Lucifer (2016) s02e17 Episode Script

1 Previously on Lucifer LUCIFER: Operation "Help Lucifer Escape From the Hospital.
" And you, my dear doctor, are going to help me.
Let's go.
LINDA: The three of you plan to use this Flaming Sword to cut through the gates of Heaven and go home.
- What does Maze think of your plan? - Well, I don't know; I haven't told her.
So what, are you going on a vacation? Lucifer didn't tell you.
We're all going back to Heaven.
LUCIFER: She's been acting very odd recently, on edge.
This obsession with getting home is a bit much, don't you think? MOM: That's because only you, my Lightbringer, can ignite it.
- That's it? - It's all I've got! You have to try harder.
I'm not broken; the sword must be.
This is what Uriel was trying to tell me.
There's another piece missing.
I saw you walking on the runway While I was walking with my baby Thinking that the people of this town are all Lucifer, we need to talk about something.
What Can it wait? I'm busy keeping an eye on our mercurial mother.
No, it's important.
I think you might be in danger.
Is it the Yakuza? The Nephilim? One Million Mums? It's Maze.
She's angry with you, brother.
(laughs) Well, is it Tuesday already? Anger is Maze's default setting, sort of baked into her demon DNA.
No, this is different, Luci.
I think you really need to talk to her.
She'll get over it; she always does.
Right now, we have bigger issues to deal with, like whether or not Mum is wasting our time.
If she believes her client has found another piece of the Flaming Sword, so do I.
Oh, such a loyal son.
But Mum hasn't adapted to this world as well as you might think.
This chap could be conning her.
- I think I'm gonna go make sure - She seems to be doing just fine.
That's not the money, is it? Of course not.
She wouldn't bring it to the meeting.
Oh, no.
Of course not.
I mean, that would be absurd, wouldn't it? She's just showing it to him.
I mean, it's not like she's gonna hand it to him before she gets the piece.
That's great.
And now she's letting him leave.
Marvelous.
Well, that went well.
- LUCIFER: Oh, you think so, do you? - I do.
He has what we need in his safe in the back room.
- Oh.
- He's going to get it right now.
Mum, you just handed him a briefcase full of cash with no proof whatsoever he has what we need.
- And? (scoffs) - You've been conned.
He's a client of mine, darling.
I don't think he'd be that foolhardy.
Oh.
Well, I'm sure he'll be right back.
Maybe we should go check just to be sure.
I think that's a good idea, don't you? Oh.
Huh.
See? He didn't con me.
Look, instead he's dead, and someone robbed him of what's ours much better.
Well, the good news is, after this spectacular bungling, I happen to work with a homicide detective.
If you find the killer, then you'll find our piece of the Flaming Sword.
- Hey, but, Mom - The challenge is making sure we catch the case before some other detective.
- But what about - I may be able to help.
Really? I'm all ears.
(door closes) - Is everything all right here? - Yeah, everything's fine, Maze.
You can, uh, you-you can put away the knives.
We'll be in touch, Dr.
Martin.
Excuse me.
Uh, Maze.
Maze.
Oh, my Lord.
Who the hell was that? That was the chairman of the ethics review board.
- Are you okay? - No.
No, I am not.
No, Maze.
No, no, no, don't, don't.
That won't do any good.
What happened? A couple of weeks ago, I maybe, sort of helped Lucifer break out of a mental institution.
Using my own name.
- It's my fault, really.
- No, it is not your fault.
It is Lucifer's fault.
It's always Lucifer's fault.
First, I find out he's ditching me to go to Heaven, and now he's hurting you.
Look, I'm gonna fix this, Linda.
And then him and I are gonna have a little talk.
Trying to please everybody You just let everyone down One, two one, two, three.
- Hey, I should get my own desk.
- Not happening.
Right next to yours would probably be best.
Definitely not happening.
Why are you hovering over me? I'm not hovering.
I'm just spending time with my partner.
Oh, well, since you're here, why don't you help me with this paperwork.
I could really get used to this, partner.
Right.
Yes, on second thought, maybe a desk in the far corner might - Mm-mm.
- Oh! Ms.
Richards.
Detective Decker.
Just the woman I was hoping to see.
