Grounded For Life (2001) s02e16 Episode Script

Guys! Guys, stop eating the cashews, all right? Save those for our guests.
I like the cashews.
Eat the walnuts.
I can't eat walnuts.
They look like brains.
Hi, Walt.
Uh, dad, what--what are you uh--uh, doin' here? Well, I thought you needed some extra chairs.
Who told you that? Eddie.
Eddie was supposed to bring them himself.
So, what's goin' on? You havin' some kind of dinner party? No, uh, no.
It's just-- It's a small gathering.
Wow You even got the good china out.
You put in the extra leaf.
Walt, we're sorry.
It's just-- No! No, no, I'm fine.
I--I got a can of pork and beans at home.
Label says it's got So, uh, what's the big occasion? Oh, no big occasion.
Sean's just opening his door to his friends to show that he's an open-minded, sensitive, non-judgmental man.
Since when? OK, that'll do.
Since last Sunday.
Oh, my God, wait, is--is the roast burning? It's fine.
So we took the kids, and we went to action mountain.
Hey, do you think the juggernaut's a good ride for children? Oh, yeah, yeah, why? 'Cause they're the only kids in line.
We're, like, the only people with kids in this whole park.
I know what this is.
What? It's gay day.
Gay day? Once a year, the gay community picks a day to get together at action mountain.
And what do you know? Last Sunday was gay day.
You guys, that ride was so much fun.
Wasn't that so cool? Yeah, fun for you.
You got to sit together.
I was stuck between with Magnum P.
I.
Mustaches.
Whoa, that ride over there must be really scary.
Those men are holding hands.
That's the line for the sno-cones.
Oh, boy, whoo! I'm bushed.
Hey, you guys wanna go home? Well, we just got here.
Well, I mean, you know, the ride with the singin' bears is shut down, and what's the point? Hey, let's go on, uh, the great American log jam.
OK.
But--but, hey You just gonna leave me here? You'll be fine, Suzie-Q.
Relax, Sean.
You fit right in.
You're wearin' the uniform and everything.
What? Hey, man, uh, dude, let me have your jacket.
What? What? Your jacket.
Just give me the jacket.
That's a sign of solidarity you got there.
Just give me your jacket.
No.
Yeah, you're not-- no.
Just give me the jacket.
No.
What's the big-- Gimme that! Gimme your--gimme your jacket! Get 'em off.
That's it.
That's it.
I'm gonna go wait in the car.
Yeah.
You gonna go listen to a ball game or somethin'? Yeah, and you know what? As a matter of fact, I'm gonna listen to a ball game.
Sean! Paul.
What are you-- Oh! Oh, how you doin'? Mmm.
Mmm.
I smell roast.
Oh, hi, dad.
Are you here for the dinner party? How much do you know? Everything.
Your dad brought us some chairs.
Remember, chairs? Chairs I asked you to get without telling him? I just couldn't be party to the deception.
Hey, Dean.
Hey.
Come in.
How's it goin'? Hey, thanks for havin' me.
Here.
Oh, these are so pretty.
Mmm.
Yeah, the girl at the flower store took, like, uh, half hour puttin' 'em together, so I'll bet she did.
What's that supposed to mean? Just--just go put those in water.
Heh.
Wow.
God.
God, I hate that! Hate what? Everywhere we go, women are freaking out about my boyfriend.
Hi.
Would you guys take our picture? Yeah, sure.
Not you, her.
That's us.
It would be great if you could go ahead and pay because I'm about to get off.
Excuse me.
I--I didn't get any whipped cream.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There's a tag still on it.
Miss! Don't get involved.
Aaah! You're so lucky dad is dumpy.
I heard that, missy.
Interestin'.
You even invited the boyfriend.
Well, I guess he got my spot at the table.
Dad, dad, dad, we would have invited you, OK, but we just weren't sure how well you'd mix with some of the other guests.
Like who? He means Paul.
He was afraid that you would offend Paul.
The gay guy from gay day? OK, that's it.
See? That's it! I just want you to be civil.
Look, I--I've been workin' with Paul for 4 years, and I never knew he was gay, and when I found out, I kept thinkin' about how-- How we'd all act at work, and I mean, you know how guys are.
Whoa, ho ho! You wanna touch me like that, you're gonna have to buy me dinner first.
Name the place, sweetie! Man, I had a hot date last night.
