Ally Mcbeal s02e18 Episode Script

What? Look at that.
- What? - Was that wrinkle there? - Here we go again.
- It's happening.
I'm getting old.
- Every birthday- - Look at that! If you got a new wrinkle I'm sure we would've seen something on the news.
Just because you have perfect, perfect skin.
- Why aren't you preparing? - Why are you over-preparing? I won't lose a murder trial to you again.
You can tell The Biscuit that if he starts his nonsense I'm serious.
If he pulls those stunts, I'll go for contempt.
You're trying to distract me now with this "wrinkle.
" The wrinkle is there.
A year away from better odds of being hit by lightning.
Will you stop? Women reach their prime in their 30s.
- Says who? - Women in their 40s? You realize all I got out of my last relationship was a tetanus shot? My life is passing me by.
Ally you're in a first degree murder trial tomorrow.
I'm a year from 30.
Well, look at it this way.
Your 20s have been a big disaster.
It's almost over.
Those Lips, That Hand - First: Shepley trial.
John? Ally? - All set.
Any chance? - Renee's gunning for us.
- How could she not win? He's innocent, Nelle.
- He chopped off her arm.
- She was dead! An act of love.
He wanted a piece of her.
Why is that so hard for everybody to understand? I understand.
Murder.
Fineman vs.
Lombard Insurance.
Billy? Wrongful termination.
Our client is claiming ageism.
Depos start today.
Georgia and I will handle it.
Excellent.
And you two? Chemistry okay? Fine, Richard, and thank you for caring.
I thought I'd make birthday plans at the bar.
- I suppose you have a musical number? - Is this the big 3-5? No, it would be 29, Ling.
John's birthday's this week too.
Maybe we could- - We can do a double celebration.
- No.
Come on, we're late for trial.
Okay, off we go.
Ling.
Buttercup.
Can we meet a second? Important.
It involves me.
Did I give something away? No.
Trials just make me nervous.
No, they don't.
Trials relax you.
Birthdays make me uncomfortable.
Unlike Ally, I am about to be 3-5 - and I should be further along.
- John, to get further along sometimes you have to go down that road not taken.
I'm not talking about me.
I'm due in court.
What? Look I hate to keep putting pressure, but well I- We I think it's best if we sort of break up.
I adore you.
But for me, a relationship has to include- How do I put it? Sex.
We have sex.
Yes.
You give unbelievable hair, and nobody licks a finger like- But I'm old-fashioned, Ling.
What happened to premarital intercourse? How many times do we have to have this discussion? Physically I can't take it.
I feel I might explode.
I'd like you involved.
Don't men just: - It's not the same.
- You'd leave me over sex? - Yes.
- Just like that? I'm human.
And if we weren't a couple, and I wanted to lick your finger? - You'd say no? - I'd have to.
No, Ling.
See? This is just a test.
Relax.
Not gonna work.
I guess it's goodbye, then.
It's best.
It must be hard being human.
I wouldn't know, because I've never tried it.
- Why am I on this case? - I could use the backup.
It's new business.
We'd get credit for If we ever go up for partner I'm looking to reconnect with you any way I can.
Okay? I admit it.
Excuse me.
Mr.
Thomas, I'm Ross Fineman.
Oh.
Hello.
This is Georgia Thomas.
She'll also be handling the deposition.
- How do you do? - Fine.
I'm fine.
Let's step into the conference room.
The steno's set up.
- Great.
- Right over hair.
Here.
I'm very nervous.
It's common.
Homicide defendants get anxious on trial day.
How could they think I killed the love of my life? - You took a power saw to her.
- After she died.
- The coroner can't prove that.
- Keep your composure here.
We've got a good defense, Albert.
Just stay calm.
Black and Decker.
We pulled him over for passing a stop sign and speeding.
- Then what? - He was acting suspiciously.
Objection.
He can't give psychological opinions.
It's a lay opinion.
Objection overruled.
I'm disappointed.
I thought you were special.
Thank you.
Let's move on now, can we? Certainly.
What else did you see? In the back of the car I saw blood and a blanket.
- Then what? - I lifted the blanket and there it was.
