The Suite Life on Deck (2008) s02e17 Episode Script

Welcome aboard the s.
S.
Tipton.
Esteban: Oh, Mr.
moseby! I'm back.
( Both laugh ) - Oh! - Oh, it's so good to see my old boss again.
It's so good to see you again.
Now please put me down.
People can see up my shorts.
- Ooh.
Sorry.
- ( Laughs ) Esteban, welcome aboard.
How are things at the tipton? Still crazy? Actually, since you left, things have been very calm.
I wonder why.
Oh, little blond peoples! - Esteban! - You're here! - Good to see you.
- We had a pie for you, but it got caught on someone's face.
Seeing you is gift enough.
Oh, I have some special news.
I have come onboard to marry my sweetheart francesca - Congrat-- - Maria consuela Gonzalez - That's awe-- - Damaso Garcia Ramon - Oh, how-- - Lucia Greenberg Gomez.
- I am done.
- Oh.
- I'm so happy for you, man.
- Oh, Mr.
moseby, I was hoping that you would officiate - at the ceremony.
- I would be honored! Excellent! What size llama skin do you wear? - Oh dear.
- Would each of you like to be half a best man? We would be thrilled.
I'll do everything I can to make sure you have a wonderful wedding, complete with the traditions of your country.
And I'll do everything I can to talk you out of it.
So when do we get to meet the blushing bride? Oh.
Oh.
That's her.
Wow.
She is really Mature.
She must be loaded.
Not that her.
That her.
The other one is my mother.
She is a Saint.
Stand up straight! Who is your father-- quasimodo? That's one scary Saint.
Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows - we say - hey-ho, let's go! - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! I love it.
It's beautiful here.
Marcus, Bailey, this is our buddy Esteban from the tipton hotel.
- Hey, nice to meet you.
- Cody's told me a lot about you.
Oh, he has mentioned you too.
You're right.
The light does dance off her hair in a magical kaleidoscope of wonder.
I condition it with pigs' milk.
Oh, and I am thrilled to meet you, Mr.
little lil.
Your song was a huge hit in my country That is until your freakishly high voice made the sheep stop milking and the village almost starved.
Sorry, my ba-a-ad.
Oh, miss London! Esteban! Oh, thank goodness.
I am so tired of carrying that bag around.
Whew! I am no longer a bellhop.
I am now the hotel's assistant night manager.
Oh, goody! Then I don't have to tip you.
So, big news: Esteban is going to get married on the ship.
A wedding? How romantic.
I've always pictured our wedding outdoors in the sun, surrounded by nature.
Really? Because I've always pictured our wedding in the grand hall of the palace of wardenburg, steps from where Einstein was born.
- Outdoors.
- Okay.
This ship is the perfect place for me and my francesca to get married, but there is only one problem.
She found out you aren't rich? - No.
- Wait.
You found out she isn't rich? - No.
- Wait.
I'm lost.
Who isn't rich? I've got this.
Look, London-- spoon.
Shiny! - Continue.
- The only problem is my mother is a little critical of my francesca.
- How? - Well, she said she'd rather I marry a donkey.
She even signed me up for e-haw-harmony.
Well, maybe it's for the best, buddy.
You see, a single guy is like the mighty hawk sailing free in the clouds.
While the married guy is like the lowly goose-- cooped up and waiting to get slaughtered.
Look, I just cannot get my mother to accept my francesca.
Let London and I take your mom and francesca to dinner.
Maybe we can help them bond.
Ugh.
I hate helping people.
It's your good friend Esteban.
Eh.
- Come on.
- Wait, but-- but my spoon.
It's shiny.
Well, Esteban, if you're really going through with this thing, I think it's about time we talked about the only good part in getting married.
The bachelor party.
Huh? All: Oh! I like the way you think.
Staying out till all hours.
Getting wild.
- Just us guys.
- Oh yeah.
Drinking soda after 9:30.
Well, just us guys And Cody.
All right.
I'll see your three peanuts - and raise you 10.
- Ooh.
Oh.
- It is to you, Dudley.
- ( Clucking ) All in? Whoo! You're one pollo loco.
Call.
Read 'em and weep.
Full house, kings over queens.
- Wow.
- Man.
( Clucks loudly ) - Four of a kind? - Again? - He must be cheating.
- ( Clucking ) All right.
So this is Esteban's last night of freedom.
So can we move onto the more important business at hand? Oh, good idea.
I know for your traditional wedding feast you wanted a Guinea pig brisket, but I was thinking of going with a nice chicken cutlet.
( Clucks ) Oh, sorry, Dudley.
