Speechless (2016) s02e17 Episode Script
A-C– ACTION
1 Jimmy, when's the landlord coming to get the new lease? - [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- CARL: Landlord.
Uh, I think sometime this morning? We're not ready for him.
I don't know.
We covered all the holes with bad art and creative furniture placement.
I don't see any major lease violations.
[PEPPER PANTING.]
What do you think, jor lease violation? - Well, hide him.
- [KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
[BABY TALKING.]
Come here, Pepper.
Come here.
Come here! [PEPPER GRUMBLES.]
Is this how people feel when they ask me to do things? - Yep.
- Mm.
[GRUNTS.]
[STRAINING.]
Mother of MAYA: We'll be right there! Fetch! Lazy millennials.
[WHEELCHAIR WHIRRING.]
How? MAYA: [BABY TALKING.]
Come on, Pepper.
Come on.
[WHISPERING.]
Yes! Oh, so sorry, won't you please come in? You sign the new lease? Yes.
Enjoy your year.
How did you get out? Where's Dylan? DYLAN: He locked me in here! Well played, darling.
[SIGHING HEAVILY.]
I have some dumb journalism project for stupid English class where I have to interview a family member.
Mom, what's Grandpa's number? Dylan, your mother hasn't talked to her father in 20 years.
Okay.
I'll just interview the dog then.
Wait, how do you not know that? Has it never crossed your mind that you've not once met the man? And don't you want to know why she hasn't spoken to him in 20 years? I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest that journalism is not in your future.
Dylan my father and I were once very close, but that all changed when I returned home from America in 1998 with the love of my life, Jimmy DiMeo.
My father didn't approve.
He said that if we were to get married, he would never speak to me again.
So I looked him in the eye and I said something that I never thought I'd say Cool, I think I have enough for my project now.
Thanks.
Dylan, my heart is breaking over Taylor.
Let a boy listen to his mother's love story.
I said to my father "Goodbye forever.
" Painful? Yes.
But right and good because, you know, that is what I strive to be.
[CONSTRUCTION MACHINERY WHIRRING.]
If those bloody neighbors don't shut up, I'm gonna go over there and eat their children! They're not supposed to start construction for an hour.
Do you know what? Someone's got to go over there and talk to them, and that somebody has got to be [SNORES.]
diplomatic.
Who's it gonna be? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
I left my country for you.
And that beats scissors.
[SIGHS.]
MR.
POWERS: Ladies and gentlemen, to announce the winner of our annual Weekend Film Challenge Mr.
Powers and Mr.
Powers! [GASPS.]
Nice tie.
Where'd you get it? Uh, there.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
Class, you've all read each other's scripts and voted.
The winner now gets to direct his or her film to be screened for the student body with the unlimited resources of the entire Lafayette High Film Department! - AKA, $10.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, you! [WHISPERING.]
That's all we need.
Two of this guy.
Hey, can we keep the chatter down? Whoa.
Okay, I'm on board.
And the winner is Ahhhh [GASPS.]
- JJ DiMeo! - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
I read for that guy! "Whoa, I won?" That's awesome, JJ.
Can I be your assistant director? Quiet on set! I guess that's better than you quoting movies all day.
I'm the king of the world! We will be shooting JJ's short horror film "The Hall.
" [GASPS.]
Winner, here is our class's director's megaphone.
[GASPS.]
Oh.
Actually, JJ may not have much use for this.
Just run on up here and grab it.
He can't! Stop it! - Now, let me hear you yell, "Action"! - Stop it! Aw, you can yell it louder than that! I did not think this through.
Oh Mom's memory box.
Looks like someone was bitten by the family-history bug.
Please.
I just need a visual aid for my dumb journalism project.
Their wedding video.
Done.
Wait, where's the screen on this sucker? You put it in the machine and press play.
[GROANS.]
Journalism is so hard! [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[SIGHS.]
- [TELEVISION BEEPS.]
- There's my handsome groom.
Oh, I love you.
Huh? That isn't Dad.
MAYA: Dylan, go and walk Pepper! - Just a sec! - Now! - [SIGHS.]
- [TELEVISION BEEPS.]
[BABY TALKING.]
Come on, Pepper! [DOOR CLOSES.]
MAYA: Dylan? - Where's the tape? - What tape? I thought it was you and Dad's wedding tape, but it wasn't.
- Did you take it? - Huh? I thought you were supposed to walk Pepper.
- I-I just did.
- Well, do it again.
Look at him, he's bursting with energy.
[PEPPER WHIMPERS.]
[PEPPER GRUMBLES.]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
She knows.