- What? - A hand.
- A hand? - A human hand.
Apparently female.
- Recently severed.
- What did you do next? - We got a warrant to search his house.
- Did you? Yes.
We found a woman's body, later identified as his wife.
- We arrested him for murder.
- That was silly.
Say it with me.
- Objection! - Mr.
Cage! I have nothing further.
Objection! Your Honor, he does this! He's got squeaky shoes so we don't take it seriously.
He does this! Move to strike that.
My shoes aren't squeaking.
See? It's some trick.
Can we get on with this? Now.
Did my client tell you where he was going? - T o his brother's house.
- Did he say why? His wife died, and he cut off her hand for safekeeping.
- Did he say where the body was? - His house.
- Where it was, as you testified.
- Yes.
My problem is that you' re a chief prosecutorial witness.
You shaped the facts to make them more damaging.
I told the truth.
You saw a hand, got a warrant, searched the house, found a body which may all be true but he volunteered that there was a death and a body - and told you where it was.
Right? - Yes.
Why give the impression that you've uncovered something when he gave it to you? When a chief witness bends facts to paint an incriminating distortion of the truth - Objection! - while the D.
A.
objects - to the truth, we wonder - Objection.
- about the messenger.
- Your Honor? - Counsel.
- I apologize, but we're puzzled as to why they'd try an innocent- - Objection! - Protesting truth.
- Move to strike.
- Mr.
Cage.
Officer Kent, could he have been disoriented, flustered or discombobulated when you stopped him? Perhaps.
- Erratic, upset, grief-stricken? - Yes.
So many adjectives, yet you throw out "suspicious.
" - Anybody tell you to use that word? - Objection! - My shoes again? - Hey! That's all I have.
Dr.
Moreno, could you tell us how the victim died? Cardiac arrest.
Possibly triggered by her arm being cut off? The victim was vegetative.
We concluded that trauma had to be the cause of the coronary.
The bleeding indicated the arm was severed while still alive.
You can't positively conclude that, can you? - No, we can't.
- Or that cardiac arrest was first.
- Trauma likely induced it.
- Can you rule out the death proceeding the arm being cut off? No.
- You found him gentle? - The loss of a loved one can trigger psychotic behavior in gentle people.
- But to cut off her hand? - It was the shock of his life.
It was as if a part of him had died.
Are you saying what he did was normal? No.
I'm giving you an explanation of how it can happen.
- And if he did it before she died? - That would be different.
- Would you date this man? - Objection! - Sustained.
- That's all I have.
- I cannot do it! I can't! - You have to.
- I have a thing about comb-overs.
- Don't look.
- How can I not look at him? - Sit next to him, just- - Mr.
Thomas.
- We're set.
- Go right in the conference room.
- Good.
Joseph? Richard's right.
Keep your eyes across the table.
Sex.
Sex.
Wow.
My sales were up in '98.
Is it your testimony that you met company projections? They're set high for incentives.
Whole life insurance packages are tougher to sell.
The consumer's more money savvy.
You know that.
- I don't know it- - It's unfair.
You should be ashamed.
- He knows it's ageism.
- Don't tell me what I know.
Did my client ever mention his concerns for your credibility? - They're unfounded.
- But did he ever raise these concerns? - Yes.
- Specifically, what was his concern? My hair.
- And what about your hair? - I don't remember.
He doesn't like it.
It's no reason to fire somebody.
Did he ever tell you that what is on top of your head is a lie? And when people look at you, they see an intent to conceal? This is my own hair.
Would you - Would you mind? - What are you doing? I know this is sensitive.
But I would like a viewing.
- That won't happen.
- I need to see.
This is a deposition, not a chance to ridicule.
Listen, we don't mean to be insensitive.
You can stop.
But a comb-over, by its very nature, is a fraud.
This is my real hair.
- We're stopping this.
- We'll get an order.
We are not turning this proceeding into show and tell.
It's my hair.
Completely natural.
- I want that on the record.
- Would you excuse me? She's offering manslaughter.
- Something to think about.
- I didn't kill her.
- Well, Mr.
