Greek s02e18 Episode Script

Previously You're leaving.
I love you.
Rebecca, this is Robin Wiley, my big sis.
I do have feelings for Robin.
I'm gonna call her.
I have an announcement.
Fisher and I are dating.
And I'm a lesbian.
- Where's Evan? - We broke up.
We didn't exactly bring out the best in each other.
Once upon a fraternity, this house was full of kleptos.
I know you have our founder's bust.
- Haven't seen it.
- You have 24 hours to return it or we'll take it.
Why do you always have to go to extremes? The Kappa Taus could be in some big trouble.
- If you know something - I don't.
All right, let's go, boys! I know you guys went to the wedding.
Did anything happen? - I kissed her.
- What? - Let me explain - I don't wanna hear.
- Wanna hit me? - No.
- Please, hit me.
- Dude, would you shut up? He can start his 50 hours community service next week.
- We can still be friends.
- Might be better if we weren't.
This whole fraternity thing, it's not for me.
- Tell me why your brother quit.
- Because I kissed Jordan.
I thought you were better than that.
Get me some nachos.
But, remember, Cilantro! Nice! Same time next week, pledges, when we'll discuss the Kappa Tau founders as told through the art of kabuki theater.
Excellent puppeteering, guys.
Where's your bro? He missed the pledge meeting.
You didn't hear? Andylicious de-pledged.
Seriously? Why? He just felt that football took up too much of his time, and And Rusty scammed on his girlfriend.
Didn't think you were capable of such a douche move.
I guess we *** to watch out for Spitter's douche moves.
Guys, it was not like that.
There were a lot of reasons.
- Like you being a douche mover? - Cap, come on.
You move douchily, we call you out on it.
That's how it works.
It's all part of the brotherhood.
As long as you guys don't really think I'm a jerk.
- You're a good guy.
- You're Spitter.
- I like your shoes.
- You're good.
Good stuff.
Beer pong, anyone? Darn.
I'd love to stay, but I have that community service to fulfill.
Thanks to that stolen football.
That's why Andy tried to nail you with the football.
It was 'cause you scammed on his girl.
Thanks.
I can't hear that enough.
Bye-bye, Douche Mover! You're not busy, right? I'm just emailing Max.
What's up? Normally I'd ask Ashleigh, the one with style.
But since she's away with Fisher, you'll have to do.
Which outfit is better for my first lesbian date with Robin? You're really going on a date with Robin? That's why I just said I'm going on a date with Robin.
I didn't realize you were so sincere about this lesbian thing.
- I just thought you wanted attention.
- Unlike some people I don't need to consult everyone I know when I make a decision.
Except when it comes to deciding what to wear.
Funny.
I don't even know why I asked.
Wait a minute.
I can call Robin and see what she's wearing.
Dating a girl has many hidden benefits.
Did you forget you don't live here anymore? We wanna leave Iota Kappa and come back to ZBZ.
-=Greek 218=- "Divine Secrets and the ZBZ Sisterhood" Kappa Team Frannie petitioned Panhellenic for membership weeks ago and we haven't heard anything.
Which means we won't get to do anything for homecoming.
I had so many float ideas.
And? Like a fairy float.
Or butterflies.
Or dragonflies.
Maybe all kinds of things that fly.
Birds.
Look, I'm sorry for you guys, but no one forced you to Please! Joan, the landlady, likes to wander into our beds and spoon with us when she's drunk.
She's drunk a lot.
And some of the pledges Frannie recruited are How do I say this without sounding mean? Pathetic.
One of them barfed up all over my Laura Ashley bedspread.
And she was doing it with my boyfriend at the time.
That's what happens when you only have beer and boys to lure new pledges.
And Frannie can't kick them out because she needs their dues? - I am so glad you understand.
- I totally understand why you wanna come back.
That doesn't mean we're going to let you That place is getting worse than the Kappa Tau house.
I got back with my creepy ex-boyfriend just so I could use his shower.
- Jared? With the teeny-tiny - Look at who I've become, You've got to get us out of there.
Even if I wanted to let you back in, which I'm not sure if I do, I'm not president anymore and Ashleigh is out of town.
When she gets back, can't you just convince her? - Please? - I'll see what I can do.
