Lost In Space (1965) s02e17 Episode Script
The Questing Beast
[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall we left Will, Dr.
Smith and the Robot checking the radioactive atomic regulator unaware that an incredible armored warrior was waiting for the moment to attack.
That atomic regulator is secure.
There is no more danger of radioactive poisoning.
It certainly took you long enough, you lugubrious laggard.
Now let us return to camp and build fires against the night.
There may well be alien monsters afoot.
- We're safe with the Robot, Dr.
Smith.
- Safe indeed.
He's about as protective as a leaky umbrella.
- ## [ Trumpet Fanfare .]
- What's that? [ Clanging .]
Good heavens! We're being attacked by aliens! - There's only one, Dr.
Smith.
- The forerunner of an army! I am Sir Sagramonte of Antair and bid defiance! Prepare to do battle or hold yourself captive knight.
He's going to attack! Do something, you cowardly clunk! Hurry! Finish him off! I am sorry.
I can do nothing.
Oh, dear! [ Clanging .]
Do you yield? Help me up, boy.
Yes, sir.
[ Groaning .]
- Well, sir, dost yield to my valor? - I will yield.
Huh.
It's a good thing you said that.
In another instant, I'd have been on you a-hacking and a-hewing and a-cleaving of you plate by plate.
By my faith, Sir Knight, thou art a peculiar knight.
[ Gasps .]
As a matter of fact, sir-- Wha-- Thou wilt speak when thou art spoken to, varlet.
Varlet indeed! How dare you? You happen to be addressing Dr.
Zachary Smith.
'Swounds, Sir Knight! Doth never discipline thy villains? Well, no matter that.
Shall we discuss your ransom, Sir Knight? - I am unable to pay ransom.
- No ransom? That does make things rather messy, doesn't it? I suppose under the rules of chivalry, I've nothing to do but to chop off your head! - No! - Oh, I'm sorry, boy.
Did I not tell you to speak when you are spoken to? - Perhaps you might take a hostage in return-- - Can't stand an impudent varlet-- [ Stammering .]
Hostage, did you say? I guess Dr.
Smith means me.
Quite the contrary, dear boy.
I offer myself.
I shall serve you faithfully until the ransom is paid.
Well, very well, Sir Knight.
I shall take your two retainers as hostage against your ransom.
As for the boy, I shall treat him as my own son, and he shall be my page.
- And the other shall be my varlet.
- Varlet indeed! Are you suggesting that I should perform menial tasks? [ Laughs .]
By my halidom, knave I'll swink thee to the bone before I'm through! [ Whistles .]
- What's that? - Very good, Bayeuth.
Down, good hound, down.
Hast never seen Basking Hound before? And my good Bayeuth is among the best.
'Tis by his keen craft that we shall finally track down and destroy Gundemar.
Gundemar? Who in the world is that? Well, the Questing Beast, of course, dullard! Know thou nothing? - [ Trumpet Blares .]
- [ Whines .]
I shall never hear again.
On with the hunt! [ Whining .]
- Is something wrong? - Oh, not really.
I just don't like the idea of Will being out there alone tonight.
Oh, he'll be perfectly safe.
He's with Smith and the Robot.
You know, all day I've had the strangest feeling as though there's something watching us-- sort of like eyes boring into your back.
Ah, your woman's intuition is showing again.
- Don't you laugh at it.
- Oh, he'll be all right.
Stop worrying about him.
I've set the drill on automatic.
Why don't we go back to the ship? All right.
[ Gasps .]
This is the final ignominy-- a man of my quality reduced to chopping wood.
[ Barking .]
I'm going for more logs.
You shall learn to serve a table, to carve meat and pass dishes with graceful manner.
You must keep my arms burnished my mail well oiled and my harness in good repair.
More, more.
Yes, sir.
I'll do my best, sir.
In return, I shall teach you knightly manners the use of arms the language of courtesy, the art of equitation.
Ow! And I shall only beat you when it is necessary to sharpen thy wits.
Where is it? Well, no matter.
Your lessons shall begin at once.
Fetch me my gauntlets.
Sir? My gloves! They're inside the tent.
Yes, sir.
[ Whining, Barking .]
Psst.
[ Sneezes .]
Shh! Dr.
Smith! What are you doing here? Quiet.
I don't want him to come here and find me.
- He has such a temper.
- Yeah, but what are you doing here? - Seeking information.
- What kind of information? I must know from whence he came.
And most particularly, how did he come? William, he must have a ship, a functioning spacecraft.
- If we can find it, it may prove to be invaluable to all of us.
- You mean steal it.
Certainly not.
We shall borrow it.
And if Sir Sagramonte should ever return to Earth, we will give it back to him.
Some chance! So that's why you volunteered to be a hostage.
Of course.
William, he's taken a fancy to you.
I can see it.
He will confide in you.
Get him to talk.
Perhaps he'll drop a clue as to where his ship lies hidden.
I don't know, Dr.
Smith.
My dear boy, don't be selfish in your scruples.
Think of your dear parents, your sisters.
Think of me.
We are all eager to leave this planet, you know.
- Well-- - [ Sagramonte .]
Boy! - Answer him.
- Coming, sir.
Now think about it, William.
Think about where your duty lies.
Now go.
I don't want him to come here and find me.
[ Sneezes .]
What took you so long, lad? - I wanted to make sure I had the right ones.
- Well, put them on.
Is something troubling thee, boy? - No.
I was just wondering.
- Wondering? - About why you're here on our planet.
- Well, I told thee, boy.
I hunt the Questing Beast, Gundemar.
Here, stick out thy sword.
Oh, well, here.
What kind of a beast is it? Why, it's, uh, beastly, I suppose.
Definitely quite beastly.
[ Mutters, Grunts .]
- There.
- What's it look like? Why, it's, uh, fearsome, I expect.
Yes, I suppose quite fearsome in a general, run-of-the-mill sort of way.
And it probably breatheth fire.
That's natural in that sort of a thing.
And I suppose it hath claws for tearing and rending and teeth for biting and grinding, and, well, you know.
All right, lunge.
No, not there.
- Haven't you ever seen the Beast before? - Of course not! How you talk! One never sees one's Questing Beast until one is face-to-face with it and girt for the final battle.
Well, if you've never seen it, why are you hunting it? Well, it's my quest.
Botheration, boy! You do ask a lot of questions.
Just one more, sir.
What's a quest? A quest? Well, you see, it's the search for the unobtainable; an opportunity to perform some worshipful deeds of valor; a chance to explore one's own soul; the weighing of one's strength and courage.
[ Groans .]
It is that which makes a man young and undefeated e'en after he is no more.
It is-- Well, it-- it's everything.
How long does it last? Until one reaches the unattainable.
Which is never.
Well, enough of that.
Time for victuals.
- Boy, fetch me my napkin.
- Yes, sir.
One napkin.
- Did you find out how he got here? - Not yet.
[ Winces .]
Boy! My napkin! Get him his napkin.
[ Sneezes .]
Pick it up, varlet! You're raising the dust.
I have an extremely delicate back.
I can't.
[ Sneezes .]
Everybody's raising the dust.
- Here's your napkin, sir.
- Oh, thank you.
- Sir? - Oh, what is it, boy? How do you know the Questing Beast is on this planet? I wouldn't be here if it weren't, naturally.
- But how'd you get here? - I don't know.
I think it had something to do with an enchantment.
No, I'm familiar with the modern opinion that there are no such things as enchantments but how else would I find myself on various planets where Gundemar grazes? Now, I have no ship, yet I am transported in a trice from planet to planet, from star system to star system-- yea, from galaxy to galaxy.
[ Grumbles .]
And if that be not enchantment, you tell me what it is.
Then you really don't know how you got here? Well, I said so, didn't I? Oh, botheration.
I tell thee, boy, I know this-- that Gundemar is here, somewhere near.
Sir Sagramonte! Get thee to bed, boy.
We start at dawn.
