Kickin' It (2011) s02e17 Episode Script

Phil's new garlic falafel balls are disgusting.
Surprising, considering the cook is a goat.
Yeah, I know.
These are awful.
Then why do you keep eating them? Mm.
Because now I can do this It's gross, but you gotta admit, the man's an artist.
So Kim, are you coming to see the movie with us tomorrow? - It's playing here in the Mall.
- What movie? Only the best monster movie ever made.
"Attack of the Killer Zompires"! - They're half-Zombie - Half-Vampire.
And all-lame.
If you guys wanna see a good movie, go see "The Horse Tamer".
It's a romantic story about a muscular 19-year-old boy, who sells his last shirt to save a crippled horse.
Just hearing those words makes me feel like less of a man.
Kim, come on, see Zompires with us.
It'll be fun.
I don't know.
Come on, we should go together.
Together? Well.
Okay, I'm in.
Cool.
Hey, guys.
You know what my new Explorer Scout patch means? You crossed the street by yourself.
- You threw out your nightlight? - You peed in the woods? No, no and that's none of your business.
What is means is I'm leader of my troop.
- Aren't you the only one in your - Leader of my troop! My Scout Master says I'm brave, bold and fearless.
Great! So you're coming to see "Zompires" with us? Are you nuts?! I looked at the commercial for that thing and I spent two days hiding in my mother's hamper.
Yo, Eddie.
Check this out.
Uh-oh.
Oh, it's going the wrong way.
Uh-oh.
No no no no no no! Yo, Phil Phil! I need the key! - Key to the bathroom now! - Oh oh, okay.
Let's see, uh This one? No, that's not the one.
This oh, this is the key to my diary.
But, uh whoa! I guess he really had to go-o-o! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
We've known each other for a while now and I feel a spark between us.
And when I look into your eyes, I can tell you feel the exact same Way.
- Not buying it.
- Aw! When you say "spark between us," you gotta be breathy.
"Spark between us".
Ooh.
That's good.
Do that again.
No.
Why are so nervous about asking Katie out anyway? Dude, I've had a crush on her since we finger painted in kindergarten.
I was using blue.
She was using yellow.
Together we made green, Jack.
Green! Dude, there she is! Go ask her.
Come on.
Go go.
Uh uh, Katie.
I wanna know if you wanna go to the Zompire movie with me.
Are you seriously asking her out? Okay.
Here's the deal.
She'll go out with you, if Jack will go with me.
Yes yes yes yes! That'll happen.
Uh, so So, see ya tonight.
Dude, she said yes! I'm going to the movies with her tonight.
I finally finished my science fair project.
It's a light refractometer.
By using a series of convex mirrors, I'm able to intensify a single beam of light.
What's your project? Grew a bean in a cup.
Kim.
Lindsay.
Whoa-ho! No! My light refractometer! It's ruined! It's gonna take me all night to build another one.
You want a bean? - You! - I have a date! Not the face! Not the face! Uh, Eddie? What are you doing here? I thought you were too scared to see this movie.
Now that I'm Scout Leader, I'm going to show people my bravery.
Now there's time to get something to eat What's that? A cartoon dancing hotdog telling you the snack bar is open.
Well, joke's on them.
That terrifying wiener made me lose my appetite.
Kim.
Lindsay.
- You a Zompire fan? - Not really.
I'm here on a date.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You probably don't know what that is.
Actually, I'm on a date too.
Oh.
And here's my date now.
Hi, Jack.
Wha you're here on a date with Jack?! - Yes, I am! - I'm here with who now? Come on, Jack.
I saved us seats.
Uh, buh-bye, Kim.
Whoa, you're here on a date with Lindsay? Uh, no no.
I I'm not.
Jerry, what is going on? No hablo ingles, señor.
Jerry! Dude, it was the only way that I would get Katie to go out with me.
You gotta do this for me, man.
Please.
Fine.
- Kim, would you be okay if I sat with - Of course! Yeah.
