The West Wing s02e17 Episode Script

Previously on The West Wing : I didn't make the decision to run again.
I wouldn't do that without you.
Sometimes I wonder if I Iistened to you would I be president right now? You ever wonder that? No, sir.
I know it for sure.
-Do you get that you have MS? -Abbey.
Do you get that your own immune system is shredding your brain? I've had one episode in two years.
Mr.
President, is there anything we need to talk about? Not yet, okay? -- "teaspoon of salt, one cup of corn flake crumbs.
" Dear Dad: First of all, happy birthday.
Second of all, let me explain why I'm not on my way there right now.
You 're not going to believe this, but it 's because of a filibuster.
A filibuster that no one ever saw coming.
Not the Senate leadership, not the party leadership, and not me.
And if you 're angry at me, well, you 've got a lot of company.
I'm going to explain all this.
Right now, it 's Friday night and everyone 's trying to get out the door only I won 't let them.
-- "24 shrimp yield approximately four to six servings.
" T his isn' t happening.
-C.
J.
! -Y eah.
-What is he doing? -It's a recipe for deep-fried shrimp.
-What's he still doing up there? -He's got a recipe book.
-How Iong will it go? -I don't know.
How many recipes are there? -AII together? -Y eah.
I can't cook, but I think there are, Iike, 20 or 30.
-You' re screwing with me? -Y eah.
I' m about to miss the 7:30 shuttle.
If I miss the 8:30, I miss the train to Sag Harbor.
-Spend the night in New Y ork.
-I've only got 2 nights.
You gotta see this house.
It's a Frank LIoyd Wright.
-Isn't it cold in Sag Harbor? -We wear sweaters.
It's a T ommy Hilfiger ad.
He can't Iast forever.
-He's got 30 recipes he can still read.
-There are more recipes than that.
Who cares? He's blowing my weekend in the Hamptons.
He doesn't know about the sweaters.
The reason they needed to stay is, after the filibuster's over, there 'll be a vote.
And once they vote, I need my spin boys.
-C.
J.
-I know.
-Who gave him the recipe book? -We can't blame this on the recipe book.
PIus, I now know the secret to asparagus Chantilly is a quarter cup of cream.
I' m going to Port St.
Lucie, which may not mean anything to you - but it's the spring training home-- -New Y ork Jets.
You told me.
You can watch basketball on TV.
Y es, except the Knicks are a basketball team.
The Jets are a football team, and Port St.
Lucie -is the spring training home of the-- -Mets! Y es, damn it, I' m inadequate.
A weekend at spring training, C.
J.
Mike Piazza is gonna be standing in the batting cage.
He's gonna turn and see me, he's gonna say, " Dude.
" I wouldn't want you to miss a Iegitimate dude sighting.
-So I can take off? -No.
Why do I need the spin? Because it's a bipartisan bill and I'm all for it as long as we get the credit.
So I've taken the press corps hostage.
-C.
J.
! -Guys, I' m sorry, but you know what? Listen.
Seriously.
You' re Iooking at democracy at work.
It's a beautiful thing.
How much more beauty can we be expecting tonight? -I wouldn't think it'd be much Ionger.
-He's got a recipe book.
How many recipes can there be? I' m supposed to have dinner with my girlfriend.
She's gonna kill me.
This is just the thing that can cleanse the palate of a relationship that's gone stale.
We've been going out for 3 weeks.
And she's already bitching about dinner? Lose her.
-C.
J.
! -Listen up, everybody! This was unforeseen.
Obviously, he's gotta finish sometime.
When he does, there'II be a vote immediately.
Then the president will make his calls, staff will be available for comment and most important, you will write about it.
In the meantime, I say pizza for everybody.
Who's with me? Excellent! We' re gonna need a truckload of pizza and some Cuervo 1 800 if we've got it.
-How much? -Just enough for me.
-I need to be at T elluride in the morning.
-That's a rough assignment you pulled.
No, I' m saying I already missed the 6: 50 to Denver but I can catch an 8:40 from National if I change planes in Chicago.
And as your travel agent, it's important you update me on that.
I' m supposed to be on my way to Napa for my dad's 70th birthday.
-You hear me complaining? -You just did.
Get out.
-It's your dad's 70th birthday? -Y eah.
You doing anything? We' re all getting together in Napa.
-I meant right now.
-No, I' m sitting and waiting.
I' m ordering pizza.
I' m catching up on e-mails.
AII right.
I got a basketball game on in my office if you wanna come.
-Jets and the Mets? -Nets and the Hawks.
-Jets and the Mets? -I know, I' m joking when I do this.
