Lost In Space (1965) s02e18 Episode Script
The Toymaker
[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall we left Will, Dr.
Smith and the Robot investigating an alien machine unaware that within its depths lurked an incredible array of monstrous mechanical toys.
Well.
Another of those interesting intergalactic mail-order catalogs.
How nice.
By pressing buttons and causing pictures to appear on the screen one can order anything one wants in the universe and have it appear immediately.
This one doesn't seem like it's in very good condition, Dr.
Smith.
Never mind appearances.
Just see if it works.
Warning! Warning! Hazardous area! Return at once, Will Robinson! The fissure you have crossed is filled with hyperatomic matter.
Silence, you cackling coward! The machine also is dangerous.
Nonsense.
Will is very good with machines.
Now, go ahead, William.
See if you can find a suitable present for your dear sister.
- Do you think she'd like that? - I'm sure she would.
Perhaps you should turn the gold knob.
Then we will have the vehicle in gold.
It's such a charming metal.
Turn it off! Something must have gone wrong.
Perhaps the hand of an expert is indicated.
Stand aside, my boy.
[ Robot .]
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
He who plays with fire will surely get-- Spare me the asinine axioms.
Be careful, Dr.
Smith.
The Robot said the fissure in this area was dangerous.
With Dr.
Smith, greed conquers all.
I'll attend to you later, you addlepated armor-bearer.
Now, let's see.
What shall I order? Money would be so nice, except for the fact that there's no place to spend it.
We're looking for something for Penny.
Remember? How could I forget that? But wouldn't it be wise to test the capacity of the machine by ordering something a little more substantial? I have it! I shall order myself a new coat.
The nights have been very chilly lately.
- [ Beeping .]
- Oh, dear! There must be a way to get something other than the toy department.
Or possibly that one.
I think all of them.
That should do it.
[ Will .]
Careful, Dr.
Smith.
Never fear, Smith is here.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
- Warning! Warning! - Silence, ninny! Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith! The machine's got Dr.
Smith! You gotta help me get him out! There is nothing we can do! Dr.
Smith is gone! Dr.
Smith! There we go.
- Can I help? - Yes, please.
Mom! - Where's Dad and Don? - Why? What's the matter? - I've gotta find them! - Well, they're not here right now.
You can't.
Something terrible's happened! I've gotta find them! - Now, wait a minute, Will.
- But, Mom-- Your dad and Don aren't here.
They went out looking for some sort of a fissure.
The seismograph indicated a dangerous one had opened somewhere in this area.
We found that.
It's not important now.
- And just what is so important? - Dr.
Smith's gone.
He pushed the wrong button on an old android machine and it kinda swallowed him up.
What? You know what Dad said about those alien machines.
He said-- Now, Penny, that'll do.
How did this happen? I issued all the required warnings.
However, if I protest too much Dr.
Smith removes my power pack and I become a complete write-off.
We've gotta do something.
Dr.
Smith could be in some other dimension.
Anything could happen to him.
All right, then, dear.
You wait here.
I'll try and find your father.
- Penny, keep an eye on your brother.
- I've just thought of something.
That machine's like a catalog people can order things from all over the galaxy.
- What's wrong with that? - Don't you get it? Now Dr.
Smith's part of that catalog.
Anybody could order him.
[ Laughs .]
How can you laugh when right now anybody could buy Dr.
Smith? I was bought.
Believe me, it is not a bad way to go.
Well, you're different.
You don't count.
You're just a machine.
Oh, I see.
I'm sorry, Robot.
I shouldn't have said that.
I'm sorry! Will, where are you going? Mom told me to keep an eye on you.
Then come along.
Then you can keep an eye on me.
Careful.
Be careful.
You'll fall into one of these.
Be careful.
Penny, you'd better stay here.
- Will, be careful.
- I'm just gonna turn it on.
There.
See? I just turned it on, that's all.
Will? Be careful.
I've gotta get Dr.
Smith's image on the panel.
That couldn't be Dr.
Smith, could it? Will, are you sure you know what you're doing? Maybe I'm not using the right combination.
Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong.
[ Clicking .]
Well, the count's increasing.
That fissure's gotta be around here someplace.
Setting is 2-8-5.
Holding steady.
Range still indeterminate.
John! Oh, thank heaven I found you.
Listen, something dreadful has happened.
Dr.
Smith has been trapped in an android machine.
What's so dreadful about that? That's about the best news I've heard in weeks.
Don, please, be serious.
Will is afraid that something awful might happen to him.
He was caught in one of those once before.
It didn't seem to do him any harm.
But this is different.
This is an old, abandoned machine.
Maureen, a lot of things are different this time.
We could be in a lot of trouble if we don't find this fissure soon.
I don't understand.
Well, from our readings, that fissure that opened last night has continued to widen.
If it reaches down to the core of this planet and the heat builds up it's liable to blow.
And we could blow with it.
We've got to find that fissure and seal it up.
Will found the fissure.
It's right by the android machine.
Well, where is he? - I left him back at the spaceship.
- Well, let's go.
- I left him back at the spaceship.
- Well, let's go.
Maybe I'm not pushing enough buttons at the same time.
Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong.
[ Robot .]
I suggest you leave it alone! The machine is becoming overheated! I'm just gonna do it once more.
That can't hurt anything.
- Warning! Warning! - I've gotta get Dr.
Smith out! [ Penny .]
Will! Penny! Warning! Warning! Do not go near that machine! Electrical explosion imminent! The machine has him too! Will is in the machine! No! Dr.
Smith? Golly, where am I? [ Shrieking .]
Dr.
Smith? Dr.
Smith, where are you? What-- Hey, let me loose! Let loose of me! Let me loose! That will do you no good at all, you know.
It'll do you no good.
Oh, you've done it.
You've certainly done it.
You've broken my machine, probably, and it was the only one on that planet.
I didn't break any machine.
- Of course you did.
- Look for yourself! Somebody must be to blame and since you're the only somebody here, then I blame you.
Well, you're mistaken, sir.
The machine grabbed me.
That's all I know.
Oh, pish-tosh, pish-tosh! Nobody gets in here.
So you must have been here all the while.
Which stockroom are you from? I'm not from any stockroom.
Oh, you're very drab.
Very drab, indeed.
Very drab.
But then, in my position I can't afford to be choosy.
I must take what I can get.
I imagine I could touch you up a bit, a little paint here and there.
- Do you bite? - Why, of course I don't bite! Which may or may not be true.
If you lie, you probably bite.
But if you do bite, I can always strike you with my cane.
It's always very effective.
Can you tell me where Dr.
Smith is? What kind of a place is this? I never heard of a place called Dr.
Smith.
And this place is here.
It can't be anywhere else; therefore, it must be here.
Now, come along.
Come along.
Come along.
And don't dawdle.
I don't like "somebodies" who dawdle.
Come along.
Well, that's the last of the burned-out tubes and wires.
Can you make anything out of this? The prognosis is poor.
The circuits are very primitive and the machine has been reprogrammed.
Rewiring will be necessary.
Can you tell us anything about where Will and Smith might be? This machine operates on a fourth-dimensional process.
It could be anywhere.
How long will it take to repair this machine? It is impossible to estimate at this time.
Even if we get it back together, we can't be sure it'll work the first time around.
- We won't get a second chance.
- Is it that bad? Yeah, that fissure's getting hotter by the minute.
At the outside, we've got 24 hours to seal it up.
And if we use a charge powerful enough to seal it up, it'll take this machine with it.
- Well, we're just gonna have to move it.
- That cannot be done.
To move this old machine would destroy it.
Well, that doesn't give us any choice then.
Somehow we're gonna have to get them out of there within 24 hours.
Come along then.
Come along.
Here, here, here.
Now, don't dawdle.
Don't dawdle.
Ordering, ordering, ordering.
Children all over ordering toys.
They do run the legs off me.
Indeed, they do.
They would pick one of those Constructo kits.
We ran out of those 50 years ago.
Where's that order coming from, sir? Oh, that machine is on a small planet near Orion.
There are plenty of children there.
- [ Beeping .]
- Be patient, be patient, be patient.