Look out! - Bayeuth! - [ Barking .]
Good dog.
Good hound, Bayeuth.
Yes, yes, it is time for beddie-bye.
[ Bayeuth Whining .]
Enchantments, enchanters, indeed! All that labor, and what have I to show for it? - All the wood I've chopped and the fires I've built.
- What are you gonna do now? Return to the Jupiter 2, of course.
You didn't suppose that I would stay out here, did you? - Maybe he won't let you.
- We'll leave when he's fallen asleep.
You shall leave when he falls asleep.
I'm not going anywhere.
Of course you're going, aren't you? - Why not? - I want to learn more about the things he talked about.
That babbling nonsense! I don't think a quest is nonsense, Dr.
Smith.
But you don't understand that.
Indeed! This is the final indignity-- a famous gourmet like Zachary Smith reduced to eating scraps from someone else's table.
Very badly seasoned.
[ Sagramonte Shouting .]
Who's there? No one, sir.
No one at all.
Will.
Will, wake up.
Now this is your last chance.
I'm going.
Are you coming with me? - No, Dr.
Smith.
- Then on your own head be it.
Good-bye.
- Be careful, Dr.
Smith.
- Never fear, Smith is here.
[ Sagramonte Snoring .]
- [ Screams .]
- [ Bayeuth Barking .]
- What is it, lad? - It sounded like Dr.
Smith, sir.
- What's wrong with Bayeuth? - [ Barking Continues .]
Gundemar! When the hound shows fear, Gundemar is near.
It's virtually the only way one can find the Questing Beast, you know.
Help me arm, boy.
My sword! My shield! - Oh, I had a horn here somewhere-- - Right around your neck.
- Uh, oh, yes.
Thank you.
Oh, good boy.
Noble boy.
- Here's your sword.
- [ Barking Continues .]
- You gotta go on a diet.
Yes, all right.
Get my shield.
Your advice can come later.
[ Blows Trumpet .]
- Right here.
Here's your shield.
- Oh, thank you, boy.
Fine.
Ho, Gundemar! 'Tis Sir Sagramonte of Antair who challenges thee! Come out, foul Beast, and meet me on the field of battle! Oh, Gundemar, you'll not escape me this time! - That way.
- Oh, yes.
Thank you.
- [ Barking Continues .]
- Wait! Wait.
You forgot your helmet and your lance! What are you doing here? Where are Will and Smith? I have returned to the ship since Will and Dr.
Smith are no longer in my custody.
Their present whereabouts are unknown.
What do you mean, "whereabouts unknown"? They are held hostage by a native of the planet Antair.
You were supposed to protect them.
I can take no action against Sagramonte of Antair since the Prime Directive forbids me to harm human beings.
- Does that mean that the alien is a human being? - Affirmative.
Does he intend them any harm? I am a cybernetic servomechanism and computer.
Uh, I do not know, Professor Robinson.
- You're a great help.
- What's wrong? - Some alien has taken Will and Smith prisoner.
- Ah, that's impossible.
- Is it? - Sure it is.
If an alien ship has landed on this planet, we'd have picked it up.
- There's been no radar warning.
- We could've missed it.
No chance.
I check the tape recordings of the radar every day.
There's no ship on this planet.
All right, then where are they? I don't know.
I'll get some weapons, and we'll take a look for them.
All right.
Don't alarm Judy and Penny but see to it that they don't go too far from the ship till we know what's out there.
All right.
John, please don't let anything happen to Will.
Don't worry, darling.
Where are Dad and Don going? Oh, well, they have some work to do.
Penny, don't you go too far from the ship today.
- Why not? - Because I told you not to.
That isn't much of a reason if you ask me.
[ Whining .]
Where did you come from? You look all worn out, you poor thing.
- [ Barks .]
- What does that mean? [ Barking Continues .]
Here, boy.
Come back.
Come on.
I won't hurt you.
Sir Sagramonte! I wonder where everybody is.
Sir Sagramonte! Sir Sagramonte! Huh? Oh, lad, there you are.
Boy, am I glad to find you.
I looked all night.
Did you find the Questing Beast? Aye, that I did.
Here, help me up.
[ Groaning .]
Oh, thank you.
- You sure look shook up.
- Oh, never did mortal man suffer such a shaking.
Let me down easy now.
Thank you.
It feels as though every bone in my body breaketh.
- The Beast did that to you? - Uh, something did.
- Did you fight it? - Aye.
At least I got in one good cut with my sword.
Oh, lad, it would've done your heart good to hear the Beast.
- Such a caterwauling and howling mortal ear ne'er heard before.
- Then what happened? Beshrew me, lad, I know not what.
Suddenly it was though I was seized by some great wind.
I was sent hurtling through the air clouting against trees, banging against rocks and finally splashing into yonder, uh, uh, pool.
- The Beast did that? - Nay, lad.
'Twas some enchantment set upon me by some enemy I wot not whom.
Oh, woe is me! How can good steel and stout heart stand foul magicking? There really isn't such a thing as enchantment.
No? Then you tell me what it was did that to me? Oh, it was enchantment, sure enough.
Where is Bayeuth? He's missing, sir.
Miss-- Missing, you say? You mean you lost him.
He got away in the dark.
I had my hands full with your helmet and lance, and I'm sorry, sir.
Ah, never mind, lad.
'Twas some enchantment that tolled the poor hound away from thee.
I sure wish you wouldn't talk like that.
Now what are you gonna do? Oh, on with the quest! [ Blows Trumpet .]
Ah, I'm going to sit here and ache a while.
Then later I will rise up and search some more.
Come on! We gotta go find the Beast! Well, later, lad.
Later.
[ Snoring .]
[ Barking .]
All I want to be is friends.
Honestly, I don't see any reason why you have to act like that.
[ Woman .]
It's the nature of the species, my dear.
I b-beg your pardon, ma'am.
Don't stare, child.
It isn't polite.
No, ma'am.
No what? It isn't polite or you won't stare? - You must be explicit, child.
- You can talk.
- Of course I can talk.
- [ Sagramonte Rambling .]
Oh, dear! There's that nasty old Sagramonte baying again.
- Who's Sagramonte? - I'll tell you as we walk along.
Well, I really think I ought to get home now.
My mom told me not to go too far.
Nonsense, my dear! You've reached an age when you should learn about life.
And believe me, dear, I have lived.
Well, uh, maybe some other time.
Dear, you are being impolite.
How did you do that? How would anyone do that? I teleported, naturally.
Naturally.
I haven't had a good talk with anyone for ages.
And besides, I can't let you go home.
Really I can't.
If you told your dear parents, I'm quite sure they'd come a-hunting.
And I'm much too tired for any more of that right now.
Come along, dear.
Let's rest a moment, and then we'll go on.
We must find a hiding place for the day.
- Why do we have to hide? - So we won't be found, of course.
That's a ridiculous answer.
Tut-tut.
Remember your manners, child.
I've always been thankful that I've had good manners.
Oh, I've had my ups and downs, my dear.
No use in trying to conceal the past.
But through it all, I can always say that I was a lady.
- You haven't been listening to a thing I've said.
- My dear-- I want to know where we're going and why.
And if you don't tell me, I won't go on any farther.
What is the younger generation coming to? Very well.
If you must know, I'm being pursued - haunted, tracked down.
- Who's hunting you? A terrible man.
He calls himself Sagramonte of Antair.
Oh, a horrible fellow, my dear! Horrible! - Why is he hunting you? - Heaven only knows.
I've been trying to get the answer to that for the last 40 years.
You mean he's been hunting you for 40 years? Every waking moment of them.
[ Sniffles .]
So far, I've been able to keep ahead of him.
Barely ahead.
But sooner or later, he'll catch up and then-- then he'll cut off my beautiful head with that horrible snickersnee of his.
You poor thing! [ Sobbing .]
Oh, yes! Thank you, my dear.
Have you tried to talk to this man? Tried to reason with him? Heavens, yes! Only last night.
