Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s02e18 Episode Script
My Two Dads
Tent, life jackets, sleeping bag.
Mm-hmm.
I love this-- getting back to basics.
It brings out the pioneer spirit in me.
Do I look like I'm ready to climb a rock? This will be one of our greatest adventures.
Father and son battling the elements, like something out of Jack London.
Yo, doog! The guys are clearing out the garage.
About time.
What's this, the village people are back in style? No.
Dad and I are going fishing tomorrow.
You're expecting head injuries? Vincent, we've added a little vertical adventure this year.
Douglas and I are going to scale devil's peak.
Dad used to rock-climb in college.
Geez, hardly a day goes by when I don't see some amazing new facet of your personality, Dr.
h.
You're like this wonder man.
I've always held the belief that life is a daring escapade Or nothing at all.
I'll just get the flare gun.
I feel sorry for you.
An entire weekend of dangling from ropes and gutting fish with your old man.
Last year's trip was great.
As stupid as it sounds, it's cool being with my dad.
I've always wanted to climb devil's peak.
Howser, you know, this "me and my dad" thing is getting creepy.
Soon you'll be wearing matching penny loafers.
This is the last of it.
We leave at daybreak tomorrow.
There's something hanging here.
No! No, Vincent! Cool boat, Dr.
h.
The problem is, Phil, I'm in the shower head business, and you send me I don't want people to take baths.
That's the point, isn't it? Hiya, dad.
I don't have money.
I don't want any money.
I was just thinking maybe you and me could do something together this weekend.
A father-son thing? Phil, I got to go.
Are you in some kind of trouble? No.
Hey, how about a game? Lakers are home Sunday.
You got tickets? No, but-- he wants to throw $300 at some scalper.
My son, Mr.
moneybags.
Kids.
You want to do something together? How about helping me with this inventory? I meant something fun.
It's fun when you get into the rhythm.
Doogie and his dad go on this adventure vacation-- fishing in the wild.
They're doctors.
They make their own hours.
I can't quit work and go play in the woods anytime you feel like it.
I thought we could do stuff together.
We won't see much of each other with me in college next year.
Somebody's got to support you.
Now, there's two things we do together.
You have fun, and I bust my butt to pay for it.
Phil Forget it.
Now, where were we? Yeah, yeah.
How high is devil's peak? It's just a steepish hill.
Did you bring your kaopectate? Oh, Katherine.
I'll take good care of him.
New boat? Yes.
The inflatable sustained a few punctures on its maiden voyage.
So, Mrs.
h, what do you think of these guys? They adventurers or what? I'll just be sitting around watching my toenails grow.
Goodbye, dear.
Goodbye, honey.
Be careful.
I wouldn't be half bad in the wilderness.
Remember when we were in boy scouts, doog? I could start a fire without a match.
I probably should have waited till we were outside, but I did it.
We'll see you, vin.
Ciao, buddy.
I'm actually a nature lover at heart.
I love all those wilderness shows.
Grizzly Adams, little house on the prairie, mad Max beyond thunderdome.
Want to drive the first half? I'll drive the whole way if we go now.
Are you alone this weekend, Vinnie? Don't worry about me.
I'm used to being left out of things.
Oh, please.
Ohh! "Ohh"? Vincent, would you like to come with us this weekend? I couldn't.
Let's go.
I'd hate to bust up a father-son bonding thing.
Dr.
howser wouldn't have asked you if he didn't want you.
Right, dear? I, uh I suppose not.
You guys! I'm misting up.
I'll get my things together.
Whoa whoa can't touch this whoa whoa can't touch this, whoa whoa can't touch this, whoa Vinnie.
Stop Vinnie.
What? You're scaring the fish.
You're scaring the birds.
You're scaring the campers in the next county.
Oh Sorry.
Anybody hungry? We just ate 20 minutes ago.
Ahh.
Seems longer somehow.
So what do we do while we wait, play cards or something? We just wait.
And fill our lungs with clean, unpolluted air.
Ahh! Isn't that sweet? Oh, man, i inhaled a bug! Ggghhggh! Sit down.
You're rocking the boat.
It's going to eat its way into my brain.
Sit down! You're doctors.
Do something.
Vin, you got a bite.
Where? On your line.
O.
K.
All right.
Dr.
howser, what do I do? Take it easy.
Geez, he's strong.
