The A-Team (1983) s02e16 Episode Script
Say It With Bullets
NARRATOR: In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a miIitary court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptIy escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los AngeIes underground.
Today, stiII wanted by the government, they survive as soIdiers of fortune.
If you have a probIem, if no one eIse can heIp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Theme music.]
SHAW: l thought you were supposed to be a big, fancy, hotshot weapons dealer.
What, you got some kind of weird conscience? SHAW: ls that it? SHAW: Suit yourself, man.
As long as you can get us enough weapons to make the 6:00 news start at 5:00.
l have what you need, what you do with them is your business.
-l make no judgments.
-Yeah? -Where do you get them from? -You want them or don't you? You've got to understand there are other sellers.
Not with what l've got.
You want the best, we do my terms, my price.
When l'm ready.
You better start getting your money together.
There are other buyers.
[Slow instrumental music.]
Sir, l want out.
l can't justify it no matter how much money's involved.
HARNETT: You want out? l'll give you out.
[Soft instrumental music.]
Good morning.
FräuIein, you are obscuring the configuration.
-What? -You're blocking the bones.
[Sighs.]
You know, my brother used to draw.
-What was his name? -Paul.
Have you seen anyone waiting around here? No, no one.
Sorry l interrupted you.
l came here for help.
l think someone's playing games with me.
HANNlBAL: l love games.
HANNlBAL: Especially when l know the cards everybody else is holding.
Eyeball, this is da Vinci.
Any loose Feds around out there? MURDOCK: Hello, Wally? This is the Murdock.
There's not a whole lot going on out here.
Somebody who looked like Lumpy went by MURDOCK: but that's all.
B.
A.
: Give me this thing.
All clear, Hannibal.
Nobody followed her.
B.
A.
: But this here fooI thinks he's a 1950s TVstar.
l'm gonna cancel him out for good.
HANNlBAL: Just reIax, B.
A.
, and keep watch.
As long as l don't have to watch him.
Leave It to Murdock, fool.
What did all that mean? lt meant the A-Team just doesn't meet a dish who's in the US Army without knowing she is who she says she is.
l'm Hannibal Smith.
And l'm Templeton Peck.
Everybody's got an angle these days, know what l mean? l'll watch the hallway.
We thought you were okay after you talked to the pretzel vendor on Redondo Pier.
He told us about your brother's murder.
You already know about his murder? You and the pretzel man must have had a long talk.
We're close.
What else did he tell you? There was some arms trafficking on the US Army base that you and your brother were stationed at.
And that before his death your brother was scheduled to drive the stolen hardware off the base.
Paul got scared.
He wanted out.
Great reason to kill somebody.
Just a crazy thing.
l can't even go to the base commander because l don't know if he's in on it.
That's why l came to you.
Do you know who actually supervised the moving of the weapons? Lieutenant Mason Harnett.
He works in the base armoury office.
The armoury.
Perfect.
He live on the base or off? He's got a house off the base.
We'll run the address down.
-Does that mean you're gonna help me? -Lady a lot of people got some funny ideas about us including the US Army.
But when some sIeaze Iike Harnett comes aIong stealing Army weapons and murdering people in the process we're as patriotic as the Pentagon.
Consider yourself helped.
You just hired the A-Team.
Thank you.
FACE: l just love picking locks.
FACE: Eye-hand coordination, you know? lnvaluable tools.
HANNlBAL: B.
A.
, check out the front.
Murdock, get the rest of the house.
CIosets, drawers, everything.
FACE: Regular stationary store.
This ought to be easy.
Guys, is it just me or is this an awfully nice house for a lieutenant's salary? This guy's got another house.
At the beach.
Take a look at this.
Harnett hired a 10x15 space at the U-Store-lt-Warehouse three days ago.
Enough to do anything you want.
Colonel, something you ought to hear.
SHAW: [On Tape.]
We're buying, Harnett.
CaII us tomorrow at noon.
Don't miss it.
-lt's the weapons, what are we going to do? -Get there first.
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
Hi.
We're here to take a look at number 86.
Name's Harnett.
Thanks.
Come on, Face.
What happened to all that eye-hand coordination? l'm concentrating.
Don't rush genius.
Right under the freeway.
lnteresting.
Voilà.
[Face whistling.]
FACE: Exploding supermarket.
FACE: This stuff's got to be worth a fortune on the street.
HANNlBAL: l wonder who the customers are.
[Gunshot firing.]
Somebody's on a shopping spree.
[Car tyres screeching.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
Well, Colonel, what now? Now we're all going to get back in the United States Army uniforms.
Fixing to mess with the US Army.
We're in trouble now.
CHARLOTTE: This makes no sense.
Why wouId Smith caII me and teII me the guns were here if he'd just taken them.
He'd be pointing the finger at himself.
Didn't expect them to be easy marks, did you? lf they didn't take the guns, who did? They took the guns.
But not to run them.
He wants to use them as evidence against Harnett.
You see, right now, he beIieves what you've toId him, CorporaI.
So he's fallen for the trap we set for him.
He even told you he was coming to the base to get the goods on Harnett.
That means l've held up my end of the deal that you came to me with, Colonel.
l've delivered the A-Team to you.
