Tales from the Crypt (1989) s02e16 Episode Script

HI, MOM! I JUST LOVE HOME VIDEOS, DON'T YOU? ESPECIALLY WHEN THE HOME IS HAUNTED.
TONIGHT'S TWISTED TALE, MY DEAR COUCH POTATOES, IS FILED UNDER "T" FOR TELEVISION OR SHOULD THAT BE TERROR? MR.
HORTON RIVERS IS ABOUT TO FIND OUT, SO STAYED TUNED TO THIS TOTALLY TITILLATING TUBE.
Booth: AND CUE HORTON.
MASS MURDER, DISMEMBERMENT, SUICIDE- IT ALL HAPPENED RIGHT HERE ON THIS QUIET STREET IN THE HEART OF LOS ANGELES.
WITHIN THE WALLS OF THE ONCE STATELY MANOR RIGHT BEHIND ME, ADA RITTER, AGING MATRIARCH OF THE RITTER HOME BOARDING HOUSE, ROUTINELY MURDERED HER ELDERLY GUESTS FOR THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY CHECKS.
THE BODIES WERE DISMEMBERED AND BURIED IN THE BASEMENT.
POLICE SPECULATE THERE MAY HAVE BEEN MORE.
ONLY ADA RITTER, WHOSE SUICIDE PROMPTED THE INVESTIGATION, KNEW FOR SURE.
CAMERA 3.
NOW, 5 YEARS LATER, THE HORROR CONTINUES- RUMORS OF GHOSTS, VOICES IN THE NIGHT, WEIRD LIGHTS AND SOUND.
NONSENSE? OR IS THIS MODERN-DAY CHAMBER OF HORRORS TRULY HAUNTED? TONIGHT WE'LL FIND OUT, BECAUSE I'M GOING INSIDE THE RITTER HOUSE.
AH BUT YOU'LL BE WITH ME ON THIS SPECIAL HAUNTING EDITION OFHORTON RIVERS LIVE! DON'T LEAVE ME.
BERNIE BOY, THE SCISSORS.
Booth: AND ROLL COMMERCIAL.
Woman: STAND BY, TAPE 2.
TAPE 2.
TWO MINUTES TO START TIME.
Man, on monitor: TWO MINUTES, EVERYONE! DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A LITTLE STUPID HAVING A POLICE LINE STILL UP THE CASE WAS CLOSED? I TRIED TO TELL HIM.
Horton: SAM! SAM, GET YOUR TAIL FEATHERS OUT HERE! HIS MAJESTY BECKONS.
HIS MAJESTY BECKONS.
SAMMY BABY! SAMMY BABY! Booth: YOU PUTZ.
WHERE THE HELL IS SHE? COME ON.
GET THIS SIDE.
SAM! JUST A SEC.
SAM WHO IS THAT CLOWN? THAT IS ROLAND WORKSHAFTER, THE PSYCHIC YOU REQUESTED.
HE LOOKS MORE LIKE A MORTICIAN THAN A PSYCHIC.
OK.
FORGET THAT.
NEXT WEEK'S SHOWS.
OK.
YOU GOT A CHOICE NEXT WEEK.
YOU GOT THE SATANISTS, YOU GOT THE IMPOTENT TRANSVESTITE, SOLDIERS OF FORTUNE, A NEO-NAZI BLACK GROUP, AND THE CULTURE SHOW FOR THURSDAY IS BREAST IMPLANTS.
BINGO.
YOU GOT ANY STRIPPERS? YES, WE GOT A COMBO ON THAT ONE.
DO YOU WANT THE STRIPPERS WHO WERE IN THE SAME CONVENT TOGETHER OR THE ONES WHO USE ANIMALS? HMM.
I'LL TAKE THE NUNS.
GOOD CHOICE.
THEY'RE AS CLOSE TO HEAVEN AS YOU'LL EVER GET.
HOW ABOUT THAT COUPLE THAT WAS TAKING PICTURES IN PARIS OF JIM MORRISON? YEAH, THEY SAID THEY GOT A BUNCH OF HIM HAVING LUNCH WITH MARILYN MONROE.
OK.
ALL RIGHT.
I LIKE IT.
YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BELIEVE THAT? YEAH.
THEY'LL BELIEVE WHAT I TELL THEM TO BELIEVE.
I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
LISTEN TO ME.
I GET THE OUTFIT.
THE MORRISON JACKET, THE TIGHT LEATHER PANTS, STUFF THE SOCK DOWN IN FRONT.
NICE TOUCH.
I DON'T REALLY NEED IT, SAM, ALL RIGHT? AND I SING ONE OF HIS SONGS, LIKE, UH HELLO, HELLO I'M LIVIN' IN FRANCE I GOTTA, I'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF THESE PANTS HUH? YOU LIKE THAT, HUH? I THINK YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TV HOST SUED BY A DEAD GUY.