MAYA AND JIMMY: For he's a jolly promising director - Who owes it all to his mom - Who owes it all to his dad Guess you didn't read my text about JJ asking we not make this a big deal.
- Not a big deal? - [LAUGHING.]
Read you texts? It's a tremendous deal.
Aren't you so excited? "Of course, but it's a student film made by a nonverbal director.
- Let's keep the bar low.
" - Can I be in it? "Not that low.
" Look, I'm dying for a way to win Taylor back.
If I can be the star of a movie, say something badass, save the day - "Dead body.
Face down.
" - Yes! Do you have a role for your dad? - [YELLING, POUNDING.]
- More noise from the neighbors! I thought you said you talked to them.
Are you kidding me? I went right over there the second we spoke.
Yeah, don't cast me.
I can't act.
Eddie, d-do you have a second? Hey.
Sorry.
Guys, can we hold the work, please? - [CONSTRUCTION CONTINUES.]
- Torbjorn! This is gonna sound really bad by the way, but if you're ever hiring workers, don't hire Norwegian.
What's up? Well, I'm actually here about the construction noise.
It's going on all hours.
Jimmy, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
I think these guys are so used to Arctic sun hours that someone needs to remind them they're working [LOUDLY.]
below the 66th parallel! [CONSTRUCTION STOPS.]
- It won't happen again.
- Great.
- All right.
- Thanks.
Are these, uh, the plans for the addition? - You mind if I take a look? - Sure.
- You know anything about this stuff? - A little.
I-I went to school for architecture.
And it looks like Torbjorn is pouring foundational concrete for a wall where the skylight's supposed to go.
Really? Dang it, Torbjorn! That work took you tre timer! Thanks, Jimbo.
Hey, would you mind taking a look at the rest of these plans? Ah, that's not really a good idea.
I came here to stop the work.
I'm really out of my element.
I-I could use an architect's eye on this.
Architect's eye? Well, no one's ever called my eye an architect's eye before.
Uh - Okay! - All right! Thank you so much.
Yeah, it turns out neighbors aren't just for stealing cable.
- What's that? - Let's do this! Silence, everyone.
Our director has arrived.
JJ, I got to thinking about how we could better adapt to your needs.
So, for starters, we know how important it is for a director to be able to express himself, so we made you a custom communication board.
Yeah, with phrases like "lights," "camera," and "Great take, Mr.
Powers!" No pressure, just if.
"This is so thoughtful.
Thank you.
" That's not all.
Wireless monitors so you can watch the camera feed from your chair.
Brand-new editing software that can be controlled with eye movement.
[CHUCKLING.]
I mean "Wow.
Guess my movie better be good.
" Not done! Everyone! YOUNG MAN: Hey, JJ.
When word got out that you were taking this on, a few more people wanted to help in any way that they could.
Now nothing will stop you from sharing your brilliant vision with the world.
So what is it? KENNETH: Dead guy.
Face down.
Good rehearsal.
JJ! Time for the big shoot! Hey.
Oh What happened to you? "I didn't sleep last night.
" Yeah, probably too many brilliant ideas popping around in your head.
"I had to puke four times.
" Man, your process fascinates me.
Let's go! Dead guy, you want a ride to the set? Yes, please.
That was a test.
Do you want a ride? Suit yourself.
No ride.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- No, guys, I was just kidding! I'm coming! Don't leave without me! Dylan, I think I found the tape you're looking for.
Yes, that's it! Put it in.
[TELEVISION BEEPS, GUESTS CHEERING ON VIDEO.]
Oh, look at that.
It was just my wedding video all along.
No, I-I don't think that's it.
I think you were wearing a different dress.
Oh, and you were all over this guy with silver hair.
Let me look at the tape.
- [TELEVISION BEEPS.]
- You are confused, Dylan.
Let's just put this to bed, shall we? You're right, Mom.
It's the same tape.
[CHUCKLES.]
It is the same tape.
[CASSETTE CLATTERS.]
From now on, - we sleep in shifts.
- [PEPPER WHIMPERS.]
I call nights.
You're blowing your southern exposure on a foundational wall.
So I flipped the whole thing, regraded the hill, and saved you some room for a gazebo.
- Wow, Jimbo! - Yeah, I was just having some fun.
I looked over your original plans.
- They're good to go.
- Are you kidding me? - We're going with the gazebo plan.
- Are you serious? You want to do the thing I designed? Heck, yeah.
What else you got? Well, before I landed on the gazebo, I drew up some ideas for some different additions.