But that's not what they ordered.
Well, it's the best I can do.
I always do the best I can.
They'll just have to take what they can get.
All right, then, come along.
Come along, now, and don't dawdle.
What kind of toy are you? Do you have a name? My name's Will Robinson, sir, and I'm not a toy.
I'm a boy.
Oh, nonsense, nonsense.
There are no boys here.
Therefore, you can't be one.
And I've never heard of a Will Robinson.
Well, that's what I am-- I mean, who I am.
What's your name, sir? Oh, I've had lots of names.
When I was young, they called me "boy.
" Then later they called me "young man.
" In my prime, I was known as "sir.
" When they retired me from the department store, they called me "old man.
" I-I prefer "O.
M.
" - O.
M.
Yes, sir.
- Oh! Thank you! Thank you very much.
Well, we must be off now.
We must be going.
Come, come.
Don't dawdle.
Come along, come along.
Don't dawdle.
- What's that, Mr.
O.
M.
? - That is exactly what it seems to be.
Everything here is what it seems to be.
That is a windup monster and a very great nuisance.
He's always acting up, getting out of hand.
- [ Roaring .]
- Mr.
O.
M! Stop that! He's always trying to wind himself up.
I can't ship him out until I cure him of that.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
Will! Is that you? - Dr.
Smith, where are you? Over here! Now, now, you be careful! There's dangerous toys there! Very dangerous.
Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith! Will, I'm here! - Dr.
Smith.
- Help me, my boy.
Get me down.
Don't get too close! Stay away from him! He's a mean one! He bites.
That's Dr.
Smith.
He's the man I've been telling you about.
You won't bite anymore, will you, Dr.
Smith? Of course I won't bite.
I'll do anything.
Anything you like.
I'll be as placid as a lamb.
Only please, get me down.
Oh, all right, all right.
One more outburst from you, and I'll put you back up again.
Yes, you seem ready to ship.
Ship? Ship where? There's a planet in Andromeda where the children have a particular preference for animated toys.
But I'm too big to be a toy.
Oh, nonsense, nonsense.
You're just the right size.
The children there are 75 feet tall.
Oh, dear.
You can't ship out Dr.
Smith.
He's not a toy.
He's a man.
Can't you see that I am? Please, look at me, dear sir.
Can't you see that I'm real flesh and blood? Mm-hmm.
Yes, you do look a bit pale.
Your color must have faded.
I'll have to touch it up.
Yes, indeed I will.
Yes, I will indeed.
Indeed I will.
Gamma Green, Martian Mauve Orion Orange.
Oh, what did I do with my Radiant Red? Botheration! Oh, dear, we can't let him send me away.
Who would take care of you? We simply cannot allow it.
Do you know how we're gonna get out of here? - We'll go back the way we came.
- We can't.
The machine's broken.
But don't worry.
We'll get out of here someway.
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
[ Sobbing .]
And then Dr.
Smith started pushing buttons all at once.
There was a crack of electricity, and he just froze there.
I know how hard this must be on you, darling but it's absolutely necessary.
Did Will get through the machine the same way? Oh, it was terrible.
He was so upset about Dr.
Smith that he started doing the same thing.
- Pressing all the buttons at once? - Yes.
And then he just wasn't there anymore! It's going to be all right, darling.
I promise you that.
How about going to bed? All right, Dad.
I'll stay with her, just in case she needs me.
It might be a good idea.
Dad, we will be able to get them out, won't we? We'll get them out.
- The explosives ready? - Yeah, all set.
I wanna put them in the fissure tonight but I want you to wait until the last minute before setting them off.
- That should be around noon tomorrow.
- What are you going to do? We don't have any alternative.
Since we can't summon them out, I'm gonna take the Robot and go in after them.
All right, John.
Darling? Good luck.
Don't worry, darling.
We'll get them out.
It's very bad form to stare at people while they're eating.
Oh, it's marvelous.
Simply marvelous, that's what it is.
The children on Andromeda will be utterly delighted.
- They've never before had a toy that eats.
- Toy indeed.
I think we would like a drink now, if you please.
Oh, you drink too! That's excellent! Excellent! I'll be back in a moment.
- It's time for us to take our departure.
- I don't know, Dr.
Smith.
Mr.
O.
M.
doesn't seem so bad.
- I don't think he'd really ship us out.
- He's mad as a hatter.
But you may rely on me.
I have considerable experience in these things.
I will get you out.
Now, follow me.
[ Stammers .]
They've gone.
I've been far too trusting.
That's what I've been.
And when a man's trust has been betrayed there's only one thing left to do-- take drastic action.
You.
You're always wanting to chase somebody.
Mm-hmm.
Well, now-- Now I'm going to give you your chance! - After them! - [ Roaring .]
I'm going to have to do something about that roar.
It's much too noisy.
- [ Roaring Continues .]
- Don't stand there dawdling! After them! After them! After them! [ Roaring Continues .]
[ Gasps .]
- Dr.
Smith, do you know where you're going? - Of course I do.
Navigation has always been one of my strongest points.
- I've never been lost in my life.
- There's always a first time.
I mean, are you sure you know how we're gonna get out of here? Of course I do.
We shall proceed to the area where we first arrived and await rescue.
- They will certainly not leave us in here.
- I don't know.
- [ Gasps .]
- This doesn't seem like the right direction.
It's way too far.
Never fear, Smith is here.
I have not failed yet.
[ Sighs .]
- Dr.
Smith? - Yes? What is it? Do you hear a kind of shuffling noise? No.
No, I do not.
Must be your imagination.
- I think we'd better move on.
- In a moment, my boy.
I must do my breathing exercises first.
[ Inhaling, Exhaling .]
It's vital to keep the breathing regular.
It makes the nerves steady and prevents one from imagining things.
- Dr.
Smith, look out! - [ Roaring .]
Easy.
Now, keep it coming.
Okay, good.
Easy.
All the way down.
Go on.
More, more.
A little to your right.
All right.
Keep her coming.
Okay, tie her off.
- It's right in the middle of the fissure.
- Great.
- Well, it's your baby from now on.
- Right.
Now, let's get our signals straight.
We don't know what we're gonna find, so be ready for anything.
- Are you sure you need me to go along? - Yes.
We're gonna go in, find Smith and Will quickly, and get out.
Understood? - Yes, sir.
- All right.
Warning! Warning! Alien aircraft approaching! Put that thing away, sir.
Zumdish never conducts business under any threat of coercion.
- Business? - Of course.
There's no other reason why I would come to this desolate planet again.
As you know, my name is Zumdish and I represent the demolition department of the Celestial Department Stores.
- We met before.
- I do not have time for pleasantries.
This is the machine that is creating all the trouble, I take it? Does that machine belong to the Celestial Department Store? Precisely.
It's quite obsolete and should have been destroyed a long time ago.
But there are hundreds of them scattered around these planets.
It takes time to find them.
Two of our people were taken by that machine, and we intend getting them back.
Surely you can't hold the Celestial Department Stores responsible for that! No, indeed.
Some renegade is operating this machine and he's not on our payroll.
We're not holding you responsible.
Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going in there.
You mean, go into the machine? Unless you've got an easier way for us to get our people out.
I'm afraid that's quite impossible.
Out of the question.
My orders are to destroy this machine immediately.
Now, would you kindly step aside.
You question my authority? Don't go near that machine, Zumdish.
My dear sir, you have no idea how much trouble you are about to cause yourself.
Stand aside! P-P-P-P-P-Puh! Met with belligerence.
There.
That should do it.
Since you forced me into it I will be forced to confer with the head of the security division.
Ha! - [ Pop .]
- [ Pop .]
[ Sighs .]
I'm finished.
Done in.
I simply cannot move another step.
I should have followed my own instincts, not listened to you.
We've gotta keep moving.
Maybe we can find a place to hide.
Hide indeed! The very idea is anathema to me.
- Zachary Smith hides from nothing.
- [ Creature Roaring .]
- Aaaah! - Come on, Dr.
Smith! Oh, dear.
Oh-- - [ Shrieks .]
- [ Roaring Continues .]