Okay.
You know, there's a 9:00 to SFO.
You can drive to Napa.
Y eah.
AII right.
I' m in my office.
It'II end.
You have any idea how many recipes there are? I really don't.
"A pack of frozen chicken livers a teaspoon of dry mustard.
" The press is in the briefing room, staff's in the west wing and I'm right here.
I'm betting when you read this, you 're gonna be glad I stayed.
You 'll end up rooting for a Minnesota senator named Howard Stackhouse.
Because I gotta tell you, this doesn 't seem like any old filibuster.
It 's our first filibuster, and I'm not a rules expert but the rules of a filibuster are simple enough: You keep the floor as long as you hold the floor.
What does that mean? It means you can 't stop talking ever.
You can 't eat and you can 't drink, which is fine because you can 't leave the chamber to use the bathroom either.
But all that 's nothing compared to this: You 're not allowed to sit down.
You 're not allowed to lean on anything, or for that matter, anyone.
It started with a bill you 'll read about tomorrow called the Family Wellness Act.
Josh had been leading staffers from the Legislative Liaison Office in negotiations with the conference chairman for weeks.
And last Monday morning, he walked into the Roosevelt Room and said: We got the Family Wellness Act.
-It's done? -Y es.
-What'd we get, what'd we Iose? -We got most of Title VII.
-That's infant hearing Ioss? -We got hearing tests for every child born.
-What about--? -We didn't get hearing tests -for those not born in hospitals.
-We can Iive with that.
The Special Needs Adoption Awareness Program? This is a campaign to provide information regarding the adoption of special-needs children.
-How did we get it? -By requiring health care staff to give pregnant women information about adoption on an equal basis with all other courses of action.
National Organization for Women will hate that.
-I know.
-Women seeking abortions shouldn't be required to be Iectured at.
-You' re gonna help me out there, right? -I will.
I will once again betray the sisterhood.
I saw you, you, you and you roll your eyes.
-You weren't even Iooking at me.
-I felt you.
We' re done.
Josh Lyman, everybody.
Nice job.
-I know, I' m thinking about turning pro.
-Y eah? I got agents telling me I could go high in the second round maybe Iow in the first if I have a good post-season.
You don't want to stay in school? No, I' m white.
Nobody's gonna mind.
Josh, this Iooks good.
I mean, he stuck sunsets on a bunch of small-ticket items, but-- That's the way it's gonna happen.
You just spent $6 billion on health care, how do you feel? I'd feel better if it meant I could go to a doctor without filling out a clipboard.
AII right, what else? Philip SIuman, chairman of the Petroleum Producers of America testified yesterday to the FT C: "The Bartlet administration's relentless pursuit of stricter emissions standards in the form of additives Iike MTBE is a big reason we've seen price hikes in parts of the country.
" The energy secretary's gotta respond.
He's gonna respond, and I'd Iike to mention that to the vice president.
-You want me to do it? -I got it.
-He's gonna be pretty unhappy.
-Y eah.
-Anything else? -No.
-No.
-No, sir.
Thank you.
So there it was, the Family Wellness Act.
An omnibus health bill aimed at diseases that disproportionately affect children.
This was a good day because something got done.
The problem is, we only thought it was done.
Dad, this would be a good time to mention that it 's possible that an Egyptian cat goddess named Bast has put an ancient curse on me.
C.
J.
-Charlie.
-Listen.
-May I call you Chip? -No.
-Chipper? -No.
-Gilligan? -Listen.
-Hassan AIi is coming this week.
-He's got 38 wives.
Imagine being the girl he dated who he didn't marry.
-Hassan AIi is coming? -Yeah.
On the president's trip to Cairo, AIi gave him a gift, a ceramic statue.
The State Department told the Office of Protocol it's important it be displayed when AIi visits.
-Display it.
-Well, they weren't able to find it.
-T alk to the gift officer.
-They did.
-And? -They say you have it.
-I' m sorry? -Sherry Halpern, the gift officer said she handed it to you in Cairo.
-Did you say a small ceramic statue? -Y eah, of a cat.
Okay.
Okay.
-Okay.
-C.
J.
? -You know anything? -I'II have to think about it.
I don't have instant recall of every ceramic cat statue I've ever been handed in Cairo.
-Should I tell them--? -T ell them I' m searching my recollection.
Their recollection seemed pretty good.
-Leave me now.
-Sure.
-T oby? -I' m going to see Hoynes, talk Iater.
-Okay.
Carol? -What do you need? Some information.
Possibly a disguise and a fast getaway car.
Come inside.
