Lethal Weapon (2016) s02e16 Episode Script
Ruthless
1 It's money in the air, can yofeel it? Whichever way it blow MAN (OVER P.
A.
): Welcome to the LAPD Gun Buyback Program.
$100 to $500 per gun.
No questions asked.
It's money in the air Can you feel it? Whichever way it blow That's the way I will be dealin' It's raining guns out there.
(CHUCKLES) I told you, man.
- Don't ever doubt me.
- You know what? I'm finna call an audible.
Y'all strap up.
We going shopping.
No, wait, wait, wait.
The plan is, we wait till dark, man.
I got a new plan.
Yo, Carlo, there's way too many people out here, man.
Hey, who say we go right now? Show of hands.
Sorry, you been outvoted.
(DISTANT GUNSHOTS, PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) ("THE WEIGHT" BY THE BAND PLAYING) I have three bam.
Man.
Seven crack.
Was feeling 'bout half past dead (HIGH-PITCHED): Ah-ah.
And that is what we call in the business: mo-jonga! Mah-jongg, and mah ass.
You're cheating.
Oh, come on, Ruthie, don't be a sore loser.
Uh, I haven't been called a sore loser since '87.
And lesson learned: never challenge Don Henley to lawn darts.
Now, give me the boot.
- (SIGHS) - Go on.
Take a load off, Fanny Mm-hmm.
- (RATTLING) - Hmm.
Take a load off, Fanny And What kind of schlemiel cheats at penny mah-jongg? The kind who's tired of losing five nights in a row.
- Want to make it six? - You're on.
But it's your night for food.
None of that spray cheese crap you made me eat.
- No spray cheese, no alcohol? - (PHONE BEEPING) You're just a barrel of fun, aren't you, Ruthie? (GROANS) Oh, uh, I got to take this.
What? I'm right in the middle of something.
(DOOR CLOSES) Son of a (RUTHIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) Because I told him that bef I've already You know I already talked to him, right? I (STAMMERS): Last week.
(GROANS) Okay.
Well, how much? Take a load off, Fanny That's more money than I've seen in my life.
This is extortion.
And you put the load right on No.
The hell I will! I said, the hell I will! Everything okay? Depends how you look at it.
I I got to take off.
See you tonight? No, Marty.
I-I mean, I'm taking off.
Taillights by sunset.
Wait a minute, you're leaving? Hey.
Who was that on the phone? Oh.
It's no one.
Just, um, I got to, you know, I just time for me to go.
I-I don't like staying in one place for too long.
Roamers gotta roam, huh? This is, you know, good news for you.
You're gonna get your view back.
RIANA: Oh, no, you slept down here again? What? No.
I'm just, uh, folding up laundry, you know.
And, uh, tidying up my pillow, - as one does.
- That's called denial.
It's been five nights in a row.
Look, whatever's going on between you and Mom, apologize already.
There's nothing going on.
RIANA: Really? You two are barely talking, you're sleeping on the couch, and your toothbrush is always downstairs.
You know what? You're brainwashed.
You sound just like your mother.
- That's your mother talking.
- No.
This is their mother talking.
Riana, RJ, dismissed.
No, Riana, RJ, you don't have to go anywhere.
We are captains of our own ships in this house.
See ya, Dad.
- I'm out.
- Mm.
Trish.
Good morning, Roger.
And, uh how did you sleep last night? Right in the middle of the bed spread out.
Roger.
Is there nothing you want to say to me? Actually, there is.
Have you seen my, uh keys? They're in your hand, Roger.
No, no.
My, uh other keys.
The motorcycle.
- You are not - Oops.
Ha! Found 'em.
Good for you.
- I'll be out there poppin' wheelies.
- Eh.
(SIREN CHIRPS, INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER) What the hell are you doing? Hanging up my helmet.
You know, when I talked to Trish, I-I thought maybe she was overreacting, but You talked to Trish? That is an unbelievable betrayal.
Eh, she calls, I just don't want to be rude.
You ignore my phone calls all the time.
- You want my advice? - No, I do not.
Apologize to Trish and move on.
You know, look, I-I-I've been playing a lot of mah-jongg lately.
- Mah-jongg? - (CHUCKLES) - Let me guess.
Ruthie? - And what I've learned is that you got to play the tiles you've been dealt.
I've got excellent tiles.
You're overplaying your hand, Rog.
- It's a schmuck move.
- Did you just say "schmuck"? (SCOFFS) Am I supposed to take advice from a guy who's dating his 86-year-old neighbor? We're not dating.
Okay.
Bumpin' uglies.
And she's not my neighbor.
Anymore, anyway.
Aw, I'm sorry to hear that.
Don't worry, you'll find someone else.
There's a retirement community just up the road.
Bowman, is it too early in the morning to punch Rog in the face? Don't answer that.
It's not a real question.
So, someone ripped off our gun buyback? That's got to be a first.
They got a truck filled with 400-plus weapons.
Officers were ambushed by masked gangbangers.
One of whom decided to stick around.
Well, it was decided for him.
- Did we shoot him in the back? - Wasn't LAPD.
Eyewitnesses all say the same thing, though.
Someone on his own team took him out.
BOWMAN: Imagine? Getting to the point where you'd shoot your own partner in the back? Oh, yeah, yep, I could see that.
100% Avery, we have a development.
Good, because we can't let a truck full of guns get taken under our noses please tell me you found 'em.
The guns? No.
We have a barely reliable eyewitness who saw some gang ink on a suspect.
Riggs and I are heading to Crenshaw - to investigate the lead.
- That's the development? What? No.
I'm talking about a development with Trish.
This morning I sensed a ready-to-crack vibe from her.
So I think if I can just wedge that I'm gonna have to stop you right there, Rog.
I-I'm gonna have to recuse myself.
Trish called today looking for an ear, and I feel like I should remain a neutral party.
First Riggs, now you.
She's employing the isolation method.
It's like Sun Tzu says.
Chapter one, The Art of War.
If your enemies are united, divide 'em.
You're reading The Art of War? She's a master strategist I need all the help - I can get.
- Roger you need to apologize.
End this.
She is not ready to crack.
I've done nothing wrong.
And this wouldn't be an apology, it would be a surrender.
Do that, then.
That's a great idea.
I thought you were a neutral party.
And I am neutrally telling you that Trish is way out of your league.
You won the lottery; don't throw away the ticket.
Well, you've made your side known.
There's no sides.
In war, there's always a side.
Sun Tzu.
A doughnut without a hole is just a Danish.
That's Caddyshack.
Doesn't make it less true.
("POCKET FULL" BY ENVY AND FANCY PLAYING) Okay I keep my phone full of girls and my pocket full of numbers The way I hit the block can keep it hot as November You're about to get it.
The way I hit the block can keep it hot as November Let's get it Phone full of girls and my pocket full of numbers The way I hit the block can keep it hot as November My phone full of girls and my pocket full of numbers The way I hit the block can keep it hot as November Hey, Riggs.
What the hell was that? What was what? The spit.
When you passed me on the 10, you spit! Nah, that doesn't sound like me.
Yeah? Then explain this.
Oh.
Maybe, uh - windshield wiper fluid? - You know that would require you to wash your damn windshield.
Look, we could do this all day.
Why don't we split up and try to find the bang sticks? - (CLICKS TONGUE) - Yeah.
And who shot his friend? - Maybe I can get some tips.
- Uh-huh.
You ain't got to work All you got to do is put your back into it (WHISTLES) Whoa, 305 V-8.
15-inch radials with spinners.
You are one hot piece of American pie.
Why, thank you.
I was talking about the car.
I know.
I like a man who appreciates the classics, even if he is a cop.
You the owner of that fine-ass Harley? You don't ever own a Harley.
The Harley owns you.
Heritage Softail.
Twin cam engine.
Dark, slim and smooth.
Huh.
Just how I like it.
