Futurama s02e17 Episode Script

Bender Gets Made I'm gonna see my favorite chef TV's Elzar! This is the greatest|second of my life! No, this one is! Wait, that one was worse.
Ah, so far so good on this one! NoW, here he is:|Chef, restaurateur author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner|and Cooking Dinner for Slugs Elzar! Yeah! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! All right! Elzar, you're my god! Please sign this sketch I drew of you! Elzar! Bless you! Now, this is why I prefer|your non-stick robots.
All right! Yeah! I hope you folks like Cajun food.
Because we're making down-home|Neptune-style gumbo.
Step one: Boil some oysters in a pot|of Neptune-style gumbo.
Boiled? Interesting! - Bender, try to be a little quieter.
|- No, you shut up! Now and then, knock it up a notch|with your spice weasel.
Bam! Yeah! Bam it again!|Knock it up a notch! Who let him into the studio? Come on! Work that weasel!|Quit holding out! If you stop interrupting,|all right.
Against my will,|I'll knock it up a notch.
I gotta film this notch-up knocking.
Think fast! My eye! I'm blind! Tell me, doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.
I don't like this doctor.
I've lost|more patients than he's treated.
What does this look like? A grayish blob? Right.
And this one? A grayish blob? Not as right that time.
|You have some corneal irritation.
Nice try, little boy.
You may have textbook knowledge|and a real diploma but I have more skill in my claw|than you have in your whole body! You seem tense.
Try these.
Sure.
Butter me up with candy.
|Well, it won't work, sonny! Why always the fighting? Your eye needs rest.
|Wear this patch for a week.
A week? What do you think,|Dr.
Zoidberg? Clack.
Thanks for the help, Leela.
Leela! We're right here! I'm not deaf!|I just have to wear a patch.
Does it look stupid? No! It looks so nice,|I think I might get one too.
It's Elzar! I'm so excited I wish|I could wet my pants! Let me make this up to you.
You're all invited to my restaurant.
I'll bam up a dinner you won't forget! - All right!|- Yeah! Hooray for blind-ey! Oh, God.
I'm coming down! Watch your mouth because your|taste buds are going on vacation.
I made you each your own special meal,|so dig in! It's the biggest platter|I've ever seen! Jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork!|Is there any meat he can't jerk? The king crab is to die for!|Look, a tiny, edible crown! - What's it made of?|- Wood.
Oh, Fry! You gotta try this|sterno-nicoise.
It's robot food.
It's so good! Just try a little.
No, really, I don't Are you all right? Oh, yeah, the salad's fantastic! So fresh.
Oh, my! That steamed carrot|was a bit spicy.
Enjoy the dinner? - Are you kidding?|- God, yes, Elzar! I enjoyed cooking for you.
|And to make everything square I want you to have|these chocolates.
What's this? Take care of that whenever you want.
- Hey!|- A bill? You're charging us,|after you blinded me? I made a nice meal.
|This ain't a charity.
- Twelve hundred dollars?|- Holy zombie Jesus! We don't have that!|Especially not him.
They took away my credit cards.
I know how to take care of this.
|No problem.
You're all under arrest.
It's a stone cold shame.
He's making a break for it! - I was picking my nose.
|- Picking his nose! Get him! My daddy owned a restaurant|and punks like you made him fail.
That's why I'm a cop.
Now it's payback time.
Oh, yeah.
Don't hit me! I'm brittle! Wait! I've got the perfect solution! Listen to the robot! I love cooking,|and he needs help, right? - No question.
|- How about I work to pay off our debt? I don't know.
I try to hire people|who are less unbearable.
- Bender's a model employee!|- He's so polite! - And hardworking.
|- He's made of candy.
Okay, I'll give it a shot.
- All right! Yeah!|- Hot diggety! You better keep your nose clean.
That'll be easy.
I never wear it.
Time for my precious 10 a.
m.
meeting! Where is Leela? I'm here.
|And I'm getting along fine, thanks.
My walk took a little|longer than usual.
Nibbler took me through the zoo.
Don't be embarrassed about|needing help.
I could do your makeup.
I don't need help.
|I did this all by myself.
You look beautiful!|My favorite artist is Picasso! I'm off to the restaurant.
Someone can fill in for me.
I'll build someone to fill in for you! A gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms,|and a coal-black heart! If that guy can't handle it,|let me know.
I'm done siphoning out|the grease trap.
I need a mint.
What job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Bam yourself.
Who are they? They're very good customers,|and that's all I can say.
- Are they the Robot Mafia?|- Yes.
You call this a table?|You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy with this! The Don-Bot don't like it! I ought to clamp you! Calm down, Clamps.
The boss likes|to put his back against a wall like this there.
But that table's Let me bus that for you! What I meant to do was - Oh!|- I can't believe this! Get out! I like this guy's lack of style.
I give the guy cement shoes which he likes better|than his lead ones.
You think this computes? I gave you a hundred.
You gave me a fifty.
- No, I didn't.
|- You did.
You stealing from him? I'm trying, but it's not easy.
Check out his ball bearings.
Here's something for you.
- It's money.
|- Wow, thanks.
You earned that fifty.
- It's a twenty.
|- It is? Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to|Wait a minute! Say, you wanna work for me|as a hired goon? I've always wanted to be a goon! Hey, Elzar! I quit! Okay! We're gonna start with a delivery.
It's for a private lottery we run.