( Whispers ) We'll talk later.
Hey, let's not ruin a good bachelor party by talking about a wedding.
So I propose a toast.
Gentlemen, raise your juice boxes.
Now under most circumstances I find that marriage is a mistake.
I mean, one woman for the rest of your life? No thank you.
What Zack is trying to say is that we wish you a lifetime of joy and love with your beautiful bride.
- Oh.
- Hear hear! - Thank you.
Gracias.
- And if you change your mind I know where we can get a speedboat.
All right, now it's time for us guys to do some guy stuff.
- Oh! Goody goody goody! - All right.
Yeah.
Dare I suggest a mean game of Broadway musical charades? Yes! My Esteban is wonderful.
Is he not? Well, I just met him, but he seems like a great guy.
Eh.
- Good evening.
- It was.
Uh, francesca, I love your dress.
Just what my son needs-- a girl who spends all her money on clothing.
Actually I made it myself.
Huh.
Now she's bragging.
I'm so happy to finally spend time with you, seora Ramirez.
- You're always so busy.
- Well I need to cook for Esteban, clean for Esteban and teach English to Esteban.
Well, that explains a lot.
- "Cats.
" - ( Moseby mumbling ) "Wicked.
" "Evita.
" "A chorus line.
" "Annie.
" "Phantom of the opera.
" "Star wars"! That's not even a musical! What on earth would make you guess "star wars"?! I thought you were trying to cut off your arm with a lightsaber.
( Stammers ) Thawhy are you yelling at me? I'm getting married tomorrow! He's preparing you for the rest of your life.
( Grunts ) It's "Fiddler on the roof.
" Thank you.
Dude? I just wanted to get it over with.
Plus I'm a huge tevye fan.
( Knocks on door ) Oh, the "entertainment" is here.
- ( Clicks ) - ( Rock music playing ) Guys, get ready to experience the amazing, the totally awesome Coco! I'm coco, the party panda! Who's the special party boy? I am! I am! A panda? The card said "want to party like a wild animal? Call coco.
" When I said I wanted pandemonium, this is not what I meant.
Oh, this is the best bachelor party ever.
Thanks, guys.
Esteban.
Esteban, francesca is not-- why are you hugging a panda? Tragically, he's been the highlight of this party.
Esteban ( Speaks Spanish ) If you marry this girl, I will cry until I drown in my own tears.
Somebody needs a lollipop.
Ow! That hurt coco.
Esteban, I love you.
Tell your mother we are getting married tomorrow no matter what she thinks.
- Uh - ( Crying ) ( Sobbing ) Good! The wedding is off! Have fun.
Oh, this is a disaster! You're telling me.
I just spent the last six hours tailoring a llama suit.
Who wants a bear hug? I have lost the most beautiful girl in the world.
I'm right here.
I meant my francesca.
What am I gonna do about my mother? What your mother needs is to find something in her life that gives her joy besides you.
Maybe London and I can help.
Stop volunteering me to help people.
Thank you, Bailey.
In the meantime, I will go to my francesca and beg her forgiveness.
I will fall to my knees.
I will crawl.
I will grovel! It's like you're already married.
I figured out what to do about seora Ramirez.
You're gonna throw this water on her and see if she melts? ( Knocks on door ) Seora Ramirez, thank you so much for coming.
Is francesca here? - No.
- Then I'll stay.
We thought you might enjoy a little pampering.
Sit down.
We want to give you a mani-pedi.
- Thank you.
- Eww! I'm not gonna touch her feet.
Why not? Has francesca been telling lies about my feet? ( Chuckles ) Of course not.
So sit back, relax, tell us a little bit about yourself.
What are some of your hobbies? Let's see.
Yacht shopping, castle buying, yelling at maids-- not you-- seora Ramirez.
Well, I like to cook for Esteban, clean for Esteban and take pictures of Esteban.
( Chuckles ) We've got it.
What did you do before Esteban was born? I did used to play the guitar a little.
- Oh.
- Really? I have a guitar.
Wouldn't you love to hear seora Ramirez play us something? If it means I don't have to shave off this corn, I am all for it.
Here you go.
I really don't think I remember.
Oh, sure you do.
Try one little chord.
( Flamenco music playing ) Ah.
I am a little bit rusty.
Wow! This music makes me feel young.
It makes me want to dance again.
- So dance.
- Okay.
I'll show you flamenco.
( Speaking Spanish ) One two three four five six Eww! Foot water.
- Francesca.
- Francesca: Go away! Well, we tried.
Women.
Look, francesca, I am not leaving here until you agree to marry me and I will not take no for an answer.
