Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s02e17 Episode Script

I think I've got this entire menu memorized.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
Ahem! Let's see.
- Goat curry.
- 6.
50.
- Hmm.
Not bad.
Goat stew.
- 6.
75.
- Oh, two for two.
Uh, turkey sandwich? - With fries? - Sure.
- 5.
75.
Mmm! I've got to hand it to you, Amaar.
- I mean, you are really cheeseburger! - 6.
95.
- Oh.
- I have a photographic memory.
Really? Okay, uh, close your eyes.
- What colour is my hijab? - That's not fair, it only works with food.
- Oh! - Pink, pink! Yeah, good one.
- Spring is in the air.
- I think that's garlic.
I meant your daughter.
Pretty flirty for a Muslim.
Okay.
Quick How much are the onion rings? Hey! Come on, you're a married woman.
That's a good trick.
Season 2 Episode 17 Meet J.
J.
Internship? I don't even know what that means! It's like a part time job, except here's the good part the payment isn't money.
So what is it, like, free pop or something? Even better: Experience.
That's worse.
You meant "worse".
The best schools look for work experience.
You've got to build a resume.
- But where am I supposed to find a - Here is the Mercy business directory.
- Huh, huh.
Find an area, science, media - Dad - Or you could come work for me.
- I'm on it.
It's the job of a lifetime! Okay, it's not glamorous, but these holes do not punch themselves.
No, I mean me.
The province is building a pumping substation right here in Mercy.
What's a pumping substation? - It pumps.
- Oh.
- So, you going to get this job? - 'Course! When I first got into construction, this is what I saw myself doing: Building skyscrapers, sporting arenas pumping substations.
- Well, it's not exactly a skyscraper.
- Pumps more water than a skyscraper.
- Mmm.
So, what are you going to do? - I've just met with the project manager.
He's going to put in a good word for me.
Get me on the shortlist.
Shortlist? Where'd you meet this guy? Informally.
Uh informal social situation.
- Come on! - Jeez! - Ah! - Hamaodi! Good of you to come.
- Drink? - Oh! No.
No, thank you.
Oh.
Well, sit down.
Let's play some cards Well, Muslims aren't really supposed to play cards.
Deal me in.
You smell like smoke.
What kind of meeting was this? The kind where I lost all my cash and you have to buy me lunch.
So, this is an unpaid position.
No money, but, uh, good work experience.
Great.
No money and lots of work experience! That's what I'm looking for.
So, what made you choose this place? It was pretty random.
- Sorry? - People! I love working with people.
Huh.
Great.
Well, if he hires you, you'll be a personal assistant to a media professional.
- It's a good in.
- Good.
Oh, here he is now.
Oh, hey, hiya, toots.
Hey, hey.
So you want to learn the old radio game, huh? - He's like a god around here.
- Guilty.
- So-o, how was the poker party? - It was fine.
- What poker party? - Tsk.
What's poker? - Who told you about the poker? - Mom.
Well, we were just sitting around.
I had to say something.
Is this where you do the thing where you're disappointed with me or where you're upset with me? I'll probably do a little of both.
I didn't win.
I didn't have any fun.
That must count for something.
Well, it's not me you have to worry about.
- Why, is Amaar here? - I mean Allah.
Right.
- Dad, there are rules in our religion.
- Yeah.
She's upset.
Well, no daughter likes to find out her father's a terrible poker player.
- Oh, did you make it onto the shortlist? - I have a meeting next week! - Oh, yes! - Yeah! - One milk, two sugars.
- Thanks, toots.
Newscast ready? - Right here.
- Beautiful.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's with all the yellow splotches on it here, huh? Oh, I highlighted all the interesting stories.
I hope that's okay.
Oh, thanks, toots.
Hey.
Although I don't know that a new leash law counts as interesting.
I don't know that much about it.
Muslims aren't really supposed to have dogs.
Really? As pets.
I don't know why.
It's just a thing.
Well, no gambling, no drinking, no dogs.
You guys must really hate that painting of the dogs playing poker, huh? - Does anybody like that painting? - Huh! Right! - Yeah.
Good work, toots.
- Thanks.
Did you hear about my dad and the poker party? Yeah, I did.
I'm going to have to speak to him.
Plus, I heard he was a really, really bad player.