Now you hold up your end.
We'll get Harnett for murdering your brother.
Just as soon as l get the A-Team behind bars.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
Listen, Hannibal, there's about But my biggest objection even bigger than my objection of letting someone else drive my Vette my biggest objection is sending the Golden Age of Television here to back up Tawnia while she tries to scam a piece of scuzzy luggage like Harnett.
Thanks for your support, Facial one.
l think it'd be wise to send someone to back her up who is a little more jelled.
You know, other people have feelings.
And they hear these snide retorts.
And sometimes they'd just like to change your channel and send that crumbola attitude of yours back to Mr.
Rogers' neck of the woods.
Channel changer, Murdock? Yeah, it's usually for me.
You know, if l get tired of Ozzie and Murdock or I Love Murdock or.
l flip through the dial and it's time for BacheIor Murdock or Have Murdock - WiII TraveI.
Like this: ''And now it's time for the weather.
'' -See what l mean? -l'm warning you, sucker.
Anymore of this TV talk, l'll snap off your rabbit ears.
Take it easy, B.
A.
Get that bug for Tawnia? Now you have to plant that on Harnett.
As soon as you can.
HANNlBAL: Murdock will be around the corner.
l can hear everything over the receiver in the van.
lf he tries anything, l'm all over him.
l'll even make his brown eyes blue.
Remember, Harnett's supposed to make that call at noon.
You got to get that bug on him before that.
-And you got to get in close.
-Don't worry, guys.
l'll have Harnett broadcasting loud and clear.
B.
A.
: Hannibal, this is the craziest plan you ever had.
B.
A.
: ln case you forgot, the US Army's looking for us and you're just waving a red flag.
HANNlBAL: Yeah, just like a matador.
Help you, sirs? Colonel Harrison Smith.
Pentagon lnventory Section.
Yes, sir.
Well, gentlemen -into battle.
-He says it like it's a joke.
This is ain't no joke, man.
This whole thing is crazy.
Hannibal, l can't believe l let you talk me into coming on this base.
Better close the door, B.
A.
Corporal Brown.
You're here? Trick or treat.
Corporal Brown, would you mind showing us Harnett's office? We're about to make him think the Pentagon's giving him a dry shave.
Of course, Colonel, follow me.
SHAW: Harnett, you messed up.
You had visitors at the warehouse.
We had to take the stuff so we decided to hang out at your house.
By the way, you're running out of food down here.
FACE: Lieutenant Harnett? HARNETT: Yes.
l'm Lieutenant Parks.
This is Colonel Harrison Swift.
Pentagon lnventory Section.
We've been sent here to look through your files.
Sergeant Barker will be examining them.
You know Corporal Brown who has been asked to show us around.
Let's see the records.
-Dismissed.
-Colonel? Dismissed, Lieutenant.
Yes, sir.
Man seems to have a problem, Hannibal.
They get like that when they think you've been reading their mail.
We're gonna lose him.
We got someone on him the minute he goes out the gate.
MURDOCK: Now, remember this whole bag of bulbs is like that episode on Have Murdock - WiII TraveI l was telling you about where the bad guy is galloping along on his horse.
MURDOCK: Up rides this mystery chick on a muscle bound palomino called ''Pucker-up-handsome.
'' Yeah, l saw that, l think.
ln fact, you were real good in that one.
That's my cue.
Please don't lose me, Murdock.
[Tense instrumental music.]
Harnett just left the base.
-They're in his office.
-Good.
l want all gates sealed.
And l want a quadrant of men around this facility.
Over 70 square miles, Colonel.
Underestimating the A-Team is exactly the mistake that allows them to escape over and over.
DECKER: We're not making that mistake.
LEFLEUR: Decker.
You are not sending my command any longer than necessary.
Now you call the Pentagon anytime you like they will tell you stay out of my way.
That's what you better do.
[Murdock singing.]
[ln Spanish accent.]
Now, l told you, Murdock you are not coming to the club to meet Mr.
Cesar Romero.
And that is the last word.
l'm telling you, Hannibal, these books are very sloppy.
Harnett couldn't hide it if he was swiping typewriter ribbons, much less weapons.
We're gonna deIiver him wrapped in a bow.
Hey, Hannibal, look.
FACE: How'd they know? HANNlBAL: He was tipped.
Or it was a trap.
HANNlBAL: Or both.
FACE: Boy, l hate situations like this.
You go in trying to help mankind and all of a sudden, you realise you're adjusting your halo in a two-way mirror.
Smith.
This is Decker.
Lady, you are lucky l have manners.
You wouldn't like to hear what l say to people who lie to me.
It's over, Smith.
You Iost.
l was having such a nice day.
Don't worry, he'll give us a minute like he always does.
DECKER: You've got 30 seconds to give up your weapons before we open fire.
Got to give him credit, he's learning.
There's the warehouse, guys.
Lets see what's in it.
HANNlBAL: Hey, B.
A.
, take a look at this.
What do you say we get out of here, before Decker decides -to fly a B-52 over this place? -Good point.
FACE: Tear gas.
How convenient.
You guys grab anything you like, but don't shoot the Army boys.
HANNlBAL: lt's not their fault they're there.
