Remington Steele (1982) s02e18 Episode Script

Now listen, blondie, and listen well.
Stay away from Mrs.
Dumont.
You paid blackmail with a personal check? He wanted $10,000.
Are you sure you didn't give him anything? This town is a veritable Peyton Place.
If the police charge your wife with murder how many checks do you think you can write? As many as it takes, Miss Holt.
I think you'll find yours extremely generous.
Stop, thief! Yeah? Oh.
Stop it.
Stop it! Leave me alone.
You're insane.
You should be locked up.
For over 20 years I've been a faithful, devoted wife.
Sometimes I think that's all I've ever been- "Mrs.
Charles Dumont, the oil magnate's wife.
" If I so much as thought of making love with another man I told myself I was hallucinating.
- What changed that, Mrs.
Dumont? - Time.
Too many years.
Too many hours.
Loneliness.
I wanted to be touched by somebody other than my masseuse.
And that someone? Walter Muller.
Ayoung auto mechanic.
He makes house calls in Rancho Santa Luisa, servicing our cars.
- It- It was an arrangement.
- Go on, Mrs.
Dumont.
He-He charged me for work he didn't do.
You know, tune-ups, carburetors, that sort of thing.
And then, two weeks ago, he told me he needed $10,000 for new equipment.
- Blackmail.
- Exactly.
- I wouldn't pay him.
- That took courage.
Well, somehow, it offended me more to pay a blackmailer than to pay a lover.
Unfortunately, Muller's come up with a rather imaginative form of persuasion.
"The Swinger's StreetJournal.
The true wealth of the senses.
" The classified ads on the back- that circled item? Ah.
That's me! Emily Dumont, with my unlisted phone number and a description of me and my specialties.
As a result, every pervert and sex maniac in the dialing area has given "Flaming Emily" a jingle.
- Have you thought of changing your telephone number? - Oh, yes.
Yes, of course, but my husband would want to know why.
- Does he know about this? - No.
And right this moment, he's at the White House in Washington, lunching there but he's due back in Santa Luisa this evening for a cocktail party he's insisting we give.
This Muller seems very determined.
I hope you can prove he's behind this harassment and I want you to put a stop to it.
Miss Holt, Mr.
Steele, I made a mistake.
Just one.
I regret it.
I wouldn't do it again.
But I live in a world where you can pay for that kind of mistake forever.
Hmm.
Fascinating.
Hmm.
Extraordinary.
How long are you going to linger over that catalog of curves and kinks? - I'm researching the case.
- Do you always smack your lips when you research? I'm marveling at the, uh the, uh, creativity of the human animal.
Animal? Yes.
Creative? I don't know.
Why is it so amazing that the world is filled with twisted, lonely people? If some of the people in here can provide what they promise they won't be lonely for long.
Mr.
Steele, I don't mean to ground your flight of fancy- and I'm sure it's very fancy- but could we take a moment to discuss our M.
O.
on this case? Precisely my agenda, Laura.
I suggest that once we reach Rancho Santa Luisa you shield Mrs.
Dumont from further harassment while I nail young Muller for this shabby and tawdry business.
How do you plan to do that? Don't these filthy rags guarantee their clients confidentiality? I intend to beat the publisher at his own game.
Careful.
Among that sort, beating may be considered foreplay.
Oh, Laura.
Huh.
Yes.
Does it tell you something about this community that every other office is a stockbroker's? Yes.
I think our friend publisher should be around the next corner.
Stockbroker here, porno shop there.
Work hard, play hard.
High-class clientele.
Mm-hmm.
High-class community.
Don't get lost in your work.
Gentlemen, pray continue with your activities.
Excuse me.
Ah.
Mr.
Ferschuver? Lord Marchmain.
What are you, a wrestler? Only with great ideas.
Excellent restraints and leathers, Mr.
Ferschuver.
What can I do for you, Lord? - I, sir, am an author.
- Don't need no author.
I don't need a writer.
I do the whole damn paper myself.
Remarkable, but I require neither employment nor a publisher.
I've already sold my book- The Sexual Exploits of an English Nobleman.
English noblemen are out of date.