Shepley- - I didn't! Consider, even if you didn't cause her death for you to sever her limb, the jury will consider you to be, well - I'm searching for the word.
- Nuts.
There's likely a few jurors who think you need to be locked up.
If I accept manslaughter, my wife becomes a woman killed by her husband.
I won't do that to her memory.
If you're concerned about public opinion you shouldn't have taken that memento.
Have you ever been in love? Deeply in love? I'm not sure that explains chopping off body parts.
Look, I don't expect people to understand but I did not kill Julia.
- Anybody who knows me knows this.
- Mr.
Shepley- I wish there was something I could say.
I tell you, the truth is in my whole life this is the first thing I've ever done that people even asked me about.
I'm not interesting.
We will be asking when you testify.
And if you don't explain why you did what you did, your love life could improve but it won't be what you had in mind.
John.
We're in trouble.
It'll be up to you to persuade the jury.
I assure you, I can't.
Okay, now me.
Only me, girls.
This is my part.
You guys need to work on your part.
Richard.
- What are you doing? - Practicing for Ally's birthday.
She hates attention, so I'm gonna make it all about me.
- You' re a friend.
- Do you have a song? No.
I just came down to take a break.
What's wrong? Nothing.
- Richard? - Think I'm being used by Ling? - Still haven't had sex? - It seems unnatural.
- Not every girl just climbs into bed.
- You do.
It's me.
It's who I am.
1-800-ELAINE.
I'd sleep with you.
- I appreciate that, but I- - Do you define a relationship by sex? - Well, not complete- Yes.
- Have you talked to her? I dumped her, and nothing's changed.
Would you like me to talk to her? For the last few years of her life, I sat beside her holding her hand, like always.
Whether on a walk, watching a movie Iying in bed, watching TV, I'd always hold her hand.
At the time, she was attached to it.
When she died, I don't know what came over me.
I didn't want to let go.
I couldn't.
The idea of not holding her hand anymore I want to be reminded of her.
To continue loving her every day.
Couldn't you have taken one of her sweaters? I know how morbid it sounds.
- Where were you driving? - My brother's a mortician.
I was driving the hand to his house, when- Mr.
Shepley you cut off your wife's hand.
I know.
But she was already dead and I couldn't let go.
What do you think? I don't know.
Renee's cross will be vigorous.
If he holds up, who knows? - Do you believe he's innocent? - I do.
You seem sad about it.
I was thinking about when he asked if we've ever been in love.
- I haven't.
- Of course you have.
College, law school, if that counts.
My adult life? I've never been in love.
- Not with anybody who knew about it.
- I have, and look where it got me.
Nelle thinks I'm in love with you.
Me? She threw it out.
It was- It was ridiculous.
I'm going to be 35.
God.
That's young.
For a man.
I apologize.
No, I don't, actually.
- You're kidding.
- Exactly.
An order to reveal his bald head? They have brought a lawsuit alleging ageism.
That's a serious charge.
- What's it got to do with a comb-over? - He was fired- Selling insurance involves people trusting him.
When perceived as a pretender, establishing trust- This is my real hair.
Nobody is disputing that.
- You' re firing him for appearance? - It undermines credibility.
You can't fire somebody for bad hair.
That is a jury question.
This is discovery.
We need to- Your Honor, this may seem silly but that is not simply a comb-over.
It's that swirly kind.
He's got hair circling around.
- Would you buy insurance from him? - What if he gets a haircut? - He won't.
- Why? I keep it neat.
Why see what's under it? Because he might change his style before trial.
We need a picture to preserve it for the record.
- I don't see good in it.
Hurry.
- Your Honor? - Oh, come on.
- He needs to preserve a record.
- Let's go.
- I'm dropping the lawsuit.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
- Can you look away? - Oh, sure.
Okay, counsel.
Your Honor, he's doing that! Let's just carry on.
She has a heart attack, and you don't call anybody? It happened quickly.
You love her, but you don't call somebody to save her? I don't deny wishing that she would pass.
I didn't want her to suffer.
Did you tell friends you wished she'd die? I said I didn't want her to start suffering.
But she wasn't at that point yet.
For somebody who sits, holding her hand it doesn't make sense that you wouldn't try to save her.
