Metalocalypse (2006) s02e16 Episode Script

They were the kings of an era.
We've already seen where they were after.
we didn't know where they were, but where are they now now? Just when everyone thought.
Snakes n' Barrels were done for good, they reunited.
But tragedy would intervene.
Until now now.
Snakes n' Barrels is back again! and dynamic new front man Rikki Kixx are back to kick your ass into sobriety! I met these guys at their absolute worst.
and pulled them out of the dark and got them clean.
at my Rikki Kixx "Kikkin' It" rehab center.
And we just hit it off, and the next thing I knew I was their new singer.
It was magical.
Rikki Kixx has taken in many ex-rockers.
and helped them get off drugs and alcohol.
The key to getting sober and living clean.
is identifying the problem.
And that problem was Pickles.
And this month, for the first time ever the new energized and sober Snakes n' Barrels will headline.
the Rikki Kixx "Sobertown U.
S.
A.
No Drugs.
Allowed Sober Rock 'n' Roll Show," hosted by Leonard Rockstein formerly known as Dr.
Rockzo, the rock 'n' roll clown.
All proceeds to go.
to the Rikki Kixx "Kikkin' It" rehab center.
We're bringing sober back, and we're taking names! Sober is the future of rock 'n' roll! # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! # # I'm Ticking for The # # Dethklok, Dethklok # # Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree # # Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee # # William Murderface Murderface Murderface # # Pickles the drummer doodily doo ding dong doodily # How did this happen? That's my ing band out there, and they're sober? Well, Pickles, I hate to tell you but you don't actually own the name Snakes n' Barrels.
Why not? How did you let that happen? Well, the band existed before you got there and I didn't represent you then.
I can assure you it wouldn't have happened had I They're sober! Could you please stop breaking my good lamps? Break those.
They're from IKEA.
What, these ones? Uh, yeah.
You really got a lot of lamps in here.
Well, lighting is important.
It creates a nice atmos Aah! The whole thing that gets me is that they got a new singer.
Who the is that dildo? He's like a cheap crappy knockoff, you know? And he changed them.
It's like those guys are brainwashed! If I could just talk to them Well, you can't, Pickles.
You see, they have a restraining order against you.
A restraining order? ing sneaky sober sucker! Can we get some more lamps in here, please? The cheap ones.
Thank you.
Hey, who ams breakings all this lamps? I want to break some! They're bringing in more.
- Wowee! - Toki, they're bringing in more.
Hey! Hey, all this Snakes n' Barrels got me thinking that.
I got some legal questions about my side band you know, Planet Piss.
Do you think it can wait? We're in a meeting here.
What are you meeting about, lamps? I get it, I get it.
Don't worry about Murderface.
It doesn't matter.
No, I don't have a problem.
Just look right past me.
All right, all right, what do you want? I just want to talk about the future of.
Planet Piss, you know? So I don't wake up someday with Planet Piss.
being fronted by some other asshole.
- Okay, okay.
- Then I'm ed you know.
That's my band! Register the name, okay? Yeah, yeah.
I know that stuff.
No.
Have you registered the name Planet Piss? - Yeah.
- You have? Yeah.
I will.
- Okay, then? - Okay.
Now if you don't mind, I'm talking with Hey, don't blow me off! I got stuff to say! Alright, what do you got? Uhhhhhhhhhhh I don't know.
I want T-shirts.
- What? - I want to make some T-shirts.
You want to make Planet Piss T-shirts? Yeah, Planet Piss T-shirts.
T- shirts are a big seller.
- It's merch! - I hear you.
I'm going to get back to this now.
We'll get that done.
Later.
- Okay? Alright? - Okay.
Better get it done.
Yes, I agree.
Get it done.
Okay, why don't you get back to this then? We'll get that done later.
Thanks.
Yes, all right.
We'll do that.
You're welcome.
Help out Pickles.
- Yes.
- You're welcome.
- Get this stuff done later.
- Okay.
You concentrate on the first thing do that now, get my stuff later.
I'll take a back seat.
Thank you.
That's very expansive of you.
Well, you know, team player, team player.
All right, I'll get back to this now.
But we will meet later about those T-shirts.
Yes, we will.
Yeah, a lot of other issues, too, but you just, yeah.
- Get in there.
- Okay.
We done? Yeah.
Till later.
Yes, till later.
- Right.
- Your lamps, sir.
Over here.
Sorry.
Give me one.
Oh, me too! Now takes that, you stupid lamps! Uh, excuse mes.
We's has been talkings, and We want to know who owns the name "Dethklok.
