Sports Night (1998) s02e17 Episode Script
Draft Day: Part I - It Can't Rain at Indian Wells
# 23 # # 23 # # 23 # -- Is it noticeable?|-- The bandage? -- Yes.
|-- No.
-- Except you just noticed it.
|-- I didn't notice it.
I asked you,|"Did you notice it?" And you said,|"What, the bandage?" -- I guessed at it.
|-- Really? -- You used powers|of suggestion.
|-- Really? You have a bandage the size|of a sleeping bag on your face, Dana.
|Of course it's noticeable.
-- Yes.
|-- But you look fine.
The question --|the real question -- the question is|where do you put Tommy Castro? -- Fifth in the second.
|-- No! San Diego's gonna|take him fifth.
San Diego doesn't|need help outside.
Not now, but they're gonna trade|Dobson up for the 1 7th pick|in the first round.
You watch.
Castro to San Diego|in the second? -- Yeah.
|-- All right.
Castro's an attractive man.
-- Natalie|-- I'm just saying.
Just saying what? That I find his taut|and muscular body and piercing green eyes|to be attractive and that I'd like|to have sex with him.
You need to calm down.
I should call him up|and tell him that.
Yeah, that's what you|want to do.
It's 2:20 in the morning.
|We've been here for|almost two hours.
-- You want to go home?|-- No, I'm just saying.
You're just saying what? I'm saying|where are the men?! I'm saying|what happened to the boys? I've been telling you,|Natalie, they all went off|to fight Germany and Japan.
Best we can do|is sell war bonds and give them a dance|at the USO.
-- What happened to men|hitting on women in bars?|-- Uh-huh.
It's 2:00 A.
M.
,|I'm obviously drunk, and I'm sitting here! -- Natalie|-- Sorry, Jack.
See, you got us in trouble.
Jack's cute.
Natalie, we've got|a 3-hour broadcast tomorrow.
Seriously, we've got|to finish the prep.
I'm thinking about|getting drunk tonight.
Okay.
Whitson, Woodson,|Rofofsky -- -- Look at it again.
|-- I looked at it enough.
Or maybe Tommy Castro.
-- You want me|to read it out loud?|-- No, it's not gonna|be Tommy Castro.
It's from professional golf's|very own David Duval.
You know, I don't think it's|gonna be Tommy Castro.
I don't think|it's gonna be Castro because I think Cap Harris|knows something about his knees|that I don't know.
PGA superstar David Duval.
-- Natalie.
|-- Yeah? I want to know more|about Tommy Castro's knees.
You and me both,|sailor man.
-- What the hell?|-- She's fine.
There is a skill.
|There is an art.
There's an art|to Draft Day predictions.
There's an art to|winning money from Dana.
It's like getting a fine hound|to swallow a pill.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Would you|mind reading that? Sure.
Out loud.
Uh, "To Dan Rydell.
" -- That's me.
|-- I'm Karen.
I don't care.
|I need you to keep reading.
"4:00 P.
M.
Saturday|at Alpine.
-- See you in the sand trap.
"|-- Read who it's from.
-- "David Dynel.
"|-- That's David Duval.
-- l-lt looks like a "Y.
"|-- No, it's a "U.
" Okay.
-- That's a phone message|from David Duval to me.
|-- Yes -- The David Duval.
|-- The guy from|"The Godfather"? -- That's Robert Duvall.
|-- The actor.
Yes, I'm talking about|David Duval, the golfer.
I don't know who he is.
Well, I'm playing golf|with him tomorrow.
And if you knew who he was,|you'd think that was cool.
Danny, please stop|hitting on women in bars|who aren't me! Natalie Sorry, Jack.
If Casey's taking Whitson,|Woodson, and Rofofsky -- he's not sharing|with the rest of us.
And for that, I'm afraid he's|gonna have to pay a price.
A crisp $100 bill|would do nicely! Dana.
Sorry, Jack.
A crisp $100 bill from Casey.
A Mr.
Abraham Lincoln.
Casey changed his name|to Abraham Lincoln? -- No, on the $100 bill.
|-- Benjamin Franklin.
Okey-dokey, then.
Do you think|if Benjamin Franklin was in this bar right now,|he'd try to hit on me? Man, do I wish we were|covering more than|the first round tomorrow.
I love Draft Day.
I live for Draft Day and for Casey bringing me|a $100 bill in his teeth.
I like Draft Day, too.
Yeah, it's a great day.
[ Glasses clink .]
|To Draft Day.
Here are the rules.
I know the rules.
[ Chuckles .]
We're gonna|go over the rules.
I know the rules.
Yeah, but what's the fun|of playing a game if you're not gonna|go over the rules? Yes, that's the fun part.
The following are the rules.
You're such a loser.
All predictions must be made -- before the commissioner|reaches the podium.
|-- Yes.
Okay, those were the rules.
Can we go over|that first one again? By the way,|it's Benjamin Franklin|on the $100 bill.
Who said it wasn't? Nobody.
I'm just saying|if maybe you thought -- it was Abraham Lincoln|-- No.
-- Don't you just love|Draft Day?|-- Yes, I do.
[ Chuckles .]
Don't you wish|we were covering more -- than the first round?|-- Yes, I do.
You know something|about Tommy Castro's|knees, don't you? Well, just, you know,|what everybody knows.
-- Yeah?|-- Yeah.
Okay.
-- Hey, Jeremy.
|-- Hey, Jeremy.
Hello.
|What's happening now? Nothing.
I'm leaving.
-- Ah.
|-- To go.
Okay.
She's cooked.
Hey, what's a choreo-animator? -- A choreo-animator?|I don't know.
|-- Yeah.
Well, I was on|the elevator, and somebody|said to somebody else that they were|a choreo-animator.
-- I don't know.
|-- That's troublesome.
Hey.
Whitson, Woodson, Rofofsky.
-- You know something about|Tommy Castro's knees?|-- No.