Corporal Brown, come with us.
[Brown coughing.]
DECKER: Take cover.
[Dramatic instrumental music.]
Hold your fire.
They've got Corporal Brown.
l want them and l want them bad.
Move out.
-How big did you say this base was? -75 square miles.
That's what l call a real hideout.
Let's go, B.
A.
[Adventurous instrumental music.]
[Police siren wailing.]
l don't know, Hannibal.
Somehow l feel like we might be sitting right on the bull's-eye.
Relax, Face.
The last place they'd think to look is the house that Decker is staying in while he's here.
HANNlBAL: l mean, people often overlook what's right under their nose.
-Right, Charlotte? -You got something to say, say it.
Okay, you ran us into a buzz saw, why? Decker promised if l delivered you, he'd deliver Harnett.
And Harnett did really kill my brother.
That part was the truth.
You came down on the wrong side, honey.
We could have got Harnett for you.
You don't have to side up with a shark like Decker.
Are you guys kidding? Playing holier-than-thou after you ripped off the guns from Harnett's warehouse? The guns? lf we took the guns, why would we come here? -We could have just split.
-Lady, if we don't have them and you don't have them and we know Decker wouldn't steal them, who does that leave? [Door closing.]
What did you find, Sergeant? Gun collection in the den.
Big stereo, lots of records.
Hey, look at this: Sounds of War.
Colonel Decker, sir? -Telephone, sir.
-Who is it? He says his name is Colonel Smith.
Says you know him.
-Trace it.
-Yes, sir.
-Decker here.
-Hello, Decker, how's tricks? Get smart, Smith.
You and your people are at the bottom of a well.
-The only way up is past me.
-Anything you say, C.
D.
But just thought you'd ought to know you're chasing the wrong guys.
Harnett's got the guns, not us.
You blew it, pal.
By the way, good luck with the trace.
-They're running the trace.
-Dismissed.
lf they don't get it l want a listing of every phone in every building on this base.
You understand me? Every building.
-Yes, sir.
-Dismissed.
Sure you don't want one? l can't.
l like to drive, remember? -l didn't think you'd be leaving so soon.
-l didn't say l was.
HARNETT: Why don't you make yourseIf comfortabIe? I got a caII to make.
But l only have so much patience.
HARNETT: Good.
TAWNlA: l'll miss you.
We went to an Army base and decided to follow a soldier home when he picked up a pretty girl.
Right now he has no idea that we're playing a harmless little joke.
And that our entire Candid Murdock audience can hear every word.
Let's listen in and have some real fun.
-Yeah.
-Shaw.
lt's Harnett.
Lieutenant, we were starting to wonder when you would call.
You owe me money.
$500,000.
SHAW: You owe us, jerk.
We saved you.
Those guys at that warehouse were shooting back.
We could have been hurt.
You try and not pay me, Shaw, and l'll blow your cover.
Listen, genius.
What about you? lf you rang the bell, they'd know you were out in the halls between classes, too.
And then you ain't no ''A'' student no more.
Listen, nobody rips me off.
Especially some two-bit like you.
Say pretty please.
And then maybe you can come on down and get your money.
l guess the laugh's on him, because what Mr.
Harnett doesn't realise is that the Candid Murdock has been recording the whole thing.
Boy, l sure as heck wouldn't want to be in his Army boots.
What's wrong? Bad news? Small business problem.
What say we just kick back and relax? What's that thing? Nice car, big flashy smile this little number tucked in my collar.
What are you? Army lntelligence? ClA? What? l don't know what you're talking about, lover.
l'm just looking for some fun.
Lover, you made a big mistake.
HARNETT: You may as well talk now.
Hold it.
l think that it might help to take the safety off this time.
Thank you, Tony Murdock.
Tony will be back later to teach you how to play with guns.
First, l have an important message.
HARNETT: You're in deep.
MURDOCK: Yeah? l think we're doing fine, since l'm gonna lock you in a trunk the size of your nose.
And then l'm going to eat the key.
MURDOCK: We got the whole thing on tape, muchacho.
You were selling hardware you never should have been selling to guys with shifty nostrils.
We know they ripped you off at the warehouse, too.
We know everything.
You're facing a pretty bleak future, pal.
[Gasps.]
Nothing to fret about here, just a little civil defence matter.
He has volunteered to be ''Citizen Victim for a Day'' and he's pretending he has contracted a highly contagious, toxic, intergalactic virus.
We're carting him away to be steamed, pressed and hot-waxed.
You registered to vote? MURDOCK: Only got 10 minutes.
School 231 .
Tell them l sent you.
Saucus is the name.
Eagle Street.
All right, Captain Doo-Dah, you have a choice.
You can teII us where Shaw hid the goodies or this gal and l'll pretend it's our honeymoon and we'll drag you like a tin can.
Now start taIking.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
Got it.
DECKER: Prepare to move out.
The trace came through.
They're hiding out in the guesthouse where l'm quartered while l'm here.
Sounds like Smith's sense of humour.
That guesthouse is the pride of the base.
l'm not letting anybody shoot it up.
Don't even think about it, Decker.
LEFLEUR: Don't.
DECKER: Prepare to move out.
[Slow instrumental music.]