Booth: 10 SECONDS, HORTON! GET YOUR EAR PIECE IN.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, PAL.
YOU'RE NOT TOUGH ENOUGH.
YOU'RE TOO CONSCIENTIOUS.
YOU GOT TO HAVE THAT KILLER INSTINCT, ALL RIGHT? AND REMEMBER SOMETHING.
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH ME DOESN'T GIVE YOU A FREE RIDE IN THIS TOWN.
Booth: POSITIONS, PLEASE! Woman: QUIET! LET'S HOLD THE WORK! HOLD IT! STAND BY! QUIET ON THE SET.
READY ON THE 2-SHOT.
Woman: STAND BY, CAMERA 3.
HOLD THE 2-SHOT.
OPEN HORTON'S MIKE.
YOU EXTRAORDINARILY PUTRID WASTE OF HUMAN TISSUE.
CAMERA 3.
WITH ME TONIGHT IS DR.
ROLAND WORKSHAFTER, ONE OF THE WORLD'S MOST RENOWNED PSYCHICS.
DOCTOR, I WANT TO SAY, FIRST OF ALL, THAT I AM A GREAT ADMIRER OF YOUR WONDERFUL WORK.
TELL ME, SIR, IS THE RITTER HOUSE HAUNTED? IT'S A PIT OF SEETHING EVIL.
WOULD YOU ENTER IT WITH US? YOU COULDN'T PAY ME TO GO IN THERE, NOR DO I RECOMMEND YOU GO EITHER.
THERE YOU HAVE IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
ANOTHER EXPERT OPINION AND AN OPINION WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DEFY IN ORDER TO BRING THE STORY HOME TO YOU.
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
READY ON CAMERA 2.
STAND BY, 2.
CAMERA 2.
VIEWERS FAMILIAR WITH MY OTHER INVESTIGATIONS WILL UNDOUBTEDLY RECOGNIZE MY CAMERAMAN, TRIP HENDERSON.
TRIP.
OK, GUYS.
LET'S GET INSIDE THIS JOINT.
FIVE YEARS AGO, THIS PLACE WAS SEALED TIGHT.
WHAT SECRETS LAY INSIDE? COME ON.
COME ON.
WHAT STARTLING DISCOVERIES AWAIT US? GO, GOD DAMN IT! GET INSIDE! FOLLOW ME IF YOU DARE.
YOU FUCKIN' DICKHEAD.
HOLY SHIT! I FEEL LIKE I'M IN FUCKIN'LOST IN SPACE, MAN.
I FEEL LIKE I'M IN FUCKIN'LOST IN SPACE, MAN.
Booth: STAND BY, HORTON.
GO.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS AMAZING.
I MEAN, WHAT YOU'RE SEEING RIGHT NOW IS EXACTLY WHAT HOMICIDE DETECTIVES SAW 5 YEARS AGO.
IT'S LIKE STEPPING INTO A VOID.
IT'S LIKE STEPPING INTO THE PAST.
MOVING ON FROM THE FOYER TO A BACK HALL IN THIS OLD HOUSE, PAST A STAIRCASE TO A DOOR THAT I BELIEVE LEADS TO THE KITCHEN.
HERE, ADA RITTER PREPARED HOME-COOKED MEALS FOR HER BOARDERS.
OF COURSE, LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT THOSE MEALS WOULD, UH PERHAPS BE THEIR LAST MEALS.
BUT LOOK AT THE COUNTER.
CANNED GOODS, FOODSTUFF, DISHES, PLATES.
HA HA! KIDNEY BEANS.
IT'S AS THOUGH ADA RITTER NEVER LEFT.
BEAUTIFUL.
HA HA HA HA.
WOW.
AT LEAST WE KNOW THERE ARE STILL SOME INHABITANTS IN THIS HOUSE.
IT'S HIS FUCKIN' FAMILY.
HA HA HA HA.
NOW LET'S HEAD FOR THE PARLOR.
I HOPE THOSE DAMN RATS WE FOUND IN THE KITCHEN ARE THE ONLY THING WE FIND ALIVE IN THIS HOUSE.
AH, YES.
THE GAME ROOM.
IT WAS IN THIS ROOM, ACCORDING TO POLICE, THAT ADA RITTER PLAYED HER CLEVER GAMES AND ENTERTAINED HER GUESTS.
AND QUITE OFTEN, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WOULD ENTERTAIN THEM ON THE PIANO.
WOULD ENTERTAIN THEM ON THE PIANO.
WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S A HAUNTED HOUSE WITHOUT A COUPLE OF SHEETS? NOW INTO THE BASEMENT.