Whitson, Castro,|Woodson, Rofofsky.
Heh-hey, Draft Day, baby! -- Yes, indeed|[High-pitched.]
baby!|-- [ Cheering .]
You ever notice|how I can't say "baby" -- without sounding ridiculous?|-- I have noticed that.
There are lots of words|I can't use that I'd like to.
-- Like what?|-- "Dang.
" You know,|I see what you mean.
I have uses for that.
Say, Jeremy -- Dan told you.
|-- Yes.
That was so|unbelievably predictable.
So as to not even|merit discussion, -- so let's move on.
|-- Oh, let's do.
You're dating a porn star? I have met and spent|social time with an actress who appears|in adult films, yes.
How you manage to make|dating a porn star sound like a day at the public|library is beyond me.
Well, dang, Casey.
-- What's her name?|-- Her real name|or her screen name? -- Screen name.
|-- Well, I won't tell you that.
-- Well,|what's her real name?|-- Jenny.
-- Oh,|so this is pretty serious.
|-- Well, I know her real name, so, I mean, we're at that|point in our relationship.
Seriously, Jeremy,|you like her? I really do.
-- Does she like sports?|-- She likes sports.
|We talk about sports.
You're dating a porn star|who likes sports? I know, that's why I'm not|talking about it.
Any minute now my mother's|gonna wake me up and tell me it's time|to go to school.
Oh, well, the thing|is, while you may not|be talking about it, -- other people are.
|-- People know about Jenny? People know you're|seeing someone, but they don't know|what she does except|for Danny and me.
See your way clear|to keeping it that way,|if you could.
-- Yeah,|but I'm just saying --|-- Natalie.
She knows you're|seeing somebody, and I thought maybe you|could say a word to her to let the healing|process begin so there could be a process|of healing that could begin.
Why are you talking|like somebody who didn't|get the lecture notes|for lntro to Psych? Jeremy, there are icicles|growing off the ceiling|of this place.
-- There is tension here --|tension on Draft Day.
|-- That shouldn't be.
No, and as the kind of|ad hoc director of|morale around here -- -- You're|the director of morale?|-- Yeah.
-- When did that happen?|-- Well, it was ad hoc.
|-- Okay.
-- Soyou'll maybe|say a word to her?|-- Yeah, thanks.
All right.
So, Whitson,|Castro, Woodson -- Rofofsky.
Great.
|Can you just tell me -- Jenny Was she in "Deep Throat"? Yeah, Casey,|I'm dating a porn star who's a contemporary|of my grandmother.
Well, I got to get into a|video store one of these days.
I am missing|this whole thing.
You really do want|to be a part of it.
[ Bags rustling .]
[ Knocks .]
|lsaac.
[ Lid slams .]
-- What happened|to your face?|-- What do you mean? -- You have a bandage|on your face.
|-- It's noticeable? -- Yes.
|-- I fell on my face.
-- Literally?|-- Can you believe|the metaphor? Did you trip|over something? No, just fell down.
Okay.
-- Don't you love Draft Day?|-- I do.
-- I had T-shirts made.
|-- Yes, I see.
They say, "l survived|Draft Day at Sports Night.
" They're very sharp.
See how I played the "day"|and the "night" off each other? -- Oscar Wilde|would have been proud.
|-- [ Laughs .]
-- Next year, lsaac.
|-- Dana Next year, you got to|make them do it.
-- Listen|-- It's not enough just|covering the first round.
We've got to cover at least|the first two rounds, at least.
-- Dana|-- At minimum.
-- What is that?!|-- Open it.
-- It's for me?|-- Yes.
-- What is it?|-- Open it! -- It's a fax.
|-- Yes.
-- What's it say?|-- You're holding it|in your hands.
[ Sighs .]
"With rain|threatening to wash out "scheduled coverage|at lndian Wells, "please be prepared|to stay on the air an additional --"|[ Gasps .]
Oh, my God! -- How 'bout that?|-- The second round.
If it rains at lndian Wells.
-- We're gonna cover|the second round!|-- If it rains.
-- Make sure it rains.
|-- I'll try.
Don't try, lsaac.
|Get it done.
Anyway, get everybody|set just in case.
You better believe it, baby! Okay.
The T-shirts are 1 00% cotton.
Okay.
[ Laughs .]
Jack Jankowicz is in Baltimore.
|Kelly's in St.
Louis.
We added two more staffers|at the Garden.
-- Natalie, you know what would|make you a better golfer?|-- Learning to play golf? Focusing less on results.
Carol and Tim -- You know, golf is 50% mental.
I'm beginning to think|that so are you, Dan.
Guess what --|guess what's happened.
You bought T-shirts|for everybody.
I did buy T-shirts for|everybody, but -- Dana, how you spend|your time and money|sometimes amazes me.
-- Well, I got a deal.
|-- Please tell me|they were free.
I thought people|might like them.
Absolutely.
Now if you'll|just bring out the juice|and crackers -- Stop it.
|What's going on? Man, Danny, no wonder Casey|can't stand you these days.
-- Dana!|-- Sorry.
It might rain|at lndian Wells.
If it does, we stay on the air|for the second round.
Excellent.
W-What are you|talking about? It might rain|at lndian Wells.
-- I heard that part.
|-- If it does,|we stay on the air -- -- I'm not staying|on the air.
|-- Of course you are.
-- No, I'm not.
|-- Why not? I'm playing golf|this afternoon.
-- You play golf|many afternoons.
|-- This is David Duval.
With whom you play golf|three times a year.
And with whom I'm playing|golf this afternoon.
Well, not if it rains|at lndian Wells.
I don't care if it|snows in Saskatchewan.
|I had plans.
-- Dan|-- Casey can anchor|the second round by himself.
I know, but it's better|if he has a partner.
-- Better for who?|-- Whom, Dan.
|Better for whom.
Dana -- Better for the show.
|T ake care of this.
Dan.
Natalie, this is my 1 3th day|in a row working.