T ell me, how did they not anticipate the flooding? There was an unexpectedly high snowmelt.
The snow fell months ago.
Did they not think it was gonna melt this year? -Thank you, everybody.
-Thank you so much.
-Thank you.
-It was a pleasure.
-Thank you.
Beautiful quilts.
-Thank you very much, sir.
-The temperatures were warm Iast month.
-We don't know why.
It could have had something to do with the sun, right? -Sir? -We' re done.
Y eah? -Can you see T oby Ziegler? -Y eah.
That's 8 trillion gallons.
-Hey, T oby.
-Good morning, Mr.
Vice President.
The California Aqueduct is twice the Iength of Pennsylvania.
-I knew it was pretty big.
-What do you need? Philip SIuman, testifying yesterday in front of the FTC charged that it was the White House's pursuit of tighter emission standards -that's caused the rise in prices-- -SIuman had a good point.
Mr.
Vice President, I don't want to go round and round on SIuman.
He had no point.
Policy forces them to use expensive additives -whose benefits are questionable.
-It's price gouging.
It costs marginally more to refine the fuel with the additives and the cost is being passed on to the consumer at an outrageous markup.
If a refinery shuts down if there's a fire, which isn't out of the question with petroleum production comes to a halt, gas becomes scarce.
The prices go up.
Then they come back down.
Well, it's good to know the companies can make it through the Iean times.
Anyway, sir, tomorrow night Bill T rotter's gonna be delivering a speech to the Detroit Economic Council on " Energy Efficiency in the 21 st Century" and we'II rewrite the draft to include a strong rebuttal to SIuman's remark.
-You shouldn't have Bill T rotter do it.
-Why? His rants against the oil companies have become familiar.
-The press stopped writing about him.
-Still-- It's also pretty dicey political terrain for the energy secretary.
-Who would you send? -T o punch back? Me.
Really? I' m having a press conference to announce an advisory group for the antitrust policy.
I'II take questions at the end, open it up for anything.
And they will ask me about SIuman and oil.
-Mr.
Vice President-- -If you think I'II be too soft stand in the back of the room.
If you don't Iike what I say, call T rotter and say you' re on for tomorrow night.
Would you mind if I prepared some notes for you? Oh, not at all.
Would you mind if I shoved them up your ass? No, sir.
I.
Well, thank you, sir, we appreciate it.
-I heard you got the Family Wellness Act.
-They' re scheduled to vote Friday at noon.
You'II have the bill by 1 2:05.
"Six egg yolks, three cups of heavy cream.
Six tablespoons of sugar.
" I'll get back to the cat story because I have to interrupt to say this: If you ever have a free two hours and are so inclined try standing up without leaning on anything and talking the whole time.
You won 't make it.
I wouldn 't make it.
Stackhouse wasn 't supposed to last 15 minutes.
He 's 78 years old.
He has a head cold.
This bill is gonna pass.
He has no hope.
To say nothing of I can 't imagine what it is he 's fighting for.
Stackhouse wasn 't supposed to last 15 minutes.
--that is how you prepare Virginia green apple pie.
Let 's turn now to David Copperfield.
Well, somebody forgot to tell Stackhouse, Dad because he just went into hour number eight.
"-- whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.
To begin my life with the beginning of my life I record I was born, as I have been informed and believe on a Friday at 1 2:00 at night.
It was remarked that the clock began to strike and I began to cry simultaneously.
" -Hey.
-Hey.
What are you doing? Well, it's a Iittle complicated and indeed difficult to explain in Iayman's terms.
You can put the black seven on the red eight.
Thanks.
Hey, Sam, who's your favorite writer? T oby.
Who's your favorite fiction writer? -You' re Iistening to him right now.
-You Iike Dickens? Y eah.
You know, I never got a chance to say.
I mean, I feel bad about your dad and everything.
We' re doing better.
You know, the ice is starting to thaw.
I' m in the middle of an e-mail to my father.
-Do you talk to him a Iot? -Not enough.
You' re gonna miss the Iast plane.
I'II take Amtrak to Penn Station and rent a car.
Okay.
Well, I just came down to get this coffee.
Go back to your e-mail.
Hey, did I hear you got spanked by some 1 4-year-old kid -interning at the GAO? -I did not get spanked.
And she was 1 9 years old and I demonstrated once again that I am open to all forms of debate.
-With an intern? -If need be.
Okay.
-She was very crafty.
-Who? -The intern from the GAO.
-Y eah.
-Go back to your e-mail.
-I am.
-I' m taking my coffee with me.
-I'II see you upstairs.
