Kung Fu Panda Legends Of Awesomeness (2011) s02e16 Episode Script

2x16 - Shoot the Messenger Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda! Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom! Raised in a noodle shop never seeking glory or fame he climbed the mountain top and earned the Dragon Warrior name.
Hu! Ah! Ya! Kung Fu Panda! Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom! Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom and master the skills of bodacious and awesome Kung Fu Panda.
Doo-doo-doo-doo doom-doom-doom-doom! He lives, he trains and he fights with the Furious Five protect the Valley somethin' somethin' somethin' somethin' alive Oh! Ah! Uh! Kung Fu Panda Legends of awesomeness.
Sweet! [music.]
Monkey in the middle.
Hiya! [grunting.]
Crane.
Mantis.
Feet.
Viper.
Po, finish him.
P-Po? All right, yes.
Right this way.
Good, good.
Stay in single file.
Single file now.
Sign mine "to Yang, my bestest buddy ever.
" You got it, bestest buddy.
"Never give up.
" - Po.
- Hang on.
Just signing some autographs for my panda pals.
[chuckles.]
Oof! - Oof! - Hey! I win.
Thanks, Po.
You're welcome for whatever.
"Master Po says, 'go, go, go.
'" That's a good one.
Don't you thi [clears throat.]
Who's next? My name is Kweng.
I am looking for Yeah.
The "master" is signing autographs over there.
- Ah! - Ungh! - Hey! - Then this is for you.
Cool.
I got something for you too.
It's called a line.
As in, "get at the end of it.
" Go on.
If you want to be one of my panda pals, you gotta learn some panda politeness.
Thanks, Po.
I got your back, sister.
"Battle on!" "Panda pals forever.
" [giggles, squeals.]
[groans.]
See, that wasn't so bad, was it? "Always keep fighting.
Never surrender.
Signed, the Dragon Warrior.
" - There you are, you lucky boy.
- This humble messenger thanks you.
Okay, "humble messenger.
" Whatever.
Okay.
You guys want to quit dilly-dallying so we can get back to training? Sure.
How 'bout we play panda in the middle? [gulps.]
Um - Stop what you're doing.
- You heard him.
Warlord Cheen-Gwan and warlord Can-Shoo have declared war against one another's clans.
What? Is that so surprising? I mean, "warlords," right? They got "war" right in their names, so - Ow! - This is serious, panda! If an armed conflict breaks out, it would be catastrophic.
Ow.
A draft of a peace treaty has been dispatched to me via messenger from the Kung Fu Express.
Messenger? Like a humble messenger? Yes, most likely a goat.
I'm to peruse the treaty and make any changes I deem necessary.
One wrong word in that treaty could spark a conflict that plunges all of China into a thousand years of war.
[gasps.]
Uh, just out of curiosity, would "always keep fighting, never surrender" be wrong words? Yes, Po.
Those would be just about the wrongest words imaginable.
Well, it's good that no one used them then.
Continue your training.
And keep an eye out for that messenger.
[whimpering.]
[chuckles.]
I'm just gonna I got this, uh there's this thing that I bye! Oh, Mr.
Celebrity is gonna ditch? I don't think so.
Oh! [distant grunt.]
Huh? What? Hmm.
Whoa, whoa.
Ee-ha-ooh-yah! Are you going on an epic quest? - A-a dangerous adventure? - An early lunch? No, no no, no, no.
I'm looking for a messenger.
He's about this big, has curly horn thingies.
You mean Mr.
Impatient? Yes, I didn't know he was a messenger! I just thought he was another fan.
No offense.
Love my fans.
You're the best.
Aah! Where the heck am I? Huh? Aha! Gotcha.
Aah! You are going to train today, Mr.
Big Shot.
And I'm not listening to any excuses.
Okay, okay.
But listen to my excuse first.
and that's when you tackled me and said you wouldn't listen to any excuses and I said listen to my excuse, which this is.
You wrote "always keep fighting" on a peace treaty? I have more excuses if you want.
- It's true.
- He has lots.
Uh-huh.
We have to get the others and Master Shifu.
- This is big.
- No, no, no! It's not big yet.
And we can keep it not big if we just catch that little dude and get the message back.
Please, please, please? Hey, you're the one who sent him over to me for an autograph.
Well but I he seemed Wait a second.
So now this is my fault? Don't beat yourself up.
The Dragon Warrior is on it.
Let's go.
There.
Little dude.
Curly horn thingies.
- Hey! - Let me do the talking.
Sometimes you're kind of scary.
[chuckles.]
Now, for example.
Hi there.
Uh, Kweng? Kweng.
That sounds kind of funny when I say it out loud.
Kweng.
Kweng.
Kweng, Kweng, Kweng.
Sounds like a duck with a anyway.
I'm Po.
Remember, the Dragon Warrior? I just signed your thing.
And I sort of need it back.
- No.
- Great, I was afraid you were gonna What? "No"? But it was a mistake! Sir, be reasonable.
If you deliver that scroll, it will start a war.
That is not my concern.
A message sent must be delivered.
But No unauthorized handling.
Sorry, little dude.
Official Dragon Warrior business.
[grunts.]
[shouts.]
No unauthorized handling.
[shouting.]
You go to a special messenger school or something? No unauthorized handling.
Whoa, who the heck is that guy? - We know.
- Panda pals to the rescue.
Could we be "the junior panda squad" instead? Sounds more intimidating.
Sure, sure, you got it.
Just tell me what you know.
[gasps.]
Not so very long ago, there lived an unstoppable magical warrior with unstoppable skills.
His name was Master Kweng the Unstoppable, and all the people knew he was unstoppable.
For the betterment of all, Master Kweng used his skills to deliver urgent messages and important documents all over China.