-- And everyone|appreciates it.
|-- Do you understand --|this sucks.
I had plans, too, Danny.
I was gonna hang around|construction sites, but -- -- I'm not doing it.
|-- You say that now.
I'm gonna say it later, too.
|I'm not doing it.
Kim: Five minutes to air.
|First team in the studio.
Yeah, I'm not doing it.
-- 10 seconds live.
|-- Stand by sound.
Stand by F/X-1, -2, and -2A.
-- Natalie|-- Don't worry about it.
|He'll be fine.
Good show, everybody.
In 32 Good morning.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell for a special CSC presentation|of Draft Day 2000.
We'll have all|the first-round action from Madison Square Garden,|including analyses, predictions, reactions,|and more.
Here's how we play our game.
Teams have 15 minutes|to make their selection.
Once they do,|the general manager will join the commissioner|at the podium to let some young man's|parents know their son won't be needing|his allowance anymore.
-- Stand by 4.
|-- Cleveland's on the clock|with the first selection, and with that, we take you|to Kelly Kirkpatrick -- live at the Garden.
|Kelly?|Dave: We're out.
This is stand by.
|I'll get a 30-second cue|from the Garden on comeback.
Garden, don't leave me|in the woods here.
Give|me the 41 1, the whole ride.
We are underway.
We are underway|[Dramatically.]
baby! That didn't work.
-- No, that was good.
|-- I sounded like an idiot.
It was sweet.
-- Here's the part|I don't understand.
|-- Absolutely.
-- I will never understand|this part.
|-- And neither will l.
Cleveland's had four months|to make this decision.
And yet rather than go up|on stage and tell the world|what it already knows They're gonna take|the 15 minutes.
-- 15 minutes where we have|no responsibilities at all.
|Dana: Excuse me Are you asking if it's|okay if you go get a danish|from the guy downstairs? They're the really|good ones today.
-- Get me cinnamon.
|-- Cheese.
|-- Prune.
-- Cheese.
|-- Cinnamon.
|-- Prune? -- It's good.
|-- Prune.
-- Did you get all that?|-- No, but I don't care|that much.
You know, I don't see a lot|of people wearing T-shirts here.
In fact, I see a total|of, hmm, none.
I'm saving mine|for a special occasion.
-- Like what?|-- Labor Day.
It's a Draft Day T-shirt,|Jeremy.
You're supposed to be|wearing it on Draft Day.
Dana, the T-shirt says,|"l survived Draft Day,"|which I've not yet done.
He's got a point.
-- Shut up!|-- Okay.
-- Stretching my legs.
|-- Stay close.
-- Why does he|have to say that?|-- Look Why does he have to say|he's stretching his legs when he's obviously -- -- Draft Day spirit, Natalie.
|-- I'm just saying.
-- You're just saying what?|-- He calls her|four times a day.
We went out for a year.
|He never called me|four times in a day.
You worked together|from noon to midnight.
I have a desk, Dana.
|I have an extension.
-- Yes.
|-- Totally unencumbered.
Any man who wanted to|could just have me right now.
Sit down! "A" -- it might not rain.
|"B" -- if it rains, you play|with him some other time.
-- Whatever.
|-- Want to help me|with my picks? Whitson, Woodson, Rofofsky.
|Casey, what's the trouble? Whitson, Castro,|Woodson, Rofofsky.
See, neither you nor|Dana have mastered what we like to call|the art of the hunt.
Dana thinks I know something|about Castro's knees, which I do not.
This is what we like to call|the classic psych-out.
Casey? Yeah.
I'm listening|to you, you know.
I know.
See, this is still part|of the psych-out.
I'm gonna go lie down|on the couch in editing.
Hey, we could be back|any second.
It takes 15 minutes, Casey.
|It always takes 15 minutes.
The day it takes less|than 15 minutes is the day|the sky falls down.
|Somebody shout for me.
-- Hello.
|-- Hello.
Dan, I need you close.
Dana, I'm going|to the damn editing room.
Okay! Uhuh-huh.
Hey.
I'm totally fine with this.
-- He's making me crazy.
|-- Really, I'm fine.
If you were here,|you'd look at me, -- you'd say, "He looks fine.
"|-- He looks fine.
-- Well|-- Was that her? Jenny.
-- Was that her?|-- Yes.
I'm walking the shadowy line|between honesty and not.
[ Chuckles .]
|What'd you do? I want to be out in the open|about this.
I don't want|to make her feel like -- She's paid to have sex|with, like, a hundred|different guys on camera? Like I'm ashamed of her,|yeah.
So you invited her over here -- Yeah.
|-- to show her to the gang.
-- Yeah.
|-- And tell everyone|what she does? If they ask, yeah.
-- Okay.
|-- If they ask.
I'm not making a cover story.
|I mean, I can't think -- of anything that'd be more|insulting than making --|-- Yeah.
The thing is, the first|round will be done by 2:00, and I told her to come|at 3:00, when I knew Natalie|wasn't gonna be here anymore.
-- Yeah.
|-- I'm feeling kind of bad|about that.
Well, cheer up then.
-- Why?|-- If it rains|at lndian Wells, we're covering|the second round.
-- What do you mean?|-- If it rains|at Indian Wells, -- we're covering|the second round.
|-- I don't understand.
If it rains|at lndian Wells, we're|covering the second round.
The second round will take|us to 6:00, maybe 7:00.
-- I told Jenny|to come at 3:00.
|-- Maybe she'll be late.
-- She won't be late.
|-- She's a pretty punctual|porn star? -- Dan|-- I like alliteration.
|Take it easy.
It cannot, it must not rain|at lndian Wells.
Hey, I got a tee time with|David Duval, so get in line.
Though, interestingly,|it was a rainstorm that|ended our first fight.
-- Interesting.
|-- All right,|back to being panicked.
It cannot it must not rain|at lndian Wells.
Hello.
-- Hello.
|-- Hello.