Uh, a guest house, uh, maybe a Japanese rock garden I mean, obviously you don't have room for all of this.
I love my architect! I love being called an architect! - [LAUGHS.]
- Ha-ha! [SPEAKING NORWEGIAN.]
[WORKERS LAUGHING.]
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
AARON: "And action on rehearsal.
" [PANTING.]
Aah! Go! Go! Go! He's killing everyone! [KEYS JINGLING.]
No! [SCREAMS.]
[PANTING.]
MR.
POWERS: And [GIRL CONTINUES GASPING.]
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand "Cut!" Any thoughts, JJ? "I don't know.
Do any of you have thoughts?" Uh, actually, yeah.
What if we threw in some jokes? I think that would really subvert the genre.
Off that, I can if you like my character wouldn't let herself just die.
The character of "Dying Girl"? RAY: If we're opening up this box, one thing Taylor would love I've been working on a character that's like a James Bond of today's world Playboy, but all about consent.
What's his name? Um, JJ, any thoughts? "What's his name?" [SIGHS.]
[BOX CLATTERS.]
[THE CHAMPS' "TEQUILA" PLAYS LOUDLY.]
- What are you doing? - So no one will hear us.
Yeah, I also can't hear us.
Something's up with Mom.
I found a video of her wearing a wedding dress, but you weren't in it.
Please, you probably just missed me.
People said I was the most unremarkable groom they'd ever seen.
No, she was with some other guy, and when I asked her about it, she got all shifty.
She's hiding something.
I know it.
MAYA: Know what? What's going on in here? We were just having a dance party.
Oh, great.
I love dance parties.
Tequila [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Oh! Kenneth, you're right on time.
We're watching a cut of the scene we shot.
Well, I'm a tough critic.
I almost didn't like "The Emoji Movie.
" [TELEVISION BEEPS, VIDEO PLAYS.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS.]
[PANTING.]
- First try.
- Luck.
No.
Skill.
Wait.
Why was the murder replaced with sexy banter? Shh, shh, shh.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
Going somewhere? What's Ray doing in Maya's raincoat? But you're Then who is Nick Mustang.
And I'm his twin.
And we're here to kick some Language! - [DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES.]
- Come on.
[CANNED PUNCHES, GRUNTING.]
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
Are you comfortable with this? You know it, Nick Mustang.
Ray is playing two characters? They catch the killer in the first scene? No, this has gone off the rails.
I need to talk to the director, if he's still in there.
Everyone out.
Actually, I'm not sure you have that sort of authority over me.
Okay, you know what? That's fine.
That's fine.
Let's move it, people! [MACHINERY GRINDING.]
So we want to be loud, do we? Let's be loud! MAYA: Oi! My husband has emphasized multiple times the importance of keeping the noise level down! I will not have my husband disres This thing rocks! Ha ha Oh.
[DRILL POWERING OFF.]
Please kill me with it? RAY: And I'm his twin.
And we're here to ki [WHISTLES EMPHATICALLY.]
Well, that did not get better with the second viewing.
Is this what you really wanted? Okay, that acting is worse than Rick Mustang.
Nick Mustang.
Who's Rick Mustang? What happened to the movie you wanted to make? [SIGHS.]
RAY: "It was too hard.
" I know they really tried to set you up for success.
"They did.
That's kind of the problem.
I had no excuses.
" You hate when people make excuses for you.
"I do.
But I guess I like to know they're there.
Without excuses, I'm just some guy who might suck.
And all these people believe in me.
" Hm.
Well, if that's the problem, uh I'll be honest I don't think you can do it.
"Go on.
" Well, uh I think you're a hack.
I think you need those excuses.
You? Make a movie? - Pfft! - No way.
When the scene ends, he can't even yell "Cut!" There is it.
So, how about us? Do, uh, we get the part of "Guys who don't believe in you"? - "Next!" - "Next!" That's cold, man.
You went over there to shut them down, not do architecture with them.
Well, I'm sorry.
I'm I'm weak.
Is this the first time? I mean, how many others have there been? The Finns just added a pool house.
Was that you? This is the first time, and [SIGHS.]
I loved it.
I miss it, but i-it's over.
It was stupid.
Well, if you love it, it's not stupid.
How much are they paying you? Uh, nothing.
Well, that is stupid.
- I think you should go for it.
- What? Well, you love architecture.
You're good at it.
So do it.
You shouldn't do it halfway.
You tell that Eddie if he wants your ideas, he's got to pay for your brilliant brain.
You deserve that much.
[SIGHS.]
I never thought I'd say this, but I love you more than Eddie.