Yes, last night, I approached his camp hoping to communicate with him.
It was useless.
He came charging at me bellowing and roaring and waving his sword.
And if I hadn't teleported at the very last moment he'd have killed me.
Oh, dear, oh, dear! I think I'm going to cry again.
- Here.
- [ Sniffling .]
Oh, dear, oh, dear! Thank you, my dear.
Now, let's go on.
Then did Sir Sagramonte advance himself into the thicket brandishing his sword and calling upon the Beast to give battle.
And the Beast came forth from his lair breathing great fires and destroying all about with the poison of his breath.
Whereupon did Sir Sagramonte girt himself and smote the Beast a mighty smote with his sword! And the Beast did bellow fiercely and come forth apace.
Full long the battle rageth with Sir Sagramonte feinting and foining and driving great blows and receiving as many in return until-- Back! Back, craven coward! Foul Beast! Back! [ Grunting, Panting .]
- What's the matter, boy? - Why are you talking so funny? Funny? Well, there's a certain form to these things, you know? Well, people expect you to build it up a little when you're telling the tale.
Telling the tale is right.
Well, uh, adding all these little details makes it interesting, you know.
Yes, sir.
But now you're making it seem like the fight lasted for hours.
And last night, when you first told me, the whole thing only lasted a few seconds.
- D-Did I say that? - You sure did.
Well, I-I was confused.
The aftermath of a hard fight, you know? - Yeah.
- Well, it's virtually true.
- Virtually.
- 'Swounds! Chide me not, boy, if I embroider a bit.
How would it sound on Antair if I said that I'd only had a little skirmish and all I'd managed to do was cut off a bit of the Beast's tail? Why, they'd laugh me out of the Courts of Honor.
Know you not that he who blows not his own trumpet shall never be heard? [ Laughing .]
You don't have to blow your trumpet to me.
You're angry with me.
Not angry, just disappointed.
Why? Are you disappointed in me? You think me a great blowhard and a liar? Sir Sagramonte last night when you went charging out in the darkness with nothing but your sword and shield I thought you were the bravest, noblest man I've ever known.
And I went looking for you all night because I wanted to learn more about the things you talked about-- like chivalry and courtesy and doing good deeds.
And now-- And now? I don't think I want to be your page any longer, sir.
I see.
Well, in that case, you'd better go.
Yes, sir.
I guess that would be best.
Then go! You don't have to polish your helmet.
I already did that.
Good-bye.
[ Barking .]
So, good Bayeuth, at least thou hast returned to me.
[ Barking .]
- What dost thou say? - [ Barking Continues .]
Is it Gundemar? Have you found the Questing Beast? Aye, I will go with thee.
But first I needs must take my trusty lance my shield, my horn-- Oh, nay.
I feel my heart is not in the chase this day.
Let be.
Let be.
[ Barking .]
This looks like a good hiding place.
Good heavens! A cave! How perfectly delightful.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Uh, go ahead, child.
Investigate it.
- Uh, I'll wait out here.
- Why, you're trembling.
Oh, it's nothing, my dear.
Merely a touch of nerves.
I've always been sensitive, you know.
You're afraid! Not really.
It's, um-- It's just that there might be mice in the cave.
Mice? They're so annoying.
They scurry so.
You're afraid of mice? Certainly not.
- [ Rocks Falling .]
- Oh! Mice! It's nothing.
Come on.
I'll protect you.
Are you sure there are no mice? All you heard were some falling rocks.
Here.
You'd better lie down and rest a while.
Thank you, my dear.
You've been very kind, my dear.
You should be safe here.
I'd better get home now.
My mom will be worried.
Perhaps you can come back later? I'll try.
Oh, then I think I'll take a little nap.
Be careful going home.
[ Penny .]
I will.
- Good night, child.
- Sleep tight, Gundemar.
I'm sure there must be mice.
This place looks mousy.
Oh, Dad, he's back! - Will? - He came in about an hour ago.
What about the alien, the man from Antair? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about.
From the way Will talked, I guess he's just a foolish old man.
I don't know about you two, but I want to get something to eat.
I'll be right along.
I want to talk to Dad for a moment.
- What's the trouble? - I'm worried about Will.
- Will? - There's something withdrawn about him.
Dad, is it possible for a boy his age to become a cynic? Jupiter 2, ahoy! Help! Oh! Oh! Dr.
Smith, what happened? Oh, I did my best, my very best, but to no avail.
Now, pull yourself together.
Tell us what happened.
It was horrible, horrible! Oh, the horror of it all! Memory banks indicate Dr.
Smith is about to pull a fast one.
Silence, you ingot of ingratitude! The poor boy.
But I did my very best.
- Who are you talking about? - My dear little friend Will.
- Who are you talking about? - My dear little friend Will.
- What happened to Will? - We were taken hostage by an alien, as you know.
But thanks to my superior cunning and ingenuity I was able to contrive our escape.
On our way here, we were attacked by a monster.
- A monster, Dr.
Smith? - Did I say one monster? I meant to say several monsters.
- Well, how many monsters? - Four or five, at least.
They were traveling in a pack.
But I placed Will behind me determined to sell his life dearly.
Armed only with a club, I managed to dispose of seven of them.
But, Dr.
Smith, you just said there were five of them.
A slip of the tongue.
There were at least 10.
Don't you believe me? Uh, yeah.
Uh, go on.
We're listening.
Yes, fighting like 10 men-- like 10 madmen-- I managed to draw them away from the place where Will was hiding.
I ran all night with 20 of them hot at my heels.
Now, if there were only 10 in the first place-- No, no, Professor, there were 20.
At least 20.
But I managed to shake them off and return to the cave, where the boy was hiding-- William.
William, I was just telling your family about the terrible things that have happened.
[ Lowering Voice .]
Did you hear everything I said? - I heard you, Dr.
Smith.
- Everything? - Everything.
- William! Yes, Doctor, go on.
You said you had returned to where Will was hiding-- I'm sure you're fully aware that it was all a lie.
May I join you? - Suit yourself.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry about this afternoon.
It's all right.
You were just trying to make yourself out a big hero.
You make it all seem very simple.
Well, isn't it? I mean, don't people do it all the time? Brag and elaborate and then build themselves up? The book's upside-down, Dr.
Smith.
Thank you.
- But there must be some exceptions.
- What exceptions? Your parents.
Major West.
How do I know for sure that they're so special? Will, what has happened to you? Well, let's just say I'm growing up, Dr.
Smith.
There comes a time in every kid's life when he has to get rid of illusions-- like outgrowing fairy tales about knights fighting dragons.
It must be something Sagramonte of Antair did, wasn't it? Dr.
Smith, nobody's to blame.
Let's just say I'm outgrowing my childhood.
Nobody's to blame.
Nobody's ever to blame.
Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, dear William.
It isn't really worth it.
Oh, missed again! [ Sighs .]
I always miss.
Oh.
Thou hast returned, varlet.
Why? Hast discovered some trace of honor in thy worthless hide? What is honor, Sagramonte of Antair? I've asked myself that question through many sleepless hours.
I come of a people who pride themselves on honor and yet I doubt if even one of them knows the meaning of the word.
Tell me about your people.
Well, we are a people so old in civilization and so wise in science that in order to maintain our sanity we've returned to an earlier, simpler age.
- The age of chivalry.
- The age of innocence and childhood.
Of belief in dragons and brave knights and honor.
My young friend Will has left all those things behind.
Yes, I-I saw the loss of innocence in his eyes when he left me.
It was you, sir, who stole it away.
Thinkst I don't know it? Oh, what have I done in this vain hunt for glory? I lied, and the boy heard me lie.
It was a lie that would do no harm-- a gentle lie, an old man's lie to be told to friends at home.
Other men have told such lies about their lives adding a bit of gilt here and a sparkling stone there so that others might discern some merit and glory in what they'd done.
I've spent 40 years on my quest.
Since that time, other men have fulfilled their quest for honor.
