Charmed s02e18 Episode Script

So I think I'll call this Woman Pretending Not to Look Out the Window.
How about Girl About to Pour Hot Tea On Sister's Head? Let me see.
Either I'm that transparent, or you're that good.
Well, I don't think I'll comment, since you do have hot liquid over my head.
I'm sorry, I just I was watching Dan come home alone, and I think a more appropriate title for that photo would be Witch With a Severe Case of the Guilts.
I mean, he was a nice guy who did nothing wrong and Piper, you had to end the relationship, all right? Your heart wasn't in it.
And it was the only way not to break his.
I know, I just feel like Dan got the short end of the stick.
There are so many ways that I can go with that, but I think I'll just Thank you.
Besides, you shouldn't be worried about your past when your future is in town tonight for dinner and a movie.
I know, I know, I know.
My first real date with Leo as a normal couple.
And normal couples usually shower before their dates, so I'll see you later.
Okay.
- Hi, doody.
- Hi, doody.
Hey.
Someone's in a good mood.
- What's his name? - Billy.
- Phoebe, you didn't.
- What? You went to go see Kill It Before It Dies at the revival house, didn't you? No.
Why would you think that l? Okay, I did.
But you know what? It was research.
What kind of class sends you to movies? No, not for school, for me.
If I'm supposed to figure out what I want from a guy, I might as well start with the first guy I fell for, don't you think? Billy is the ideal man.
He's a character in a movie.
One that, I might add, you weren't even supposed to watch.
When I was 12.
I think after a year and a half of battling monsters, I can handle a scary movie.
Did I mention Billy is the perfect man? Once or twice.
I will get that.
- Can I help you? - Pheebs, who is it? - Get up, you miserable witch.
- Hey.
If you don't have anything nice to say And then there were two.
- You okay? - Oh, sure.
Come on, come on, come on.
All right, who took my loofa? Billy? Billy? I cannot believe that they made us pay.
Sorry.
He's gotta be hiding in here somewhere.
Do you think you might keep it down? This is my favourite part.
Oh, mine too.
This is when Billy comes on, and then they're Pheebs, we need a spell.
But we know nothing about this guy.
I can't just whip one up Oh, he's making a break for it.
Evil that has travelled near I call on you to disappear Elementals hear my call Remove this creature From these walls That was the coolest thing I've ever seen.
It's all part of the show, sir.
I cannot believe that that just worked.
It seemed too easy.
Wow, we are getting way too tough for these guys.
No, no.
No.
How am I supposed to know what his deal is? He likes moonlit walks, thinks holding hands is underrated and enjoys, in his spare time, killing witches.
It was a question for the room, Pheebs.
When a demon makes a house call, my curiosity gets piqued.
Yeah, well, the house is a mess again.
I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness or the demon of housekeeping or even that really big bald guy, Mr Clean? I would so totally take him on.
What I don't get is the order of things.
I mean, don't we usually start someplace dark and dreary and then end up at the manor for the big old vanquish? Wait a minute.
He followed me home.
I knew I recognized him from somewhere.
He was at the movies, and then he followed me home.
Yeah, well, he had a reason to attack us, so he would have found us sooner or later.
But the question is, why? I mean, we usually don't vanquish someone without knowing who, what, where, when Well, what about the how? How did you know how to vanquish him? Well, remember the spell that we used for the bunyip? Well, I just combined that with the one for the demon with the horn - coming out of his - Forehead? Nice work.
I wish they all went this smoothly.
- You have one message, 8:23 p.
m.
- Oh, my God, I'm late.
I'm so late.
I have to get ready.
Here, take this.
- I'll help when I come back, but Leo - Go.
- How's the date so far? - Oh, it just got better.
You can do your homework, pick the right restaurant, the perfect wine, waiting and chilled, but it helps if you show up.
I'm sorry.
It's all right, you're here now.
- What? - Nothing.
It's just this guy, a warlock or demon or something, burst into the house, and somehow Phoebe managed to vanquish him, but we still don't know who he was.
Something just feels off.
I'm sorry.
No work talk, we promised.
It's all right.
You're the one who wanted to keep tonight magic-free.
- I'm okay with it.
- Wanna start over? Okay.
Pardon me? Oh, I hope you don't mind.
I got the munchies.
- No, not at all.