Be calm, be calm.
Remember what I told you.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Right, right.
Set the thing.
How am I doing, Dr.
h? I think you got a flair for this.
Wow! Bring it over.
Get him out of here.
Wow.
I'm going to have him stuffed and put him on my wall.
That'd have to be a big wall.
I'm the fisherman around here.
Hey, that's my hat.
Careful.
Hey, hey.
Calm down, boys.
I didn't realize you had an heirloom with a sweatband.
Please get the cooler.
Let me do that.
He's making a run for it! Watch out! You guys.
Anything for a laugh, huh? I think I'll take a little stroll.
That's it.
Oh, baby.
Oh, baby.
Come to daddy! Vinnie.
Aah! What? What? You were snoring.
That's news? All delpinos snore.
Yes, but they do it in their own home.
What was that? I heard that.
You know something, howser? I'm getting the impression you don't want me here.
In case you've forgotten, your father invited me.
I'm a guest.
You didn't give him much choice, did you? You're jealous 'cause I caught a fish.
This should've been my weekend with my dad.
Should I lock myself in the trunk? Go fishing with your own father.
Why don't you shut up? Vincent.
Leave me alone.
Douglas.
Thanks for coming after me.
It's dark out there.
I could sense I was surrounded by animals, but I couldn't see any.
Sorry I kicked you down there, doog.
I thought you were a bear.
Sorry I blew up.
You're right.
I should do this with my own dad.
He acts like he'd rather have dental work than be with me.
I'm sure that's not true.
The type of son my dad wanted-- some strapping guy with a football in one hand and a lug wrench in the other.
Instead he gets some shrimp who wants to make movies.
Remember his theory about the mix-up in the hospital? Maybe he needs to get to know you better.
I don't want us to be some hallmark commercial, hugging and slapping each other on the back all the time.
I just wish that once he'd show some interest in me.
Am I really that much of a letdown? Oh, come on.
You know, Vincent, my father was a very aloof man.
You had to pry every sentence out of him.
I swore when I grew up that I wouldn't follow his example.
But I have to admit when I was your age, I did exactly what you're doing.
I adopted a friend's family.
That wouldn't be the ballantines, would it? Beget us a buzz? It would.
And in a way, i wish they hadn't made it so comfortable for me.
It stopped me from going to my house and, uh, working out things with my father.
Is he telling me to go home? I don't think so.
What I'm saying is, if you feel you're not getting what you need from your father, maybe you should try asking him for it.
You're absolutely right, Dr.
h.
When I get back, I'll have one of those serious talk things with my old man.
I love you guys.
Kumbaya, my lord Kumbaya Come on.
You guys know the words.
Kumbaya, my lord Kumbaya It's no good.
My legs are like jell-o.
My head's spinning.
I'm paralyzed with fear.
Just relax and get settled in, Vincent.
We've got all day.
Devil's peak isn't going anywhere.
Doog, tell him it ain't natural for human beings to hang over cliffs.
Actually, Vinnie, climbing is one of the most atavistic human reflexes.
Remember, we're descended from apes.
I'm descended from Italians.
We're a sea-loving people.
Oh, you'll be fine.
That's coming from the man who's spending his afternoon on the ground.
I got an ear infection.
Must've been from falling in the lake.
Ready for the next step, Vinnie? Good luck.
Forget luck.
Pray.
O.
K.
Come ahead, Vinnie.
Dr.
h, did we bring oxygen? The air's a little thin up here.
We're not high enough for that.
Ohh.
Well, well.
Here's a challenge.
Oh, god, no! Please.
We're all right.
We'll conquer this with the dynamo move.
That's "mo" for short.
I don't want to know what that is.
It's a little leap.
You grasp for your hold, and you've done it.
I'm starting to like the scenery around here.
If you went on without me, i wouldn't be offended.
Now, I want you to lay on here.
All right.
Get a good grip on that rope while I jump, Vincent.
Too much slack now could spell disaster.
Wait a minute.
You're putting your life into my hands? Yes.
What are you, nuts? I trust you, Vincent.
Now, hold tight and watch me.
Very good, Dr.
h.
Pull out that camming device.
All right.
Throw that rope over here.
All right.
Now Get ready to jump.
Couldn't you just pull me over? You can do this.
Block everything else out.
Visualize yourself vaulting through the air and fastening to the limestone like a limpet.