Nice wall, Jimmy.
Yeah! I still got it! I found more photos of Mom with that silver-haired man from the video.
I don't understand.
Who is this guy? Put some shoes on.
I'm take you for yogurt.
We'll talk.
Okay, now we can talk.
Oh, good.
I love talking.
Mom? - Where's Dad? - He couldn't make it.
But I'm going to take you to the yogurt place and we can talk.
[CAR DOORS LOCKING.]
- Buckle up.
- [ENGINE STARTS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
All right, kids, before we dive into this scene, a word Only one voice matters now.
"Get out your" O-R "original scripts.
Anyone have any "S-U " suggestions? Too bad.
Let's make my movie!" [STUDENTS APPLAUD.]
So, darling, I heard you've been developing some wild, crazy theories.
And I wanted to let you know what I do when I'm confused with wild, untrue theories.
I forget them.
I [SCREAMS.]
What are you doing?! This isn't the way to the frozen-yogurt place! Yes, it is! I'm taking you to the one you love with all the mix-ins.
Oh, yeah.
I love that place.
What the bloody hell did you - think I was doing?! - I don't know! All I know is you really don't want me to know what's on that tape.
What could be so bad? Okay.
You're right.
This has gone on long enough.
I told you a story about why I don't speak to my father.
And in it, I was noble and dignified, and that's Well, it's a fantasy.
No more lies.
I had a very complicated relationship with your grandfather.
[LAUGHING.]
Those two would get into it, man.
When they got going it was [STOPS LAUGHING.]
a painful memory.
Be cool, kids.
That video that Dylan found [CLEARS THROAT.]
it wasn't our wedding day.
It was actually, uh, the straw that broke the camel's back.
So, you didn't choose love? No, on that day, I chose immaturity and 15 killer margaritas.
[VCR CLATTERS.]
- [TELEVISION BEEPS.]
- Ha! I don't understand.
You said it wasn't your wedding.
No, it was not.
So, you wore a wedding dress to someone else's wedding? That's, like, the worst thing ever.
No, it was not.
I don't want to go! My father was getting remarried, - and I didn't approve.
- [LAUGHS.]
I wasn't invited, and Aah! It was It was It was denser than you'd imagine.
- I got - [SCREAMING.]
It was a thick cake.
Oh, God.
Yep.
That That seems like the right place to stop.
Yeah, my father was very upset.
His wife was furious.
And I've tried over the years to apologize, but, uh, nothing.
"But why lie to us?" Because I'm ashamed! My terrible behavior is the reason that you don't have a relationship with your grandfather.
Maybe it's time to call him again.
Oh, I don't know.
It's been so bloody long.
Well, maybe I'm almost ready, now that it's all out in the open again.
Thanks to some crack journalism from Dylan.
Did I blow the lid off something? I'm gonna get a "B"! [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS.]
You have locker 49? Doesn't everyone with that locker end up dead? I'm not worried about it.
[WHISPERING.]
Why isn't she worried about it? [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS, GIRLS SCREAMING.]
Aah! Aah! Oh [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS.]
No, don't go in there.
Don't go in there! - [SCREAMS.]
- [ALL GASP.]
Oh, no! Hell, no! I'm gonna grade this later! This is crazy! [SCREAMS.]
Clean up at locker 49 Dad.
[BEEPING, TICKING.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Pretty good, man.
Wow.
Dude, they love it.
"I'll never question anything I do ever again.
" That is not the lesson.
EDDIE: They also messed this part up, so we gotta redo We actually have to redo this whole thing.
- Jimbo! - Hey, Eddie.
I I have kind of, uh an important question for you.
Oh, yeah? I actually have an important question for you.
Why is my landlord here? Uh, I wanna buy your house.
Actually, that's not a question, is it? You wanna buy my house? How? Why? What? The wife was so thrilled with your sun-room plans that I showed her the rest of them, and she was like, "Build it all.
" I was like, "Well, da doy, Marilyn.
We don't have enough room on our property.
" She was like, "Well, da doy yourself, Eddie.
Why don't we just buy the neighbor's property and expand?" So I, uh, called the old landlord here, made an offer.
Hey, do you wanna be our official architect? No! You You can't do this! We just signed a new lease.
Carl? I was just saying that.
Great.
That's settled.
We're never gonna speak of this again.
[PEPPER BARKS.]
Is there a dog barking in your yard? Why Why would there be a dog in our backyard? We are not allowed to have dogs, and dogs know this.
- Speak! - [PEPPER BARKS.]
Hello, lease violation.
You've got a deal.