I-- I have never even been close to mine.
All I have to show for 40 years of quest is a-- a little scuffle in the night.
And so you lied.
It was only a tale to be told to old men at home.
I lie even to myself.
I lied so that I might win the worship of my fellows.
I have spent 40 years on a quest dedicated to chivalry and only now have I begun to know the meaning of the word.
It means to be kind and gentle, but above all to be true to thine own self, as well as to others.
And now, sir? What will you do now? Go home and be an old man by the fire.
- And what of your quest? - It's ended.
And what of the boy? The damage is beyond repair.
No, not if he sees you as he fancies you-- a brave knight fighting terrible odds for honor and merit.
[ Scoffs .]
No, that is ended now.
No, I'm old and tired, and my Beast is gone.
I know where your Beast can be found.
Can you arrange for the boy to see? Yes, I can.
Why, then, good squire, the boy shall see a pretty fight! Begone! Make all to be ready! Gundemar and I shall meet at dawn! At dawn! [ Chuckles .]
I did it.
Verily, I did it! I did it! Oh, William, the things I do for you.
Will.
Will.
- What is it, Dr.
Smith? - I've just come from Sagramonte.
- I'm not interested.
- You must listen to me.
I said I'm not interested.
I did not risk my life going out into that wilderness tonight to face this kind of rejection from you.
- You must listen.
- All right.
I'm listening.
Sagramonte is going to fight the Beast at dawn.
Did you hear me? Dr.
Smith, you know and I know and even Sagramonte knows that there isn't any Beast.
But there is.
I saw it myself.
It's true! For the first time in my miserable life I regret every lie I've ever told, because this time I'm telling the truth, and you don't believe me.
William, whether you believe or not will you go with me at dawn? Will you? All right, Dr.
Smith.
You wake me up, and I'll go with you.
Good night.
Good night.
Oh, dear.
I had to warn you.
They're coming after you.
They? Who are they? Dr.
Smith and that Sagramonte that's always chasing you.
Dear me! I must flee.
But where will I go? Once Sagramonte gets on my trail with his hound, I'm done for.
Absolutely done for.
- You must hate him a lot.
- Heavens, no! Whatever put that notion in your head? Quite to the contrary.
In fact, I-- I suppose you think I'm terribly foolish.
Well, what are you going to do if you can't run away? Give poor Sagramonte what he's always wanted-- my head and the glory he has always hungered for.
Oh, I'll put up a fight.
But in the end, I'll let him win.
Now go home, child.
This is one of those times when I'd like to be alone.
Isn't there anything I can do to help? No, thank you, child.
Go now.
Hurry.
[ Sobbing .]
[ Sobbing .]
Shh.
The Beast is in there.
In the cave.
Sure.
Isn't that where you usually find Beasts? In a dark cave? Sagramonte should be along very soon.
Uh-huh.
And then he'll come charging up and run in the cave and there'll be a lot of banging and clanging and then he'll come out all shook up and say he had a fierce fight with a monster.
- May I offer some advice, William? - Sure.
It's cheap.
Keep the eyes and the ears open and the little mouth shut! Now, come along.
We'll find a place to hide.
Ho, Gundemar! 'Tis Sagramonte of Antair who summons thee! Come forth, foul Beast! [ Roaring .]
Come out, Gundemar! Or must I go in after thee? [ Roaring .]
I-I await thee on the field of battle! [ Roaring Continues .]
Hurry, William! Hurry! [ Roaring Continues .]
[ Fanfare .]
[ Barking .]
[ Roaring .]
Dr.
Smith, do something! He'll be killed! It's only make-believe, William.
Just a build-up for a tale to be told among his friends.
- No, it's not! Do something! - This is not our fight.
[ Roaring Continues .]
[ Barking .]
No! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, I said! Both of you! Get behind me, child.
I'll hold the Beast at bay.
Stop it this minute, you silly man.
She doesn't want to hurt anyone.
- She? - [ Gundemar .]
Yes, indeed.
- Did you say "she"? Why that's ridiculous.
- Yes, indeed.
I wouldn't say it's so ridiculous.
Oh! Heaven defend me! I've gone mad.
The Beast speaks! Tell me, good friends, that my ears do not deceive me.
- Did you hear the Beast speak? - Shall we get on with this business? - I-I'm not so sure now.
- Isn't that like a man? After chasing me across the universe for the last 40 years! What did you think you were going to do if you caught me? I don't know.
I never really thought that far ahead, you know.
There was an awful lot going on while I was chasing you.
Of course there were, you silly thing.
We went through eight star systems.
[ Chuckling .]
You must have had a lovely time.
Well, as a matter of fact-- Ah, never mind that now.
What are we going to do? - May I make a suggestion? - Certainly, dear.
The child has remarkably good sense and delightful manners.
Why don't you teleport back to your home planet? - Excellent idea! - And you teleport to yours.
My dear child, I haven't the slightest notion how to teleport myself anywhere least of all as far away as Antair.
- You don't? - Then how did you get here? How'd you travel through all those star systems? Well, I told you.
Enchantment.
Never mind that now.
How did Sagramonte travel through space? As a matter of fact-- - You did it, didn't you? - I suppose I must fess up.
But why? He was chasing you.
And having so much fun doing it.
Those were the happiest years of my life.
And it's all over now.
All over.
My boy, I wanted you here today so that you might learn that there are still such things as honor and faith and truth but it would seem that I've failed even in that.
No, you haven't, sir.
If you'd like to stay here for a while, I'll be your page again.
You-You would? No, my boy.
The quest is ended.
All of a sudden, he looks so old.
He never looked old before-- not really old old, the way he looks now.
His life is ended, unless you do something.
- Me? What can I do? - I think you know.
Yes, child, you're right.
Oh, Sagramonte! Hoo-hoo-hoo! Tra-la-la, Sagramonte! [ Taunting .]
You can't catch me! Ho! Foul and fierce Beast! Durst mock a Knight of Antair? Have at thee! Peek-a-boo! [ Barking .]
[ Muttering .]
Have at thee! En garde! [ Sagramonte's Voice .]
Farewell, dear friends.
Farewell.
[ Barking .]
It isn't the quarry that makes the hunt, nor the goal the game.
What'd you say, Dr.
Smith? A quest sounds like capital fun.
I must try it sometime.
Come along, my dears.
And now the blue one to your right.
Right, ninny, right! Dr.
Smith, what are you doing here? We're supposed to be looking for mineral deposits.
I'm preparing a little treasure for Penny's birthday-- a flower arrangement.
Run along, dear boy, and continue your search.
I shall be right here.
Proceed with caution.
This is an unexplored area.
- Oh, fiddle-dee-fie.
- I'll see you later.
Run along, dear boy.
Mmm.
I think I shall rest my eyes for a bit and thus get a fresher perspective on the problem at hand.
Dr.
Smith! Come here, quick! Yes, yes? Is there no rest for the weary? What is it, my boy? What is it? Look! It looks like the old android machine we found before.
- Why, so it is.
- Come on! Steady, William.
This bog is quite deep.
I'm frightened.
- Now, be careful.
- Now, help me.
My back is extremely delicate today.
- Come on.
- Careful.
Oh! Steady.
Help me down.
There.
Well! Another of those interesting intergalactic mail-order catalogues.
How nice! By pressing buttons and causing pictures to appear on the screen one can order anything one wants in the universe and have it appear immediately.
This one doesn't seem like it's in very good condition, Dr.
Smith.
Never mind appearances.
Just see if it works.
Warning! Warning! Hazardous area.
Return at once, Will Robinson.
The fissure you have crossed is filled with hyperatomic matter.
- Silence, you cackling coward! - The machine also is dangerous.
Nonsense.
Will is very good with machines.
Now, go ahead, William.
See if you can find a suitable present for your dear sister.
Do you think she'd like that? I'm sure she would.
Perhaps you should turn the gold knob and then we will have the vehicle in gold.