- And for you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
There's no salt.
Could you ask that table for theirs? Sure.
Excuse me, may we borrow your salt? Leo.
Piper.
Hi, Dan and Dan's date.
Amelia, this is Leo and And Piper.
Amelia, as in someone-l-just-work-with Amelia? Here's your salt.
Thanks.
Well, at least he's not pining away.
No.
Is this some kind of a test? Okay, so I'd like everything to be normal, but there's only so much a girl can take.
Here's to our first real date.
What are you doing? They need you? Okay.
Well, I guess it would be the same thing if I was dating a doctor, right? I just wanted tonight to be perfect.
Well, it was.
I was with you.
- Wait a minute.
- What's wrong? If we can't have a normal date, can we at least have a normal exit? Enough with the disappearing guy stuff.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Check! Talk to anyone who was in the movie theatre at the time.
Well, find out what happened before the fight broke out.
No, but I got a location, which is where you should've been 15 minutes ago.
Are you talking about the revival house on Larkin? Not unless you know something I don't.
Do you? Well, maybe not about this.
Okay, you're gonna be working with one of our staff writers.
Finley's running late to the interview, so you have to shoot him before.
Finley? Finley? As in Finley Beck? Finley Beck? You know him.
And here I thought you were just a beginner.
Okay, he is the whole reason why this beginner got started.
He is amazing.
Have you met him? Not in person.
I just know him through his press.
Okay, well, I mean, the prose in this is mediocre at best.
They didn't even cover his period in Germany.
Not only is he a gifted photographer, but he just seems - so giving and warm.
- A fan? - Lazy excuses, and you can tell him I said so.
Yes, Mr Beck.
Can we get started? I'm on a schedule.
Hi.
Mr Beck, I'm Prue Halliwell.
So when is this photographer blessing us with his presence? That would be me.
- You're 12.
- Oh, I'm good.
I'll decide that.
Tell me you're not planning on shooting me in digital.
Oh, no, no, no.
Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.
Digital is for amateurs.
Careful, dear, your true colours are showing.
Why don't you do something useful and get me some tea.
Hi, honey, how was school? Will someone please tell me what is up with guys? You don't really expect me to have an answer for that, do you? Okay, so I have lunch with this guy from lab, right? - He is totally melatonin boy.
- That bad? I'm keeping his number in case I have trouble sleeping.
That bad.
So I'm sitting there trying desperately not to fall asleep, and all I keep thinking about was yesterday.
I know, we still have no idea who he was or how you vanquished him.
No, not that.
Billy.
The guy from the movie.
And I know that this is reality, but why can't a guy like that exist in my reality? Here I am talking about the shortage of perfect men, and in orbs yours.
I found one of the good guys.
Unfortunately, I'm here to talk about the bad guys.
- No shortage of those.
- Yeah.
They sent for me last night so I could warn you.
Okay, fill in a blank.
It's the demon of Illusion.
Apparently he uses magic somehow to create violence in society.
They told me that he's here to make San Francisco his treat.
- He's got a scar below his eye.
- And a goatee? Not a problem, we vanquished him last night.
Are you sure? - Because they wouldn't send me - Unless the demon isn't gone.
Okay, you call Prue, I'll go to the Book of Shadows.
We gotta get back to that revival house.
- Billy? Billy? - Pardon me.
- Oh, Billy.
Billy? - All right, now what? Well, when we last saw the demon, we vanquished him in aisle six.
And now he's in act three, up on the screen.
Actually, I was just leaving.
I should have known the disappearing-demon routine wouldn't fool you for long.
Yeah, all you really did was piss us off.
- Silly Wiccan, tricks are for kids.
- Piper.
This is the world of illusion, and you girls are reality.
Your powers, unlike mine, cannot cross between the two.
Sally Mae? Sally Mae, where are you? It's getting dark and - You said you weren't gonna cause - Shut up.
Hey! Oh, my God.
I think he's looking at me.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Okay, I hate to put a damper on your little love connection here, sis, - but we need to kick some ass.
- Oh, is that what you're gonna do? How cute.
How clever of you.
Any idea on how you intend to do that? Or are you just gonna flirt me to death like your little tarty sister? Watch your language in front of the ladies.
Consider that a warning.
I'm sorry, was it the word "sister" that bothered you? How about "bitch"? Does that go down easier? Prue, stop him! You're off the screen.