"Then she made a frown and a gesture to my mother Iike one who was accustomed to be obeyed, to come open the door.
" Dear Jackass.
" 'Mrs.
David Copperfield, I think, ' said Miss Betsey the emphasis referring to my mother's mourning weeds and her condition not having been lighted, indeed, since my father's funeral.
" Dear Dad: C.
J.
Cregg is writing an e-mail to her father to kill time during the filibuster and it reminded me I haven 't told you any tales in the last few weeks.
Let 's start again, okay? Here 's one about how I got yelled at by a 19-year-old intern from the General Accounting Office.
Josh was having his twice-weekly meeting with assistant deputies.
He was basically staffing out inbox material for the next few days.
I was looking for a good piece of fruit.
Write this down.
Find out if sufficient funds have been appropriated to the FAA to begin work on data-Iink communications.
-They'II ask what sufficient funds mean.
-That's when you get me on the phone.
-What are you doing? -Looking for a piece of fruit.
Can we show you something from the back, or? -I' m fine.
-Okay, here's one.
The White House has been instructed by Congress to compile a Iist of 400 government reports that should be eliminated as they serve Iittle purpose and cost taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars.
We'II assume, though the modifier was dangling they mean the reports serve Iittle purpose, not Congress itself.
-Who wants to Iead it? -I will.
You' re not in this meeting.
You' re shopping for fruit.
I' m done with the fruit.
I was Iistening to you.
-You want to do this? -Absolutely.
-Why? -Because it's insane! We got over 3000 reports from federal agencies Iast year.
Agriculture spent $40 million producing 280 reports.
Four years of college, three years of Iaw school, I spent $30 at Kinko's.
-Give me the thing.
-AII right, we' re done.
Let me tell you something.
The GAO needs a Iittle housekeeping and that's my nickname, okay? I' m "The Housekeeper.
" -God, that's a terrible nickname.
-Well, start getting used to it.
-Let me talk to you a second.
-I' m not going with that anymore.
I was just with Hoynes.
About SIuman's testimony? What'd he say? -He defended it.
-Isn't that what you expected? -Did you tell him Bill T rotter was gonna--? -Y eah.
He said he wanted to do it himself.
-Really? -Y eah.
I don't understand.
He said he's doing a press conference tomorrow on antitrust and he'II take questions at the end.
They'II ask about the SIuman testimony and he'II step up.
-Well, somebody's gotta be there.
-Oh, I' m gonna be there.
If he ducks, T rotter goes on in Detroit.
But is it clear to you what he's doing? No.
Me neither.
Okay, so I got a team together and I went about the task of recommending 400 government reports for elimination.
-Report on Pell Grants for the incarcerated.
-What's that? -Education scholarships for prisoners.
-Wasn't that terminated? -But we write reports anyway? -Y eah.
-Lose it.
-Report on the study of Route 66.
Which tells us? Condition and traffic flow of America's oldest highway.
Anything I don't get from the song? Lose it.
Excuse me? -I didn't say anything.
-You made a sound.
-I'II be out of your way in a moment.
-Okay.
Apparently there are tiny mussels taking over the Great Lakes.
Lose it.
-Can I help you? -No, you' re screwing the world up.
-Who are you? -I' m an intern at the GAO.
-It's almost noon.
They'II start the vote.
-Let's go watch.
You stay a second.
-You' re an intern? -Y es.
-What are you, 1 4 years old? -I' m 1 9 years old.
And what's your problem with my cutting reports? Nothing, other than it being utterly bogus.
-What's your name? -Winnifred Hooper.
-Should I call you "Winnie"? -If you want me to spit at you.
-I don't.
-Okay.
The accounting office tells me I can save taxpayers $3 million by cutting 400 reports.
Now families can realize their dream of a college education for their children with the penny and a half you just saved them.
You blow through these Iike they don't mean anything.
-They don't.
-You' re an idiot! -Hey, you' re talking to senior staff.
-Gee, genuflect when you say that, fella.
" Report on the Obstacles to State and Local T raining Needs in Waste Management and Resource Recovery.
" -Know what this is? -Y es.
-Career opportunities for garbage men.
-And what's wrong with that? It's a tough sell, and I don't need a report to tell me.
Do you have any idea how much MSW this country generates in a single year? -That's.
-Municipal solid waste.
-I knew that.
-209 million tons of MSW or 4.
3 pounds per person per day.
And we only have hard data available from five years ago.
-So they would be even higher today? -You bet they would.
T rash collectors play an incredibly important role in our society.
They start work at 4 a.
m.