I'm supposed to be cleaning up the area.
And I didn't ask for you to keep me company.
You didn't have to ask.
I could tell you wanted it.
Remember last year? We were so young and innocent.
We took for granted how new and exciting everything was.
- Our relationships - Speak for yourself.
I appreciate my Sheila every day.
Now everything just kind of sucks.
Cappie's even mad at me.
He did seem a little moody on the phone this morning.
He called? Not for you.
We chat occasionally.
Did he mention to you anything about Andy de-pledging? He seems to be taking it personally for some reason.
The subject never came up.
He did tell me to keep you away from Sheila.
As if you had a shot.
Great.
We had a long talk about which sense we could lose the easiest.
Like, everybody says smell, but we agree that hearing is overrated.
What are you looking at? Don't look at that.
Did you touch it? - Did your hands burn? - What is it? It's pretty elaborate for graffiti.
It's the symbol of the Amphora Society, CRU's secret cult.
Kind of like the devil's 666, you know? They put the symbol around campus to signal they're about to tap new members.
Really? Like one of those ultra-elite secret societies? Like Skull and Bones? Is this where they meet or something? I don't mess around with any of that stuff.
It's bad enough when Sheila read me my horoscope.
It's kind of cool.
Avert your eyes.
Wait up! How are you? Do you even know my last name? It starts with a T.
One lesbian kiss and you're just one of the gays.
Not just a kiss.
Robin and I are going out tonight.
And I came out to everyone at the ZBZ house, and they reacted with such acceptance and understanding.
- Seriously? - I know it seems fast.
But I'm really excited about this date.
Then, good for you.
I haven't been excited about a dating prospect since last year.
Maybe I should be a little bit more open get myslef back out there.
- Maybe you're being too picky.
- I'm not gonna date girls.
I'm enjoying my expanded dating pool.
Just don't go too fast.
These things take a little while to figure out, process.
Not every gay person has to go through a self-loathing shame spiral before coming out.
Then, welcome to the team.
Our uniforms come in lavender for boys and denim for girls.
Your last name starts with an S.
Are you sure? What are you wearing right now? A sweater? I should have known.
You always get chilly.
This is crazy.
All these CRU message boards are devoted to finding the hidden lair of the Amphora Society.
In 1926, it was started as a place for CRU's greatest minds to debate philosophy.
Now they recognize ten students per year for contributions to the university.
Their rituals have resisted discovery for over 80 years.
I think I just got goose bumps.
All right, Sheila, I gotta go.
Sound like Rusty's right on the verge of another dangerous obsession.
Stay warm.
You hang up.
You hang up first.
You hang up first.
Listen to this.
The Amphora Society is named for the ancient Greek two-handled urn.
People have been trying to find their lair for decades.
Some people think it's in a deserted bomb shelter near the library, or in the underground maintenance tunnels.
My God.
One of the Amphora hunters, the guy with the maintenance tunnel theory? Last posting three years ago.
- Screen name Cappie.
- Never would've expected him to be so weak-minded.
This is it.
This is how I can get back in Cappie's good graces.
We hunt for this together.
We'll bond and the awkwardness will disappear.
- And you have to come with me.
- Absolutely not.
Come on, please.
He's pissed at me, but he likes you.
You guys are phone buddies now.
You have to convince him to do it You curious? This is what you all about? They're all about pagan rituals and controlling the government.
They're insidious.
They're like the ACLU.
I haven't heard you so fired up since U-SAG.
Please.
This is a way bigger enemy than your little Greek system.
And you're really comfortable just letting them be? I'd rather see them exposed and discredited, of course, but It's always my sense of duty that comes back to bite me in the bottom like this.
Darn you, Rusty.
Let's get Cappie, find these fools and shut 'em down.
Couldn't believe my luck when I saw you, a fellow Detroit Lions fan brave enough to show his face in public.
What can I say? We're a special breed.
I don't know what's worse, their quarterback situation or their defense.
I'm gonna go a tie.
I'm Jess, man.
With the Detroit Lions shirt.
And the completely shredded pecs.
Thanks.
You're in pretty good shape yourself.
I've got nothing on you.
I need to work on my chest.
What do you think? It's good.
Really good.
You know, the Lions are actually playing tonight.