" Guys, I'm in a meeting right now, if you don't mind.
What are you meeting about, lamps? Well, partially, but can you just hang on? How comes we ain'ts inviteds.
to the lamps meetings, huh? See! This always happens.
We gets excludeds.
It's not really a lamp meeting, Skwisgaar and if it were, I'd invite you.
See, that's all I wants to knows.
Hey, who owns the name "Dethklok"? Guys, you should know this one.
It's very easy.
Um Yous? Yous owns it? You guys do.
The five of you own the name of your band.
Oh, that's goods.
Oh, thank god! When were you gonna tell us that? You know what? this all right? I'm ing pissed off! ing sober holes and the restraining order! I got to talk to those guys! Pickles, I'd advise against it.
Don't go over there.
that.
I'm going! Where are they now? Yous means the TV shows? No, no, no.
Snakes n' Barrels.
Where are they now? Where are they now? Oh, "Where Are They Now Now"? Right? - Yeah.
- That's in the other room.
- That's a TV show.
- Yeah, "Where Are They Nows Now.
" Theys ons the TV.
No, where are the band Snakes n' Barrels now? Where do they film "Where Are They Now Now"? Pickles, I try not to watch a lot of TV so I don't really know how to help you.
No, I want to know where they actually are right now.
Stop! Stop! Stop.
They're in L.
A.
Gentlemen, Snakes n' Barrels is reuniting.
again, again, without Pickles.
Some time ago, we attempted to control Pickles and.
Snakes n' Barrels with a top-secret experimental drug.
called Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake.
Pickles' tolerance to the drug rendered our plan useless.
It was a total fiasco.
Here to explain more is Dr.
Amomolith Chesterfield.
My drug, Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake worked on the rest of Snakes n' Barrels.
and left them blank slates ready to be reprogrammed.
Unfortunately, the first person they encountered was Rikki Kixx.
And he used his sober influence.
to cut himself in on the rights to Snakes n' Barrels.
My drug is still alive in the systems.
of the now-sober members of Snakes n' Barrels.
I, however, have a grave warning.
There is a long-term side effect a terrible and destructive side effect.
With enough stimulus the drug living in their fat cells will ignite.
Spontaneous human combustion.
Not quite.
Blue phosphorous snakes will shoot forth.
from the orifices of the users and they will go mad with rage.
All of their orifices? I'm afraid so.
What kind of stimulus can cause this? Bright lights, loud sounds, pyrotechnics.
This Rikki Kixx "Sobertown U.
S.
A.
No Drugs Allowed Sober Rock 'n' Roll Show," hosted by Leonard Rockstein could be a disaster.
Let's hope that I'm wrong, gentlemen.
Let's hope that I am wrong.
I have clarity now, and that's an amazing thing I tell you.
And the key to getting clean is killing.
that part of you that was hurting you.
You got to kill that part of yourself.
And for me, it was that clown.
That ing, damn ing clown.
The clown had to go down.
Leonard Rockstein didn't like to do drugs.
Leonard Rockstein's a nice guy with aspirations.
Leonard Rockstein's going to Devry learning how to be an I.
T.
Tech getting his together.
Not the clown.
T- t-the clown loved cocaine.
T- t-the clown loved stealing and hurtin' his friends.
The clown did it all.
But I wrestled that clown.
I wrestled that clown and broke his ing face! And I said, "clown, get out! Get out, clown! Get out!" Anyway, I've been sober for about two months, give or take.
Thank you! Yes! Clap for him! Clap for him, my children of sobriety! Show him your love! Now, as you know, the concert is coming up tomorrow and you will be tempted by drugs and alcohol! But we must be strong, children.
We are powerful, and we have the power.
to make rock 'n' roll sober forever! Now let's pass that ing basket around.
TOKl: Oh, theres.
Nows I'ms the owners of the Planets Piss domain.
Yeah, that's prettys goods.
You ams the owners of all the Planets Piss out there.
Yeah and dot ENG and dot U.
K.
Dots everythings! I owns it all! I loves it! Heys, I gots a really goods ideas! Does anybodies of yous knows anythings about webs designs? I just installeds a ripped versions of the Dreamweavers.
This is gonna be good.
Master, I have the numbers for.
the sobriety concert ticket presales.
Oh, yes? Well, don't just stand there! Tell me, you ing twit! The concert has sold out.
This deserves a toast! Get me a bottle of the, uh no! M- master? Oh, god damn it! Damn you, sobriety, you horrid ing monster! What are you saying? What am I saying? Don't you ing get it? Sobriety is a constant hell.
