Lost Girl (2010) s02e17 Episode Script

Kenzi? Huh, bonus.
More piles of pecans for me.
You wanna be the champion, baby, you gotta be ready for anything! Kenzi, you just killed my ice cream! Collateral damage.
Killer kitty! Ah! Ah! Uh! Uh! Uh! The Garuda could strike anywhere, anytime.
Reverse cowgirl.
Rah! Ah! Uh! Uh! Uh! Ah! Hurah! Whoa, whoa, whoa-- Justtacos, don't kill me.
Oh, hey, baby, did you bring extra hot sauce? Ugh! Whatwas that? Blade aerobics.
--Sword-lates.
You are the strangest girls I've ever met.
Making with the sweet talk.
What can I say, we like to get our freak on.
Yeah.
Right.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate her seeing me.
Save it for the Don.
Your family's been loyal to Clan Bukharin.
Seven generations now.
I just have a little business problem.
Some new investors, very unsavory fellows.
Again, I'm just the consigliere.
Marisol Carmody, in her prime.
I can see why they call her the iron fist.
Don't crack jokes.
Oh, I didn't mean-- And don't forget to curtsy.
You have ten minutes, Nigel, the Don's a real stickler for protocol and a real hothead when crossed.
What was that? Miss Carmody! Life is hard when you don't know who you are.
It's harder when you don't know what you are.
My love carries a death sentence.
I was lost for years, searching while hiding.
Only to find that I belong to a world hidden from humans.
I won't hide anymore.
I will live the life I choose.
So, uh, was Miss Carmody a smoker? Not for two centuries.
Hm-- We don't often have a member of Clan Zamora under our roof.
I'm just here to do my job.
With a little help.
You're late.
Is this your commanding officer? Hardly.
Yes.
And not affiliated with any particular clan.
Thank goodness.
Let me know if you need anything.
I will.
And thank you.
What was that? An attempt to let you off the case gracefully.
Your father called.
He called you? Says you being here is bad for appearances.
Yeah, well, whatever, he doesn't run my life.
We're cool, right? Yeah, we're cool.
We're peachy.
So, the old lady just went kablooie? Can we focus? I'm sorry, it's just so deliciously gross.
Okay, continue with your bro-bitchin'.
I hate what Dyson's become.
Totally unreliable and he doesn't give a damn.
I'm sorry you guys are having a boy fight.
I could use a friend.
Aw, hon.
A girlfriend.
Hear me out, the once a century summit of the original noble Fae families is coming up and I need a date.
Hale, I have a boyfriend now.
I show up with you, it'll really get my family off my back about my personal life, Kenzi.
Boyfriend, me, have.
If I may-- I have taken the liberty of writing out all the times that I have bailed you out.
Seriously? One, erased all your parking tickets from the police database.
Two, rescued you from that Minotaur.
He was only a little drunk.
Three, nodded knowingly when you told Bo her shoes were stolen by cobbler elves.
Those mules were way too small for her.
Four-- Fine.
Yes! Fine, I'll pose as your honey.
Temporarily.
No smooching, no groping, and no magical Fae impregnations.
I'll uh, try and contain myself.
Here-- What's this? It's a present.
Oh! Ah ha It's my Nona's old Inverell gown and fascinator.
You're kidding.
It's just like Nona used to wear.
What time is this summit thingy? Tomorrow.
But first you're meeting my family.
This is Marisol Carmody.
Don of the Bukharin Clan.
Last night she was-- Exploded.
Yeah, I heard.
So, are Dyson and Hale on it? Hale has removed himself from the case and with good reason.
His father's head of the Zamora Clan.
How many clans are there again? Well-- When it comes to Fae nobility there are only three clans that matter.
The Zamora, Bukharin and Fin Arvin.
All uber rich and very powerful and would kill each other in a heartbeat in order to gain more power and more money.
Like the mob, but with mermaids.
Yeah.
So, why would someone want Marisol murdered? You mean why now.
This weekend, the Inverell is happening.
And it is critical that nothing disturbs the precarious peace between these three families.
Like say the Garuda.
Yes, I want you to partner with Dyson and find out who did this.
Also I think it would be a good opportunity for you to let the families know what's coming.
You earn their support and we can tap into their significant resources.
Right, tip the scales in our favour when we go into battle.
Exactly.
