The Cosby Show s02e17 Episode Script

OH, RUDY, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
IT'S TIME FOR BED.
AW, MOM! ONE MORE? NO, IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME.
CLAIR, JUST ONE MORE.
OKAY, JUST ONE.
WHAT TIME IS IT WHEN AN ELEPHANT SITS ON A FENCE? I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT TIME IS IT? TIME TO GET A NEW FENCE! RUDY, YOU HAVE A GIFT FOR TELLING JOKES.
I KNOW.
OKAY, BABY, THAT'S IT.
LET'S GO.
CAN I WAIT UP FOR DADDY AND GRANDPA? THEY'LL BE LATE.
I COULD WAIT.
YOUR GRANDFATHER IS PLAYING THE TROMBONE WITH HIS FRIENDS TONIGHT.
THEY MAY STAY UP LATE.
RUDY, IT'S BEDTIME.
PLEASE? PLEASE? NO.
PLEASE, JUST ONE MORE FOR HER GRANDMOTHER? OKAY, BUT THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE LAST JOKE.
OKAY.
KNOCK KNOCK.
WHO'S THERE? ORANGE.
ORANGE WHO? ORANGE YOU GLAD THIS IS MY LAST JOKE? THAT'S WONDERFUL.
AND THAT IS THE END.
GOOD NIGHT, RUDY.
GOOD NIGHT, GRANDMA.
GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.
CAN I "ZRBTT" YOU? WHAT'S THAT? THIS.
( RASPBERRIES ) WAIT A MINUTE! ( RASPBERRIES! ) ( LAUGHING ) THAT WAS A PITIFUL PERFORMANCE, DAD.
SON, YOU'VE SAID THAT ALL THE WAY HOME.
AREN'T YOU THROUGH? NO, BECAUSE IT WAS A PITIFUL PERFORMANCE.
IS THAT A WAY TO TALK TO YOUR FATHER? NO, THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
MY FATHER WAS NOT UP ON THAT BANDSTAND.
MY FATHER'S FRIENDS WERE UP THERE.
MY FATHER LOOKED LIKE SOMEBODY SHOVED A TROMBONE IN HIS HAND.
YOU'RE NOT TOO BIG TO GO OVER MY KNEE.
YOU NEVER PUT ME OVER YOUR KNEE.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO START.
HI.
HOW DID IT GO? GREAT! OH, GOOD.
I WAS EXCITED.
WHEN DAD WAS UP ON THAT BANDSTAND I TURNED TO SOME PEOPLE AND SAID "MY FATHER'S GETTING READY TO PLAY.
HOLD ON TO YOUR CHAIRS.
" I TOLD THE WAITERS TO SIT DOWN AND MADE THEM SHUT THE AIR CONDITIONER.
HOW DID HE SOUND? HOW ABOUT SOME TEA? NOW EVERYBODY STARTS TO PLAY AND IT SOUNDS LIKE THE OLD GROUP.
AND THE DRUMMER ( IMITATES JAZZ DRUMMING ) ( IMITATES JAZZ SAXOPHONE ) AND DAD RIGHT ALONG WITH THEM.
AND I'M SITTING THERE, GOING AND I'M TELLING THE PEOPLE "THAT'S MY FATHER.
" AND YOU-KNOW-WHO, STANDING NEXT TO DAD COMES TO HIS SOLO, AND HE PLAYS ( IMITATES SAXOPHONE ) AND DAD'S STANDING THERE, POPPING HIS FINGERS, SAYING: "YEAH, GO AHEAD.
DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
" ( IMITATES SAXOPHONE ) PEOPLE ARE GOING CRAZY, AND I SAID "WAIT TILL MY FATHER COMES ON.
" AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, Z-Z-Z-H-H-H BASH! THE MAN STOPPED, LOOKED AT DAD, AND SAID: "YOU GOT IT.
