Superman (1996) s02e17 Episode Script
World's Finest (2)
Previously on Superman: I just wanted to let you know I'll be in late tomorrow.
I'm having breakfast with Bruce.
Isn't that special.
He's very thoughtful and much deeper than the gossip mongers would lead you to believe.
You'd be surprised.
Where's The Joker? Lexy, old kid.
Pay me one billion dollars, and I'll kill Superman.
The Joker has 20 pounds more where this came from.
You know I can't be connected to this in any way.
Deal? Deal.
The senator declined comment.
Done.
And not a moment too soon.
Bruce.
When did you--? About three paragraphs ago.
I didn't wanna distract you.
Ready to do the town? Give me a minute to see the chief, then I'm all yours.
Clark, keep an eye on Bruce, will you? I'll be right back.
-Actually, Lois-- -Don't be intimidated.
Regale him with madcap tales of the nightlife in Smallville.
She never stops, does she? Not that I've noticed.
Any luck finding the comedian? Three nights, and not so much as a green hair.
Of course, you have been dividing your time between work and Lois.
Is that a problem? Let's just say I'm concerned.
Your reputation is dubious in and out of costume.
Don't worry.
I'm taking Lois quite seriously.
Besides, it seems to me you had your chance.
So, Mr.
Wayne, ready to sweep me off my feet? Be seeing you.
This city is gorgeous at night.
Is it? I wasn't looking at the city.
Lois.
About Clark Kent.
Are you and he? I mean.
No, Bruce.
Your only competition flew away some time ago.
My, you do live dangerously.
Don't you realize you're moving in on Superman's main squeeze? And then I said.
They've got guns! Take your hands off her, you-- See that he's street pizza.
In this town, some flying fool could have caught him.
Well, aren't we tenacious? Catch you next time, Brucie.
Swell.
Now Gotham's sending us their wackos.
Don't worry, Mr.
Wayne.
The SCU will get her back safe and sound.
Thank you, inspector.
-You realize she's just the bait.
-I'll be careful.
Careful won't cut it.
With Joker, expect the unexpected.
Maybe you should have remembered that.
Think of it, Miss Lane.
This rock is more precious than gold.
One teensy chip will go for thousands on the collectors' market after it kills your flyboy.
-You sick, demented, murdering freak! -How rude.
Half for now and half for later.
You've got a front row seat for the story of the century, my dear.
The death of Superman.
SCU, Turpin.
Am-scray, turnip.
I wanna talk to the boy in blue.
You got something to say, clown, say it to-- I'm here, Joker.
What have you done with Lois Lane? She's right here, Superman and she'd love to see you.
Want to know where here is? Don 't blink.
Got the picture, Supey? Come alone.
No cops or little Lois dies laughing.
Wait, what picture? What did he mean? More powerful than a locomotive.
And just about as subtle.
I'm flattered you put on your Sunday best.
Where is she, Joker? Forget about Lois.
Feast your eyes on this.
Now, I'll ask you once more.
I don't understand.
I had it all planned so perfectly.
-Oh, wait, that's it.
-What? Silly me.
I forgot the acid.
What's the matter, Supey? No steam left in the old locomotive? I hope you're taking notes.
-Not now.
-But, pudding -Batman's headed your way.
-Get out.
Pardon my hasty exit.
We have a pest control problem.
Feel free to expire any time.
I'll be back in a moment.
Two for the price of one.
I love it.
And the best part is you're all going out with a smile.
Have a happy-- Hydrochloric acid.
It would take a week to eat through the wall.
No.
Wait.
Kryp-- Kryptonite.
Snap out of it, Kent.
Or Joker gets the last laugh.
Keep your heads down.
They're loose! That's not fair.
It's over, Joker.
It hasn't begun, Supey.
He's gotta be kidding.
They're grenades.
Expect the unexpected.
Thank you.
I couldn't have saved Lois without your help.
I'm aware of that.
Bruce.
Bruce Wayne.
He was with me when Joker.
Is he all right? Do you know? He's fine.
Just fine.
I wish to assure all of Metropolis that this explosion was non-nuclear.
And presents no danger to the community.
-Now, if you'll excuse me.
-Hey, what about The Joker, Mr.
Luthor? You heard the man.
What could have possessed me to trust that clown? Hello, Mr.
J.
I'm Batman.
Eat me, eat me, eat me! I know you're trying to cheer me up, Harley.
But you see, any time I blow a billion-dollar deal it really kills my appetite! Honestly, Lex, don't you think I feel bad enough already? You maniac! You idiot! -How dare you use one of my laboratories-- -Harley? -Put him down, baldy.
-Mercy.
Here's for that punch in the face.
Can't we discuss this like gentlemen? Listen to little Miss Can't-Take-A-Joke.
Thank you.
Have a seat, please.