This is the final indignity that I should meet my fate at the hands of a windup monster.
What are you doing? - [ People Shouting, Clamoring .]
- [ Bells Ringing .]
Dr.
Smith, look at this! What is it? [ Gasps .]
Good heavens! Is it really there? Is it what it seems to be? It's Earth, Dr.
Smith.
We've found a way back.
Oh, joy! Oh, bliss! William, do you see the lights? They're celebrating Christmas.
We've got to get out of here.
William, we'll break down the door.
Help me! - Quickly! - Right, Dr.
Smith.
This nail is rusty! - [ Creature Continues Roaring .]
- [ Shrieks .]
Stay away from us! Stay away! Careful, William, careful.
Stand him off.
Stand him off.
[ Roaring Fades .]
Here! Stop it! It is not polite to point at things and it's even more impolite to poke.
That's what you were doing.
He has feelings, you know, and he doesn't like to be poked.
Well, he was gonna hurt Dr.
Smith.
- He was on the point of doing me in.
- Oh, pish-tosh! He doesn't do anything that I don't tell him to do, and I did not tell him to hurt anybody.
Therefore-- Oh! Wh-What-- What-- What-- What are you doing here? Is that really Earth out there? Say that it is, my dear sir.
Say that it is.
It must certainly be.
Saturn has rings around it and doesn't look like that at all.
But it's only a little planet.
Much too congested.
You wouldn't like it at all.
That's where my family and I started from.
- That's home.
- Nonsense.
Nonsense.
Home is where you happen to be at the moment, and you happen to be here.
Therefore, this is home.
Besides, you were just wasting your time.
A toy cannot go through that door.
Here.
Take the big one back to the workshop.
And mind you don't damage his paint.
Oh, no, please, no, sir.
Spare me.
So near, and yet so far.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, please! - Please don't let him-- - [ Roaring .]
Aaah! Oh, don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! I'm really a charming man when you get to know me! Oh, dear! William! Help me! Help me! Oh, no, please! Don't let him-- You're a most peculiar toy.
- Do you promise? - Do I promise to do what? That is not the question.
The question is what you promise not to do.
Namely, not to run away anymore.
But even if you do promise, I can't believe you.
Toys are totally irresponsible.
- If you say so.
- And I do say so! I do indeed! Indeed I do! Now, let's be getting back.
There's lots to be done.
Come on.
Schedules, you know.
Busy, busy, busy! Schedules, you know.
Busy, busy, busy! Eh-eh-eh-eh! Nice.
Very nice.
Very natural.
Here.
Ah, that's better.
Very lifelike.
Mr.
O.
M.
, my dear sir, you're making a great mistake.
If you don't mind my saying so, of course I would fetch a much larger price if you were to send me to Earth.
Tut-tut and bosh! I do not charge for my products; therefore, I am not concerned with profits.
Besides, Earth children have far too many toys already.
That's why I closed down my outlet there.
Therefore, I'm sending you to Andromeda.
- Oh, you wouldn't! - Oh, yes, I would.
I've finished mopping the floor, sir.
Andromeda? Andromeda.
Misery, misery.
Well, then, you can clean off the workbench.
But there's no way to clean the workbench without getting the floor dirty again.
Well, then you can mop the floor again after you clean the workbench.
It's better to have too much work than too little.
Work is the best cure there is for unhappiness.
What's the matter? Oh, nothing.
It's none of my business.
If it's not your business, then it certainly must be mine.
- Speak up, speak up.
- He just doesn't look right.
- What's wrong with him? - It's his clothes.
I think children on Andromeda would like him much better if he were dressed like a clown.
A clown? - A clown.
- A clown! Yes! Splendid! Perfect! Perfect! A splendid idea! Yes! A wonderful idea! Simply marvelous! Marvelous! [ Chuckling .]
Yes.
Now-- There.
Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! Oh, the pain.
The pain of it all.
Now for the clown suit.
The clown suit is not here.
Therefore, it must be someplace else.
Yes, it must be someplace else.
It's no use, William.
I know what you're trying to do, but it won't work.
He'll just send that terrible monster out after us again.
Not if we can get the key.
Perhaps you'd better do it.
Your fingers are much more adept at this sort of thing.
[ Whistling .]
[ Roars .]
I got the key.
Let's go.
My fondest dream is about to be realized.
In 10 minutes, I shall be back on Earth.
[ Roaring .]
You'd better get going.
Time's running out.
Here.
Hold him off till we get back.
We'll make it as soon as we can.
Don't worry.
I've got a little surprise for him.
- All right, get into position.
- I do not feel well.
Repeat: Get into position! I really-- John, good luck.
Thank you.
He really leaves us no choice! Get him away from the machine.
If he resists, disintegrate him.
[ Pop .]
Call your man off, Zumdish.
Remote Control Detonator, Model A-99.
You certainly can't bluff me with a piece of equipment like that.
This is no bluff, Zumdish.
Another radioactive fissure.
I suppose you have explosives in it.
Enough to contaminate your spaceship if I push this plunger.
Primitive, primitive, primitive.
But effective.
Now call him off.
I can afford to play this foolish game with you for another 10 minutes and still meet my schedule.
But then, I'm afraid, I'm going to have to call your bluff.
[ Chuckles .]
Ten minutes.
Primitive.
[ Pop .]
[ Exhales .]
- Are you picking up any signals? - No, sir.
Stay close.
There's no telling what we'll run into.
Oh, and another thing-- Get him! Your warning circuits need an overhaul.
I am not programmed to warn against windup dangers.
Come on.
What an inspiring sight.
Earth, William.
Terra firma.
But we're not gonna get anywhere unless you help me with this.
- This board's stuck.
- Patience, my boy.
I'm thinking.
We need a clear-cut course of action once we get the door open.
And we must send help for your dear family, of course, in due time.
- ## [ Jazz .]
- William! Is that a small café I see on the other side of the square? Oh, yes, I do believe it is.
Lovely! I shall have a quite enormous steak smothered with mushrooms to bring me strength.
- Dr.
Smith.
- Oh, very well, my boy.
Stand aside.
- [ Roaring .]
- Aaah! [ Continues Roaring .]
- We took the key, didn't we? - Maybe Mr.
O.
M.
had another key.
What a terrible thought! Quickly! Quickly, William, quickly! Hurry! Get the boards off! Hurry! Hurry! - It won't budge.
- Pull! Oh, dear! Oh! Ah! There it is! Now this one! - [ Roaring Continues .]
- Aaah! Here he is! Stop him.
Stop him! - Get him.
Get him! - Oh, no! No! Please! No! Please, Mr.
O.
M.
Don't let the monster hurt Dr.
Smith.
All right, that's enough.
That's enough.
- Oh, spare me.
Spare me! - Take him away.
- Oh, dear! - [ Roaring .]
If there's anything I despise, it's a whiny toy.
You wanted to go through that door, but you didn't.
Why? I couldn't let the monster hurt Dr.
Smith.
He wanted to go through, but he didn't.
He could not have opened the door because only the pure of heart can open the door between the two dimensions.
And a toy has no heart.
But he did open it.
Therefore-- Therefore you must be a boy? Yes, sir.
I'm a boy.
A boy! A real boy! Indeed it is! It is indeed! My prayers have been answered.
Oh, there are great things in store for you here.
I'm going to teach you my craft.
You'll be my helper.
There are so many machines to attend to, and my eyes aren't as good as they once were.
No, sir, I can't stay.
I have to get back to my family and Dr.
Smith.
He will be shipped out immediately.
Make no mistake, boy.
This is my world, and what I say is going to happen does happen.
And I say that you are going to stay.
- [ Beeping .]
- Oh, botheration.
- What's that? - My alarm system.
Things are always getting out of order.
Toys moving around, intruders.
Who knows? What are you doing? I'm getting things stationary.
I like things to be stationary.
Well, I must have a look.
Come along.
I'll take you to your precious Dr.
Smith.
Come on, come on, come on.
Don't dawdle, don't dawdle.
Here, here, here.
[ Whistling .]
- What are you doing? - Whistling.
[ Robot .]
I do not like dark places.