How did you? Thanks for the inspiration, sport.
So what does he want? Well, it doesn't matter, right? Let's just get rid of him.
I don't mean to interrupt, but is there a point in this scene where someone explains my part to me? Phoebe, you brought the character back for a play date, you tell him.
You're right, we should've left him at the theatre.
He would have really blended in there.
Billy, this isn't a movie.
This is reality, as in we're all real and you I haven't quite figured that part out yet.
- But you - They're the good guys.
Right.
Okay, we know that the demon can go from the real world to the world of illusion, and now he can bring a buddy along for the ride.
The question is, what does he want? Leo, they told you that his goal was to create violence in society? Yeah, but they left out the how part.
He goes into movies.
That's where he does it.
- Does what? - Well, first he - Where's the music? - Music? What music? This is around the second act, right, when everything's explained? Where's the music we're supposed to talk over to build suspense and hide the exposition? - Don't you just hate exposition? - Don't even get me started.
All right, you said that he does something in the movie.
- Like what, to the story? - No, to the audience.
When they leave, they're different, angry.
So that's his shtick? He casts a spell in movies? Must be how this demon spreads his particular brand of violence.
That's why he looked so familiar.
He wasn't at the movie, he was in the movie.
So if he can use Billy's movie, then he can use other movies.
If he's gonna spread violence, he'll prey on people who are open to it.
All right, so he'll be in horror movies.
I'll grab a paper, head out to the theatres that are playing those.
- Okay, Leo and I will go with you.
- I'll call Morris, give him a heads-up.
Phoebe, maybe you should do something with Billy.
You know, add a little Technicolor to him.
- Hello? - Miss Halliwell.
- Mr Beck.
How did you get? - You realize I have photo approval? Yes, I'm totally aware that you have photo approval - I want to see them.
- Now? - Yes.
- Well, no.
See, actually, I'm not at home right now, so maybe we can meet - at the magazine later - That won't work for me.
- Later's not good for you? - No.
Well, when would be good for you, exactly? Now.
What do we do? Little late, don't you think? I can see you moving.
Oh, I just Darkroom would be where? - So that's Finley.
- My hero.
Yeah, well, I guess the plans have sort of changed.
All right, we'll call you later.
Don't mind me, I'm just wandering through your house.
How'd you like to do that for real? - Who is this guy? - I can get you out of here, take you to a place where the movie never ends.
Simmer down.
I'll be back to you in a moment.
So.
Interested? As with most things, there is one catch.
I get to pick three victims.
They're choice little morsels, and I think you'll find them quite powerless against your charms.
Feel free to kill anyone you like along the way.
Just get me those girls.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's make your PG lives rated R.
Who needs violence when you can make it yourself? Don't say that to me.
- Hello? - Hey, this isn't your living room.
You want a piece of me? And then that part when Sally Mae gets her hair caught in the car door right when the monster's about to get her? I love that part.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I mean, not only have you seen it, you've lived it.
It's all right.
I like to hear what you think.
Okay, now, you have to be careful not to say that, because every girl will know that you're not for real.
You make me feel like a kid again.
I mean, I must've seen you Well, the movie a thousand times.
I'm glad you liked it.
Yeah, and even with that ridiculous dialogue and that predictable story, you just You made your character seem really real, you know? Phoebe, I am those lines.
That's how I was written.
I don't exist outside that movie.
Until now.
You know, I never minded.
I always knew what scenes to show up for and what to say.
But then he comes into the movie, and I'm getting to write my own lines, be more like you.
I think you're swell, Phoebe.
Thank you, Billy.
But I don't know how this happened.
Or how I'm supposed to be.
Everything I've ever known understood touched it's all been scripted.
I had no choice, but here you have options.
Where to go, what to say.
What to do.
Well, you're in my world now.
What do you wanna do? I almost forgot.
- Hello.
- Hi, Phoebe.
Thanks for the heads-up on the movie theatre thing.
- What happened? - Mission multiplex.
One dead, four injured, six in custody.
You believe that? You know what? At this point, I think I would believe anything.
Okay, thank you for calling, but keep your eyes open.
I think this day's gonna get worse before it gets better, okay? - Okay, bye.
- All right, bye.
Piper, we found our demon.