Uh, yeah, um getting to the point.
Uh, you might know something about some stolen guns? Ah.
You want to talk to Booker.
Ever since Carlo got got, he's the man in charge.
He over there.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey! This looks like fun.
You guys mind if I play? Uh, sorry, buddy, this game is full.
Oh, that's all right.
Look, I, uh brought my own tiles.
- Oh, there we go.
- What the hell is this? Coming up in here dropping Chinese Scrabble.
No, that's mah-jongg.
Fun as hell.
My man knows what's up.
Man, this dude's a cop.
LAPD must have lowered the bar on that entrance exam, huh? Yeah, well, it is multiple choice.
Right? One gets lucky.
(CHUCKLES) Well, Officer, if you plan on arresting us for betting on dominoes, can you do it now? 'Cause I'm up, like, 50 bucks on these fools.
(ALL CHUCKLING) Look, I got a bet.
I bet you know where I can find about 400 stolen weapons.
Can't help you there.
All right, let me double down.
I bet that 9mm you're holding matches the weapon that shot Carlo.
What's he talking about? Oh, wait a minute.
You-you didn't tell these guys? Oh, look, here's the thing.
I I don't fault the impulse, okay? That, I get.
But shooting him in the back Dang, bud, that's cold-blooded.
WOMAN: Oh! (PEOPLE SHOUTING) MAN: Hey, man.
(HORN HONKS, TIRES SCREECH) (SHOUTING) (SHOUTING CONTINUES) Hey, look the guns are secure, all right? I'm a cop.
You're a cop? Not so loud.
Look, you are messing with a federal operation.
There he is.
Here, quick, just hit me.
Wait, wait a minute.
What now? Hit me, man.
To protect my cover.
And make it look good.
- MAN: Oh! Huh.
- WOMAN: Oh! - Came out of nowhere.
- For real? (HANDCUFFS TIGHTEN) - Good job, Rog.
- TOYA: Hey.
Aren't you gonna give me your number? My number, baby? Mm-hmm.
(RIGGS GROANS) How many times do I have to say it? We're not gonna put a hard number on that, are we? Nope.
I shot Carlo because he was about to shoot a uni.
You know what, you're welcome.
- He's a nutjob.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, that's delightful.
But the guns.
Where are the guns? You will get the guns when I'm done with the op.
Now, if you keep me here, a major arms dealer is just gonna skate away.
Right, 'cause you're an "undercover cop.
" (CHUCKLES) I'm ATF.
Hmm.
Now, do you need me to spell that for you? Wow.
All right, that's the best alibi I've heard all day.
You win the coffee.
ATF.
Nobody's ever come in here and sat down and said that.
(SNIFFS) Ugh, man.
Precinct swill.
It's off-brand Maxwell House.
It's the cutbacks of 2016, right? And I think I believe him.
Because he smelled the coffee? He knew about the cutbacks of 2016.
There's always cutbacks.
Look, buddy, I've seen undercover.
I know undercover.
You are not undercover.
(KNOCKING ON GLASS) Be right back.
AVERY: I got a call.
He's ATF.
Oh, he's ATF.
But posing as a gang member.
What do they call that again? I just don't understand how I missed it.
- Undercover! - Well, undercover or not, stealing guns from our backyard, not cool.
The ATF's gonna hear from this guy.
Undercover's supposed to smell undercover.
My compass must be off.
- What's he babbling about? - Just don't.
Just no, don't-don't ask.
Oh, no.
Really? Rog, have you ever been undercover? Not just undercover.
Deep, deep undercover.
(SIGHS) It was two weeks.
Undercover as what? Randy Drexler, a journeyman used car salesman.
The youngest of six children.
Randy grew up poor in a cabin built by his grandpappy just outside of Reno.
Created a whole character bio.
For two weeks, we had to call him Randy.
Yeah, because I was Randy! A gifted salesman with questionable moral judgment.
You know, Randy took down an entire criminal enterprise.
It was a chop shop in El Monte.
And helped a certain unnamed actor win his second Academy Award.
Denzel went on a ride-along with Randy.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
But he didn't even thank Randy or I at the Oscars.
What's he doing? I don't know.
Hopefully a sequel to Glory.
Not Denzel.
Bowman, what are you doing? Ah, there you are.
I got that name for you.
- The one harassing Ruthie.
- He's still seeing Ruthie? Yeah.
I think it's purely sexual.
- Ugh.
- Uh, his name's Teddy Malkin.
He's a repo man.
(TOW TRUCK WHIRRING) Ted Malkin? Is this your car? Take it up with your bank, pal.
Two steps back or we're gonna have a problem.
Yeah, this is not my vehicle, Teddy, but we do have a problem.
See, you been hunting down Ruthie Krumholz.
I need you to lose her paperwork.
Ruthie Krumholz? You're talking to me about Ruthie Krumholz? I don't like the way you keep saying her name.
(SIGHS) Mom, where do you find these guys? What are you let me guess spoken word poet? What did you just say? Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to offend.
Twig furniture maker? Wait, Ruthie's your mother? She never mentioned she had kids.
Makes it easier to pretend she doesn't.
So, you called her this morning and you're the one that freaked her out.
What was it you said? My mother uses my mailing address.
Every collection agent, IRS auditor that tries to reach her finds me.
I called to tell her that the City of I.
A.
sent a bill for 1,800 parking tickets.
I asked if she needed money.
Money? I know.
I'm a real dick, right? How long you known my mom? Two or three weeks.
Two or three weeks? So you overheard a phone call and then took it upon yourself to trace the number, track me down, and confront me all because? I didn't want her to leave.
Wow.
Dude, if you're holding on to her that tight, I think I just met the one person more dysfunctional than she is.
Brooks Avery, the disappointment of Delta Tau.
Blum.
- You're still with the ATF? - (CHUCKLES) Try newly appointed special agent in charge of Los Angeles.
You didn't read about it in the class notes? The alumni newsletter? Yeah, no, no one reads that.
Where's Booker? I want my guy back.
I want my weapons back.
The weapons LAPD lost? The weapons ATF stole in some half-assed undercover operation.
(SIGHS) The ATF doesn't sanction covert robberies of the LAPD, okay? There was no undercover operation.
Your-your guy Booker said My guy is a lunatic.
He said he's been undercover, chasing some arms dealer.
Luther Strickland.
It was only supposed to last six months.
Then Strickland shoots Booker's partner.
Booker then goes off the deep end.
I can't control him.
And now it's like he's his own boss.
And since then, the job has been Yep.
Been there.
Please.
You have no idea what it's like trying to manage a certifiable maniac for years.
Trust me, I do.
I have a stress-induced hiatal hernia the size of a melon.
My chiropractor says this job is giving me the posture of a 16th-century serf.
I'm growing a hunch.
My guy's worse.
I'm gonna get a character witness.
Hey, Bowman! Send Murtaugh in here.
Can you hurry up, dude? I do have places to be.
It's possible that you have not torpedoed my entire operation yet.
There is no operation.
(SCOFFS) You want to help me, tell me where the guns are.
My God, man, are you really back to this? You just spoke to my handler, right? Yeah, we talked.
As a matter of fact, he's here now to take you in.
- (CHUCKLES) Please, Blum is - (DOOR OPENS) Come on, let's go.
(GRUNTS) Look, did he tell you that Strickland killed my partner? He did.
And I'm sorry.
I understand why you went off the rails.
Been there myself.
But it's over.
Your only play is to tell me where the guns are.
Looks like I got a couple of plays left.
BOOKER: Everybody stay back! Stay back! Oh, my good God.
Stay back! OFFICER: Put the weapon down! Booker! Move! - Booker.
- Everybody calm down! Roger, you okay? Fine.
Why do you ask? You be smart, Booker.
(DINGS) (ALARM BUZZES) You should think about what you're doing.
You know, if I thought about it, I probably wouldn't do it.