" AND MY FATHER STOOD UP AND I TOLD EVERYBODY, "THIS IS IT!" AND MY FATHER'S THERE-- * F-R-R-P * * F-E-E-P * * F-A-A-P * AND THEN STOOD BACK AND ACTED LIKE HE HAD PLAYED THE GREATEST THING ANYBODY EVER HEARD, MOM.
AND IT WAS JUST PITIFUL.
DAD, WHY DIDN'T YOU PLAY MORE? THAT WAS MY SOLO.
I'D SAID WHAT I WANTED TO SAY.
I'VE ALWAYS PRIDED MYSELF ON COMING TO THE POINT WITH MY MUSIC.
HA HA HA HA HA! YOU?! MY FATHER IS A MAN WHO WHEN IT WAS HIS TURN TO TAKE A SOLO THIS MAN STARTED TO PLAY.
THE OTHER BAND MEMBERS KNEW IT WAS HIS SOLO.
THEY CAME DOWN OFF THE BANDSTAND GOT THEIR COATS GOT IN THE CAR DROVE TO THE NEXT STATE TO START ANOTHER JOB.
FINISHED THAT SET LOOKED AT THEIR WATCHES AND SAID "WELL, WE'LL JUST CASUALLY DRIVE ON BACK.
" THEY WALKED INTO THE CLUB AND JUST LEISURELY CAME BY TO GO BACK INTO THE DRESSING ROOM AND MY FATHER WHILE PLAYING FOR THE PAST THREE HOURS NONSTOP LOOKED AT THESE MEN AS IF TO SAY: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I'M JUST WARMING UP.
" JAZZ IS A FEELING TONIGHT, I PLAYED WHAT I FELT.
YES, YOU DID.
WHEN YOU LEFT FOR THE CLUB, YOU WERE EXCITED.
WHAT HAPPENED? I DON'T KNOW.
THOSE OTHER GUYS ARE STILL PLAYING.
THEY GO ON THE ROAD-- THEY'RE ACTIVE.
I'VE RETIRED.
OH.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CUTTING ON A BANANA AND WORKING ON SOMEONE WHO'S ALIVE.
THAT BAND IS ALIVE.
WHAT WILL YOU DO AT THE TRIBUTE? WHAT TRIBUTE? YOU KNOW RUSSELL'S BAND.
THEY'RE ALL GETTING TOGETHER NEXT WEEK TO HAVE AN OLD-FASHIONED JAM SESSION.
YOU KNOW, MR.
SINCLAIR-- ROSCOE SINCLAIR-- BEFORE HE DIED, HE SAID HE WANTED THE FELLAS TO HAVE AN OLD-FASHIONED JAM SESSION.
EVERYBODY AT THE CLUB IS TALKING ABOUT IT.
I WILL BE THERE.
YES.
BUT ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY * F-R-R-P * * F-E-E-P * * F-A-A-P * OR ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY? I'LL PLAY JUST FINE.
I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS IT.
I WANT A CUP OF TEA.
OKAY.
OKAY.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN WILL BE THERE.
OH, CLAIR, I DON'T THINK THEY'D BE INTERESTED.
NO, NO.
YOUR GRANDCHILDREN WOULD BE INTERESTED IN SEEING THEIR GRANDFATHER PLAY.
BUT A NIGHTCLUB IS NO PLACE FOR CHILDREN.
DAD, YOU STARTED TAKING ME TO YOUR JOBS WHEN I WAS TEN.
AND LOOK HOW YOU TURNED OUT.
GRANDPA! YEAH, RUDY! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED.
I WANT SOMEBODY TO TUCK ME IN.
THAT'S A GRANDDAD'S JOB.
OKAY, I'LL HAVE SOME HOT TEA WAITING FOR YOU.
COME ON, RUDY.
I'LL TELL YOU A STORY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
I KNOW SOME JOKES.
YOU DO? I WANT TO HEAR THEM ALL.
HE'LL BE UP THERE A LONG TIME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM.
OH, COME ON, ANNA.
HE WAS A PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN FOR 40 YEARS.
MAYBE HE DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE.
THAT'S NOT IT.
HEATHCLIFF, YOU WERE THERE.