Well, I feel the opposite.
If you'll excuse me.
Hear me out.
A client of mine called.
He sounded very worried.
I think he might be in terrible danger.
Oh, that's awful.
- Detective, we should do something.
- He's at a bar downtown.
Would you come with me and make sure that he's okay? Nope.
- Nope? - I'm a homicide cop.
I do not go around checking on worried criminals like a nanny, Charlotte.
- So if we're done here.
- I heard things.
On a on-on the phone call.
Like? Fingers pointing.
You heard fingers pointing? Very angrily.
Yes.
Also, a gunshot.
Sounded like he was dying, or, um melting? It's hard to tell.
- Charlotte - It sounds worth our time, actually.
Agreed.
Why didn't you just lead with that? The lock's damaged.
LUCIFER: Is it? CHLOE: Looks like you're right.
He's been dead about an hour.
Oh? Impressive guess, Detective.
Uh, I'm assuming from the discoloration.
Well, that wasn't a complete Dumpster fire, but now that we're finished, you can see yourself out.
I'll do nothing of the sort.
Fine.
I'll show you out, if you insist.
I'm not going anywhere.
But the detective and I have got everything handled now.
This is far too important to leave to just the two of you.
- I will stick around.
- Mum.
Besides, we'll get to work together.
Won't that be fun? ELLA: We're running tests for gunshot residue and cocaine.
Should have those in, like, five minutes.
Okay.
Good.
(siren wailing in distance) Oh, Charlotte.
You're still here, huh? Well, he was my client.
I thought I might be of help to the case.
But if not, we could always get her to shoo along and we can carry on with our business.
No.
I'm sure she could be very helpful.
So tell me, why does Zeke Moore, a manager at an import/export company, have you representing him? - Because I'm the best.
- At getting criminals off.
Well, that's not true.
I haven't slept with any of my clients.
- What? - (sighs) You represent the worst of the worst.
So why was Zeke a client? Because he works for Bianca Ruiz.
What? The tequila magnate? Bianca's tequila empire is a front.
She uses the distribution routes to sell guns, drugs, and, oh, yeah, people.
So we've been after her for a long time.
Who do you think did this? A rival of some sort? CHLOE: Well, that's actually a good question.
Ella, what do we have? ELLA: Well, no smoking gun, but poor Zeke here got shot twice.
First in the thigh bullet winged him and then another went through his hand hitting him in the chest.
Probably trying to defend himself.
Too bad you can't catch bullets.
Well, he can't maybe.
I don't think this was a professional hit.
Maybe a robbery gone wrong.
And idea of what was taken? ELLA: Well, trace elements point to cash, cocaine, gunpowder residue, indicating weapons all your basic bad guy stuff.
No sign of forced entry, though.
CHLOE: Which means the killer either knew the combination, or he just waited for the vic to open it to strike.
ELLA: Mm-hmm.
Hey, I got something here.
Cell phone.
No dust on it, so it hasn't been there long.
Well, Zeke had his phone on him, so this one could be the killer's.
Maybe he dropped it during the fight or just didn't have time to retrieve it.
Passcode protected, of course.
But the home screen is two eyes? Human female breasts.
No.
That is a woman's perfectly freckled rump.
CHLOE: So our lead on the killer is a pair of butt-boob-eyes.
It's a great start.
You caught a break When I gave you the time Tell us now, little man, what's what You're the one that had to go show his stuff Oh, you're the one that brought a shotgun Hello, Daniel.
What are you doing here? Ms.
Ruiz there is my client.
Well, she's a real piece of work.
Trying to make me jealous? What do you want from me? You seduce me, you betray me, now you're back.
You have to want something, I just can't figure out what.
I do want something, you're right.
And I'll tell you.
Just somewhere private.
I'm not having sex with you here.
But I need something to pass the time until we get a lead.
I don't understand you.
All right, whatever this is between us.
Well, it's simple, Daniel Espinoza.
I like you.
I get that money That money don't get me (over speakers): Oh, ain't it funny how they all want to be a G I make it happen You guys, it's a record label.
The symbol on the phone we found is the label's logo.
LUCIFER: And they choose to publish this music of their own free will? It's a vanity label.