(CHUCKLES) Undercover life.
Every day's an adventure, am I right? Booker, stand down.
This is not gonna end well.
Surrender that weapon.
What the heck's going on? His lunatic took Murtaugh hostage in the elevator.
Who is that? My lunatic.
(ELEVATOR DINGS) (WHIRRING) Well, Booker, I know you're not gonna shoot a cop.
So what's your plan? I don't know.
What would you do? I don't know.
Me, I'd probably climb down, turn myself in.
Yeah, you know what, I don't think you would.
And I don't think I will either.
Riggs! Figure you got about 30 seconds to save your partner.
Well, look who decided to drop in.
Everything all right with Ruthie? Would you like to talk about this now, or I'd like to talk about this in the break room.
If you could just I don't have the key.
I got a key.
Watch your eyes.
(BOTH GRUNTING) Come on, Rog.
(SHOUTING) - (ELEVATOR CRASHES) - You know what? If Trish calls tonight, you might not want to mention this.
Yeah.
ROGER JR.
: Yo, Dad, this is the best macaroni and cheese ever.
Well, it's the breadcrumbs.
Your mother doesn't seem to like them.
But in this house, we are all - captains of our own ship.
- Captains of our own ship.
- Got it.
- Very well said, son.
Good, very good.
Here.
Take these.
- Why, aren't you the sweet one? - No.
You are.
You're giving them to mom when she gets home.
Why, pray tell, would I do that? 'Cause this has gone on long enough, Dad.
Okay, look what you're doing to RJ.
He's having two dinners every night.
Wh you've been eating with your mother, too? Don't drag me into this.
RIANA: Mm-hmm.
I'm only here for the free food.
- Judas.
- RIANA: Dad.
You left your bike in the middle of the driveway.
You're trying to provoke her.
No, I'm trying to set an example for my children.
There comes a time when a man must plant his flag.
And he must hold firm to that flag, consequences be damned.
(CAR CRASHES OUTSIDE) I think Mom just ran over your flag.
MURTAUGH: You murdered my bike.
You hit her on purpose.
Roger, it was dark, and you left it in the middle of the driveway.
Vehicles belong in the driveway.
That is why they're called "driveways.
" It was an innocent accident.
Oh, was it? Art of War, chapter 11.
"Destroy that which the enemy holds dear.
" Oh, so you think this is a war.
Who's winning, Roger? You know what? The joke is on you, because when I report you, and I will, your insurance rates are gonna go up.
I can afford it.
(ELEVATOR DINGS) Martin Ellis Riggs, what the hell is wrong with you? That's not my middle name.
You booted my RV.
No, you booted your RV by not paying those parking tickets.
You know, when the cop told me that a mustachioed detective ratted me out, I-I figured, sure, another one of Tom Selleck's pranks, but no, it was you.
Why? Vehicular truancy is a serious offense.
You had 1,800 parking tickets.
What am I supposed to do with that? How'd you find out about that? A concerned citizen.
- A concerned citizen? - A concerned citizen.
Who would even know that I? Oh, my God.
You You talked to my son? Okay.
How'd you find him? I would love to tell you that, but, technically, that would be a violation of the Fourth Amendment.
You had no right to do that.
- Look, I thought you were in trouble.
- Okay? So you tried to keep me here with a boot.
Look, I-I didn't know.
I thought you were in trouble, okay? You-you were scared when you came in from that phone call.
I'm not scared, Marty, you are.
Scared of what? That when I go, you'll be all alone.
- All right.
- And on those quiet nights, in that empty tin coffin, you won't have anybody or anything to keep you from falling off the wagon.
Or worse.
I'm not your crutch, Marty.
I wasn't put here to save you.
I never asked you to.
Good.
Because some people are beyond saving.
MAN (ON RECORDING): one the ancients called "The Fighter," is one who not only wins, but excels in winning with ease.
He who knows when he can fight, - and when he cannot - (PHONE RINGS) will be victorious.
Murtaugh, how's the stakeout? Did Blum's tip pay off? He who is prudent lies in wait.
For the love of God, when are you gonna be done with that book? I think Booker just led me to the truck from the gun buyback.
Any guns in that truck? No idea, but the truck's on the move.
- (ENGINE STARTS) - Any word from Riggs? No, not yet.
You know what they say.
- He who is pru - (BEEPS) (SNORING NEARBY) (SNORING CONTINUES) Yep.
That's Riggs in a drawer.
Did you not believe me? I thought you were trying to trick me down here for a birthday party.
Can you both please shut up? Did you sleep in here? This is a new low.
So many health code violations.
AVERY: This is for a college friend to settle a bet.
What are you do shut the drawer.
Murtaugh's looking for you.
He's following Booker.
He may have a lead on the guns.
Oh, that is not formaldehyde.
Riggs, are you drunk? Not at the moment.
Should I be worried? I mean It was on purpose, wasn't it? Excuse me? You hit Dad's motorcycle on purpose.
You aimed for it, maybe even sped up.
What? No.
I-I didn't see it.
I tried to stop.
Then where are the skid marks? (SCOFFS) Riana, I'm telling you No.
Let's go out into the driveway right now.
You can show me where the skid marks are from where you braked.
There are no skid marks.
- I didn't brake.
I hit it on purpose.
- Why? Because he knows he's not supposed to be riding that motorcycle.
He knows, and he won't listen to words, so Mom.
What are you guys doing? You guys? No, not "you guys.
" I'm not the one acting Listen, I have been very rational.
Oh, oh, besides the whole driveway thing.
You know what? He's the one digging in.
- You're both digging in.
- Your father started it.
Do you hear yourself right now? Listen, you don't understand.
When you're married, you will.
There are lines that are crossed, and you just, you got to dig in.
Fine, Mom.
Even if you're right, what happens if you guys dig in so far that you can't make it back? (SCOFFS) You getting ready to take those back to the LAPD, right? What are you doing here, man? You're gonna mess this up for me.
Just walk away.
I ain't going nowhere without you, baby.
Is there a problem, William? Nah.
Ain't no problem at all, Mr.
Strickland.
Yeah, just give us a second to sort this out.
All I'm saying is your Glock 19 will take your Glock 17 magazines, and not the other way around.
And I think that that should be reflected in the price.
STRICKLAND: William.
You didn't tell me you'd be bringing someone.
Who's this? Who am I? You want to know who I am.
Mr.
Strickland, who are you that you don't know me? I'm the broker, baby.
I'm the man.
I'm Randy Drexler.
Is that right? He's with you? Hell yeah.
It's Randy Drexler.
He's my broker.
I don't leave home without him.
(LAUGHS) Fair enough.
(MOUTHS) (GRUNTS) That's so next time you tell me when you're bringing someone.
Get your partner here inside, Randy Drexler.
Let's do some business.
All right, this is a bad idea.
You should wait for backup.
Avery, would you please take this guy to school? They don't wait for backup.
We don't know what Strickland has planned.
This could be an ambush.
Could be, but it's probably not.
Probably not? You're gonna let him risk his life on "probably not"? I don't "let him" do anything.
He just sort of does it.
Yeah.
Booker, too.
It's infuriating.
Sometimes I fantasize about getting hit by a bus.
Not enough to kill me, you know, just enough to put me in a coma.
Yeah.
For me, it's a train.
A train's interesting.
You-you know I can hear you both, right? What's your plan, Riggs? You can't just walk up and knock on the door.
Uh, you're right.
I'll ring the bell.
(DOORBELL BUZZES) - Oh.
He's gonna ring the bell.
- It's nicer.
Club's closed.
Oh, I'm not here for the party.
I have a meeting with Strickland.
I'm representing Carlo Gutierrez.
Carlo's dead.
Ah, well.
All the more reason he needs representation.
Who are you? Me? I'm, uh I'm Randy Drexler.
You're Randy Drexler? Yeah.
Named after my grandpappy who built the cabin I grew up in.