I'm visualizing my brains splattered over a rock.
What the hell is a limpet? Think positively.
Come on.
Unleash the tiger in your heart.
I ain't "the tiger in the heart" type of guy.
Although there is something moving in my intestines right now.
I've known you since you were a little boy, and you've got the guts to do this.
Well, you're wrong.
I'm not.
You are.
I'm not.
You are.
Vinnie, jump! Yike! What happened? Am I dead? Well done.
That was magnificent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Man, I wish I had some spray paint.
I'd write my name here forever.
O.
K.
, what's the next challenge? So I started wondering.
What if I never get facial hair? Italians are supposed to be swarthy.
Uh-huh.
What happened? We ran out of rock.
This is it, Vinnie.
The summit.
You mean, like the top? I made it! Hey, everybody! Look at me! I feel like a giant.
I feel at least 5'11".
Say cheese, Vinnie.
How'd you get up here? I walked.
There's a path up the other side.
I could've strolled up here? Congratulations, Vinnie.
I don't believe it.
I'm risking my life, and you're not even sweating.
Can't believe he fell for that ear thing.
How are you feeling, buddy? Jealous.
It was very generous of you to give this up.
Vinnie really needed it.
I understand that, dad.
And someday, after years of costly and painful analysis, I'll probably forgive you both.
Guys, I see a snake! Are there pythons in California? They could swallow a pig, and I ain't much bigger.
And the job continues.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, you busy? I'm always busy.
I mean, are you reallybusy? What's wrong? I thought maybe we'd talk.
Oh.
How was your weekend? It was good.
What did you do? Oh, you know, stuff.
Oh, here.
What's this? That's me.
On top of devil's peak.
I climbed it.
It's a 150-foot sheer drop to the ground.
You could see four counties from the top.
This is your idea of fun, climbing a rock? It wasn't easy or nothing.
You could've fallen and busted your head, Vincent, wiped out my insurance.
But I didn't fall, dad.
That's the point.
Well, that's an extra copy.
See ya.
Hey, Vinnie.
How do you like this? My son, the rock climber.
That's Vinnie? It's called devil's peak.
It's a 150-foot sheer drop to the ground.
You can see four counties from the top.
What am I going to do with that kid?
Mm-hmm.
I love this-- getting back to basics.
It brings out the pioneer spirit in me.
Do I look like I'm ready to climb a rock? This will be one of our greatest adventures.
Father and son battling the elements, like something out of Jack London.
Yo, doog! The guys are clearing out the garage.
About time.
What's this, the village people are back in style? No.
Dad and I are going fishing tomorrow.
You're expecting head injuries? Vincent, we've added a little vertical adventure this year.
Douglas and I are going to scale devil's peak.
Dad used to rock-climb in college.
Geez, hardly a day goes by when I don't see some amazing new facet of your personality, Dr.
h.
You're like this wonder man.
I've always held the belief that life is a daring escapade Or nothing at all.
I'll just get the flare gun.
I feel sorry for you.
An entire weekend of dangling from ropes and gutting fish with your old man.
Last year's trip was great.
As stupid as it sounds, it's cool being with my dad.
I've always wanted to climb devil's peak.
Howser, you know, this "me and my dad" thing is getting creepy.
Soon you'll be wearing matching penny loafers.
This is the last of it.
We leave at daybreak tomorrow.
There's something hanging here.
No! No, Vincent! Cool boat, Dr.
h.
The problem is, Phil, I'm in the shower head business, and you send me I don't want people to take baths.
That's the point, isn't it? Hiya, dad.
I don't have money.
I don't want any money.
I was just thinking maybe you and me could do something together this weekend.
A father-son thing? Phil, I got to go.
Are you in some kind of trouble? No.
Hey, how about a game? Lakers are home Sunday.
You got tickets? No, but-- he wants to throw $300 at some scalper.
My son, Mr.
moneybags.
Kids.
You want to do something together? How about helping me with this inventory? I meant something fun.
It's fun when you get into the rhythm.
Doogie and his dad go on this adventure vacation-- fishing in the wild.
They're doctors.
They make their own hours.
I can't quit work and go play in the woods anytime you feel like it.
I thought we could do stuff together.
We won't see much of each other with me in college next year.
Somebody's got to support you.
Now, there's two things we do together.
You have fun, and I bust my butt to pay for it.