But remember one thing, Bo, these people are conservative, prejudiced snobs.
They don't take too kindly to riff-raff.
Hey, hey, you okay? Uh, yeah.
Okay, wait, wait-- It's just look, my family's a little old school so Okay, well relax.
I got this, it's me remember.
Val, Father-- This is Kenzi, my girlfriend.
Hello, Sturgess, it's very nice to meet you.
Too early to call you dad? Human! Oohhh! Son-- You're datingthis? Kenzi, her name's Kenzi.
So, Val, is that, um, short for Valerie? Or cause you're a Valkyrie? I'm a Pombero, I can steal voices and seriously-- Hale, a human in our house.
Shut it, Val.
You shut it.
Children, that's enough.
Sweetie, give your brother back his voice.
Harpie.
Human hugger.
Really, Hale, it's one thing to work alongside them.
I'm right here.
I can hear you.
So Mom would understand.
Well, we know you take after your mother, my only son, a siren.
Best damn siren in the whole biz this one.
As Santiagos of Clan Zamora, we're all for charity, but there's a limit.
And that limit is cheap, ill-bred mortals.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
So, what made our vic go boom? A bomb? Take a look.
So, what's your plan? I say we pull the suspects in, get old school.
Force a confession.
Or we could examine the evidence.
Like, for example this photograph.
This is the three clans, right? Yes, from the last Inverell.
Well, it's burned around the edges.
A message from the killer? Seems like our suspects are also potential targets.
So, we bring in the heads of the other families.
Interview them.
But I must warn you, they are a prickly bunch.
It will be the first time the Inverell has been held here at our estate under the clan Zamora banner in three hundred years.
Hi! Kenzi-- Yes, that's me, Hale's monogamous lover.
Mr.
Santiago, it's an honour.
Dyson, my boy, I didn't think you were gonna make it.
Neither did I-- Who's your friend? Everyone, this is Bo.
The unaligned succubus The rumours don't do your beauty justice.
Mr.
Santiago, unfortunately we're here on business, not pleasure.
And boy do we have questions.
Of course, the Marisol murder.
Dreadful affair.
There's no reason we couldn't do this over some rare vintages.
Shall we adjourn to the wine cellar? Any thoughts on who might want Marisol dead? Oh, I'm quite sure who did it.
Dabner, the head of the Fin Arvin Clan.
Paranoid, nearly insane.
And you can't trust those Fin Arvin fools, they're as shiftless as mortals.
What are you doing? You're speedy.
Not the Chateau Isoir, dear.
Perhaps you'd prefer a wine cooler? We should talk to this Dabner, now.
Agreed.
Not before cake.
Don't you want dessert, Dyson? First we divided equally to pay homage to the original families.
I am nothing if not sentimental.
Wash the silverware the human uses at least twice.
Val! Better just pitch it.
You know what? That's it-- That's it, Fae you.
You know if I wanted to be insulted like this, I would have spent time with my own family! Kenz! Kenzi, wait! Hey, Kenzi, wait.
Yes, our friendship works because we are so the best dressed out of the group and because we enjoy taking the piss out of one another, but I have never used you like you just used me.
Hey, hey-- Look, I'm sorry.
Okay, they're rude, they're bigots and they're wrong.
I get it.
Well, get this, next time you wanna play bad son, leave me out of it.
Thank you for your time.
And here I'd heard you were difficult.
Dyson's clearly been a good influence.
So has Kenzi.
See, she's taught me how to tolerate people that I can't stand.
You're snobs, you're bigots and you're family-- Bo- .
family home is lovely.
And Dyson, come back anytime you feel like something sweet.
So much for impressing our social betters.
Well, I still have two families to charm.
Besides, that was worth it.
You have got to stop sneaking in like this.
Or what? Find out my girlfriend stood me up for another dude? If it makes you feel any better, it was like the worst date of all time.
Baby, I'm kidding-- I'm kidding! So, it was a date and what, it was awesome? Yay? You and I, we were supposed to jam and instead I see you leave with Hale.
Baby, he's just my friend-- Okayit was a thing.
I can't keep up with your secrets, Kenz.
What do you mean? Well, first Bo and now Hale.
Everything, I mean, I really, really wanna trust you.
But you're always so Sneaky.
Okay, it's adorable, but-- No, you're right, you're right.
And it is killing me.
I want to tell you the truth.