A three-person crew services 1 200 homes in six hours collecting 50,000 pounds of garbage.
How do you know all that? -I've read the report.
-You've read the report? -Y es.
-Why? -I' m allowed.
Anybody's allowed.
-No, I mean, why? Well, they' re all sitting in the room I work in.
So it just happens you read the report I pulled off the top? -I've read them all.
-You've read them all.
I Iike to read.
They Iet me come early and stay after.
Mr.
Seaborn, because of the Iow rate of unemployment people can be a Iot more choosy and the sanitation departments are having trouble hiring qualified trash collectors -which I think you'II agree we need.
-Y es.
Okay.
I have to go back to my room.
Winnie.
Y eah, I said it.
Listen, you' re talented.
When you get out of school, come see me for a job.
I suppose you' re not a complete Ioser.
And you write very well.
So when I get out of school, you should come see me for a job.
Back to the cat story.
I've done my research, and sure enough, I was quite screwed.
I was in trouble and I needed to tell someone, a cohort.
Someone whose criminal mind was equal to my own.
-Donna, I need to talk to you right now.
-I have to get these to people.
-So we went to Cairo Iast year, right? -Not me.
I had strep.
-I didn't, which is sad for me.
-Are you in trouble? -I may be in a spot of trouble.
-What happened? Hassan AIi gave the president a gift, a small ceramic statue of Bast.
-Bast? -Bast.
A cat goddess.
She was-- -Did Josh Ieave? -He went to Iunch.
She was the patron saint of Bubastis and rose to prominence during the 22nd Dynasty.
-How do you know this? -I Iooked it up.
-The cats in the temple-- -What temple? The T emple of Bubastis maybe, I don't know.
The cats in the temple wore jeweled collars.
They were treated royally.
They thought cats controlled the movement of the moon.
They had total authority over royal houses because of their ability to see in the dark.
Anyone who killed a cat was put to death.
-I' m sorry, C.
J.
, I' m not-- -I broke the damn statue.
Not badly but, you know, in several pieces.
Since it came out of his collection, breaking it would amount to a personal affront implying he had bad taste and that it was of Iittle value to the president.
They' re asking for you back at your desk.
-How did you break it? -I tossed it in my suitcase.
-You tossed it? -Do you know how much crap gets stuck in the president's hands? Didn't the gift officer know it was priceless? Apparently not, because she handed it to me with T-shirts and baklava.
-Donna? -Y eah.
-Why are you telling me? -I thought maybe you'd have an idea.
There's nothing I can think of, except agree you' re monumentally screwed.
-I hate to Ieave it at that.
-But you' re gonna.
-What's going on? -It's this phone message for Josh.
-From? -Howard Stackhouse.
Who has my wallet? Thank you.
Josh.
Did Stackhouse ask you to meet with one of his aides? -I' m not taking it.
-Why? He wants an amendment added to the Family Wellness Act for autism care and research.
-And we don't want to? -This is a " Christmas tree bill.
" Everyone hangs amendments on it.
We just closed it this morning.
-We try and hang a star on top-- -The tree topples and it doesn't pass.
Stackhouse doesn't have a Iot of muscle on this, so-- You got this phone message.
-From his office? -From him.
" Meet with me or there's not gonna be a vote while I' m alive.
Stackhouse.
" "--as if it were her fault, poor thing, and said, sobbing, that indeed she was afraid she was but a childish widow.
" Maybe it's the curse of Bast that made us not take the Stackhouse threat seriously but whatever the reason, it 's time to take it seriously because he 's gassing me out of time.
I've got two hours till the 1 1 :00 print deadline and there 's no way, there 's no way, he goes another two hours.
Let 's move on to the rules of cards.
There' s no way.
The message was pretty cryptic, like something you 'd slip to a bank teller.
And it was unusual to get it from a senator who 'd normally dispatch an aide.
Leo agreed, but was in no way concerned.
He told me to take the meeting, but not to sweat it and under no circumstances give anything away.
So I headed up to the Hill wearing, by the way the new shoes you bought me which I'd never worn before.
Since Dad's not here to do it, I think it 's my job to bore you with history now.
The filibuster's been a part of parliamentary stratagem for over 150 years.
The reason we weren 't sweating Stackhouse is that he isn 't someone you sweat.
He 's been around forever, but he has little influence Iittle power and few friends.
So Dad would want me to tell you where the word "filibuster" comes from.
It 's from the Dutch vrijbuiter, which translated literally means "freebooter.
" But what they meant was "buccaneer.
" -Afternoon, senator.
-Afternoon.
-Sounds Iike a bad cold.
-It' s fine.