What are you doing? Demonstrating to Casey|that he can't psych me out.
I've made my Draft Day|predictions.
I'm not|changing them.
Okay, well, this is really|stupid, and I need to|talk to Casey, so -- Danish.
|-- Uh, hang on, hang on.
I am breaking|eye contact now, but not because you've won|some battle of the mind, but because|the danish is here.
I'm breakingnow.
You guys seriously|need to calm down.
-- I know.
|-- What's up? I'm walking the shadowy line|between honesty and deceit.
Ah, I know that line well.
One need only to think|back to Dana and Gordon and Sally and me and Dana|and Sally and Gordon.
Right, but this is my thing,|and this is now, so let's|not think back so much.
Jenny's coming here at|3:00, which I thought|was both wise and good since I wanted to show|Jenny that I'm prepared|to be totally upfront|about who she is.
-- While still avoiding|telling Natalie who she is.
|-- Yes.
-- lndian Wells.
|-- Yes.
-- Chance of rain.
|-- Yes.
-- Second-round coverage.
|-- Yes.
-- Jeremy Goodwin|totally screwed.
|-- Yes.
-- You like Draft Day,|don't you?|-- To an admittedly|psychotic extent, yes.
See, and that's|another thing, too, 'cause I'd like to be rooting|for rain at lndian Wells.
I wanted to go|to the second round.
-- But now?|-- Not so much.
Jeremy, listen to me.
Why don't you just|rip the bandage off, bite the bullet,|swallow hard, and tell her? You got to stop living|in fear and start rooting|for rain at lndian Wells.
-- Yes!|-- Good! -- That makes sense to me.
|-- Good.
-- That makes complete sense.
|-- Yes.
-- I will go.
|-- And yet you stand here.
Yesokay.
I will go.
-- It's Draft Day, Alyson.
|-- Yeah.
-- Nothin' like it.
|-- Yep.
-- You know|what Draft Day is?|-- Nope.
Okay.
I'm good-looking,|I'm smart, career-oriented,|I have sass.
-- You smell good.
|-- I smell great.
-- Okay.
|-- I'm just saying -- Natalie.
Just the woman|I'm looking for.
|-- Hello.
Coming out of|the mouth of anyone but the guy I just|broke up with,|that'd make my day.
I broke up with you, but that|seems neither here nor there.
Can I talk to you|a second? I broke up with you there, Mr.
"Obviously has|a short-term memory loss "with a myriad|of other problems "which I won't even|go into, "but thinks that|he broke up with me because of the|short-term memory loss,|which is so obvious.
" No need to be formal.
|I've seen you naked.
|Call me Jeremy.
-- What do you want?|-- Can I talk to you in there? Sure.
Yes? Hi.
Hi! So, aren't you just nuts|about Draft Day? Jeremy, I know|you're seeing someone.
Yeah, well, look,|first of all, I just met her recently,|and I've only seen her|a couple of times.
-- You don't have to|apologize.
|-- Well, I'm not apologizing.
-- Okay.
|-- I'm sorry you had to|hear it through the grapevine.
-- That's where|you hear things.
|-- Yeah, I should have|told you, though.
Well, I'm not sure|you're right, but you obviously|made an effort, and I appreciate your|bravery and honesty|in coming to me.
And I appreciate|your saying that, and I appreciate your|being cool about it.
Jeremy, please, I'm|gonna walk out of here,|and I'm gonna break things, -- but for right now, in --|-- Yeah.
You're an upfront guy,|Jeremy.
You should stay that way.
I'll try.
-- What does she do?|-- Hmm? What does she do? -- For a living?|-- Yeah.
She's a professional|choreo-animator.
-- Really? What is that?|-- Yeah.
-- What is it?|-- Yeah.
What does it sound|like to you? It sounds like|she makes up dance steps for cartoon characters.
Wow.
That's exactly|what it is.
She makes up dance steps|for cartoon characters? -- You got a problem|with that?|-- No.
Any reason I should be|ashamed of that? She makes up dance steps|for cartoon characters? Well, it's not like they|make them up themselves,|now, is it, Natalie? -- You're right.
|-- Yes.
-- Okay.
|-- I have to go now.
Are you going far? If only I could.
-- Hey.
|-- Hey.
They really needed the whole|damn 15 minutes, huh? Well, Dan, I think they want to|be sure about their decisions|before they put $10 million and the future of a football|team in a guy's hands.
What's your problem? [ Sighs .]
-- Where'd you go, man?|-- I've been here.
No, you didn't come into|work today.
You haven't|come into work in a week.
Everybody here would like|to be playing golf|with David Duval.
Everybody here would like to|be with their new girlfriend or back with|their old boyfriend or with their wife|in Connecticut or|getting a danish, but more than that,|they'd rather be here.
-- Where'd you go?|-- You know, Casey, I'm|getting a little tired of you -- being senior camp counselor|around here.
|-- [ Clears throat .]
I come to work.
I do|my job.
I do it well.
Maybe not well enough to|be 92nd on the list -- Oh, come on, Danny.
|-- but I do it well enough.
-- You know what|I'm talking about.
|-- Leave me alone.
Hey, you know what?|If you're not here,|then I can't use you.
You can't "use" me? [ Sighs .]
That's right.
-- When did I become|Ed McMahon to you?|-- No, you're not, and|you know it, all right? But I need to be able|to do my show.
And when did it become|your show? Come on, we're on the air.
[ Door hinges creak .]
You had to make fun|of Dana's T-shirts? We'll talk about it later.
-- Hey, Jeremy, we're back.
|-- Yeah.
-- How'd it go?|-- I'm still living|in that shadowy place.
Casey, Dan, I'm transferring|live footage to your monitors.
|Take a look.
It's raining at lndian Wells.
Oh, God.
Dave: In 10.
In 54321.
So the newest member|of the fraternity of professional athletes|has just been selected, and something tells me|this is just the beginning.