Let's say out by the end of the month? Sure.
Now you obey a command.
- CARL: Landlord.
Uh, I think sometime this morning? We're not ready for him.
I don't know.
We covered all the holes with bad art and creative furniture placement.
I don't see any major lease violations.
[PEPPER PANTING.]
What do you think, jor lease violation? - Well, hide him.
- [KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
[BABY TALKING.]
Come here, Pepper.
Come here.
Come here! [PEPPER GRUMBLES.]
Is this how people feel when they ask me to do things? - Yep.
- Mm.
[GRUNTS.]
[STRAINING.]
Mother of MAYA: We'll be right there! Fetch! Lazy millennials.
[WHEELCHAIR WHIRRING.]
How? MAYA: [BABY TALKING.]
Come on, Pepper.
Come on.
[WHISPERING.]
Yes! Oh, so sorry, won't you please come in? You sign the new lease? Yes.
Enjoy your year.
How did you get out? Where's Dylan? DYLAN: He locked me in here! Well played, darling.
[SIGHING HEAVILY.]
I have some dumb journalism project for stupid English class where I have to interview a family member.
Mom, what's Grandpa's number? Dylan, your mother hasn't talked to her father in 20 years.
Okay.
I'll just interview the dog then.
Wait, how do you not know that? Has it never crossed your mind that you've not once met the man? And don't you want to know why she hasn't spoken to him in 20 years? I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest that journalism is not in your future.
Dylan my father and I were once very close, but that all changed when I returned home from America in 1998 with the love of my life, Jimmy DiMeo.
My father didn't approve.
He said that if we were to get married, he would never speak to me again.
So I looked him in the eye and I said something that I never thought I'd say Cool, I think I have enough for my project now.
Thanks.
Dylan, my heart is breaking over Taylor.
Let a boy listen to his mother's love story.
I said to my father "Goodbye forever.
" Painful? Yes.
But right and good because, you know, that is what I strive to be.
[CONSTRUCTION MACHINERY WHIRRING.]
If those bloody neighbors don't shut up, I'm gonna go over there and eat their children! They're not supposed to start construction for an hour.
Do you know what? Someone's got to go over there and talk to them, and that somebody has got to be [SNORES.]
diplomatic.
Who's it gonna be? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
I left my country for you.
And that beats scissors.
[SIGHS.]
MR.
POWERS: Ladies and gentlemen, to announce the winner of our annual Weekend Film Challenge Mr.
Powers and Mr.
Powers! [GASPS.]
Nice tie.
Where'd you get it? Uh, there.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
Class, you've all read each other's scripts and voted.
The winner now gets to direct his or her film to be screened for the student body with the unlimited resources of the entire Lafayette High Film Department! - AKA, $10.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh, you! [WHISPERING.]
That's all we need.
Two of this guy.
Hey, can we keep the chatter down? Whoa.
Okay, I'm on board.
And the winner is Ahhhh [GASPS.]
- JJ DiMeo! - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
I read for that guy! "Whoa, I won?" That's awesome, JJ.
Can I be your assistant director? Quiet on set! I guess that's better than you quoting movies all day.
I'm the king of the world! We will be shooting JJ's short horror film "The Hall.
" [GASPS.]
Winner, here is our class's director's megaphone.
[GASPS.]
Oh.
Actually, JJ may not have much use for this.
Just run on up here and grab it.
He can't! Stop it! - Now, let me hear you yell, "Action"! - Stop it! Aw, you can yell it louder than that! I did not think this through.
Oh Mom's memory box.
Looks like someone was bitten by the family-history bug.
Please.
I just need a visual aid for my dumb journalism project.
Their wedding video.
Done.
Wait, where's the screen on this sucker? You put it in the machine and press play.
[GROANS.]
Journalism is so hard! [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[SIGHS.]
- [TELEVISION BEEPS.]
- There's my handsome groom.
Oh, I love you.
Huh? That isn't Dad.
MAYA: Dylan, go and walk Pepper! - Just a sec! - Now! - [SIGHS.]
- [TELEVISION BEEPS.]
[BABY TALKING.]
Come on, Pepper! [DOOR CLOSES.]
MAYA: Dylan? - Where's the tape? - What tape? I thought it was you and Dad's wedding tape, but it wasn't.
- Did you take it? - Huh? I thought you were supposed to walk Pepper.
- I-I just did.
- Well, do it again.
Look at him, he's bursting with energy.
[PEPPER WHIMPERS.]
[PEPPER GRUMBLES.]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
She knows.
