Gossip Girl s02e17 Episode Script

Gossip girl here.
Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite.
This is my boyfriend dan humphrey.
Dan, this is miss carr.
She's my favorite new teacher.
What are you doing here? I'm taking your advice to come out to brooklyn sometime.
Why would you turn down yale? Yeah.
Why why would you do that? Brown is just a better fit for me, dan.
Do we still fit? This is a "b.
" Second semester seniors get a free pass.
You want to get rachel back for the grade she gave you? I can't risk not getting into yale.
I just wanted to teach you a lesson.
Inviting me to a closed restaurant for dinner? Ms.
Carr told me what you did.
If you complete detention to my satisfaction, yale will still be possible.
Is it war? Yes but this one will be different.
And who am i? That's a secret i'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.
o.
x.
o.
, gossip girl.
Captioned by closed captioning services, inc.
While upper east siders are hitting the snooze button, blair waldorf had a rude awakening when the rooster crowed at dawn this morning.
Never in my 16,982 hours of schooling have i ever been sentenced to detention.
I can't believe you added up all the hours of class we've had.
Makes me wanna play hooky.
One month with ms.
Carr, and i'm serving a week of hard time.
Dorota! Hey, be more thorough! Well, i think you might've had a little something to do with that.
The opera? The boathouse? Ring a bell? Look, all i know is i've never had a teacher who's actually taken me seriously.
It feels like she really gets me.
Is is that weird? Looks like humphrey has some competition.
Well, dan and i have barely spoken all week.
They say conversation is the first thing to go.
We will talk.
There's just a lot going on right now.
.
look, b.
, i gotta go.
I know where rachel eats breakfast, and i have to drop off my extra credit essay before i go to school.
I'll see you there.
Serena's sympathetic to the enemy.
I have to cross her off my list of recruits.
Give me that, quick! Come on! Quick! Yeah? Daddy! What a nice surprise! Handsome and i thought we'd bring you some breakfast.
Thank you.
Ahh.
You know, blair bear, i'm proud of you.
You're handling your punishment with such grace.
Well, we waldorfs are nothing if not graceful.
I wish you'd let me speak to the school.
It sounds like this teacher's been after you from the start.
Thank you.
But i wanted to handle this on my own.
That speaks volumes of the mature young lady you've become.
I wish everyone could see me through your eyes.
You keep your chin up.
I'll see you after school.
Bye-bye.
Miss blair, your martyr act no good.
Pick up the pace, shall we? I have to say, dan, i like this story even more than the last one you showed me.
I can totally relate to the sense of isolation, feeling like an outsider.
An outsider? You? Well, you know what? It took me ten years to master the local-express-local switchback.
And this morning? Gotta say you rose the subway like a native.
Do any other constance/ st.
Jude's students ever take the subway? Uh, no.
Most of them have limos with drivers.
And overbearing parents, overbooked schedules and overflowing bank accounts.
And a distracting sense of self-absorption.
School is the last thing on their minds, which is why i've been talking to headmistress queller about some ideas i have to get the students more focused on learning.
Oh, really? What do you have planned? Well rachel.
Dan.
Hi, serena.
Hey.
You guys are hanging out? Yeah, well, rachel has been giving me, uh, some feedback on my stories.
And by "feedback," he means "a wall of praise.
" Dan is a really good writer.
Trust me, i know.
Okay, all right, now i gotta go.
So see ya at school.
Is that your "king lear" essay? Dan has this amazing cordelia reference in one of his stories.
Oh, um, i was wondering, can i have a little bit more time? Uh, sure.
Hey.
Nathaniel, did we speak last night? No.
Why? What's up? I'm not sure, but i think last night may have been the greatest night of my life.
Really? What are you doing right now? I'm waiting for vanessa.
Why? Write down this address.
Blair.
If i'm correct, you completed your detention this morning.
Yes, ms.
Carr.
Signed and dated by the preservation society.
I hope the experience was educational.
I made friends with a family of squirrels and had lots of time to think.
Oh.
Henry david thoreau found nature inspiring as well.
I'll see you in class.
Girls, now that my days of community service are behind me, time for a takedown.
Hello? Do you need a refresher? I say.
You do.