That's last year's filth.
Hmm.
I intend to eliminate the middleman and sell my book directly to its special, uh, constituency.
Therefore, I'm prepared to offer you a handsome fee for your list of classified advertisers in your magnificently prurient publication.
A thousand dollars and five percent of the profits on the book.
My advertisers count on me to protect them, Lord.
It's a sacred oath-you know, like a doc and his patients.
I can see you're a straight arrow, Mr.
Ferschuver.
What would you say to 10%? It's 10% of zip, Lord.
Book ain't gonna sell.
Yes, well, before you decide, Mr.
Ferschuver, just have a glance at this, I pray.
A glance.
This paragraph, for instance.
My Lord, that's disgusting.
Thank you.
I did attempt to reach the heights of depravity with that one.
- Do you think it has a chance? - It's gold.
I've worked with some of the biggest talents in this business- Countess Perverse, Jack Lance- you dwarf'em, Marchmain.
You dwarf'em.
- I do? - Fifteen percent? Twelve and a half.
Dumont residence.
No.
No, you have the wrong number.
There is no Emily here.
No.
I'm not interested either.
Dumont Residence.
I've told people you're a Vassar alumna.
I'm on the board of trustees.
This is my social secretary, Miss Hopkins.
She's been an absolute pillar through this whole mess.
Mrs.
Dumont, I've enjoyed working for you but I can't stand this sudden rush of activity.
- I can't answer one more time.
- Dumont residence.
I have such a headache.
- Miss Hopkins? - Madre de Dios.
! The world is ending! Señora Dumont- for this you make me learn English? I go back to Bolivia.
Ofelia! Hello.
Oh.
Oh! Sounds like fun, but I can't.
Mother is here.
Oh, yes.
Him again.
I think his name is Big Al.
I'm very busy tonight.
Mother's here.
Bring her along? If only my husband's plane were hijacked or something.
No such luck.
It's him.
No more ringing.
I've disconnected it.
Nice try, but it won't work.
The first thing he'll do after complaining about another houseguest from Vassar is go straight to the phone.
Hi, dear.
How was Washington? Darling, this is Miss Holt.
- From Vassar? - Yes.
- At least this one's pretty.
- Charles! Phone's disconnected.
No wonder I couldn't reach you.
Who is this? What? That must be for me- my fiancé.
Your fiancé's got a filthy mouth.
Yes, dear? Uh- I'll call you tomorrow.
Well, then you call me.
It's not convenient now.
I'm not available.
I gave that school $100,000.
What are they teaching them these days? Times change.
I gotta callJakarta by 4:00.
No.
No, flatly, no.
I gotta run now.
Bye.
Hello.
It's for you.
Hello.
- Walter Muller? - Sorry.
4:00 appointment.
"Never Late Muller.
" I'm a private investigator.
I'm sure you recognize this.
Gott in Himmel.
! Schmutzig.
! - Never see this before.
- Your English is very good.
- You are too kind.
- Yeah.
But your German's lousy, mate.
Now listen, blondie, and listen well because I'm only gonna say this once.
- Stay away from Mrs.
Dumont.
- Stay away from who? I know you placed this ad in the paper.
I can prove it.
You make one more dirty little move around her and I'll have the police on you so fast you'll wish you were in Stuttgart.
You're on private property.
You got a warrant, do something.
If not, get out.
Well, I hope you have a good memory, because I do.
If any of these people knew about "Flaming Emily" I'd be gossip fodder for the next We'll see that they don't find out.
You and Mr.
Steele are such a blessing.
You know, my life wasn't always like this.
There was a time when Charles and I were as close as- Come.
Meet the neighbors.
Jimmy? I'd like you to meet Laura Holt.
- This is Jimmy and Sandra Casson.
- Hello.
Hi.
We live in the Spanish colonial across the stream.
"Happiness Hacienda.
" - ¿Sí, big señor? - Sí, sí, peqeña señora.
Emily.
! - Oh, hello, Tommy.
- Tommy Montague.
- The helicopter man.
- Mm-hmm.
And my better half, Anne.
- Oh, Tommy's too modest.
- Mmm.
Excuse us, Anne, Tommy.