HOW DID IT LOOK TO YOU? IT LOOKED TO ME LIKE MY FATHER WAS ON THE BANDSTAND WITH FELLAS WHO PLAY ALL THE TIME AND HE HAS BEEN RETIRED AND HE LOST HIS CONFIDENCE.
YOU OUGHT TO TALK TO HIM.
HE WON'T LISTEN.
WHY WON'T HE? BECAUSE HE'S A HUXTABLE MAN.
OH, YOU MEAN STUBBORN.
YOU KNOW IT.
I'M NOT STUBBORN.
THEY NEVER ADMIT IT.
IF I WAS STUBBORN, I WOULD ADMIT IT.
I HAVE TRIED TO GET RUSSELL TO PRACTICE BUT HE JUST WON'T.
DON'T TELL ME I'M STUBBORN.
HE WON'T EVEN PICK THE HORN UP? HE PICKS IT UP, AND PLAYS ONE PIECE AND IT IS THE SADDEST, SLOWEST THING YOU HAVE EVER HEARD! IT IS DEPRESSING.
WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING TO HIM ABOUT IT? SHE CAN'T DO THAT.
WHY NOT? BECAUSE HE'S A HUXTABLE MAN.
NOW WHAT? THE DIRECT APPROACH WON'T GET YOU ANYWHERE.
YOU HAVE TO SNEAK UP ON RUSSELL.
FLATTER HIM.
MAKE HIM FEEL GOOD.
THEN HE'LL LISTEN.
THAT IS NOT GOING TO WORK ON A HUXTABLE MAN BECAUSE WE WOULD RECOGNIZE THAT RIGHT AWAY.
CLIFF, I WOULD NEVER TRY SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON YOU.
YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE AND PERCEPTIVE.
THANK YOU.
(* SLOW JAZZ TROMBONE *) RUSSELL? YES, DEAR? RUSSELL, COME DOWN HERE, PLEASE.
I'M PRACTICING.
IT WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
OKAY.
AM I PRACTICING TOO LOUD? THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? JUST SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, BABY? DID YOU HEAR YOURSELF? OF COURSE.
HERE'S YOU PLAYING: (* BLAA BLAA BLAA BLAA BLAA *) ( NO AUDIO ) MONDAY NIGHT THAT BAND'S GOING TO BE PLAYING: (* BE-BE BE-BE BE BA-BA BA-BA BA-BA! *) YOU REMEMBER THAT RIFF? OF COURSE.
I USED TO WATCH A MAN PLAY THAT WITH FIRE AND PASSION.
YES.
BUT, HONEY, YOU SEE I WON'T LET YOU GO TO THAT CLUB MONDAY NIGHT SO SPENCER CUNNINGHAM CAN OUTBLOW YOU ON THE SAX.
HE CAN'T OUTBLOW ME.
HIS WIFE ALWAYS SAID HE COULD OUTPLAY YOU.
OH I WON'T SIT WITH HER ALL NIGHT AND LISTEN TO HER SAY "NOBODY CAN PLAY LIKE MY SPENCER.
" SHE WON'T BE AT THE TABLE.
SHE'LL PROBABLY BE SINGING.
RIGHT.
OFF-KEY AND WIGGLING HER HIPS.
SHE WOULDN'T BE UP THERE IF HER HUSBAND WASN'T IN THE BAND.
DO YOU WANT TO SING? NO, I DON'T WANT TO SING.
I WANT YOU TO PLAY SO ROSCOE CAN HEAR-- NOT LOUD, BECAUSE YOU CAN PLAY LOUD-- BUT GOOD.
HOW DO YOU THINK ROSCOE WOULD FEEL IF HE LOOKED DOWN FROM HEAVEN AND HEARD: (* BLAA BLAA BLAA *) NO, I WANT YOU TO PLAY IT LIKE THIS: (* BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA! *) ALL RIGHT, ANNA.
(* BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA! *) YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THAT? DO I HAVE A CHOICE? YOU DON'T REALLY.