It exists only to make this one guy's music.
CHLOE: Okay, well, who owns it? - And can you please turn it off? - (music stops) Chet Ruiz.
Bianca's youngest son.
Half our billing goes to keeping him out of jail.
CHLOE: So Bianca's own son robbed and killed one of her most loyal soldiers? The files barely mention Chet.
I didn't know he was actually - part of the family business.
- MOM: He's not.
Bianca tries to keep him as far away from it all as possible.
Maybe he started to resent that, decided to make a play? And then dropped his phone, proving just how right his mother was about him.
(chuckles) CHLOE: Well, if Chet is the killer, this could be our chance to take down Bianca, as well.
Cut off the head of her entire operation.
This could be huge.
Yeah.
Bummer is the phone proves that Chet was in the room but doesn't definitively tie him to the murder.
Dan, why don't you work on hacking the passcode.
I'll have a chat with Chet.
And, Charlotte, thank you so much for your help.
But now that one of your clients is our main suspect, it's best you go.
I don't think I have to go quite yet.
Maybe not, but I think you should.
Bianca's having a party today.
It's the launch of her new tequila.
I'm sure Chet will be there, and I'm invited.
Why do you want to help us now? Because we all want the same thing: to find out who robbed and killed Zeke.
DAN: You know, Chloe, it would be a good chance for us to go undercover.
Gather some intel before they even know we're onto them.
(clears throat) - All right.
- Fine.
Good.
It's settled.
The detective and I will go, so thank you so much for your help.
I don't think so.
The invitation is under my name.
I will go.
Perhaps Detective Espinoza should join me.
No.
Yes, that's not happening.
- Uh, very well.
I'll go with you - No, I'll go with Charlotte.
- But, Detective - No more argument.
Very well.
But I suggest you go shopping.
This isn't the kind of place you can attend in pajamas.
This is ridiculous.
Pajamas? What if Ella goes to the party? That sounds like a great idea.
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much for thinking of me.
But you know what? I'm so busy.
I have been sidelined by my own mother and the detective.
(chuckles): It's absurd.
I won't stand for it.
I am gonna find a way into that party.
MAZE: Do you always whine like this? I don't know how she puts up with it.
Where's Dr.
Linda? Suspended.
Because of you.
Because you have been a terrible, selfish friend.
To her.
Now you're gonna fix it.
Well, gladly, once I figure a way back onto the case.
No, Lucifer.
Now! But I suppose they can handle things without me for the time being.
(chuckles) What's the plan? It'll take two hours to scan the phone.
I'll come to you.
I'll kill some time till it's done.
See you soon.
Hey, man.
You looking for your brother? Or my m um Charlotte? Listen, um are they here? Because I haven't been able to reach them.
No, they took off.
Couple hours ago.
Of course they did.
And why would they bother to let me know? I could try to call them for you.
Don't worry about it, Dan.
I mean, with a brother like Lucifer, I really should be used to this, right? Hey.
What are you doing right now? Late night, she on fire Calling me from numbers I don't recognize Wonderin' if there's somebody else in the room She say that I'm crazy, nah, baby, it's you Shows up to fill her cup I know all she wants is just to get my love I wish we could be just like Johnny and June Charlotte Richards.
Have you seen my plus one? She's a tired-looking blonde.
Probably dressed in something freshly-plucked from the floor.
- Mm-mm.
- Hmm? Damn, she got me good 'Cause I love them bad girls Doing bad things Lookin' hot with an attitude Love them bad girls Like a bad dream Shouldn't want them, but I do Singing ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh Let's get this pajama party started.
And I can't help it, no Damn, it feels good When you're messing with a bad girl.
Gonna have fun tonight I still don't understand why you're helping us.
Bianca's your client.
I'm not the same woman I was when she hired me.
Hmm.
Did you have a change of heart? No, the same heart.
Completely different soul, though.
Hmm.
There's Chet.
I'll go talk to him.
MOM: You know, that's wise.
You seem more his type than me, and you're not particularly intimidating, - so that should help.
- Help what? Well, in seducing him, of course.
I'm not gonna seduce him, Charlotte.
Not with that posture you're not.
