Kickin' It (2011) s02e18 Episode Script

I hate mondays.
Rudy comes in all depressed about how lonely his weekend was.
I know.
We either get stony silence or muffled sobbing.
And I can smell it in the air, there's a sob a-coming.
Don't worry, guys, Jack and I are on top of it, to keep him happy We bought him this giant cookie.
This weekend he told me he was gonna sit at home and watch his cat lick himself.
- We're gonna need a bigger cookie.
- Yeah.
I had the greatest weekend of my life.
Yeah, I went on a date with Bethany Applebaum And it was amazing.
Wait.
Our health teacher went out on a date with you? Yes, she did.
Why? Because she has the vision to see what 1,413 other women didn't.
That I am dateable.
Jack! I was down at Doctor Kicks Shoe Store getting these new swag A.
B.
High-Tops.
You're not gonna believe it.
They're hiring.
Yes! Dude, we gotta get jobs there.
Yo, absolutely.
You get an employee discount and free odor busters for your feet.
You have got to get this job.
Wait.
Why are they called A.
B.
's? A.
B.
stands for air bags.
They give you maximum bounce on the basketball court.
Check it.
Yeah, it says not to go past five pumps, but I'm going up to 20.
Uh, you really think that's such a good idea? I think I know what I'm doing, Kim.
That's what I'm talking about.
Maximum bounce, baby! Woo! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Here we go, let's start the party! Chop it up like it's karate.
Everybody! - Don't - Don't - You - You Get all tough with me! I'm saying - Won't - Won't - You - You Come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall! That's just how we do.
And no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
How great is this place, man? Dude.
Yo, check it out.
- Woo! - Oh! We gotta get jobs here.
Hey, listen.
We always talked about working here together.
So let's agree they either hire both of us or neither of us.
Oh, smart.
Hooking yourself to the J-train.
Here at Doctor Kicks, we believe the customer is always right.
Ah.
Max, we believe that not only is the customer always right, but we are always wrong.
Yeah, we don't know a thing.
Am I right, Jack? - No, he's - Jack, I got this.
Guys, I think I got all I need.
I'll be in touch.
Um, just for the record, that basketball mini-tramp is a great idea.
That was my idea.
Might as well bounce those kids right over to the cash register, am I right? Jack.
I like you.
- Welcome to Doctor Kicks.
- Whoa.
Jerry, I'm afraid Thank you, Sir, but if you're hiring me, you're also hiring Jerry.
You know, in the shoe business you don't break up a pair.
No matter how defective one of them is.
Jerry, you're in.
You guys start tomorrow.
- Yes, thank you so much.
- No way! - We're in, dude.
- Here's your company whistles.
Oh.
I I'd boil that.
It was Benny's.
He used to blow it, but not with his mouth.
And so the lonely peanut passes through the large intestine, out the rectum, and into your toilet bowl.
And that my friends, is the scoop On poop.
I do not think I'm ever eating again.
Oh, great job.
"A.
" Ever since Ms.
Applebaum started going out with Rudy, this class has gotten a lot easier.
Yeah, well, I didn't do my report.
But I think I have another way around it.
Kim, you're up.
See, I was with Rudy And I worked on it with Rudy.
And Rudy.
"A" plus.
I need some air.
Kickin' it with you! Ow.
Show me something in a petite, you.
Petite? Your foot is a catcher's mitt.
Are you gonna show me a shoe that will fit me or not? Oh, yes, Ma'am.
Just give me a minute so I can call a blacksmith.
All employees, please meet me at the slam-poline.
Hustle up, people.
Five minutes ago.
110%.
You're late.
Big news, guys.
Our store was just chosen to launch NBA superstar Kyrie Irving's new shoe! The Air Mini-Flyer.
- No way.
- He'll be here in person On Friday for the launch.
Bring it in.
Okay, back to work! Dude, Kyrie Irving is coming here.
Hey, Jack.
Jack, that guy's taking those sneakers.
All right, let's go inside and ring you up.
Yeah, man.
Wow, Jack.
That was unbelievable.
No, you want to know what's unbelievable? This woman thanks her foot's a petite.
Oh! Guys, check it out.
Bethany's status says "in a relationship with Pudy pie".
That's me.
Hi, Pudy pie.
Hello, Bethany.
Hey, Ms.
Applebaum.
I uh, I meant to give this to you after class, but since you're here.