Really special man.
Randy Drexler.
Strickland's definitely gonna want to see you.
Ah, beautiful.
(MEN SPEAKING SOFTLY) Arms up.
Randy Drexler meet Randy Drexler.
Hey.
Small world.
Microscopic.
What are the odds? Two Randy Drexlers in the same club.
Like Drexler and Drexler.
This sounds kind of like a law firm or something.
- Funny.
Well, I'm in sales, so - MURTAUGH: Funny.
You don't look like a Randy Drexler.
Funny.
That's not what Denzel said.
I signed an NDA, so I shouldn't really talk about it, but he loosely based one of his characters on me.
Denzel played you in a movie? I've said too much already.
What do you think, William? You vouched for one Randy.
What about the other? I ain't never seen that dude before in my life.
STRICKLAND: Good.
Then you won't mind if we kill him.
Look, come on, man.
You ain't got to shoot this guy.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) I'm not gonna shoot anybody.
You know, I You-you get me wrong.
I don't care if there's one Randy Drexler or two or 12.
I just don't like cops.
- Who said anything about cops, baby? - I did.
Me.
That's who.
And I think you might be one.
Now, I'm more than happy to be proven wrong.
Go on, take it.
Shoot him.
Hey, look, this this wasn't part of the deal, man.
Oh, well, I could kill all three of you instead.
That's your call.
Or we could let him go and make him live in the shame of defeat.
Ooh, that would be cold-blooded.
You don't come back from that.
Mm-mm.
You shoot him.
Or he shoots you.
Come on, Randy.
You don't have much of a choice.
It's all right.
Shoot me.
You want me to shoot you? Yeah.
I want you to shoot me.
- Just-just shoot me.
- This is Randy, it's okay.
Some people they're beyond saving.
Let's go.
It's now or never.
Let's go, Randy! Shoot! On three.
Three - two - Shoot, Randy! - Shoot! - Do it! - (GUN CLICKS) What? (LAUGHS) You thought we'd give you a loaded gun? But you did good, Randy.
You did real good.
Now take him out back and do it right.
You shot at me! You told me to shoot you! You were supposed to shoot over me.
- Or shoot the bad guy, something! - How was I supposed to know that? Listen, I was very clear with my signal! MURTAUGH: You suck at charades.
Besides, I knew it wasn't loaded 'cause I could feel the weight of the gun.
Lies.
How? What-what lies? A bullet weighs ten grams.
I'm an industry professional.
I know my tools.
(GUNFIRE CONTINUES) (GRUNTS) Hey, speaking of tools, mine's empty.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Hey, Randy? Yeah? Been nice working with you.
You, too, Randy.
- (DOOR OPENS) - LAPD! Hands in the air! - On your knees! - Hands in the air! Put your weapons down now! Stay on the ground! Hey, Cap.
What took you guys so long? You're right.
Train's faster.
You're serious? Rog, I am just dying to see this magical skill of yours.
So you choose the weapon that's unloaded, and I'll shoot myself in the foot.
I don't want to.
- Because you can't.
Admit it.
- I can.
- You got lucky.
- Uh, hey.
- How's your shoulder? - (CLEARS THROAT) - It's about as good as this coffee.
- Mm.
(CHUCKLES) Hey, listen, man, I need to apologize for the other day.
- The elevator.
- Hey, forget it.
Undercover life, right? Every day's an adventure.
Yeah, well, you saved my ass, Randy Drexler.
- You're welcome.
- You're welcome.
What? This gun.
That's the one.
- Oh, is this it? - Yep.
You know, it doesn't feel like it.
Yeah, trust me.
All right, I'm gonna shoot.
- One, two, three! - Ah! You're right.
- Your lunatic's worse.
- Thank you.
Let's go.
What was that? Rog has a special skill.
He can determine if a weapon is loaded or not simply by putting it in his hands.
Yeah, my hands are like scales.
Really? Can they also deliver wine, flowers and a romantic apology weekend for your wife? I don't need an apology weekend.
Oh, you and Trish made up? Even better.
She screwed up.
(LAUGHS) She ran my motorcycle over on purpose, but now she feels really bad.
She's called me twice already.
Solved like adults.
What did she say? I didn't even pick up the phone.
- (RIGGS AND AVERY GROAN) - I'm milking it.
For the first time, I have the upper hand in the relationship.
(SIGHS) You don't have the you've got pocket threes, Rog.
- At best.
You should fold.
- Yeah.
- You should fold.
Fold.
- It's like Sun Tzu says.
If you What he said.
(SEABIRDS SQUAWKING) (EXHALES) I see you took care of your boot problem.
Well, a couple of shotgun shells will pretty much take care of anything.
Let me guess.
Charles Bronson taught you that? Ricardo Montalbán's stableboy.
(CLICKS TONGUE) So, uh what are you still doing hanging around? Well, you know, wanted to say good-bye.
And, uh you know, something maybe in the apology arena.
("THE WEIGHT" BY THE BAND PLAYING) Uh you didn't come home last night.
Thinking I was maybe a little too harsh.
I pulled into Nazareth Was feeling about half past dead Not the worst thing in the world to have someone look out for you, is it? Maybe you could change your mind.
Stick around for a little while.
Wish I could.
(SIGHS) I'm not built to stick around.
Not like you.
I never did figure out how to put down roots.
Roots? Lady, my house has wheels on it, too.
Wheel.
One wheel.
Yeah, the left one had some life in it, so I took it in case I need a spare.
The point is, Marty Take a load off, Fanny don't be so afraid.
Uh, what-what am I afraid? To put roots down? Is that it? I think you're afraid 'cause you already have.
You put the load right on me I'm out of wisdom.
That's Don't have anything else for you.
Oh! And this.
Then I saw Carmen and the devil Walking side by side What am I supposed to do with this? I said, "Hey, Carmen" Find someone to play with.
Take a load off, Fanny See you, Marty.
Take a load for free Take a load off, Fanny (ENGINE STARTS) And, and, and You put the load right on me Take a load off, Fanny Take a load for free Take a load off, Fanny And, and, and You put the load right on me.
Hey.
Where is everybody? Hey.
Um, they're out.
Uh, I was thinking we could have dinner and talk.
- Mmm.
- Baby we're a team.
And I was thinking About running over my motorcycle.
Don't even worry about it.
You're forgiven.
- I'm forgiven? - Mm-hmm.
I did park haphazardly - in the middle of the driveway.
- That's true.
Mm-hmm.
And it was dark out, - so you probably didn't see it.
- It was dark.
And probably for the first time in the history of automatic lights, yours automatically didn't come on, - 'cause sometimes - Roger, Roger.
I'm sorry that I ran over your motorcycle.
And I'm sorry that I said that I'm over it, and I really wasn't over it.
And I'm still not over it, but I'm getting over it.
And it's done.
- (LAUGHS) - Done.
- You sure? - Mm-hmm.
Good.
Fresh start? Yeah.
- Hmm? - Oh, baby.
(LAUGHS) What's going on? - Um, your father and I - No, outside.
We got a new car? What? No.
No, no, no, no.
- We didn't get a new car.
- Well, actually, we kind of did, you know? (CHUCKLES) I bought it from a friend.
It was a what do you call it a impulse purchase.
(SNAPPING FINGERS) - Got kind of crazy.
- (ALL LAUGH) Okay, so, your father made a mistake, but we are adults, and we will discuss "Mistake"? I don't think it was a mistake.
Hmm.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Come in.
(WAVES CRASHING OUTSIDE) I, uh, may have overplayed my hand.
Hmm.
Hmm.
All right, come in.
Sit down.
Take a load off, Fanny The game is mah-jongg.
Ten-dollar game.
- Ready? - Mah-jongg? What? This is like What do you want to play, shuffleboard after that? Maybe some horseshoes? RIGGS: You want to sleep out in the sand? - MURTAUGH: Okay.