- Fine.
I'll do it.
- No.
No.
There's gonna be no seducing.
We just need to get Chet to talk, have him incriminate himself, then we can arrest him and flip him on Bianca.
MOM: You expect him to betray his own mother? One that's given him everything he's ever wanted? Not all kids appreciate what their parents have given them.
Well, that I agree with.
I just think with a little pressure, he'll crack.
Oh, bodyguard.
Maybe he's not as easy to get to as I thought.
MOM: Why would an overprotective mother bring her murderous son to a tequila-fueled party? Well, if her son killed Zeke, she has no idea.
Okay.
I've got an idea.
Gonna have fun Dr.
Linda Martin is an amazing therapist and an incredible woman.
You can't do this to her.
Well, I'm afraid that she brought this on herself.
So, unless there's something specific that you can tell me, there's very little that I can do.
Hmm.
Well, how about proof of all the good she's done? Like this guy.
Lucifer Morningstar.
Oh, that's quite flattering.
The worst patient anyone could ask for.
(gasps) He is a back-stabbing, selfish, narcissistic little devil.
- He's greedy - Is there a-a point to this? Yes, I'm wondering the same thing.
The point is, despite all of that, she went out of her way to help him.
Yeah, she's right.
The doctor has seen a side to me that I hide because it's, well, terrifying.
But she accepted me nonetheless, and she's helped me through issues that I thought insurmountable.
I appreciate the testimonial, and I will include it into the notes.
That's it? Unless you have more evidence to submit.
(Lucifer sighs) Well, she's generous.
As a, as a therapist, as a lover, - a friend - Wait.
- You slept with your therapist.
- What? O-only in the beginning.
Then she decided that I shouldn't pay for therapy with sex.
So, such strong morals, don't you think? - (sighs) - Let's go! What the? Oh, no, no, she saved my life.
I mean, granted, she killed me first, - but I did ask her.
- Oh, my God.
Lucifer.
We actually have been trying to get the formula for Charlotte.
Excuse me.
Oh.
Mmm.
So glad you can make it.
How are the children? They're angels.
But speaking of children What did Chet do now? Run out on another tab? The police suspect him of killing Zeke Moore.
That's impossible.
I have it from a very good source.
I'll get to the bottom of it.
Thank you, Charlotte.
- As always.
- Of course.
Enjoy.
Do your thing Do your thing, get it now What did you do? What could I do? You won't let me drink, my bank account's pretty low lately Zeke Moore.
What did you do? I took care of a problem.
You're welcome.
You don't work for me.
But I should.
Look what I can do.
Yeah, remove one of my best earners? (chuckles) You see, this is why you need me, Ma.
I found out that Zeke was building up his own business.
Smuggling up rare artifacts on the side.
And I was making 30%.
Oh.
Well, I would have known that if you had just given me How do the police know it was you? I may have dropped my phone.
BIANCA: Chet, what was on your phone? Let's go somewhere quieter.
No, Mom.
Mom, Mom.
(muttering) The whole business? I was just trying to learn how the financial part worked, Ma.
You know, prove to you I could be a part of this.
So you saved it on your phone, which the police now have.
Don't worry.
I'm already taking care of it.
Won't be a problem.
Do your thing, get it now Do your thing, get it now What? Hello.
Ooh, ah, I'm tired of my own throne Improv? - Really? - (chuckles) (both laugh) Come on, man, you promised me you wouldn't laugh.
(chuckles) I went through a lot this last year.
And improv sort of helped me reorient myself.
How? Well, it took stepping outside of myself to figure out who I really was.
You know, stop defining myself by other people.
Chloe.
Lucifer.
I see.
So you think I'm defining myself by my brother, yeah? Well, I know from experience, the dude casts a pretty big-ass shadow.
Well, if there is one constant in the universe, it's that Lucifer's the favorite.
No matter what I do.
No matter how hard I work or how much he screws up.
It's never gonna change.
You guys must have competed over everything, huh? (chuckles) I mean, he would never admit it, right? But yeah.
Yeah, everything.
Even women? Eh, I just noticed that you and Lucifer have a weird relationship with Charlotte Richards.
I just thought maybe you guys No, Dan, we are not competing over Charlotte.