Happy Birthday.
You remembered it's my birthday.
That is so sweet.
Oh, yeah.
It's just a box for your hair clips.
- Really nothing.
- Oh, but it is something.
It's very It's pretty close to nothing.
But you're really gonna love what I got you.
Now close your eyes.
Um, see I shopped and I shopped and I shopped Until I found something that I knew you would love.
See, what I got you was this Beautiful, super expensive, designer Beret.
Oh! I love it! Hi.
I left my really old, super cheap, non-designer Beret in here the other day.
Did anyone see it? Is this it? Yeah, that's it.
I can't believe you lied to me.
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship.
Maybe you're not the man that I thought you were.
Good-bye, Rudy.
- Don't you mean Pudy pie? - Pudy pie is dead! Why do you think Max called us in here? I don't know, man.
Maybe he's gonna fire me.
I bet that hoof lady filed a complaint.
Relax.
Whatever happens, remember our pact.
It's either both of us or neither of us.
Thanks, Jack.
Guys.
I'm in a tough spot.
I'm promoting one of you, but I'm gonna have to let one of you go.
Jack, you're fired.
Sorry.
What? Congratulations, Jerry.
You're our new assistant manager.
What?! - But you can't - Sorry, but it didn't work out, Jack.
Jerry, isn't there anything you want to say? Yeah, there is.
I'm the new assistant manager, baby! Woo! What about our agreement that if one of us gets fired the other one would leave with him? Hey, I only agreed to that because I assumed I would be the one getting fired.
Whatever, dude.
Enjoy your promotion.
You really deserve it.
Jerry, hey.
I want you in charge of security during the Kyrie Irving visit to our store.
Me? - Really? - Absolutely.
You're the assistant manager now.
I'm gonna need to lean on you.
And also I'm gonna need you to spot me in 10 minutes when I do my power squats.
Kickin' it with you! The heart pumps over 2,000 gallons of blood a day, making it our most important organ.
Wrong! The heart is a pathetic, gnarled up sponge that soaks up nothing but misery! Now, take out a piece of paper and I want you to write a 10,000 word essay! On the similarities between a man and a lying snake.
Milton.
Rudy said he was gonna try and win her back by doing some big romantic gesture.
Maybe he was thinking flowers or cards or candy.
Woo-ee! He went a different way.
Listen, Bethany.
I know that I messed up.
But to show you how much you mean to me, I climbed to the top of Mount Seaford, and carved a heart with our initials in it.
That's the most thoughtful thing anyone's ever done for me.
I have to see it right now! Wait, what? Oh, I'm a climber, too.
But you're in the middle of class.
Hey, kids, get out right now! We just have to go by my place and pick up my gear.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Rudy, let's go! Yo, Jack.
Look.
When you got fired and I was hired as assistant manager There was something that I should have done that I didn't do and I feel bad about it.
Okay, dude.
This is more like it.
You've finally honored our agreement and quit.
Close.
Yeah, I'm here to get your company whistle.
You're unbelievable, you know that? Oh, come on, Jack.
For once I got something you didn't.
Dude, that's never happened before.
I'm not used to getting ahead.
Dude, I was in kindergarten so long, I had to shave for graduation.
Can't you just be happy for me? I got a promotion.
You didn't deserve the promotion, Jerry.
You're incompetent.
All you did yesterday was bite the hangnail off some old dude's foot.
Hey, I stepped up.
Okay, that old dude's hangnail was tearing up our sample socks.
I wanted the Kyrie Irving Air Mini-Flyer to do three things.
Look good, feel good, and improve your game.
So what Kyrie Irving is trying to say is that if you were to buy these shoes, you will be guaranteed a career in the NBA.
No, no.
That's not at all what I'm saying.
Who are you, bro? I'm assistant manager Martinez.
Yeah, if you need a sandwich, I'm your guy.
If you need a water, I'm your guy.
Whatever you need, I'm your guy.
- I'll take a water.
- Helen? Get Kyrie a water.
Yeah, Helen's my guy.
I like you, man.
Here, let me give you a pair of my new shoes.
- What? - Mm hmm.
No way.
Thanks, Kyrie Irving! Oh, I love that new sneaker smell.
What are you doing? Would you get your nose out of the shoes? People are looking.
Kyrie, the crowd's ready for you.
Thanks.
Jerry! In the back, there's a pallet of shoes that Kyrie autographed.