Are you taking anything? I don't want to talk about my cold.
-I want $47 million to fight autism.
-Sir-- Five centers of excellence at universities around the country to help scientists coordinate their research.
Three special units for autism epidemiology at the CDC and a centralized facility for gene and brain banking.
-That's 43 million.
-Senator-- The other 4 million is for a federal program to educate doctors to reduce the staggeringly high percentage of cases in which autism is misdiagnosed.
-We can't do it.
-Of course you can.
-You simply call the conference chair-- -The bill started out at 2 billion.
-It's 6 billion now.
-That's right.
-So another 47 million hurts you how? -Sir-- It's 8/1 0 of one percent of a bill aimed at health issues affecting children which is the same as the percentage of children affected by autism.
I don't need to tell you, in these negotiations-- In these negotiations about a bill aimed at health issues affecting children we've allocated funds for AIzheimer's, glaucoma and erectile dysfunction.
You know a Iot of 2-year-olds afflicted with that horrific condition, do you? There's no doubt that that's a good point.
But in order to ensure that more important things were in the bill-- -So there was a determination made.
-I' m sorry? A determination was made, an order of priorities.
Senator, there's gonna be a vote.
The bill's closed.
Open it back up again.
That would mean to postpone the vote and everyone's breaking for the recess-- And you want the story before everyone goes home.
Y eah.
Okay.
Sir, the next time around, and there will be a next time around-- That's all.
I' m done with you now.
And that was that.
Also at this hour, parliamentary procedure in all of its glory as a Senate filibuster watches day turn into night and possibly back into day again.
Stackhouse stands alone tonight in the well of the Senate chamber as his colleagues, somewhat impatiently, wait for a vote that was scheduled to take place more than nine hours ago.
Stackhouse, who once ran for president.
-Hey, Zack? -Y eah.
You guys record the news feeds, right? Could I get the B-roll they' re showing on the Stackhouse story? It's 3 or 4 seconds.
It's a campaign stop and his grandchildren are with him.
The voiceover's talking about his seven grandchildren.
-Sure, what's the problem? -It's nothing.
-I'II have it sent up.
-Thanks.
Donna.
You' re booked tomorrow morning, 8:55, United, direct to West Palm Beach.
-Which gets in at? -1 2:58.
It's still a 70-mile drive to Port St.
Lucie.
I'II miss the game.
-I thought they weren't playing yet.
-It's an exhibition game.
You' re going to see the Mets play another team in a game that doesn't count? Actually, it's an intra-squad game.
So you' re going to see the Mets play each other in a game that doesn't count.
-Y eah.
-Okay.
There's a flight out of Dulles at 7 a.
m.
You change planes in Newark.
I've gotta fly to New Jersey to get to Palm Beach? -Look-- -Just make sure that tomorrow morning-- -Mike Piazza calls you "dude.
" -Y es.
What are you doing? -I' m writing an e-mail to my mother.
-Why? T o thank her for a pair of shoes she sent me.
-Your mother sent you shoes? -Donna, please try and keep it-- -That is the sweetest thing-- -Donna.
Okay.
Donna says hi, Mom.
Anyway, I didn 't think much about the meeting.
There are always people who don 't get what they want.
I was thinking about other things.
Like Toby, I was puzzled as to why the vice president who made his money from and champions the oil industry volunteered to admonish the oil industry.
Sir, I ' m sure you' re aware that Philip SIuman testified before the FT C that the administration's relentless pursuit of stricter emissions standards in the form of additives is why we' re seeing price spikes.
-Y eah.
-Would you comment on that? Y eah.
Our relentless pursuit of cleaner air standards has resulted in Iower asthma rates and the cleanest air in California in 50 years.
It costs marginally more to refine fuel with additives but the costs are being passed on to consumers at an outrageous price.
-Mr.
Vice President.
-Y eah, Chris.
Are you accusing members of the PPA of price gouging? Some of these CEOs are old friends of mine but they do know how to turn a profit.
They'II claim prices will go down after production increases.
Hoynes just kept hammering away.
And I was reminded how close he came to being elected president.
Toby said it was an impressive display but couldn 't get past the question of why he volunteered to do it.
If you wonder what the president does during a filibuster I don 't know.
This is our first.
A t the moment, he 's in his private dining room having dinner.
There 's a famous French chef visiting, and every time he comes he cooks for the president.
Leo.
-Good eveni ng, sir.
-You busy? -What do you need? -Come have dinner with me.
-Why? -Pierre Boileau is cooking tonight.
-You want to have dinner? -What's he serving? -That's your answer? -I' m just asking.
