 2, but she's acting like a real person.
I guess you're never too young to need a friend.
Our little Michelle is growing up.
Maybe it's time to put her in a playgroup with kids her age.
That's a great idea.
At least she'd have some friends in the same zip code.
I'm so impressed with you.
You're right about everything.
You were right about the monster movie you had this idea to make a tape for Michelle.
You're gonna make a great mom.
Thanks.
You already are one.
Howie, again.
Michelle, you just saw Howie.
Howie.
Howie.
Howie.
Hey, why don't we watch a little HTV? All Howie, all the time.
[IN UNISON.]
: Howie.
Howie.
Howie.