IT WAS DOWN THERE IN A DANK, CLAUSTROPHOBIC HELL THAT POLICE DISCOVERED THE GRISLY TRUTH ABOUT ADA RITTER.
DOWN HERE, THE SMILING MATRON OF DEATH CHOPPED UP THE CORPSES, ALL RIGHT? AND THEN STACKED THEIR BODY PARTS NEATLY BEHIND THE WALL.
WHOSE-WHOSE LIVES JUST SLIPPED THROUGH HER FINGERS LIKE GRAINS OF SAND.
WHOSE FINAL RESTING PLACE WAS THIS BLACK PIT.
WAS THIS BLACK PIT.
TRIP.
TRIP.
WHAT WENT THROUGH THE MIND OF ADA RITTER? WHAT PERVERSE LOGIC COULD CONVINCE HER THAT HER CRIMES WERE JUSTIFIED? WAS IT GREED? WAS IT LUST? Booth: 10 SECONDS TO COMMERCIAL.
PERHAPS AN INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR BLOOD LETTING.
BUT AS WE SEARCH FOR CLUES, WHICH WE'LL DO WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL FIND OUT.
Booth: OUT.
ROLL COMMERCIAL.
TAKE 3.
SHH.
CINDY'S SLEEPING ALL RIGHT.
GOT THAT, GANG? IS THAT A KILLER? YEAH, YEAH, WE GOT IT, HORTON.
NOW, GET YOUR ASS UPSTAIRS.
YOU GOT 2 MINUTES.
FUCK! COME ON.
WELL, I GUESS YOU BETTER REMEMBER WHO TOLD YOU FIRST, HUH, SAM? WHAT DID I TELL YOU? IT'S A GREAT SHOW.
HEY, DID THE NETWORK CALL YET? YEAH, HORTON.
THE NETWORK CALLED.
THEY WANT YOU TO PICK UP THE PACE.
WHAT? HEY, THE SHOW'S DRAGGING.
THEY'RE AFRAID IT'LL BE ANOTHER AL CAPONE'S VAULT.
WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY WANT ME TO DO? HORTON LISTEN, I'M A GUY WHO KNOWS A GOOD STORY, ALL RIGHT? I'M THE GUY WHO WENT TO EL SALVADOR.
I'M THE GUY WHO WENT TO AFGHANISTAN.
THEY'RE THE GUYS WHO SAT HOME ON THEIR FAT ASSES AND ATE QUICHE WHILE I WAS OVER THERE.
HORTON.
OK.
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS IS A GREAT SHOW.
THE RATINGS ARE GOING TO GO THROUGH THE ROOF.
THE RATINGS ARE GONNA BE OUT THE GODDAMN WINDOW IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING TO SPICE IT UP.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SPICE IT UP WITH? YOU HEAR THAT? Man, faintly: HELP ME.
COME ON, TRIP.
SOMETHING'S GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE.
Sam: HORTON, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? LET'S ROCK.
HOW SOON BEFORE WE'RE BACK? Booth: LESS THAN A MINUTE, HORTON.
DAMN IT.
HUSTLE IT UP.
OH, GREAT.
WHAT IS THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
SOME KIND OF INTERFERENCE.
TRIP, YOU WANT TO CHECK YOUR CONNECTIONS? WE GOT A LOT OF SNOW AND STATIC IN HERE.
ROGER, KINGPIN.
ROGER, KINGPIN.
Booth: WE GOT ABOUT Booth: WE GOT ABOUT CHRIST, WE'VE LOST PICTURE.
GIVE ME A CHECK RIGHT AWAY.
LET'S JUST ROLL ANOTHER COMMERCIAL TILL WE FIND THE PROBLEM.
CAN'T YOU FUCKIN' PEOPLE GET THE FUCKIN' BUGS OUT OF THIS EQUIPMENT? WE'LL TRY, HORTON.
WE'LL TRY, AS SOON AS YOU GET RID OF THE FUCKING BUG UP YOUR FUCKING ASS.
HORTON, DO YOU HEAR DRIPPING WATER? YEAH.
SO WHAT? THE UTILITIES HAVE BEEN OFF FOR YEARS.
THAT PLACE SHOULD BE BONE DRY.
SAM, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? READ THE METERS? JUST CHECK IT OUT IF YOU CAN.
TRIP! COME HERE! Booth: HORTON, WHAT'S HAPPENING? COME HERE.
COME HERE.
Booth: WHAT IS IT, HORTON? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? THERE WAS A MAN IN THAT BATHTUB AND HIS THROAT WAS SLASHED.
TRIP, DID YOU SEE ANY THAT? UH, NO, MAN, I DIDN'T.