Phew! Oh, yeah? What was his name? What's wrong with that? It's inappropriate.
Yeah, but it's funny.
Do you make black jokes in front of your friend Davis? All the time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but Davis has been openly black for a long time.
Hey, you handled yourself pretty well.
Thanks, uh, for your help, pal.
Wow.
Yeah.
It is so good to see you here.
It's good-- It's good to see you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So who knew we shopped at the same store, huh? Oh, yeah.
No, this is just my, you know, everyday kind of, uh, clothes I like to wear.
Yeah? You know? Yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
So who's your friend? I'm Eddie.
Hey, I'm Paul.
So you never mentioned me? Hey! Hey! Eddie, stop it! No, he's He's my brother, you know.
Come on, Sean, relax.
It's gay day.
Hey.
Hey, dude, stop it! No, I mean, he's actually my brother, you know? I'm here with my wife and kids and Oh--oh! Yeah, yeah, my wife Claudia.
Yeah, back in high school we started having kids, you know? Even back then, there I was impregnating women.
Couldn't get enough of it.
I'm sorry.
I--I I--I assumed, um Oh! Oh, we got-- No.
Yeah.
That--that's-- No, I'm flattered, but I mean, I'm not flattered.
I mean, there's nothin' really to be flattered about.
I'm just-- I'm totally-- This is cool, man.
I'm totally neutral with this.
This is--it's all OK with me.
Good, I'm fine.
OK.
So, uh I'll--I'll see you at work.
Yeah.
Monday, right? Right.
Gotta pick up that check.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
OK, well Uh, yeah.
It's cool.
All right.
I'll see you at work.
OK.
Take it easy.
Smooth.
Have you ever even talked to a gay person before? Whoa, OK, hey, look, I was caught off-guard, all right, but I handled it all right.
You were a mess.
Yeah, you ate a corn dog with a knife and fork.
All right.
So I wasn't comfortable, OK, but I'm not a homophobe.
I watch Will & Grace.
No, you don't.
Well, when you watch it, I laugh.
Yeah, but not the right way.
And--and--and you know, where the hell were you? You know, you could have helped me out.
I was havin' fun.
Well, they probably thought you were just a man in drag.
Who would think she's a man? Thank you.
Thank you.
I don't know who would ever think Sean was that way.
I could see it with Eddie, maybe.
What? Why? Why me? Well, it was back in the eighties.
I had legitimate concerns.
Edwin, stop stealing my shirts.
I'm just borrowing them.
Yeah, but you keep gettin' your lipstick on 'em.
And it makes your mother think I've been out tom-cattin'.
Come on, dad.
You've never experimented with your image? Well, sure.
I wore lipstick for a while, a little mascara Are you crazy?! Hey.
Hello.
Uh, I'm looking for Eddie.
And you are? Lookin' for Eddie.
Oh, you must be his date.
Come on in.
I'm Lily.
Hey, uh, how's it goin'? I'm Dean.
Gretchen.
Nice to meet you.
OK, that'll do.
Uncle Eddie! Hey, Gretchen.
Hi.
Hi.
This is Sean, my brother.
Hi.
Hi.
That's Claudia.
Hi, nice to meet you.
My dad.
I wasn't invited.
Nice to meet you.
I--I brought you a box of pens.
Oh, that's, uh, uh, nice of you.
Uh, could I get you something to drink? Yeah, can I get a jell-o shot? We're--we're out.
Oh, uh, can you make a Tequila slammer? No.
This isn't really a highbrow establishment.
Well, fine.
I'll get a fuzzy navel.
Sean? Uh, I'll see what I can do.
Yeah, I'll see what you can do, too.
Have I got on too much Cologne? Aw, dad, you're fine.
Yeah, well, I don't wanna give this gay fella any false hopes.
You should have thought of that before you grew that big flavor-saver of a mustache, daddy.
I'm kiddin'.
He's just a regular guy.
Well, you should never have been put in this situation, Sean.
Yeah, they should have had a sign outside that place that said, "you must be this gay to get in.
" You know what I mean.
They've got too many "days" at action mountain anyway.
I thought you learned your lesson last Halloween.
Oh, oh, oh, oh Aah! Oh! Help me! Help! You can rest in peace once I saw your head off.
Hey, wait a minute.
There's no chain on your chain saw.
Sounds a lot less scared of zombies than he is of gay people.