Can you blast us out? [ O.
M.
Cackles .]
It's no use, it's no use.
You can't get out.
I'm a pretty good cage builder, if I have to say so myself.
Sturdy, sturdy, sturdy! - Who are you? - That is not the question.
Oh, my.
You're a very fine toy.
Where's your key? How do you wind up? I do not wind up, nor do I run down.
I am powered by solar cells.
Incredible.
A toy that does not have to be wound up.
Oh, I've been out of touch too long.
If you let us out of here I might arrange for you to get all the solar batteries you need.
Toys that would not run down? Oh, my.
How the children would love that.
Well, let us out of here and I'll discuss it with you.
These toys are marvelous.
What did you make them out of? Oh, flotsam and jetsam.
Things I had left over from the Celestial Department Store.
The Celestial Department Store? Yes, yes, yes, yes, when they retired me.
They retired you when you can do wonderful work like this? Say, uh how would you like to have your own workshop with everything in it? Oh, I'd like it.
Yes, I'd like it.
Well, I can't promise, but there's a very good chance.
Toys that would never run down.
How incredible.
You're not taking this machine, Zumdish.
I'm very sorry, but I've run out of time.
You can't! They're still in there! They will have a few minutes before the activator creates a vacuum.
Now step aside.
And then-- whoosh! [ Loud Rumbling .]
- [ Rumbling Ceases .]
- Warning! Warning! A vacuum activator has been placed on the machine! We've got to get out of here.
This whole place is about to be destroyed.
Vacuum activator? Destroyed? I don't understand.
[ Will .]
Dad! Son! [ Rumbling Resumes .]
- [ Rumbling Ceases .]
- Please, Mr.
O.
M.
, let them out.
- They won't hurt anything.
- Oh, this is all too confusing.
Much too con-- Oh, all right! All right.
I must go sit somewhere and think this out.
There's no time for that.
We've got to get out of here now.
But I can't leave here.
Where would I work? We'll get you another place, a bigger, nicer place.
With those things that keep the toys from running down? I'm sure that can be arranged if you just show us the way out.
That would be even better than having strong springs.
Yes, much better.
Yes, much.
[ Rumbling Resumes .]
[ Robot .]
The circuits do not compute! Here.
You.
Place your hands on the frame of the panel.
Place your hands on the frame.
That's it.
Here.
You.
You! Y-You're next! Place your hands on the frame! [ Frequencies Tuning .]
- Will! Turn it off! They're coming out! - It can't be turned off.
[ Gasps .]
Where's Robinson? You've got to get Robinson out.
In a minute.
All right, you go next.
Since next is also last, we'll have to go together.
Place your hands on the frame.
- Dad, are you all right? - Yes.
Go back to the ship and tell them we're back.
[ Pop .]
Gotta get our detonator back before he leaves.
- Who's that? - A very nice old man.
And our salvation, I think.
[ Humming, Volume Increasing .]
[ Humming, Volume Increasing .]
So, this has been one of the renegades who has been operating our outmoded machines.
Not one of the renegades-- the only one.
That man, Zumdish, operated all those machines.
And if it's caused a loss to the Celestial Department Store we'll be very glad to make it up out of profits.
Profits? What profits? Well, the man's an inventive genius.
[ Chuckles .]
We're gonna set up a factory here.
Uh, come here.
Give them a demonstration.
Make something.
You can, can't you? - I have some instant toys.
- Good, go ahead.
- I think.
- You think? Well, I always carry some with me somewhere.
Now, where did I-- wh-- where did I put them? I had them-- Oh! [ Chuckles .]
Here.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Beeping .]
He was in our machine, after all.
That gives the Celestial Department Stores exclusive rights to him.
No, sir, the Celestial Department Store gave up those rights when they retired him.
Retired him? We retired him? Nobody else did it, so you must have done it.
Somebody's head will roll for that.
You are a reasonable man, Professor Robinson.
You have nothing to give him.
We could supply him with his own department, all the workers he needs.
And cells that never run down? I must have cells that never run down.
Everything you need, my good man.
Full reinstatement.
[ Pop .]
Top salary.
How do you like that? Professor Robinson, you surely won't stand in his way.
Whatever's satisfactory to Mr.
O.
M.
is certainly all right with me.
- Well, then, everything is done.
- [ Both Laughing .]
My dear Mr.
O.
M.
there's no need to rush into anything.
You need the services of a good business manager.
May I offer mine? You.
Out.
Out! Come, our business is finished.
Let us go.
Not quite, Zumdish.
We want our detonator back.
Oh, that fissure business.
There's a simple way to stop that, you know.
We run into them all the time and have to be prepared.
Uh, it so happens I have a device in my ship that ordinarily sells for, uh-- Well, let's call this a free sample, huh? [ Chuckling .]
Lower away.
That's it.
Straight.
Right.
Down.
That's it.
That'll never work, Zumdish.
I don't know what shape that fissure is, but it's certainly not round.
That's our Model 512 Deluxe Plug.
It will conform itself to any shape opening.
There! There, that's it.
A perfect seal.
The vapor will dissipate in a day or two.
In case you wish to order another one remember the model number-- Remember that if you wish to reorder.
Deluxe.
[ Chuckling .]
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
[ Pop .]
Wrong again, Robinson.
That crazy plug is actually gonna work.
Smith, what I wouldn't give to have seen you strung up like a puppet.
That must have been quite a sight.
It was indeed a sight, Major.
I was a charming toy, so you may spare me your poisonous barbs.
They fall on deaf ears.
[ Both Laughing .]
Wait till you see this.
Oh, what a beautiful dress for my old doll.
- Happy birthday, Penny.
- Well, I'm glad you like it, dear.
- I can't wait to see what O.
M.
left for me.
- Well, open it.
- [ John .]
Uh-huh! - Oh! - [ Crash .]
- Oh! I guess it's like everything else he made.
But it's the thought that counts.
I think this is the best birthday I've ever had.
[ Robot .]
# Today is Penny's birthday Today is Penny's birthday # [ All Joining In .]
Today is Penny's birthday We wish you many more We wish you many more We wish you many more Today is Penny's birthday We wish you many more We wish you many more We wish you many more Today is Penny's birthday Today is Penny's birthday - # Today is Penny's birthday # - Oh, the pain.
- The pain.
- # We wish you many more # Today is Penny's birthday We wish you many more I never heard of using anything like that to make rain, Dr.
Smith.
Really, my dear boy, sometimes your ignorance of atmospheric chemistry is appalling.
Making rain is no more difficult than making light pastry, once you know the formula.
Formula for pastry: flour, water, shortening, and a light touch.
Formula for rain: nimbus clouds, low pressure, and a little bit of luck.
The odds are against you, Dr.
Smith.
Spare me the warnings, you jabbering Jeremiah and hand me the trisodium phosphorus.
There we are.
A little bit of this.
That should do it.
There we are.
You sure have a mean shake, Dr.
Smith.
If my calculations are correct, and I'm quite sure they are the trajectory of this missile will end in a pinpoint landing on a most promising mass of water vapor.
Then what'll happen? The missile will explode, causing instant condensation and a vigorous downpour of rain.
- We could sure use it.
- [ Robot .]
Warning! Warning! "Warning, warning," my foot.
What is it? Your calculations may not be accurate.
I suggest a thorough recheck, just to be on the safe side.
- Oh, fiddle-dee-fie.
- You'd better listen to him, Dr.
Smith.
Listen to a dippity dunce who doesn't know enough to get out of the rain? Indeed I will not.
Stand aside, my boy.
[ Whimpers .]
- Aaah! Ohh! - Careful, Dr.
Smith! [ Gasps .]
Oh, dear.
Never fear.
Smith is here.
Zachary Smith, the rainmaker.
Come on, my boy.
Ready on the left.
Ready on the right.
Ready on the firing line.
Oh, no! I think it's headed for the Jupiter! - Ridiculous.
- [ Robot .]
Will Robinson is correct.
Your calculations are snafu, Dr.
Smith.
Oh, dear.
It's going to hit the ship.
Everybody, behind those rocks! Quick! [ Missile Approaching .]