I am so mad at him.
Well, I guess it takes a while to learn the hands Amaar I know.
But you shouldn't be angry with him.
Respecting your parents is an important part of Islam.
Uh we're talking about him here, not me.
You both have things you could work on.
- Want to play the menu game? - It'd be hard to while you're up there.
- Up where? - On your high horse.
You were being on the high horse about your dad.
No, I wasn't.
Besides, it's my job to be on my high horse.
I'm a high horseman.
It's lonely up here.
Fred Tupper! You know, folks, there's one thing you can always count on in this world, and that's the love of a good pooch.
But apparently not for some of us.
Turns out your Muslims aren't allowed to keep dogs as pets.
Yeah.
Bad enough this freaky foreign religion breeds terrorists, it also breeds something far worse: Cat people.
I can't believe you used our private conversation to slam my entire community! What, the dog thing? Well, was I making something up? - No.
- So I was just telling the truth.
Your religion got something against telling the truth? Of course not.
Oh, rats.
That would have been a good topic.
Hot show, Fred.
How'd you come up with that dog angle? I used our personal conversation to slam her entire community.
Oh.
Good! - Do you know, I'm still pretty mad about - Relax, toots, will you? - I'll make you an associate producer.
- Really? - Do I get paid? - Eh, no.
Hey, how are things in pumping substation land? Oh, shaping up, shaping up.
Just working through one little fly in the ointment.
Which is? I have no idea how to build a pumping substation.
I thought it was your dream? I have a lot of crazy dreams, darling.
Half the time at night I dream about running around naked in my old school.
Well, could you run slower? You're always kicking me.
You know what we need? An engineer.
- So hire one.
- They're expensive.
What about what's-his-name? You know, the your old partner, Karim.
Wasn't his son going into engineering? - Juanaid Jafer? - Yeah, J.
J.
- He's just a boy, darling.
- He's grown up by now.
Mind you, he always was a bit of a geek.
And that's exactly what I need.
Someone who is good with numbers, bad with people.
- Why bad with people? - So I can talk him into doing this for next to nothing.
Fred Tupper? That's who you go work for? I never even heard his show before! I just thought he was a guy that said "toots" a lot.
You have to quit.
You're the one that made me get this stupid job.
And now you want me to quit? I'm associate producer.
- Does this mean you get paid? - No.
But it's a title I can put on my business cards.
- Did they give you business cards? - No.
I insist you quit.
I am laying down the law.
What about building my resume? You cannot build something on a foundation of - Fred.
- What if I say no? Understand, there will be consequences of what you're doing.
You can't make me quit a job.
- I warn you one last time.
- No.
Very well.
- If you quit, I'll buy you a cellphone.
- No deal! With free air time! And ring-tones! I- I don't know what ring-tones are, but you can have some! Now, when J.
J.
Gets here, be nice.
- Poor kid.
He was always so hapless.
- Well, why wouldn't I be nice? Remember when you were ten? You both climbed a tree together and you pushed him out.
- That was funny.
- He broke his arm.
That was the funny part! I was ten, it seemed funny at the time.
So when you pushed him, you were gambling, as it were, with his life.
- I'd say that makes us even.
- Nice try.
Oh! That must be J.
J.
I wonder if he still has those Coke bottle glasses.
- Well, maybe he had laser surgery.
- Do they make lasers that big? Everyone, this is J.
J.
Salaam aleikum.
- Waleikum salaam.
- Waleikum salaam.
Welcome.
Wow, can you get laser surgery on your whole body? Apparently.
Wow, this is really impressive.
- You did this all last night? - No, I did it on the plane on the way over.
Mm it's it's my folder, see.
You guys are really going to wow that committee.
Well, actually, you learn a lot about physics from falling out of trees.
- You remember that? - It's water under the bridge.
Oh, like that time you pushed him off the bridge into water.
That was a mistake.
I had no idea there was water under there.
Well it's time to leave.
- But it's not for another hour.
- We don't want to be late.
I thought you said it was across the street.
- It's against the wind.
- Goodbye.
Ah, Amaar, this is J.
J.
J.
J.
, This is Amaar.
We have to go.
- Who's that? - Oh, that's J.
J.
He's an engineer.
Oh, the cool train kind or the other kind? - The other kind.