[Slow instrumental music continues.]
[Gunshot firing.]
B.
A.
: Here they come.
HANNlBAL: Good.
l hate to be kept waiting.
You go with Face.
Okay, B.
A.
, it's show time.
Smith.
This is Decker.
DECKER: I've given orders to fire, Smith.
Quit whiIe you're stiII aIive.
He's always so pompous when he thinks he's got us cornered.
Let's drop a little ice down his pants.
[Gunshot firing.]
Return fire.
[Gunshot firing.]
HANNlBAL: A tank.
Really? FACE: Really.
Right over here, l heard it roll up.
HANNlBAL: Face, my boy, things are starting to look really good.
Man, it's really going to hit the fan now.
CRANE: Flank groups are in position.
DECKER: Go.
Let's go.
[Classical instrumental music playing.]
Come on, Face.
We got a tank.
Think you can handle it, Sergeant? Just leave the driving to me.
Empty? The whole place was rigged, sir.
Like sprinklers on a timer.
We poured thousands of dollars worth of ammunition into this building, destroyed this house on a joke.
A joke! [Tank motor whirring.]
Get to the jeep.
l want them.
Right on track, B.
A.
Once we get past this bunch, it's a clear run to the perimeter fence.
We're practicaIIy in civvies aIready.
Aren't you getting ahead of yourself? That's not the Cub Scouts out there.
You really get a kick out of this, don't you? Just fire the gun, Hannibal, and get it over with.
We ain't got time for the jazz.
l ever tell you guys about my childhood? Hannibal, could we do the retrospective some other time? HANNlBAL: See, l was the kid who always liked waiting on Christmas Eve even more than l liked opening the presents the next morning.
But the next morning when l started ripping l started ripping.
[Dramatic instrumental music.]
The man's amazing, you know that? He never knows when his tail's whipped.
Yeah, the man's as crazy as you are, Hannibal.
He just needs an aspirin.
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
They're gonna take a shot.
How to win friends and influence people.
[Laughing.]
CRANE: Colonel, are you okay? Burn some tread, B.
A.
You act like you're playing a game.
What else is there, Corporal Brown? Besides, l love it when a plan comes together.
Vanman to Vetwoman.
We're about 5 miles from base.
What if they've really been caught this time and can't meet us? Then l believe l'll have a traumatic experience.
Ever notice you run into the nicest people in tanks? What are you so worried about? When he gets there, we cancel his warranty.
Nobody knows who's got the guns.
lt's simple.
Yeah, sure, simple.
Fine.
Only, you're making a mistake if you think he's going to show up here alone.
He ain't that stupid.
So? Got a suggestion? We make like the shadows at high noon.
We take the stuff and we vanish.
Sure hope Charlotte will be all right.
l wasn't crazy about dropping her and Harnett on the road back there.
Don't worry about her, B.
A.
She's got her brother's killer.
She's where she wants to be.
Now we gotta get those weapons back before the streets are on fire in half a dozen cities.
We got to change clothes.
HANNlBAL: Know how to find that address? TAWNlA: l do.
l hang out at the beach quite a bit.
l see.
We'll have to take these on the first run and come back for the rest.
You stay here and make sure Harnett doesn't show up and make trouble.
lf he does, float him away.
[Truck engine starting.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
Sit tight, Tawnia.
[Dramatic instrumental music.]
Book him, Dan-O.
HANNlBAL: Back off.
Some people never learn.
[Murdock singing.]
-lt was a good show, B.
A.
Maybe my best.
-Maybe your last.
These the only guys in the van, Murdock? Yes, l checked for invisibles, but they didn't have any.
Good.
Now.
l have a feeling that's Colonel Decker.
We'II Ieave you guys to him.
ShouId be an interesting conversation.
You'll love him.
He's a real party animal.
Let's go.
-Where are they? -What's it worth to you, doughboy? Maybe helping you get off a little easier.
You shouldn't have said maybe.
That gave them the edge.
HANNlBAL: Well, we didn't get paid, but we did manage to frustrate Decker which is almost as good as money.
How's the smoke back there, ladies? Great? -Great.
-Good.
l wish l could pay you more, but on my salary, this is as far as l can go.
l misjudged you people pretty badly.
Nobody can blame you for trying to find your brother's murderer.
l for one am not gonna be chintzy with the applause.
-l'm impressed.
-l know you are.
You don't even know what l'm talking about.
HANNlBAL: Sure l do.
You're impressed because we managed to invade an US Army base drive their tanks around, stay in the guesthouse and blow out of there without a scratch.
FACE: Well, that's part of it.
HANNlBAL: l wasn't finished.
We also managed to put away Harnett and his ugly cousins Shaw and Noche.
And give Decker an ulcer in the process.
FACE: Yeah, l think that about-- HANNlBAL: Good.
Just didn't want to miss anything.
Hey, kids, do you know what time it is? Do you? Hannibal, if that fool don't stop that crazy TV talk l'm gonna knock him out over the airways for real.
lt's Howdy Murdock Time.
Maybe our big buddy Mr.
Baracus would like to hear a song.
How about Frère-- B.
A.
: This thing's got a volume control.
Yeah, now we're talking.
