iCarly s02e17 Episode Script

Hey, I'm the sweet brunette.
And I'm the dirty blonde.
And this be iCarly.
Okay.
A fan of iCarly Wrote to us right here at iCarly.
com And said this: "So I asked my parents for a new game station, "but all they got me were two wireless controllers.
"How can I play a game "if all I got was two controllers?" Well, Robert, first of all, let me just say that your parents are the worst.
They're bad people.
But the good news is If you have two controllers You can still play some pretty rockin' video games.
Even without a game station.
Let's show Robert how.
Well, okay.
Now, as you can see Sam and I have two wireless controllers.
We may not have a game station to go with them But we do have A vicious army of raw eggs.
So vicious.
They make me want to eat them.
Yes.
Look at them.
Look at them.
Controllers ready.
Begin! Oh.
Yeah! Gotcha! Get that one! Look out! Bam! Game over.
Whoa.
Yeah.
That sound means it's time for Messin' with Lewbert.
Woo! That's right! It is.
Oh, yeah.
Now, you all know the nasty doorman in my building.
Lewbert.
Well, last weekend, my brother Spencer built us a fake soda machine.
And yesterday, we put it in the hallway outside Carly's apartment.
Freddie, show them what happened.
Showin' them.
What the--soda machine.
Hey, who put this soda machine here without my permission, huh? And now it's time for a little surprise.
Come on.
I want my diet root beer.
In five, four, three, two I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and a time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give your best So, you ready to hear my brilliant idea for iCarly? What? Bikini dog food fight.
What's a bikini dog food fight? We get Gibby and some other guy, make 'em put on bikinis and fight with dog food.
That's humiliating and gross.
I know.
Hey, Gibson.
Over here.
Front and center.
Whassup? Run, Gibby.
What's gonna happen? Listen, I have a vision.
A vision of what? You and some other loser Wearing bikinis FightingWith dog food.
Gibby! No.
I don't want-- get back here! No.
I don't wanna wear a bikini and fight some other loser with dog food.
Why not? I have some dignity.
Since when? No.
Come on.
No.
Just try this on.
I'm not gonna try it on.
Leave me alone, Sam.
Give me the bikini, Sam.
What's going on? Hey.
What you doin'? Hey.
Hi.
You guys ever watch Totally Teri on the Dingo channel? No.
Gross.
What? 'Cause last night my little brother was watching it and they ripped off one of your iCarly bits.
What did they do? One of the stars of the show hit a button and you heard "random jumping" and then music played, lights flashed, and they jumped all around.
Dude, that's exactly the same as random dancing.
That's what I'm sayin'.
They ripped off iCarly.
You guys should do something about it.
Yup.
You should.
Can you believe this? We don't know they stole from us.
Maybe it was just a coincidence.
Oh, come on.
We've been doing random dancing on iCarly for two years, now some show on the Dingo channel starts doing random jumping and you think that's a coincidence? I don't know.
Maybe there was similar, you know Okay.
No fighting, no dog food, but I will wear the bikini top.
I know.
I'll wear a wig, and that way, Devon will never know it's me.
That's a brilliant idea.
And by brilliant, I mean ridiculous.
Burn.
Hey, whatchoo guys watchin'? The Dingo channel.
Some hideous show called Totally Teri.
I hate all those shows on the Dingo channel.
The jokes are so stupid, and they always make the grown-ups look like buffoons.
You forgot to put your pants on again.
Oh, my God.
Man, there's not one restaurant in Seattle that delivers fried chicken.
Pay attention.
Let's watch the show.
So, why are you guys watching that anyway? 'Cause some kids at school told us the show Totally Teri has been copying stuff we do on iCarly.
Wouldn't surprise me.
Dingo channel is run by freaks.
What do you mean? Well, you know the guy who started it, like 60 years ago? Charles Dingo? Yeah.
I heard that when he died of some rare disease, they froze his head and they've kept it in a special freezer to this day.
Why would they wanna keep Charles Dingo's head in a freezer? So that in the future, when they find a cure, they can unfreeze it and re-attach it to a robot body.
And I read online that they keep the frozen head somewhere deep in the bowels of Dingo studios.
Okay, first, there's no way that's true, and second, I can't believe you said bowels and please never say it again.
You're such a priss.
The prissiest.
Now, shhh, it's back on.
What are you doing? Playing a joke on my doorman, Rupert.
His doorman Rupert? Uh, that sounds a lot like Lewbert.
Yeah.
Ewww, look at that wart on Rupert's face.
Hey, there's a wart on Rupert's face.
Yeah, just like Lewbert's.
Just not as plump.
Well, yeah, but still.
Now, watch what happens when Rupert tries to buy something outta that snack machine.
Two hands just popped outta that snack machine.