Doug Marcus is here.
May I introduce Phil and Betsy Lindner? Hi.
The big traditional right up the stream.
You must be the young lady from Vassar.
Ah.
Urgent call.
Terribly sorry.
- School business.
- Good old Vassar.
If these calls start again, I'm gonna fall apart.
Why don't you go get some air, Mrs.
Dumont? I'll handle this.
Ah.
Good idea.
Thank you.
Now listen.
I've had all the disgusting propositions I'm going to- Laura, I haven't made you a disgusting proposition in ages.
Sorry.
This phone's become an instrument of the devil.
How did you do with Muller? It seems I've lost my knack of terrorizing people.
I think we're gonna have to take a different tack with him.
You mean we're in for more exotic experiences? They may be beginning already.
Call me back.
- Good night, sir.
- Good night.
I've managed to tell my husband everything.
- How did he take it? - Badly.
I hurt him.
I don't ever want to hurt anyone like that again.
Mrs.
Dumont, Miss Holt found this Mercedes key clutched in Muller's hand.
Aren't you two taking a terrible professional risk? What's it called? Uh, withholding evidence? Let's call that "mislaying.
" Milder penalty.
Hmm? Yes, but you wouldn't do that unless you thought I was in serious trouble, huh? Now that Muller's dead, there's nothing more for you two to do.
Mr.
Dumont, we can't be sure that Muller was the only one involved in the blackmail.
I'll deal with any other blackmailers.
The fact that Muller was blackmailing your wife gives her a prime motive for killing him.
As of now, the police are saying his death was an accident.
An autopsy might change their minds.
I'll deal with that situation too, in my own way.
Charles, I don't want to go to prison for a murder I didn't commit.
- You're overwrought.
- Overwrought? - How much do we owe these people? - Oh! Mr.
Dumont, if the police charge your wife with murder how many checks do you think you can write? As many as it takes, Miss Holt.
I think you'll find yours extremely generous.
So good night.
Yes.
Let's go to Muller's, find out who his last customer was.
In case you hadn't noticed, Laura, we've been relieved of our duties.
Not by Mrs.
Dumont.
As far as I'm concerned, she's still our client.
Aah! Normally I approve of the theatrical gesture but that one's a trifle extravagant, wouldn't you agree? - It's a matter of principle.
- Never let principle interfere with money.
We'll go to Muller's, and to that extent I'll be seduced by your principles.
Would you really have cashed that check and gone home, or is the question academic? Oh, Laura, you're giving me a freebie.
- I can be a high-minded fellow at hardly any cost.
- Imagine that- Seduced twice, and by the same principles.
I believe it's called double jeopardy.
- What is it? - I was just thinking of Mrs.
Dumont.
She's so vulnerable.
She'll probably be pacing the floors all night while all her friends sleep soundly in their mansions.
You paid blackmail with a personal check? I wasn't- Oh! I wasn't thinking.
Betsy, what if some bank clerk happened to notice the signature on the check? - Buy him off! - If he showed it around- - Buy everyone off.
- If they made copies.
Buy the bank.
He wanted $10,000.
I had to give him something.
- What did you give him? - Don't yell at me.
I just gave him my bracelet- the one with diamonds and rubies.
Sandra, I paid 24,000 for that bracelet.
Don't you realize they can trace jewelry? Jimmy.
I'll play the closet game with you if you'd like.
I don't think the closet game will work tonight.
Anne, are you sure you didn't give him anything? - I sent him a couple of notes.
- Notes? For appointments, Tommy.
I thought you were smarter than that.
Apparently Muller felt secure enough to keep his door unlocked.
Either supreme arrogance or terminal carelessness.
Come on.
He must have kept records of his appointments.
Hmm.
Moonlight is romantic, but it's hell to read by.
- It's a Mercedes.
- Are there any other kind of cars in this town? - Jimmy Casson.
- Returning to the scene of the crime? - Looking for the same thing we are? - Ah! Splendid opportunity to try our key.
- Oh! You keep an eye on the midnight marauder.
- Yes.
Stop, thief! Carlos- Let 'em loose.
Aah! Laura.