MAYA AND JIMMY: For he's a jolly promising director - Who owes it all to his mom - Who owes it all to his dad Guess you didn't read my text about JJ asking we not make this a big deal.
- Not a big deal? - [LAUGHING.]
Read you texts? It's a tremendous deal.
Aren't you so excited? "Of course, but it's a student film made by a nonverbal director.
- Let's keep the bar low.
" - Can I be in it? "Not that low.
" Look, I'm dying for a way to win Taylor back.
If I can be the star of a movie, say something badass, save the day - "Dead body.
Face down.
" - Yes! Do you have a role for your dad? - [YELLING, POUNDING.]
- More noise from the neighbors! I thought you said you talked to them.
Are you kidding me? I went right over there the second we spoke.
Yeah, don't cast me.
I can't act.
Eddie, d-do you have a second? Hey.
Sorry.
Guys, can we hold the work, please? - [CONSTRUCTION CONTINUES.]
- Torbjorn! This is gonna sound really bad by the way, but if you're ever hiring workers, don't hire Norwegian.
What's up? Well, I'm actually here about the construction noise.
It's going on all hours.
Jimmy, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
I think these guys are so used to Arctic sun hours that someone needs to remind them they're working [LOUDLY.]
below the 66th parallel! [CONSTRUCTION STOPS.]
- It won't happen again.
- Great.
- All right.
- Thanks.
Are these, uh, the plans for the addition? - You mind if I take a look? - Sure.
- You know anything about this stuff? - A little.
I-I went to school for architecture.
And it looks like Torbjorn is pouring foundational concrete for a wall where the skylight's supposed to go.
Really? Dang it, Torbjorn! That work took you tre timer! Thanks, Jimbo.
Hey, would you mind taking a look at the rest of these plans? Ah, that's not really a good idea.
I came here to stop the work.
I'm really out of my element.
I-I could use an architect's eye on this.
Architect's eye? Well, no one's ever called my eye an architect's eye before.
Uh - Okay! - All right! Thank you so much.
Yeah, it turns out neighbors aren't just for stealing cable.
- What's that? - Let's do this! Silence, everyone.
Our director has arrived.
JJ, I got to thinking about how we could better adapt to your needs.
So, for starters, we know how important it is for a director to be able to express himself, so we made you a custom communication board.
Yeah, with phrases like "lights," "camera," and "Great take, Mr.
Powers!" No pressure, just if.
"This is so thoughtful.
Thank you.
" That's not all.
Wireless monitors so you can watch the camera feed from your chair.
Brand-new editing software that can be controlled with eye movement.
[CHUCKLING.]
I mean "Wow.
Guess my movie better be good.
" Not done! Everyone! YOUNG MAN: Hey, JJ.
When word got out that you were taking this on, a few more people wanted to help in any way that they could.
Now nothing will stop you from sharing your brilliant vision with the world.
So what is it? KENNETH: Dead guy.
Face down.
Good rehearsal.
JJ! Time for the big shoot! Hey.
Oh What happened to you? "I didn't sleep last night.
" Yeah, probably too many brilliant ideas popping around in your head.
"I had to puke four times.
" Man, your process fascinates me.
Let's go! Dead guy, you want a ride to the set? Yes, please.
That was a test.
Do you want a ride? Suit yourself.
No ride.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- No, guys, I was just kidding! I'm coming! Don't leave without me! Dylan, I think I found the tape you're looking for.
Yes, that's it! Put it in.
[TELEVISION BEEPS, GUESTS CHEERING ON VIDEO.]
Oh, look at that.
It was just my wedding video all along.
No, I-I don't think that's it.
I think you were wearing a different dress.
Oh, and you were all over this guy with silver hair.
Let me look at the tape.
- [TELEVISION BEEPS.]
- You are confused, Dylan.
Let's just put this to bed, shall we? You're right, Mom.
It's the same tape.
[CHUCKLES.]
It is the same tape.
[CASSETTE CLATTERS.]
From now on, - we sleep in shifts.
- [PEPPER WHIMPERS.]
I call nights.
You're blowing your southern exposure on a foundational wall.
So I flipped the whole thing, regraded the hill, and saved you some room for a gazebo.
- Wow, Jimbo! - Yeah, I was just having some fun.
I looked over your original plans.
- They're good to go.
- Are you kidding me? - We're going with the gazebo plan.
- Are you serious? You want to do the thing I designed? Heck, yeah.
What else you got? Well, before I landed on the gazebo, I drew up some ideas for some different additions.
Uh, a guest house, uh, maybe a Japanese rock garden I mean, obviously you don't have room for all of this.
