iCarly s02e16 Episode Script

Hi.
Hey, you guys, how was school? I got an "A" on my geometry test.
I had fish sticks for lunch.
Sam broke into my locker while I was in gym class and cut the sleeves off my shirt and the legs off my pants.
Why do fish sticks always make you rambunctious? I think it's the tartar sauce.
Your head's full of tartar sauce.
Hey watch it before I take your-- stop.
Can we please remember we're all friends here? This thing is not my friend.
She is too.
Wrong.
And you are coming to my house right now and explain this to my mom.
Will that make you happy? Kind of.
Fine.
Can't believe you just break into my locker and violate my clothing.
My mom works really hard to make sure that I have nice things to wear and she's not going to be happy to find out--Sam, don't.
Ahh.
Freddie.
His mom was totally cool about it.
Whoa, is that cheese? Thirty pounds.
It's for my camping trip.
Cool.
Who all's goin'? Ah, me, Socko, these two girls we met at the junkyard and Socko's grandmother.
Why ya takin' Socko's grandmother? Yeah.
In case there's bears.
Oh and while I'm gone, Mrs.
Benson's gonna look in on you.
No.
Last time you had Mrs.
Benson do that, she made me watch a puppet show about personal hygiene.
And now you don't have lice.
I never had lice.
Have you seen my sleeping bag anywhere? Yeah, it's in our storage unit, down in the basement.
Awesome.
And my flare gun? Please don't take your flare gun.
I gotta-- in case there's an emergency.
But--- oh, I think it's in my closet.
You don't need your flare gun.
Yes, I do.
But you know you're just gonna end up in a-- If that's Freddie's mom, tell her I moved to Guadalajara.
Hi.
Hey, shay.
Missy? Aah.
I can't believe you're here.
I can't believe, I'm here.
You look so great.
So do you.
Your hair got so long.
Yeah.
That's what happens when you don't cut it.
Oh my God, I know.
Aah.
So you guys know each other? Sam, this is Missy.
We were like best friends when our dads were stationed at the same naval base in seal beach.
Cool.
How long ago? Oh wow, like, seven years.
Eight.
So what are you doing here? My dad got transferred again.
To Seattle? Yeah.
I'm gonna go to be going to Ridgeway with you? Aah.
You guys aren't going to do that every day, right? Found it.
Who's that? Spencer.
Oh yeah, your brother.
Didn't he go to law school? Well, he went for like three days but now he Found his flare gun? In five, four, three, two I know, you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and the time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give it your best All right, listen up.
I am going to post this sign-up board for the school at sea drawing.
If you are interested, then sign your name and one of you, little demons, will get to spend the next six months pretending to study on a cruise around the world.
There, now I want you all to form a neat single-file line-- hey, I mean it.
Animals.
Man, I wanna win that school at sea cruise so bad.
Bad enough to penetrate that freakish mob.
I'm going in.
Ahh.
Let me--no.
Come on.
Get out.
And this is kind of the main hallway.
Oh, and that's Kevin.
Kevin? Yeah.
When he asks you, if you want to see his onion ring, just say no.
Why? Just say no.
Hi.
Hey, Sam.
Hey, 'sup? I've just been showing Missy around.
There it is.
Oh, awesome whoa, how'd you get the locker between ours? She had to give miss Murdock a tip.
If miss Murdock wants a tip, you should tell her to lay off the blue eye shadow and ridiculous lipstick.
Oh hey, I forgot to tell you.
My dad is taking me on a Navy helicopter ride over Seattle.
You wanna come? Sure, when? Tomorrow after school.
Aw, I can't.
Sam invited me to go with her to the meat festival.
That's okay.
No, why don't you come with us on the helicopter ride? Really? Yes.
Okay, sure.
Cool.
I'll text you guys the deets.
Awesome.
Cool.
Argh.
Aww.
I got my name on the list.
Animals.
Aw man, here she comes.
Lookin' good, miss Murdock.
Thanks.
Hey Socko.
Yeah, I'm all packed up except for my sleeping bag.
Yeah, I got the cheese, 30 pounds.
I know.
Yeah, I just gotta load up my motorcycle and I'll meet you guys at the campsite, around 5:30.
Uh-huh.
Later, socks.
All right sleeping bag, where you hidin' there, buddy? Ah, there you are.
No.
Aah.
Okay, that wasn't good.
And I always thought I'd be scared of helicopters but that was like the most fun ride ever.
Wasn't it? Yeah.
And I can't believe your dad let us land and get pizza.
I know right.
How freaked out were those guys in the parking lot? So.
Wahoo punch? Yeah, punch me.
Hey, there you are.
Yeah, here I am.
Where were you? Yeah, why didn't you show up? Oh, I showed up at a pinata factory.
Pinata? You blew us off for Mexican candy? Oh no, the factory just makes the piñatas, no candy, just these colorful shells full of empty promises.
And it didn't blow you guys off.
Missy texted me the wrong address and then you guys didn't answer your phones when I called.