! Laura, where have you gone to? Laura? Good Lord, Laura, all you had to do was try a key.
Steady, girl.
Steady.
I feel like Eliza crossing the ice- shot at, chased by dogs- - You need a little quiet.
- Mr.
Steele, you're a caring person.
Thank you.
Watch your head.
Okay.
All right.
If they protected their women around here the way they protect their property Walter Muller would have died of starvation.
Based on his appointment book, I'd say he died of exhaustion.
- Gamy reading, eh? - Puts Lord Marchmain to shame.
Look out! Ah.
Somebody knows I'm not a Vassar girl.
That was an oil truck.
Isn't Dumont in oil? We're in something just as slippery.
Ah.
Much better.
You're beginning to look like the old Laura again.
I know you're trying to be kind but please don't say the old Laura ever looked like this.
Laura, if Mr.
Dumont is the killer Why didn't he show up at that scavenger hunt at Muller's? Maybe there was nothing he needed to retrieve.
I assume this is one thing they were all after.
- Muller's appointment book? - Mm-hmm.
I found it in his van.
Who was his last appointment? Well, nothing for today, but apparently he liked to do his, uh, his accounting at night.
Apparently, Mrs.
Dumont isn't the only client where he, as they say, wore two hats.
The young lady that you identify as Anne Montague- three tune-ups in one month.
Her motor must be absolutely frenzied by now.
Who else subscribed to Muller's service? Look up, uh Betsy Lindner.
Here we go.
It seems her transmission required extraordinary attention.
Hmm.
What about Sandra Casson? Big Senor's wife? - Ooh.
- That bad? If her 450 required half of these repairs she has the sourest lemon that ever rolled out of Stuttgart.
All three of those loving couples are neighbors of the Dumonts.
They wouldn't have to move the body that far.
Well, tomorrow Prince Charming, if you'll excuse my lack of modesty shall take the glass key and try to find Cinderella's ignition.
For tonight, shall we dance? Why not? Mm-hmm.
I'm flattered by your enthusiasm, Laura.
Sorry.
Long evening.
Do you think anybody is here with their spouse? In most places, I'd say yes.
In Rancho Santa Luisa, I'd be loath to bet on it.
This town is a veritable Peyton Place- Lana Turner, Lee Philips, Twentieth Century Fox, 1957.
These people have all the money in the world beautiful houses, enviable lifestyles but they don't seem to have marriages.
Instead, they have arrangements- "You run the house, I run the empire.
"I'll see my poopsie, you see your mechanic.
Just keep up appearances.
" Is that how it has to end up? Just appearances? Not necessarily.
With most people, the bloom never leaves the rose.
There's no guarantee of that.
Risk goes with the territory.
You and I, we risk our lives every day.
Professionally.
Maybe that's enough risk for me.
Mm-hmm.
We're not dancing.
You know the old song, "My Heart Won't Do The Things My Feet Want To Do"? - I think you have that reversed.
- Not tonight, I don't.
Hi.
Alfred Mainwaring.
Walter and I were about to announce our partnership when the dreadful tragedy occurred.
Walter didn't tell me he was going into partnership.
- Well, you know how discreet he was.
- Indeed.
- Are you as well trained as Walter? - Stuttgart, '81.
- With honors? - Of a sort.
I think I can find some use for you.
Oh.
Scratch us off your list.
We're taking our business back to the dealer.
Are you sure they'll provide the same quality of service? - What do you mean by that? - Some of the bigger, more impersonal operations tend to overlook the, uh, telling detail.
What are you doing? - Get out of my car! - I can see you're a woman of decision, Mrs.
Casson.
Yes.
Yes.
Ah, yes.
Yes.
It leaks oil.
Do you specialize in diagnoses? I'd check out the crankshaft and the gaskets.
Ah, yes, crankshaft and gaskets.
Yes, yes.
Critical.
Very critical.
- How long do you think it will take to fix? - Oh, a day or two.
A day or two? It's leaked oil before, and Walter's had it fixed in an hour.
Ah! Walter's one fault- slapdash.
That's why he asked me to, to come in, to slow things down.
Are you sure he was going to make you a partner? Oh, yes.