We could go watch at Dobler's and drown our sorrows.
- Sure.
That sounds great.
- Great.
Watch out for the Just gonna do a little bit of Run, gazelle, run! Natural selection wins out every time.
Douche Mover.
To what do I owe this interruption? Cappie, I have something behind my back that's going to make you very happy.
Sounds like Heath's department.
The Amphora Society.
That's a name I've not heard in a long, long time.
A long time.
I watched my youth slip away searching for them.
Don't you get enough secular ritual at the Kappa Tau house? Why join what's essentially another fraternity? Please.
The Amphoras are far from a fraternity.
Fraternities are about parties and meeting girls.
The Amphoras are about I don't know, because they're secret.
That's what's so cool.
They have their own lair.
Who wouldn't wanna meet in it? So the three of us can find it together.
Isn't that just perfect? No, thanks, Spitter.
I once hunted Amphora.
Some say I came closer to finding them than anyone ever did.
But I left that fruitless quest behind my freshman year.
But we need your amazing instincts and street smarts.
We don't.
We're geniuses.
But please help us.
I'm practically useless.
I got no sense of direction.
I get lost in the apartment.
That is true.
It's almost like a learning disability.
Plus, what could be more fun than friends solving a mystery together? We'll have an amazing adventure, a time we'll never forget.
I understand what you're trying to do.
- I'm not interested.
- Come on.
Please, Cap? Just as a favor.
I'll tell you what.
My research is all yours.
Other then that, you're on your own.
Some things you just gotta let be, OK? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my workout.
- You work out? - Survival of the fittest.
It's a jungle out there, Spitter.
Hey, Becks.
How's your soup? What do you want? Look, something major happened and I need some advice.
I can't get in touch with Ashleigh, Max is on London time And you've gone through the 999 people on your advice list.
It's not that long of a list.
Well, if it's boy advice, that's not really my thing anymore.
Yes, I know you haven't been into boys for the past two days.
It's about girls.
IKI girls.
A bunch of them wanna come back to ZBZ.
Isn't that crazy? I mean Like we'd even let them darken our doorstep after what they did, right? When you ask for advice, is it an excuse to hear yourself talk? Sorry.
I guess I'm looking for your opinion.
My opinion is: Of course we should let them back in the house.
A foolproof chance to vanquish Frannie once and for all.
You'd be crazy not to decimate her house the way she tried to decimate ours.
I guess I just feel, I don't know Kind of sorry for Frannie? Her life seems so pathetic right now.
Pathetic? Please.
It's an act.
Don't tell me you're falling for it.
Trust me, I saw it when I was a mole.
When she starts playing "nice Frannie", brace yourself.
She seems kind of sad.
I'm sure Osama bin Laden cried when his cat died.
But don't go with him in a cave for that.
Please tell me you're not still trying to decide.
I can't believe you're still going through with this.
If we can tell Cappie we found the lair, he'll be so blown away, he'll have to forgive me.
At least he gave us his Amphora notebook.
It's amazing.
If he devoted himself this hard to his studies, he'd probably be valedictorian.
It says pass the "Proceed with Caution" sign and then go ten more yards.
He apparently followed some rumored Amphora member named Lynn Martin here.
He also notes that she has an excellent butt.
So much for valedictorian.
He called me Spitter instead of Douche Mover.
Did you notice? How exactly does one move douche? But then he dissed us.
Wait.
Did you just hear something? I think we're getting close.
I can definitely smell the cultish evil, you know? A little pig's blood.
It's holy water.
I know it's Catholic but, you know, just in case.
- Just in case.
- It's in my eye.
You'll see no evil.
Just try and get me now, Mr.
Cheetah! This gazelle is halfway to the watering hole.
That's good.
Jeez, I can't believe you went through that with your dad.
And with all the publicity? I have to admit, I did see your spring-break video before we met.
You did? Oh, my God.
Had some nice moves.
Seriously, don't worry about it.
When my mom had an affair with my Spanish teacher, I shaved my head.
Your mom had an affair with your Spanish teacher? While he was your teacher? See, and the whole school found out about it.
There was a silver ling.
My grade went from a D to an A in like a week.
I haven't met anyone else who's gone through quite the same humiliation.