To be honest, blair, none of us are that into I think we're gonna sit this one out.
Excuse me? B.
, why are you doing this? Queller will tell yale you're finished with detention, and it's over.
This is madness.
No! This is constance! Don't you see? If cornflower mary can come in here and tell us how to run things, then everything we've stood for, for all these years, is nothing.
This isn't about yale.
This is about our legacy.
What we do here today echoes through eternity.
Who's with me? Sorry, b.
This is your vendetta.
Students! Pay attention! What is this? New school policy there will be no cell phone usage during school hours.
Quiet, please.
Every morning before you enter the building, you will check your phones.
Is this a joke? I feel nauseous.
Somebody pinch me.
I'm in my own worst nightmare.
Who could be behind such pure evil? Well, well, well.
Now you with me? What do you want us to do? Every great leader knows you don't send your girls into the field unarmed.
If we know blair waldorf, munitions are on their way.
She's been like this for the past hour.
I think it's withdrawal.
She hasn't checked "gossip girl" in an hour and a half.
Is is a scandal still a scandal if you you can't text about it? That's very zen.
Did anyone see you? No, miss blair.
And you have what i asked for? Thank you, jesus.
No.
Thank you, blair.
And thank you, dorota.
Please, i need to check the dow.
Hey! Nelly yuki, get a grip! Girls these phones are our ammo.
I want you to dig deep and i mean deep into rachel's past.
We're gonna run that commie cornhusker straight out of constance.
Please tell me what we're doing here.
Yeah, and talk about the filthy rich w-what happened to you? Yesterday, i received an envelope.
Inside was a business card with an address, a date and a time on it.
No name.
I assumed it was some overly designed invitation to a business meeting.
When i arrived at the address, it was something different entirely.
A high-stakes poker game? Or an arms dealer auction? The ultimate private gentleman's club.
I walked through this door, and it was the chuck bass version of narnia? She was the most beautiful woman i've ever seen.
It's like she was waiting for me ready to serve knowing my every desire okay, we don't need details.
Sadly, i'm pretty sure that's as far as it went.
I woke up alone in a hotel room.
In a cruel twist of fate, i don't even remember her name.
Well, what exactly do you remember? Not a lot.
I'm hoping coming here will change that.
Between milking cows in des moines and teaching low income kids to read and write, ms.
Carr is clean as a whistle.
Seriously, she's the midwestern mother theresa.
Impossible, hazel.
Your methods of inquiry must be as tired as your hair.
We searched everywhere.
My fingers are raw.
When the truth fails you, you have no choice but to abandon it.
Make something up idiots.
With friends like these, who needs friends? Oh, i'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay? Yeah, no, i'm fine.
It's just a file folder.
It's not a brick wall.
I meant before that.
You didn't even notice me until you nearly knocked me over.
No, no, no.
No, i noticed you.
Uh, i was just actually thinking how much i like your sweater.
Thanks.
Not that i didn't like what you were wearing yesterday or that i even remember a-a yellow sweater and, uh, those shoe/boot things.
Dan? Yeah.
Breathe.
Right.
Oxygen it's good for the brain.
Uh, yeah, i ladies, you can give your tiny brains a rest.
Once again, the world has proven anything you can do, i can do better.
Sorry about that.
It's okay.
I'm sure you're on your way to class or it no, i'm just ms.
Carr and dan humphrey? Are they really? Who cares? But i have a friend in cyberspace who'll know just what to do.
X-o-x-o.
Oh, good job, man.
Way to go.
What? Yeah, dude.
Hey, this day is getting weirder by the minute.
Anything you want to tell me? Uh, besides i'm glad you're not wearing that raccoon makeup anymore? 'cause you looked like one of the incredibles.
Oh, thanks a lot.
And i thought i was the bad seed in the family.
What? Wha all right, what's going on? "Is is lonely boy giving a certain new teacher more than just an apple?" What does that mean, and and why is it written on your hand? 'cause nelly yuki wouldn't give me her contraband phone to show you myself.
I mean, this is just the headline.
The whole post would've gone all the way up my arm.
It was quite detailed about you and ms.
Carr and your forbidden love.
M-me and ms.
Carr? What? No.
That's absurd.
That is absurd.
