Speechless (2016) s02e16 Episode Script

1 What is the point of paying premiums if you fail to reimburse us every month? No! I've already held twice.
You bloody hold! Let's see how that turns out, shall we? Jimmy, did you remember to pick up Dylan's running shoes - and go to the pharmacy? - I did remember.
Great, thanks.
I did not actually do it, but you're welcome.
[SIGHS.]
I'll do it.
Oh, no.
Mom, I think you got jury duty.
That sucks, honey.
Trapped in that room for hours with nothing to do.
Maya? Maya? [SOFT MUSIC PLAYS.]
I thought that all my life would be Fighting insurance companies But suddenly, I begin to see Court-ordered time off for me [BEEP!.]
'Cause I've got a golden ticket [SNIFFS.]
A special-needs mum's excuse to do jack squat [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS.]
Can't pick up groceries, mop the floor I'll say "too bad" in response to your - Good morning - [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
- I need Wednesday off - Too bad.
A calendar with a color for Three children, some days, it's more like four Good morning, hon [COUGHS.]
I have a bad cough I can't wipe this o-o-off I never thought I'd get caught up On all the dumb magazines I've missed With a coffee machine without a cup - Please, a female assist - Hold it.
'Cause I've got a golden ticket I've got a civic duty to fulfill You said "doody.
" You're not here! - Good morning.
- JURORS: Good morning - Group number two.
- Group number two - Good morning! - Whoa.
- I hope I get you - [GRUNTS.]
- God, what did you do-o? - God, what did you do-o? I never thought I'd see a day A hit-and-run case would make me laugh I'm getting paid 15 bucks a day And lunch is an hour and a half?! But I've got a golden ticket She's got a golden ticket I've got a guilt-free reason to shut down And not for the nearby court It's the one down tow-ow-ow-ow-n - Yeah! Whoo! - Yeah! Whoo! Maya.
Maya? [GROANS.]
I guess I got to do it.
[SIGHS.]
Guys, I have an announcement.
I've realized that, for a long time, I've been so focused on Taylor, I've neglected the very thing that matters the most to me.
Over-application of Axe body spray? "Farting in your sleep"? Making pronouncements about yourself that open you up to ridicule? - Family! - Oh, family.
So, I decided to focus my attention on you lovely people.
Have you given up on Taylor? Yeah, I saw a glimmer of hope, but I think she's finally realized she's out of my league.
Mom, be honest with me.
Taylor's out of my league, isn't she? Oh, no! Of all the days for me to have jury duty.
Let me see if I can postpone it.
Oh, no.
I can't.
[VOCALIZING HAPPILY.]
[SIGHS.]
So, what do you say, Dad? Want to take your son on one of those driving lessons we've been talking about? Ohh, Dylan and I have plans.
We're picking up some stuff for JJ's man cave.
Maybe when I get back? I can come with.
Dylan won't mind.
Wow.
You have been gone a long time.
KENNETH CELLPHONE: Chillin' now Oh, come on, come on Ahh Ahh It's It's my mom.
"That's his " D-A "dating app.
Someone matched with him.
" Ooh! Let's see this lucky lady.
- Run! - Give me that! Save yourself! All right, let's see.
Uh Huh! Four pictures of you in a van.
You're living in that thing.
Next.
"I thought she was pretty.
" If you like her, get your own profile.
"Should I?" That's a big step.
I-I'd have to talk it over with your mother.
"I wasn't asking permission.
I'm 18.
" Huh! That is so much easier.
Best of luck.
Let me know when you take a wife.
Vacation beverage? Check.
New book that's actually six years old.
"Soon to be a major motion picture.
" Gosh, I wonder how that turned out.
Please look at your juror badge.
If your number starts with 1, 5, or 9, you are excused.
You can go home now.
If I didn't call your number, you must stay here through the end of the day.
- Yes! - MELANIE: Yes! Melanie Hertzal.
Objection! This woman is my enemy.
Please have her removed.
Sustained? You can't do that.
You're not a judge.
She's so rude.
If you want to throw the book at her, I have "Gone Girl.
" Oh, Dad.
You're back.
I thought we were gonna go on a ride.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
Let us just finish this point.
When did you get so good at Ping-Pong? I guess when you were off with Taylor.
You have time for stuff like this when you're not in a relationship.
- You're married to Mom.
- I remembered that.
Okay, Dad, just get me whenever this point ends.
But, Daddy, we're in the middle of a game.
She said "Daddy," Ray.
- What about me? - Come on, don't be like that.
This isn't gonna take that long.
Yeah.