You know, maybe you'd like to take those home.
Relax, ponder, choose which one you'd like.
Maybe you'd like to be quiet while I see if I can save these things.
- Prue, is it okay to come down? - Not really a good time.
Okay, well, I really need to demon-strate something for you.
Okay, what is it? Once you finish your thing and I finish my thing, then we really need to go meet Piper and Leo - to fix the thing that we saw at the - Thing.
- Exac I love you.
I'll be back upstairs.
- Okay.
Sisters.
Here, print this one again.
But you need to flag a gradual fade on the wall behind me and burn in the key under my chin.
Would you like me to hold your hand this time? I figured out what's wrong with your photos, Miss Halliwell.
Absolutely no depth.
Really? Now, would that be the technique or the subject? - Excuse me? - I wish I could.
Your work meant more to me than you will ever know.
And because of that, I have carried around this illusion of what it would mean to me to meet you and to learn from you, and how that would make me appreciate your work even more.
But now it is so hard for me to even look at your pictures, because I think of the man who took them.
And it is devastating to me to realize that the brilliance of your eye is completely destroyed by the ignorance of your mouth.
See, that's the thing about art, Miss Halliwell.
If you leave your subject under the light too long, they burn.
Mr Beck.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Wasn't much of a date last night.
You wanna find seats in the back and make out before demon hunting? Okay, well, I'm okay, you're okay.
Magic perk.
Didn't you hear the management? Please refrain from talking.
Oh, well, I guess I'll have to kill you.
Better yet Mary? Oh, Bloody Mary? There's one of the girls who's been getting in my way.
Don't stab her all in one place.
Okay, that didn't work, but my legs still do.
Okay, let's go.
I'll be right there, Pheebs.
Phoebe! - Hello? Privacy.
- Hello? Axe murderer.
Let's go this way.
Oh, that was an antique, you assho He's very, very sensitive about the language.
Okay, dead woman with a knife on her way.
Leo stayed behind to calm down the Where is everybody? Pretty sneaky, sis.
Phoebe, does this guy look familiar to you? Yeah, kind of.
When Leo and I tracked down the demon, he sent some white, pasty hag literally off of the screen to kill us.
I think he called her Bloody Mary.
Wait a minute, this Paul Bunyan with a lobotomy, he's from Axe Husband.
I saw that last week.
We so have to monitor your viewing habits.
We can't kill them.
They're not real, they're fiction.
We can't kill something that doesn't exist.
- Billy! - I have something in common with the bad guys.
Run! I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower? Okay, okay.
At least they're not in the bathroom with us.
That's kind of good.
Pretty little girls.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I think I figured out how to kill these guys.
Phoebe.
- Billy! - He can't hurt me.
You run! I'll see if I can hold this one off! Okay, okay.
Billy said the only thing he knows is what's written for him in those movies.
Maybe the only way the psychos know to die - is how they were killed on-screen.
- How am I supposed to know? I'm a romantic-comedy girl.
Why go to horror movies when they come to us? All right, that leaves you, Pheebs.
- Miss me? - Okay, that's Bloody Mary, and she was thrown out of a window.
And that axe guy, he was electrocuted.
So go tell Billy and And see if the slasher will stick his finger in a socket, sure.
- Hi, hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Okay, get her.
Get her.
We have got to do something about that complexion.
- One down - And one to go.
- Prue.
- Hi.
He wasn't real receptive to the plan.
Does anybody else get tired of cleaning up after these guys? Okay.
Hi.
Hi.
Take it.
It's okay, the man is here to save the day.
Billy, it's the 21 st century.
It's the woman's job to save the day.
- It's over.
- Don't ever say that.
Every time someone says that in the movie, something always It's Darryl.
Hi.
Serious face.
It's okay, we're too tired for pleasantries.
Just tell us.
He's okay.
It wasn't just an outbreak at one theatre.
I got stuff going down at multiple locations.
And on top of that, I got a series of murders straight out of the movies.
- I think we're looking at a copycat.
- Only there's more than one cat.
- How much do you want? - Only what I need.
It's not someone imitating what happens on the screen, it's someone from the screen doing what comes naturally.
Killing without scripts.
So we Well, let's just say we rewrote them.
- So is it over? - Not even close.
We don't know how many are out there, and we have no way of stopping the demon from tampering with the audiences, so - You used the D word again.