Well, Missy said we had to turn 'em off 'cause they interfere with the helicopter's radio.
Anyway, I'm sure I texted you the right address.
Yeah? No, you didn't.
Here, toss me your phone.
Ohhh.
Oh, man.
She wahoo'd my phone.
I don't know what to say.
You didn't mean to.
Oh, I got it.
Here, I want you to have these.
What are they? Persian chocolates from my aunt Gloria.
They're really hard to get and they're supposed to be amazing.
I'll be the judge of that.
Aah, now I'm stuck.
Aah.
Okay, no worries.
I'll just call for help.
Ah ha.
No, come on.
And why did I pick that for my ringtone? Well? I don't know, it's-- oh, man, this is good stuff.
So you forgive me? Yeah, I forgive you.
Oh, this is so good.
Oh hey, did you ask Spencer if you can sleep over at my house tonight? Ah, no, I forgot.
He's already left for his camping trip.
Here, lemme give him a call.
Mhm.
Can I try one? No.
Ohhh.
Oh, hey kid.
Oh man, thank God you're here.
I got stuck under this thing.
Ah, wait, I think I'm almost out.
Come help me.
There.
Ahhh, I am free.
Whoo.
Ah, ha ha.
Dude, what up? You don't recognize me, do you? Uh-no.
Why should-- oh my God.
You're the kid from the lobby when I was filling in for Lewbert.
Yeah.
You told my dad on me and got me grounded.
Right.
Look I'm really sorry, but-- aw, it's too late for sorry.
Now you're grounded, monkey.
Whoa, you look horrible.
I was sick.
I feel like butt.
Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set? No.
I said, "Sam, don't lick the swing set.
" And then you said, "don't tell me what to do, Benson" and then you licked the swing set.
Whatever.
I'm even sicker now than I was then.
Missy gave me rancid chocolate.
Why would see do that? 'Cause she's trying to get rid of me.
Oh, come on.
Why on earth-- look at the facts.
She sent me to a piñata factory, she wahoo'd my phone and she gave me rancid Persian chocolate.
She's out to get me.
Hey guys.
Who's ready for a little "iCar--" Ewww, Sam.
You look horrible.
I've heard.
Did you lick another swing set? No.
Well what happened? Like you don't know.
All right.
There's no way you can do "iCarly" tonight.
I could do the show.
I'll be Fi-- aw, man.
Oh, that's not pretty.
Does anyone have a mint? Uh, guys, 30 seconds to show.
Come on.
In five, four-- all right, that's it.
We're canceling the show.
No.
You want me to help you do the show? Would you? Sure.
I can do it.
You're too sick.
Now go downstairs and lie down on the couch.
I'll be down as soon as the show's over to take care of you.
You know what to do? Sure.
I've seen "iCarly" a bunch of times.
You ready? In five, four, three, two-- I'm Carly.
I'm Missy.
And this is "iCarly.
" Sam isn't feeling well tonight.
But no worries, the show must go on.
Random dancing.
Here you go.
Chicken soup.
Aw, just like mom never made.
You feelin' better? Well, I haven't violently puked in an hour.
That's probably a good sign.
Eat your soup.
Okay.
Wait, Missy didn't touch this, did she? Missy isn't out to get you.
Yeah, she is.
No, she likes you.
She invited you on a helicopter ride.
She offered to buy you a new phone.
She gave you fancy Persian chocolate.
Yeah.
Check out the expiration date on the chocolate.
I can't read this.
It's written in foreign.
Well, I looked it up.
It says 1992.
That chocolate's older than the fresh prince of Bel air.
Look, I've known Missy for a long time and she'd never try to hurt anyone.
She's trying to replace me as your best friend.
Ah, you're just being paranoid again.
When have I been paranoid? Uh, when you first met Lewbert, you thought he was an undercover cop.
No one has a wart that big.
I thought it was a pus-y surveillance camera.
And last year, you were sure, Gibby was a mermaid.
He hates wearing shirts.
Coincidence? Can I ask you something? What? Are you jealous of Missy? Not even a little.
Then will you just give her a chance? I gave her a chance and she gave me a Persian chocolate stomach bomb.
That's it.
Get up.
Why? You and I are gonna go to talk to Missy and straighten things out.
Fine.
What are you doing? Havin' a piece of Persian chocolate? You said it was a stomach bomb.
But it's so good.
Come on, kid.
I've suffered enough.
Let me out of here.
Uh, I'm trying to focus on this game.
All right.
If you don't let me out of here in the next 30 seconds, I'm gonna tell the cops that you kept me prisoner in here and then you're gonna be in more trouble than you--haa Wait.
Is this water? You wish it was water.
Dude, I got to get out of here.
So just tell me what you want, okay? You want money, power, an ostrich? I want you to suffer the way I suffered.
What? You got me grounded for two days.
So that's how long I'm gonna keep you in there.
Okay.
I really shouldn't tell you this but, come here, come here.
What? You got to promise not to tell anyone.
You see--gimme the keys.
No, I won't.
Give me that.
Give me that.