- I didn't kill her.
- Maybe you did.
Home care is expensive, isn't it? - I take offense.
- Think the saw hurt? - I did it after! - Objection! - Is this what you took to her arm? - Objection! Sustained.
T urn that thing off.
You wanted her dead, but if she died by suffocation you'd be arrested.
But to induce a cardiac arrest, then saw off- - Objection! - Argumentative.
Sustained.
This isn't what loved ones do to each other.
The thing is the center of a man is his ego.
Its center is his id.
If you don't make it feel good, he will condition it not to want you.
Once that happens, the id will go elsewhere.
Men want what they can't have.
Don't you know? Maybe initially.
Eventually the divining rod points to what they can have.
I can support that anecdotally.
That finger thing and the hair may work for a while but eventually, in the end, id will rule.
I'm easy.
I know.
Mr.
Corte says he'll rehire you if you drop the suit and get a haircut.
I won't just because he has a thing about comb-overs.
If he didn't know- Look, when we first met, did you know it was a comb-over? Well Georgia knew, and she told me.
You could tell? Well, I couldn't tell for sure, but- Everybody can tell.
It looks really terrible.
But you? You are a good-looking man.
We have a lawyer at our firm.
She cuts and styles hair.
- Who? - Ling, believe it or not.
Really? How about you let her give you a haircut? You mean, I'd be bald? Ross, you are bald.
- You'll look great.
- And you'll get your job.
I just can't believe it's really that noticeable.
- You didn't have to attack the guy.
- Attack the guy? He's a murderer.
You're blinded by a political need for a conviction.
- My what? - You need a conviction.
The press- You just want to beat our firm.
It doesn't justify going after - an innocent, brokenhearted- - You nuts? What murder plan is that? Chop off a limb to induce a heart attack? You're using reason now.
Reason explains why he hacked off her hand after? - Love explains it.
- You' re kidding.
Renee, you are so jaded you can't believe somebody could be that in love.
I really feel sorry for you.
Only you can interpret mutilation as love.
He cut off a limb.
How romantic.
- Van Gogh cut off his ear! - He was crazy.
So are you.
Fine.
Attack me now.
He is your client, you have to take his side but for you to believe it? That just makes you hopeless.
You' re hopeless, Ally.
Maybe she's right.
We both want to believe he's innocent.
And I always think people can be so irreparably in love.
You'd like somebody to saw off your hand? That's not gonna happen.
We both know that.
I'm back to being sorry I kissed you.
- It's okay.
- But don't do it again.
We look at our client, and Billy and Georgia's, with the comb-over and we think, "How pathetic.
" Maybe we're pathetic.
At least they're walking planks.
We represent them when they fall.
- This is the birthday blues talking.
- Maybe.
John we are not pathetic.
Come on.
I mean, look.
Look at my outfits.
And you, you're such a great lawyer.
I don't want on my tombstone, "He wins cases.
" Want on yours, "Smart dresser"? I'm 35 years old, still alone - maybe I need an omen.
- John, you- I've never met anybody I felt like chopping up! And nobody's ever wanted to chop up me! I haven't lived! I think I should do the closing.
Yeah.
The facts are clear.
Bloody limb found in his car body in his house, he said he wanted her to die.
The cost of her living was a huge burden.
The only thing he says is: "I sawed it off because I didn't want to lose the connection.
" Sometimes how it looks is exactly how it is.
The pathologist told you he cut the hand off first.
Now, let's go back to that room and use a little common sense.
The pathologist said "likely.
" He couldn't establish anything conclusively.
No testimony to contradict what my client said.
I could sit down right now and rest on reasonable doubt.
But, before I do I'd like to tell you that today's my birthday.
And every time I have a birthday, I get these panic attacks of I don't know underachievement.
Like my life is a big empty sack.
The district attorney who knows me best, by the way last night she called me hopeless.
Twice.
That, I have to take issue with.
I am not a person without hope.
I wonder if hope is the only thing I've got going.
The thing that I hope for most I'm embarrassed to admit, is emotional dependence.
It's probably why my friends think I'm crazy.
Who would actually wish for that kind of weakness? But I do.