- Sorry.
Damn.
Look, I gotta get back to the station.
Call me.
Thanks, Darryl.
We have to find this guy before it gets any worse.
Yeah, only we don't know where he is.
I know where he's gonna be tonight.
Don't you just love it when he does that? The demon didn't just show up at my movie today.
He's been there before.
Every time we leave for a new city, he goes there too.
You mean he's travelling in the print? And tonight's the last night in this city.
That's where he's gonna be.
Right, so the midnight show will be his final performance.
We can't kill him in our world, so we'll have to do it in his.
You mean go into the movie? Can we even write a spell for that? I could probably whip up a potion or something.
Well, how about two? One to make sure we can get in, and one to make sure we can get out.
Phoebe's pharmaceuticals.
That means I'm gonna have to leave you there.
So? You'll always know where to find me.
So let's go to the movies.
Billy, you're back.
Just in time.
This is the part where we're supposed to be You brought company.
Oh, Billy, how could you? We were going steady.
And you You pinned me! That's because the writers told me to, Sally Mae.
I mean, you're a nice girl and all, but Anyway, these people, they're here to help us.
Phoebe, do you have the potion? Oh, couldn't you at least have made it look like it tasted good? Check me out, I'm retro.
It tastes like ass phalt.
And now for the violent climax.
- Oh, you need to get a life.
- He's under a spell.
Piper, behind you.
All right, deep down I know that you're an innocent, so I can't really kill you.
But I can: Sleep tight, film boy.
You're out of your league.
In fact, you're out of your world.
Didn't anybody ever tell you what happens once the movie ends if you're still in it? No? Well, I'd love to explain it to you, but we're out of time.
- Prue? - Piper, Phoebe, get out of there quick.
- Prue, why is it getting dark? - Prue, what's going on? Prue, do something.
- Where are you? What can I do? - Help us.
Okay.
Where the hell is reverse? Prue? Are you guys okay? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Get out of there quick.
Okay.
Oh, that's right.
Run away, little witches.
So these are the mighty Charmed Ones.
Watch me run in fear.
Prue, I don't know what else we can do.
You're supposed to be the perky one.
You should really try and not be so negative.
How does it feel to finally know someone you can't defeat, huh? I don't know, you tell me.
You know, if you leave a subject under the light for too long, it burns.
No! Thanks for waking me up to warn me about the film burning.
I could've lost my job.
I guess you learned something from Finley after all.
Yeah, I guess he did come in handy.
You can love the work, but not the man.
What if you love them both? I guess it's only fair.
I got my first glimpse of romance from watching you on the big screen.
Other girls deserve that same view.
Thank you for restoring my faith in the male species.
Now all you have to do is hold out for one that's three-dimensional.
You've gotta be kidding.
The date was a disaster.
And I had a great time.
I especially liked the look on your face when the accordion player broke out into that song.
- You're making fun of me? Yes.
- No.
It was our first date.
I wanted it to be I wanted us to be - A normal couple? - Yes.
Well, you're a witch, and I'm a whitelighter.
You know, being busy, being called away are probably the only normal things about us.
Hello? Door's open.
- Is anybody? - I - Never mind.
- Wait.
No, Dan, wait.
What's this? This is yours.
Some of the things that you left over at my house.
I kept them around because part of me was hoping that maybe Maybe that you'd come back.
And after last night, I realized that I have to move on too.
Thanks.
Hey - Dan.
Hi.
Are you? - Just leaving.
I Yeah.
Does it never get any easier? Okay, talk to me of something else, like what happened at the magazine? I had another run-in with Finley.
Hey, you.
Anyway, it all worked out.
Did you get to tell off the demon of crankiness again? No, once was enough.
But, oh, my editor did love the shot that I chose of him.
Said that it was the first picture that captured the real man.
Speaking of, I will never see another horror movie again.
But I ran across this and thought: Prue.
Oh, Prue.
I love it.
I love it.
I'm gonna go watch it right now.
Should we worry? I think she's just saying goodbye.
- Is it really over? - Yes, Sally Mae, it is.
- Really and truly? - I'm here now.
And as long as I'm with you, everything's gonna be A-okay.
- Promise? - Promise.
You're my hero, Billy.
And I think you're swell, Sally Mae.