- It's never the cool train kind.
Well, I better go.
I wouldn't want to get lectured.
- What was that about? - She thinks I'm too preachy.
Occupational hazard.
The dog show was fantastic.
The dog people are mad at the Muslims and the cat people are mad at you.
What did I say about cat people? - You said they were worse than terrorists.
- Oh yeah! Hey, you think we can get another show out of that? Oh, I guess so.
Why not? Well, maybe you could do a follow-up.
Apparently there are shades of grey.
Not all Muslims think you can't have a dog.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, honey Well, different Islamic scholars think that it's okay if you have one Hold the phone there.
We don't do shades of grey around here.
Well, you're kind of making us look bad.
Well, that's what you get for being in a kooky religion.
Let's do this.
Fred Tupper! Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to the "Fred Tupper Show".
Brought to you by Okay Bakery.
Now with six types of bun.
You know, folks, every now and then on the show here, we, uh, come across what we call, uh, a hot button issue.
And last show, we did just that.
Dogs and your Muslims.
Now, today we're going to Well, we're going to we're going to go in a slightly different direction, and, uh, and talk about something even worse.
Uh taxes.
Yeah, yeah! Personally, I can't stand them.
Let's, uh, let's open the phones, huh? What's he doing? Maybe he's trying to be culturally sensitive.
That's awful! Just, uh, give us a dingle.
Heard the show today.
Wow.
Taxes, eh? - Someone's sure sticking it to the man.
- Well you know You know, I, uh, I tried to adjust my radio.
I've got the volume and I've got tuning, there's just no way I can turn down the "suck".
Hey, listen, pal, - I have a few things that I - You know, you used to be something, man.
You used to be a blowhard.
Hey, I'm still a blowhard, buddy boy.
What's wrong with being a cat person? Cheque, please! And that is why you can, should, and must choose Hamoudi Construction for the project.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- I think you've got it down.
- Yeah.
That's the third time you've run through it.
Yeah.
Don't be nervous.
Confidence is key.
Confidence is key.
- Confidence is key.
- Hamaodi! - You're up next.
- Let's do it.
- I can't do it! - Hey, you're going to be fine.
I should be building a deck.
A deck I know.
- Come on.
- A deck wouldn't judge me.
Am I a nag? What do you mean? Do I nag people? Someone said I was on my high horse.
Look, Amaar, we try to get people to change.
Sometimes people don't want to change.
Sometimes people don't even want to donate change.
This job would be easier if it wasn't for the people.
Now, you see, that's why I didn't want to do this in my office.
- We got the job! - Congratulations! Oh! - We got the job! - Congratulations! Oh! That's so good! Now, this calls for a celebration.
- You're staying for lunch.
- Yes.
- Oh All right.
- Lunch time! Lunch time! - I have something for you.
- Oh.
What is it? It's a gift.
It's no big deal.
O- kay.
- These are a little small for me.
- No, actually they were mine.
From when you pushed me out of the tree.
The extremely tall tree.
Yeah.
That's sweet.
You kept these.
A sort of a memento.
I've also got a pin in my arm, but I can't give you that.
I guess J.
J.
Will be staying for a little while now.
Something good could come of your gambling after all.
- What, you mean those two? - Mm-hmm.
- I thought she had eyes for Amaar.
- Oh, she's mad at him again.
I'm worried she's never going to find someone.
- Well, she's too choosy.
- Yeah.
In these matters, you have to be practical.
I mean, I didn't have to be, - but everybody else does.
- Close call.
Oh So once I get the CAD package set up, I can output a schematic matrix - to help with model flow attributes.
- Yeah, flow attributes, gotcha.
- Where's the plug-in? - Right there.
What do they teach you in engineering school? Thanks.
You know, after doing all that stuff in Dubai, it's nice to be back in this part of the world.
- Dubai? - Yeah, you didn't know? My dad's working on the Dubai needle.
Isn't that going to be the tallest building in the world? Yeah, now that they've added the communications spire.
- That's the pointy thing at the top.
- I know, I know.
- And what part of the building is your f - The pointy thing at the top.
The highest building in the world! - That sounds like - Loads of money.
Oh! My goodness, yes.
Hey, do you have a - do you have a mouse-pad? - Use a magazine.