Wouldn't want to have any dissatisfied customers now, would we? Don't want to kind of desecrate Walter's memory.
Where do you think you're going? Hmm? Uh, test drive.
Thank you.
Ah, yes.
Hear that? Yes.
Speed is of the essence.
Couple, maybe three hours.
Double the work force.
That'll triple your charges.
I admire your mathematics.
I like yours too.
Come back in an hour.
Thank you.
I'll be in Brussels on Wednesday.
We can renegotiate.
What are you doing here? As Mr.
Steele predicted, the autopsy's convinced the police it was murder.
I'll call you back.
Now, don't be frightened.
You didn't do it.
- It's not myself I'm frightened for.
- Then who? Me? I didn't even know about you and Muller till after he was dead.
So you led me to believe.
Do you think I'm capable of killing somebody? How do I know? After all these years I don't know you any better than you know me.
- What is it? - Laura Holt to see you.
- Laura Holt to see me? - Let her come in.
Let her come in! Send her in.
- What's this about? - I don't know.
Do you? Good morning.
Good morning.
Miss Holt.
Last night, Mr.
Steele and I were run off the road by an oil truck.
You're the only oilman in the community.
Last night? Last night one of our trucks was stolen.
Here's the report.
It was abandoned 50 miles down the coast.
Read it yourself.
It's time-stamped.
I'll take your word.
I'd like to look at the truck.
It might tell us something.
I seem to remember dismissing you.
Mr.
Steele and I decided not to hear it.
- Thank heavens.
- Miss Holt- Careful, Charles.
Here's somebody who's not afraid of you.
And you have no reason to be afraid of us.
We want to help.
Somebody borrowed your truck for a murder attempt.
They may not be trying to frame you but they're certainly not your friend.
Listen to her.
For once, listen to somebody.
What do you want me to do, Miss Holt? Don't keep any secrets from me.
- Is this the one? - I can't swear to that.
It was dark.
But it could have been.
Whoever ran us off the road would have to have some experience driving one of these, wouldn't they? I'd say so.
They're not easy.
- Have you driven one? - Yeah.
Not for 30 years- and not last night.
What about your friends? I doubt if any of them ever had to.
Most of them are old money.
I'm one of the few self-made men around here.
When I started in the oil fields, I had nothing but my two hands and one - very lucky break.
- What was that? A bright, educated, loving wife.
Yeah- Emily.
She pushed me- taught me, supported me.
I was crazy about her.
I really wanted to succeed.
She gave me ambition.
- Sounds like a lovely beginning.
- Yeah, it was.
And when she told me about Muller I realized how much we've lost.
Somewhere along the line it changed from ecstasy to exasperation.
I kept myself very busy- with grand plans, building an empire.
Let me tell you something, Miss Holt.
When you're smart ambitious, independent it's a lot easier to maintain a career than a relationship.
Don't ever make that mistake.
I'll try to remember that.
Think these belong to one of your drivers? I don't let them drive on medication.
Hello? Anybody home? Ahh.
Oh, dear.
- Did you see a doctor? - He wouldn't go, Miss Holt.
When you phoned, you promised you'd see a doctor.
My bones have stopped vibrating.
- Any idea what happened? - Someone obviously rewired the switches.
Good place not to do business.
Particularly when you have enemies in Rancho Santa Luisa.
Apparently our enemy gets all tensed up when he tries to kill someone.
Nitroglycerine tablets- - I found them in the oil truck.
- Those are for heart conditions.
My ex-husband used them.
That's how I discovered he had a heart.
Do those belong to someone in the Dumonts' social circle? The druggist felt that information was confidential.
Mmm.
Maybe he should take a share of Lord Marchmain's memoirs.
He did suggest that over half the men in Rancho Santa Luisa have heart conditions.
That's one of the perks of a seven-figure income.
That, my ex-husband didn't have.
The druggist won't talk.
The police are probably one step behind us.
Suggestions, Miss Holt? - We crash a party.
- A party? If we play our cards right, one of the guests is going to get her just desserts.
You're on, Miss Holt.
Miss Holt! What a lovely surprise.