Stay with us|for all the action as we bring you not one but|two rounds of Draft Day 2000.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
[ Rock music plays .]
|-- No.
-- Except you just noticed it.
|-- I didn't notice it.
I asked you,|"Did you notice it?" And you said,|"What, the bandage?" -- I guessed at it.
|-- Really? -- You used powers|of suggestion.
|-- Really? You have a bandage the size|of a sleeping bag on your face, Dana.
|Of course it's noticeable.
-- Yes.
|-- But you look fine.
The question --|the real question -- the question is|where do you put Tommy Castro? -- Fifth in the second.
|-- No! San Diego's gonna|take him fifth.
San Diego doesn't|need help outside.
Not now, but they're gonna trade|Dobson up for the 1 7th pick|in the first round.
You watch.
Castro to San Diego|in the second? -- Yeah.
|-- All right.
Castro's an attractive man.
-- Natalie|-- I'm just saying.
Just saying what? That I find his taut|and muscular body and piercing green eyes|to be attractive and that I'd like|to have sex with him.
You need to calm down.
I should call him up|and tell him that.
Yeah, that's what you|want to do.
It's 2:20 in the morning.
|We've been here for|almost two hours.
-- You want to go home?|-- No, I'm just saying.
You're just saying what? I'm saying|where are the men?! I'm saying|what happened to the boys? I've been telling you,|Natalie, they all went off|to fight Germany and Japan.
Best we can do|is sell war bonds and give them a dance|at the USO.
-- What happened to men|hitting on women in bars?|-- Uh-huh.
It's 2:00 A.
M.
,|I'm obviously drunk, and I'm sitting here! -- Natalie|-- Sorry, Jack.
See, you got us in trouble.
Jack's cute.
Natalie, we've got|a 3-hour broadcast tomorrow.
Seriously, we've got|to finish the prep.
I'm thinking about|getting drunk tonight.
Okay.
Whitson, Woodson,|Rofofsky -- -- Look at it again.
|-- I looked at it enough.
Or maybe Tommy Castro.
-- You want me|to read it out loud?|-- No, it's not gonna|be Tommy Castro.
It's from professional golf's|very own David Duval.
You know, I don't think it's|gonna be Tommy Castro.
I don't think|it's gonna be Castro because I think Cap Harris|knows something about his knees|that I don't know.
PGA superstar David Duval.
-- Natalie.
|-- Yeah? I want to know more|about Tommy Castro's knees.
You and me both,|sailor man.
-- What the hell?|-- She's fine.
There is a skill.
|There is an art.
There's an art|to Draft Day predictions.
There's an art to|winning money from Dana.
It's like getting a fine hound|to swallow a pill.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Would you|mind reading that? Sure.
Out loud.
Uh, "To Dan Rydell.
" -- That's me.
|-- I'm Karen.
I don't care.
|I need you to keep reading.
"4:00 P.
M.
Saturday|at Alpine.
-- See you in the sand trap.
"|-- Read who it's from.
-- "David Dynel.
"|-- That's David Duval.
-- l-lt looks like a "Y.
"|-- No, it's a "U.
" Okay.
-- That's a phone message|from David Duval to me.
|-- Yes -- The David Duval.
|-- The guy from|"The Godfather"? -- That's Robert Duvall.
|-- The actor.
Yes, I'm talking about|David Duval, the golfer.
I don't know who he is.
Well, I'm playing golf|with him tomorrow.
And if you knew who he was,|you'd think that was cool.
Danny, please stop|hitting on women in bars|who aren't me! Natalie Sorry, Jack.
If Casey's taking Whitson,|Woodson, and Rofofsky -- he's not sharing|with the rest of us.
And for that, I'm afraid he's|gonna have to pay a price.
A crisp $100 bill|would do nicely! Dana.
Sorry, Jack.
A crisp $100 bill from Casey.
A Mr.
Abraham Lincoln.
Casey changed his name|to Abraham Lincoln? -- No, on the $100 bill.
|-- Benjamin Franklin.
Okey-dokey, then.
Do you think|if Benjamin Franklin was in this bar right now,|he'd try to hit on me? Man, do I wish we were|covering more than|the first round tomorrow.
I love Draft Day.
I live for Draft Day and for Casey bringing me|a $100 bill in his teeth.
I like Draft Day, too.
Yeah, it's a great day.
[ Glasses clink .]
|To Draft Day.
Here are the rules.
I know the rules.
[ Chuckles .]
We're gonna|go over the rules.
I know the rules.
Yeah, but what's the fun|of playing a game if you're not gonna|go over the rules? Yes, that's the fun part.
The following are the rules.
You're such a loser.
All predictions must be made -- before the commissioner|reaches the podium.
|-- Yes.
Okay, those were the rules.
Can we go over|that first one again? By the way,|it's Benjamin Franklin|on the $100 bill.
Who said it wasn't? Nobody.
I'm just saying|if maybe you thought -- it was Abraham Lincoln|-- No.
-- Don't you just love|Draft Day?|-- Yes, I do.
[ Chuckles .]
Don't you wish|we were covering more -- than the first round?|-- Yes, I do.
You know something|about Tommy Castro's|knees, don't you? Well, just, you know,|what everybody knows.
-- Yeah?|-- Yeah.
Okay.
-- Hey, Jeremy.
|-- Hey, Jeremy.
Hello.
|What's happening now? Nothing.
I'm leaving.
-- Ah.
|-- To go.
Okay.
She's cooked.
Hey, what's a choreo-animator? -- A choreo-animator?|I don't know.
|-- Yeah.
Well, I was on|the elevator, and somebody|said to somebody else that they were|a choreo-animator.
-- I don't know.
|-- That's troublesome.
Hey.
Whitson, Woodson, Rofofsky.
-- You know something about|Tommy Castro's knees?|-- No.
Whitson, Castro,|Woodson, Rofofsky.
Heh-hey, Draft Day, baby! -- Yes, indeed|[High-pitched.]
baby!|-- [ Cheering .]