Well, i'm not the one you need to convince.
I will see you later.
Dan, tell me this is not true.
Do you really need to ask? If there's something you need to say, then say it now.
No, there's not.
There's not, i swear.
I have no idea who sent that text or why.
Okay.
I'm sorry i doubted you.
Just things were so weird between us this morning, and then this i don't know.
I guess i was just confused.
Yeah, i'm right there with you.
Who why would someone want to do this? I mean, i thought everyone loved rachel.
Well, i do know someone who's not exactly her biggest fan.
Blair got trash duty in central park because of her.
If blair did this to rachel, this i mean, she's gone way too far.
So the ultimate gentlemen's club was here? Because this place reminds me of my aunt's house.
This was the place.
I knew it.
There were velvet curtains blocking this hallway.
There were women wearing masks, lying on a divan right where this piano is.
All right, listen, maybe you should get some rest.
It could help jog your memory.
Or warm ginger ale.
It's a miracle hangover cure.
This is her.
This is the woman.
Let me see.
No way.
The mom? This must be her house.
Well, there's only one way to find out.
The ladies' room? I knew you and serena were having problems.
I had no clue they were anatomical.
The only reason i'm trespassing on sacred ground is because i know you sent that rumor to "gossip girl.
" Sorry.
No idea what you're talking about.
You can go now.
Look, whatever issues you have with rachel, she cares about people.
She cares about her job.
Oh that is so sweet.
Maybe you should write a short story about it and have rachel give you notes naked.
I'm just all right, okay.
All right.
Hey.
I'm i'm sorry i didn't give this to you earlier.
I know it's silly, but the reason is, um, well, dan he's so confident in his writing that i i don't know.
I was just a little intimidated.
Dan's talented, but his confidence comes from a lifetime of encouragement and praise.
I'm guessing, for you, birthdays rarely meant new pens and a notebook to fill with your ideas.
Yeah, more like a chanel wallet and a credit card to get me out of the house.
Thank you.
Oh, my god, that's ms.
Carr.
It's like i have spinach in my teeth or something.
And i don't.
I even went to the bathroom to check.
Yeah, it's actually not spinach.
Um, it's a rumor a pretty ugly one about you and dan.
But i know it's not true.
A rumor about me and dan.
I've been at this school long enough to know what that means.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, well, don't worry.
I've been on "gossip girl" plenty of times, and for the worst things.
Some of them were true, some of them weren't.
But eventually, everyone forgets.
The best thing to do with these things is just nothing at all.
"Gossip girl"? Oh, yeah, it's, um, it's a web site where a girl posts gossip.
Well, at least we think it's a girl.
And where does she get her tips? Um, it's anonymous, so no one really knows.
But i gotta get to class.
Hey, rachel.
You got a minute? Yeah.
It is a great piece of property.
I'm surprised anyone would want to sell.
The husband finally caved, agreed to a greenwich commute.
Husband.
Mm-hmm.
The woman with the baby in the picture i just assumed the nanny.
I thought prospective buyers would like that photo.
The nanny.
Of course.
Look, there's some, uh, questions i'd like to ask the owners.
Nothing serious.
Noise, neighbors, that sort of thing.
I'll do my best to answer them, but i can't give out a client's personal information.
It's policy.
Of course.
I understand.
But i'm sure you know what the bass name means in real estate.
If you were to help me, maybe you'd allow me to extend the same professional courtesy to you in the future? Well, i could never do anything unprofessional.
But sometimes i do leave a file unattended when i go to get a drink.
There's some bottled water in the fridge.
Are you thirsty? Parched.
Hello? Yes, is this the philips residence? Yes.
I hope i'm not disturbing you.
I was wondering if i could speak with your nanny, please.
I'm sorry.
Elle's with the children at the park.
Can i take a message? Elle.
We met last night in manhattan.
I just wanted to thank her for a lovely evening.
That's impossible.
Elle was here in greenwich last night watching the children.
You're sure? Absolutely.
Could could i leave a message, please? Can you tell her chuck bass called? My number is 646 i was told you wanted to see me, headmistress queller? Miss waldorf, please have a seat.
This school has been aware of the "gossip girl" web site for some time.
Up until now, the content has focused on the students.