Trust me.
At least, not in the way you think.
And if we are, well, obviously I lost.
Because I'm here, with you.
(laughs) - No offense.
- (phone chimes) Yeah, none taken.
Oh, man.
They couldn't crack the passcode.
But, uh, for what it's worth, I like you a hell of a lot more than I like your brother.
(pats back) (chuckles) I know everyone here except you.
What are you doing here? I, uh I'm uh, was I came because, well I love your son's music.
Hi, Chet.
Chet, you're so good.
You're amazing.
Oh, please.
I've seen the sales.
Nobody actually listens to that stuff.
Oh, I listen to it, big-time.
I-I get that money - That money don't get me - Me! Oh, ain't it funny how y'all - Wanna be the G - Wanna be the G - I've heard enough.
- I make it - Yeah.
- That's enough, ma'am.
Chet, you're so good.
- You're dope! - Let's go.
- I love you.
I - I love you more.
(sighs) Dan.
Hey.
Look, that phone I think it is way more important than we thought.
It might be the key to taking down Bianca.
Great.
Now that we've solved that, I can get back to the case and Ooh! God! What?! What? You just made everything worse.
Why am I surprised? Just leave.
Since that's been your plan all along anyway.
Is that what all this has been about? (short laugh) Amenadiel told you about our trip back to Heaven, didn't he? Don't you blame him.
- You - Aah! should have told me.
Well, if you understood the full picture Oh! Stop hitting me.
Then explain.
Well, I'd like to, but you have a tendency - to get emotional about things.
- Aah! Case in point.
So I needed to be controlled, is that it? What the hell am I, Lucifer a pawn in some plan of yours? No, I wouldn't put it like that.
Of course you wouldn't, because that would actually require you understanding how you affect people.
- How you hurt them.
- Oh! Aah! You seem to be the one doing the hurting at the moment.
You don't care about anyone other than yourself.
Unless they can be of use to you.
Sound familiar? Tread very carefully, Maze.
You're just like your parents.
Aah! (yelling) (growling) - Aah! - Oh! (panting) Maybe maybe we should just take a time-out so that you can catch your breath.
Yeah, so you can catch your breath.
And then, I'll get back to kicking your ass.
(groans) See, now I had no idea that you were this mad at me.
You were gonna leave me.
I would never do that.
But you told Amenadiel and your mom that y you were going with them to Heaven.
Well, I didn't say how long for.
Huh? Or what I was gonna do when I got there.
You're playing your own angle.
(both laugh) And you didn't tell me because you needed me to be angry with you - (laughs) - so you could sell your story.
Exactly! (laughs) So, all this was for nothing.
(laughs) Lucifer, that's even worse.
ELLA: This phone could be the key to taking down the entire Ruiz empire.
Yeah, but how do we crack it if cyber couldn't even do it? Time.
That idiot didn't install a program that can remotely wipe the phone.
And it's an older phone with just a four-digit code.
So, what, we just keep trying till we get in? - How long will that take? - There are only 10,000 options.
Well, actually, 9,996 now I took a couple stabs.
So, hey, making progress.
I would say maybe a month.
Well, we can't arrest 'em till we know what's on that phone.
And if they decide to make a run for it All right.
Let's just try to speed it up.
Let's look into Chet's background, let's try and come up with number combinations that might be meaningful to him, all right? Let's go.
Did you guys kill the chairman of the review board? Please tell me you didn't kill him.
Not that he didn't deserve it, the smug, insufferable LUCIFER: No, no.
No one's dead.
We did this to each other.
Though (sighs) when it comes to your case, I fear I may have, um complicated things.
Lucifer told him you used to screw.
- Among other things.
- Oh? Oh.
Well, I guess that's that.
No, that isn't that.
I want to know why she's still upset with me.
Since I'm not currently a practicing doctor of psychiatry, I don't have to lead you on this path of realization; I can just tell you.
Maze is pissed at you because you used her.
Sure.
But for the greater good of our debauchery here in L.
A.
Did you even once think of how this affected her? Of course I did.
Thought about how she might ruin everything by disemboweling my mum or castrating my brother.
I meant her feelings.