Least some of us are.
That's more Iike it.
[Theme music.]
These men promptIy escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los AngeIes underground.
Today, stiII wanted by the government, they survive as soIdiers of fortune.
If you have a probIem, if no one eIse can heIp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Theme music.]
SHAW: l thought you were supposed to be a big, fancy, hotshot weapons dealer.
What, you got some kind of weird conscience? SHAW: ls that it? SHAW: Suit yourself, man.
As long as you can get us enough weapons to make the 6:00 news start at 5:00.
l have what you need, what you do with them is your business.
-l make no judgments.
-Yeah? -Where do you get them from? -You want them or don't you? You've got to understand there are other sellers.
Not with what l've got.
You want the best, we do my terms, my price.
When l'm ready.
You better start getting your money together.
There are other buyers.
[Slow instrumental music.]
Sir, l want out.
l can't justify it no matter how much money's involved.
HARNETT: You want out? l'll give you out.
[Soft instrumental music.]
Good morning.
FräuIein, you are obscuring the configuration.
-What? -You're blocking the bones.
[Sighs.]
You know, my brother used to draw.
-What was his name? -Paul.
Have you seen anyone waiting around here? No, no one.
Sorry l interrupted you.
l came here for help.
l think someone's playing games with me.
HANNlBAL: l love games.
HANNlBAL: Especially when l know the cards everybody else is holding.
Eyeball, this is da Vinci.
Any loose Feds around out there? MURDOCK: Hello, Wally? This is the Murdock.
There's not a whole lot going on out here.
Somebody who looked like Lumpy went by MURDOCK: but that's all.
B.
A.
: Give me this thing.
All clear, Hannibal.
Nobody followed her.
B.
A.
: But this here fooI thinks he's a 1950s TVstar.
l'm gonna cancel him out for good.
HANNlBAL: Just reIax, B.
A.
, and keep watch.
As long as l don't have to watch him.
Leave It to Murdock, fool.
What did all that mean? lt meant the A-Team just doesn't meet a dish who's in the US Army without knowing she is who she says she is.
l'm Hannibal Smith.
And l'm Templeton Peck.
Everybody's got an angle these days, know what l mean? l'll watch the hallway.
We thought you were okay after you talked to the pretzel vendor on Redondo Pier.
He told us about your brother's murder.
You already know about his murder? You and the pretzel man must have had a long talk.
We're close.
What else did he tell you? There was some arms trafficking on the US Army base that you and your brother were stationed at.
And that before his death your brother was scheduled to drive the stolen hardware off the base.
Paul got scared.
He wanted out.
Great reason to kill somebody.
Just a crazy thing.
l can't even go to the base commander because l don't know if he's in on it.
That's why l came to you.
Do you know who actually supervised the moving of the weapons? Lieutenant Mason Harnett.
He works in the base armoury office.
The armoury.
Perfect.
He live on the base or off? He's got a house off the base.
We'll run the address down.
-Does that mean you're gonna help me? -Lady a lot of people got some funny ideas about us including the US Army.
But when some sIeaze Iike Harnett comes aIong stealing Army weapons and murdering people in the process we're as patriotic as the Pentagon.
Consider yourself helped.
You just hired the A-Team.
Thank you.
FACE: l just love picking locks.
FACE: Eye-hand coordination, you know? lnvaluable tools.
HANNlBAL: B.
A.
, check out the front.
Murdock, get the rest of the house.
CIosets, drawers, everything.
FACE: Regular stationary store.
This ought to be easy.
Guys, is it just me or is this an awfully nice house for a lieutenant's salary? This guy's got another house.
At the beach.
Take a look at this.
Harnett hired a 10x15 space at the U-Store-lt-Warehouse three days ago.
Enough to do anything you want.
Colonel, something you ought to hear.
SHAW: [On Tape.]
We're buying, Harnett.
CaII us tomorrow at noon.
Don't miss it.
-lt's the weapons, what are we going to do? -Get there first.
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
Hi.
We're here to take a look at number 86.
Name's Harnett.
Thanks.
Come on, Face.
What happened to all that eye-hand coordination? l'm concentrating.
Don't rush genius.
Right under the freeway.
lnteresting.
Voilà.
[Face whistling.]
FACE: Exploding supermarket.
FACE: This stuff's got to be worth a fortune on the street.
HANNlBAL: l wonder who the customers are.
[Gunshot firing.]
Somebody's on a shopping spree.
[Car tyres screeching.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
Well, Colonel, what now? Now we're all going to get back in the United States Army uniforms.
Fixing to mess with the US Army.
We're in trouble now.
CHARLOTTE: This makes no sense.
Why wouId Smith caII me and teII me the guns were here if he'd just taken them.
He'd be pointing the finger at himself.
Didn't expect them to be easy marks, did you? lf they didn't take the guns, who did? They took the guns.
But not to run them.
He wants to use them as evidence against Harnett.
You see, right now, he beIieves what you've toId him, CorporaI.
So he's fallen for the trap we set for him.
He even told you he was coming to the base to get the goods on Harnett.
That means l've held up my end of the deal that you came to me with, Colonel.
l've delivered the A-Team to you.
Now you hold up your end.