I love my architect! I love being called an architect! - [LAUGHS.]
- Ha-ha! [SPEAKING NORWEGIAN.]
[WORKERS LAUGHING.]
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
AARON: "And action on rehearsal.
" [PANTING.]
Aah! Go! Go! Go! He's killing everyone! [KEYS JINGLING.]
No! [SCREAMS.]
[PANTING.]
MR.
POWERS: And [GIRL CONTINUES GASPING.]
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand "Cut!" Any thoughts, JJ? "I don't know.
Do any of you have thoughts?" Uh, actually, yeah.
What if we threw in some jokes? I think that would really subvert the genre.
Off that, I can if you like my character wouldn't let herself just die.
The character of "Dying Girl"? RAY: If we're opening up this box, one thing Taylor would love I've been working on a character that's like a James Bond of today's world Playboy, but all about consent.
What's his name? Um, JJ, any thoughts? "What's his name?" [SIGHS.]
[BOX CLATTERS.]
[THE CHAMPS' "TEQUILA" PLAYS LOUDLY.]
- What are you doing? - So no one will hear us.
Yeah, I also can't hear us.
Something's up with Mom.
I found a video of her wearing a wedding dress, but you weren't in it.
Please, you probably just missed me.
People said I was the most unremarkable groom they'd ever seen.
No, she was with some other guy, and when I asked her about it, she got all shifty.
She's hiding something.
I know it.
MAYA: Know what? What's going on in here? We were just having a dance party.
Oh, great.
I love dance parties.
Tequila [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Oh! Kenneth, you're right on time.
We're watching a cut of the scene we shot.
Well, I'm a tough critic.
I almost didn't like "The Emoji Movie.
" [TELEVISION BEEPS, VIDEO PLAYS.]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS.]
[PANTING.]
- First try.
- Luck.
No.
Skill.
Wait.
Why was the murder replaced with sexy banter? Shh, shh, shh.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
Going somewhere? What's Ray doing in Maya's raincoat? But you're Then who is Nick Mustang.
And I'm his twin.
And we're here to kick some Language! - [DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES.]
- Come on.
[CANNED PUNCHES, GRUNTING.]
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
Are you comfortable with this? You know it, Nick Mustang.
Ray is playing two characters? They catch the killer in the first scene? No, this has gone off the rails.
I need to talk to the director, if he's still in there.
Everyone out.
Actually, I'm not sure you have that sort of authority over me.
Okay, you know what? That's fine.
That's fine.
Let's move it, people! [MACHINERY GRINDING.]
So we want to be loud, do we? Let's be loud! MAYA: Oi! My husband has emphasized multiple times the importance of keeping the noise level down! I will not have my husband disres This thing rocks! Ha ha Oh.
[DRILL POWERING OFF.]
Please kill me with it? RAY: And I'm his twin.
And we're here to ki [WHISTLES EMPHATICALLY.]
Well, that did not get better with the second viewing.
Is this what you really wanted? Okay, that acting is worse than Rick Mustang.
Nick Mustang.
Who's Rick Mustang? What happened to the movie you wanted to make? [SIGHS.]
RAY: "It was too hard.
" I know they really tried to set you up for success.
"They did.
That's kind of the problem.
I had no excuses.
" You hate when people make excuses for you.
"I do.
But I guess I like to know they're there.
Without excuses, I'm just some guy who might suck.
And all these people believe in me.
" Hm.
Well, if that's the problem, uh I'll be honest I don't think you can do it.
"Go on.
" Well, uh I think you're a hack.
I think you need those excuses.
You? Make a movie? - Pfft! - No way.
When the scene ends, he can't even yell "Cut!" There is it.
So, how about us? Do, uh, we get the part of "Guys who don't believe in you"? - "Next!" - "Next!" That's cold, man.
You went over there to shut them down, not do architecture with them.
Well, I'm sorry.
I'm I'm weak.
Is this the first time? I mean, how many others have there been? The Finns just added a pool house.
Was that you? This is the first time, and [SIGHS.]
I loved it.
I miss it, but i-it's over.
It was stupid.
Well, if you love it, it's not stupid.
How much are they paying you? Uh, nothing.
Well, that is stupid.
- I think you should go for it.
- What? Well, you love architecture.
You're good at it.
So do it.
You shouldn't do it halfway.
You tell that Eddie if he wants your ideas, he's got to pay for your brilliant brain.
You deserve that much.
[SIGHS.]
I never thought I'd say this, but I love you more than Eddie.
Nice wall, Jimmy.