You ever notice|how I can't say "baby" -- without sounding ridiculous?|-- I have noticed that.
There are lots of words|I can't use that I'd like to.
-- Like what?|-- "Dang.
" You know,|I see what you mean.
I have uses for that.
Say, Jeremy -- Dan told you.
|-- Yes.
That was so|unbelievably predictable.
So as to not even|merit discussion, -- so let's move on.
|-- Oh, let's do.
You're dating a porn star? I have met and spent|social time with an actress who appears|in adult films, yes.
How you manage to make|dating a porn star sound like a day at the public|library is beyond me.
Well, dang, Casey.
-- What's her name?|-- Her real name|or her screen name? -- Screen name.
|-- Well, I won't tell you that.
-- Well,|what's her real name?|-- Jenny.
-- Oh,|so this is pretty serious.
|-- Well, I know her real name, so, I mean, we're at that|point in our relationship.
Seriously, Jeremy,|you like her? I really do.
-- Does she like sports?|-- She likes sports.
|We talk about sports.
You're dating a porn star|who likes sports? I know, that's why I'm not|talking about it.
Any minute now my mother's|gonna wake me up and tell me it's time|to go to school.
Oh, well, the thing|is, while you may not|be talking about it, -- other people are.
|-- People know about Jenny? People know you're|seeing someone, but they don't know|what she does except|for Danny and me.
See your way clear|to keeping it that way,|if you could.
-- Yeah,|but I'm just saying --|-- Natalie.
She knows you're|seeing somebody, and I thought maybe you|could say a word to her to let the healing|process begin so there could be a process|of healing that could begin.
Why are you talking|like somebody who didn't|get the lecture notes|for lntro to Psych? Jeremy, there are icicles|growing off the ceiling|of this place.
-- There is tension here --|tension on Draft Day.
|-- That shouldn't be.
No, and as the kind of|ad hoc director of|morale around here -- -- You're|the director of morale?|-- Yeah.
-- When did that happen?|-- Well, it was ad hoc.
|-- Okay.
-- Soyou'll maybe|say a word to her?|-- Yeah, thanks.
All right.
So, Whitson,|Castro, Woodson -- Rofofsky.
Great.
|Can you just tell me -- Jenny Was she in "Deep Throat"? Yeah, Casey,|I'm dating a porn star who's a contemporary|of my grandmother.
Well, I got to get into a|video store one of these days.
I am missing|this whole thing.
You really do want|to be a part of it.
[ Bags rustling .]
[ Knocks .]
|lsaac.
[ Lid slams .]
-- What happened|to your face?|-- What do you mean? -- You have a bandage|on your face.
|-- It's noticeable? -- Yes.
|-- I fell on my face.
-- Literally?|-- Can you believe|the metaphor? Did you trip|over something? No, just fell down.
Okay.
-- Don't you love Draft Day?|-- I do.
-- I had T-shirts made.
|-- Yes, I see.
They say, "l survived|Draft Day at Sports Night.
" They're very sharp.
See how I played the "day"|and the "night" off each other? -- Oscar Wilde|would have been proud.
|-- [ Laughs .]
-- Next year, lsaac.
|-- Dana Next year, you got to|make them do it.
-- Listen|-- It's not enough just|covering the first round.
We've got to cover at least|the first two rounds, at least.
-- Dana|-- At minimum.
-- What is that?!|-- Open it.
-- It's for me?|-- Yes.
-- What is it?|-- Open it! -- It's a fax.
|-- Yes.
-- What's it say?|-- You're holding it|in your hands.
[ Sighs .]
"With rain|threatening to wash out "scheduled coverage|at lndian Wells, "please be prepared|to stay on the air an additional --"|[ Gasps .]
Oh, my God! -- How 'bout that?|-- The second round.
If it rains at lndian Wells.
-- We're gonna cover|the second round!|-- If it rains.
-- Make sure it rains.
|-- I'll try.
Don't try, lsaac.
|Get it done.
Anyway, get everybody|set just in case.
You better believe it, baby! Okay.
The T-shirts are 1 00% cotton.
Okay.
[ Laughs .]
Jack Jankowicz is in Baltimore.
|Kelly's in St.
Louis.
We added two more staffers|at the Garden.
-- Natalie, you know what would|make you a better golfer?|-- Learning to play golf? Focusing less on results.
Carol and Tim -- You know, golf is 50% mental.
I'm beginning to think|that so are you, Dan.
Guess what --|guess what's happened.
You bought T-shirts|for everybody.
I did buy T-shirts for|everybody, but -- Dana, how you spend|your time and money|sometimes amazes me.
-- Well, I got a deal.
|-- Please tell me|they were free.
I thought people|might like them.
Absolutely.
Now if you'll|just bring out the juice|and crackers -- Stop it.
|What's going on? Man, Danny, no wonder Casey|can't stand you these days.
-- Dana!|-- Sorry.
It might rain|at lndian Wells.
If it does, we stay on the air|for the second round.
Excellent.
W-What are you|talking about? It might rain|at lndian Wells.
-- I heard that part.
|-- If it does,|we stay on the air -- -- I'm not staying|on the air.
|-- Of course you are.
-- No, I'm not.
|-- Why not? I'm playing golf|this afternoon.
-- You play golf|many afternoons.
|-- This is David Duval.
With whom you play golf|three times a year.
And with whom I'm playing|golf this afternoon.
Well, not if it rains|at lndian Wells.
I don't care if it|snows in Saskatchewan.
|I had plans.
-- Dan|-- Casey can anchor|the second round by himself.
I know, but it's better|if he has a partner.
-- Better for who?|-- Whom, Dan.
|Better for whom.
Dana -- Better for the show.
|T ake care of this.
Dan.
Natalie, this is my 1 3th day|in a row working.
-- And everyone|appreciates it.
|-- Do you understand --|this sucks.
I had plans, too, Danny.