Dabner, I presume.
More often referred to as Lord Dabner.
Ninth premier of the Clan Fin Arvin, but who cares about hard earned titles in these troubled times.
And what brings you to us today, Lord Dabner? It came into my house, my very boudoir.
I awoke to find it standing above me.
A flame! Like on fire? Ah, beauty and brains.
So often strangers.
I will have you know that I barely escaped with my life.
I am Fin Arvin.
I am not to be silenced.
Ohh Ugh-- Your hand, it's burnt.
Did the creature touch you? I didn't notice, it all happened so fast.
Whatever did this, just sent more than a message.
You okay? Yeah, a bit congested.
When a Cherufe touches you, it sets off a chain reaction and you spontaneously combust.
Gruesome trick.
Wait, what's a Cherufe? A Cherufe is an Under-Fae, of magma, immensely powerful.
It can cover swaths of lands in lava.
And disguise themselves as rock.
Why would a Cherufe waste its talents tormenting these individuals when it could wipe out an entire village? Well, there must be some reason because these attacks are pretty specific.
And there's only one Don left.
Hale's dad.
I mean he's a total jerk-off, but capable of hiring an assassin to take out the other clan leaders? It looks like we're heading back to the Santiago estate.
Is that my piles-o-pecans? I told Nate the truth about us.
Oh-- Kenzi.
Except! I totally lied! Oh, Kenzi-- I don't know, it just came pouring out of me, that you and I were spies.
That we were in the witness protection program.
That we were this close to getting our own cooking show.
Oh, that one, that's when he knew you were lying.
Yeah.
And I know why's he's mad.
Because I'm pretending to be Hale's piece on the side.
Well, then you tell Hale that you can't do it anymore.
I mean, if he knew that this was affecting your real relationship-- He won't want to take me to the Inverell anyway, considering his family hated me.
Oh, they sucked.
They so sucked.
I'm gonna head to the Dal, give him the news.
But, honey, I don't think that your problems with Nate are just a Fae thing, it is hard to be in a relationship when you can't be completely honest.
You rang? Yeah, hey, yeah, thanks for coming.
This case is a doozy.
Hey, Bo.
HeyNadia.
I, uh, brought those, um Later.
medical textbooks you wanted.
Great, thanks.
Uh, where's your bathroom? It's upstairs-- Sorry, I had to bring her.
Okay.
She just hasn't wanted to leave my side, which is understandable considering the coma and waking up after five years.
Yeah, sure, it's fine.
The Ash's library has volumes dedicated to the Cherufe.
And even among the Fae they're admired for being so-- I dunno Badass? Precisely.
It was a Cherufe that was responsible for the volcanic eruption of Mount Vesuvius.
The city of Pompeii was buried in minutes, exterminating entire generations of humans and Fae.
Fae have another word for Pompeii-- They call it the rape of Scafati.
Wait, I've seen that word before.
See, there-- On Marisol's desk.
Scafati.
But why would Marisol Carmody have it? You get the impression there's something the Dons aren't' saying? You find anything good? You've got quite the.
.
weapons collection.
Well, everyone's got their hobbies.
As if you weren't intimidating enough already.
Bo, I'm so sorry.
I'm so embarrassed.
I just-- I just wanted to check out the competition.
Look, Nadia, I'm not your competition, you really have nothing to worry about.
So, you won't tell Lauren? Well-- It's not like I've never peeked inside someone's medicine cabinet right? Yeah, thanks.
Hale, four o'clock-- Oh, there she is, my main squeeze.
Hey, Trick.
Here ya go.
Were we in the same room yesterday? That was crazytown.
That was Thursday, the estate is always kind of intense.
Nate doesn't get why I'm doing this, Hale.
Well, then I will tell him.
You are doing me the biggest favour of my life.
Besides, if you bail, our fake relationship will be one more thing my father thinks I failed at.
Yeah, well, if you wanted to impress papa Sturgess so mucho, why didn't you just ask Bo.
My family is nuts, but I am the Santiago heir, someday I might be head of the Zamora clan.
And you need a tiny human queen to claim your throne? I need to set an example.
If we don't modernize, we'll become irrelevant.
Look, the Fae can co-exist with the humans peacefully as equals, and moreover we should.
No fair with the "we're all on one team speech," you know "Mighty Ducks" is my fav.