Oh, I'm not scared of gay people.
I love gay people.
Yes, yes, I know.
That's why we're having dinner, right? You're gonna show us.
That's not what tonight's all about.
Then why are we doing this? Well, because the day after action mountain, OK, something happened to Paul at work.
What happened? Well, there was An accident.
What kind of accident? Well, it was just one of those things that happened, and there's nothing-- Oh, just--what happened? I told everyone he was gay.
You outed Paul? It was an accident.
This is unbelievable.
I didn't mean to, baby.
The guys, they just-- They--they--they dragged it out of me.
What's that? It's a croissant.
A croissant And your boyfriend, he packed that for you? Oh, God.
Hey, guys, can we ease up on the gay stuff just a little? Why so sensitive, Finnerty? Are you gay? I'm not gay, OK, but somebody could be.
So what are you saying, Finnerty? Is somebody here gay? Uh, that--that's not the point.
Hey, do you know somethin'? No.
Ha.
Is it dino? No, it's not dino.
I knew it.
It's telly.
It's not telly, all right? Just let it go.
Is it Paul? It doesn't matter who it is.
It's Paul.
Hey, I'm not sayin' Paul's gay.
Oh, you just did.
Well, even if he is, is it really so funny to joke about his lifestyle choice? Hey, telly! Did ya hear? Paul's gay! You are unreal.
I--I didn't tell them.
I mean, these guys, they're just-- They're masters of deduction.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they're geniuses.
God, I can't even believe Paul even agreed to come after what you did.
He doesn't know.
I gotta tell him.
Ah, ha ha.
Haven't you done enough? No, baby.
He's gotta hear it from me before he hears it from the guys at the tunnel.
I mean, they're, you know, they're--they're-- They're not like me.
They're not understanding like I am.
Oh, my God.
What-- What, do you tell him, like, between salad and entree? You know what? I don't need your help, OK, 'cause everything is gonna be just fine.
So is that your natural hair color? Yep.
Yikes.
So, uh, Gretchen, how do you, uh, how do you know Eddie? Oh, well, I'm a cat burglar, and Eddie caught me trying to steal jewelry from a big mansion.
Really? No.
I met him at a bar.
Psych! Oh, man.
That look on his face.
Yeah, you had me.
Yeah, you--whoa, you had me goin' there.
She's like this all the time.
Ah.
Oh, Jesus, that's delightful.
Please come back with my frisbee.
It's my frisbee, gaylord.
Hey, guys.
Gay boy started it.
You're the gayest gay in gay town.
Well, why don't you gay on over to gay-ville in your gay-mobile? That is not a very nice thing to call someone.
You're tellin' me.
It's the worst.
No, it's not a bad thing to be.
It's just--it's a very bad thing to be called.
Doesn't make any sense.
Well, it's hard to explain.
It's just Gay people are just people, OK? They're no better and no worse than anyone else.
You understand? Got it.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Yeah.
Gaylord! Uh Couscous? Mm-hmm.
What about it? Um, you know, nothin'.
What? I mean, are--are-- are we sendin' the right message? Couscous is not gay.
Yeah, it's not like Risotto.
No, you see, I don't sell Jagermeister.
I encourage people to drink Jagermeister by pretending to like them.
Right.
You know, that's so interesting.
Is she being interesting? How very interesting.
Jeez, well, those little hot dogs sure smell good, so I'm just gonna sneak into the kitchen and get one.
Does anyone want one? I'll have one.
OK, OK, you know what? I am the host here, and I will get anybody that wants a hot dog a hot dog, OK? So, are you gonna get those hot dogs, or what? Oh, yeah, and leave you two alone together? You wish.
OK.
Eddie.
I got it! Hi, I'm Paul.
Are you the gay guy? Because that doesn't make you any better than me.
Yeah.
OK.
So if couscous is gay, what's a straight side dish? Uh Baked potato.
Hey, dad, the gay guy is here.
He's not the gay guy.
Oh, well, some other guy named Paul is here then.
Oh.
Hey, I'm Paul.
Oh, nice.
Very subtle.
Excuse me? Yeah--yeah--yeah.
We see your little game here.
All right.
What? OK, you gotta chill.
What? I'm just protecting what's mine.
First of all, you don't own Dean.
He's not a stapler.
Second of all, my date is freaked out.
That's not good for uncle Eddie.