I was gonna hang around|construction sites, but -- -- I'm not doing it.
|-- You say that now.
I'm gonna say it later, too.
|I'm not doing it.
Kim: Five minutes to air.
|First team in the studio.
Yeah, I'm not doing it.
-- 10 seconds live.
|-- Stand by sound.
Stand by F/X-1, -2, and -2A.
-- Natalie|-- Don't worry about it.
|He'll be fine.
Good show, everybody.
In 32 Good morning.
|From New York City, I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell for a special CSC presentation|of Draft Day 2000.
We'll have all|the first-round action from Madison Square Garden,|including analyses, predictions, reactions,|and more.
Here's how we play our game.
Teams have 15 minutes|to make their selection.
Once they do,|the general manager will join the commissioner|at the podium to let some young man's|parents know their son won't be needing|his allowance anymore.
-- Stand by 4.
|-- Cleveland's on the clock|with the first selection, and with that, we take you|to Kelly Kirkpatrick -- live at the Garden.
|Kelly?|Dave: We're out.
This is stand by.
|I'll get a 30-second cue|from the Garden on comeback.
Garden, don't leave me|in the woods here.
Give|me the 41 1, the whole ride.
We are underway.
We are underway|[Dramatically.]
baby! That didn't work.
-- No, that was good.
|-- I sounded like an idiot.
It was sweet.
-- Here's the part|I don't understand.
|-- Absolutely.
-- I will never understand|this part.
|-- And neither will l.
Cleveland's had four months|to make this decision.
And yet rather than go up|on stage and tell the world|what it already knows They're gonna take|the 15 minutes.
-- 15 minutes where we have|no responsibilities at all.
|Dana: Excuse me Are you asking if it's|okay if you go get a danish|from the guy downstairs? They're the really|good ones today.
-- Get me cinnamon.
|-- Cheese.
|-- Prune.
-- Cheese.
|-- Cinnamon.
|-- Prune? -- It's good.
|-- Prune.
-- Did you get all that?|-- No, but I don't care|that much.
You know, I don't see a lot|of people wearing T-shirts here.
In fact, I see a total|of, hmm, none.
I'm saving mine|for a special occasion.
-- Like what?|-- Labor Day.
It's a Draft Day T-shirt,|Jeremy.
You're supposed to be|wearing it on Draft Day.
Dana, the T-shirt says,|"l survived Draft Day,"|which I've not yet done.
He's got a point.
-- Shut up!|-- Okay.
-- Stretching my legs.
|-- Stay close.
-- Why does he|have to say that?|-- Look Why does he have to say|he's stretching his legs when he's obviously -- -- Draft Day spirit, Natalie.
|-- I'm just saying.
-- You're just saying what?|-- He calls her|four times a day.
We went out for a year.
|He never called me|four times in a day.
You worked together|from noon to midnight.
I have a desk, Dana.
|I have an extension.
-- Yes.
|-- Totally unencumbered.
Any man who wanted to|could just have me right now.
Sit down! "A" -- it might not rain.
|"B" -- if it rains, you play|with him some other time.
-- Whatever.
|-- Want to help me|with my picks? Whitson, Woodson, Rofofsky.
|Casey, what's the trouble? Whitson, Castro,|Woodson, Rofofsky.
See, neither you nor|Dana have mastered what we like to call|the art of the hunt.
Dana thinks I know something|about Castro's knees, which I do not.
This is what we like to call|the classic psych-out.
Casey? Yeah.
I'm listening|to you, you know.
I know.
See, this is still part|of the psych-out.
I'm gonna go lie down|on the couch in editing.
Hey, we could be back|any second.
It takes 15 minutes, Casey.
|It always takes 15 minutes.
The day it takes less|than 15 minutes is the day|the sky falls down.
|Somebody shout for me.
-- Hello.
|-- Hello.
Dan, I need you close.
Dana, I'm going|to the damn editing room.
Okay! Uhuh-huh.
Hey.
I'm totally fine with this.
-- He's making me crazy.
|-- Really, I'm fine.
If you were here,|you'd look at me, -- you'd say, "He looks fine.
"|-- He looks fine.
-- Well|-- Was that her? Jenny.
-- Was that her?|-- Yes.
I'm walking the shadowy line|between honesty and not.
[ Chuckles .]
|What'd you do? I want to be out in the open|about this.
I don't want|to make her feel like -- She's paid to have sex|with, like, a hundred|different guys on camera? Like I'm ashamed of her,|yeah.
So you invited her over here -- Yeah.
|-- to show her to the gang.
-- Yeah.
|-- And tell everyone|what she does? If they ask, yeah.
-- Okay.
|-- If they ask.
I'm not making a cover story.
|I mean, I can't think -- of anything that'd be more|insulting than making --|-- Yeah.
The thing is, the first|round will be done by 2:00, and I told her to come|at 3:00, when I knew Natalie|wasn't gonna be here anymore.
-- Yeah.
|-- I'm feeling kind of bad|about that.
Well, cheer up then.
-- Why?|-- If it rains|at lndian Wells, we're covering|the second round.
-- What do you mean?|-- If it rains|at Indian Wells, -- we're covering|the second round.
|-- I don't understand.
If it rains|at lndian Wells, we're|covering the second round.
The second round will take|us to 6:00, maybe 7:00.
-- I told Jenny|to come at 3:00.
|-- Maybe she'll be late.
-- She won't be late.
|-- She's a pretty punctual|porn star? -- Dan|-- I like alliteration.
|Take it easy.
It cannot, it must not rain|at lndian Wells.
Hey, I got a tee time with|David Duval, so get in line.
Though, interestingly,|it was a rainstorm that|ended our first fight.
-- Interesting.
|-- All right,|back to being panicked.
It cannot it must not rain|at lndian Wells.
Hello.
-- Hello.
|-- Hello.
What are you doing? Demonstrating to Casey|that he can't psych me out.
I've made my Draft Day|predictions.