Banzai! You owe me an explanation.
The lab was a perfect set-up.
How did I know old bat-breath would show up? Batman? He followed you to Metropolis? Oh, right.
Like it's my fault.
Look, I've still got half the Kryptonite.
I can still finish the job.
But if I have to cope with two men in tights -the price goes up.
-Unacceptable.
If you can't handle some mental case in a fright mask, our deal is off.
Mercy, let's go.
Keep in mind, this is your last chance.
How you doing, slugger? A-okay, Mr.
J.
Hey, Smallville.
Come in.
What's up? I see you're holding up after last night.
I've been.
I didn't realize you had company.
Whoa, you might at least tell me why you stopped by.
I've been nosing around.
I think I may know why The Joker is suddenly after Superman.
Well, don't keep us in suspense.
I think he's in cahoots with your boyfriend's business partner.
With Lex? Are you sure? I can't prove it.
Yet.
I suppose I could ask him.
What? Who? -What do you want? -lnformation.
Regarding a mutual acquaintance.
What are you talking about? I don't know any-- You know exactly who I mean.
Where is he? What kind of deal have you made with him? I don't.
-l.
-Mr.
Luthor.
Are you all right? -Who's in there? -Open up! -He's in trouble.
-The door's locked.
I don't have the keys.
Think about it.
I'll be back.
All right, break it in.
-Mr.
Luthor? -Get out.
Contact the clown immediately.
It appears we'll have to deal with his friend after all.
A transfer? Just to the Planet's Gotham City bureau.
Does this mean you and Bruce? We haven't made a formal commitment or anything, but yeah, it's that serious.
Hey, chin up, Smallville.
With me out of the picture you might get a shot at stardom.
Lois! Clark! I just got word the cruise ship S.
S.
Atlantis is sending a distress call Exactly.
Call the Coast Guard to confirm and the cruise line for a statement.
You're not out of here yet, Lane.
What the devil is he up to now? A change of attire, sir? How fast can we get to Hobbs Bay? If I may be so bold.
When in Rome, sir.
-What's the problem, captain? -What do you mean? You sent out a distress call, didn't you? Not on my authorization.
There's the culprit.
It's broadcasting an electronic beacon.
If one of my crew is responsible for this prank, they-- What is it? What's happening? Whoever sent that distress signal just provided the distress.
Copybat, copybat.
Suffering from propulsion envy, Batboy? Think of it as a welcome wagon, Bats welcoming you to the nearest mortuary.
[ENGLlSH.]
I'm having breakfast with Bruce.
Isn't that special.
He's very thoughtful and much deeper than the gossip mongers would lead you to believe.
You'd be surprised.
Where's The Joker? Lexy, old kid.
Pay me one billion dollars, and I'll kill Superman.
The Joker has 20 pounds more where this came from.
You know I can't be connected to this in any way.
Deal? Deal.
The senator declined comment.
Done.
And not a moment too soon.
Bruce.
When did you--? About three paragraphs ago.
I didn't wanna distract you.
Ready to do the town? Give me a minute to see the chief, then I'm all yours.
Clark, keep an eye on Bruce, will you? I'll be right back.
-Actually, Lois-- -Don't be intimidated.
Regale him with madcap tales of the nightlife in Smallville.
She never stops, does she? Not that I've noticed.
Any luck finding the comedian? Three nights, and not so much as a green hair.
Of course, you have been dividing your time between work and Lois.
Is that a problem? Let's just say I'm concerned.
Your reputation is dubious in and out of costume.
Don't worry.
I'm taking Lois quite seriously.
Besides, it seems to me you had your chance.
So, Mr.
Wayne, ready to sweep me off my feet? Be seeing you.
This city is gorgeous at night.
Is it? I wasn't looking at the city.
Lois.
About Clark Kent.
Are you and he? I mean.
No, Bruce.
Your only competition flew away some time ago.
My, you do live dangerously.
Don't you realize you're moving in on Superman's main squeeze? And then I said.
They've got guns! Take your hands off her, you-- See that he's street pizza.
In this town, some flying fool could have caught him.
Well, aren't we tenacious? Catch you next time, Brucie.
Swell.
Now Gotham's sending us their wackos.
Don't worry, Mr.
Wayne.
The SCU will get her back safe and sound.
Thank you, inspector.
-You realize she's just the bait.
-I'll be careful.
Careful won't cut it.
With Joker, expect the unexpected.
Maybe you should have remembered that.
Think of it, Miss Lane.
This rock is more precious than gold.
One teensy chip will go for thousands on the collectors' market after it kills your flyboy.
-You sick, demented, murdering freak! -How rude.
Half for now and half for later.
You've got a front row seat for the story of the century, my dear.
The death of Superman.
SCU, Turpin.
Am-scray, turnip.
I wanna talk to the boy in blue.