We'll get Harnett for murdering your brother.
Just as soon as l get the A-Team behind bars.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
Listen, Hannibal, there's about But my biggest objection even bigger than my objection of letting someone else drive my Vette my biggest objection is sending the Golden Age of Television here to back up Tawnia while she tries to scam a piece of scuzzy luggage like Harnett.
Thanks for your support, Facial one.
l think it'd be wise to send someone to back her up who is a little more jelled.
You know, other people have feelings.
And they hear these snide retorts.
And sometimes they'd just like to change your channel and send that crumbola attitude of yours back to Mr.
Rogers' neck of the woods.
Channel changer, Murdock? Yeah, it's usually for me.
You know, if l get tired of Ozzie and Murdock or I Love Murdock or.
l flip through the dial and it's time for BacheIor Murdock or Have Murdock - WiII TraveI.
Like this: ''And now it's time for the weather.
'' -See what l mean? -l'm warning you, sucker.
Anymore of this TV talk, l'll snap off your rabbit ears.
Take it easy, B.
A.
Get that bug for Tawnia? Now you have to plant that on Harnett.
As soon as you can.
HANNlBAL: Murdock will be around the corner.
l can hear everything over the receiver in the van.
lf he tries anything, l'm all over him.
l'll even make his brown eyes blue.
Remember, Harnett's supposed to make that call at noon.
You got to get that bug on him before that.
-And you got to get in close.
-Don't worry, guys.
l'll have Harnett broadcasting loud and clear.
B.
A.
: Hannibal, this is the craziest plan you ever had.
B.
A.
: ln case you forgot, the US Army's looking for us and you're just waving a red flag.
HANNlBAL: Yeah, just like a matador.
Help you, sirs? Colonel Harrison Smith.
Pentagon lnventory Section.
Yes, sir.
Well, gentlemen -into battle.
-He says it like it's a joke.
This is ain't no joke, man.
This whole thing is crazy.
Hannibal, l can't believe l let you talk me into coming on this base.
Better close the door, B.
A.
Corporal Brown.
You're here? Trick or treat.
Corporal Brown, would you mind showing us Harnett's office? We're about to make him think the Pentagon's giving him a dry shave.
Of course, Colonel, follow me.
SHAW: Harnett, you messed up.
You had visitors at the warehouse.
We had to take the stuff so we decided to hang out at your house.
By the way, you're running out of food down here.
FACE: Lieutenant Harnett? HARNETT: Yes.
l'm Lieutenant Parks.
This is Colonel Harrison Swift.
Pentagon lnventory Section.
We've been sent here to look through your files.
Sergeant Barker will be examining them.
You know Corporal Brown who has been asked to show us around.
Let's see the records.
-Dismissed.
-Colonel? Dismissed, Lieutenant.
Yes, sir.
Man seems to have a problem, Hannibal.
They get like that when they think you've been reading their mail.
We're gonna lose him.
We got someone on him the minute he goes out the gate.
MURDOCK: Now, remember this whole bag of bulbs is like that episode on Have Murdock - WiII TraveI l was telling you about where the bad guy is galloping along on his horse.
MURDOCK: Up rides this mystery chick on a muscle bound palomino called ''Pucker-up-handsome.
'' Yeah, l saw that, l think.
ln fact, you were real good in that one.
That's my cue.
Please don't lose me, Murdock.
[Tense instrumental music.]
Harnett just left the base.
-They're in his office.
-Good.
l want all gates sealed.
And l want a quadrant of men around this facility.
Over 70 square miles, Colonel.
Underestimating the A-Team is exactly the mistake that allows them to escape over and over.
DECKER: We're not making that mistake.
LEFLEUR: Decker.
You are not sending my command any longer than necessary.
Now you call the Pentagon anytime you like they will tell you stay out of my way.
That's what you better do.
[Murdock singing.]
[ln Spanish accent.]
Now, l told you, Murdock you are not coming to the club to meet Mr.
Cesar Romero.
And that is the last word.
l'm telling you, Hannibal, these books are very sloppy.
Harnett couldn't hide it if he was swiping typewriter ribbons, much less weapons.
We're gonna deIiver him wrapped in a bow.
Hey, Hannibal, look.
FACE: How'd they know? HANNlBAL: He was tipped.
Or it was a trap.
HANNlBAL: Or both.
FACE: Boy, l hate situations like this.
You go in trying to help mankind and all of a sudden, you realise you're adjusting your halo in a two-way mirror.
Smith.
This is Decker.
Lady, you are lucky l have manners.
You wouldn't like to hear what l say to people who lie to me.
It's over, Smith.
You Iost.
l was having such a nice day.
Don't worry, he'll give us a minute like he always does.
DECKER: You've got 30 seconds to give up your weapons before we open fire.
Got to give him credit, he's learning.
There's the warehouse, guys.
Lets see what's in it.
HANNlBAL: Hey, B.
A.
, take a look at this.
What do you say we get out of here, before Decker decides -to fly a B-52 over this place? -Good point.
FACE: Tear gas.
How convenient.
You guys grab anything you like, but don't shoot the Army boys.
HANNlBAL: lt's not their fault they're there.
Corporal Brown, come with us.
[Brown coughing.]