Oh, well, I would have never guessed when you made me watch itnine times.
One more night.
Yes, one more you don't even have to be sober night.
Oh-- That's great-- Ha! How'd you get in here? I doubled security.
Well, double it again.
The Cherufe is after you.
That is unless you hired it to kill the other two Dons.
If you wanted to borrow a bottle, you could have just asked.
The one that Kenzi was looking at? I noticed it was the only bottle on the shelf that didn't have any dust on it.
I believe it was the Château Isoir.
Is that French for family secrets? I bet you a wine cooler that this scroll will tell me about Mr.
Scafati.
May I? The Scafati wasn't a person, they were a family.
A fourth clan You sliced the cake into four equal parts to pay homage to the families.
Our superstitions will always betray us.
The Scafati Clan was more powerful than the Zamora, Fin Arvin and Bukharin kinfolk combined.
So, together we conspired to destroy them.
By using the Cherufe who lived below Mount Vesuvius.
In return we promised him the first girl born to each family, every hundred years.
Well, let me guess, you welched on your daughter deliveries.
We tricked the creature instead and buried him under the mountain.
Not deep enough.
I understand his need for revenge, but not why he's coming after us now, it's been two thousand years.
I've got an inkling.
You ever hear of the Garuda? Sturgess, you have got to stop the Inverell.
And let the clans say I cancelled out of fear? I'd rather burn.
Ugh! Ugh! Sturgess, open this door! Oh, dammit-- Sorry, Nona-- Emmett Northcote-- Of Family Northcote, Clan Fin Arvin.
Tamsin Borgia-- Of Family Akif, Clan Bukharin.
Where are you, Kenzi? Kenzi-- Hale's bitchin' girlfriend of family "what up?!" Clan, "hey now!" Come along, Miss! I had to do it my way.
I didn't want to look like a before picture.
You look gorgeous.
Really.
Really? Not toogoomba? It's perfect.
Okay.
Word of the Dons' deaths have positively blazed through the crowd.
They can all burn as far as I'm concerned.
Pompous fools, muttering and posturing amongst themselves.
You should get out of here, Val, Something bad is coming.
I'd rather dance.
You're my best friend's baby sister.
I'm nobody's baby anymore and I know you've noticed.
I've noticed something too.
You'redifferent.
I am, so don't think you know me.
You don't give a rat's ass about anything, do you, Dyson? Liberating, isn't it? Not having to care.
I was eavesdropping on Sturgess and your little succubus friend in the wine cellar earlier.
Bo is downstairs? Turns out daddy dearest's not exactly the standup guy I-- I, uh.
Hey-- Don't go all gallant on me now.
That's not what I'm after.
I plan to drown my sorrows in something wrong.
Why else would I choose you? I'm working.
If you want to feel something for a change come find me.
Nate? Ow, ow, ow! You're crushing my fingering hand.
What? Guitar.
How did you get in? I got in with the caterers.
Well, what are you doing here? I'm finding the balls to get my girl back.
Uh Okay, wait here.
Yup, there it is, heard another "Mercy".
That was number four.
Yup and the lady in the red sequins gave us a "crikey"! See, we're uniting Fae from many lands in their utter disapproval of our love.
I'm still smarting from that guy's "hurumph".
You know, if words were bullets.
You're fun.
Thanks.
That's kind of why I asked you to this clusterFae.
Oh, yeah, what happened to "I am chosen one, must date human, drag Fae into new century?" Ha ha, and yeah that's important, but this is the next best thing to having an actual girlfriend.
The unaligned succubus, family unknown, clan Zip it! Now.
Hey, Bo Bo! What the hey hey? Yeah, no invitation, underdressed, do not tell your dad! There's someone else who shouldn't be here, he's waiting for you in the billiard room.
Oh-- Okay.
Dude! Dude.
Dude.
And that's my cue.
Can we please say something other than dude? Well, I said a bunch of stuff the last time I saw you and you freaked.
In my defense I asked you for the truth and you told me that you were Batman, so Well, fine, I fibbed, great catch.
And that's just it, you are a great catch the best.
Leaving more slowly.
And you look so, so amazing.
And the most pathetic part is, is I am so crazy about you that it practically wouldn't matter if you were dating a cop on the side.
Nate, I am just pretending to be Hale's faux-bo to get his parents off his back.