I know.
I can't help it.
He makes me so jealous.
I understand.
I've dated models.
Uh, it's a bitch.
So what I'm doing is natural.
No, what you're doin' is psycho.
Just take it down a notch or 2, will ya? OK.
Hey, Paul.
Paulie, man.
Sean.
Hey, hey.
Hey, thanks for havin' me.
Hey, thanks for comin'.
All right.
Oh, here.
Oh, nice, nice.
A '97 Merlot.
Was that--was that a good year for Merlot? Oh, you got me.
I don't know anything about wine.
Yeah, and why should you, right? I can see you're about ready to eat, so, uh Hey, it's nice meetin' you, Paul.
Have a nice dinner, uh, everybody.
Walt, please.
If you--if you wanna stay for dinner, of course you're welcome to.
Well, it's kinda last minute.
Please? Would you please stay? Well, all right.
For you.
Oh, Paul, um, this is my wife, Claudia.
Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So Paul, this is great, huh? Just me bein' me, you bein' you without the pressure of the tunnel.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, you know, like I said, thanks for inviting me.
Hey, no problem.
You know what's so funny? It's like we spend so much time underground together, but we don't really know each other that much, you know what I mean? I really don't know what you mean.
Well, you know, there's parts of me that I don't open up.
Like--like take this, for instance.
I'm a big fan of heavy metal.
- Heavy metal? - Yeah, but not the good kind.
I mean, the like, glam hair, you know, la la la la la Poison, warrant-- you know, that kind of stuff.
Wow.
And sometimes, when I'm really down, right, I'll take a-- a night ranger tape out to the Subaru and crank Sister Chris, and I'll cry just a little.
Oh, gosh.
I can't believe I'm tellin' you this, man, well, good for you! But it feels good.
.
Good for you, Sean.
That's great.
And you know what? Monday, I think I'm gonna go down to the tunnel and I'm gonna tell the guys.
Good.
Yeah, and you know what? You should, too.
You should go down there and tell 'em that you're gay.
Yeah, you know what? I don't know.
We'll both do it Monday, then we'll go out for beers afterwards.
Yeah, all right.
Sean, what's goin' on? Nothin', man.
I'm just-- I'm just tryin' to help You, you know? You're tryin' to help me? OK Yeah.
And, uh, what makes you think I need your help, huh? Well, because, you know, it's clear that you're a grown man who's livin' a lie.
Well, that is my choice.
No, it's not, man.
You gotta go down there, and you gotta tell everybody.
Why? Because, man.
Why? Because it's the right thing to do.
Because it's the-- because I already told them.
I know.
What? It's no big secret, OK? A couple guys knew.
Telly, Frank Wait, how'd they know? I told 'em.
Well, why did you tell them? Because they're open-minded.
I thought they could handle it.
Well, why wouldn't you tell me? Oh, God.
This stinks, man.
Yeah.
Oh, come on.
You wouldn't even confide-- You know what? That whole thing about sister Christian and crying, that was a lie, man.
Well, I'm really sorry to hear that, Sean.
Yeah, yeah, me, too.
Paul! Wait.
What? I'm--I'm crazy, man.
I'm sorry.
This whole thing was about how to try and make you feel more comfortable, and I end up yelling at you when it's just-- It's wrong, and I'm--I'm An idiot.
Yes.
And I want you to be comfortable, and I want you to be comfortable at work, and I want you to be comfortable in my home, you know, and I want you to stay for dinner, please? And--and--and he really is an idiot.
He really is.
And--and please, please stay.
I made a roast special and--and couscous, and Well, I do love couscous.
See? Sean.
I know.
I know.
Hey.
Hey.
Look, I'm sorry about earlier.
It's just, it's so hard dating a guy who's so hot.
Who, your boyfriend? He's not that hot.
What, are you kidding? No, I mean, look, he's OK, but there's a lotta hot guys in this town.
You shouldn't get all worked up about it.
You think? Oh, I know.
You know what? You're right.
He--he's not so great.
Nope.
Hey, baby.
Hey.
You know what? You think you're all that? Well, you are not all that.
You need to get over yourself.
So you wanna go upstairs and mess around? Excuse me? Are you coming or not? Yeah, baby.
Claudia! Let's go! Come on! In a few! Well, come on! Hold your pants on, miss thing! Whoo! We're leavin'.
I'll get a ride!