A stain stick! Thanks.
You're my Heroine.
I stole one of these from the ZBZ laundry room.
I used to do that! Do not be afraid.
We do not wish you harm.
We are Your friends.
James Earl Jones? Silence! You have been picked for the most elite honor a Cyprus-Rhodes student can achieve.
You have been permitted to enter the lair of the Amphora Society.
Those of you who stand before us have distinguished yourselves in various ways on campus.
But now you are about to be joined together as one for life.
This is so awesome! And now it's not.
Excuse me.
I know we don't know each other very well, but My boyfriend and my best friend are both out of town.
So could you give me some advice? I hope those were all new supplies you used.
I don't want that disgusting Paula Abdul nail fungus.
Speaking of fungus.
They really need another nail salon in Cyprus.
- It's fine.
- I can leave if you want.
- Why? - You're trying to relax.
So you're being nice? Well.
After the wedding, I thought that I'm not gonna get in your cave this time.
I don't even care if your cat died.
Dammit! - What are you talking about? - I can't believe I didn't see this.
You sent those defecting Ikis to be moles in the ZBZ house.
And you're keeping me from being suspicious by being nice.
That's so your MO.
Again, what? Or, you want me to think they're defecting so I'll let my guard down, convinced your house is falling apart and no longer competition.
Thinking we'll feel so sorry for you and help you get into Panhellenic.
Or Wait.
Who stopped by ZBZ? Brenda, Beth, and the other ex-sisters.
You didn't send them over pretending to be leaving I-Kap? Seriously, I don't think I have any skin left.
The fumes must be getting to you.
There is no way any of my I-Kaps wanna come back to ZBZ.
Come off it, Frannie! - I can't believe this.
- Wait.
You didn't know? Or you did.
Or you're trying to make me think you didn't know.
But I know! What? I have to leave.
The Lions have dug themselves yet another big hole.
It's unlikely To the Lions of Detroit.
For only trailing the Packers by 14 at the half.
Cheers.
You're good to drink water.
I gotta ease up on this beer.
When I drink, you can hardly see any kind of six-pack.
No, there's still a lot to see there.
Thanks, man.
Change the channel! Man! I guess we are the only two people in the world who care about the Lions.
So we can talk more.
Or What was that? I I don't know.
I think you've got the wrong idea.
I'm straight.
But you said "Or.
" You said we could talk "Or" Yeah, as in or I could get my phone out of my jacket, call my buddy and watch the game at his house.
Really? Yeah.
Cause that makes sense, too.
I don't know what I ever saw in guys.
That was so much fun.
I wasn't nervous.
I actually ate.
It's like we skipped right over all the crazy nerve-wracking first-date stuff.
Well, we don't have to skip over all the first-date stuff.
Right.
So So Guys act so weird when they see two women kiss.
So I'll call you.
In ancient Egypt, King Tutankhamen brought to his tomb thinking he would enjoy them in the afterlife.
These bore the name Kha'y.
Tutankhamen's royal vintner.
Sip the wine, then toast the vintner Kha'y.
As the wine passes your lips, so your immortal soul passes to us.
I think I'll pass.
Pass? That's right.
I have no interest in joining a group who wants this guy as a member.
This has never happened before.
May we have just a moment? What are you doing? I thought things were cool.
The past couple of weeks You've taken time off from being a jackass.
I don't wanna pass my immortal soul with you.
Are you crazy? You've wanted this since freshman year.
And because of me it's over? I wanted a lot of stupid things freshman year.
You in the hood! - Hooded guy who was speaking? - Yes? Listen, don't worry about, me giving away any of your immortal secrets.
If you just get me out of here, we'll forget this ever happened.
Has anyone seen my keys? Are you covered in soot? I'm meeting Dale at this orchard by the agricultural sciences building.
According to the Book of the Amphora, beneath the tenth apple tree there's this crypt visible when the moon fully rises.
The Book of Amphora.
That's a name I haven't heard in a Long time, long time.
I know.
Talk about a blast from the past.
Sometimes it hits me how weird it is that Cappie and Evan don't speak now.
What does Evan have to do with this? They wrote this book together.
Evan did all the maps.
So Cappie and Evan searched for the Amphora Society together? They were obsessed.