- No! - Okay, then can you slide the ring under the door? Francesca, you mean the world to me and without you in my life, I have nothing.
Okay, I do have Dudley, but he doesn't like to cuddle.
Look, I just want to make you happy.
Esteban, I cannot be happy if your mother will not accept our marriage.
You must stand up to her.
I will do it For us.
- Oh, Esteban.
- Oh, francesca.
I've got it! Run! What is the emergency? Did someone fall overboard? Worse.
For Esteban's wedding, we need moccasins made from capybara skin, but the closest I could find were some rats in the bilge.
There are rats in the bilge? Not anymore.
- ( Groans ) - ( Salsa music playing ) Well, Esteban it looks like they're setting up for your big event.
You know, it's not too late to jump ship.
Oh, I just hope my mother doesn't jump ship when I tell her the wedding is back on.
Look.
All I'm saying is if you harness up with one mare, you're likely to miss all the wild fillies that run by, - like that one.
- Esteban: Oh wow.
In my country, we have a word for women who dance with such fire, such abandon, and that word is-- mommy?! ( Speaks Spanish ) What are you doing? Esteban, I am dancing.
Cuchi cuchi cuchi! - ( Cheering ) - You look-- you look-- I believe the word you're looking for is "hot.
" - Gracias.
- She is my mother.
The only place she looks hot is in the kitchen.
Fiesta! ( Trills ) - ( Clucking ) - All right.
Looking good, Esteban.
I just wish I felt good.
I cannot stop worrying about my mother.
I mean, she didn't come home from her date last night.
I don't even know if she's coming to the wedding.
Okay, dude, we've gotta talk, man to man - ( Clucks ) - To chicken.
Look, you know my feelings about marriage.
That it is the death of all joy.
Exactly.
But you know you love francesca and if you want to have a life with her, you're gonna have to stop worrying about your mommy.
But my mother means everything-- look, I'm gonna tell you something that I've never told anyone.
When our mom came on the boat to say goodbye, there was a part of me that said, "all right! Freedom!" Oh, I can imagine.
This is a great adventure.
But there was also a part of me that said, "mommy, don't go!" I hear you also dropped to your knees and cried like a little girl.
Cody emailed everybody.
I'm gonna punch him in the neck.
Anyway, my point is I had to let go so I could move on to a new adventure.
Your mom has let go.
Yes, of most of her clothes and her sanity! Well, wouldn't you rather she be happy after you get married than sitting alone missing you? Oh.
I guess.
So go.
Get married.
Be happy.
Thank you, Zack.
You know, I think maybe you really are a romantic.
Don't tell anyone or I'll punch you in the neck And your little chicken too.
Where's Mr.
moseby? We need our officiant.
Moseby: I'm not coming out dressed like this.
- People will laugh.
- Oh, come on.
It's a sacred ceremony.
No one will laugh.
( People laughing ) Quiet! Or I'll shed on you.
Marcus, cue music.
( "The bridal chorus" playing ) ( Scratching ) Sorry, force of habit.
- Boy, can I pick 'em.
- Beautiful.
Please join hands.
We are gathered here today to join Esteban Julia Ricardo Montoya de la rosa Ramirez and francesca consuela Maria Gonzalez damaso Garcia Ramon Lucia Greenberg Gomez Boy, your driver's license must be huge.
Now if there is anyone who objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Seora Ramirez: Stop! Ay yi yi.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Mommy, I am sorry, but you are not going to stop this wedding.
I am going to marry my francesca.
No.
Not until I play a song for you and my beautiful new daughter.
Guests: Aww.
( Acoustic guitar playing ) Okay, the clock is ticking, people.
Unless you like overcooked Guinea pig, - let's get this show on the road.
- Yeah! Esteban, francesca, do you take each other to have and to hold, to love and to cherish and to protect each other from poison spiders, poison snakes, poison frogs, poison leaves-- we have a lot of poison in my country.
Moseby: Oh, okay.
Well, then, can I have an "I do"? Both: I do.
Moseby: Wonderful.
Then by the power vested in me and the binka boopa boppa decapitee boopadee I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
( "The wedding march" playing ) You know, Cody, after seeing this beautiful ceremony, I've changed my mind-- I want a big traditional wedding.
Are you kidding? I'm never going through this again.
- When the time comes, we're eloping.
- Okay.
You know, Dudley, you look good in a tux.
Hey, what's this? I knew you were cheating.
And now we throw the llama priest into the volcano.
( Laughs ) What?! But in this case, the hot tub.
- No no no.
- ( Applauding )