It's such a charming metal.
Turn it off!
Last week, as you recall we left Will, Dr.
Smith and the Robot checking the radioactive atomic regulator unaware that an incredible armored warrior was waiting for the moment to attack.
That atomic regulator is secure.
There is no more danger of radioactive poisoning.
It certainly took you long enough, you lugubrious laggard.
Now let us return to camp and build fires against the night.
There may well be alien monsters afoot.
- We're safe with the Robot, Dr.
Smith.
- Safe indeed.
He's about as protective as a leaky umbrella.
- ## [ Trumpet Fanfare .]
- What's that? [ Clanging .]
Good heavens! We're being attacked by aliens! - There's only one, Dr.
Smith.
- The forerunner of an army! I am Sir Sagramonte of Antair and bid defiance! Prepare to do battle or hold yourself captive knight.
He's going to attack! Do something, you cowardly clunk! Hurry! Finish him off! I am sorry.
I can do nothing.
Oh, dear! [ Clanging .]
Do you yield? Help me up, boy.
Yes, sir.
[ Groaning .]
- Well, sir, dost yield to my valor? - I will yield.
Huh.
It's a good thing you said that.
In another instant, I'd have been on you a-hacking and a-hewing and a-cleaving of you plate by plate.
By my faith, Sir Knight, thou art a peculiar knight.
[ Gasps .]
As a matter of fact, sir-- Wha-- Thou wilt speak when thou art spoken to, varlet.
Varlet indeed! How dare you? You happen to be addressing Dr.
Zachary Smith.
'Swounds, Sir Knight! Doth never discipline thy villains? Well, no matter that.
Shall we discuss your ransom, Sir Knight? - I am unable to pay ransom.
- No ransom? That does make things rather messy, doesn't it? I suppose under the rules of chivalry, I've nothing to do but to chop off your head! - No! - Oh, I'm sorry, boy.
Did I not tell you to speak when you are spoken to? - Perhaps you might take a hostage in return-- - Can't stand an impudent varlet-- [ Stammering .]
Hostage, did you say? I guess Dr.
Smith means me.
Quite the contrary, dear boy.
I offer myself.
I shall serve you faithfully until the ransom is paid.
Well, very well, Sir Knight.
I shall take your two retainers as hostage against your ransom.
As for the boy, I shall treat him as my own son, and he shall be my page.
- And the other shall be my varlet.
- Varlet indeed! Are you suggesting that I should perform menial tasks? [ Laughs .]
By my halidom, knave I'll swink thee to the bone before I'm through! [ Whistles .]
- What's that? - Very good, Bayeuth.
Down, good hound, down.
Hast never seen Basking Hound before? And my good Bayeuth is among the best.
'Tis by his keen craft that we shall finally track down and destroy Gundemar.
Gundemar? Who in the world is that? Well, the Questing Beast, of course, dullard! Know thou nothing? - [ Trumpet Blares .]
- [ Whines .]
I shall never hear again.
On with the hunt! [ Whining .]
- Is something wrong? - Oh, not really.
I just don't like the idea of Will being out there alone tonight.
Oh, he'll be perfectly safe.
He's with Smith and the Robot.
You know, all day I've had the strangest feeling as though there's something watching us-- sort of like eyes boring into your back.
Ah, your woman's intuition is showing again.
- Don't you laugh at it.
- Oh, he'll be all right.
Stop worrying about him.
I've set the drill on automatic.
Why don't we go back to the ship? All right.
[ Gasps .]
This is the final ignominy-- a man of my quality reduced to chopping wood.
[ Barking .]
I'm going for more logs.
You shall learn to serve a table, to carve meat and pass dishes with graceful manner.
You must keep my arms burnished my mail well oiled and my harness in good repair.
More, more.
Yes, sir.
I'll do my best, sir.
In return, I shall teach you knightly manners the use of arms the language of courtesy, the art of equitation.
Ow! And I shall only beat you when it is necessary to sharpen thy wits.
Where is it? Well, no matter.
Your lessons shall begin at once.
Fetch me my gauntlets.
Sir? My gloves! They're inside the tent.
Yes, sir.
[ Whining, Barking .]
Psst.
[ Sneezes .]
Shh! Dr.
Smith! What are you doing here? Quiet.
I don't want him to come here and find me.
- He has such a temper.
- Yeah, but what are you doing here? - Seeking information.
- What kind of information? I must know from whence he came.
And most particularly, how did he come? William, he must have a ship, a functioning spacecraft.
- If we can find it, it may prove to be invaluable to all of us.
- You mean steal it.
Certainly not.
We shall borrow it.
And if Sir Sagramonte should ever return to Earth, we will give it back to him.
Some chance! So that's why you volunteered to be a hostage.
Of course.
William, he's taken a fancy to you.
I can see it.
He will confide in you.
Get him to talk.
Perhaps he'll drop a clue as to where his ship lies hidden.
I don't know, Dr.
Smith.
My dear boy, don't be selfish in your scruples.
Think of your dear parents, your sisters.
Think of me.
We are all eager to leave this planet, you know.
- Well-- - [ Sagramonte .]
Boy! - Answer him.
- Coming, sir.
Now think about it, William.
Think about where your duty lies.
Now go.
I don't want him to come here and find me.
[ Sneezes .]
What took you so long, lad? - I wanted to make sure I had the right ones.
- Well, put them on.
Is something troubling thee, boy? - No.
I was just wondering.
- Wondering? - About why you're here on our planet.
- Well, I told thee, boy.
I hunt the Questing Beast, Gundemar.
Here, stick out thy sword.
Oh, well, here.
What kind of a beast is it? Why, it's, uh, beastly, I suppose.
Definitely quite beastly.
[ Mutters, Grunts .]
- There.
- What's it look like? Why, it's, uh, fearsome, I expect.
Yes, I suppose quite fearsome in a general, run-of-the-mill sort of way.
And it probably breatheth fire.
That's natural in that sort of a thing.
And I suppose it hath claws for tearing and rending and teeth for biting and grinding, and, well, you know.
All right, lunge.
No, not there.
- Haven't you ever seen the Beast before? - Of course not! How you talk! One never sees one's Questing Beast until one is face-to-face with it and girt for the final battle.
Well, if you've never seen it, why are you hunting it? Well, it's my quest.
Botheration, boy! You do ask a lot of questions.
Just one more, sir.
What's a quest? A quest? Well, you see, it's the search for the unobtainable; an opportunity to perform some worshipful deeds of valor; a chance to explore one's own soul; the weighing of one's strength and courage.
[ Groans .]
It is that which makes a man young and undefeated e'en after he is no more.
It is-- Well, it-- it's everything.
How long does it last? Until one reaches the unattainable.
Which is never.
Well, enough of that.
Time for victuals.
- Boy, fetch me my napkin.
- Yes, sir.
One napkin.
- Did you find out how he got here? - Not yet.
[ Winces .]
Boy! My napkin! Get him his napkin.
[ Sneezes .]
Pick it up, varlet! You're raising the dust.
I have an extremely delicate back.
I can't.
[ Sneezes .]
Everybody's raising the dust.
- Here's your napkin, sir.
- Oh, thank you.
- Sir? - Oh, what is it, boy? How do you know the Questing Beast is on this planet? I wouldn't be here if it weren't, naturally.
- But how'd you get here? - I don't know.
I think it had something to do with an enchantment.
No, I'm familiar with the modern opinion that there are no such things as enchantments but how else would I find myself on various planets where Gundemar grazes? Now, I have no ship, yet I am transported in a trice from planet to planet, from star system to star system-- yea, from galaxy to galaxy.
[ Grumbles .]
And if that be not enchantment, you tell me what it is.
Then you really don't know how you got here? Well, I said so, didn't I? Oh, botheration.
I tell thee, boy, I know this-- that Gundemar is here, somewhere near.
Sir Sagramonte! Get thee to bed, boy.
We start at dawn.
Look out! - Bayeuth! - [ Barking .]