Well, I can tell you that the man specializes in a reinterpretation of classic Provencale cuisine.
-Cassoulet, duck with green olives -Y eah.
saffron chicken.
I haven't had a good saffron chicken in some time.
-Well, don't you think you deserve one? -Y es.
His specialty is his dessert, tomate du saltambique.
That's gonna be a big seedless beefsteak tomato stewed for three hours in crème de caramel - and stuffed with-- -Passion fruit, kiwi and hazelnuts.
And.
-Served on a pomegranate reduction.
-Let' s go.
-Leave the cell phone.
-I' m taking my phone.
We' re not Ieaving the building.
People can find you.
-Let's go.
-What's he on to now? -He's reading the rules of cards.
-Oh, brother.
Don't worry about it.
Could Howard Stackhouse possibly be a bigger horse's patoot? I don't know what part of a horse that is exactly but I've always thought he was a decent guy.
He's a curmudgeon, a grouchy old crank.
-So are we.
-You are.
I am full of mirth.
He was all over me the first year.
He called me " Bartlet the Inert.
" -It was funny.
-I' m a reformer.
I' m the most Iiberal president he's served under.
His hero, Hubert Humphrey-- -Shook your hand.
-That's right.
-I feel bad.
-Why? His wife died a few years ago.
I didn't go to the funeral.
Why? -I was busy running for president.
-That's right.
- Tomate du saltambique, my friend.
-Y es, indeed.
Good evening.
Hi.
Hang on.
They thought I was gonna be eating with Abbey so we'II just, you know, pretend there's no candlelight.
Or that we' re not paranoid homophobes in any way.
Y eah.
Leo, you have a deputy who's, frankly, a Iot smarter than you are.
-Let him handle it.
Who you talking to? -My deputy.
Y eah.
What does he say? -He says there's no end in sight.
-Okay, Iet's eat.
"To get cash for your chips, you have to go to the cashier's cage of the casino.
" -C.
J.
? -Y eah.
I was Iooking at the B-roll they' re showing on the Stackhouse story -and there's something odd.
-What? They show two different events during his Iast campaign and his grandchildren are next to him.
He's got seven.
-What's the problem? -There are only six in the shot.
I don't think this is what we think it is.
I don't think he's just being ornery.
I think he has a grandson who's autistic.
Oh, holy hell.
-T ell Josh.
Find out for sure.
-Yeah.
-More brandy, sir? -No, I' m fine.
I hope the first Iady's not feeling ill.
-No, she's up at the Manchester house.
-Very good, sir.
-No, it really sucks, but thanks.
-Y es, sir.
You hear that? He said, "Very good, sir.
" Where do they Iearn that? -Y eah.
I' m sorry? -Nothing.
I' m sure that was moved for a reason.
We' re prepping for a G-8 with Barney, and we' re going to T el Aviv.
-I just feel Iike we don't talk anymore.
-T el Aviv is the week after.
What? See, you' re not even Iistening.
Ben, Iet me call you back.
What's your problem? I' m just saying we work all day, then the day's over and we go out to dinner, and you' re still working.
And, you know, I' m sitting here.
No time to talk.
You know, conversations Iike this are the reason I got divorced.
No, it's not.
Sir.
What's wrong? -I made-- -I' m fine, Billy.
I made a deal with Abbey.
Because of my thing.
One term? My thing, by the way, is the reason that Hoynes stepped up on oil.
-Because he thinks maybe.
-Y eah.
It was three years ago, she can't expect-- Y eah.
Y eah.
It's C.
J.
Stackhouse has an autistic grandson.
-Let's go.
-C.
J.
, we' re coming up.
-Charlie.
-He's just coming over.
-Thanks.
Can we wait? -Yeah.
Look, one of us is going to have to tell the president that the statue's broken.
-It's not broken.
-It is broken.
-She Krazy GIued it back together.
-You Krazy GIued it? I didn't know what it was.
I needed a potpourri holder.
I have the ancient curse of Bast on me, so get off my back, Sparky.
Okay, but when you tell him, I'd Ieave out the Krazy GIue.
-And potpourri, right? -Y eah.
Here we go.
-How does he not just tell me? -Sir.
How does he not come to me and say, "Jed, this is my grandson.
There are Iots more Iike him and more to come.
Can you help us? " -Because he-- -Damn it, we would've gotten it done.
-Why doesn't he tell me? -He doesn't wanna make political hay out of his grandson, which is commendable.
He's a crank.
-Good evening, Mr.
President.
-Hey.
-Hey, Donna, you need something? -She's the one who started sniffing.