- Uh, did you go talk to Amaar yet? - About what? You said you were going to talk to him about the whole gambling thing.
Your father didn't become a professional gambler.
He went to one poker party to try to get a public official to give him preferential treatment.
Actually, when you say it out loud like that, it's pretty bad.
What can I do to make it up to you? Just start respecting our faith a little more.
Do one Islamic thing and that's a start.
Maybe you should start dressing like Baber.
Anything except that.
Uh, there is one thing I could do, but you wouldn't like it.
Oh, you're just making excuses.
Come on.
Well it's a Muslim father's duty to find a husband for his daughter.
I could do that.
- What? - What? J.
J.
Is a friend of the family.
Very good prospects.
You could go on a series of dates with a chaperon.
Very Islamic.
Yasir, what you're talking about is an arranged marriage.
Yeah, something like that.
Could you pass the chicken? - I don't know what to say.
- I do.
- I don't know what to say.
- I do.
- You're not getting any chicken.
- You can't eat that much chicken.
Chicken is for civilized people.
You're a caveman.
I'm not a caveman! Tell her.
Arranged marriage is very, very traditional.
Well, now all I'm left with is side dishes.
We lost the bun sponsorship.
What? How are they going to sell those buns now? Six types of bun! They practically sell themselves.
You've got to put the fire back in your show, Fred.
Look at the last few topics you've had: Taxes, the weather punctuation.
It's boring.
A lot of people get fired up about punctuation.
The semicolon is not a toy.
Get your act together or I'm going to replace you.
- Salaam aleikum.
- Waleikum salaam.
Haven't seen you in a bit.
Thought you were mad at me.
I am, but, uh, I need some advice.
Okay, well, I'll take off my friend hat and put on my imam hat.
- I don't really have an imam hat.
- I know.
I just can't believe you said that.
Um Okay, so, uh this kind of crazy thing happened.
Uh, my dad had this crazy idea - Well, it's kind of crazy - Okay.
Um He wants me to Finish your sentences? You know what? This isn't good for me right now.
But I will come back, okay? Much easier job without the people.
You're coming to me for advice? What is this, one of those, uh, Pepsi challenge type of things? You - go to the competing brand? - It felt strange going to Amaar.
- Um, my dad wants me to marry J.
J.
- What? He's an engineer my father hired.
- Uh, train engineer or - no, the other kind.
It's an arranged marriage type of thing.
Does that mean you have to marry him? No, it means I could marry him.
It's not unusual for Muslim parents to set their kids up with a potential Mate? It sounds like we're pandas in a zoo.
Okay, so what do you think about this guy? He is nice.
Uh, he's tall.
Um well groomed.
He's got good eyebrows.
- His teeth are very symmetrical.
- Symmetrical is good.
- Yeah.
- Okay, tell you what.
What do you say, heads, you go through with this marriage, tails, you don't.
Now, when I threw the coin in the air, you wished it was something.
What was it? I don't remember which was heads and which was tails.
- Okay, I'll do it again.
- No, no, I think I have my answer.
- Thank you, reverend.
- How did I do? If I'm converting to another religion, Anglicanism has moved up to first on the shortlist.
I still have the touch.
Second is Scientology.
Let me have my moment.
- Mr.
Tupper, I brought you something.
- Ooh! Is it cinnabons? No.
It's a new intern.
Hi.
- This is Karen.
- Uh, w-why? Mr.
Tupper, when you get to know people, you start to see them as individuals, and it starts a process of understanding, which builds bridges between cultures, which, in your line of work, is a real bad idea toots.
- She was the best intern I ever had.
- Hmm.
Aw, to heck with her.
- You know how to make coffee, toots? - Do I! - I don't, actually.
- Oh Dad I know what you're going to say.
I'm sorry about my stupid marriage idea.
No, that's not what I was going to say.
I'm going to try it out.
- What? - Really? Yeah.
I talk a lot about being a Muslim and marriage is very Muslim.
You see? My idea was great! Let's go tell J.
J.
Sit.
- Honey, are you sure? - I'm sure.
I- I mean, I know he's good looking and he's very nice, - and he's got a good job - And he's rich.
- He's rich? - Father's quite wealthy.
But that doesn't matt - How wealthy? - Very wealthy.
The question is, will he agree to it? If he doesn't, I'll push him out of a tree.