I'm not|changing them.
Okay, well, this is really|stupid, and I need to|talk to Casey, so -- Danish.
|-- Uh, hang on, hang on.
I am breaking|eye contact now, but not because you've won|some battle of the mind, but because|the danish is here.
I'm breakingnow.
You guys seriously|need to calm down.
-- I know.
|-- What's up? I'm walking the shadowy line|between honesty and deceit.
Ah, I know that line well.
One need only to think|back to Dana and Gordon and Sally and me and Dana|and Sally and Gordon.
Right, but this is my thing,|and this is now, so let's|not think back so much.
Jenny's coming here at|3:00, which I thought|was both wise and good since I wanted to show|Jenny that I'm prepared|to be totally upfront|about who she is.
-- While still avoiding|telling Natalie who she is.
|-- Yes.
-- lndian Wells.
|-- Yes.
-- Chance of rain.
|-- Yes.
-- Second-round coverage.
|-- Yes.
-- Jeremy Goodwin|totally screwed.
|-- Yes.
-- You like Draft Day,|don't you?|-- To an admittedly|psychotic extent, yes.
See, and that's|another thing, too, 'cause I'd like to be rooting|for rain at lndian Wells.
I wanted to go|to the second round.
-- But now?|-- Not so much.
Jeremy, listen to me.
Why don't you just|rip the bandage off, bite the bullet,|swallow hard, and tell her? You got to stop living|in fear and start rooting|for rain at lndian Wells.
-- Yes!|-- Good! -- That makes sense to me.
|-- Good.
-- That makes complete sense.
|-- Yes.
-- I will go.
|-- And yet you stand here.
Yesokay.
I will go.
-- It's Draft Day, Alyson.
|-- Yeah.
-- Nothin' like it.
|-- Yep.
-- You know|what Draft Day is?|-- Nope.
Okay.
I'm good-looking,|I'm smart, career-oriented,|I have sass.
-- You smell good.
|-- I smell great.
-- Okay.
|-- I'm just saying -- Natalie.
Just the woman|I'm looking for.
|-- Hello.
Coming out of|the mouth of anyone but the guy I just|broke up with,|that'd make my day.
I broke up with you, but that|seems neither here nor there.
Can I talk to you|a second? I broke up with you there, Mr.
"Obviously has|a short-term memory loss "with a myriad|of other problems "which I won't even|go into, "but thinks that|he broke up with me because of the|short-term memory loss,|which is so obvious.
" No need to be formal.
|I've seen you naked.
|Call me Jeremy.
-- What do you want?|-- Can I talk to you in there? Sure.
Yes? Hi.
Hi! So, aren't you just nuts|about Draft Day? Jeremy, I know|you're seeing someone.
Yeah, well, look,|first of all, I just met her recently,|and I've only seen her|a couple of times.
-- You don't have to|apologize.
|-- Well, I'm not apologizing.
-- Okay.
|-- I'm sorry you had to|hear it through the grapevine.
-- That's where|you hear things.
|-- Yeah, I should have|told you, though.
Well, I'm not sure|you're right, but you obviously|made an effort, and I appreciate your|bravery and honesty|in coming to me.
And I appreciate|your saying that, and I appreciate your|being cool about it.
Jeremy, please, I'm|gonna walk out of here,|and I'm gonna break things, -- but for right now, in --|-- Yeah.
You're an upfront guy,|Jeremy.
You should stay that way.
I'll try.
-- What does she do?|-- Hmm? What does she do? -- For a living?|-- Yeah.
She's a professional|choreo-animator.
-- Really? What is that?|-- Yeah.
-- What is it?|-- Yeah.
What does it sound|like to you? It sounds like|she makes up dance steps for cartoon characters.
Wow.
That's exactly|what it is.
She makes up dance steps|for cartoon characters? -- You got a problem|with that?|-- No.
Any reason I should be|ashamed of that? She makes up dance steps|for cartoon characters? Well, it's not like they|make them up themselves,|now, is it, Natalie? -- You're right.
|-- Yes.
-- Okay.
|-- I have to go now.
Are you going far? If only I could.
-- Hey.
|-- Hey.
They really needed the whole|damn 15 minutes, huh? Well, Dan, I think they want to|be sure about their decisions|before they put $10 million and the future of a football|team in a guy's hands.
What's your problem? [ Sighs .]
-- Where'd you go, man?|-- I've been here.
No, you didn't come into|work today.
You haven't|come into work in a week.
Everybody here would like|to be playing golf|with David Duval.
Everybody here would like to|be with their new girlfriend or back with|their old boyfriend or with their wife|in Connecticut or|getting a danish, but more than that,|they'd rather be here.
-- Where'd you go?|-- You know, Casey, I'm|getting a little tired of you -- being senior camp counselor|around here.
|-- [ Clears throat .]
I come to work.
I do|my job.
I do it well.
Maybe not well enough to|be 92nd on the list -- Oh, come on, Danny.
|-- but I do it well enough.
-- You know what|I'm talking about.
|-- Leave me alone.
Hey, you know what?|If you're not here,|then I can't use you.
You can't "use" me? [ Sighs .]
That's right.
-- When did I become|Ed McMahon to you?|-- No, you're not, and|you know it, all right? But I need to be able|to do my show.
And when did it become|your show? Come on, we're on the air.
[ Door hinges creak .]
You had to make fun|of Dana's T-shirts? We'll talk about it later.
-- Hey, Jeremy, we're back.
|-- Yeah.
-- How'd it go?|-- I'm still living|in that shadowy place.
Casey, Dan, I'm transferring|live footage to your monitors.
|Take a look.
It's raining at lndian Wells.
Oh, God.
Dave: In 10.
In 54321.
So the newest member|of the fraternity of professional athletes|has just been selected, and something tells me|this is just the beginning.
Stay with us|for all the action as we bring you not one but|two rounds of Draft Day 2000.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
[ Rock music plays .]