OH (* SLOW JAZZ TROMBONE *) RUSSELL! YES, DEAR! (* BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA! *) (* JAZZ TROMBONE *) FASTER! FASTER! (* HOT JAZZ TROMBONE *) AH! YEAH! THAT'S IT.
(* TROMBONE BLAST *) HE ALWAYS USED TO DO THAT WHEN HE WANTED TO GET ME UPSTAIRS.
* LA TA DA * * DA DA DA DA DA * LOOKING GOOD! IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOUR DAD PLAYS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M LOOKING THROUGH THIS OLD PHOTO ALBUM TO SEE IF I CAN FIND SOME PICTURES OF DAD WITH HIS ORIGINAL BAND.
LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF, CLIFF.
UH-HUH.
* DO YOU REMEMBER * WE'RE NOT GOING TO PLAY "DO YOU REMEMBER.
" WHY NOT? BECAUSE EVERY TIME YOU START WITH ME WITH "DO YOU REMEMBER" ABOUT OUR WEDDING AND THEN IF I CAN'T REMEMBER, THEN YOU PUT ME IN A HEADLOCK.
I WOULDN'T DO THAT.
DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT TIME WE WERE MARRIED? THERE YOU GO.
WELL, DO YOU REMEMBER? AFTERNOON! I WAS JUST JOKING, THAT'S ALL.
DO YOU REMEMBER MY WEDDING DRESS? YOUR WEDDING DRESS WAS WHITE CHARMEUSE WITH A HIGH LACE COLLAR.
YOU HAD PEARL APPLIQUE CUT SIX INCHES BELOW THE KNEE.
DEAL WITH IT.
CLIFF, I LOVE YOU.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
YES.
WHAT COLOR TIE DID I WEAR? YOU HAD ON A RED TIE.
WRONG.
OKAY, IT WAS BURGUNDY.
WRONG AGAIN! THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME IN OUR LIVES AND YOU CANNOT REMEMBER A SIMPLE THING LIKE THE COLOR OF A PERSON'S TIE.
YOUR TIE WAS BLUE.
WRONG AGAIN! IT WASN'T BLUE.
IT WAS STRIPED.
THE TIE WAS GRAY.
IT WAS NOT GRAY! HERE'S A PICTURE OF IT.
GRAY TIE.
GRAY! THAT'S A BLACK AND WHITE PICTURE.
YOU CAN'T TELL FROM THAT.
DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
IT WAS GRAY.
YOU CAN SEE THAT.
EVERYTHING LOOKS GRAY.
MY WEDDING DRESS LOOKS GRAY.
OUR WEDDING ALBUM'S IN COLOR.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT IT IN COLOR.
AHA! THAT TIE WAS RED.
LET ME SEE.
NO.
I'M GOING TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
WHAT DID I DO NOW? ( SOBBING ) WERE YOUR SHOES PATENT LEATHER OR REGULAR? PATENT LEA YOU MEAN THE ONES I WAS WEARING? OH, YEAH.
THOSE WERE LEATHER, LEATHER, LEATHER.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FLOWER.
MY FLOWER WAS IN MY LAPEL.
AHH! OKAY.
WHAT KIND OF FLOWER WAS IT? I THINK IT WAS DAFFODI.
UH DAD.
WHAT DID YOU FORGET THIS TIME? HIS WEDDING DAY! HE CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HE WAS WEARING.
DAD! LOOK, SON WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, BURN EVERYTHING.
COME ON, LISTEN.
I'M NOT LISTENING TO ANOTHER JOKE.
ONE MORE? NO! JUST ONE MORE, PLEASE? ALL RIGHT.
LET'S HEAR IT.
KNOCK KNOCK.
ANOTHER KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE? YES.
KNOCK KNOCK.
WHO'S THERE? HOWARD.
HOWARD WHO? HOWARD YOU LIKE TO HEAR ANOTHER JOKE? VANESSA.
NO! THEO, KNOCK KNOCK.
