Futurama s02e16 Episode Script

Deep South Exciting news! The pet license|I requisitioned for Nibbler is here.
That's sweet.
|I didn't know you cared about Nibbler.
Dream on! I want to put him in a sack,|toss the sack in the river and hurl the river into space.
But I like filling out requisitions.
|And these were some doozies! Great Jah's dreadlocks!|There's been a mix-up.
This isn't the pet license,|it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory! The exact center|of the Atlantic Ocean! Seems the logical place|for fish to congregate! - We're in international waters?|- Indeed so.
Falcon, this is Blue Raven.
|The goose has nested.
Guess what you're accessories to? The sun, the sea air, good friends.
Leela's right.
Fishing blows.
|Let's make it interesting.
- Why not?|- Yeah, cool! Everybody kick in 5 bucks! - Wasn't that interesting?|- Bender! This contest is as good as over.
|I once caught a fish this big.
Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish|this big.
You're both out of your league! Because you're looking at a woman|who owns a harpoon.
Harpoon my ass! Okay! Let's see now.
Which bait to use? Crickets? Squid? Chicken necks? Excuse me, if I might be so bold.
I am willing to offer my services|as a bait critic.
These sardines, for example,|are bland and tasteless.
And these dry, stringy|night crawlers, though juicy Very, very juicy.
I don't believe this!|It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Hey, Fry.
|Check out my laser-guided fishing rod.
Quiet, you'll scare away the fish.
Fine.
I'll head to the other side.
Good luck fishing on this side! I can hit a fish|between the eyes from 20 yards.
- Yeah? I can hit a shrimp!|- A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that Gather around, chumps!|I got the winner.
So, this is where you|shop for your boots! A couple more of those and you'll have|yourself a fish stick.
A fish this fine belongs|in a fish nugget-style chunklet.
It's bigger than anything|you've caught.
My small intestine.
Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times|heavier than a boot.
You'll never catch anything with|that primitive technology.
What you need is this fish pheromone.
The most potent aphrodisiac|known to fishkind.
I am so into you! Oh, my! Bender, I just caught a fish this big! Quit exaggerating! Screw this! If I'm not gonna catch a fish,|I might as well not catch a big fish.
There.
Like most problems,|this one can be solved with bending.
Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond|filament tether.
It's unbreakable.
- Then, why do I have to be careful?|- It belonged to my grandmother.
My Manwich! Wake up! I've got something.
|And this time, it's alive! Dr.
Zoidberg, since when|do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it.
I was eating it! Come on, let's go home.
Sunburn! My fabulous body!|It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? It wasn't here|when I took your umbrella.
- I put sun block on you.
|- It didn't work.
Come on, Bender.
|Pull in your line and let's go.
Hey! I'm snagged! It's not snagged.
The mechano-man has|caught something! Sweet zombie Jesus! It's huge! It's coming up! - That's big!|- A colossal mouth bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Into the ship! Wait, I'll save us by cutting the unbreakable diamond|filament.
Well, at least I'll die|with my friends.
Hello? My Speedos! Depth at 4500 feet! Forty-eight hundred! Fifty hundred! Five thousand feet! Dear Lord! That's over|150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres|can the ship withstand? It's a spaceship, so I'd say|anywhere between zero and one.
What's that?|Is someone bending girders? We'll be crushed if we don't equalize.
How do we do that? That should do it.
We're gonna die! Wait! I'll be back in a minute.
- You did it, Fry!|- Did what? People, it's far, far worse|than we thought.
My fish got away! Good as new! Except we're 3 miles down below,|have no food, and the ship won't work.
Tempers are wearing thin.
Let's hope|some robot doesn't kill everybody! Don't panic.
There are rules|for situations like this.
The first order of business is lunch.
I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg.
|I mean lobster Newburg.
I mean Dr.
Zoidberg.
Okay, everyone calm down.
The professor and I|will work on the ship.
Bender, Zoidberg: Since you can|survive under water you'll go out and find food.
I better go too.
|They don't know what I like.
No! The pressure will crush you like|a snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily.
This is a chance for Fry to test|my experimental anti-pressure pill.
I can't swallow that! Well, then, good news!|It's a suppository.
How are you doing there? Glad to hear it! Ah, yeah.
Yum, yum, yum.
Look at me! I'm Dr.
Zoidberg,|homeowner! Careful, Fry.
I think that flag|may be poisonous.
Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us|some hearty grub! The laws of science|be a harsh mistress.
Robot, old buddy,|could you help me move a couch? Okay.
But I'm not|carrying it upstairs.
What is it, Fry? You want lemonade?|You saw a parade? Your student loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal|Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr.
Millionaire.
Fry, swallow your food, then talk.
A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No, I did see a mermaid.
|She was wearing a tube top and she had a scaly tail,|and hair extensions.
- Yeah, right!|- Sure she did! You are simply hallucinating,|you moron! What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird|sea creatures here in the future.
Like Dr.
Zoidberg! Fry is suffering from ocean madness.
Every time something good happens|to me, you say it's madness.
Or I'm drunk.
Or I ate too much candy.
Well, I saw a real mermaid! And I wish for once my friends had|the decency to believe me! Ocean madness.
He may have ocean madness, but that's|no excuse for ocean rudeness.
Ocean madness.
Yeah, right!|It's always something, ain't it? It's her! Bender, wake up!|She's here, wake up! Oxygen! Here you go, darling.