Last week, as you recall we left Will, Dr.
Smith and the Robot investigating an alien machine unaware that within its depths lurked an incredible array of monstrous mechanical toys.
Well.
Another of those interesting intergalactic mail-order catalogs.
How nice.
By pressing buttons and causing pictures to appear on the screen one can order anything one wants in the universe and have it appear immediately.
This one doesn't seem like it's in very good condition, Dr.
Smith.
Never mind appearances.
Just see if it works.
Warning! Warning! Hazardous area! Return at once, Will Robinson! The fissure you have crossed is filled with hyperatomic matter.
Silence, you cackling coward! The machine also is dangerous.
Nonsense.
Will is very good with machines.
Now, go ahead, William.
See if you can find a suitable present for your dear sister.
- Do you think she'd like that? - I'm sure she would.
Perhaps you should turn the gold knob.
Then we will have the vehicle in gold.
It's such a charming metal.
Turn it off! Something must have gone wrong.
Perhaps the hand of an expert is indicated.
Stand aside, my boy.
[ Robot .]
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
He who plays with fire will surely get-- Spare me the asinine axioms.
Be careful, Dr.
Smith.
The Robot said the fissure in this area was dangerous.
With Dr.
Smith, greed conquers all.
I'll attend to you later, you addlepated armor-bearer.
Now, let's see.
What shall I order? Money would be so nice, except for the fact that there's no place to spend it.
We're looking for something for Penny.
Remember? How could I forget that? But wouldn't it be wise to test the capacity of the machine by ordering something a little more substantial? I have it! I shall order myself a new coat.
The nights have been very chilly lately.
- [ Beeping .]
- Oh, dear! There must be a way to get something other than the toy department.
Or possibly that one.
I think all of them.
That should do it.
[ Will .]
Careful, Dr.
Smith.
Never fear, Smith is here.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
- Warning! Warning! - Silence, ninny! Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith! The machine's got Dr.
Smith! You gotta help me get him out! There is nothing we can do! Dr.
Smith is gone! Dr.
Smith! There we go.
- Can I help? - Yes, please.
Mom! - Where's Dad and Don? - Why? What's the matter? - I've gotta find them! - Well, they're not here right now.
You can't.
Something terrible's happened! I've gotta find them! - Now, wait a minute, Will.
- But, Mom-- Your dad and Don aren't here.
They went out looking for some sort of a fissure.
The seismograph indicated a dangerous one had opened somewhere in this area.
We found that.
It's not important now.
- And just what is so important? - Dr.
Smith's gone.
He pushed the wrong button on an old android machine and it kinda swallowed him up.
What? You know what Dad said about those alien machines.
He said-- Now, Penny, that'll do.
How did this happen? I issued all the required warnings.
However, if I protest too much Dr.
Smith removes my power pack and I become a complete write-off.
We've gotta do something.
Dr.
Smith could be in some other dimension.
Anything could happen to him.
All right, then, dear.
You wait here.
I'll try and find your father.
- Penny, keep an eye on your brother.
- I've just thought of something.
That machine's like a catalog people can order things from all over the galaxy.
- What's wrong with that? - Don't you get it? Now Dr.
Smith's part of that catalog.
Anybody could order him.
[ Laughs .]
How can you laugh when right now anybody could buy Dr.
Smith? I was bought.
Believe me, it is not a bad way to go.
Well, you're different.
You don't count.
You're just a machine.
Oh, I see.
I'm sorry, Robot.
I shouldn't have said that.
I'm sorry! Will, where are you going? Mom told me to keep an eye on you.
Then come along.
Then you can keep an eye on me.
Careful.
Be careful.
You'll fall into one of these.
Be careful.
Penny, you'd better stay here.
- Will, be careful.
- I'm just gonna turn it on.
There.
See? I just turned it on, that's all.
Will? Be careful.
I've gotta get Dr.
Smith's image on the panel.
That couldn't be Dr.
Smith, could it? Will, are you sure you know what you're doing? Maybe I'm not using the right combination.
Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong.
[ Clicking .]
Well, the count's increasing.
That fissure's gotta be around here someplace.
Setting is 2-8-5.
Holding steady.
Range still indeterminate.
John! Oh, thank heaven I found you.
Listen, something dreadful has happened.
Dr.
Smith has been trapped in an android machine.
What's so dreadful about that? That's about the best news I've heard in weeks.
Don, please, be serious.
Will is afraid that something awful might happen to him.
He was caught in one of those once before.
It didn't seem to do him any harm.
But this is different.
This is an old, abandoned machine.
Maureen, a lot of things are different this time.
We could be in a lot of trouble if we don't find this fissure soon.
I don't understand.
Well, from our readings, that fissure that opened last night has continued to widen.
If it reaches down to the core of this planet and the heat builds up it's liable to blow.
And we could blow with it.
We've got to find that fissure and seal it up.
Will found the fissure.
It's right by the android machine.
Well, where is he? - I left him back at the spaceship.
- Well, let's go.
- I left him back at the spaceship.
- Well, let's go.
Maybe I'm not pushing enough buttons at the same time.
Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong.
[ Robot .]
I suggest you leave it alone! The machine is becoming overheated! I'm just gonna do it once more.
That can't hurt anything.
- Warning! Warning! - I've gotta get Dr.
Smith out! [ Penny .]
Will! Penny! Warning! Warning! Do not go near that machine! Electrical explosion imminent! The machine has him too! Will is in the machine! No! Dr.
Smith? Golly, where am I? [ Shrieking .]
Dr.
Smith? Dr.
Smith, where are you? What-- Hey, let me loose! Let loose of me! Let me loose! That will do you no good at all, you know.
It'll do you no good.
Oh, you've done it.
You've certainly done it.
You've broken my machine, probably, and it was the only one on that planet.
I didn't break any machine.
- Of course you did.
- Look for yourself! Somebody must be to blame and since you're the only somebody here, then I blame you.
Well, you're mistaken, sir.
The machine grabbed me.
That's all I know.
Oh, pish-tosh, pish-tosh! Nobody gets in here.
So you must have been here all the while.
Which stockroom are you from? I'm not from any stockroom.
Oh, you're very drab.
Very drab, indeed.
Very drab.
But then, in my position I can't afford to be choosy.
I must take what I can get.
I imagine I could touch you up a bit, a little paint here and there.
- Do you bite? - Why, of course I don't bite! Which may or may not be true.
If you lie, you probably bite.
But if you do bite, I can always strike you with my cane.
It's always very effective.
Can you tell me where Dr.
Smith is? What kind of a place is this? I never heard of a place called Dr.
Smith.
And this place is here.
It can't be anywhere else; therefore, it must be here.
Now, come along.
Come along.
Come along.
And don't dawdle.
I don't like "somebodies" who dawdle.
Come along.
Well, that's the last of the burned-out tubes and wires.
Can you make anything out of this? The prognosis is poor.
The circuits are very primitive and the machine has been reprogrammed.
Rewiring will be necessary.
Can you tell us anything about where Will and Smith might be? This machine operates on a fourth-dimensional process.
It could be anywhere.
How long will it take to repair this machine? It is impossible to estimate at this time.
Even if we get it back together, we can't be sure it'll work the first time around.
- We won't get a second chance.
- Is it that bad? Yeah, that fissure's getting hotter by the minute.
At the outside, we've got 24 hours to seal it up.
And if we use a charge powerful enough to seal it up, it'll take this machine with it.
- Well, we're just gonna have to move it.
- That cannot be done.
To move this old machine would destroy it.
Well, that doesn't give us any choice then.
Somehow we're gonna have to get them out of there within 24 hours.
Come along then.
Come along.
Here, here, here.
Now, don't dawdle.
Don't dawdle.
Ordering, ordering, ordering.
Children all over ordering toys.
They do run the legs off me.
Indeed, they do.
They would pick one of those Constructo kits.
We ran out of those 50 years ago.
Where's that order coming from, sir? Oh, that machine is on a small planet near Orion.
There are plenty of children there.
- [ Beeping .]
- Be patient, be patient, be patient.
But that's not what they ordered.