Phil Forget it.
Now, where were we? Yeah, yeah.
How high is devil's peak? It's just a steepish hill.
Did you bring your kaopectate? Oh, Katherine.
I'll take good care of him.
New boat? Yes.
The inflatable sustained a few punctures on its maiden voyage.
So, Mrs.
h, what do you think of these guys? They adventurers or what? I'll just be sitting around watching my toenails grow.
Goodbye, dear.
Goodbye, honey.
Be careful.
I wouldn't be half bad in the wilderness.
Remember when we were in boy scouts, doog? I could start a fire without a match.
I probably should have waited till we were outside, but I did it.
We'll see you, vin.
Ciao, buddy.
I'm actually a nature lover at heart.
I love all those wilderness shows.
Grizzly Adams, little house on the prairie, mad Max beyond thunderdome.
Want to drive the first half? I'll drive the whole way if we go now.
Are you alone this weekend, Vinnie? Don't worry about me.
I'm used to being left out of things.
Oh, please.
Ohh! "Ohh"? Vincent, would you like to come with us this weekend? I couldn't.
Let's go.
I'd hate to bust up a father-son bonding thing.
Dr.
howser wouldn't have asked you if he didn't want you.
Right, dear? I, uh I suppose not.
You guys! I'm misting up.
I'll get my things together.
Whoa whoa can't touch this whoa whoa can't touch this, whoa whoa can't touch this, whoa Vinnie.
Stop Vinnie.
What? You're scaring the fish.
You're scaring the birds.
You're scaring the campers in the next county.
Oh Sorry.
Anybody hungry? We just ate 20 minutes ago.
Ahh.
Seems longer somehow.
So what do we do while we wait, play cards or something? We just wait.
And fill our lungs with clean, unpolluted air.
Ahh! Isn't that sweet? Oh, man, i inhaled a bug! Ggghhggh! Sit down.
You're rocking the boat.
It's going to eat its way into my brain.
Sit down! You're doctors.
Do something.
Vin, you got a bite.
Where? On your line.
O.
K.
All right.
Dr.
howser, what do I do? Take it easy.
Geez, he's strong.
Be calm, be calm.
Remember what I told you.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Right, right.
Set the thing.
How am I doing, Dr.
h? I think you got a flair for this.
Wow! Bring it over.
Get him out of here.
Wow.
I'm going to have him stuffed and put him on my wall.
That'd have to be a big wall.
I'm the fisherman around here.
Hey, that's my hat.
Careful.
Hey, hey.
Calm down, boys.
I didn't realize you had an heirloom with a sweatband.
Please get the cooler.
Let me do that.
He's making a run for it! Watch out! You guys.
Anything for a laugh, huh? I think I'll take a little stroll.
That's it.
Oh, baby.
Oh, baby.
Come to daddy! Vinnie.
Aah! What? What? You were snoring.
That's news? All delpinos snore.
Yes, but they do it in their own home.
What was that? I heard that.
You know something, howser? I'm getting the impression you don't want me here.
In case you've forgotten, your father invited me.
I'm a guest.
You didn't give him much choice, did you? You're jealous 'cause I caught a fish.
This should've been my weekend with my dad.
Should I lock myself in the trunk? Go fishing with your own father.
Why don't you shut up? Vincent.
Leave me alone.
Douglas.
Thanks for coming after me.
It's dark out there.
I could sense I was surrounded by animals, but I couldn't see any.
Sorry I kicked you down there, doog.
I thought you were a bear.
Sorry I blew up.
You're right.
I should do this with my own dad.
He acts like he'd rather have dental work than be with me.
I'm sure that's not true.
The type of son my dad wanted-- some strapping guy with a football in one hand and a lug wrench in the other.
Instead he gets some shrimp who wants to make movies.
Remember his theory about the mix-up in the hospital? Maybe he needs to get to know you better.
I don't want us to be some hallmark commercial, hugging and slapping each other on the back all the time.
I just wish that once he'd show some interest in me.
Am I really that much of a letdown? Oh, come on.
You know, Vincent, my father was a very aloof man.
You had to pry every sentence out of him.
I swore when I grew up that I wouldn't follow his example.
But I have to admit when I was your age, I did exactly what you're doing.
I adopted a friend's family.
That wouldn't be the ballantines, would it? Beget us a buzz? It would.