The students haven't complained, so we've turned a blind eye.
However, now that a teacher has become involved, i have no choice but to deal with it.
I'm sorry.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Blair.
I know you posted the rumor about me.
Whatever rumor you're talking about, i had nothing to do with it.
I find this accusation preposterous.
Ms.
Temmel, would you please send the student in? Thank you.
Someone came forward and identified you as the source.
Let me guess dan humphrey? This information was then confirmed by a witness.
If i don't go ivy league, my dad will kill me.
It was my record or yours.
We tried to tell you something like this would happen, but you just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry, blair.
Blair, your actions threatened the reputation of the entire teaching staff and this school.
You give me no choice but to ask you to leave constance billard.
You're expelling me? Headmistress queller is standing firm on the expulsion.
Yale will revoke my acceptance as soon as they receive word.
This is my darkest hour.
Blair, if you started that rumor about dan humphrey and the teacher, she has a legitimate case for slander.
I need to know.
Did you? I might've posted something on "gossip girl.
" All the girls do it.
It's how we communicate.
But anything i wrote was the truth.
I didn't lie.
I promise, daddy.
All right.
Then you should've been honest with the headmistress about that.
But the real issue here is not teenagers gossiping online.
It's not? No, it's that a teacher is having an inappropriate relationship with a student.
I'm going to contact my lawyers.
We're gonna fight this.
Fight it? Oh, i don't you will not be punished for telling the truth.
Thank you, daddy.
So you ratted on blair? You templeton.
A "charlotte's web"-sult? That's very cute.
And, no, technically, i did not rat on blair.
I just told rachel to put the squeeze on the weakest of her kilted cronies.
And what does serena think of you getting her best friend expelled? The moment blair involves me in her schemes, the "boyfriend of the b.
f.
f.
" Clause is officially null and void.
So she brought it on herself.
The alleged online slander incident? What? You, um you heard about the rumor? You gave it a name? Well, the parents' council called an emergency meeting tonight.
Apparently, my son is the object of the slander, assuming that it is slander you and ms.
Carr.
A package for vanessa abrams.
Saved by the bell.
Dan, if i'm gonna walk into a room full of fired-up parents, i need to know.
Is there something we need to talk about? I'm gonna go file this.
No, there's no, there's nothing to talk about.
My tea is getting cold.
Hey, thanks for meeting me.
I brought these to keep us warm.
Oh, thanks.
After everything that's gone on this week, i feel safer meeting outside.
We can talk freely.
I swept the perimeter for bugs.
Ms.
Carr, i understand that you're upset with blair.
What she did was wrong.
But does her punishment have to be expulsion? It means she'll lose yale.
Do you think this is a step i wanted to take? I feel terrible, but blair posted a rumor that threatened to destroy my career, my future.
And getting expelled destroys blaire's future.
Please just talk to headmistress queller and ask her to reconsider.
"Gossip girl" is just a stupid web site.
How can you say that, when its sole purpose is to allow people to post terrible things about each other? I'm not defending "gossip girl.
" I'm defending my best friend.
Believe me, serena, i'm sorry this all happened.
But i have to go.
I have an appointment before the parents' meeting.
I do hope we can still be friends.
Hello? Hey.
Hey, i-i really thought that rachel would come around, but i'm sorry, b.
Dorota.
Blair? Blair? Give handsome to a homeless man.
Make sure he has kind eyes.
I'm not going to yale.
I don't deserve you.
Okay, i'm back.
Just hang in there, okay? We'll figure something out.
I can't believe we're all here on a saturday night.
That's a lot of canceled restaurant reservations.
Well, you expel one yale-bound senior, it gets people's attention.
Harold, how are you? Lily.
Mwah.
I'm hoping that i can count on your support tonight.
Blair is being horribly scapegoated.
I thought the meeting was to discuss the school's new online honor codes.
Yes, well, i'm crashing it to advocate for my daughter.
Harold waldorf.
Well, i'm here to make sure no other students are slandered the way my son was by your daughter.
Rufus humphrey.
Okay, we'll see you inside, harold.
Nathaniel.
Hey, what's going on? Now you're not still thinking about that girl, are you? Her name is elle.