Well, it's the best I can do.
I always do the best I can.
They'll just have to take what they can get.
All right, then, come along.
Come along, now, and don't dawdle.
What kind of toy are you? Do you have a name? My name's Will Robinson, sir, and I'm not a toy.
I'm a boy.
Oh, nonsense, nonsense.
There are no boys here.
Therefore, you can't be one.
And I've never heard of a Will Robinson.
Well, that's what I am-- I mean, who I am.
What's your name, sir? Oh, I've had lots of names.
When I was young, they called me "boy.
" Then later they called me "young man.
" In my prime, I was known as "sir.
" When they retired me from the department store, they called me "old man.
" I-I prefer "O.
M.
" - O.
M.
Yes, sir.
- Oh! Thank you! Thank you very much.
Well, we must be off now.
We must be going.
Come, come.
Don't dawdle.
Come along, come along.
Don't dawdle.
- What's that, Mr.
O.
M.
? - That is exactly what it seems to be.
Everything here is what it seems to be.
That is a windup monster and a very great nuisance.
He's always acting up, getting out of hand.
- [ Roaring .]
- Mr.
O.
M! Stop that! He's always trying to wind himself up.
I can't ship him out until I cure him of that.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
Will! Is that you? - Dr.
Smith, where are you? Over here! Now, now, you be careful! There's dangerous toys there! Very dangerous.
Dr.
Smith! Dr.
Smith! Will, I'm here! - Dr.
Smith.
- Help me, my boy.
Get me down.
Don't get too close! Stay away from him! He's a mean one! He bites.
That's Dr.
Smith.
He's the man I've been telling you about.
You won't bite anymore, will you, Dr.
Smith? Of course I won't bite.
I'll do anything.
Anything you like.
I'll be as placid as a lamb.
Only please, get me down.
Oh, all right, all right.
One more outburst from you, and I'll put you back up again.
Yes, you seem ready to ship.
Ship? Ship where? There's a planet in Andromeda where the children have a particular preference for animated toys.
But I'm too big to be a toy.
Oh, nonsense, nonsense.
You're just the right size.
The children there are 75 feet tall.
Oh, dear.
You can't ship out Dr.
Smith.
He's not a toy.
He's a man.
Can't you see that I am? Please, look at me, dear sir.
Can't you see that I'm real flesh and blood? Mm-hmm.
Yes, you do look a bit pale.
Your color must have faded.
I'll have to touch it up.
Yes, indeed I will.
Yes, I will indeed.
Indeed I will.
Gamma Green, Martian Mauve Orion Orange.
Oh, what did I do with my Radiant Red? Botheration! Oh, dear, we can't let him send me away.
Who would take care of you? We simply cannot allow it.
Do you know how we're gonna get out of here? - We'll go back the way we came.
- We can't.
The machine's broken.
But don't worry.
We'll get out of here someway.
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
[ Sobbing .]
And then Dr.
Smith started pushing buttons all at once.
There was a crack of electricity, and he just froze there.
I know how hard this must be on you, darling but it's absolutely necessary.
Did Will get through the machine the same way? Oh, it was terrible.
He was so upset about Dr.
Smith that he started doing the same thing.
- Pressing all the buttons at once? - Yes.
And then he just wasn't there anymore! It's going to be all right, darling.
I promise you that.
How about going to bed? All right, Dad.
I'll stay with her, just in case she needs me.
It might be a good idea.
Dad, we will be able to get them out, won't we? We'll get them out.
- The explosives ready? - Yeah, all set.
I wanna put them in the fissure tonight but I want you to wait until the last minute before setting them off.
- That should be around noon tomorrow.
- What are you going to do? We don't have any alternative.
Since we can't summon them out, I'm gonna take the Robot and go in after them.
All right, John.
Darling? Good luck.
Don't worry, darling.
We'll get them out.
It's very bad form to stare at people while they're eating.
Oh, it's marvelous.
Simply marvelous, that's what it is.
The children on Andromeda will be utterly delighted.
- They've never before had a toy that eats.
- Toy indeed.
I think we would like a drink now, if you please.
Oh, you drink too! That's excellent! Excellent! I'll be back in a moment.
- It's time for us to take our departure.
- I don't know, Dr.
Smith.
Mr.
O.
M.
doesn't seem so bad.
- I don't think he'd really ship us out.
- He's mad as a hatter.
But you may rely on me.
I have considerable experience in these things.
I will get you out.
Now, follow me.
[ Stammers .]
They've gone.
I've been far too trusting.
That's what I've been.
And when a man's trust has been betrayed there's only one thing left to do-- take drastic action.
You.
You're always wanting to chase somebody.
Mm-hmm.
Well, now-- Now I'm going to give you your chance! - After them! - [ Roaring .]
I'm going to have to do something about that roar.
It's much too noisy.
- [ Roaring Continues .]
- Don't stand there dawdling! After them! After them! After them! [ Roaring Continues .]
[ Gasps .]
- Dr.
Smith, do you know where you're going? - Of course I do.
Navigation has always been one of my strongest points.
- I've never been lost in my life.
- There's always a first time.
I mean, are you sure you know how we're gonna get out of here? Of course I do.
We shall proceed to the area where we first arrived and await rescue.
- They will certainly not leave us in here.
- I don't know.
- [ Gasps .]
- This doesn't seem like the right direction.
It's way too far.
Never fear, Smith is here.
I have not failed yet.
[ Sighs .]
- Dr.
Smith? - Yes? What is it? Do you hear a kind of shuffling noise? No.
No, I do not.
Must be your imagination.
- I think we'd better move on.
- In a moment, my boy.
I must do my breathing exercises first.
[ Inhaling, Exhaling .]
It's vital to keep the breathing regular.
It makes the nerves steady and prevents one from imagining things.
- Dr.
Smith, look out! - [ Roaring .]
Easy.
Now, keep it coming.
Okay, good.
Easy.
All the way down.
Go on.
More, more.
A little to your right.
All right.
Keep her coming.
Okay, tie her off.
- It's right in the middle of the fissure.
- Great.
- Well, it's your baby from now on.
- Right.
Now, let's get our signals straight.
We don't know what we're gonna find, so be ready for anything.
- Are you sure you need me to go along? - Yes.
We're gonna go in, find Smith and Will quickly, and get out.
Understood? - Yes, sir.
- All right.
Warning! Warning! Alien aircraft approaching! Put that thing away, sir.
Zumdish never conducts business under any threat of coercion.
- Business? - Of course.
There's no other reason why I would come to this desolate planet again.
As you know, my name is Zumdish and I represent the demolition department of the Celestial Department Stores.
- We met before.
- I do not have time for pleasantries.
This is the machine that is creating all the trouble, I take it? Does that machine belong to the Celestial Department Store? Precisely.
It's quite obsolete and should have been destroyed a long time ago.
But there are hundreds of them scattered around these planets.
It takes time to find them.
Two of our people were taken by that machine, and we intend getting them back.
Surely you can't hold the Celestial Department Stores responsible for that! No, indeed.
Some renegade is operating this machine and he's not on our payroll.
We're not holding you responsible.
Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going in there.
You mean, go into the machine? Unless you've got an easier way for us to get our people out.
I'm afraid that's quite impossible.
Out of the question.
My orders are to destroy this machine immediately.
Now, would you kindly step aside.
You question my authority? Don't go near that machine, Zumdish.
My dear sir, you have no idea how much trouble you are about to cause yourself.
Stand aside! P-P-P-P-P-Puh! Met with belligerence.
There.
That should do it.
Since you forced me into it I will be forced to confer with the head of the security division.
Ha! - [ Pop .]
- [ Pop .]
[ Sighs .]
I'm finished.
Done in.
I simply cannot move another step.
I should have followed my own instincts, not listened to you.
We've gotta keep moving.
Maybe we can find a place to hide.
Hide indeed! The very idea is anathema to me.
- Zachary Smith hides from nothing.
- [ Creature Roaring .]
- Aaaah! - Come on, Dr.
Smith! Oh, dear.
Oh-- - [ Shrieks .]
- [ Roaring Continues .]