- RIGGS: Yeah.
You put the load right on me.
A.
): Welcome to the LAPD Gun Buyback Program.
$100 to $500 per gun.
No questions asked.
It's money in the air Can you feel it? Whichever way it blow That's the way I will be dealin' It's raining guns out there.
(CHUCKLES) I told you, man.
- Don't ever doubt me.
- You know what? I'm finna call an audible.
Y'all strap up.
We going shopping.
No, wait, wait, wait.
The plan is, we wait till dark, man.
I got a new plan.
Yo, Carlo, there's way too many people out here, man.
Hey, who say we go right now? Show of hands.
Sorry, you been outvoted.
(DISTANT GUNSHOTS, PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) ("THE WEIGHT" BY THE BAND PLAYING) I have three bam.
Man.
Seven crack.
Was feeling 'bout half past dead (HIGH-PITCHED): Ah-ah.
And that is what we call in the business: mo-jonga! Mah-jongg, and mah ass.
You're cheating.
Oh, come on, Ruthie, don't be a sore loser.
Uh, I haven't been called a sore loser since '87.
And lesson learned: never challenge Don Henley to lawn darts.
Now, give me the boot.
- (SIGHS) - Go on.
Take a load off, Fanny Mm-hmm.
- (RATTLING) - Hmm.
Take a load off, Fanny And What kind of schlemiel cheats at penny mah-jongg? The kind who's tired of losing five nights in a row.
- Want to make it six? - You're on.
But it's your night for food.
None of that spray cheese crap you made me eat.
- No spray cheese, no alcohol? - (PHONE BEEPING) You're just a barrel of fun, aren't you, Ruthie? (GROANS) Oh, uh, I got to take this.
What? I'm right in the middle of something.
(DOOR CLOSES) Son of a (RUTHIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) Because I told him that bef I've already You know I already talked to him, right? I (STAMMERS): Last week.
(GROANS) Okay.
Well, how much? Take a load off, Fanny That's more money than I've seen in my life.
This is extortion.
And you put the load right on No.
The hell I will! I said, the hell I will! Everything okay? Depends how you look at it.
I I got to take off.
See you tonight? No, Marty.
I-I mean, I'm taking off.
Taillights by sunset.
Wait a minute, you're leaving? Hey.
Who was that on the phone? Oh.
It's no one.
Just, um, I got to, you know, I just time for me to go.
I-I don't like staying in one place for too long.
Roamers gotta roam, huh? This is, you know, good news for you.
You're gonna get your view back.
RIANA: Oh, no, you slept down here again? What? No.
I'm just, uh, folding up laundry, you know.
And, uh, tidying up my pillow, - as one does.
- That's called denial.
It's been five nights in a row.
Look, whatever's going on between you and Mom, apologize already.
There's nothing going on.
RIANA: Really? You two are barely talking, you're sleeping on the couch, and your toothbrush is always downstairs.
You know what? You're brainwashed.
You sound just like your mother.
- That's your mother talking.
- No.
This is their mother talking.
Riana, RJ, dismissed.
No, Riana, RJ, you don't have to go anywhere.
We are captains of our own ships in this house.
See ya, Dad.
- I'm out.
- Mm.
Trish.
Good morning, Roger.
And, uh how did you sleep last night? Right in the middle of the bed spread out.
Roger.
Is there nothing you want to say to me? Actually, there is.
Have you seen my, uh keys? They're in your hand, Roger.
No, no.
My, uh other keys.
The motorcycle.
- You are not - Oops.
Ha! Found 'em.
Good for you.
- I'll be out there poppin' wheelies.
- Eh.
(SIREN CHIRPS, INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER) What the hell are you doing? Hanging up my helmet.
You know, when I talked to Trish, I-I thought maybe she was overreacting, but You talked to Trish? That is an unbelievable betrayal.
Eh, she calls, I just don't want to be rude.
You ignore my phone calls all the time.
- You want my advice? - No, I do not.
Apologize to Trish and move on.
You know, look, I-I-I've been playing a lot of mah-jongg lately.
- Mah-jongg? - (CHUCKLES) - Let me guess.
Ruthie? - And what I've learned is that you got to play the tiles you've been dealt.
I've got excellent tiles.
You're overplaying your hand, Rog.
- It's a schmuck move.
- Did you just say "schmuck"? (SCOFFS) Am I supposed to take advice from a guy who's dating his 86-year-old neighbor? We're not dating.
Okay.
Bumpin' uglies.
And she's not my neighbor.
Anymore, anyway.
Aw, I'm sorry to hear that.
Don't worry, you'll find someone else.
There's a retirement community just up the road.
Bowman, is it too early in the morning to punch Rog in the face? Don't answer that.
It's not a real question.
So, someone ripped off our gun buyback? That's got to be a first.
They got a truck filled with 400-plus weapons.
Officers were ambushed by masked gangbangers.
One of whom decided to stick around.
Well, it was decided for him.
- Did we shoot him in the back? - Wasn't LAPD.
Eyewitnesses all say the same thing, though.
Someone on his own team took him out.
BOWMAN: Imagine? Getting to the point where you'd shoot your own partner in the back? Oh, yeah, yep, I could see that.
100% Avery, we have a development.
Good, because we can't let a truck full of guns get taken under our noses please tell me you found 'em.
The guns? No.
We have a barely reliable eyewitness who saw some gang ink on a suspect.
Riggs and I are heading to Crenshaw - to investigate the lead.
- That's the development? What? No.
I'm talking about a development with Trish.
This morning I sensed a ready-to-crack vibe from her.
So I think if I can just wedge that I'm gonna have to stop you right there, Rog.
I-I'm gonna have to recuse myself.
Trish called today looking for an ear, and I feel like I should remain a neutral party.
First Riggs, now you.
She's employing the isolation method.
It's like Sun Tzu says.
Chapter one, The Art of War.
If your enemies are united, divide 'em.
You're reading The Art of War? She's a master strategist I need all the help - I can get.
- Roger you need to apologize.
End this.
She is not ready to crack.
I've done nothing wrong.
And this wouldn't be an apology, it would be a surrender.
Do that, then.
That's a great idea.
I thought you were a neutral party.
And I am neutrally telling you that Trish is way out of your league.
You won the lottery; don't throw away the ticket.
Well, you've made your side known.
There's no sides.
In war, there's always a side.
Sun Tzu.
A doughnut without a hole is just a Danish.
That's Caddyshack.
Doesn't make it less true.
("POCKET FULL" BY ENVY AND FANCY PLAYING) Okay I keep my phone full of girls and my pocket full of numbers The way I hit the block can keep it hot as November You're about to get it.
The way I hit the block can keep it hot as November Let's get it Phone full of girls and my pocket full of numbers The way I hit the block can keep it hot as November My phone full of girls and my pocket full of numbers The way I hit the block can keep it hot as November Hey, Riggs.
What the hell was that? What was what? The spit.
When you passed me on the 10, you spit! Nah, that doesn't sound like me.
Yeah? Then explain this.
Oh.
Maybe, uh - windshield wiper fluid? - You know that would require you to wash your damn windshield.
Look, we could do this all day.
Why don't we split up and try to find the bang sticks? - (CLICKS TONGUE) - Yeah.
And who shot his friend? - Maybe I can get some tips.
- Uh-huh.
You ain't got to work All you got to do is put your back into it (WHISTLES) Whoa, 305 V-8.
15-inch radials with spinners.
You are one hot piece of American pie.
Why, thank you.
I was talking about the car.
I know.
I like a man who appreciates the classics, even if he is a cop.
You the owner of that fine-ass Harley? You don't ever own a Harley.
The Harley owns you.
Heritage Softail.
Twin cam engine.
Dark, slim and smooth.
Huh.
Just how I like it.
Uh, yeah, um getting to the point.
Uh, you might know something about some stolen guns? Ah.