We're not very good.
[MONOTONE.]
Ray, stop.
Come back.
"Film director, chocolate lover, rocks a wheelchair, nonverbal badass.
" Yeah, man.
That's you! [CHUCKLES.]
Nice pictures, except let's get one without the shirt.
Good.
That was a test, and you passed.
Never strip for an online picture.
I know I never have.
[CHUCKLES.]
My mama raised me right.
No dummy.
Don't search for it.
It's It's not there.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Okay, so, are we posting this? [COMPUTER BEEPS.]
[CHUCKLING.]
All right.
Hello, ladies! We're live.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
[CHUCES.]
I forgot to tell you, this part sucks.
Do any of you, for any reason, feel unable to be an impartial juror in this case? Your Honor, I'm afraid I have to answer yes for her.
She lied her way into a slot at a school that would've been perfect for my son.
Her daughter also broke my other son's heart.
Those are false accusations.
Please dismiss the stupid juror with the ugly earrings.
What does any of this have to do with my vandalism trial? Your Honor, I believe your hallowed courtroom is no place for a garbage human like her.
Get rid of her and keep me.
I will give you such a good verdict.
Keep me, and my verdict will blow your mind.
- Are you even a U.
S.
citizen? - I think so! Let's not openly campaign against other jurors.
[WHISPERING.]
You're not the only slacking-off special-needs mom here.
You will not ruin this! [WHISPERING.]
You're ruining this for me! I came here to get away from my home drama.
You are my home drama! Go away and let me read "Gone Girl" in peace.
Oh, she isn't dead, and they end up together.
[GASPS.]
You are Satan's hemorrhoid! - Dismiss her! - Dismiss her! You're both staying! Five bucks says they're special-needs moms.
[BANGS GAVEL.]
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
- Dad stealer! - [CHUCKLING.]
What? He and I had a good thing going, but I took my eye off the ball, and you swooped in.
Whatever you say, Tiny Sweatshirt.
I wore this for school photos a couple years ago, and Dad said it looked this is a direct quote "nice.
" Well, now it looks And this is a direct quote "desperate.
" This isn't over.
Oh, yes.
There's stuff I can do with Dad that you can't Guy stuff.
That's right.
I'm not afraid to use my masculine wiles.
Oh, hey, Dylan.
That's a nice color on you.
Ray, you left something in here.
Bye-bye! JUDGE: I rule that the defendant's confession is, in fact, admissible.
We'll take a brief recess.
A confession and these pictures? This'll be done soon.
Damn it! My vacation is ending before it even began.
What if it doesn't have to? What if a certain juror or two can't decide? Are you suggesting a truce? I'm not suggesting we become friends, but if we keep our family issues out of this, we can focus on the task at hand Keeping this case going as long as possible.
I'm not giving up my golden ticket.
Did you sing that song, too? Yep.
Okay, buddy.
We got some bites.
I'll be over there.
Now, if it's going well, I'll hang back.
If you need a rescue, knock over your drink, - and I'll come swooping in.
- I'm sorry, did you just tell him to knock over his drink? No.
Yeah.
I loved your profile.
You actually look a lot like my ex-boyfriend.
See? And my one before that.
And the one before that.
- [DRINK CLATTERS, SPILLS.]
- Oh! This could not have come at a better time.
I'm applying to colleges right now, and they are going to love that my boyfriend's disabled.
I saw your profile, and I knew that I could heal you.
Hold these crystals.
Just don't hold them together.
They're really powerful.
[GROANS.]
[DRINK CLATTERS, SPILLS.]
Could you do that before? 10 guilty, 2 not guilty.
I'm sorry.
How does anyone think that he didn't do it? The man deserves his day in court.
That's what we just did.
I don't think he did it.
- He seems like a really nice guy to me.
- He confessed.
And you're just going to take the word of a vandal? So, you do think he did it.
Let's vote again.
Guilty? It's pretty clear we're gonna be here awhile.
Yeah, justice will be served, and I, for one, am willing to stay here as long as it takes.
Lunch.
90 minutes.
Ooh! Is the new "Fifty Shades" movie 90 minutes long? Well, the first 90 minutes of it is.
[WATER RUNNING.]
Oh.
- [WATER STOPS.]
- Oh, welcome, Dad.
- Everything okay? - I don't know.
"Dad, meet me in the bathroom for some long-overdue man-on-man time.
Loose-fitting attire recommended," is not the sort of text I get every day.
Which is exactly the problem.
When was the last time we had a good, old-fashion shvitz? Maybe we should invite Dylan.
Oh, wait.