This is the final indignity that I should meet my fate at the hands of a windup monster.
What are you doing? - [ People Shouting, Clamoring .]
- [ Bells Ringing .]
Dr.
Smith, look at this! What is it? [ Gasps .]
Good heavens! Is it really there? Is it what it seems to be? It's Earth, Dr.
Smith.
We've found a way back.
Oh, joy! Oh, bliss! William, do you see the lights? They're celebrating Christmas.
We've got to get out of here.
William, we'll break down the door.
Help me! - Quickly! - Right, Dr.
Smith.
This nail is rusty! - [ Creature Continues Roaring .]
- [ Shrieks .]
Stay away from us! Stay away! Careful, William, careful.
Stand him off.
Stand him off.
[ Roaring Fades .]
Here! Stop it! It is not polite to point at things and it's even more impolite to poke.
That's what you were doing.
He has feelings, you know, and he doesn't like to be poked.
Well, he was gonna hurt Dr.
Smith.
- He was on the point of doing me in.
- Oh, pish-tosh! He doesn't do anything that I don't tell him to do, and I did not tell him to hurt anybody.
Therefore-- Oh! Wh-What-- What-- What-- What are you doing here? Is that really Earth out there? Say that it is, my dear sir.
Say that it is.
It must certainly be.
Saturn has rings around it and doesn't look like that at all.
But it's only a little planet.
Much too congested.
You wouldn't like it at all.
That's where my family and I started from.
- That's home.
- Nonsense.
Nonsense.
Home is where you happen to be at the moment, and you happen to be here.
Therefore, this is home.
Besides, you were just wasting your time.
A toy cannot go through that door.
Here.
Take the big one back to the workshop.
And mind you don't damage his paint.
Oh, no, please, no, sir.
Spare me.
So near, and yet so far.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, please! - Please don't let him-- - [ Roaring .]
Aaah! Oh, don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! I'm really a charming man when you get to know me! Oh, dear! William! Help me! Help me! Oh, no, please! Don't let him-- You're a most peculiar toy.
- Do you promise? - Do I promise to do what? That is not the question.
The question is what you promise not to do.
Namely, not to run away anymore.
But even if you do promise, I can't believe you.
Toys are totally irresponsible.
- If you say so.
- And I do say so! I do indeed! Indeed I do! Now, let's be getting back.
There's lots to be done.
Come on.
Schedules, you know.
Busy, busy, busy! Schedules, you know.
Busy, busy, busy! Eh-eh-eh-eh! Nice.
Very nice.
Very natural.
Here.
Ah, that's better.
Very lifelike.
Mr.
O.
M.
, my dear sir, you're making a great mistake.
If you don't mind my saying so, of course I would fetch a much larger price if you were to send me to Earth.
Tut-tut and bosh! I do not charge for my products; therefore, I am not concerned with profits.
Besides, Earth children have far too many toys already.
That's why I closed down my outlet there.
Therefore, I'm sending you to Andromeda.
- Oh, you wouldn't! - Oh, yes, I would.
I've finished mopping the floor, sir.
Andromeda? Andromeda.
Misery, misery.
Well, then, you can clean off the workbench.
But there's no way to clean the workbench without getting the floor dirty again.
Well, then you can mop the floor again after you clean the workbench.
It's better to have too much work than too little.
Work is the best cure there is for unhappiness.
What's the matter? Oh, nothing.
It's none of my business.
If it's not your business, then it certainly must be mine.
- Speak up, speak up.
- He just doesn't look right.
- What's wrong with him? - It's his clothes.
I think children on Andromeda would like him much better if he were dressed like a clown.
A clown? - A clown.
- A clown! Yes! Splendid! Perfect! Perfect! A splendid idea! Yes! A wonderful idea! Simply marvelous! Marvelous! [ Chuckling .]
Yes.
Now-- There.
Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! Oh, the pain.
The pain of it all.
Now for the clown suit.
The clown suit is not here.
Therefore, it must be someplace else.
Yes, it must be someplace else.
It's no use, William.
I know what you're trying to do, but it won't work.
He'll just send that terrible monster out after us again.
Not if we can get the key.
Perhaps you'd better do it.
Your fingers are much more adept at this sort of thing.
[ Whistling .]
[ Roars .]
I got the key.
Let's go.
My fondest dream is about to be realized.
In 10 minutes, I shall be back on Earth.
[ Roaring .]
You'd better get going.
Time's running out.
Here.
Hold him off till we get back.
We'll make it as soon as we can.
Don't worry.
I've got a little surprise for him.
- All right, get into position.
- I do not feel well.
Repeat: Get into position! I really-- John, good luck.
Thank you.
He really leaves us no choice! Get him away from the machine.
If he resists, disintegrate him.
[ Pop .]
Call your man off, Zumdish.
Remote Control Detonator, Model A-99.
You certainly can't bluff me with a piece of equipment like that.
This is no bluff, Zumdish.
Another radioactive fissure.
I suppose you have explosives in it.
Enough to contaminate your spaceship if I push this plunger.
Primitive, primitive, primitive.
But effective.
Now call him off.
I can afford to play this foolish game with you for another 10 minutes and still meet my schedule.
But then, I'm afraid, I'm going to have to call your bluff.
[ Chuckles .]
Ten minutes.
Primitive.
[ Pop .]
[ Exhales .]
- Are you picking up any signals? - No, sir.
Stay close.
There's no telling what we'll run into.
Oh, and another thing-- Get him! Your warning circuits need an overhaul.
I am not programmed to warn against windup dangers.
Come on.
What an inspiring sight.
Earth, William.
Terra firma.
But we're not gonna get anywhere unless you help me with this.
- This board's stuck.
- Patience, my boy.
I'm thinking.
We need a clear-cut course of action once we get the door open.
And we must send help for your dear family, of course, in due time.
- ## [ Jazz .]
- William! Is that a small café I see on the other side of the square? Oh, yes, I do believe it is.
Lovely! I shall have a quite enormous steak smothered with mushrooms to bring me strength.
- Dr.
Smith.
- Oh, very well, my boy.
Stand aside.
- [ Roaring .]
- Aaah! [ Continues Roaring .]
- We took the key, didn't we? - Maybe Mr.
O.
M.
had another key.
What a terrible thought! Quickly! Quickly, William, quickly! Hurry! Get the boards off! Hurry! Hurry! - It won't budge.
- Pull! Oh, dear! Oh! Ah! There it is! Now this one! - [ Roaring Continues .]
- Aaah! Here he is! Stop him.
Stop him! - Get him.
Get him! - Oh, no! No! Please! No! Please, Mr.
O.
M.
Don't let the monster hurt Dr.
Smith.
All right, that's enough.
That's enough.
- Oh, spare me.
Spare me! - Take him away.
- Oh, dear! - [ Roaring .]
If there's anything I despise, it's a whiny toy.
You wanted to go through that door, but you didn't.
Why? I couldn't let the monster hurt Dr.
Smith.
He wanted to go through, but he didn't.
He could not have opened the door because only the pure of heart can open the door between the two dimensions.
And a toy has no heart.
But he did open it.
Therefore-- Therefore you must be a boy? Yes, sir.
I'm a boy.
A boy! A real boy! Indeed it is! It is indeed! My prayers have been answered.
Oh, there are great things in store for you here.
I'm going to teach you my craft.
You'll be my helper.
There are so many machines to attend to, and my eyes aren't as good as they once were.
No, sir, I can't stay.
I have to get back to my family and Dr.
Smith.
He will be shipped out immediately.
Make no mistake, boy.
This is my world, and what I say is going to happen does happen.
And I say that you are going to stay.
- [ Beeping .]
- Oh, botheration.
- What's that? - My alarm system.
Things are always getting out of order.
Toys moving around, intruders.
Who knows? What are you doing? I'm getting things stationary.
I like things to be stationary.
Well, I must have a look.
Come along.
I'll take you to your precious Dr.
Smith.
Come on, come on, come on.
Don't dawdle, don't dawdle.
Here, here, here.
[ Whistling .]
- What are you doing? - Whistling.
[ Robot .]
I do not like dark places.