You want to talk to Booker.
Ever since Carlo got got, he's the man in charge.
He over there.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey! This looks like fun.
You guys mind if I play? Uh, sorry, buddy, this game is full.
Oh, that's all right.
Look, I, uh brought my own tiles.
- Oh, there we go.
- What the hell is this? Coming up in here dropping Chinese Scrabble.
No, that's mah-jongg.
Fun as hell.
My man knows what's up.
Man, this dude's a cop.
LAPD must have lowered the bar on that entrance exam, huh? Yeah, well, it is multiple choice.
Right? One gets lucky.
(CHUCKLES) Well, Officer, if you plan on arresting us for betting on dominoes, can you do it now? 'Cause I'm up, like, 50 bucks on these fools.
(ALL CHUCKLING) Look, I got a bet.
I bet you know where I can find about 400 stolen weapons.
Can't help you there.
All right, let me double down.
I bet that 9mm you're holding matches the weapon that shot Carlo.
What's he talking about? Oh, wait a minute.
You-you didn't tell these guys? Oh, look, here's the thing.
I I don't fault the impulse, okay? That, I get.
But shooting him in the back Dang, bud, that's cold-blooded.
WOMAN: Oh! (PEOPLE SHOUTING) MAN: Hey, man.
(HORN HONKS, TIRES SCREECH) (SHOUTING) (SHOUTING CONTINUES) Hey, look the guns are secure, all right? I'm a cop.
You're a cop? Not so loud.
Look, you are messing with a federal operation.
There he is.
Here, quick, just hit me.
Wait, wait a minute.
What now? Hit me, man.
To protect my cover.
And make it look good.
- MAN: Oh! Huh.
- WOMAN: Oh! - Came out of nowhere.
- For real? (HANDCUFFS TIGHTEN) - Good job, Rog.
- TOYA: Hey.
Aren't you gonna give me your number? My number, baby? Mm-hmm.
(RIGGS GROANS) How many times do I have to say it? We're not gonna put a hard number on that, are we? Nope.
I shot Carlo because he was about to shoot a uni.
You know what, you're welcome.
- He's a nutjob.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, that's delightful.
But the guns.
Where are the guns? You will get the guns when I'm done with the op.
Now, if you keep me here, a major arms dealer is just gonna skate away.
Right, 'cause you're an "undercover cop.
" (CHUCKLES) I'm ATF.
Hmm.
Now, do you need me to spell that for you? Wow.
All right, that's the best alibi I've heard all day.
You win the coffee.
ATF.
Nobody's ever come in here and sat down and said that.
(SNIFFS) Ugh, man.
Precinct swill.
It's off-brand Maxwell House.
It's the cutbacks of 2016, right? And I think I believe him.
Because he smelled the coffee? He knew about the cutbacks of 2016.
There's always cutbacks.
Look, buddy, I've seen undercover.
I know undercover.
You are not undercover.
(KNOCKING ON GLASS) Be right back.
AVERY: I got a call.
He's ATF.
Oh, he's ATF.
But posing as a gang member.
What do they call that again? I just don't understand how I missed it.
- Undercover! - Well, undercover or not, stealing guns from our backyard, not cool.
The ATF's gonna hear from this guy.
Undercover's supposed to smell undercover.
My compass must be off.
- What's he babbling about? - Just don't.
Just no, don't-don't ask.
Oh, no.
Really? Rog, have you ever been undercover? Not just undercover.
Deep, deep undercover.
(SIGHS) It was two weeks.
Undercover as what? Randy Drexler, a journeyman used car salesman.
The youngest of six children.
Randy grew up poor in a cabin built by his grandpappy just outside of Reno.
Created a whole character bio.
For two weeks, we had to call him Randy.
Yeah, because I was Randy! A gifted salesman with questionable moral judgment.
You know, Randy took down an entire criminal enterprise.
It was a chop shop in El Monte.
And helped a certain unnamed actor win his second Academy Award.
Denzel went on a ride-along with Randy.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
But he didn't even thank Randy or I at the Oscars.
What's he doing? I don't know.
Hopefully a sequel to Glory.
Not Denzel.
Bowman, what are you doing? Ah, there you are.
I got that name for you.
- The one harassing Ruthie.
- He's still seeing Ruthie? Yeah.
I think it's purely sexual.
- Ugh.
- Uh, his name's Teddy Malkin.
He's a repo man.
(TOW TRUCK WHIRRING) Ted Malkin? Is this your car? Take it up with your bank, pal.
Two steps back or we're gonna have a problem.
Yeah, this is not my vehicle, Teddy, but we do have a problem.
See, you been hunting down Ruthie Krumholz.
I need you to lose her paperwork.
Ruthie Krumholz? You're talking to me about Ruthie Krumholz? I don't like the way you keep saying her name.
(SIGHS) Mom, where do you find these guys? What are you let me guess spoken word poet? What did you just say? Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to offend.
Twig furniture maker? Wait, Ruthie's your mother? She never mentioned she had kids.
Makes it easier to pretend she doesn't.
So, you called her this morning and you're the one that freaked her out.
What was it you said? My mother uses my mailing address.
Every collection agent, IRS auditor that tries to reach her finds me.
I called to tell her that the City of I.
A.
sent a bill for 1,800 parking tickets.
I asked if she needed money.
Money? I know.
I'm a real dick, right? How long you known my mom? Two or three weeks.
Two or three weeks? So you overheard a phone call and then took it upon yourself to trace the number, track me down, and confront me all because? I didn't want her to leave.
Wow.
Dude, if you're holding on to her that tight, I think I just met the one person more dysfunctional than she is.
Brooks Avery, the disappointment of Delta Tau.
Blum.
- You're still with the ATF? - (CHUCKLES) Try newly appointed special agent in charge of Los Angeles.
You didn't read about it in the class notes? The alumni newsletter? Yeah, no, no one reads that.
Where's Booker? I want my guy back.
I want my weapons back.
The weapons LAPD lost? The weapons ATF stole in some half-assed undercover operation.
(SIGHS) The ATF doesn't sanction covert robberies of the LAPD, okay? There was no undercover operation.
Your-your guy Booker said My guy is a lunatic.
He said he's been undercover, chasing some arms dealer.
Luther Strickland.
It was only supposed to last six months.
Then Strickland shoots Booker's partner.
Booker then goes off the deep end.
I can't control him.
And now it's like he's his own boss.
And since then, the job has been Yep.
Been there.
Please.
You have no idea what it's like trying to manage a certifiable maniac for years.
Trust me, I do.
I have a stress-induced hiatal hernia the size of a melon.
My chiropractor says this job is giving me the posture of a 16th-century serf.
I'm growing a hunch.
My guy's worse.
I'm gonna get a character witness.
Hey, Bowman! Send Murtaugh in here.
Can you hurry up, dude? I do have places to be.
It's possible that you have not torpedoed my entire operation yet.
There is no operation.
(SCOFFS) You want to help me, tell me where the guns are.
My God, man, are you really back to this? You just spoke to my handler, right? Yeah, we talked.
As a matter of fact, he's here now to take you in.
- (CHUCKLES) Please, Blum is - (DOOR OPENS) Come on, let's go.
(GRUNTS) Look, did he tell you that Strickland killed my partner? He did.
And I'm sorry.
I understand why you went off the rails.
Been there myself.
But it's over.
Your only play is to tell me where the guns are.
Looks like I got a couple of plays left.
BOOKER: Everybody stay back! Stay back! Oh, my good God.
Stay back! OFFICER: Put the weapon down! Booker! Move! - Booker.
- Everybody calm down! Roger, you okay? Fine.
Why do you ask? You be smart, Booker.
(DINGS) (ALARM BUZZES) You should think about what you're doing.
You know, if I thought about it, I probably wouldn't do it.
(CHUCKLES) Undercover life.
Every day's an adventure, am I right? Booker, stand down.