We can't because it's a man bath.
Don't you take your shirt off for a steam? Oh, no.
I'm not comfortable with my own nudity, but I am very comfortable with yours.
That's what this is all about.
Oh, God, this is nice, huh? [WATER SPLASHES.]
Aah, aah, aah! - Buddy! - Aah, aah! [GROANING.]
Okay, this is maybe 70 degrees, tops.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
Dude, don't be bummed.
You got all of your bad dates out of the way in one day.
[SIGHS.]
"I wanted the girls to be okay with the chair, but they were there because of it.
They seemed nice" O-N "online.
" Yeah, it happens.
Some people don't represent themselves - the way they really are.
- Is this you? Yes, that's me! I took that picture last year.
[LAUGHS.]
Like, took it out of a box of really old pictures? Do you mind? People will see there's more to you than this chair.
So, does this say "single" because "divorced twice" wasn't an option? I love to love, Dylan! No regrets! [DOOR CREAKS OPEN.]
Oh, there's my juror.
How's it going? Jimmy, have you ever held someone's life in your hands? It's sobering.
You smell like popcorn.
I cannot discuss the trial, not even the smell.
But guess who's on my jury? Melanie Hertzal.
Taylor's mom? Oh, that's great.
Maybe you could ask her to put in a good word for Ray with Taylor.
He's acting really odd, and I think it's about Taylor.
I hope it's about Taylor.
If not, we're in for a really weird, steamy few years.
Yeah, but it's really not why I'm there.
So, you won't use your time with Melanie to help him? That's That's not like you.
I'm not me! I'm juror number eight! I don't have to think about Ray.
I don't have to think about any of you! - It's my time.
- Uh, sorry.
Do you like jury duty? I love it! I've tasted what it's like to be one of those people that stares at their phone all day.
It's numb and it's foggy, and I'm not going back.
[COMPUTER CHIMES.]
[WHOOSH.]
[COMPUTER BEEPS.]
The timeline doesn't work.
He's seen at the bar, then, somehow, he's magically breaking a window across the street an hour later.
I mean Let's take a short break.
Or a long one.
Yeah, don't label the break.
Let the break be what it wants to be.
Should we go out for our break? Oh, we've been going out so much.
Let's just stay in and be cozy.
I brought Scrabble! - Okay.
I love us.
- Me too.
I'm so glad we're over all that Taylor/Ray nonsense.
Yeah, um do you know, about that, would you be open to putting in the tiniest good word with Taylor for Ray? 'Cause he's so sweet, and he's really hurting.
[SIGHS.]
Don't.
Please, can we keep this going just a few more days? My son has a piano recital on Thursday.
He's so bad.
Do you not think Ray's good enough for Taylor? Don't make me say it.
Taylor's kind of, you know, out of his league.
[GASPS.]
Objection! Sustained! Overruled! Oh! Truce over! Maya! I could've spelled "zebra"! [LAUGHS.]
Talking to a girl? [LAUGHS.]
"Her name is" L-A-U "Lauren.
We have a " D "a date tomorrow!" Nice! Let's see.
Oh! She's got bangs.
That means she's smart.
Okay.
Wait.
Did you put up new pictures? Where's your chair? "I took that stuff out.
They only saw my disabilities.
" Okay, but you can't lie.
"You use a 30-year-old picture.
" It's four years old! It Me using an old picture isn't as big as, um [SIGHS.]
"You said there's more to me.
" Yes, but it may take someone special to see it.
"'Special' like an act of" C-H "charity?" That's not what I meant.
[DRINK CLATTERS, SPILLS.]
My boba! The balls are everywhere.
You think Taylor is too good for Ray.
I will prove you wrong.
And when I do, you're gonna put in a good word for him.
How are you gonna prove it? With a jury of our peers.
You.
You settle an easy debate? Do you think that that girl is a suitable match for Ugh.
Bad picture.
Weird smile.
Oh, man bun.
Come on, Ray! Yeah.
That boy.
- This feels off-task.
- It is.
But if you settle this, we will vote that that guy is guilty or not guilty or whichever one he obviously is, and then we can all go home.
- Deal? - Works for me.
Oh.
Was just out with our neighbor Donny, - having a catch.
- Hey.
Uh, Ray, the glove goes on your nondominant hand.
Joke's on you.
Both my hands are nondominant.
Now Donny is gonna take me to practice driving.
Wait.
I barely know you, and you're teaching my son to drive? You're the best, Donny.
Owe you one.
That's a good-looking sweatshirt.
No.
No! JJ? [SIGHS.]