Oh Well, that's cool, yeah-- Yeah? Are we cool? I hope so.
There are still some things thataren't mine to tell.
I don't care what the deal is between you and Bo because I know who you really are.
Yeah I'm yours.
Look, I can't do this right now, I have to go make a good impression and my Spanx are riding up and the man I love is playing stalker-- You love me? Busted.
That's good enough for me.
Now go be good for Hale.
Bitch.
Hey, have you seen Dyson, I need his help finding the Cherufe.
Whoa, whoa-- It's coming here, to my house? Yes, we think so, if you see Dyson send him my way, okay? I hope you're not planning anything stupid.
You mean like saving your sorry ass? Are you okay? Where'd it go? What happened to your voice?! Okay, stay here, okay? Wait, wait! We should go upstairs, we shouldn't do this.
Is that really what you want? VAL!!! Hale, just relax-- Don't make this a thing, man-- A thing? We're both consenting adults, this doesn't concern you.
Like hell it doesn't, she's my sister! And you are supposed to be my best friend! What is wrong with you? It's time to cool things off.
Really? There's no Fae fire code.
I always stuck by your side, man and this is how you repay me? I may not be able to love, Hale, but I can still live.
Hale! What are you gonna do, huh? You gonna hit me? Then do it.
DO IT! You're not worth it.
Come on-- Kenzi, reverse cowgirl! Ugh! Asian fusion's so hot these days.
It is bad enough that you made a deal with the devil and then reneged, but the reason the Cherufe felt bold enough to seek vengeance now is because there is something much worse slouching towards us-- The Garuda.
You are all at each other's throats, even more than usual and the evil that is coming, it is feeding off your collective rage.
This is ridiculous, you don't understand! No, this is our shot, dad-- To stop the petty grievances with each other and unite the clans.
To fight the real threat.
It's another Clan Bukharin trick! You would say that, Fin Arvin scum! They'll never change.
It's over.
No-- Changing my mind-- Now, it's over.
Give it back, Val.
Lava dude's in here! I'm sorry that was a long hold over.
Come on, let's go.
One minute, Hale, my son, please! What could you possibly have to say to me? The Cherufe, I only did it to keep the family safe.
You did it because you need to be in control all the time, but you can't control what's coming.
We've had our differences, but when the Garuda comes we need to stick together, look after our own.
I'll protect Val, I always do when it counts.
The Garuda-- You did know about it.
You were right, succubus, I can feel it.
The enemy of the Naga, of all the Fae rises.
We'll fight it.
You'll lose.
But still, I admire your gumption and I'll offer any resources you may need.
That's a start.
Goodbye, Kenzi.
Is that my Nona's fascinator? This is unbelievable I figured old Sturgey wouldn't mind.
Besides, we deserve it.
For what? I couldn't even convince the Fae nobles to help us fight the Garuda, I mean, I'm not the best public speaker, but I had a great prop.
A friggin' lava monster's head.
Wouldn't have mattered if you slayed an army of underFae.
The Clans know what's coming but they're scared.
Yeah, but your peeps can't just put their heads in the sand and hope that their money and power will save them.
They've lived behind their privileged, sheltered lives for centuries, it's made them soft.
My mom used to talk about it.
Taught me I could be more.
That's why I became a cop.
And a great cop at that, sir.
Here, here-- Cheers.
But the point is, I'm willing to throw it all away.
Me too.
And so is Trick and Lauren and Dyson.
We all have your exquisitely toned back.
Oh, well, thank you.
Don't bet on Dyson.
Besides, I wouldn't fight at his side anyway.
Not anymore.
Knock-knock.
Hey-- That's my cue.
And I should go to bed before I spontaneously collapse.
Muah! You have fun with my girl? You're a lucky man.
Hi, one sec-- Hale, hey-- Aw, no, no, no-- You keep it.
No, no, no.
Come on, it was your Nona's.
Did I mention the sparkly bits are genuine sapphire? Damn.
No, no I can't, take it.
Look, you were the perfect girlfriend, you deserve it.
Thank you.
Baby, I'm fancy huh? I'm fancy huh? He gave that to you? Yes.
That's absolutely beautiful.
It's real sapphire.
Nadia! My god, what happened? I cut myself, what a stupid accident.
Your hand-- What were you doing with the knife? The knife? I don't remember Lauren, I'm scared-- It's okay-- It's okay.