And in a way, i wish they hadn't made it so comfortable for me.
It stopped me from going to my house and, uh, working out things with my father.
Is he telling me to go home? I don't think so.
What I'm saying is, if you feel you're not getting what you need from your father, maybe you should try asking him for it.
You're absolutely right, Dr.
h.
When I get back, I'll have one of those serious talk things with my old man.
I love you guys.
Kumbaya, my lord Kumbaya Come on.
You guys know the words.
Kumbaya, my lord Kumbaya It's no good.
My legs are like jell-o.
My head's spinning.
I'm paralyzed with fear.
Just relax and get settled in, Vincent.
We've got all day.
Devil's peak isn't going anywhere.
Doog, tell him it ain't natural for human beings to hang over cliffs.
Actually, Vinnie, climbing is one of the most atavistic human reflexes.
Remember, we're descended from apes.
I'm descended from Italians.
We're a sea-loving people.
Oh, you'll be fine.
That's coming from the man who's spending his afternoon on the ground.
I got an ear infection.
Must've been from falling in the lake.
Ready for the next step, Vinnie? Good luck.
Forget luck.
Pray.
O.
K.
Come ahead, Vinnie.
Dr.
h, did we bring oxygen? The air's a little thin up here.
We're not high enough for that.
Ohh.
Well, well.
Here's a challenge.
Oh, god, no! Please.
We're all right.
We'll conquer this with the dynamo move.
That's "mo" for short.
I don't want to know what that is.
It's a little leap.
You grasp for your hold, and you've done it.
I'm starting to like the scenery around here.
If you went on without me, i wouldn't be offended.
Now, I want you to lay on here.
All right.
Get a good grip on that rope while I jump, Vincent.
Too much slack now could spell disaster.
Wait a minute.
You're putting your life into my hands? Yes.
What are you, nuts? I trust you, Vincent.
Now, hold tight and watch me.
Very good, Dr.
h.
Pull out that camming device.
All right.
Throw that rope over here.
All right.
Now Get ready to jump.
Couldn't you just pull me over? You can do this.
Block everything else out.
Visualize yourself vaulting through the air and fastening to the limestone like a limpet.
I'm visualizing my brains splattered over a rock.
What the hell is a limpet? Think positively.
Come on.
Unleash the tiger in your heart.
I ain't "the tiger in the heart" type of guy.
Although there is something moving in my intestines right now.
I've known you since you were a little boy, and you've got the guts to do this.
Well, you're wrong.
I'm not.
You are.
I'm not.
You are.
Vinnie, jump! Yike! What happened? Am I dead? Well done.
That was magnificent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Man, I wish I had some spray paint.
I'd write my name here forever.
O.
K.
, what's the next challenge? So I started wondering.
What if I never get facial hair? Italians are supposed to be swarthy.
Uh-huh.
What happened? We ran out of rock.
This is it, Vinnie.
The summit.
You mean, like the top? I made it! Hey, everybody! Look at me! I feel like a giant.
I feel at least 5'11".
Say cheese, Vinnie.
How'd you get up here? I walked.
There's a path up the other side.
I could've strolled up here? Congratulations, Vinnie.
I don't believe it.
I'm risking my life, and you're not even sweating.
Can't believe he fell for that ear thing.
How are you feeling, buddy? Jealous.
It was very generous of you to give this up.
Vinnie really needed it.
I understand that, dad.
And someday, after years of costly and painful analysis, I'll probably forgive you both.
Guys, I see a snake! Are there pythons in California? They could swallow a pig, and I ain't much bigger.
And the job continues.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, you busy? I'm always busy.
I mean, are you reallybusy? What's wrong? I thought maybe we'd talk.
Oh.
How was your weekend? It was good.
What did you do? Oh, you know, stuff.
Oh, here.
What's this? That's me.
On top of devil's peak.
I climbed it.
It's a 150-foot sheer drop to the ground.
You could see four counties from the top.
This is your idea of fun, climbing a rock? It wasn't easy or nothing.
You could've fallen and busted your head, Vincent, wiped out my insurance.
But I didn't fall, dad.
That's the point.
Well, that's an extra copy.
See ya.
Hey, Vinnie.
How do you like this? My son, the rock climber.
That's Vinnie? It's called devil's peak.
It's a 150-foot sheer drop to the ground.
You can see four counties from the top.
What am I going to do with that kid?