It kind of annoyed me, because it was one of many things Cappie spent more time on than me.
And then? Then Cappie and I broke up.
Ending their friendship and their search for the Amphora Society.
I'm surprised Cappie didn't burn this.
That's why he's so pissed about the Jordan situation.
Cappie thinks I'm just like Evan.
I gotta go.
The moon fully rises in ten minutes.
No knock? What if I'd been entertaining a young lady, as I'm wont to do? Or entertaing myself, as I'm also wont to do from time to time.
Knock it off.
Right here, in front of you? Stop joking around! I'm not the one who kissed Casey.
Yes, I did do something that might qualify as a half-douche move to Andy, not to you.
Don't tell me you've never made a douche move.
Sorry, Dr.
Phil, you lost me at the point where it sounded like you made out with your own sister.
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
Casey and Evan both - broke your heart freshman year.
- Let's not be melodramatic.
They broke your heart! Admit it.
They did something that sucked.
It sucked so much that you can't get over it, and you're taking your anger out on me.
I just happen to think the way you handled the Andy thing was kind of lame, and, yes, a bit Evan-nescent.
Andy's side is easy to understand.
There's another side to the story.
I met Jordan first.
I fell for her first.
She ended up with another guy.
I tried to accept that and I tried to move on.
And then one night he wasn't around when she need him, and I was, and we kissed.
It was lame, but it does not make me a terrible person.
It doesn't make me Evan.
Thanks for meeting me.
So why all the secrecy? Don't tell anyone, but I think I need some advice.
After one lesbian kiss, you come out to an entire sority, - and you're nervous asking for advice? - indecisiveness as a sign of weakness.
But with this lesbian thing, I'm a little in over my head.
I'm supposed to see Robin again tonight, but I'm feeling confused.
- Is confusion a sign of weakness too? - No.
Stupidity.
But listen.
Robin and I had a great date.
But then we kissed, and it felt weird.
Weird like she's not a good kisser, or weird like you're not a lesbian? Weird like I just had the most fun ever on a date, and I really like this girl, and I think she's really attractive, but when we kissed after our date, I didn't have that awesome, nauseous, never-let-this-moment-end feeling.
- You felt the sparks before, right? - Maybe because it was something new.
But I shouldn't give up yet, right? Worse comes to worst, I realize I'm not a lesbian and we end up friends.
No.
Worse comes to worst, she's totally humiliated and wants to die of embarrassment.
Sorry.
Me putting myself out there resulted in me trying to kiss a straight dude who's not my type.
Because he's straight.
I thought we were out on a date.
Turns out he's just a straight guy that like to flirts with guys, apparently.
Sounds like a closet case? No, I think he's actually straight.
With metrosexuality, and emo rockers wearing eyeliner, and bromantic comedies, modern times are pretty confusing for us gays.
I long for the days when a tight tank top told you - everything you needed to know.
- It's confusing for the straights, too.
- Is that how you see yourself? - I'm not sure.
Then my advice to you would be figure it out fast.
You don't wanna string the girl along.
Fine! You really don't like taking advice, do you? No.
But I do like giving it.
Next time you decide to expand your dating pool, stick to gay guys.
Ladies, I've considered your request.
Thank you.
And I've decided to recommend to Ashleigh that we not let you back into the ZBZ house at this time.
Are you kidding me? I'd only recommend letting you back in to spite Frannie anyway, and I've decided I don't want to do that.
What are we supposed to do now? Maybe you should've thought of that before you left ZBZ.
I guess, try and make the best of it at the Iki excuse me, I-Kap house.
Good luck.
Are you mocking me? JK! LOL.
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna try to kiss you again.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Look, I get it.
You're straight.
Let's just pretend this never happened? Agreed.
Yeah, but, I mean, you have to admit, you did compliment me on my pecs.
And you showed me your abs and your chest.
You're a teasy straight guy, you know? And don't try to say you didn't know I was gay.
'Cause you knew I was gay.
OK, I knew you were gay.
OK, but why can't a straight guy compliment a gay guy? I thought we as a society were past all that.
That would be fine if you were just complimenting me and not showing off your impressive physique.
You know, you gave me a flirty vibe, man, all right? And talking about my pecs is just plain gay.
OK, fine.