This is not gonna end well.
Surrender that weapon.
What the heck's going on? His lunatic took Murtaugh hostage in the elevator.
Who is that? My lunatic.
(ELEVATOR DINGS) (WHIRRING) Well, Booker, I know you're not gonna shoot a cop.
So what's your plan? I don't know.
What would you do? I don't know.
Me, I'd probably climb down, turn myself in.
Yeah, you know what, I don't think you would.
And I don't think I will either.
Riggs! Figure you got about 30 seconds to save your partner.
Well, look who decided to drop in.
Everything all right with Ruthie? Would you like to talk about this now, or I'd like to talk about this in the break room.
If you could just I don't have the key.
I got a key.
Watch your eyes.
(BOTH GRUNTING) Come on, Rog.
(SHOUTING) - (ELEVATOR CRASHES) - You know what? If Trish calls tonight, you might not want to mention this.
Yeah.
ROGER JR.
: Yo, Dad, this is the best macaroni and cheese ever.
Well, it's the breadcrumbs.
Your mother doesn't seem to like them.
But in this house, we are all - captains of our own ship.
- Captains of our own ship.
- Got it.
- Very well said, son.
Good, very good.
Here.
Take these.
- Why, aren't you the sweet one? - No.
You are.
You're giving them to mom when she gets home.
Why, pray tell, would I do that? 'Cause this has gone on long enough, Dad.
Okay, look what you're doing to RJ.
He's having two dinners every night.
Wh you've been eating with your mother, too? Don't drag me into this.
RIANA: Mm-hmm.
I'm only here for the free food.
- Judas.
- RIANA: Dad.
You left your bike in the middle of the driveway.
You're trying to provoke her.
No, I'm trying to set an example for my children.
There comes a time when a man must plant his flag.
And he must hold firm to that flag, consequences be damned.
(CAR CRASHES OUTSIDE) I think Mom just ran over your flag.
MURTAUGH: You murdered my bike.
You hit her on purpose.
Roger, it was dark, and you left it in the middle of the driveway.
Vehicles belong in the driveway.
That is why they're called "driveways.
" It was an innocent accident.
Oh, was it? Art of War, chapter 11.
"Destroy that which the enemy holds dear.
" Oh, so you think this is a war.
Who's winning, Roger? You know what? The joke is on you, because when I report you, and I will, your insurance rates are gonna go up.
I can afford it.
(ELEVATOR DINGS) Martin Ellis Riggs, what the hell is wrong with you? That's not my middle name.
You booted my RV.
No, you booted your RV by not paying those parking tickets.
You know, when the cop told me that a mustachioed detective ratted me out, I-I figured, sure, another one of Tom Selleck's pranks, but no, it was you.
Why? Vehicular truancy is a serious offense.
You had 1,800 parking tickets.
What am I supposed to do with that? How'd you find out about that? A concerned citizen.
- A concerned citizen? - A concerned citizen.
Who would even know that I? Oh, my God.
You You talked to my son? Okay.
How'd you find him? I would love to tell you that, but, technically, that would be a violation of the Fourth Amendment.
You had no right to do that.
- Look, I thought you were in trouble.
- Okay? So you tried to keep me here with a boot.
Look, I-I didn't know.
I thought you were in trouble, okay? You-you were scared when you came in from that phone call.
I'm not scared, Marty, you are.
Scared of what? That when I go, you'll be all alone.
- All right.
- And on those quiet nights, in that empty tin coffin, you won't have anybody or anything to keep you from falling off the wagon.
Or worse.
I'm not your crutch, Marty.
I wasn't put here to save you.
I never asked you to.
Good.
Because some people are beyond saving.
MAN (ON RECORDING): one the ancients called "The Fighter," is one who not only wins, but excels in winning with ease.
He who knows when he can fight, - and when he cannot - (PHONE RINGS) will be victorious.
Murtaugh, how's the stakeout? Did Blum's tip pay off? He who is prudent lies in wait.
For the love of God, when are you gonna be done with that book? I think Booker just led me to the truck from the gun buyback.
Any guns in that truck? No idea, but the truck's on the move.
- (ENGINE STARTS) - Any word from Riggs? No, not yet.
You know what they say.
- He who is pru - (BEEPS) (SNORING NEARBY) (SNORING CONTINUES) Yep.
That's Riggs in a drawer.
Did you not believe me? I thought you were trying to trick me down here for a birthday party.
Can you both please shut up? Did you sleep in here? This is a new low.
So many health code violations.
AVERY: This is for a college friend to settle a bet.
What are you do shut the drawer.
Murtaugh's looking for you.
He's following Booker.
He may have a lead on the guns.
Oh, that is not formaldehyde.
Riggs, are you drunk? Not at the moment.
Should I be worried? I mean It was on purpose, wasn't it? Excuse me? You hit Dad's motorcycle on purpose.
You aimed for it, maybe even sped up.
What? No.
I-I didn't see it.
I tried to stop.
Then where are the skid marks? (SCOFFS) Riana, I'm telling you No.
Let's go out into the driveway right now.
You can show me where the skid marks are from where you braked.
There are no skid marks.
- I didn't brake.
I hit it on purpose.
- Why? Because he knows he's not supposed to be riding that motorcycle.
He knows, and he won't listen to words, so Mom.
What are you guys doing? You guys? No, not "you guys.
" I'm not the one acting Listen, I have been very rational.
Oh, oh, besides the whole driveway thing.
You know what? He's the one digging in.
- You're both digging in.
- Your father started it.
Do you hear yourself right now? Listen, you don't understand.
When you're married, you will.
There are lines that are crossed, and you just, you got to dig in.
Fine, Mom.
Even if you're right, what happens if you guys dig in so far that you can't make it back? (SCOFFS) You getting ready to take those back to the LAPD, right? What are you doing here, man? You're gonna mess this up for me.
Just walk away.
I ain't going nowhere without you, baby.
Is there a problem, William? Nah.
Ain't no problem at all, Mr.
Strickland.
Yeah, just give us a second to sort this out.
All I'm saying is your Glock 19 will take your Glock 17 magazines, and not the other way around.
And I think that that should be reflected in the price.
STRICKLAND: William.
You didn't tell me you'd be bringing someone.
Who's this? Who am I? You want to know who I am.
Mr.
Strickland, who are you that you don't know me? I'm the broker, baby.
I'm the man.
I'm Randy Drexler.
Is that right? He's with you? Hell yeah.
It's Randy Drexler.
He's my broker.
I don't leave home without him.
(LAUGHS) Fair enough.
(MOUTHS) (GRUNTS) That's so next time you tell me when you're bringing someone.
Get your partner here inside, Randy Drexler.
Let's do some business.
All right, this is a bad idea.
You should wait for backup.
Avery, would you please take this guy to school? They don't wait for backup.
We don't know what Strickland has planned.
This could be an ambush.
Could be, but it's probably not.
Probably not? You're gonna let him risk his life on "probably not"? I don't "let him" do anything.
He just sort of does it.
Yeah.
Booker, too.
It's infuriating.
Sometimes I fantasize about getting hit by a bus.
Not enough to kill me, you know, just enough to put me in a coma.
Yeah.
For me, it's a train.
A train's interesting.
You-you know I can hear you both, right? What's your plan, Riggs? You can't just walk up and knock on the door.
Uh, you're right.
I'll ring the bell.
(DOORBELL BUZZES) - Oh.
He's gonna ring the bell.
- It's nicer.
Club's closed.
Oh, I'm not here for the party.
I have a meeting with Strickland.
I'm representing Carlo Gutierrez.
Carlo's dead.
Ah, well.
All the more reason he needs representation.
Who are you? Me? I'm, uh I'm Randy Drexler.
You're Randy Drexler? Yeah.
Named after my grandpappy who built the cabin I grew up in.
Really special man.
Randy Drexler.