Wow! You guys run numbers? Ones and zeroes mostly.
Take this disk to Sammy|"The Mechanical Bull" Gravano.
Watch out for cops.
That's what my mom said.
That's good oil-aide, son.
|We could use you in the Robot Mafia.
Which I'm sort of in.
You flatter me, kind goon.
I'm programmed to only sell oil-aide|and write cute backwards letters.
Oh, crap.
The cops! - See anything suspicious?|- Nope.
But check out today's "Marmaduke.
"|Solid.
Hey, it's that skell from Elzar's! Undercover pursuit in progress baby.
- Gotcha!|- What's the problem? - Was I speeding?|- We'll decide that after a search.
He's clean.
Smells nice too.
- Better than me?|- Oh, yeah.
Courtesy of Mr.
Bender.
Nice job.
You passed the test.
You want to join us at our social club|tomorrow night? I'd rather plan some felonies.
Then we should meet|at our headquarters.
Don-Bot, please.
|I can't make the loan payment.
Look into your hard drive|and open your mercy file.
File not found.
That's a warning.
Thank you, Don-Bot.
Joey.
Clamps.
Donny-B.
We got a big score planned,|but we need some muscle.
A little of this, huh? This guy's got the strength of an ox.
He needs a nickname! How about Clamps? That's my name, you numbskull!|Don't make me clamp you one! How's Blotto? It's gritty, and I can keep|my monogrammed slippers.
Good thinking! Hey! This score ain't gonna be easy.
|There may be some death killing.
It'll be clamp this, clamp that,|ba-da-clamp! Well, Blotto? You in? It's funny.
|I always wanted to be a gangster.
The answer is yes! - Yeah!|- Way to go! Way to be! Way to shoot! Since we'll be committing crimes you'll want an alibi.
An alibi, huh? I don't feel good.
I'm genuinely sick.
We gotta eat our blast-off sundaes! I can't move.
|Oh, I think I'm gonna output.
You stay in bed.
I'll eat yours.
Bender's sick.
|Need any help taking off? I'm fine.
A real pilot|can navigate by feel alone.
That's coming out of your pay! The secret of robot cooking: Start with a high-quality oil.
|Then eat it.
So, what's this big score? Heisting Zuban cigars.
Those are the best cigars|in the universe! I can stink up a hospital|with one of those! There he is.
|Let's shoot bullets at him.
Here's the battle plan.
We shoot, they surrender we get the cigars and go home.
All without any killing.
|You've got some fresh new ideas! I admire that.
- We'll kill them.
|- We got them out-clamped.
They won't know what clamped them! Too bad you can't see because there's a ship|shooting at somebody.
I'm taking evasive action! - Uh, Leela?|- Stop bothering me! I need full concentration! - Missile evaded.
|- Eyes are for chumps.
Their desire to live|shows me no respect.
Roll down a window and start shooting.
Oh, he got me!|What a shot that guy is! Wait, the letters that normally say "Master Steering Wheel Co.
" say|"Nibbler.
" Oh, no! I'm back at the Wheel, Fry.
Great.
The one time I forgot|to buy flight insurance! They're coming this way!|You should clamp them! Gee, you think? Think I should use these clamps that|I use every day, at every opportunity? You're a genius, you idiot! The engine's stalled!|I'm trying the manual fuel pump! Hello.
We're the Robot Mafia.
The entire Robot Mafia.
We're taking the cigars.
- You can't!|- Unless you let us live! Then you'll get off.
Blindfold them|before they see us some more.
Boss, somebody beat us to it.
That's a joke at my expense.
Well, who's laughing now? Where's Blotto? He should be here,|learning the trade.
Sorry I'm tardy, old bean.
|I was enjoying a watercress sandwich.
He's classier than I thought.
|Tie them up! Capital idea! I say, get the hell off me! He sounds familiar.
My word, what have we? Nothing to see here! Hey, boss.
|This crew list lists a robot.
Okay.
I want you to find him|and plug him.
Then unplug him.
- No!|- I got a surprise for that guy: The clamps! Wait, Old Spice.
Let me get this chap!|I can be quite rough.
Poor Bender.
Oh, I don't feel good.
Chew on this! What ho!|Stop it! Take that, you twit! No, stop it! That's the last of them.
Now let's mafia things up.
Joey, burn the ship.
|Clamps, burn the crew.
Donny, give me a chance here, huh? Let me take care of the dirty work.
Hey, I like your attitude.
|And your accent.
Keep it up and I might get you|your own pair of clamps.
He's gonna get clamps? Clamps! Clamps, clamps, clamps.
We may not have much time so let's spend all of it|talking about Bender.
He was like a computer|that ran on magic.
Help! Help! - Bender!|- You're okay! Yes, I am!|Having just regained consciousness! I've got an idea.
It's about to break! Yes! - All right!|- It broke all right! Leela was in command,|and when she kicked, it hurt.
It really hurt.
This is the big moment.
|I can take my patch off.
I'll do the snipping.
After all,|I do have the proper equipment.
It's Blotto! That gangster I saw! Professor? Where were you last night? Where am I now? They sent a child to kill me! I'm not going without a fight! Fine kick, sir.
But I'm here|to deliver your cut from the heist.
Oh, sweet legal tender! Tell the Don-Bot|I quit organized crime.
I'll stick to the regular kind.
It's funny.
|With you sick and Leela blind only I know what went on.
Maybe someday I'll tell.
And maybe someday I won't listen.