NO! NO, WHO? NO WAY! IT'S SANDRA'S FAULT FOR BUYING HER THAT JOKE BOOK.
NEXT TIME SANDRA'S HOME WE LOCK HER UP IN HER ROOM WITH RUDY.
HEY.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS AND SEE IF YOU RECOGNIZE ANYBODY.
WHERE? LOOK AT THAT.
GRANDPA! UH-HUH.
HE'S SO YOUNG.
HE DOESN'T HAVE GRAY HAIR.
HIS HAIR DIDN'T TURN GRAY UNTIL HE HAD GRANDCHILDREN.
IS GRANDPA GOING TO SING TONIGHT? NO, RUDY.
GRANDPA JUST PLAYS.
THIS IS OLD PEOPLE'S MUSIC, BEFORE THEY HAD WORDS-- WHEN FILM HAD NO COLOR, TELEVISION HAD NO PICTURE AND CARS WERE MADE OF IRON.
THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF OUR HISTORY.
IS IT GOING TO BE FUN? IT WILL BE INTERESTING-- LIKE A MUSEUM.
THESE ARE NOT DINOSAURS.
THESE ARE MUSICIANS AND THEY'RE GOING TO BE JAMMING.
WHOA!! WHOA!! GET DOWN, DAD! ( DOORBELL ) HEY.
THEO.
HELLO.
YOU ARE TRULY BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.
I BELIEVE I HAVE SOME MONEY FOR THESE CHILDREN.
YOU'RE NOT GIVING THEM ANY MONEY TONIGHT.
COME OVER HERE.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
A LITTLE INSPIRATION.
NOW, WHO IS THAT? WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? THAT IS A HANDSOME GROUP.
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT! GRANDPA, ARE YOU READY TO PLAY? I THINK SO.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S BEEN GIVING ME MUSICAL DIRECTION.
TONIGHT SPENCER CUNNIGHAM IS GOING TO RETIRE HIS TENOR SAX AND MRS.
SPENCER CUNNINGHAM IS GOING TO RETIRE HER HIPS.
ALL RIGHT! LET'S GO TO THE GIG.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING YOU PLAY.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT MYSELF.
YES, AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING YOU PLAY.
REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I HEARD YOU PLAY? NO.
DAD, YOU BETTER REMEMBER OR SHE'LL PUT YOU IN A HEADLOCK.
PLEASE.
COME ON, DAD.
(* JAZZ MUSIC *) * SUN IS SHINING * * NO MORE PINING * * BYE-BYE, BLUES * * BYE-BYE, BLUES * * DON'T SIGH * * DON'T YOU DARE TO CRY * * BYE-BYE * * BYE, BLUES * AND NOW I'M JUST GOING TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE MYSELF A BOOK.
THANK YOU.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN EVEN THOUGH ROSCOE ISN'T WITH US WHEREVER HE IS, I'M SURE HE'S SMILING BECAUSE WE HAVE HERE TONIGHT ALL THE ORIGINAL MEMBERS OF "THE JAZZ CARAVAN.
" AND THE FINAL MEMBER HAS JUST ARRIVED-- "SLIDE" HUXTABLE.
( DRUM ROLL ) BEFORE WE START PLAYING, TAKE A GOOD LOOK BECAUSE STANDING HERE IS ABOUT 1,000 YEARS OF JAZZ.
ROSCOE, GET READY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE JAZZ CARAVAN! ( DRUM ROLL ) NORMALLY, WE LET SLIDE WARM UP BUT HOWEVER THERE IS NO TIME BECAUSE POTATO AND I ARE GETTING OLD.
NOT ME, BABY.
YOU'RE WRONG, BABY.
VAMOS, AMIGOS.
MUCHACHOS, A TOCAR! QUITE AN EVENING, WASN'T IT? YES, IT WAS.
IT WAS.
RUSSELL HASN'T LOST HIS TOUCH.
SPENCER HASN'T, EITHER.
SPENCER'S LOST HIS ENDURANCE.
HE'S IN DREAMLAND.
AND SO IS RUSSELL.