Good dog.
Good hound, Bayeuth.
Yes, yes, it is time for beddie-bye.
[ Bayeuth Whining .]
Enchantments, enchanters, indeed! All that labor, and what have I to show for it? - All the wood I've chopped and the fires I've built.
- What are you gonna do now? Return to the Jupiter 2, of course.
You didn't suppose that I would stay out here, did you? - Maybe he won't let you.
- We'll leave when he's fallen asleep.
You shall leave when he falls asleep.
I'm not going anywhere.
Of course you're going, aren't you? - Why not? - I want to learn more about the things he talked about.
That babbling nonsense! I don't think a quest is nonsense, Dr.
Smith.
But you don't understand that.
Indeed! This is the final indignity-- a famous gourmet like Zachary Smith reduced to eating scraps from someone else's table.
Very badly seasoned.
[ Sagramonte Shouting .]
Who's there? No one, sir.
No one at all.
Will.
Will, wake up.
Now this is your last chance.
I'm going.
Are you coming with me? - No, Dr.
Smith.
- Then on your own head be it.
Good-bye.
- Be careful, Dr.
Smith.
- Never fear, Smith is here.
[ Sagramonte Snoring .]
- [ Screams .]
- [ Bayeuth Barking .]
- What is it, lad? - It sounded like Dr.
Smith, sir.
- What's wrong with Bayeuth? - [ Barking Continues .]
Gundemar! When the hound shows fear, Gundemar is near.
It's virtually the only way one can find the Questing Beast, you know.
Help me arm, boy.
My sword! My shield! - Oh, I had a horn here somewhere-- - Right around your neck.
- Uh, oh, yes.
Thank you.
Oh, good boy.
Noble boy.
- Here's your sword.
- [ Barking Continues .]
- You gotta go on a diet.
Yes, all right.
Get my shield.
Your advice can come later.
[ Blows Trumpet .]
- Right here.
Here's your shield.
- Oh, thank you, boy.
Fine.
Ho, Gundemar! 'Tis Sir Sagramonte of Antair who challenges thee! Come out, foul Beast, and meet me on the field of battle! Oh, Gundemar, you'll not escape me this time! - That way.
- Oh, yes.
Thank you.
- [ Barking Continues .]
- Wait! Wait.
You forgot your helmet and your lance! What are you doing here? Where are Will and Smith? I have returned to the ship since Will and Dr.
Smith are no longer in my custody.
Their present whereabouts are unknown.
What do you mean, "whereabouts unknown"? They are held hostage by a native of the planet Antair.
You were supposed to protect them.
I can take no action against Sagramonte of Antair since the Prime Directive forbids me to harm human beings.
- Does that mean that the alien is a human being? - Affirmative.
Does he intend them any harm? I am a cybernetic servomechanism and computer.
Uh, I do not know, Professor Robinson.
- You're a great help.
- What's wrong? - Some alien has taken Will and Smith prisoner.
- Ah, that's impossible.
- Is it? - Sure it is.
If an alien ship has landed on this planet, we'd have picked it up.
- There's been no radar warning.
- We could've missed it.
No chance.
I check the tape recordings of the radar every day.
There's no ship on this planet.
All right, then where are they? I don't know.
I'll get some weapons, and we'll take a look for them.
All right.
Don't alarm Judy and Penny but see to it that they don't go too far from the ship till we know what's out there.
All right.
John, please don't let anything happen to Will.
Don't worry, darling.
Where are Dad and Don going? Oh, well, they have some work to do.
Penny, don't you go too far from the ship today.
- Why not? - Because I told you not to.
That isn't much of a reason if you ask me.
[ Whining .]
Where did you come from? You look all worn out, you poor thing.
- [ Barks .]
- What does that mean? [ Barking Continues .]
Here, boy.
Come back.
Come on.
I won't hurt you.
Sir Sagramonte! I wonder where everybody is.
Sir Sagramonte! Sir Sagramonte! Huh? Oh, lad, there you are.
Boy, am I glad to find you.
I looked all night.
Did you find the Questing Beast? Aye, that I did.
Here, help me up.
[ Groaning .]
Oh, thank you.
- You sure look shook up.
- Oh, never did mortal man suffer such a shaking.
Let me down easy now.
Thank you.
It feels as though every bone in my body breaketh.
- The Beast did that to you? - Uh, something did.
- Did you fight it? - Aye.
At least I got in one good cut with my sword.
Oh, lad, it would've done your heart good to hear the Beast.
- Such a caterwauling and howling mortal ear ne'er heard before.
- Then what happened? Beshrew me, lad, I know not what.
Suddenly it was though I was seized by some great wind.
I was sent hurtling through the air clouting against trees, banging against rocks and finally splashing into yonder, uh, uh, pool.
- The Beast did that? - Nay, lad.
'Twas some enchantment set upon me by some enemy I wot not whom.
Oh, woe is me! How can good steel and stout heart stand foul magicking? There really isn't such a thing as enchantment.
No? Then you tell me what it was did that to me? Oh, it was enchantment, sure enough.
Where is Bayeuth? He's missing, sir.
Miss-- Missing, you say? You mean you lost him.
He got away in the dark.
I had my hands full with your helmet and lance, and I'm sorry, sir.
Ah, never mind, lad.
'Twas some enchantment that tolled the poor hound away from thee.
I sure wish you wouldn't talk like that.
Now what are you gonna do? Oh, on with the quest! [ Blows Trumpet .]
Ah, I'm going to sit here and ache a while.
Then later I will rise up and search some more.
Come on! We gotta go find the Beast! Well, later, lad.
Later.
[ Snoring .]
[ Barking .]
All I want to be is friends.
Honestly, I don't see any reason why you have to act like that.
[ Woman .]
It's the nature of the species, my dear.
I b-beg your pardon, ma'am.
Don't stare, child.
It isn't polite.
No, ma'am.
No what? It isn't polite or you won't stare? - You must be explicit, child.
- You can talk.
- Of course I can talk.
- [ Sagramonte Rambling .]
Oh, dear! There's that nasty old Sagramonte baying again.
- Who's Sagramonte? - I'll tell you as we walk along.
Well, I really think I ought to get home now.
My mom told me not to go too far.
Nonsense, my dear! You've reached an age when you should learn about life.
And believe me, dear, I have lived.
Well, uh, maybe some other time.
Dear, you are being impolite.
How did you do that? How would anyone do that? I teleported, naturally.
Naturally.
I haven't had a good talk with anyone for ages.
And besides, I can't let you go home.
Really I can't.
If you told your dear parents, I'm quite sure they'd come a-hunting.
And I'm much too tired for any more of that right now.
Come along, dear.
Let's rest a moment, and then we'll go on.
We must find a hiding place for the day.
- Why do we have to hide? - So we won't be found, of course.
That's a ridiculous answer.
Tut-tut.
Remember your manners, child.
I've always been thankful that I've had good manners.
Oh, I've had my ups and downs, my dear.
No use in trying to conceal the past.
But through it all, I can always say that I was a lady.
- You haven't been listening to a thing I've said.
- My dear-- I want to know where we're going and why.
And if you don't tell me, I won't go on any farther.
What is the younger generation coming to? Very well.
If you must know, I'm being pursued - haunted, tracked down.
- Who's hunting you? A terrible man.
He calls himself Sagramonte of Antair.
Oh, a horrible fellow, my dear! Horrible! - Why is he hunting you? - Heaven only knows.
I've been trying to get the answer to that for the last 40 years.
You mean he's been hunting you for 40 years? Every waking moment of them.
[ Sniffles .]
So far, I've been able to keep ahead of him.
Barely ahead.
But sooner or later, he'll catch up and then-- then he'll cut off my beautiful head with that horrible snickersnee of his.
You poor thing! [ Sobbing .]
Oh, yes! Thank you, my dear.
Have you tried to talk to this man? Tried to reason with him? Heavens, yes! Only last night.