Yeah, where have we seen that before? They ripped off iCarly.
No chiz.
You guys watchin'? Yeah.
They stole "messin' with Lewbert.
" And random dancing.
Those Dingo people are dead.
What are we gonna do? We're gonna go find 'em and kick them in their dingos.
Dingo studios is in Hollywood.
Which is like 900 miles from here.
Okay, look, I think it's really jank that they're rippin' off iCarly, but I can't just drop everything and drive you guys 900 miles to Dingo studios.
When we get there, maybe you could find the head of Charles Dingo.
The frozen head.
We leave at midnight.
All right, here you go.
There's your beds, your bathroom.
What's that? Uh, just some tape.
Hey, you said this room had a great view of Hollywood.
It does.
Hey, Hollywood, wake up.
That's Hollywood right there.
Bye.
Could I borrow some underwear? No.
Close it.
Close it.
Close it.
Close it.
Close it.
What? This is the nice hotel your mom recommended? This is where she stays when she comes to town.
Why? The plastic surgeon works out of room 210.
All right, whatever.
Let's just figure out how we're gonna get into Dingo studios.
I got that covered.
I went online and found a photo of a Dingo I.
D.
Badge and I made laminated copies with our pictures for us.
One for Carly, Spencer and Sam.
Cool.
Nice work, Fredley.
And I found this online tour of the main Dingo building.
The Totally Teri writers' room is on the third floor, West Side.
Perfect.
We'll use these to get inside And then we can find those brain-dead writers and start smackin' 'em around for rippin' off iCarly.
Hey, hey, does that online tour of Dingo show how to get to the basement? Yeah, why? You gonna do a little frozen head huntin'? A little frozen head findin'.
I told you guys, I looked it up and I found three different articles where the vice president of the studio said that story about Charles Dingo's frozen head isn't true.
Of course, they say that.
They wanna keep it a secret.
'Cause how would it look if people found out that a kids' network has their leader's head stuck in a freezer? I hear the head is somewhere deep in the bowels of the main Dingo building.
The bowels? See, I said it was in the bowels too.
Okay, next person who says bowels sleeps in the bathtub.
Bowels.
I got the bathtub.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Here it is.
Oh, cool.
Okay, you guys go in there and confront the Totally Teri writers.
I'm gonna go find Charles Dingo's frozen head.
Wait, maybe Freddie should go with you.
No, I wanna watch Sam beat up TV writers.
Carly and I got this.
Besides, they ripped off our ideas, not yours.
I'm a big part of iCarly too.
Yeah, well, I've never heard Totally Teri say, "in five, four, three, two, one.
" You don't say the one.
Come on.
I gotta go find Charles Dingo's frozen head.
Please go with him.
Okay.
Be careful.
You too.
Okay.
Let's shake 'em up.
What is that? A sock full of butter.
For what? For swingin'.
I could brain an elephant with this thing.
We're not gonna walk in there and start hitting TV writers with a big buttery sock.
We're gonna be professional and firm.
Fine.
But if they deny stealing from iCarly, I'm gonna get swingy with this thing.
Not unless I say it's okay.
Hello.
You guys are the writers for Totally Teri? Yeah.
What do you want? We're from iCarly.
They know that.
Who do you clowns think you are, stealin' our ideas? Whoa.
We've never stolen an idea from anyone, so why don't you two little girls just-- Sam.
You're not supposed to get swingy unless I say it's okay.
Hey, what's in that sock? Payback.
For what? For stealing our comedy bits.
Look, we've never even heard of your Web show.
Oh, you haven't? No.
Hey.
Here's a flash drive with the segments from the last two iCarlys you wanted.
Whoa, it's the iCarly girls.
Man, we all love your Web show.
May I get swingy? Yes.
Just what do you girls want? We want you to stop stealing ideas from iCarly and using them on Totally Teri.
Yeah, why don't you nubs come up with your own comedy ideas? Because coming up with ideas is hard.
Anyway, we do come up with our own ideas.
It was my idea to steal from iCarly.
That was my idea.
Whoa, wait.
I'm the one who showed you guys iCarly.
com in the first place.
Hey.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
We don't care which one of you fudge bags thought of stealing our ideas.
We just want it to stop.
All right, well, which bits do you think we stole? Random dancing? No.
We did random jumping.
Which is completely different.
Look, for two years on iCarly, we've been doing random dancing.
Random debates.
Random pants.
Oh, and what about "messin' with Lewbert"? Which you punk-nuts ripped off and called "messin' with Rupert".
You can't just steal our ideas, change 'em a little bit, then pretend they're yours.
You said we could.
Shut up.
Anyway, just because we do some things on Totally Teri that are similar to the stuff you do on iCarly doesn't mean we're stealing.