Apparently Lindsay's your date.
Why wouldn't you sit with your date? And since you and I aren't on a date, I'll go sit with Eddie! - You didn't save me a seat? - Why should I? It's not like we're on a date.
Are we? Uh, hi.
Excuse me, Sir.
Is that seat Rudy?! What are you doing?! Getting the senior discount.
Now sit down before you blow my cover.
Hey, just so you know.
I go to the little boys' room between 30 and 40 times an hour.
Oh, seriously?! Who is the jerk?! First time at the movies? Ha ha, am I right? Am oh, that's me, isn't it? Oh, boy! Trying to get another senior discount, are we, Rudy? Well, you may have dodged me at the early bird buffet, but I gotcha now! I'm not Rudy.
I'm Sammy! Yeah, and I'm Queen of the Zompires.
Dancing wieners.
Seriously? They just left me here? Nice friends.
Jack? Rudy? Anybody? Jerry? What happened? What's going on around here? What it do Girl? Hey, Zompire! Hey! Over here, pasty face.
It's falafel time.
Hoo-ah! Right between the fangs! Jack, you all right? How do you know my name? Hey, that was my last falafel ball.
It's only gonna slow him down for a few minutes.
We should get back in the rebel base.
I'm not going anywhere until someone tells me what's going on.
Or you know, we can go inside first.
I'm flexible.
What is going on?! I'll tell you what's going on.
We're at war with the Zompires.
When they first came we thought there was one or two Or three or four, five Rudy! There were thousands of 'em.
They came crawling up from the sewers below Seaford.
I was on the toilet when one came up.
The multiplied by burping into humans' faces.
And the worst part, they never say "excuse me".
- Where did you go? - Jack sent me to get supplies.
Fresh water, batteries.
Hair spray.
The end of the world doesn't have to mean the end of my beautiful bouncy hair.
I'm Lindsay, Jack's girlfriend.
Who are you? I really hate this world.
Her name's Kim.
We found her wandering outside and had to use our last falafel ball to save her.
You wasted our last ball on her?! I don't trust her.
Give her the test.
There's only one person that can give her The test.
I'll summon the rebel leader.
Rebel leader! Can we trust you? Um.
Yeah.
She passed.
Hey, you play softball? We really need a first baseman.
It's from the Professor! He wants us to come to his secret lab.
He's found a way to turn Zompires back into humans.
This means we'll have something we haven't had in a while.
Toilet paper? No.
Hope.
Let me know when you get toilet paper.
Welcome, Rebels, to my secret lab.
Thank you for removing your shoes.
I give you mankind's salvation.
The Krupnick coil! This super powerful refractometer emits a light so intense, it pierces the Zompire's inner darkness Turning them back into humans.
Yeah.
Not gonna happen.
- Oopsie.
- You fiend! He just destroyed our only chance of survival against the most evil force man has ever known.
And he didn't take off his shoes.
How did you find the Professor's secret underground lab? Why don't you ask your girlfriend? I did it.
For us.
I made a deal, Jack.
The Zompires'll spare us.
You and I can be together.
Yeah about that deal.
I lied.
I'm gonna go on record and say she may be the worst girlfriend ever.
Sir, it has been an honor to serve with you.
One last request, rebel leader.
Permission to cry like a little girl.
Permission granted.
- Jack, what are you doing? - Getting us out of here.
Can't resist Urge to Dance! Zompires, let's do this thing.
Really, Zompire Jerry? Really? How did you know that music would make Jerry dance? Well, before he was a Zompire, Jerry was one of us.
Music was his weakness.
And girls.
And math.
And tying shoelaces.
He had a lot of weaknesses.
The only thing left of my refractometer is this crystal diode, wrapped up in this wad of toilet paper.
I'll take the toilet paper.
See you people in about a week.
Is there anything we can do with the crystal diode? Well, there is one prototype coil.
But it's in the darkest, scariest, most evil place on Earth.