Don't you think I'd be drinking if I could? But I can't! You know why I can't? Because my ing liver is shot.
I can't because the ing cops make me.
do periodical drug tests! I can't because I'm the ing spokesperson.
for a ing rehab center! I'm ing ed.
But then why are you helping people kick drugs and alcohol? Why? You want to know why? Because if I have to be sober then I'll make everybody sober and they'll have to live in the hell on Earth that I do.
No! It's not true.
Yes! So now you know.
Now you ing know! And you'll do well to keep your filthy mouth shut about it.
Keep your mouth shut, or we'll lose everything.
Of course, master.
Of course.
You can trust me.
I- I won't tell anyone.
That's right.
You won't.
Die, you piece of.
That's right.
You won't.
My lords, we are in L.
A.
Wowee! Whats is L.
A.
? It's the home of rock.
Come on, I'll show you! This place used to be Dr.
Thong's.
Honey Pit, right here.
This place was packed with cream-of-the-crop scumbag rock royalty shooting ing dope and getting lap dances.
But, Pickles the guys in glam rock seem like long-haired pussies.
with makeup on and tight pants, you know? And I'm not saying they weren't, Murderface but even the super-poser glam rock pussies.
understood the rock 'n' roll fundamentals.
of drugs and alcohol.
Oh, yeah, thems am some pretty hot skanks.
I'd likes to takes a crack at.
You know it! TOKl: Oh, who's thats guy? That's Timmy Razzle of the band Razzle Sticks.
What, so he's gonna have a gang bang.
and stuff, and he can't get it up? Well, kind of.
He's dead.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, he O.
D.
'ed.
I don't know.
Whatever.
Look, there's Andy Smacks.
Okay, this is a classic drug story.
You know, you think you're doing coke? You're not.
You're doing angel dust.
angel dust.
Anyway, he shot some cops, challenged.
a professional prize fighter to a bareknuckle match and won! And still had the energy to burn.
I don't know.
And then wait, wait, wait, wait, wait Check this out.
Look.
And there he goes off the Capitol Records building.
Whoo! TOKl: Wowee! Whats a ways to go! Splats! Oh, no, Toki.
He lived.
TOKl: Oh, that's brutal! That's awesome! Okay, here's the dumpster.
where Suzzie Fat Tits and the Razor Clan.
used to live and practice.
Man, they threw some good parties.
Wow! Four hot sluts living in garbage? That sounds pretty goods.
Called "being professional.
" This is where I saw Frankie Switchblade, of the band.
Super Destroyer Machine, blowing a guy.
Right there.
Oh! No way! Oh, my god.
That guy was me.
Oh, Pickles.
Naw, I'm just kidding! But you guys get my point about the whole rock 'n' roll thing, right? Hollywood.
ing bull.
L.
A.
TOKl: This is one ed up town.
I would kill myself if I lived here.
TOKl: I wonder if absolutely everyones heres is stupids.
Every single resident! Yeah, and every TV network out here.
is a piece of right, guys? - Got that right.
- That's right.
And more importantly if you didn't contract an STD or O.
D.
In the city, then you didn't exist! Think about it, all of you.
I'm thinking about it.
Drugs and alcohol are slowly being phased out.
of the music we love and we're in a ed up state of the world.
if our biggest lunatic drug idol is fucking Peter O'Toole! me under the table.
That guy could party.
I need all your guys help to get in the show tonight.
We have a responsibility a ing responsibility to change this.
What's wrongs with beings sobers? Sobers peoples are peoples, too! I will gos with you to the shows and enjoys myselfs but I won'ts help! Toki! You klutz! I got soda on my shorts! What? You get soda on your shorts? yeah! Look at it! Looks like you takes a leaks on yourselves.
I ing wish it was piss, but it's ing soda.
That's sticky! Guys, we got to go.
The concert's the only place I can talk to Snakes n' Barrels.
Let's go! I got to go back to the bus and change my shorts! Thanks a lot, Toki! Well, fine.
We'll see you there! Hey, get this guy outta here! Look, he tried to bring in a bag of drugs coke, heroin, a cherry pie with pot in it.
Get the hell out of here, you piece of.
I'll take this and destroy it later on.
Please welcome your host! You know him as Dr.
Rockzo, the rock 'n' roll clown but now he's clean and sober! Ladies and gentlemen Leonard Rockstein! And thank you! Oh, wow.
It is great to be here, and it's great to be sober! With sobriety, we are strong! You know what? Let's just take over rock 'n' roll with sobriety! Let's do that.
Let's just do that.