- What? - She thought you abandoned her.
That you didn't care how that affected her.
But those sort of things never bothered her be before.
Oh.
Mazikeen.
I didn't realize I should have realized.
Well, my work here is done.
Literally.
So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a very stiff martini.
Linda.
I'll take care of this.
I promise.
Bianca.
Has something happened? Yes.
My son robbed and killed Zeke, as you know.
But then he showed me what Zeke was smuggling.
And for whom.
Now I have it.
And I think it's very important to you, isn't it? - It is.
- Then let's make a deal.
I'll give it to you if you get my son's phone from the police.
(scoffs) That's not possible.
You'll find a way.
Otherwise, I'll make sure that what you want disappears forever.
ELLA: Birthday reverse.
Nope.
Double 69.
Oddly relieved that's not it.
Ms.
Lopez.
We haven't really had the chance to meet.
I know.
I've been looking forward to a formal "hey-ya.
" - S uh - Uh, no, I see you're still working on the phone.
I knew Chet well.
Perhaps I could borrow it, maybe try some combinations? I see through you.
I know you are waiting around for my boy Dan.
Oh.
Caught me red-handed.
And even though most everybody is all like, (clicks tongue) "She a shark, "those dead eyes, don't trust her," when I look at you I see a light.
Did my bandage come undone? So, for now, benefit of the doubt.
But if you ever hurt Dan again, I'll have someone break your legs.
(phone vibrating) Oh, that's my brother.
I've been trying to get ahold of him forever.
Can you watch the phone? Sure.
Thanks.
See? Light.
(chuckles) Start talking.
(sighs) (piano playing dark melody) (elevator bell dings) Ah! (plays Britney Spears' "Oops! I Did it Again") What happened to you? Oh, this.
It's just a little fisticuffs between friends.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with Charlotte Richards.
Ah.
Well, I've had my fill of enlightening conversations for today, thank you.
Lucifer, she told me who she really is, and how you two are related.
I somehow doubt that.
No, it all makes sense.
Why you were so disgusted when I suggested you two had slept together.
Why you act so weird around her in general.
She really told you.
What did she tell you? That she's your father's ex.
Right, yes, no.
That's-that's true.
Right, yeah.
I mean, the way she talked about your dad and-and what he put her through.
Mm-hmm.
Betrayal, torture, Hell, et cetera.
- All true.
- Mm-hmm.
I just cannot imagine raising kids with someone like that.
- Sympathy for the goddess, Detective? - (sighs) Why didn't you just tell me she was your step-mom? Well, it didn't seem that simple to explain.
I mean, how did this all come about, anyway? Well (sighs) I I caught Charlotte trying to steal evidence for Bianca Ruiz.
What? Why would she do that? Well, apparently Bianca figured out that Charlotte and I were working together at the sting.
Bianca threatened Charlotte's family.
I mean, she threatened you if she didn't help.
Well, that sounds plausible, yes.
I don't know.
Something about it doesn't feel right.
I don't know if I can trust her.
Well, I mean, I know I'm biased, but one thing's for certain, Detective: Charlotte Richards will stop at nothing to protect her children.
- You can trust that.
- Hmm.
- Did you bring me what I asked for? - Mm.
As promised.
Make sure it's real.
That it wasn't cloned.
(liquid pouring) To the things a mother will do for her children.
I'll drink to that.
BIANCA: I can't even count the times that Chet has come close to destroying everything I've built.
MOM: Children always find new ways to test us.
She's talking about Amenadiel.
MOM: Put us through hell.
That one's me.
BIANCA: And yet we still protect them.
MOM: Always.
(computer trilling) Now for your side of the bargain.
(gasps) (clears throat) (static crackling) We lost the feed.
- She's up to something.
- Well, no, no, no.
She may have just shorted the bug.
No.
Charlotte Richards is either screwing us over or she's in trouble.
Guys, get ready to go in.
And she better be in trouble.
This opens a safety deposit box.
Inside you'll find what Zeke was smuggling for you.
This isn't what we agreed to.
How do I know you'll hold up your end of the deal? Because I always do.
And quite honestly, I don't see why - you put so much value in - (door opens) Freeze! See your hands! LAPD.