Hey! I can breathe and talk,|just like a fish! You speak fish? - What?|- I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious.
- Hi, my name is Umbriel.
|- I'm Fry.
- So, am I gonna drown?|- Of course not! Just stay calm and let the gentle|currents relax your every muscle.
Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're real.
|I like your tail.
You're sweet! I like those wiggly|doodads coming out of your hips.
Thanks.
They're called pants.
This here is a volcanic vent.
- The water is over 4000 degrees.
|- No kidding.
Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landie|world you come from.
Is there water there too? Sure, sometimes it falls from the sky.
And sometimes it doesn't.
Mr.
Fry, you do go on! What's best about you is|you find me fascinating.
Even if I'm not claiming to be|a jewel thief or lion-tamer.
Lions? There are sea lions|on the land? Yep! We call them land sea lions.
|I tame them.
I've almost reconfigured|the ship's propulsion system.
We can leave as soon|as the papier-maché is dry.
- Where's Fry?|- I didn't kill him.
You? No, I've been busy.
He must've gone looking for that|mermaid.
Poor demented honky.
It's ocean madness, all right.
Sailors call it aqua dementia.
|The deep down crazies.
The wet willies.
The screaming moist.
We'll form a search party.
|We'll need oxygen.
I got it covered.
In the event of emergency, my ass|can be used as flotation device.
You've all taken your|pressure pills, right? Yes! Stop asking! I've got a scent, over here where|the water gets warmer.
This way! Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be?|Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost|city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta!|Folks here call me "The Colonel.
" Have some breathers,|courtesy of our chamber of commerce.
This is uncomfortable and humiliating! Now, if they could put it|in the form of a suppository Y'all enjoy your stay!|Tourism's our main source of income.
So see the sights, spend some money!|Please don't leave! Fry, I knew you were alive!|I owe you 10 bucks, Hermes.
The most amazing thing happened! It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy|Kreme.
Plus there's mermaids.
I'd like you to meet|my daughter, Umbriel.
Umbriel, these are some Yankees.
So Atlanta was an American city|in your time? I think it was just an airport.
|They had a place to buy nuts.
No! Ancient Atlanta was|more than just a Delta hub! It was a vibrant metropolis.
|The equal of Paris or New York.
That's right, honey.
Whatever you say.
Loot at these fabulous ruins.
Turner Field the Coca-Cola bottling plant the airport.
How could a city with such a fabulous|airport end up underwater? That's a story only to be told|in the chamber of commerce video narrated by folk-rock|troubadour Donovan.
Atlanta Was a city, landlocked.
Hundreds of miles from the area|We noW call the Atlantic Ocean.
Yet so desperate the city's desire|for tourism that they moved offshore,|became an island and bigger Delta hub.
Until the city overdeveloped,|and it started to sink.
KnoWing their fate,|the quality people ran aWay.
Ted Turner, Hank Aaron,|Jeff FoxWorthy the guy Who invented|Coca-Cola the magician, and the other|so-called gods of our legends.
Though gods they Were.
Also Jane Fonda Was there.
The others remained behind on their porches With rifles and one day evolve|into mermaids and sing and dance and|ring in the neW.
Hail Atlanta! The magician? Wouldn't it take millions of years|to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes.
But the caffeine|really sped things up.
That stuff's wonderful! When Umbriel brought home this|carpetbagger, I was against it.
But damn if old legs here|ain't grown on me! Shucks, Colonel! It's very nice here, but we should go.
|I miss me wife and oxygen.
We all miss our loved ones and gases.
|Come on, Fry.
Wait, I'm not going with you.
What about us?|What about your life on the surface? You don't belong here.
She's right.
Sure they got the Braves,|but it's a third-rate symphony.
Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac!|Be reasonable! Do you realize if you|stay at this depth you'll permanently adapt|to the pressure? Realize it?|I don't even understand it! You'll never be able to return|to the surface.
I don't care.
|I've got everything I want right here.
I'm bored! Let's go! You know, Fry, I've got a little place|just outside town.
You could visit, maybe? Sorry, I'm trying to join|the country club.
I'll miss you! Y'all come back now, you hear? Let's go, damn it, let's go! I guess this is goodbye|for me as well.
- Whatever.
|- Later! My home! It burned down! - How did this happen?|- That's a good question! So that's where I left my cigar.
That just raises further questions! These last 24 hours have been|the happiest days of my life.
I want you to make a mer-woman|out of mer-me.
Mercy! I do believe I'm|getting the vapors.
What the hell is that? I'm a little confused too! How do I you know,|with the tail and all? I'm not your first, am I? I lay my eggs, then I leave|and you release your fertilizer.
Why couldn't she be|the other kind of mermaid with fish part on top,|and lady part on bottom? Now who's gonna escort me|to the Debutante Ball? What about that rich|young dugong from Macon? The engine modifications are complete.
Prepare for launch.
Wait! Wait for me!|Don't leave me here! And so, in honor of his|record-breaking catch l'm proud to award Bender|this check for $1000! - It's you!|- Yeah, buddy! My Manwich! - Are you all right? What happened?|- What about Umbriel? Turns out I loved her,|but I wasn't in love with her.
Trouble in bed.
It's great to have you back, buddy! Wait!|This is no record! Give me back that check!|I'm giving it to some giant orphans.
Bender, you're hurting me! Hey, I'm trying to sleep in here! Hail Atlanta!