I wanna meet fall in love with and be with somebody I can't bear to live without.
That's why, as glad as I am not to be in Mr.
Shepley's shoes today I envy a little what he had.
Of course, it isn't normal, what he did.
He has to be at least a little crazy to chop the hand off after she died.
I could never see myself doing something like that as I'm sure nor could you.
But as for the love that made him do it I pray that one day I'll know some of that madness.
He loved her more than life.
And when she died he couldn't bring himself to let go.
And he did something crazy.
The district attorney can't make room for the possibility that love can be this powerful.
That, to me, makes her a little hopeless.
We all want to be madly in love, don't we? He was.
And I suspect, still is.
Did you forget? The haircut.
We've been waiting in Billy's office.
I'll be there in a minute.
Why talk to Elaine about our sex life? We don't have one.
That's what I talk about.
- I'm getting angry.
- There goes the congeniality award! - I've had enough! - So have I! That was a hard, whole sentence.
I feel like a yo-yo you get to play with.
- Because we haven't made love? - Because of my confusion.
- If we made love, you'd go blind.
- I'd go-? Excuse me? Yes.
Okay? I'm amazing in bed! I'm not proud, but I've ruined lives.
I can't take men saying there's nobody after me.
I've tried everything.
Half-speed, slow.
It's always the best sex he's ever had.
Suddenly, no talking, movies, dinner.
It's sex, sex, sex! And I'd like to get to know you, okay? I like you.
If we go to bed, you'll change.
Things will be different! I need to cut hair! - Ling, this is Ross Fineman.
- Hi.
You look good.
- I do? - Yes.
It's a good haircut.
She gave you a good haircut.
- So I go through life as a bald man? - As you.
- Bald! - And handsome.
I'll go look in the bathroom mirror.
You're a good person, Georgia.
Nice to see you smile again.
Even if it involved a comb-over.
Well, some things can't just be combed over.
I know.
I would like to work on that.
It was so fast.
Well, this is good.
Maybe.
Thank you.
Have you reached your verdict? - We have, Your Honor.
- What say you? In the Commonwealth versus Albert Shepley we found the defendant not guilty.
Thank you.
Members of the jury, thank you.
- Congratulations.
- You are dismissed.
Would it be pushing things to try to get her hand back? Yeah, it would.
- Congratulations, Mr.
Shepley.
- Thank you.
I believe he is innocent, if it's any consolation.
Life is for the living.
I like it.
I get so moved when she does this for me.
- How come she doesn't for my birthday? - You kept yours a secret.
- Oh, right.
- But I did order up something for you.
- What? - It's coming.
You'll know.
I won't stand to be embarrassed.
- Hey, hopeless! - Funny.
I'm only here because it's your birthday, and I don't want you to be alone.
And I appreciate that, Renee.
- I love you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Since you told me you're amazing in bed, I've lost all interest.
Not intimidated? What if you don't please me? The idea is making me happy.
But you're not the only one with tricks.
- I know some ways to drive you crazy.
- Such as? There's a little spot in your knee pit.
T ough to find, but I can.
My knee pit? Yeah, it works like reflexology, connected to Skip it.
My knee pit.
Stick out your leg.
Go on.
Stick it out.
It takes a little bit.
It's under the subcutaneous, but- There we go.
You like that, Ling? I guess you do.
Who taught you that? I'm the teacher on this one.
You might even say master.
Right? God.
Bygones.
- Don't stop! - Well, maybe another time.
No, I like dinner, movies.
I don't want you, "Knee pit, knee pit.
" - My present.
- It is.
- I suppose we should dance.
- It gets better.
- It does? - You only turn 35 once.
Happy birthday.
We got it together, didn't we? We really got it together, baby.
What's happening? We definitely got our thing together, didn't we? Isn't that nice? Isn't that really, really nice? We got it together, didn't we, baby? Yes, you.
What's happening? And me.
Yeah, we really got it together.
What do you think? I think he likes his present.
It's my birthday too.
Let's go.
For John.
It's the least we can do.
- It would be rude for us not to go up.
- I get stage fright.
I'll give you a little knee pit later.
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