You got something to say, clown, say it to-- I'm here, Joker.
What have you done with Lois Lane? She's right here, Superman and she'd love to see you.
Want to know where here is? Don 't blink.
Got the picture, Supey? Come alone.
No cops or little Lois dies laughing.
Wait, what picture? What did he mean? More powerful than a locomotive.
And just about as subtle.
I'm flattered you put on your Sunday best.
Where is she, Joker? Forget about Lois.
Feast your eyes on this.
Now, I'll ask you once more.
I don't understand.
I had it all planned so perfectly.
-Oh, wait, that's it.
-What? Silly me.
I forgot the acid.
What's the matter, Supey? No steam left in the old locomotive? I hope you're taking notes.
-Not now.
-But, pudding -Batman's headed your way.
-Get out.
Pardon my hasty exit.
We have a pest control problem.
Feel free to expire any time.
I'll be back in a moment.
Two for the price of one.
I love it.
And the best part is you're all going out with a smile.
Have a happy-- Hydrochloric acid.
It would take a week to eat through the wall.
No.
Wait.
Kryp-- Kryptonite.
Snap out of it, Kent.
Or Joker gets the last laugh.
Keep your heads down.
They're loose! That's not fair.
It's over, Joker.
It hasn't begun, Supey.
He's gotta be kidding.
They're grenades.
Expect the unexpected.
Thank you.
I couldn't have saved Lois without your help.
I'm aware of that.
Bruce.
Bruce Wayne.
He was with me when Joker.
Is he all right? Do you know? He's fine.
Just fine.
I wish to assure all of Metropolis that this explosion was non-nuclear.
And presents no danger to the community.
-Now, if you'll excuse me.
-Hey, what about The Joker, Mr.
Luthor? You heard the man.
What could have possessed me to trust that clown? Hello, Mr.
J.
I'm Batman.
Eat me, eat me, eat me! I know you're trying to cheer me up, Harley.
But you see, any time I blow a billion-dollar deal it really kills my appetite! Honestly, Lex, don't you think I feel bad enough already? You maniac! You idiot! -How dare you use one of my laboratories-- -Harley? -Put him down, baldy.
-Mercy.
Here's for that punch in the face.
Can't we discuss this like gentlemen? Listen to little Miss Can't-Take-A-Joke.
Thank you.
Have a seat, please.
Banzai! You owe me an explanation.
The lab was a perfect set-up.
How did I know old bat-breath would show up? Batman? He followed you to Metropolis? Oh, right.
Like it's my fault.
Look, I've still got half the Kryptonite.
I can still finish the job.
But if I have to cope with two men in tights -the price goes up.
-Unacceptable.
If you can't handle some mental case in a fright mask, our deal is off.
Mercy, let's go.
Keep in mind, this is your last chance.
How you doing, slugger? A-okay, Mr.
J.
Hey, Smallville.
Come in.
What's up? I see you're holding up after last night.
I've been.
I didn't realize you had company.
Whoa, you might at least tell me why you stopped by.
I've been nosing around.
I think I may know why The Joker is suddenly after Superman.
Well, don't keep us in suspense.
I think he's in cahoots with your boyfriend's business partner.
With Lex? Are you sure? I can't prove it.
Yet.
I suppose I could ask him.
What? Who? -What do you want? -lnformation.
Regarding a mutual acquaintance.
What are you talking about? I don't know any-- You know exactly who I mean.
Where is he? What kind of deal have you made with him? I don't.
-l.
-Mr.
Luthor.
Are you all right? -Who's in there? -Open up! -He's in trouble.
-The door's locked.
I don't have the keys.
Think about it.
I'll be back.
All right, break it in.
-Mr.
Luthor? -Get out.
Contact the clown immediately.
It appears we'll have to deal with his friend after all.
A transfer? Just to the Planet's Gotham City bureau.
Does this mean you and Bruce? We haven't made a formal commitment or anything, but yeah, it's that serious.
Hey, chin up, Smallville.
With me out of the picture you might get a shot at stardom.
Lois! Clark! I just got word the cruise ship S.
S.
Atlantis is sending a distress call Exactly.
Call the Coast Guard to confirm and the cruise line for a statement.
You're not out of here yet, Lane.
What the devil is he up to now? A change of attire, sir? How fast can we get to Hobbs Bay? If I may be so bold.
When in Rome, sir.
-What's the problem, captain? -What do you mean? You sent out a distress call, didn't you? Not on my authorization.
There's the culprit.
It's broadcasting an electronic beacon.
If one of my crew is responsible for this prank, they-- What is it? What's happening? Whoever sent that distress signal just provided the distress.
Copybat, copybat.
Suffering from propulsion envy, Batboy? Think of it as a welcome wagon, Bats welcoming you to the nearest mortuary.
[ENGLlSH.]