Hiya! Master Kweng leads an army of Kung Fu masters, delivering anything anywhere, known as the Kung Fu Express.
And if that isn't cool enough for you He drives a blimp.
A blimp! No, no, no, no, no.
See, our guy's on foot.
No blimp.
So it can't be the same [blimp whirring.]
[whimpers.]
Don't worry! I've got your back! Panda pals forever! Well, I vote we get Shifu and the others.
And this time you won't talk me out of it.
- There's no time.
- Really? 'cause I was kind of [screams.]
Oof! [grunting.]
Whoa! You guys get back to the village.
I gotta aah! Fly! Oh, no! - Whoa, whoa! - Whoa! [gasps.]
[screaming.]
[gasps.]
[screams.]
[grunts.]
- Huh? Whoa! - Whoa! I'm slipping! Ah! Master Kweng.
There will be no unauthorized handling.
A message sent must be delivered.
We'll get to your message in a minute.
Right now we've got a kid on board, and it's a tad "periloshus.
" The child is not my concern.
[all shouting.]
[grunts.]
[all screaming.]
Whoa! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! [grunts.]
No unauthorized handling! [all screaming.]
Hmph.
No unauthorized handling.
[giggles.]
I will never ever sign another autograph! Got it.
No unauthorized Yeah! Ooh! [air hissing.]
[grumbles.]
No! I mean, yes! All part of my plan.
[grunting.]
Give it here.
Uh-oh.
Does this plan of yours have any other parts? Um crashing.
[all screaming.]
If I do not like this peace treaty, there will be a war on you and all your clan.
When the treaty arrives by the mighty Kung Fu Express, we shall see if any words are not to my liking, and if not, you and your clan will pay.
- Graaa! - Graaa! All: Graaa! Graaa! Graaa! Graaa! Graaa! [coughs.]
What what is this place? Huh? It doesn't matter.
'Cause who got the scroll? Who got the scroll? Who got the scroll? That's right, baby.
Panda got the scroll.
[growls.]
Hey, buddy.
Don't feel bad.
You were up against two Kung Fu masters here.
Hmm? Hmm? No unauthorized handling! All: No unauthorized handling! No unauthorized handling! No unauthorized handling! No unauthorized handling! No unauthorized handling! What the where who are they? All: No unauthorized handling! No unauthorized handling! No unauthorized handling! Maybe it does matter, because we're in the Kung Fu Express headquarters! [gong rings.]
[all shouting.]
Panda and tiger guilty of unauthorized handling.
Check.
Prisoners will be delivered to Chor Ghom prison.
Check.
Prisoners awake.
Noted.
Packages and inventory secure.
Damage to building assessed.
Repair crews dispatched.
Awaiting further orders.
Oh mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Lam's okay.
But I don't see the scroll anywhere.
Kweng has it.
Over there.
Where? What which way did you point? Oh, thanks.
Master Kweng, stop! Whoa! [grunting.]
- Hiya! - Ow! [grunting.]
Aah! Quit moving around so much.
My pants are riding up.
I need something to open this lock.
- Aha! - Huh? Hiya! No, no, no, no.
The other way.
Master Kweng's that-a-way! Oh! Ooh! I am working on it! Little faster, Ty.
- Ooh! - Ha! Whoa! [screams.]
Huh? Ungh! Yes! Ooh! [whimpers.]
Whoa! Whoa! Yah! Ha-ha! Ooh! [grunting.]
Both: Huh? Okay, this could take a while.
Is this it? - Try this one.
- That's not it either.
- What about this one over here? - Maybe this one over here.
No, that's I already looked at that one.
They all look the same.
No unauthorized handling! Stop them! Whoa! Just a sec.
Okay, you're good.
No.
I found it.
I've got it.
Yeah! - Scroll 'em and roll 'em.
- Agreed.
[both growling.]
- Po! - Oh, sorry.
Very impressive, both of you.
I would welcome your skills to my team any day.
- I've got a job.
- Four weeks vacation per year.
That's [grumbles.]
I mean, no way, Kweng.
Sorry, Master Kweng.
But there's a war at stake.
- We can't let you deliver that scroll.
- Oh, but I'm not delivering it.
Cheen-Gwan and Can-Shoo are picking it up here.
- Huh? - Huh? - Whoa! - Whoa! I received a note our package is here.
- I saw it first.
- I touched it first! A message sent must be delivered.
- We we failed.
- Oh, man! Welcome to a thousand years of war.
Thank you, "me".
Check it out.
It's an autograph from the Dragon Warrior.
- I totally love that guy.
- Me too! Oh, my gosh, he's, like so awesome.
Both: Huh? I guess we do have something in common after all.
Yeah.
What are we feuding about, anyway? - Come to me, my brother! - Come to me, my brother! My brothers! Whew! I'm glad this worked out all right.
- The Dragon Warrior.
- Oh, my gosh, do I look okay? We thank you, o Dragon Warrior, for bringing peace to our kingdoms.
From this day forward, your autograph will be displayed - in a place of honor at my palace.
- Yes, that's fine.
But at my palace! - Nuh-uh! - Yuh-huh! I declare war! No, I declare war first! Wow, I see why they call you warlords and not Gentlemen! It looks like I'm gonna have to do something I swore I would never ever do again ever.
Ever! - That was historical.
- Unbelievable.
You avert a war by signing a second autograph.
Righty-O.
You see, Tigress? Maybe me being a celebrity isn't such a bad thing.
Yeah, except that's what put everyone in danger in the first place.
You're welcome.
Look, he said I was his number one fan.
That can't be.
I'm his number one fan.
- That autograph is for me.
- No, it's not! It's mine.
- It's mine! - Mine! - Mine! - Mine! - Mine! - This means war! - This means double war! - Aah!