Can you blast us out? [ O.
M.
Cackles .]
It's no use, it's no use.
You can't get out.
I'm a pretty good cage builder, if I have to say so myself.
Sturdy, sturdy, sturdy! - Who are you? - That is not the question.
Oh, my.
You're a very fine toy.
Where's your key? How do you wind up? I do not wind up, nor do I run down.
I am powered by solar cells.
Incredible.
A toy that does not have to be wound up.
Oh, I've been out of touch too long.
If you let us out of here I might arrange for you to get all the solar batteries you need.
Toys that would not run down? Oh, my.
How the children would love that.
Well, let us out of here and I'll discuss it with you.
These toys are marvelous.
What did you make them out of? Oh, flotsam and jetsam.
Things I had left over from the Celestial Department Store.
The Celestial Department Store? Yes, yes, yes, yes, when they retired me.
They retired you when you can do wonderful work like this? Say, uh how would you like to have your own workshop with everything in it? Oh, I'd like it.
Yes, I'd like it.
Well, I can't promise, but there's a very good chance.
Toys that would never run down.
How incredible.
You're not taking this machine, Zumdish.
I'm very sorry, but I've run out of time.
You can't! They're still in there! They will have a few minutes before the activator creates a vacuum.
Now step aside.
And then-- whoosh! [ Loud Rumbling .]
- [ Rumbling Ceases .]
- Warning! Warning! A vacuum activator has been placed on the machine! We've got to get out of here.
This whole place is about to be destroyed.
Vacuum activator? Destroyed? I don't understand.
[ Will .]
Dad! Son! [ Rumbling Resumes .]
- [ Rumbling Ceases .]
- Please, Mr.
O.
M.
, let them out.
- They won't hurt anything.
- Oh, this is all too confusing.
Much too con-- Oh, all right! All right.
I must go sit somewhere and think this out.
There's no time for that.
We've got to get out of here now.
But I can't leave here.
Where would I work? We'll get you another place, a bigger, nicer place.
With those things that keep the toys from running down? I'm sure that can be arranged if you just show us the way out.
That would be even better than having strong springs.
Yes, much better.
Yes, much.
[ Rumbling Resumes .]
[ Robot .]
The circuits do not compute! Here.
You.
Place your hands on the frame of the panel.
Place your hands on the frame.
That's it.
Here.
You.
You! Y-You're next! Place your hands on the frame! [ Frequencies Tuning .]
- Will! Turn it off! They're coming out! - It can't be turned off.
[ Gasps .]
Where's Robinson? You've got to get Robinson out.
In a minute.
All right, you go next.
Since next is also last, we'll have to go together.
Place your hands on the frame.
- Dad, are you all right? - Yes.
Go back to the ship and tell them we're back.
[ Pop .]
Gotta get our detonator back before he leaves.
- Who's that? - A very nice old man.
And our salvation, I think.
[ Humming, Volume Increasing .]
[ Humming, Volume Increasing .]
So, this has been one of the renegades who has been operating our outmoded machines.
Not one of the renegades-- the only one.
That man, Zumdish, operated all those machines.
And if it's caused a loss to the Celestial Department Store we'll be very glad to make it up out of profits.
Profits? What profits? Well, the man's an inventive genius.
[ Chuckles .]
We're gonna set up a factory here.
Uh, come here.
Give them a demonstration.
Make something.
You can, can't you? - I have some instant toys.
- Good, go ahead.
- I think.
- You think? Well, I always carry some with me somewhere.
Now, where did I-- wh-- where did I put them? I had them-- Oh! [ Chuckles .]
Here.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Beeping .]
He was in our machine, after all.
That gives the Celestial Department Stores exclusive rights to him.
No, sir, the Celestial Department Store gave up those rights when they retired him.
Retired him? We retired him? Nobody else did it, so you must have done it.
Somebody's head will roll for that.
You are a reasonable man, Professor Robinson.
You have nothing to give him.
We could supply him with his own department, all the workers he needs.
And cells that never run down? I must have cells that never run down.
Everything you need, my good man.
Full reinstatement.
[ Pop .]
Top salary.
How do you like that? Professor Robinson, you surely won't stand in his way.
Whatever's satisfactory to Mr.
O.
M.
is certainly all right with me.
- Well, then, everything is done.
- [ Both Laughing .]
My dear Mr.
O.
M.
there's no need to rush into anything.
You need the services of a good business manager.
May I offer mine? You.
Out.
Out! Come, our business is finished.
Let us go.
Not quite, Zumdish.
We want our detonator back.
Oh, that fissure business.
There's a simple way to stop that, you know.
We run into them all the time and have to be prepared.
Uh, it so happens I have a device in my ship that ordinarily sells for, uh-- Well, let's call this a free sample, huh? [ Chuckling .]
Lower away.
That's it.
Straight.
Right.
Down.
That's it.
That'll never work, Zumdish.
I don't know what shape that fissure is, but it's certainly not round.
That's our Model 512 Deluxe Plug.
It will conform itself to any shape opening.
There! There, that's it.
A perfect seal.
The vapor will dissipate in a day or two.
In case you wish to order another one remember the model number-- Remember that if you wish to reorder.
Deluxe.
[ Chuckling .]
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
[ Pop .]
Wrong again, Robinson.
That crazy plug is actually gonna work.
Smith, what I wouldn't give to have seen you strung up like a puppet.
That must have been quite a sight.
It was indeed a sight, Major.
I was a charming toy, so you may spare me your poisonous barbs.
They fall on deaf ears.
[ Both Laughing .]
Wait till you see this.
Oh, what a beautiful dress for my old doll.
- Happy birthday, Penny.
- Well, I'm glad you like it, dear.
- I can't wait to see what O.
M.
left for me.
- Well, open it.
- [ John .]
Uh-huh! - Oh! - [ Crash .]
- Oh! I guess it's like everything else he made.
But it's the thought that counts.
I think this is the best birthday I've ever had.
[ Robot .]
# Today is Penny's birthday Today is Penny's birthday # [ All Joining In .]
Today is Penny's birthday We wish you many more We wish you many more We wish you many more Today is Penny's birthday We wish you many more We wish you many more We wish you many more Today is Penny's birthday Today is Penny's birthday - # Today is Penny's birthday # - Oh, the pain.
- The pain.
- # We wish you many more # Today is Penny's birthday We wish you many more I never heard of using anything like that to make rain, Dr.
Smith.
Really, my dear boy, sometimes your ignorance of atmospheric chemistry is appalling.
Making rain is no more difficult than making light pastry, once you know the formula.
Formula for pastry: flour, water, shortening, and a light touch.
Formula for rain: nimbus clouds, low pressure, and a little bit of luck.
The odds are against you, Dr.
Smith.
Spare me the warnings, you jabbering Jeremiah and hand me the trisodium phosphorus.
There we are.
A little bit of this.
That should do it.
There we are.
You sure have a mean shake, Dr.
Smith.
If my calculations are correct, and I'm quite sure they are the trajectory of this missile will end in a pinpoint landing on a most promising mass of water vapor.
Then what'll happen? The missile will explode, causing instant condensation and a vigorous downpour of rain.
- We could sure use it.
- [ Robot .]
Warning! Warning! "Warning, warning," my foot.
What is it? Your calculations may not be accurate.
I suggest a thorough recheck, just to be on the safe side.
- Oh, fiddle-dee-fie.
- You'd better listen to him, Dr.
Smith.
Listen to a dippity dunce who doesn't know enough to get out of the rain? Indeed I will not.
Stand aside, my boy.
[ Whimpers .]
- Aaah! Ohh! - Careful, Dr.
Smith! [ Gasps .]
Oh, dear.
Never fear.
Smith is here.
Zachary Smith, the rainmaker.
Come on, my boy.
Ready on the left.
Ready on the right.
Ready on the firing line.
Oh, no! I think it's headed for the Jupiter! - Ridiculous.
- [ Robot .]
Will Robinson is correct.
Your calculations are snafu, Dr.
Smith.
Oh, dear.
It's going to hit the ship.
Everybody, behind those rocks! Quick! [ Missile Approaching .]