Signed, they're worth like 500 bucks a pair.
After you close up, bring them out here so they're ready - to be shipped first thing in the morning.
- Okay.
All right.
Helen! Get your nose out of that shoe.
People are looking.
You are this close to not being my guy anymore.
I don't believe it.
I'm almost there! I did it! I did it! I did it! Woo! Oh, that is so exhilarating.
Okay, carry me back down.
No, wait, wait.
Rudy, we came all the way up here to see our initials intertwined in a heart.
- So.
- Yeah.
About that.
Uh - The truth is - Hey, Rudy.
What the? You scared the daylights out of me.
What are you two doing here? Well, we wanted to see the beautiful expression of your love carved into the mountain.
Yeah.
A lot of people want to see that, Kim.
But they're not gonna.
They will if they look right here.
Oh, Rudy.
It's amazing.
Okay, there's a part of me that thought maybe you lied again.
You just don't really seem like much of an outdoors man.
What? Are you kidding? I live for the outdoors.
Well, I shouldn't have doubted you.
Yeah, Bethany.
You should have doubted me.
Because I am a liar! And I'm also handsome.
That's a very judgmental echo.
The truth is I didn't carve those initials.
They did.
But I only lied to you because I like you so much, and I was scared of losing you.
But I promise I will never ever ever lie to you again.
Okay, Rudy.
I forgive you.
You know I can't believe you actually thought I was an outdoors man for like a minute.
Well, it's a good thing that you told me the truth, because I was gonna suggest that we fly down the mountain in these wing suits.
I'm sorry, wing-whats? Yeah.
With these suits, you can jump off the mountain, and glide down at over 200 miles an hour.
It's a real rush.
Bethany, I like you very much, but there is no way that I would ever Whoa! I'm coming, Rudy! Wow.
He's really flapping those little wings.
Kickin' it with you! Oh, dude, you got Kyrie Irving's sneakers.
You've got a Kyrie Irving face.
Dude! You're Kyrie Irving! That what my rookie of the year award says.
Nobody likes a braggart, Kyrie Irving.
So how was your appearance over at Doctor Kicks? Did you meet my "friend," the new assistant manager? Too much aftershave and big ears? - That's the guy.
- Yeah, I met Jack.
No, his name's Jerry.
That's weird.
I gave him a pair of shoes and he had me autograph them for Jack.
Man.
I didn't see that coming.
I should go talk to him.
Hey hey.
Do you want to see why I won rookie of the year? Sure.
You see that cup? Not today, Kyrie Irving.
This is Tammy's house, rookie! Hey.
Free Chinese food delivery.
Oh, no, thank you.
I don't like Chinese food.
Well, what do you like? I like hot dogs.
Free hot dog delivery.
Oh sweet! Come on in.
Hey.
Oh, really, Jerry? Really? All right let's start packing up those shoes.
- Get over here.
- Oh, man.
Yo, Jack! These guys are taking the autographed shoes! Kyrie, untie Jerry.
Come on, you're free.
Woo.
Eight and a half extra wide.
I think I may have something in your size.
- Yeah.
- Dude.
Yes.
- Yo, thanks for helping me close up, guys.
- No problem.
No problem, man.
Now, I don't know who this guy is, but I'm pretty sure this is our old friend Max.
How did you know that? Well, I was thinking about it during the fight.
So fired you because he saw you as a threat.
And he made me assistant manager so I would take blame for the missing shoes.
He only promoted me because he knew I was Awesome.
An awesome employee is what you are.
And smart enough to put the whole thing together.
Max.
- Hey, who called the cops? - I did.
There were two 14-year-old kids fighting a bunch of thugs.
How do you guys do this? What can I say? We make a great pair.
Yeah.
Even if one of us is a little defective.
If that's Max, then who do you think this guy is? Helen, no.
You were my guy.
She was my guy.
You might want to find yourself a new guy.
Kickin' it with you! - There you go.
That's good.
- Oh, nice.
Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Ms.
Applebaum.
- Hey.
Let me get Rudy.
Hey, Rudy? Ms.
Applebaum's here.
Coming.
Ow.
Ow.
There's my outdoors man.
Ow ow ow ow.
Reservation's at 8:00, but it's gonna take a minute to bungee cord you to the top of my car.
Oh no! A mummy! No! You might want to change your reservation to 9:00.