Then how do you explain these cards on the wall under a sign that says "ideas we can steal from iCarly"? I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
We're not goin' anywhere till you men swear to quit rippin' us off.
We don't have to swear anything.
Then we'll Sue you guys.
Uh, this is the Dingo channel.
So, we have the lawyers, the money, and therefore, the power to steal any ideas we want.
And there's nothing you can do about it.
Now, do you ladies wanna walk out of here or do you wanna be carried out? Let's go.
Wait.
What? I'd kinda like to be carried out.
Sam? Well, I don't like walking long distances.
Come on, let's go, come on.
I don't.
There is too much effort, really.
Are you guys writing down what we're saying? Yeah, you guys are hilarious.
Now keep talkin'.
This is gold.
They're stealing our banter right in front of us.
Let's get out of here.
No, you just come with me, young man.
You're in serious trouble.
Hey, hey.
You're not supposed to be down here.
Excuse me, but I work in this building, and I just caught this boy lurking here in the bowels of Dingo.
Look, nobody's supposed to be down on this floor.
Exactly.
So why didn't you stop this teenager from being here? Well, I-- I didn't know he was-- you didn't know.
Isn't it your job to know what's happening in these hallways? Yeah, sure, but I-- I guess I'll have to speak to Mr.
Fufferman about this.
Who's Mr.
Fufferman? Man, what else don't you know? I-- dismissed.
Go.
Okay, okay.
Wait.
I'll need your keys.
Why? For Mr.
Fufferman.
All right, here.
Here.
Nice.
Thanks.
Whoa, check it out.
Charles Dingo's head is in there.
You don't know that.
What else would you keep in a cryogenic freezer like that? Cryogenic frozen pizzas? You're afraid to see the head.
I am not.
Good.
I'm goin' in.
What do you see? Nothing.
Hold on.
There's a shelf here.
Wait, what's this? What? Head, the head.
Saw the head.
You did not.
I did too.
It was in a weird, futuristic head container.
Come on.
Okay, you go in there and tell me that's not the head of Charles Dingo-- unless you're scared.
Just wait here.
Okay, the only thing I see in here is-- It's the head.
It's the head, right? It's the head.
The head.
Yes, the head.
I can't believe we found the head.
I swear it blinked at me.
Would you guys quit talkin' about the stupid frozen head? Don't you guys care that those Dingo writers are gonna keep ripping off iCarly and there's nothing we can do about it.
They probably even-- What? A mouse just ran across my foot.
See, he's right over there.
That's not a mouse.
That's a rat.
This motel is disgusting.
>>H, you're such a bunch of prancies.
Come on.
These pillows aren't even pillows.
They're just pillow cases filled with crumpled up old newspapers.
And this lamp doesn't even have a light bulb.
Just a potato.
I'm gonna go wash my hands.
Hey, you.
Hobo in our bathtub.
Ow.
Scram.
Scram.
Scram.
Scram.
Scram.
Scram.
Let's just go home.
And let those Dingo writers keep stealin' our bits and using 'em on Totally Teri? Well, what are we gonna do? They're the Dingo channel.
They've got money and lawyers and all we've got is Sam's butter sock.
We've got the key to the head.
Oh, no.
The head.
The head.
Move.
Move.
Hey.
I was in the middle of my solo.
How'd they get back in here? Glenn, call security.
Sit down, Glenn! Now, I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Are you gonna stop stealing ideas from iCarly and using them on your dumb Dingo show? Hey, I got it.
What if we do an episode where someone steals Teri's ideas, and then she and her friends-- stop that! You guys are the worst.
We told you.
You can't stop us from doing whatever we want.
Can't we? Spencer.
What's he got there? Oh, you know, just the Frozen head of Charles Dingo.
Hey, no one's supposed to know about the head.
How did you get it? You don't need to know.
All you need to do is swear on video that you'll never steal an idea from iCarly, ever again.
And what if we don't swear? Then we'll show Charles Dingo's head on iCarly.
And tell the whole world that the Totally Teri writers gave it to us.
And what if we call security and have 'em take the head away from you? Then we'll just show the high-rez pics of the head we already took.
How high-rez? Oh my God.
That's very high-rez.
And we'll be sure to thank the Totally Teri writers for e-mailing the pics to us.
We don't care.
We'll get fired.
Don't tell them that.
Just promise u'er steal ideas from iCarly again and you can have your leader's head back.
And we'll never say a word about this.
Better hurry, I think Mr.
Dingo's melting.
We swear we'll never steal ideas from iCarly ever again.
Good.
Give 'em the head.
Wait.
Wait.
What? You clowns aren't gettin' off the hook so easy.
Sam.
What else do you want? And next on iCarly it's time for Bikini dog food fights.
Ready, Dingo boys? Set go.
Go.