The snake cave on the edge of town that goes down to the bowels of the underworld? Worse.
School! We're going to the Zompires' lair.
The school.
That place is scarier than the snake caves on the edge of town that reach into the bowels of the underworld.
That's why we need all the falafel balls you got.
Happy to help.
$500! - Each! - But we're trying to save humanity! Oh, why didn't you say so? $1000! Each! Don't you care about saving the world? No, not really.
The Zompire apocalypse has been great for the business.
No falafel ball for you! Get out! Tootsie.
What's wrong? Something seems different about you? Is it my demonic red eyes? My mouth full of fangs? The fact that I'm talking to you right now? What was the first one again? I'm a Zompire goat, you dimwit! Yes, that's it! That's the one! - Look out! - No! Tootsie! Eddie! Not my Tootsie! You really think this is going to work, Jack? Yes.
They won't be awake for hours and if they do wake up, this makeup will help us blend in.
I'm sorry for yelling at you to do my makeup, Kim.
But as the new rebel leader, it wouldn't look right if I had to do my own.
No, I get it.
Happy to help.
If it's here, the coil will be in the multipurpose room with the other science fair projects.
Guys, we have to be quiet.
Nobody make any loud noises.
Seriously? Who's the jerk? First time in an evil Zompire's Oh, wait.
That's me.
Sorry.
That's just poor planning.
Oh, no.
You woke up Joan! Queen of the Zompires.
Oh Lookee what we have here.
A cute little panda boy and his friends.
I'm not a panda.
Kim, why does she think I'm a panda? Oh, you panda'd me, didn't you? A little bit.
How dare you dress up and sneak into my lair? Pandas.
- Phil, cover us! - Okay, Jack.
I'll hold them back.
Ah, is that all you got, Zompires?! You think you're all that? You're not so tough, huh?! Whoa! Okay, I didn't see that coming.
Wait wait.
I was just kidding.
Go back to bed.
Back to bed.
Nighty night.
Please stop and sleep tight.
The coil has to be around here somewhere.
Look.
Some loser grew a bean in a cup.
Here's the coil! I just need time to install the crystal diode, and it'll work.
I don't think that's gonna happen.
Jack! Kim! Stop him! Kim, falafel ball! Oh no! I hate school bathrooms.
Kim, we did it.
We did it! Jack, behind you! It's your crazy Zompire ex-girlfriend! No! - Jack? - Kim.
Get away from me.
How are we coming with that coil? The diode's in place.
I just need to turn it Little bump in the road.
What are you doing? Don't turn her, Jack.
You are supposed to be spending the rest of eternity with me.
I've literally been a Zompire for 10 seconds and you're already smothering me.
You just wanna burp on her because you like her, I knew it! Admit it! Oh, so this is how it's gonna be for all eternity.
- My mother warned me about - Let it go! - Boys like you! - Woman! Shh! Shh! - Stop! Just shh! - You guys need to lighten up.
- You okay? - You did it.
You saved me.
I was not gonna let you spend eternity with her.
You belong with me.
You belong with me.
You belong with me.
Not gonna happen, cookie.
I've been with the same woman since before electricity.
It was all just a dream.
Let's go.
I had so much fun with you.
Wanna go grab some fro-yo? I'd love to I I just I have to help Kim with her, um Science project! I'm growing a bean.
I have to help her grow a bean.
Buh-bye, Lindsay.
Oh, thank you so much for the save.
Sitting next to her was like sitting next to a Zombie.
- So did you like the movie? - Couldn't have hated it more.
But I like the way it ended.
I didn't really like the ending.
The way the Zombie and the Vampire I'm never going to a PG movie again.
Maybe your back legs don't work so well, but I used my bicycle to make you some braces.
Oh, yeah! There you go! There you go, boy.
Now run! Ha! This may be the worst movie I've ever seen.
But I'm glad I'm here with you.
Yeah, me too.
This is the best movie I've ever seen.
Run like the wind, Juniper.
Like the wind!