I've been kinda down lately.
My girlfriend just dumped me, and the attention you gave me made me feel better.
I knew it.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
I meant what I said about your pecs.
They're completely ripped.
Damned metrosexuals.
Son of a You have denied your initial chance to become one with us.
But, as Plato said, there are always second chances amongst true friends.
- Plato never said that.
- I didn't have time to write a speech! Are you in or not? - Come on.
- Why would you want me back? Your fellow initiates convinced us that you deserved another chance.
I see.
Would you just give us a second? - Why would you do a thing like that? - Temporary hood-provoked insanity.
Seriously.
I mean, I was thinking, and way back when, searching for this place was your idea.
You wanted this first.
And I knew that you'd regret it if you gave it up.
We used to be pretty good friends.
A long time ago.
Long enough.
So I've been thinking, and I just wanted to say that - I'm sorry for the douche move.
- Which one? I knew you wanted her first.
And I just ignored it and I made my move anyway.
Are you in or not? We need to know.
I'm in.
I forgot the name of the Egyptian guy, so cheers.
Close enough.
I will now give you the rites of passage.
I must remind you that all within this lair is sacred.
When you travel outside its walls, you must not draw attention to this society.
Do not alter your normal routine in any way.
- We're getting close.
- I'm not getting any vibe.
- My instincts are dead-on.
- Dale, let's not give up.
Think how cool it'll be to tell Cappie where the Amphoras meet.
Two Cappies on one campus.
Who knew? I'm tired.
Let's just go back to the apartment.
I need you to cut my hair again.
And now I will bestow on you the secrets of the ancients.
Dean Bowman? Old Man Smithers the caretaker!? Zoinks! Welcome to the Amphora Society.
I have to tell you something.
Is it that you're not a lesbian? Was it that obvious? Let's just say you're not the first lug I've encountered at CRU.
Lug? That doesn't sound flattering.
Lesbian until graduation, or, in your case, until the end of the week.
Do you hate me? - Did I string you along? - I knew what I was getting into.
You were curious.
We had fun.
It's fine.
I guess we're just better off as Girlfriends.
Just not that kind of girlfriends.
For what it's worth, I really do wish I were a lesbian right now.
Or at least a bisexual.
Me too.
We must have dug ten different holes in that orchard, and all we found were a bunch of condoms and a pair of overalls.
Dale's been wearing them ever since.
The overalls, not the condoms.
Thank God.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for giving you a hard time and letting my baggage come between us.
It's OK.
I understand.
I'm think this Amphora Society doesn't even exist.
I bet it's probably some frat prank to get people to try and run around and find it.
I bet you it's those Omega Chi douchebags who set it up.
Could be.
Speaking of Omega Chi douchebags I'm glad we cleared things up.
I hated you thinking of me the way you think of him.
- You're really through.
- I polish every crevice.
Manual labor suits you both.
Don't mind me.
I'm just coming back from an I-Kap sisters bonding brunch.
You had it wrong.
The sisters and I had an amazing time and the house couldn't be stronger.
You'll have to try harder next time you want to undermine me.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
I still think you're crazy.
You could've stuck it to her.
And then she'd have to stick it to me back.
And then I'd have to retaliate, prompting her to seek vengeance and me to - I'm exhausted just hearing about it! - I'm tired of it too.
And I'm not naive about Frannie.
I didn't want those bitches back in the house.
One bitch is all I can handle.
You got me all wet! I do reserve the right to be a bitch.
But I've officially retired my lesbianism.
Turns out I'm not gay.
I just had a crush on Robin.
She came along when I was searching for something.
- Like what? - Like me.
Who am I now, now that I'm not a senator's daughter? So I'm not a lesbian anymore, but it was worthwhile to see how ridiculous guys get when girls are even remotely intimate.
Straight guys think we do everything for their benefit.
I know! When Ashleigh and I do our girl-grind dance at parties, we're always surrounded by a slobbering horde.
I mean, hello, straight horny dudes! We're not doing the girl-grind dance for you.
So How about we give these guys a thrill? Like do the girl-grind dance? No.
Just one kiss.
Oh, my God, Rebecca, you are crazy.
What, are you scared? Please.
I guess it would be pretty funny to see what they would do.