DECKER: Take cover.
[Dramatic instrumental music.]
Hold your fire.
They've got Corporal Brown.
l want them and l want them bad.
Move out.
-How big did you say this base was? -75 square miles.
That's what l call a real hideout.
Let's go, B.
A.
[Adventurous instrumental music.]
[Police siren wailing.]
l don't know, Hannibal.
Somehow l feel like we might be sitting right on the bull's-eye.
Relax, Face.
The last place they'd think to look is the house that Decker is staying in while he's here.
HANNlBAL: l mean, people often overlook what's right under their nose.
-Right, Charlotte? -You got something to say, say it.
Okay, you ran us into a buzz saw, why? Decker promised if l delivered you, he'd deliver Harnett.
And Harnett did really kill my brother.
That part was the truth.
You came down on the wrong side, honey.
We could have got Harnett for you.
You don't have to side up with a shark like Decker.
Are you guys kidding? Playing holier-than-thou after you ripped off the guns from Harnett's warehouse? The guns? lf we took the guns, why would we come here? -We could have just split.
-Lady, if we don't have them and you don't have them and we know Decker wouldn't steal them, who does that leave? [Door closing.]
What did you find, Sergeant? Gun collection in the den.
Big stereo, lots of records.
Hey, look at this: Sounds of War.
Colonel Decker, sir? -Telephone, sir.
-Who is it? He says his name is Colonel Smith.
Says you know him.
-Trace it.
-Yes, sir.
-Decker here.
-Hello, Decker, how's tricks? Get smart, Smith.
You and your people are at the bottom of a well.
-The only way up is past me.
-Anything you say, C.
D.
But just thought you'd ought to know you're chasing the wrong guys.
Harnett's got the guns, not us.
You blew it, pal.
By the way, good luck with the trace.
-They're running the trace.
-Dismissed.
lf they don't get it l want a listing of every phone in every building on this base.
You understand me? Every building.
-Yes, sir.
-Dismissed.
Sure you don't want one? l can't.
l like to drive, remember? -l didn't think you'd be leaving so soon.
-l didn't say l was.
HARNETT: Why don't you make yourseIf comfortabIe? I got a caII to make.
But l only have so much patience.
HARNETT: Good.
TAWNlA: l'll miss you.
We went to an Army base and decided to follow a soldier home when he picked up a pretty girl.
Right now he has no idea that we're playing a harmless little joke.
And that our entire Candid Murdock audience can hear every word.
Let's listen in and have some real fun.
-Yeah.
-Shaw.
lt's Harnett.
Lieutenant, we were starting to wonder when you would call.
You owe me money.
$500,000.
SHAW: You owe us, jerk.
We saved you.
Those guys at that warehouse were shooting back.
We could have been hurt.
You try and not pay me, Shaw, and l'll blow your cover.
Listen, genius.
What about you? lf you rang the bell, they'd know you were out in the halls between classes, too.
And then you ain't no ''A'' student no more.
Listen, nobody rips me off.
Especially some two-bit like you.
Say pretty please.
And then maybe you can come on down and get your money.
l guess the laugh's on him, because what Mr.
Harnett doesn't realise is that the Candid Murdock has been recording the whole thing.
Boy, l sure as heck wouldn't want to be in his Army boots.
What's wrong? Bad news? Small business problem.
What say we just kick back and relax? What's that thing? Nice car, big flashy smile this little number tucked in my collar.
What are you? Army lntelligence? ClA? What? l don't know what you're talking about, lover.
l'm just looking for some fun.
Lover, you made a big mistake.
HARNETT: You may as well talk now.
Hold it.
l think that it might help to take the safety off this time.
Thank you, Tony Murdock.
Tony will be back later to teach you how to play with guns.
First, l have an important message.
HARNETT: You're in deep.
MURDOCK: Yeah? l think we're doing fine, since l'm gonna lock you in a trunk the size of your nose.
And then l'm going to eat the key.
MURDOCK: We got the whole thing on tape, muchacho.
You were selling hardware you never should have been selling to guys with shifty nostrils.
We know they ripped you off at the warehouse, too.
We know everything.
You're facing a pretty bleak future, pal.
[Gasps.]
Nothing to fret about here, just a little civil defence matter.
He has volunteered to be ''Citizen Victim for a Day'' and he's pretending he has contracted a highly contagious, toxic, intergalactic virus.
We're carting him away to be steamed, pressed and hot-waxed.
You registered to vote? MURDOCK: Only got 10 minutes.
School 231 .
Tell them l sent you.
Saucus is the name.
Eagle Street.
All right, Captain Doo-Dah, you have a choice.
You can teII us where Shaw hid the goodies or this gal and l'll pretend it's our honeymoon and we'll drag you like a tin can.
Now start taIking.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
Got it.
DECKER: Prepare to move out.
The trace came through.
They're hiding out in the guesthouse where l'm quartered while l'm here.
Sounds like Smith's sense of humour.
That guesthouse is the pride of the base.
l'm not letting anybody shoot it up.
Don't even think about it, Decker.
LEFLEUR: Don't.
DECKER: Prepare to move out.
[Slow instrumental music.]
[Slow instrumental music continues.]