Yeah! I still got it! I found more photos of Mom with that silver-haired man from the video.
I don't understand.
Who is this guy? Put some shoes on.
I'm take you for yogurt.
We'll talk.
Okay, now we can talk.
Oh, good.
I love talking.
Mom? - Where's Dad? - He couldn't make it.
But I'm going to take you to the yogurt place and we can talk.
[CAR DOORS LOCKING.]
- Buckle up.
- [ENGINE STARTS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
All right, kids, before we dive into this scene, a word Only one voice matters now.
"Get out your" O-R "original scripts.
Anyone have any "S-U " suggestions? Too bad.
Let's make my movie!" [STUDENTS APPLAUD.]
So, darling, I heard you've been developing some wild, crazy theories.
And I wanted to let you know what I do when I'm confused with wild, untrue theories.
I forget them.
I [SCREAMS.]
What are you doing?! This isn't the way to the frozen-yogurt place! Yes, it is! I'm taking you to the one you love with all the mix-ins.
Oh, yeah.
I love that place.
What the bloody hell did you - think I was doing?! - I don't know! All I know is you really don't want me to know what's on that tape.
What could be so bad? Okay.
You're right.
This has gone on long enough.
I told you a story about why I don't speak to my father.
And in it, I was noble and dignified, and that's Well, it's a fantasy.
No more lies.
I had a very complicated relationship with your grandfather.
[LAUGHING.]
Those two would get into it, man.
When they got going it was [STOPS LAUGHING.]
a painful memory.
Be cool, kids.
That video that Dylan found [CLEARS THROAT.]
it wasn't our wedding day.
It was actually, uh, the straw that broke the camel's back.
So, you didn't choose love? No, on that day, I chose immaturity and 15 killer margaritas.
[VCR CLATTERS.]
- [TELEVISION BEEPS.]
- Ha! I don't understand.
You said it wasn't your wedding.
No, it was not.
So, you wore a wedding dress to someone else's wedding? That's, like, the worst thing ever.
No, it was not.
I don't want to go! My father was getting remarried, - and I didn't approve.
- [LAUGHS.]
I wasn't invited, and Aah! It was It was It was denser than you'd imagine.
- I got - [SCREAMING.]
It was a thick cake.
Oh, God.
Yep.
That That seems like the right place to stop.
Yeah, my father was very upset.
His wife was furious.
And I've tried over the years to apologize, but, uh, nothing.
"But why lie to us?" Because I'm ashamed! My terrible behavior is the reason that you don't have a relationship with your grandfather.
Maybe it's time to call him again.
Oh, I don't know.
It's been so bloody long.
Well, maybe I'm almost ready, now that it's all out in the open again.
Thanks to some crack journalism from Dylan.
Did I blow the lid off something? I'm gonna get a "B"! [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS.]
You have locker 49? Doesn't everyone with that locker end up dead? I'm not worried about it.
[WHISPERING.]
Why isn't she worried about it? [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS, GIRLS SCREAMING.]
Aah! Aah! Oh [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS.]
No, don't go in there.
Don't go in there! - [SCREAMS.]
- [ALL GASP.]
Oh, no! Hell, no! I'm gonna grade this later! This is crazy! [SCREAMS.]
Clean up at locker 49 Dad.
[BEEPING, TICKING.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Pretty good, man.
Wow.
Dude, they love it.
"I'll never question anything I do ever again.
" That is not the lesson.
EDDIE: They also messed this part up, so we gotta redo We actually have to redo this whole thing.
- Jimbo! - Hey, Eddie.
I I have kind of, uh an important question for you.
Oh, yeah? I actually have an important question for you.
Why is my landlord here? Uh, I wanna buy your house.
Actually, that's not a question, is it? You wanna buy my house? How? Why? What? The wife was so thrilled with your sun-room plans that I showed her the rest of them, and she was like, "Build it all.
" I was like, "Well, da doy, Marilyn.
We don't have enough room on our property.
" She was like, "Well, da doy yourself, Eddie.
Why don't we just buy the neighbor's property and expand?" So I, uh, called the old landlord here, made an offer.
Hey, do you wanna be our official architect? No! You You can't do this! We just signed a new lease.
Carl? I was just saying that.
Great.
That's settled.
We're never gonna speak of this again.
[PEPPER BARKS.]
Is there a dog barking in your yard? Why Why would there be a dog in our backyard? We are not allowed to have dogs, and dogs know this.
- Speak! - [PEPPER BARKS.]
Hello, lease violation.
You've got a deal.
Let's say out by the end of the month? Sure.
Now you obey a command.