Bianca Ruiz, you're under arrest.
This is absurd.
Charlotte.
Charlotte.
Will no longer be representing you.
You're making a terrible mistake.
Don't touch me.
Charlotte, are you okay? - Yes.
- Lucifer, don't.
Step away.
I need to search her.
Well, I don't think that's necessary, Detective.
- Well, I do.
- It's okay, son.
Fine.
Arms out.
Hmm.
Oh, you're being incredibly thorough.
I like it.
(clears throat) - She's clean.
- Well, I told you, Detective, she's got nothing to hide.
MAN: The phone was still unlocked.
We have everything.
Seems like we do.
Let's, uh A book? That's what Zeke smuggled for me? Is this a joke? Well, if it were, I would have chosen something funnier, like Douglas Adams or Freud.
Are you certain that this is all that was in the safety deposit box? - (sighs) - Well, how is a book supposed to ignite the sword? Maybe it's an instruction manual.
MOM: In an ancient language I can't read.
Wonderful.
Here.
Wh I can't read it.
But you speak every language.
Speak, not read.
I've always found tongues much more useful than books.
So whatever language this is It's Sumerian.
Unlike some of us who had everything handed to him, I actually spent my youth studying.
(chuckles) Excellent.
My smart boy.
How-how quickly can you translate it? Um, should only take me a few days.
- (chuckles) - Days? I don't have that kind of time.
Mum, why have you got your knickers in such a twist? Is there a reason why you're in such a rush lately? I-I'm just anxious to see the rest of the family.
Please start translating.
There's something going on with her.
Yeah.
Or it's just that time of the millennium.
What? Excuse me.
Not this time.
(knocks) - Hey.
- Hey.
Congrats on nabbing Queen Tequila.
Well, Chet's still out there, so this isn't over until I find him.
You and Charlotte Richards that is the most awkward team-up of the century.
(chuckles) Actually, it wasn't as bad as I expected.
I learned a lot of eye-opening things about her.
That's for sure.
Like her being Lucifer's step-mom.
- Had no idea - Wait a minute.
She step-mom? Yeah.
Yes.
That makes a weird amount of sense, actually.
Dan, I want you to be careful with her.
There's something about her I don't trust.
I'm gonna be fine, Chloe.
- Wait.
One more thing.
- Yeah.
If you married her, you'd kind of be like Lucifer's dad.
(laughs) - Oh, my God.
- Right? It's so, so messed up.
I'm glad you agreed to meet me.
Well, of course I did.
I knew that book couldn't be it.
Well, come on.
Hand it over.
I need what Zeke really smuggled.
Now.
Mm.
A knife.
We already have (grunts) (gasping) My life is ruined! I don't want to go to prison.
This is all your fault! (panting) (groans) You didn't plan a fight (gasps) Thought I was weak - But you underestimated me - (groans) - (panting, groans loudly) - Didn't you, baby? If I'm bad, you're worse You cut and haunt me like a curse You've got those cruel intentions.
(playing gentle melody) Who knew translating could be so exhausting.
(chuckles) (sighs) Listen, I think I found something.
Huh? God shattered the Flaming Sword into three distinct pieces.
"The Blade of Death.
" LUCIFER: Azrael's.
AMENADIEL: "The Medallion of Life.
" LUCIFER: Johnson's belt buckle.
And the key that binds them all together.
Well, keys don't bind, they unlock.
I think someone needs to go back to translation school.
(gentle melody continues) And guess who has the key.
Well, don't leave me in suspense.
Who is it, brother? It says that God entrusted the key to his favorite son.
(sighs) Of course he gave it to you.
It's always you, isn't it? Well, what are you talking about? The only keys I've got are these.
(plays notes) What else did you bring with you to Earth, Luci? (chuckles softly) Your ring.
I've never seen you without it; maybe that's the key.
Well, the key to completing my ensemble maybe.
Here.
Try and attach your ring to this.
- Brother.
- Just do it.
And we'll confirm what we already know.
- Brother - That Father's favorite, despite everything that you have done, is and always has been you.
Look down.
(gasping) LUCIFER: Is that the key around your neck or are you just happy to see me? He entrusted it to you, brother.