And if you must know, i'm late for my chiropractor.
She's double-jointed.
Makes the "kama sutra" feel new again.
Nice to see you're moving on.
Call me tomorrow, all right? I just wanted to thank you for yesterday.
I don't have any friends in the city, and telling me about blair, you really acted like one.
Oh, anytime.
And, you know, if you ever need a-a character witness to vouch for how fantastic you are, uh, i'm your guy.
That's sweet.
Thank you.
A character witness.
Do you know it may have come to that? I'm sorry.
I didn't i didn't mean to upset you.
No, i'm sorry.
I'm overwhelmed.
And this rumor is just so insulting.
An affair with a student? Me and you? I would n-never do that.
Never? W-wow, that's definitive.
Please, don't take it personally.
I mean no, no.
If you were older or not a student at the brother school.
You can call me in five years.
Here.
Here.
Uh, dan no, i'm i'm sorry.
I just no, i i know.
Um, it's not appropriate.
Uh, i'm late.
Spotted lonely boy going from teacher's pet to persona non grata in the pitter-patter of a heartbeat.
That invitation wasn't for you.
You were never supposed to be at that party.
What do you remember? All i remember is you.
That's not what i was referring to.
I can't remember anything else.
Why don't you fill me in? I wasn't at that party to meet you.
I was there for another man.
Who? Your father.
My father? My father is i know that now.
I took over a girl's client list.
I sent the invitation without realizing.
When you told me your name was chuck, i realized that i had the wrong mr.
Bass.
I had to get you out of there.
I had to make sure that you didn't remember anything that you saw.
The drink so you drugged me and then snuck back to connecticut? What matters is that i left you at that hotel to keep you safe.
Safe from what? Hey, look the whole "eyes wide shut" mystery has been fun.
But if my father was part of this group, i have a right to know who they are.
Turn on cnn.
Walk down wall street.
Go to washington.
That's who they are.
And if they find out that i let an outsider in lose the card, the stamp on your arm will fade, and stop asking questions.
Stop looking.
I'll protect you.
How? Your own father was one of them, and you didn't even know it.
Don't contact me again.
A courier delivered this to me this morning.
Do i need a password? The password is newport.
Mm.
'cause that's where my mom is tonight.
Mm.
Turns out i can still apply to oberlin.
The face, serena.
Try to pretend it's not totally tragic.
You were right about dan and rachel.
Seriously? I must've picked up on something.
We need proof.
You have proof? Give it to me.
Dan said that nothing was going on, so i should probably just talk to him first.
And give him another opportunity to lie to you? How awful.
I'm so sorry, s.
But this is the smoking gun i've been waiting for.
Blair.
We have to get to that meeting.
- dorota! - yes, miss blair.
Go get my dog back! Come on.
This is a freedom of speech issue.
The school cannot control what our children write on a public site.
What your daughter posted was slander.
She should be held accountable.
If slander's the issue, we can seek an injunction against "gossip girl.
" Shut the site down.
Shut it down? Yes, and a hundred others will pop up in its place.
This isn't some note on the bathroom wall, lil.
It's on the internet that dan slept with a teacher.
That's wrong.
I agree.
But should blair lose yale over this? It's her whole future, rufus.
Well, what about dan's future? How long is this gonna follow him? Miss waldorf, this meeting is closed to students.
I'm sorry for the interruption.
But i have something i think almost everyone here would want to see.
Headmistress, if you'd like to check your e-mail i believe it's called exculpatory evidence.
I love "damages.
" Hey.
I'm here.
What's going on? If you wanted to break up with me, you could've just said so.
I trusted you, and you lied to me both of you.
Whoa.
Wh-what? No, i saw you and rachel in the coffee shop.
Well, yeah, rachel was upset, and i comforted her.
I probably shouldn't have, because she pulled away, but wait.
Y-you didn't kiss her? No, no, no, i didn't kiss her.
Why would you think that? Because it looked like oh, god.
I i took a photo and then i left, because i didn't want to see anymore.
Wait a minute.
Oh, my god.
Okay, uh, well, y-you can't show this to anyone.
I gave it to blair.
Sh-she's in there with queller and the parents and and rachel, too.
Dad.
Dad, it's not true.