That phone message was for real, he's not gonna stop till he drops.
He might.
Let me tell you something, don't ever underestimate the will of a grandfather.
We' re mad.
We don't give a damn.
We got here before you, and they'II be here after.
We'II make enemies, we'II break Iaws, we'II break bones but you will not mess with the grandchildren.
There was quite a bit of sugar in the crème de caramel.
If I told you to screw the print deadline, what would you wanna do right now? I'd want to see if there was a way I could help him out.
Give him some dignity, right? And give him a rest, he's gonna collapse.
-Y es, sir.
-Screw the print deadline.
Leo, we will talk about the other thing Iater.
I' m just asking how we' re gonna do this.
-Excuse me.
-The chairman's gonna gavel him off.
Excuse me.
-What are you doing? -I didn't know if I' m supposed to.
-We usually don't raise our hands.
-Though it's not the worst idea.
The senator's allowed to yield for a question without yielding the floor.
-What do you mean? -He's allowed to yield for a question without yielding the floor.
I was in the House, I know nothing about Senate rules.
Y es, sir, but Josh does and he Iikes to explain things.
I' m pretty sure it's true.
What time is it? Let's wake up a parliamentarian.
Yeah, but the only people who ask questions are senators.
-We' re gonna get one.
Charlie! -The Senate wants to go home, to vote.
-Y es.
-I wanna call senators.
Start with friends.
And after those two, we'II go on to the other 98.
-Y es, sir.
-Charlie.
-Start with grandfathers.
-Y es, ma'am.
There's no damn holiday for us either.
-We'II be in the dining room.
-C.
J.
, no kidding.
-Make this happen.
-Yes, sir.
Oh, and I broke your statue.
-I don't think he heard you.
-No.
The water peaked at 3690 feet Iast month because of an uncontrolled release from Lake Powell.
-You mean the Ieak of Lake Powell.
-I suppose.
-I am going home.
-Good night, sir.
-Good night.
-Mr.
Vice President.
-Didn't I do it right? -No, you did it very well.
I appreciate it.
Yeah.
I' m sure you know I was curious about why you'd volunteer for that.
Yeah.
So I got ahold of some private polling you've had done.
Oh.
Y eah? A significant number of people are concerned over your close ties to big oil.
-Well, not anymore.
-Y eah.
But what I was wondering was, why did you put the poll in the field at all? Mr.
Vice President, what do you know that I don't? T oby, the total tonnage of what I know that you don't could stun a team of oxen in its tracks.
Good night.
And then came the big moment, Dad.
Everyone was enlisted.
You called whoever you knew and if that didn 't work, they got a call from the president.
Do I have your word on that? We 'd been at it 20 minutes, coming up with nothing until.
Got it! Senator Tom Grissom of Washington State was headed to the chamber and everybody started flooding into the communications bullpen to see.
The problem being Stackhouse would have to know about rules and procedures and not think we were trying to screw him.
We stared at 14 different television sets while calculating the time it would take Grissom to walk to the floor.
And we were in frozen silence while we listened to the rules of blackjack.
-- "unless you are counting cards.
" And then it happened.
Point of order, Mr.
Chairman! Mr.
Grissom? Will the senator yield for a question? Come on.
-Mr.
Stackhouse? -Come on.
T rust me just this once you grouchy, old son of a bitch.
Mr.
Chairman I yield to the senator from Washington for a question.
My question is in 22 parts and might take quite a while.
Perhaps you 'd like to sit and have some water while I ask it.
Y es! And that was it.
Grissom gave him a rest and an opportunity to answer some real questions about autism.
And when Grissom was done, McNamara took over.
And after McNamara came Gianelli.
Grandfathers, all.
I'll have to finish this now and go into the press room and explain what happened.
There will be no vote tonight, and the Senate will go home.
Stackhouse, with our help, blew the print deadline anyway there 's really no reason for Josh not to go back and reopen the bill.
There are so many days where you can 't imagine anything good will happen.
You 're buried under a fog of partisanship and self-promotion and stupidity and a brand of politics that 's just plain mean.
Yes, Hoynes had us nervous with his admonishment of big oil and the president was making us nervous too.
But that 's for tomorrow.
Tonight, I've seen a man with no legs stay standing, Dad and a guy with no voice keep shouting.
And if politics brings out the worst in people maybe people bring out the best.
Because I'm looking at the TV right now, and damn if 28 U.
S.
senators haven 't just walked onto the floor to help.
I'll catch a plane in the morning and if you wouldn 't mind not turning In the meantime, I love you so much.
Your daughter, Claudia.