[Gunshot firing.]
B.
A.
: Here they come.
HANNlBAL: Good.
l hate to be kept waiting.
You go with Face.
Okay, B.
A.
, it's show time.
Smith.
This is Decker.
DECKER: I've given orders to fire, Smith.
Quit whiIe you're stiII aIive.
He's always so pompous when he thinks he's got us cornered.
Let's drop a little ice down his pants.
[Gunshot firing.]
Return fire.
[Gunshot firing.]
HANNlBAL: A tank.
Really? FACE: Really.
Right over here, l heard it roll up.
HANNlBAL: Face, my boy, things are starting to look really good.
Man, it's really going to hit the fan now.
CRANE: Flank groups are in position.
DECKER: Go.
Let's go.
[Classical instrumental music playing.]
Come on, Face.
We got a tank.
Think you can handle it, Sergeant? Just leave the driving to me.
Empty? The whole place was rigged, sir.
Like sprinklers on a timer.
We poured thousands of dollars worth of ammunition into this building, destroyed this house on a joke.
A joke! [Tank motor whirring.]
Get to the jeep.
l want them.
Right on track, B.
A.
Once we get past this bunch, it's a clear run to the perimeter fence.
We're practicaIIy in civvies aIready.
Aren't you getting ahead of yourself? That's not the Cub Scouts out there.
You really get a kick out of this, don't you? Just fire the gun, Hannibal, and get it over with.
We ain't got time for the jazz.
l ever tell you guys about my childhood? Hannibal, could we do the retrospective some other time? HANNlBAL: See, l was the kid who always liked waiting on Christmas Eve even more than l liked opening the presents the next morning.
But the next morning when l started ripping l started ripping.
[Dramatic instrumental music.]
The man's amazing, you know that? He never knows when his tail's whipped.
Yeah, the man's as crazy as you are, Hannibal.
He just needs an aspirin.
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
They're gonna take a shot.
How to win friends and influence people.
[Laughing.]
CRANE: Colonel, are you okay? Burn some tread, B.
A.
You act like you're playing a game.
What else is there, Corporal Brown? Besides, l love it when a plan comes together.
Vanman to Vetwoman.
We're about 5 miles from base.
What if they've really been caught this time and can't meet us? Then l believe l'll have a traumatic experience.
Ever notice you run into the nicest people in tanks? What are you so worried about? When he gets there, we cancel his warranty.
Nobody knows who's got the guns.
lt's simple.
Yeah, sure, simple.
Fine.
Only, you're making a mistake if you think he's going to show up here alone.
He ain't that stupid.
So? Got a suggestion? We make like the shadows at high noon.
We take the stuff and we vanish.
Sure hope Charlotte will be all right.
l wasn't crazy about dropping her and Harnett on the road back there.
Don't worry about her, B.
A.
She's got her brother's killer.
She's where she wants to be.
Now we gotta get those weapons back before the streets are on fire in half a dozen cities.
We got to change clothes.
HANNlBAL: Know how to find that address? TAWNlA: l do.
l hang out at the beach quite a bit.
l see.
We'll have to take these on the first run and come back for the rest.
You stay here and make sure Harnett doesn't show up and make trouble.
lf he does, float him away.
[Truck engine starting.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
Sit tight, Tawnia.
[Dramatic instrumental music.]
Book him, Dan-O.
HANNlBAL: Back off.
Some people never learn.
[Murdock singing.]
-lt was a good show, B.
A.
Maybe my best.
-Maybe your last.
These the only guys in the van, Murdock? Yes, l checked for invisibles, but they didn't have any.
Good.
Now.
l have a feeling that's Colonel Decker.
We'II Ieave you guys to him.
ShouId be an interesting conversation.
You'll love him.
He's a real party animal.
Let's go.
-Where are they? -What's it worth to you, doughboy? Maybe helping you get off a little easier.
You shouldn't have said maybe.
That gave them the edge.
HANNlBAL: Well, we didn't get paid, but we did manage to frustrate Decker which is almost as good as money.
How's the smoke back there, ladies? Great? -Great.
-Good.
l wish l could pay you more, but on my salary, this is as far as l can go.
l misjudged you people pretty badly.
Nobody can blame you for trying to find your brother's murderer.
l for one am not gonna be chintzy with the applause.
-l'm impressed.
-l know you are.
You don't even know what l'm talking about.
HANNlBAL: Sure l do.
You're impressed because we managed to invade an US Army base drive their tanks around, stay in the guesthouse and blow out of there without a scratch.
FACE: Well, that's part of it.
HANNlBAL: l wasn't finished.
We also managed to put away Harnett and his ugly cousins Shaw and Noche.
And give Decker an ulcer in the process.
FACE: Yeah, l think that about-- HANNlBAL: Good.
Just didn't want to miss anything.
Hey, kids, do you know what time it is? Do you? Hannibal, if that fool don't stop that crazy TV talk l'm gonna knock him out over the airways for real.
lt's Howdy Murdock Time.
Maybe our big buddy Mr.
Baracus would like to hear a song.
How about Frère-- B.
A.
: This thing's got a volume control.
Yeah, now we're talking.
Least some of us are.
That's more Iike it.
[Theme music.]