Dan, you and i will talk at home.
They fired me.
I'm back in.
I saved myself and "gossip girl.
" You used this photo of rachel and me to back up a rumor that is nothing more than a vengeful lie.
So? Blair, unh-unh.
You say "lie.
" I say "eerily prophetic.
" Blair? Daddy.
I was going to congratulate you.
The driver will take you home.
I need some fresh air.
Daddy, please.
Look, i get why blair went after rachel, but why why you? Well, i felt like a fool.
I thought you lied to me.
Well, i told you nothing was going on.
I know.
So why were you so ready to believe the worst? Honestly i think part of me wanted to.
Dan we keep trying to act like we can overcome anything.
Yeah, pretending that none of it mattered.
Our parents dating, sharing a brother i mean, different colleges next year, it's wow.
It's over, isn't it? Well, we had to try.
Yeah.
Sometimes the only thing left to do is to wrap your arms around each other one last time and then just let go.
Lily told me about you and serena.
Are you okay? I'm i'm okay about serena.
What happened in the meeting? Well, once the parents saw the photo of you and ms.
Carr, her fate was pretty much sealed.
Rachel didn't do anything.
No, i-i'm the one who screwed up.
Look, i believe the two of you weren't having an affair.
But meeting a student, one she didn't even teach, off-hours, after school you voted to fire her, didn't you? You just got into yale.
I was protecting your future.
By firing someone that didn't do anything wrong? You know, you talk about these park avenue parents who shield their kids from punishment.
Well, i should be punished, not her.
It's over, dan.
Let it go.
You left this at the park.
That's why i went to the coffee shop yesterday.
The coffee shop? I'm the one that took the photo and gave it to blair.
You're the only teacher that's ever expressed any interest in me, and i've completely ruined it.
Your essay.
I read it last night.
It was wonderful, filled with nuanced observations about the world around you.
Huh.
There's some unexpected irony.
Rachel, i'm really sorry.
Serena i think you should go.
You'll frolic in the vineyards, play boules with old men.
Roman got you a chanel beret.
Do you really have to take him with you? Well, how was i to know when i asked your mother if we could get you a bulldog that she assumed we meant a stuffed animal? Blair i'm worried about you.
Why? I'm back at constance.
I got into yale.
Everything's perfect again.
I saw a different side of you last night, and i'm disappointed.
But, daddy, i was right.
No, you were lucky.
And you allowed me to defend a lie a lie that you looked me in the eyes and told.
Why did you do that? Yale was on the line.
I have to go there, like you.
It's our plan.
Sweetheart, what matters most to me is not which college you go to.
It's what kind of a person you grow up to be.
Why don't i take you and handsome to the airport? Dorota can make a picnic, and we eat it in the car.
No.
I think we should just say good-bye now.
I'll call you as soon as i land.
We both have a lot to think about.
They say every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
And once something is set in motion, it can't help but build momentum.
Father, what were you involved in? Elle? No, it's alan philips.
Elle called us from grand central last night, but she never got off the train in greenwich.
Have you heard from her? Um, no.
Uh, but i'll let you know if i do.
We're very worried.
I'd appreciate it.
Uh, what are you doing here? I, uh, i came to apologize.
That rumor would've gone away.
But but that hug was just totally stupid and and and wildly inappropriate, and i don't know what came over me.
"With a heavy heart rachel, what are you doing? I don't teach at constance anymore.
What about her conduct? The photograph? The board of directors is concerned we don't have sufficient evidence.
And dan himself said there was nothing going on between them.
Ms.
Carr could sue the school for wrongful termination, and no one wants that kind of publicity.
So what does this mean? Ms.
Carr will be able to resume her duties and see out the semester.
I know a few parents won't be happy, but they have to understand it's for the greater good.
A scandal would hurt everyone.
I'm going to notify ms.
Carr right now.
I thought as head of the parents' council, you'd like to know.
Hey, dan, it's me.
I went to rachel to apologize, but i'm not sure it did any good.
I'm really sorry about everything.
I guess i'll just see you at school tomorrow.
And maybe we can forget this whole rachel thing ever happened.
One thing is certain on the upper east side what goes around, comes around.
X.
o.
x.
o.
, gossip girl.