ARE YOU CRAZY? HE WAS IN THAT BATHTUB, AND I SAW HIM! I WAS LOOKING AT THE CAMERA, MAN.
ARE YOU GUYS GETTING THIS? WE GOT PICTURE! GET OUT OF THAT COMMERCIAL RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE ON, HORTON.
YOU'RE ON LIVE.
GET OUT THERE.
GO! Sam: HORTON.
HORTON, GET ON CAMERA.
DO A STAND-UP-NOW.
DO A STAND-UP-NOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHAT WE'VE BEEN EXPERIENCING AND WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WITNESSING IS THE FIRST CASE OF PSYCHIC PHENOMENA EVER VIEWED ON LIVE TELEVISION.
BOOTH, WOULD YOU PATCH ME IN WITH DR.
WORKSHAFTER, PLEASE? GET ME CAMERA 2 ON WORKSHAFTER RIGHT NOW.
COME ON.
GET ME AN IMAGE.
Horton: DR.
WORKSHAFTER JUST WHAT IS IT, SIR, THAT WE'VE BEEN EXPERIENCING? Workshafter: TWO FORMS OF PHENOMENA- A PSYCHIC IMPRESSION AND SOME POLTERGEIST ACTIVITY, BOTH RATHER COMMON IN THE WORLD OF PSI-PHENOMENA.
WHAT IS HAPPENING IS NOT UNUSUAL FOR A SITE WHERE A VIOLENT EVENT HAS TAKEN PLACE.
FREQUENTLY WHAT HAPPENS IS THAT AN IMPRESSION HAS BEEN RECORDED BY THE WALLS AND TRAPPED INSIDE, AND PLAYS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
KIND OF LIKE AN INSTANT REPLAY? YES, WHEREAS POLTERGEIST ACTIVITY IS THE ACTIONS OF A MISCHIEVOUS OR MALEVOLENT EARTHBOUND SPIRIT.
ARE WE IN ANY DANGER? YOU WERE IN DANGER THE MOMENT YOU CRAWLED THROUGH THE THRESHOLD.
Voice: HELP ME TRIP! TRIP! TRIP! TRIP! TRIP! TRIP! TRIP! BOOTH, SOMEBODY IS IN THIS HOUSE.
SOMEBODY IS IN THIS HOUSE.
PLEASE NOTIFY THE AUTHORITIES.
FOLKS, I'M NOT KIDDING YOU, ALL RIGHT? WHILE WE WERE IN COMMERCIAL, THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF THINGS GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE.
I AM NOT OUT OF MY OK.
YES.
IT'S THE NETWORK.
THEY LOVE IT.
WHATEVER WE'RE DOING, KEEP ON DOING IT.
THE PHONES ARE RINGING OFF THE WALLS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SOME DISTURBING EVENTS HAVE BEEN TAKING PLACE.
NOW, WHETHER THIS IS ALL A HOAX, OR SOME SUPERNATURAL ACTIVITY IS GOING ON, I DON'T KNOW, BUT WE'RE GOING TO FIND OUT.
TRIP.
Booth: OH, MY GOD.
IT'S TRIP.
HORTON? HORTON, WHO'S GOT THE CAMERA? OH, JESUS! AAH! HELP ME! GET THE SECURITY TEAM TO STAND BY.
Horton: I'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE! IT'S THE NETWORK AGAIN.
THEY'RE ECSTATIC.
RATINGS ARE GOING THROUGH THE ROOF.
OH, GOD.
HELP ME! HELP ME! GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? WE PULL IT NOW OR WE KEEP HIM IN THERE? Horton: OH, GOD! IT'S YOUR CALL.
HELP ME! KEEP HIM IN THERE.
GOD HELP ME! GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE! HELP ME! HELP ME! OH! OH, OH, OH, OH.
NO! NO! NO! DON'T LEAVE ME IN HERE! HORTON, CAN YOU HEAR ME? WE GOT TO KEEP YOU IN THERE.
THE RATINGS ARE TOO HIGH.
AAH! AAH! SOUNDS COLD, I KNOW, BUT YOU GOT TO HAVE THAT KILLER INSTINCT, RIGHT? HANG IN THERE, BABE.
AAH! AAH! Sam: WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, KEEP DOING IT.
IT REALLY LOOKS REAL.
AAH! AAH! AAH! Booth: HOLY SHIT.
Horton: HEY, FOLKS, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH SATAN? MEET 4 WOMEN AND ONE MAN WHO SAY THEY HAVE ON THE NEXT EDITION OFHORTON RIVERS LIVE.
OH, THAT HORTON.
HE'S A REAL SWINGER.
HE HANGS OUT IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES.
NO WONDER HE'S SUCH A HIT ON LIVE- OR IS IT DEAD?- TV!