You may change your mind about that, Mrs.
Lindner.
I suspect that more than one of you knows that I'm not what I pretended to be.
I'm a private detective, investigating the death of Walter Muller.
Oh, it was so tragic.
Poor Walter.
He was a wonderful mechanic.
Yes.
And he knew his place.
I don't relish telling you this but several of you were sharing Walter's more personal services.
His appointment book details the dates, the times, and the charges.
I know he tried to blackmail one of you so I have to assume he may have tried on all of you.
This key was found on Muller's body.
Sooner or later, my associate and I are going to find whose Mercedes it fits.
If it's yours, I urge you to make it sooner.
Betsy, darling, I have scads of errands.
- I have an appointment too.
- I'm not even going to try to make an excuse.
Bye, Ellen.
Thanks for coming.
My 450 happens to need a great deal of- Oh, forget it.
I hope you find the killer.
Walter was no angel, but I don't approve of murder.
- Good-bye, dear.
- Bye.
- Good-bye, Betsy.
- Bye.
- I had to do that.
I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
I never asked myself if I was the only one but I think I suspected I knew the answer.
I'll call you.
Bye-bye.
Miss Holt, I need to talk to you.
That key belongs to my husband's car, but I can explain.
You see, it- Alfred! Alfred.
Remington Steele.
Miss Holt and I, we, uh we work together.
Oh.
I should have known you were too good to be true.
- About your husband's car, Mrs.
Lindner? - Oh, yes.
We took my car to the Dumonts' yesterday and we left Phil's here for Walter to fix the wiring.
But when we came home, the car was in the driveway and the hood was up but the work wasn't completed.
- Hmm.
Hasty departure, huh? - From this world, I suspect.
What, you think Walter was murdered here? Mrs.
Lindner, how long has that oil stain been on your driveway? Well, the gardeners were here yesterday morning.
They would have cleaned it up.
It's dry enough to have been here overnight.
You wouldn't have seen it in the dark.
I suspect I'm all too familiar with the car that made it.
Could we- Psst.
- Sudden wanderlust? - We're going to our place in the mountains.
In a business suit? Apparently, you aren't familiar with the mores of Rancho Santa Luisa.
Yes, appearances are everything, aren't they? A man who flies a helicopter, knows as much about cars as you do could probably drive an oil truck.
Wouldn't you agree, Mr.
Montague? But it made you very tense to try to kill us, so you needed these.
- What are they? - Doesn't your wife know about your heart condition? You're going the wrong way! You can't out-swim a motorboat.
Come on.
Don't tell me one of us knows how to fly this thing.
Amazing what you can pick up when your life's at stake.
- Vietnam? - Monte Carlo, actually.
All right, Sky King, how are we going to stop them? - Take over.
- What? You're the aerodynamics expert.
It's quite simple, Laura.
This lever makes it go up and down and this stick makes it go left or right.
- Okay? - What? - Oh! No! - Okay.
All right.
Oh, ho! Laura, down a bit.
- Is this all right? - You're doing famously! Wonderfully! Left! Will somebody get me down! Poor Anne.
She broke the cardinal rule.
She fell in love with Muller.
But when she went to the Lindners' to ask him to go away with her he laughed in her face.
Hmm.
So when his back was turned, she picked up one of his tools and- Amazing, the strength a raging anger gives you.
- Or a raging hurt.
- Hmm.
But she needed her husband to move the body over to the Dumonts'.
And he was willing to keep her secret - rather than expose an empty marriage.
- Hmm.
Your dancing shows a vast improvement tonight.
Heart and feet more in sync? I'm working on it.
Mm.
Bodes well for our future.
Look who's here.
Hmm.
He may be the first man in Rancho Santa Luisa - to actually bring his wife to this place.
- Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
There's Steele and Miss Holt.
Certainly didn't expect to see them in a place like this.
Let's not interrupt them.
Let's not interrupt them.
Now.
About your helicopter training in Monte Carlo- Oh, nothing terribly interesting.
Several million in gold bullion a beautiful but treacherous contessa and a frantic flight across the Mediterranean.
- You're right.
Just run-of-the-mill stuff.
- Mmm.