Uh, hi.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Uh, it's from you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why are you being so "Lauren, as you have probably noticed by now, I use a wheelchair.
I'm also nonverbal, which is why I've just been nodding a lot, but everything else I said was true.
I'm the same person you connected with online.
Give me a chance, and I promise you'll see that.
" I don't think this is going to work out.
What?! Hey, JJ.
Big mistake, Lauren.
Huge.
How do you know my name? Doesn't matter.
What matters is, this guy is smart.
This is guy is funny.
Sure, he's a bit too sarcastic, and he'll eat all your candy, and he'll think you don't know, but you know.
I just feel bad that you can't see past his disability.
It's not about that.
[SIGHS.]
He lied.
I'm looking for something real, and that can't start with dishonesty.
[SIGHS.]
Pbht! Can you believe her? Know-it-all.
"She was" R-I "right.
" Yeah, I didn't wanna say anything, but, damn, Lauren's a genius.
"You said the same thing.
You're pretty smart, too.
" Yeah, imagine if I had bangs.
And so, ad hominem, in Costco est, excellent Christmas presents, handwritten love letters, zero sexual pressure.
- Please, all those massages? - Over the shirts.
I think he's cute, and he's really smart.
I liked him from the beginning.
I think he might be out of her league.
Yeah, let's not get crazy.
Okay.
He's in her league? Show of hands? Fine! Okay, I liked him, too.
He is cute and funny, and he gave me a couple of those sexless massages.
[SIGHS.]
And they were wonderful.
Yeah, they are wonderful, aren't they? You win, Maya.
He's in her league.
Yes! Yeah.
High five.
No five.
And I will put in a word with Taylor.
And she'll listen, too.
[SIGHING.]
God, those kids depend on me.
I know.
Mine depend on me, too.
That's why our time here is so precious.
And you gave up your whole break for Ray.
Well, we don't get to take a break.
Do we? It's been a pleasure, juror number three.
Likewise, number eight.
[SIGHS.]
Oh! Forgot.
Not guilty.
Yeah, whatever she said.
You mean "guilty"! - Yeah, yeah, that.
- See you next year! Tighten that up a little bit.
There we go.
RAY: Oh, come on.
First, Ping-Pong is your thing.
Now fixing cars is your thing? Buddy, it's not what it looks like.
No.
No, I deserve this.
Dylan, don't make the same mistake I did.
Cherish this man.
Keep him close.
Because his love is like the sun, [VOICE BREAKING.]
and when the sun goes away [SIGHS DEEPLY.]
When the sun goes away, only the sad flowers grow.
Shut up, Ray.
The car is for you.
We've been fixing it up this whole time.
We wanted it to be a surprise, you blubbering dumb-dumb.
You don't love Dylan more than me? Of course not.
I love you both equally.
Now, did you hear the part about where you get a car? How exciting is that? S-So you love us the exact same? You're getting a damn car, Ray! [KEYS JINGLE.]
[SIGHS.]
This the family I always wanted you to be.
A car.
My car.
And your thing was actually something wonderful for me.
[SIGHS.]
So, just to be clear, like a "Sophie's Choice" situation, she would have no edge on me whatsoever? [KEYS JINGLE.]
No! [SIGHS.]
So, you really don't have a favorite? No.
RAY: Where'd you throw them? Ha! But you don't make it easy.
"People say I'm the strong, silent type because I have cerebral palsy and I'm nonverbal.
" Better! I still think you might want a picture where you show a little more skin.
"What is your deal, man?" [CHUCKLES.]
Okay, here's my updated profile.
"Two failed marriages have made me an expert.
Here's hoping third time's the charm.
No Argentineans.
" I had an experience.
[LAUGHS.]
Anyway, uh, ready to show people who we really are? Post it.
[COMPUTER BEEPS.]
And - [COMPUTER BEEPS.]
- posted.
- [SIGHS.]
- [SIGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[COMPUTER CHIMES.]
"In the matter of Ray out of Taylor's league versus Ray in Taylor's league, we, the jury, find Ray to be in Taylor's league.
" - What did you do? - Oh, nothing bad.
I just shared your breakup story - with a roomful of strangers.
- What? - Weren't you at jury duty? - Yes.
And like all things, I twisted it to fit my needs.
Congratulations, darling.
You are good enough for Taylor! Oh, whose mother was there, actually, and she's gonna put in a good word for you with her daughter.
Mom, that's That's amazing.
- Thank you! - Ray? Do we thank Mummy with our words? [KNUCKLES CRACK.]
Mmm.
Oh, there's no place like home.