TOKl: Oh, good jobs, Rockzos! Sees? Sobers is cools! Wow! Wow! You guys really know how to rock sober style! Wow! Huh, this is actually my first time being on stage sober.
Yoo-hoo! I ka ka ka ka see you, b-baby! I do cocaine.
I really do cocaine.
It's, uh Really good to be back on the On you want to do this sweet cocaine, baby? Uh Uh you want it, baby.
Come on.
You know you want it, don't you? Get out of here! Get out of here, man! I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Ohhhhh! Okay, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Just get out.
I mean, I'm here.
I'm sober.
Oh.
Get out of here, man! Ohh! Out! Oh, no! Ohh! Hey, what the hell is going on? Introduce the opening band! Oh, right, right.
Welcome welcome your opening band Manhattan Sidewinder.
I- I'm okay.
I'm okay.
- Wow, this ing blows.
- Yeah.
You thinking what I'm thinking? Gets wasteds beyonds belief? yeah, mama.
Toki, you want anything? Nos, I'ms observing sobrietys todays.
Your loss.
There ams the bars right over theres.
Come ons.
Manhattan Sidewinder! Hey, buddy, nobody gets by without a backstage pass.
Oh, you want $10,000? Go on through.
Guys, wait! Hey, it's Pickles! Hey, man, what's up? What's up? You guys restarted the ing band without me! What the is that all about? Rikki Kixx? We got sober, and Rikki kind of approached us and, well I mean, it just kind of happened.
Whoooooooooooooooooooo! It's great man.
It's awesome.
You know, not doing any drugs, being sober.
Saving money.
So amazing.
It's like a whole new level.
My hat fits a lot better now.
Not drinking, having fun.
Just it's great.
Dude, Tony, we've been ing friends forever.
How could you do this to me? How could you do this? Just tries to relax, sir.
Do you know who this is? Yeah, I knows.
You don't know! This is Manhattan Sidewinder! Yes, I gathereds thats.
Just tries to keeps in your own space, please.
Thanks.
You can't go out there.
with that dumb ing jackoff.
He just wants money.
He doesn't care.
He doesn't care not like how I do about you! I believe that I do.
I do care.
Get that piece of Out of here.
No! You may be sober, but you're still a stupid ugly, dildo idiot scumbag! Get off me! Didn't I just give you $10,000? No! What do you want, like a shot or whatever? Yeah, whatevers will gets us drunks the fastest.
You! Hey, you, right there vodka, two doubles Gives to us the bottles.
'cause we got lots of cash.
Fellas, it doesn't actually work that way, man.
But I'll tell you what.
You guys like shots? Uh, yeah, sure, fine.
How about this, guys? How about a totally cool shot of ice-cold mountain water.
chilled with cucumber slices? Or maybe you're feeling sassy.
How about some of this sparkling cherry-applesauce drink? How about you, Tonto? You look like you have a taste for things south of the border.
You like margaritas? Uh-huh.
I think that's a yes! If you love margaritas, why not try some lemonade? This is bull Don't with us.
You got alcohol? We have something better.
What would that be? An apple god's alcohol.
Hey, can you come here really quickly? Both of you, come here.
I just want to tell you something.
- I'm right here.
- What's going on? - I just want to tell you something.
- Closer? Yeah, a little bit, little bit closer.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! Don't you ever with me and alcohol.
You got it? Toki.
Now my shorts smell like soda.
I should bill him.
What a stupid klutz.
Guess I'll get out of here.
Oh.
Oh, well, maybe I'll check my myspace.
You should really register Planet Piss.
Yeah, right.
It won't take long.
I should.
What? All the Planet Piss domain names are taken? God, no! Who did this? Toki, I'll kill you! Hey, hey, hey! Whoo-hoo! Hey! Whoo! Whoo! Toki, I'll kill you, Motherer.
I smell that sweet stuff.
I smell that sweet stuff, baby.
Yeah, baby, I took it all.
Oh, baby.
Oh, that's it! That's it, you motheer.
I'm kicking your ass, you loud, stupid asshole.
That's right! I'll kill you! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Oh, god.
Get some.
Go get some.
Oh, baby, you gonna get me back.
Yeah! Aah! Stay here.
What the hell is going on? You're gonna get your ing ass kicked, you sober douche! Motherer.
Oh, god! Aah! Aah! Aah! There you are, you scumbag! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! Toki, don't! And whats the do you want, motherer.
What's up, bro? What's happening, huh? I'm b-b-b-b-back, baby! The name's Dr.
Rockzo, the rock-'n'- roll clown.
And I do cocaine! Cocaine Cocaine.