Strickland's definitely gonna want to see you.
Ah, beautiful.
(MEN SPEAKING SOFTLY) Arms up.
Randy Drexler meet Randy Drexler.
Hey.
Small world.
Microscopic.
What are the odds? Two Randy Drexlers in the same club.
Like Drexler and Drexler.
This sounds kind of like a law firm or something.
- Funny.
Well, I'm in sales, so - MURTAUGH: Funny.
You don't look like a Randy Drexler.
Funny.
That's not what Denzel said.
I signed an NDA, so I shouldn't really talk about it, but he loosely based one of his characters on me.
Denzel played you in a movie? I've said too much already.
What do you think, William? You vouched for one Randy.
What about the other? I ain't never seen that dude before in my life.
STRICKLAND: Good.
Then you won't mind if we kill him.
Look, come on, man.
You ain't got to shoot this guy.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) I'm not gonna shoot anybody.
You know, I You-you get me wrong.
I don't care if there's one Randy Drexler or two or 12.
I just don't like cops.
- Who said anything about cops, baby? - I did.
Me.
That's who.
And I think you might be one.
Now, I'm more than happy to be proven wrong.
Go on, take it.
Shoot him.
Hey, look, this this wasn't part of the deal, man.
Oh, well, I could kill all three of you instead.
That's your call.
Or we could let him go and make him live in the shame of defeat.
Ooh, that would be cold-blooded.
You don't come back from that.
Mm-mm.
You shoot him.
Or he shoots you.
Come on, Randy.
You don't have much of a choice.
It's all right.
Shoot me.
You want me to shoot you? Yeah.
I want you to shoot me.
- Just-just shoot me.
- This is Randy, it's okay.
Some people they're beyond saving.
Let's go.
It's now or never.
Let's go, Randy! Shoot! On three.
Three - two - Shoot, Randy! - Shoot! - Do it! - (GUN CLICKS) What? (LAUGHS) You thought we'd give you a loaded gun? But you did good, Randy.
You did real good.
Now take him out back and do it right.
You shot at me! You told me to shoot you! You were supposed to shoot over me.
- Or shoot the bad guy, something! - How was I supposed to know that? Listen, I was very clear with my signal! MURTAUGH: You suck at charades.
Besides, I knew it wasn't loaded 'cause I could feel the weight of the gun.
Lies.
How? What-what lies? A bullet weighs ten grams.
I'm an industry professional.
I know my tools.
(GUNFIRE CONTINUES) (GRUNTS) Hey, speaking of tools, mine's empty.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Hey, Randy? Yeah? Been nice working with you.
You, too, Randy.
- (DOOR OPENS) - LAPD! Hands in the air! - On your knees! - Hands in the air! Put your weapons down now! Stay on the ground! Hey, Cap.
What took you guys so long? You're right.
Train's faster.
You're serious? Rog, I am just dying to see this magical skill of yours.
So you choose the weapon that's unloaded, and I'll shoot myself in the foot.
I don't want to.
- Because you can't.
Admit it.
- I can.
- You got lucky.
- Uh, hey.
- How's your shoulder? - (CLEARS THROAT) - It's about as good as this coffee.
- Mm.
(CHUCKLES) Hey, listen, man, I need to apologize for the other day.
- The elevator.
- Hey, forget it.
Undercover life, right? Every day's an adventure.
Yeah, well, you saved my ass, Randy Drexler.
- You're welcome.
- You're welcome.
What? This gun.
That's the one.
- Oh, is this it? - Yep.
You know, it doesn't feel like it.
Yeah, trust me.
All right, I'm gonna shoot.
- One, two, three! - Ah! You're right.
- Your lunatic's worse.
- Thank you.
Let's go.
What was that? Rog has a special skill.
He can determine if a weapon is loaded or not simply by putting it in his hands.
Yeah, my hands are like scales.
Really? Can they also deliver wine, flowers and a romantic apology weekend for your wife? I don't need an apology weekend.
Oh, you and Trish made up? Even better.
She screwed up.
(LAUGHS) She ran my motorcycle over on purpose, but now she feels really bad.
She's called me twice already.
Solved like adults.
What did she say? I didn't even pick up the phone.
- (RIGGS AND AVERY GROAN) - I'm milking it.
For the first time, I have the upper hand in the relationship.
(SIGHS) You don't have the you've got pocket threes, Rog.
- At best.
You should fold.
- Yeah.
- You should fold.
Fold.
- It's like Sun Tzu says.
If you What he said.
(SEABIRDS SQUAWKING) (EXHALES) I see you took care of your boot problem.
Well, a couple of shotgun shells will pretty much take care of anything.
Let me guess.
Charles Bronson taught you that? Ricardo Montalbán's stableboy.
(CLICKS TONGUE) So, uh what are you still doing hanging around? Well, you know, wanted to say good-bye.
And, uh you know, something maybe in the apology arena.
("THE WEIGHT" BY THE BAND PLAYING) Uh you didn't come home last night.
Thinking I was maybe a little too harsh.
I pulled into Nazareth Was feeling about half past dead Not the worst thing in the world to have someone look out for you, is it? Maybe you could change your mind.
Stick around for a little while.
Wish I could.
(SIGHS) I'm not built to stick around.
Not like you.
I never did figure out how to put down roots.
Roots? Lady, my house has wheels on it, too.
Wheel.
One wheel.
Yeah, the left one had some life in it, so I took it in case I need a spare.
The point is, Marty Take a load off, Fanny don't be so afraid.
Uh, what-what am I afraid? To put roots down? Is that it? I think you're afraid 'cause you already have.
You put the load right on me I'm out of wisdom.
That's Don't have anything else for you.
Oh! And this.
Then I saw Carmen and the devil Walking side by side What am I supposed to do with this? I said, "Hey, Carmen" Find someone to play with.
Take a load off, Fanny See you, Marty.
Take a load for free Take a load off, Fanny (ENGINE STARTS) And, and, and You put the load right on me Take a load off, Fanny Take a load for free Take a load off, Fanny And, and, and You put the load right on me.
Hey.
Where is everybody? Hey.
Um, they're out.
Uh, I was thinking we could have dinner and talk.
- Mmm.
- Baby we're a team.
And I was thinking About running over my motorcycle.
Don't even worry about it.
You're forgiven.
- I'm forgiven? - Mm-hmm.
I did park haphazardly - in the middle of the driveway.
- That's true.
Mm-hmm.
And it was dark out, - so you probably didn't see it.
- It was dark.
And probably for the first time in the history of automatic lights, yours automatically didn't come on, - 'cause sometimes - Roger, Roger.
I'm sorry that I ran over your motorcycle.
And I'm sorry that I said that I'm over it, and I really wasn't over it.
And I'm still not over it, but I'm getting over it.
And it's done.
- (LAUGHS) - Done.
- You sure? - Mm-hmm.
Good.
Fresh start? Yeah.
- Hmm? - Oh, baby.
(LAUGHS) What's going on? - Um, your father and I - No, outside.
We got a new car? What? No.
No, no, no, no.
- We didn't get a new car.
- Well, actually, we kind of did, you know? (CHUCKLES) I bought it from a friend.
It was a what do you call it a impulse purchase.
(SNAPPING FINGERS) - Got kind of crazy.
- (ALL LAUGH) Okay, so, your father made a mistake, but we are adults, and we will discuss "Mistake"? I don't think it was a mistake.
Hmm.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Come in.
(WAVES CRASHING OUTSIDE) I, uh, may have overplayed my hand.
Hmm.
Hmm.
All right, come in.
Sit down.
Take a load off, Fanny The game is mah-jongg.
Ten-dollar game.
- Ready? - Mah-jongg? What? This is like What do you want to play, shuffleboard after that? Maybe some horseshoes? RIGGS: You want to sleep out in the sand? - MURTAUGH: Okay.
- RIGGS: Yeah.
You put the load right on me.