Yes, last night, I approached his camp hoping to communicate with him.
It was useless.
He came charging at me bellowing and roaring and waving his sword.
And if I hadn't teleported at the very last moment he'd have killed me.
Oh, dear, oh, dear! I think I'm going to cry again.
- Here.
- [ Sniffling .]
Oh, dear, oh, dear! Thank you, my dear.
Now, let's go on.
Then did Sir Sagramonte advance himself into the thicket brandishing his sword and calling upon the Beast to give battle.
And the Beast came forth from his lair breathing great fires and destroying all about with the poison of his breath.
Whereupon did Sir Sagramonte girt himself and smote the Beast a mighty smote with his sword! And the Beast did bellow fiercely and come forth apace.
Full long the battle rageth with Sir Sagramonte feinting and foining and driving great blows and receiving as many in return until-- Back! Back, craven coward! Foul Beast! Back! [ Grunting, Panting .]
- What's the matter, boy? - Why are you talking so funny? Funny? Well, there's a certain form to these things, you know? Well, people expect you to build it up a little when you're telling the tale.
Telling the tale is right.
Well, uh, adding all these little details makes it interesting, you know.
Yes, sir.
But now you're making it seem like the fight lasted for hours.
And last night, when you first told me, the whole thing only lasted a few seconds.
- D-Did I say that? - You sure did.
Well, I-I was confused.
The aftermath of a hard fight, you know? - Yeah.
- Well, it's virtually true.
- Virtually.
- 'Swounds! Chide me not, boy, if I embroider a bit.
How would it sound on Antair if I said that I'd only had a little skirmish and all I'd managed to do was cut off a bit of the Beast's tail? Why, they'd laugh me out of the Courts of Honor.
Know you not that he who blows not his own trumpet shall never be heard? [ Laughing .]
You don't have to blow your trumpet to me.
You're angry with me.
Not angry, just disappointed.
Why? Are you disappointed in me? You think me a great blowhard and a liar? Sir Sagramonte last night when you went charging out in the darkness with nothing but your sword and shield I thought you were the bravest, noblest man I've ever known.
And I went looking for you all night because I wanted to learn more about the things you talked about-- like chivalry and courtesy and doing good deeds.
And now-- And now? I don't think I want to be your page any longer, sir.
I see.
Well, in that case, you'd better go.
Yes, sir.
I guess that would be best.
Then go! You don't have to polish your helmet.
I already did that.
Good-bye.
[ Barking .]
So, good Bayeuth, at least thou hast returned to me.
[ Barking .]
- What dost thou say? - [ Barking Continues .]
Is it Gundemar? Have you found the Questing Beast? Aye, I will go with thee.
But first I needs must take my trusty lance my shield, my horn-- Oh, nay.
I feel my heart is not in the chase this day.
Let be.
Let be.
[ Barking .]
This looks like a good hiding place.
Good heavens! A cave! How perfectly delightful.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Uh, go ahead, child.
Investigate it.
- Uh, I'll wait out here.
- Why, you're trembling.
Oh, it's nothing, my dear.
Merely a touch of nerves.
I've always been sensitive, you know.
You're afraid! Not really.
It's, um-- It's just that there might be mice in the cave.
Mice? They're so annoying.
They scurry so.
You're afraid of mice? Certainly not.
- [ Rocks Falling .]
- Oh! Mice! It's nothing.
Come on.
I'll protect you.
Are you sure there are no mice? All you heard were some falling rocks.
Here.
You'd better lie down and rest a while.
Thank you, my dear.
You've been very kind, my dear.
You should be safe here.
I'd better get home now.
My mom will be worried.
Perhaps you can come back later? I'll try.
Oh, then I think I'll take a little nap.
Be careful going home.
[ Penny .]
I will.
- Good night, child.
- Sleep tight, Gundemar.
I'm sure there must be mice.
This place looks mousy.
Oh, Dad, he's back! - Will? - He came in about an hour ago.
What about the alien, the man from Antair? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about.
From the way Will talked, I guess he's just a foolish old man.
I don't know about you two, but I want to get something to eat.
I'll be right along.
I want to talk to Dad for a moment.
- What's the trouble? - I'm worried about Will.
- Will? - There's something withdrawn about him.
Dad, is it possible for a boy his age to become a cynic? Jupiter 2, ahoy! Help! Oh! Oh! Dr.
Smith, what happened? Oh, I did my best, my very best, but to no avail.
Now, pull yourself together.
Tell us what happened.
It was horrible, horrible! Oh, the horror of it all! Memory banks indicate Dr.
Smith is about to pull a fast one.
Silence, you ingot of ingratitude! The poor boy.
But I did my very best.
- Who are you talking about? - My dear little friend Will.
- Who are you talking about? - My dear little friend Will.
- What happened to Will? - We were taken hostage by an alien, as you know.
But thanks to my superior cunning and ingenuity I was able to contrive our escape.
On our way here, we were attacked by a monster.
- A monster, Dr.
Smith? - Did I say one monster? I meant to say several monsters.
- Well, how many monsters? - Four or five, at least.
They were traveling in a pack.
But I placed Will behind me determined to sell his life dearly.
Armed only with a club, I managed to dispose of seven of them.
But, Dr.
Smith, you just said there were five of them.
A slip of the tongue.
There were at least 10.
Don't you believe me? Uh, yeah.
Uh, go on.
We're listening.
Yes, fighting like 10 men-- like 10 madmen-- I managed to draw them away from the place where Will was hiding.
I ran all night with 20 of them hot at my heels.
Now, if there were only 10 in the first place-- No, no, Professor, there were 20.
At least 20.
But I managed to shake them off and return to the cave, where the boy was hiding-- William.
William, I was just telling your family about the terrible things that have happened.
[ Lowering Voice .]
Did you hear everything I said? - I heard you, Dr.
Smith.
- Everything? - Everything.
- William! Yes, Doctor, go on.
You said you had returned to where Will was hiding-- I'm sure you're fully aware that it was all a lie.
May I join you? - Suit yourself.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry about this afternoon.
It's all right.
You were just trying to make yourself out a big hero.
You make it all seem very simple.
Well, isn't it? I mean, don't people do it all the time? Brag and elaborate and then build themselves up? The book's upside-down, Dr.
Smith.
Thank you.
- But there must be some exceptions.
- What exceptions? Your parents.
Major West.
How do I know for sure that they're so special? Will, what has happened to you? Well, let's just say I'm growing up, Dr.
Smith.
There comes a time in every kid's life when he has to get rid of illusions-- like outgrowing fairy tales about knights fighting dragons.
It must be something Sagramonte of Antair did, wasn't it? Dr.
Smith, nobody's to blame.
Let's just say I'm outgrowing my childhood.
Nobody's to blame.
Nobody's ever to blame.
Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, dear William.
It isn't really worth it.
Oh, missed again! [ Sighs .]
I always miss.
Oh.
Thou hast returned, varlet.
Why? Hast discovered some trace of honor in thy worthless hide? What is honor, Sagramonte of Antair? I've asked myself that question through many sleepless hours.
I come of a people who pride themselves on honor and yet I doubt if even one of them knows the meaning of the word.
Tell me about your people.
Well, we are a people so old in civilization and so wise in science that in order to maintain our sanity we've returned to an earlier, simpler age.
- The age of chivalry.
- The age of innocence and childhood.
Of belief in dragons and brave knights and honor.
My young friend Will has left all those things behind.
Yes, I-I saw the loss of innocence in his eyes when he left me.
It was you, sir, who stole it away.
Thinkst I don't know it? Oh, what have I done in this vain hunt for glory? I lied, and the boy heard me lie.
It was a lie that would do no harm-- a gentle lie, an old man's lie to be told to friends at home.
Other men have told such lies about their lives adding a bit of gilt here and a sparkling stone there so that others might discern some merit and glory in what they'd done.
I've spent 40 years on my quest.
Since that time, other men have fulfilled their quest for honor.