Ahh, you little monster.
Ahh no, don't.
Stop.
Don't.
Quit it.
Help.
I'm being sprayed.
It's not water.
Please help me.
See? It was all a misunderstanding.
Absolutely.
I would never get between you and Carly.
And if you don't believe me, I swear, I'll walk out of here right now and never bother either one of you guys ever again.
Okay, bye.
Sam.
Okay, maybe I was being a little paranoid.
I would never do anything mean to you on purpose.
I am just so sorry about everything.
Sam, isn't there something you wanna say? I still think Gibby is a mermaid.
Anything else? I'm sorry that I thought you were tryin' to get rid of me.
It's okay.
The important thing is, that we're all friends, right? Uh-huh.
Yep.
Cool.
I say we celebrate with the sipping of smoothies.
Be right back.
So, has Carly changed much since you guys hung out together in seal beach? Oh, shut up.
Uh, who were you just talking to? You.
Carly was my best friend first and I'm taking her back.
I knew it.
Carly's too nice and good to see the evil in people but luckily, I'm not so nice and good and I hope you know your blood type 'cause I think you're gonna need some when I'm done with you.
I know you can beat me up, Sam.
But you won't.
What makes you think? If you do anything bad to me, Carly's gonna think you started it.
I mean, look at what's happened this week.
You were right about everything you accused me of, and Carly still didn't believe you.
And anyway, you really think Carly's gonna like you after you beat up her best friend? I'm her best friend.
Yeah, try were.
Yay, smoothies for three.
One for Missy and one for Sam.
Whoa, defective cup.
I don't believe you.
Okay, one more time.
"Carly was my best friend first and I'm taking her back.
" There's no way Missy said that.
She did.
You know, maybe Carly's right.
Maybe you're just jealous of Missy.
Okay, just forget it.
Don't believe me.
Tell me one reason why I should believe you.
'Cause I came here.
Have I ever come to you for help before, for anything? Oh no, no, no, no, no.
Awww butter.
What's up? Ah, just puttin' stuff in my locker, talkin' to some grungy mutt.
Oh, get over it, Sam.
Hey, hey you.
Are you Missy Robinson? Yeah, why? Ahoy.
The school at sea program congratulates you on being the lucky winner of a fantastic ocean voyage.
Starting this Saturday, you'll spend the next six months traveling the world by sea, as you study blah, blah, blah I couldn't care less about the words I'm saying, blah, blah, blah.
And now I'm supposed to do this.
Yaaay.
Oh my God.
I won the school at sea thing? Yes, I just told you that.
Jeez.
So, you're just leaving? I thought you were so psyched about being Carly's new best friend.
I'm not as psyched as I am to go on a six-month cruise.
How lucky am I? Yeah, I guess sometimes good things do happen to hideous people.
Aw, don't be sad, Sam.
Now you can be Carly's best friend 'cause I don't need to get rid of you anymore.
What? Carly.
Ooops.
Ah, look.
I won the school at sea thing.
You were trying to get rid of Sam? But we were best friends first and you can't have two best friends? Okay, you're a-- wack-job.
Wack-job.
Carly.
And I don't have two best friends.
I just have one-- one awesome, cool, meat-lovin' best friend.
Momma does love the meat.
Whatever.
You two enjoy each other.
I am goin' on a cruise.
I am going on a cruise.
I should have believed you.
Yeah, no chiz.
Are you mad at me? Kind of.
No.
Good.
So, after school, how about I take you to the mall and buy you a new cell phone? Ah, you don't need to.
I stole Missy's.
You're the best.
Yeah, don't you forget it.
Forget what? Watch it, shay.
Hello? Chuck? You down here? There you are.
Hi, daddy.
Ah.
Ah, thank God, you're here.
Your son, he trapped me and kept me locked in here for the past two days.
Did not.
You did too.
And he squirted me with fluids.
Is that true? No.
Chuck? Yeah.
Yeaaaah.
Okay, that's it.
You're grounded.
Dad.
No arguments.
You come with me right now.
Yeah.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Who's grounded now, Chuckie? Whoops, you are.
It's not so funny when Wait, wait.
No.
I'm still locked in here.
Come back.
Hello.
What was in that squirt gun? Austria.
Australia.
Oh, same thing.
Okay Benson, you are too nice.
Huh? Why? What'd he do? You know that school at sea contest last week? Yeah.
Wendy.
What about it? Uh, bye Wendy.
Freddie won it.
No, no, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
No, Missy Robinson won it.
No, Freddie won it and then he told principal Franklin, he wanted to give it to Missy.
Sweet boy.
You gave up that cool trip just to get rid of Missy? I was protecting "iCarly.
" No, you care about Sam.
Well, she was really upset.
And you said Sam wasn't your friend.
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah, whatever.
Yeah, stop.
I just hate that that nasty Missy gets to live it up on a six-month cruise.
I know.
Well, when we were little, she used to get really seasick.
But she probably got over that.
Too bad.
Yeah.
Let me off this stupid boat before I--