I-- I have never even been close to mine.
All I have to show for 40 years of quest is a-- a little scuffle in the night.
And so you lied.
It was only a tale to be told to old men at home.
I lie even to myself.
I lied so that I might win the worship of my fellows.
I have spent 40 years on a quest dedicated to chivalry and only now have I begun to know the meaning of the word.
It means to be kind and gentle, but above all to be true to thine own self, as well as to others.
And now, sir? What will you do now? Go home and be an old man by the fire.
- And what of your quest? - It's ended.
And what of the boy? The damage is beyond repair.
No, not if he sees you as he fancies you-- a brave knight fighting terrible odds for honor and merit.
[ Scoffs .]
No, that is ended now.
No, I'm old and tired, and my Beast is gone.
I know where your Beast can be found.
Can you arrange for the boy to see? Yes, I can.
Why, then, good squire, the boy shall see a pretty fight! Begone! Make all to be ready! Gundemar and I shall meet at dawn! At dawn! [ Chuckles .]
I did it.
Verily, I did it! I did it! Oh, William, the things I do for you.
Will.
Will.
- What is it, Dr.
Smith? - I've just come from Sagramonte.
- I'm not interested.
- You must listen to me.
I said I'm not interested.
I did not risk my life going out into that wilderness tonight to face this kind of rejection from you.
- You must listen.
- All right.
I'm listening.
Sagramonte is going to fight the Beast at dawn.
Did you hear me? Dr.
Smith, you know and I know and even Sagramonte knows that there isn't any Beast.
But there is.
I saw it myself.
It's true! For the first time in my miserable life I regret every lie I've ever told, because this time I'm telling the truth, and you don't believe me.
William, whether you believe or not will you go with me at dawn? Will you? All right, Dr.
Smith.
You wake me up, and I'll go with you.
Good night.
Good night.
Oh, dear.
I had to warn you.
They're coming after you.
They? Who are they? Dr.
Smith and that Sagramonte that's always chasing you.
Dear me! I must flee.
But where will I go? Once Sagramonte gets on my trail with his hound, I'm done for.
Absolutely done for.
- You must hate him a lot.
- Heavens, no! Whatever put that notion in your head? Quite to the contrary.
In fact, I-- I suppose you think I'm terribly foolish.
Well, what are you going to do if you can't run away? Give poor Sagramonte what he's always wanted-- my head and the glory he has always hungered for.
Oh, I'll put up a fight.
But in the end, I'll let him win.
Now go home, child.
This is one of those times when I'd like to be alone.
Isn't there anything I can do to help? No, thank you, child.
Go now.
Hurry.
[ Sobbing .]
[ Sobbing .]
Shh.
The Beast is in there.
In the cave.
Sure.
Isn't that where you usually find Beasts? In a dark cave? Sagramonte should be along very soon.
Uh-huh.
And then he'll come charging up and run in the cave and there'll be a lot of banging and clanging and then he'll come out all shook up and say he had a fierce fight with a monster.
- May I offer some advice, William? - Sure.
It's cheap.
Keep the eyes and the ears open and the little mouth shut! Now, come along.
We'll find a place to hide.
Ho, Gundemar! 'Tis Sagramonte of Antair who summons thee! Come forth, foul Beast! [ Roaring .]
Come out, Gundemar! Or must I go in after thee? [ Roaring .]
I-I await thee on the field of battle! [ Roaring Continues .]
Hurry, William! Hurry! [ Roaring Continues .]
[ Fanfare .]
[ Barking .]
[ Roaring .]
Dr.
Smith, do something! He'll be killed! It's only make-believe, William.
Just a build-up for a tale to be told among his friends.
- No, it's not! Do something! - This is not our fight.
[ Roaring Continues .]
[ Barking .]
No! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, I said! Both of you! Get behind me, child.
I'll hold the Beast at bay.
Stop it this minute, you silly man.
She doesn't want to hurt anyone.
- She? - [ Gundemar .]
Yes, indeed.
- Did you say "she"? Why that's ridiculous.
- Yes, indeed.
I wouldn't say it's so ridiculous.
Oh! Heaven defend me! I've gone mad.
The Beast speaks! Tell me, good friends, that my ears do not deceive me.
- Did you hear the Beast speak? - Shall we get on with this business? - I-I'm not so sure now.
- Isn't that like a man? After chasing me across the universe for the last 40 years! What did you think you were going to do if you caught me? I don't know.
I never really thought that far ahead, you know.
There was an awful lot going on while I was chasing you.
Of course there were, you silly thing.
We went through eight star systems.
[ Chuckling .]
You must have had a lovely time.
Well, as a matter of fact-- Ah, never mind that now.
What are we going to do? - May I make a suggestion? - Certainly, dear.
The child has remarkably good sense and delightful manners.
Why don't you teleport back to your home planet? - Excellent idea! - And you teleport to yours.
My dear child, I haven't the slightest notion how to teleport myself anywhere least of all as far away as Antair.
- You don't? - Then how did you get here? How'd you travel through all those star systems? Well, I told you.
Enchantment.
Never mind that now.
How did Sagramonte travel through space? As a matter of fact-- - You did it, didn't you? - I suppose I must fess up.
But why? He was chasing you.
And having so much fun doing it.
Those were the happiest years of my life.
And it's all over now.
All over.
My boy, I wanted you here today so that you might learn that there are still such things as honor and faith and truth but it would seem that I've failed even in that.
No, you haven't, sir.
If you'd like to stay here for a while, I'll be your page again.
You-You would? No, my boy.
The quest is ended.
All of a sudden, he looks so old.
He never looked old before-- not really old old, the way he looks now.
His life is ended, unless you do something.
- Me? What can I do? - I think you know.
Yes, child, you're right.
Oh, Sagramonte! Hoo-hoo-hoo! Tra-la-la, Sagramonte! [ Taunting .]
You can't catch me! Ho! Foul and fierce Beast! Durst mock a Knight of Antair? Have at thee! Peek-a-boo! [ Barking .]
[ Muttering .]
Have at thee! En garde! [ Sagramonte's Voice .]
Farewell, dear friends.
Farewell.
[ Barking .]
It isn't the quarry that makes the hunt, nor the goal the game.
What'd you say, Dr.
Smith? A quest sounds like capital fun.
I must try it sometime.
Come along, my dears.
And now the blue one to your right.
Right, ninny, right! Dr.
Smith, what are you doing here? We're supposed to be looking for mineral deposits.
I'm preparing a little treasure for Penny's birthday-- a flower arrangement.
Run along, dear boy, and continue your search.
I shall be right here.
Proceed with caution.
This is an unexplored area.
- Oh, fiddle-dee-fie.
- I'll see you later.
Run along, dear boy.
Mmm.
I think I shall rest my eyes for a bit and thus get a fresher perspective on the problem at hand.
Dr.
Smith! Come here, quick! Yes, yes? Is there no rest for the weary? What is it, my boy? What is it? Look! It looks like the old android machine we found before.
- Why, so it is.
- Come on! Steady, William.
This bog is quite deep.
I'm frightened.
- Now, be careful.
- Now, help me.
My back is extremely delicate today.
- Come on.
- Careful.
Oh! Steady.
Help me down.
There.
Well! Another of those interesting intergalactic mail-order catalogues.
How nice! By pressing buttons and causing pictures to appear on the screen one can order anything one wants in the universe and have it appear immediately.
This one doesn't seem like it's in very good condition, Dr.
Smith.
Never mind appearances.
Just see if it works.
Warning! Warning! Hazardous area.
Return at once, Will Robinson.
The fissure you have crossed is filled with hyperatomic matter.
- Silence, you cackling coward! - The machine also is dangerous.
Nonsense.
Will is very good with machines.
Now, go ahead, William.
See if you can find a suitable present for your dear sister.
Do you think she'd like that? I'm sure she would.
Perhaps you should turn the gold knob and then we will have the vehicle in gold.
It's such a charming metal.
Turn it off!